Chapter Text
There was something undeniably so tragic about Choi Yeonjun and Kang Taehyun. Most of the time, it was because of the fact that they’ve known each other the longest in every timeline, and yet, somehow were forced to be separated each time. Yeonjun, who is destined to suffer in every single universe where he existed; while Taehyun is destined to remember every single one of them.
And yet, never once did Taehyun think about leaving. With how many tears and wails he let out, you’d think he’d grow tired of it. You would think that one day Taehyun would walk out of the doors and be the first to leave Yeonjun because after almost fifty loops the pain just isn't worth it. But no, from the start of their story where a promise has been made under The Star till this day, Taehyun stayed.
(In his first life, Taehyun had met Yeonjun. He’d met the older boy in a lonely field with only a telescope seen in the middle, the latter urging him to come closer to take a look at the bright single star on top of them. “It’s pretty,” Yeonjun whispered. “They say if you made a promise under The Star, the promise will stay true forever.”)
Since the tenth loop, after researching and trying everything to stop the deaths, Taehyun had accepted his fate; always being the one aware of everything around them, of the story unfolding right in front of their eyes. He was fine with the unending pain in his chest every time he stood by watching the light disappearing from Yeonjun’s eyes. He was fine with it, as long as he can see Yeonjun smile again in the next life.
“You’re interesting,” a feline spoke in a hushed tone, voice neither masculine nor feminine, neither old nor young. He can’t tell what the feline (well, cat) actually is. It wasn’t God, that much was obvious. Even the cat had told him multiple times that it wasn’t one. “Tell me human, why do you hold on to him so much?”
(Taehyun thinks that The Cat was the reason on why these things happen; why you’d get a sense of belonging when you’ve reached a place you’ve never been to, why you get a feeling of deja vu when you visited an unknown spot, why you feel like crying when you found an old tombstone with a stranger’s name on it.)
In this life, Taehyun was an outcast in his village; born with an unusual pair of eyes, one normal and one pitch black with a single star in the middle. He wasn't the only outcast however; as all of his other friends were just as unlucky as he was; especially the one laid on top of the grass with a slit throat in front of him. Once again Choi Yeonjun, with a broken deer antler growing on his head, has died.
Just like the first time, it hurts like shit. Taehyun forced a smile. “For someone who seems to be all powerful and magical, I thought you’d have found out already.”
In the next life, Taehyun grew up as a normal teenager in a rather distant family – but that was okay, because Yeonjun was there. The Choi Yeonjun who now had to suffer once again as he lived through a dysfunctional home; where no laughter nor silence was ever heard from. Taehyun often wondered what Yeonjun had done in his past life to have to go through all of this. But just like the rest of his reincarnations, Yeonjun would smile at him before saying how everything is alright.
“No it’s not,” Taehyun wanted to answer, but kept his mouth shut. "It's never alright."
(“Stop saying that,” Taehyun whimpered, trying to stop the blood flowing out of Yeonjun’s stomach. This life had treated Yeonjun far better than the others; with the latter having a royal blood in him, living his life in a grand palace. Taehyun himself was just a mere servant, but he was happy enough with his life as he was able to watch Yeonjun grow to be who he is today. “Stop saying that it’ll be alright.”
But a happy ending was never written in Yeonjun’s book. It was why Taehyun is now kneeled on the once pristine white marble floor, with the dying prince in his arms. “You promised me that you’d try to escape,” the servant hisses, “why didn't you?!”
Between a pained groan and silent cries, Yeonjun placed his cold hand on Taehyun’s cheek. “Because you’re still here.”
When Taehyun had wailed, whispering how much he loved Yeonjun, the latter’s fingers were already cold. Once again, Yeonjun never replied to those words)
Things were never okay, but that didn’t stop Taehyun from pretending everything was.
“You’re so cute,” Yeonjun said one morning, pinching both of Taehyun’s cheeks while the latter whined about how it hurts. “Taehyunnie, don't grow up okay? Always be my baby.”
A playful eye roll as a reply. “You’re a lot more childish than I am.”
If Taehyun had to describe what Yeonjun’s laughter sounded like, he’d say that it felt like a comforting childhood where you were wrapped around a thick blanket in front of the fireplace every time a snowstorm would appear outside of your home. Comforting and nostalgic; something that he was so heartbreakingly sure Yeonjun had never felt before.
