Chapter Text
“Molly?”
“Sherlock? What are you—why are you out of breath?”
“I’m in pursuit of that thief who just ran past you, whom you should’ve noticed given the proximity…oh. Your eyes are leaking. What is it this time, Molly? Was there a sad puppy in an advert? For the last time, you needn’t worry about creatures if they’re cartoons—”
“Peter—oh, never mind. Shouldn’t you give chase before he gets away?”
“The street fair, the police station, and the clown car—coulrophobia, trite—should direct his turns until, through a lack of options, he arrives at that northwestern corner in about five or eight minutes. So.
Tears in a Tesco’s car park. A new romantic low, isn’t it?”
“Sherlock, if you mock me right now, I swear I will castrate you with a letter opener. Any way, you wouldn’t care that Peter and I just broke up in front of the Nutella display.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“…he’s a slow one.”
“Peter?”
“No, the thief. If he’d hurry up, I’d have a decent reason to abandon you and your…damp mourning. Because, in moments of high distress, you tend to turn your inner monologues into outer—“
“I mean, yeah, sure, totally reasonable for him to mention that he doesn’t want kids now, before we really got serious—but couldn’t he have mentioned that on the first date? I know it’s not the thing, to bring up reproduction so soon, but I’m of a certain age! I can’t waste time. Why can’t blokes just have signs or announcements, you know? About their relationship goals?”
“I…can’t tell if you’re being rhetorical…?’
“Like, ‘Just a summer fling, love’ or ‘Marriage, but no kids, thank you,’ or ‘Must commit to live-in mother,’ or—“
“Or ‘Has family history of heart disease and a five minute run will do me in’?”
“Well, that’s unreasonably specific, but yeah—oh, oh god, your thief’s collapsed, Sherlock! Come on!”
“I knew my calculations couldn’t have been that far off if not for a hidden circumstance…”
“Sherlock! Shut up and dial 999!”