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Ruin: Noblegarden Special 2023
Something was strange.
She'd just woken up like normal, slipping out from under the sharp needles of a prickly pear cactus and stretched, getting the normal disgusted grunt from the roaming orcs of Orgrimmar, when she'd noticed the distinct lack of the usual crowds.
Granted, goblins and trolls rarely found cactus fruit worth the effort, but the occassional orc had been known to stumble into them and either punch or try to eat the plants.
The plants often enough won in conflicts with such orcs.
Even so, the walk from whatever safe place she'd decided to sleep in to wherever she was going on any given day in Orgrimmar generally included dodging out of the way of various large dumb animals, being yelled at for eating breakfast, and being chased through the paths that snaked through the fortress city by whatever shopkeep had expected money for breakfast that barely met the definition of food.
There were only a handful of shopkeeps that she'd pay for breakfast from, and the cages had recently been given better locks.
Still, fewer people meant fewer things to distract pursuers so she figured that maybe, just this once, trading something for food might be worthwhile.
Alternately walking and scampering along out from under the feet of whatever happened to be wandering through nearby, she came upon one of the gated chokepoints that were scattered across Orgrimmar's many paths.
Nothing there. No invaders or gatherings to account for the missing people. No chain of traders or merchants blocking the road or traveling attraction to draw people from their normal activities.
Just another pair of guards, standing and muttering to one another as they did whatever guards did while there was nothing to guard.
Tentatively, she snuck out around the gate support before darting off around the corner and down the little ramp that connected the little canyon to the main business center of the city. Idly, she remembered it was 'called' the Drag, but that never made any sense to her since the only thing that was ever dragging there were drunk orcs and trolls when their families came to collect them from the taverns and inns.
Regardless, it was only a minute or two of wandering around the heavy orc and goblin built structures that she saw a pair of orcs waving at anyone who passed, calling out cheerfully or brushing dust and sand off their clothes if a rude person created problems as they left.
Oddly though, even when an elf on a giant noisy animal spat on them, they only waived him off before resuming their calls.
There were chickens nearby. Chickens meant food.
But the noisy orcs were near the chickens, which didn't help with getting breakfast.
At least the orc near the chickens didn't seem overly bothered, so she glanced down the road to make sure the elf was gone and wasn't going to step on her and darted across the path.
Which startled the chickens. Which wasn't her intent, but that was fine because scared chicken still tasted just as good.
The orc, though, apparently wasn't selling the chickens, and having to collect them made buying anything from her not possible.
Stupid chickens.
"Hello there! Have you come to celebrate Noblegarden?" called out a voice that was both too loud and too close.
So she jumped and came back down hissing, which worked out better than it had any right too because it turned out that it was one of the noisy orcs.
So once she wasn't ready to remove his face, she ran off because you shouldn't sneak up on a vulpera.
Also, he was loud and smelled bad. Mostly those two things.
Still, with nothing else really happening, that left either the little tavern by the main gate or hunting for the little lizards that roamed around the open spaces. She'd tried the beetles she'd found there once but they had turned out to be some of the worse she'd ever eaten.
Granted, they could be eaten, but they were dung beetles... so... not unless there was nothing else.
But, apparently the lizards had figured it out because they weren't around either.
And the tavern didn't really have much more than booze yet... which was only fun when Trib was there. Or Esava. Esava was fun to be around in taverns.
Which left her annoyed, hungry, and bored.
And then that elf flew right over her head so close that his big animal actually flicked her ears.
She hissed as she got back up, watching as he flew right up over the main gate and disappeared out of sight.
Why did they even have gates if people just flew over them? That was stupid and he was stupid and she saw some of the guards on the gate shouting after the elf and they didn't look happy either.
And then another elf did the same thing with three of its friends and threw fruit at the guards as they flew off. And then they fell out of the sky just as they were over the gate, which the guards seemed to be very happy about, especially the part where they smacked into the giant stone and metal gatewalk itself.
A dry chuckle had her turning her head as He walked over from the tavern by the gate.
"Telloslyra, what ~are~ you doing out here on a day like this? Shouldn't you be running around at the buffet like every other good little mobile wood chipper?"
She blinked as the Fosaken warlock wandered over, his clothing... unusually festive with a bright purple hat that split in the middle and ended in little bells. It honestly looked like he had been trying to pick between two slightly different, floppy, purple hats, decided he didn't need to choose, and then just stitched them together in the middle so he could wear both.
It looked silly. Then again, Nrubluos was dead, so it was completely possible he just didn't notice how stupid it was.
She tilted her head as he stopped next to her, looking up at the comically dressed Forsaken. For his part, he turned his head to look back at the guards who were kicking the dumb elves. After a moment, he looked back down to her.
"So... why aren't you out enjoying the free food?"
She blinked. Free food? Wasn't most food free?
"Well, food that no one else intends to charge you for at least."
That... sounded suspiciously like hunting to her.
