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Charan woke up in a cold sweat. He reached out beside him and only touched air. He clenched his eyes shut and took a deep breath.
It was fine, it was perfectly fine. Tarak stayed up late every night, sometimes into the early morning hours. Charan vacillated between cool indifference one day, and suffocating anxiety the next.
He thought he heard strange noises in the flat. That creak, was it on the stairwell? Did he hear a koel calling outside the window? All of the noises made Charan antsy.
Had they been audible the whole time he had begun more or less shacking up with Tarak last month?
Charan tried to calm down, to think straight. No, Tarak would not have left him alone. He had to be here, maybe he fell asleep on the divan. Charan was not afraid, he wasn't. As his cousin Arjun used to say, he had ice in his veins.
But the night was so dark that Charan couldn't shake off his unease. His thoughts turned to Maryam Auntie, and he wondered where she was, if she even was anywhere.
If she were somewhere, if she was a soul or some other kind of sentient supernatural being, Charan wished she would come and tell him, so he would have some idea of what life after death was really like.
He imagined he could hear a flute playing, and white noise and static from the television. Charan curled into a ball and covered his head with the duvet, trying to drown out all the noise. All he wanted to hear was the sound of Tarak breathing beside him.
When Tarak found him hours later, Charan was still in the same position, his eyes wide and unblinking, petrified. "Charan, I'm here now. I'm sorry I left you alone! Look at me, Cherry, please look at me."
He held Charan's face and stroked his hair, murmuring reassuringly until Charan slowly sat up and responded to him. He took Tarak's hands and pressed them to his cheeks. "So you did leave! Why did you leave me alone, anna? I was afraid, and I needed you."
His words stabbed Tarak as painfully as knives. He exhaled sharply and kissed him. "I'm sorry! I just went to the set, and completely forgot to leave a note."
Charan's nostrils flared. "You could have at least sent me a text, or phoned me!" He folded his arms and glared at him.
Tarak sighed. "You were asleep. I didn't expect Siva sir to need more than just a handful of shots of Saif Bhai and I sitting, but we ended up being there for five hours. We ended up shooting a fight scene. We had to have done hundreds of takes."
Charan's expression softened. "Sarē."
Tarak smiled and gently pulled the duvet down. "I'm here now, and I'm exhausted! Let's go back to bed for a few hours, and then I'll make us some pav bhaji."
Tarak lay down and spread his arms open wide. "Come here, Charan. Let me hold you."