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She wasn't sure anymore, of anything in her life really. She knew she was still in love, that much she was sure of.
How could she not be?
But it was hard, so so very hard.
Every moment she spent with her was dragging her down, she could see it.
It was wrong to keep her shackled like that, when all she was was light itself. It was wrong to keep her up at night, to keep her in the dark like she did.
There was nothing she could do anymore.
They ended it months ago really, but there was still that pang in her chest when she thought of the blonde hair and golden eyes. It didn't matter.
She didn't love her anymore, not how she should. How could she really, with no feelings of the sort towards anyone else?
It was hard to imagine loving her any harder, but she knew others who could, others who'd love her like she deserved. Better than she could.
She couldn't even feel the cold air on her skin, but it didn't matter. Her heart was broken, stone shattered by her own hand.
There was nothing for her to give any more, she was a hollow being, no heart left to give the one she wanted to give it to the most. There was nothing to be done though, she supposed.
It was like she could feel her eyes on her still, the golden gaze of a warrior so unyielding. She knew, she always did, but this time, she let her go.
She could feel the rain start to pour and wonders for a second if this is who she's become, this monster who feels everything and nothing at once. This woman who couldn't feel a thing for herself anymore, could barely even cry as she stared over the cliff edge.
The woman who's only thought as she stared at the cecilia's blowing in the wind beside her was that she was leaving Lumine behind here.
She wasn't even sure she was doing that. If she wasn't here in the first place, could she really leave?
If she couldn't even look the blonde in the eyes when she left, couldn't even try to convince herself that it wasn't as stupid as it was. Perhaps this was all she could be anymore, a drifter in the cliffs of Teyvet.
All she wanted was to go, to leave, but....
but...
that damned thread was still there. The blonde woman, her smile binding her here in a way she didn't understand. In a way she wasn't even sure if she wanted anymore. And yet, she clung to it.
She clung to the body that pulled her from the edge, didn't cry as angry eyes examined her. Cursed as steady fingers prodded at her head and arms, but didn't shove them away.
Maybe she didn't deserve this, this love she didn't understand, but wanted to so desperately.