"Of course, you would have to catch it first, but I assure you, it's really no trouble. They... someone in Dalaran most likely... release scores of magical rabbits for about a week this time every year. You can tell because they're an absurd shade of puke... almost purple... almost pink. They hop around like brain damaged idiots and lay eggs of all things." He paused to stroke his mismatched chin for a moment. "That's actually not a bad idea really... maybe I could commission a few and have them modified to release poisons during conflicts.... hmmm.... Anyway, I hear that little orc town south of here has quite the number. I assure you, it would be worth your time."
He was lying. No one would just let food go. No one was that stupid. Not even not-vulpera were that stupid.
Well, maybe those filthy Sethrak... but that was probably just in her head because they certainly didn't actually let food go.
"I know that look... now, stop it. I am being quite honest at the moment. There is an infestation of magic rabbits swarming around Razor Hill... and I can assure you that the inhabitants would appreciate your efforts to obtain breakfast."
She squinted at him hard. There was something he wasn't telling her still, so she growled and put her fists on her hips and kicked at his leg because she knew better than to bite his clothes.... now. They tasted terrible and he didn't really react when she bit him and he tasted worse.
"Yes well, of course there is more, but I happened to see Trib was over there too, so perhaps your little friend would like some company?"
Well why didn't you just start with that?!?
"Well, to be fair, I was still cursing those bothersome elves as they were flying away... distractions do tend to ... distract."
That was you?
"Of course," he grinned before turning back to watch as the gate guards hauled away the troublesome trio of bruised and beaten elves. "That being said, I have some business to attend to... enjoy the snacks."
And he wandered off.
Razor Hill? Trib was hunting at Razor Hill? She thought for a moment before twisting out a little bit of magic and summoning her Vulpine Friend, mounted him, and threw a curse at the nearby guard who muttered rude things about her before leaping into the sky and flying right over the main gate as she angled south towards Razor Hill.
-~oOo~-
Flying down to Razor Hill was only a quick trip and, despite still being hungry, it wasn't too hard to see where at least some of the crowds had disappeared to. The little 'town' was no more than three orc buildings: a one room inn with a little smithy stuck off to the side, a bunker, and a war hold. Granted, orcs liked to build big, open, undefendable things, but at least they were generally tough enough to pretend that not even having a door was not a security risk.
Honestly, she didn't understand how they were still alive as a race. Letting food go, not using doors, being generally stupid... kind of surprising really. But one thing was absolutely certain... Nrubluos hadn't been lying about the rabbit infestation.
Magic, purple, egg laying, rabbits.
Everywhere.
Oh, and Trib!
She had her Vulpine friend dive down and before he'd even landed, she'd sprung off and caught Trib in a pounce that sent them rolling into a dry little dead bush near a troll alchemist.
Trib!
Trib was coughing and laughing, which was kind of funny since she had been carrying a bag of colorful eggs and now looked like she was laying in a nest with all the eggs scattered around her.
But then a purple rabbit hopped over and stared at her before sitting down and rubbing its face.
BREAKFAST!
"Lyra, no!"
No? But... but breakfast!
"Yes, I know you're hungry, but those aren't for eating. Trust me. You want to just touch them and keep the eggs."
She frowned as she continued to hold the bunny in her mouth. It seemed remarkably calm about the whole experience.
"Lyra... put the bunny down and I promise you'll get breakfast."
She had breakfast... it was in her mouth... how was giving up her breakfast going to get her breakfast? Trib! Don't waste food!
"I'm not wasting fo... Lyra, no. Put it down right now!"
She huffed but spit the bunny out, which bounced and squeaked when it hit the ground, before turning around and hopping calmly away. WHICH WAS WHY YOU DIDN'T LET BREAKFAST GO!
And then there was a weird sound, a flash of light, and she found Trib was holding her tail because she'd tried to get away from the light but it was just a magic egg.
Which she absolutely hadn't tried to run away from because that would be stupid and vulpera were not stupid.
"Shhhh... no hissing. I know it's a little surprising the first time you see it, but it's just the Noblegarden bunnies. They're harmless and they leave chocolate eggs if you let them go."
Nothing you said made any sense.
But Trib was smiling, almost laughing, so she must have said something funny.
"They're little magic constructs that the mages make to celebrate... um... something I guess. So... they're from Dalaran and I guess that means they just kind of do things because they can. You know? Magic everything? Can't make soup without conjuring 600 self-sustaining, roaming, multiplying constructs to assemble basic culinary assets or whatever. Anyway, you remember Dalaran... big floating city, right?"
She growled. Dalaran was NOT her favorite place... well... there were some fun things that happened there, but mostly a not fun place.
"Exactly... anyway, they're kind of competitive there."
She flattened her ears to make her opinion known.
"Alright... very competitive there... so, anyway, I think they just kept trying to one up each other. You know... making bunnies, making magic bunnies, making magic colorful bunnies... one thing led to another and they ended up dropping off hundreds of the things all over and making a holiday of it."
This is why the Vulpera didn't make Dalaran. No one would have been that stupid.
"Exactly. But, the thing is, they made prizes for people who collect the eggs."
Prizes?
"Well... they each have something inside."
But you said to let it go! She could have had breakfast AND a prize!
"No, Lyra... not the bunnies... the eggs."
...
"Don't think about it, it doesn't make sense. Dalaran, remember? Anyway, each egg contains a prize and is made of chocolate, so even if you don't like the prize, you get free chocolate. Everyone wins."
Trib was smiling. Trib was smiling and had started to pick up her eggs again.
So... Trib liked chocolate? Was magic bunny chocolate really that good?
"Try one, I've got lots since I've been trying to get a spellbook to make more bunnies."
A book to make bunnies?
"Really! No joke... guess someone thought it would be funny to see people making things into bunnies all year round. Found out about it from another mage and have been hunting them down for the last few hours."
How.... does a book fit inside an egg?
"Magic, Lyra, just like everything in Dalaran. I swear those mages can't do anything without magic. I literally saw a street sweeper walking along with a dustpan while a broom swept things up. Guy looked lost when the dustpan filled up. Ended up paying me two gold coins to throw it away because he didn't know what to do with the garbage." Trib laughed. "Idiots."
She picked up an egg and looked it over. It was larger than her hand and looked like it was covered in brightly painted paper. Trib ~had~ said she could try one... but they were Trib's so she just gave it back and stood there while Trib put them back into her little bag.
"So, about breakfast?"
Breakfast? Yes please.
Trib chuckled, which was a cute sound.
"Let's grab some eggs and you can have the chocolate... or any of the other little snacks around here. The bunnies aren't really alive, so the critters don't care about them."
-~oOo~-
The bunnies, it turned out, were not very good. They'd been chasing them around and poking them for the better part of the morning, collecting weird eggs and then smashing them to find out what was inside.
Well, she was smashing them. Trib was opening them carefully and sorting the things she found inside. She'd tried a bit of the chocolate but found she didn't really like it. It was too sweet and melted and smelled strange and wasn't meat. Chocolate, she was certain, wasn't actually food.
Trib had found a dress, a shirt, a few pairs of pants, some flowers, a bunch of sticks, two giant pink birds, and part of a real rabbit. She's asked if she could have it, but Trib promised her there wasn't any meat in it... it was just a little bit that silly people thought was good luck.
Which was obviously not working since she still hadn't found breakfast and Trib still hadn't found her book.
She'd even snuck one of the bunnies because there were so many of them that she was certain no one would notice, but it wasn't very good.
"HAH! Got it!"
She'd jumped a bit at Trib's shout, but when she'd looked over, Trib was hopping around with a thick book clutched in her hands.
Finally!
"ALright, alright. I know that took longer than we thought it would, but it'll all be worth it."
But breakfast...
Trib smiled and hopped over to show her the book. "See? it'll be great. Trust me."
Fine.
Trib ran over to the smelly orc that kept the wyverns ready to take people places.
-~oOo~-
She didn't know what fighting had to do with breakfast, and she didn't understand why Trib had told her to hide in the bushes, but at least there were little snacks roaming around so it wasn't all bad.
And then she was sent flying as a fat dwarf hit her with a club.
She rolled, hit a rock, bounced up, and then hit the ground again before she'd even had time to realize what was happening.
Shaking her head, she scampered to her feet and hurled a shadowbolt streaking towards the Dwarf. Hurling a second, and then a third even as he charged, she torn a tiny hole in the sky and dropped a burning red stone on him. Even as he howled, his club arcing through the air towards her, three bright green balls of felflame shrieked to the ground around him as imps popped into existence.
When the club hit her in the chest she was sent flying again. The next thing she knew, she found herself blinking as her vision swam back into focus. She was looking up at the sky, bright with little clouds drifting along merrily.
The Dwarf stepped into view, beard tattered and smoldering in places and helm dented with a little felflame still dancing over the metal. He loomed over her, a confident grin plastered upon his face, club raised high in the air, laughing as he lifted it higher to attack.
Only to yelp as a bright blue and yellow splash of magic hit him in the back, sending a ribbon of bright light to ripple over his body. And, a moment later, a small, very confused, bunny landed on her chest.
She blinked, staring at the bunny, before sitting up and glancing around.
Across the field, she could see a battle, little flashes of magic dancing between the glint of weapons and armor. Nearby, a flag rested on the ground. Trib was grinning as she reached over and touched the flag, sending it back to their base.
"Oh, that is SO cool. Did you see it Lyra? Wasn't that neat?"
She blinked and glanced at the bunny that was idly scratching behind its ear and snatched it up.
"Lyra? What are you..."
And then she swallowed it. Because breakfast.
"Huh... I, guess that works too."
And it was much better than the stupid purple ones.
"Hey Lyra, how hungry are you?"
She shrugged. It hadn't been a very large bunny.
"Great... follow me. I think I know how we can make this battleground a little more Horde friendly."
Guess the book was worth it after all.