So when he felt Yeonjun’s arms pull him closer, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and entrapping him into a tight hug, Taehyun would never push him away. Taehyun felt overwhelmingly aware of everything surrounding him at that moment, the way Yeonjun’s heartbeat quickened while his fingers trembled slightly. By now, after every reincarnation, the youngest could remember Yeonjun’s scent from a mile away; something akin to wood and vanilla.
“What’s the occasion?” he’d ask, his arms wrapping themselves up around Yeonjun’s waist. “You were never this sappy in the morning.”
“No reason.” Yeonjun’s voice was muffled, his head buried in Taehyun’s shoulder. “Just, let me hug you for a little while.”
After spending years looking after Yeonjun’s reincarnation, Taehyun should've picked up on his unusual behavior; but something in him wanted to be selfish. It was why the two senior high school students ended up on the side of the road, silence engulfing them as they embraced each other. Odd looks were sent their ways, but none of the two cared enough to move. Taehyun swore that it felt like a dream if their moment wasn’t ruined by distant familiar yells coming from their other friends.
It should've been odd; their whole morning interaction, but somehow both Taehyun and Yeonjun managed to make it clear to not speak of it afterwards.
Physics was easy, as most of his classes were. You’d find school to be awfully boring when you’ve been reincarnated into a normal student for the twentieth time; though Taehyun would definitely not relive private school unless he had to. And so, he’d built himself a good reputation each time, all similar. He is Kang Taehyun, a quiet yet friendly student who loves to learn and is actually good at it, receiving good enough marks but not enough to be called a prodigy for it.
Everything felt normal as it should be, boring classes and uneventful days; but Taehyun should've known better. He really should’ve after he picked up on the unusual hug coming from Yeonjun this morning; that was on him – so when the fire alarm rang throughout the whole building, Taehyun couldn't help but feel dread pool around his stomach.
To avoid suspicion, he had to follow the crowd of panicking students, his eyes searching left and right to search for his other friends; Kai was safe, he made sure of it. The half american was already dragged outside the school after Taehyun forcefully pushed him into the front, not caring at how loud Kai was yelling his name. For Soobin and Beomgyu, he knew for a fact that they’d always be attached to the hip. If one managed to get to safety, the other would too.
Taehyun was only a few feet away from the school’s entrance, covering his mouth and nose with his blazer. Somewhere in the crowd in front, he’d manage to find a glimpse of Soobin’s towering body with a familiar face clinging to his side. Relief was an understatement at this point, with how fast the smoke was spreading, Taehyun was glad that his friends were able to escape with minimal damage. Well, most of his friends. As of now he failed to get a glimpse of Yeonjun between the crowd, and it looks like Soobin, Beomgyu, and Kai were searching for the same person also.
“Hyun! You can’t just push me to the front!” Kai yelled, grabbing both of Taehyun’s shoulders in anger, “we promised to stick together!”
Wince. “Sorry.” It was an empty apology. Taehyun didn't regret pushing Kai to the front at all if it meant that the soft hearted boy was able to be saved first. Kai was too good, too nice - he probably would’ve stayed until the end to make sure that every student was able to be rescued. Taehyun however, was selfish. He didn't care about other lives as long as his friends were fine. Of course, as he muttered out his small apology to his other friend, his eyes were darting left and right to search for a familiar face.
He's not here. “Where’s Yeonjun?!” Soobin asked worriedly, standing on his tippy toes in hopes of getting a clearer view to find their oldest friend. He did get a clearer image, but there was no Yeonjun in sight. Somewhere along the lines, the four had begun to ask around, describing what Yeonjun looks like to the police officers and firefighters alike, asking the other students if they had seen where he’d gone.
A crowd of students began to pour out of the main entrance once again. Visible worries etched along his friends’ faces while they watched the way those students gasp for air, but Taehyun couldn't have cared less at this point, not when Yeonjun was still missing.
“Something blew up!” one of the new students coughed, leaning to a firefighter because of his shaky legs. “We don’t know how it happened either. It was from our class; in the chemistry lab! There’s one more person there- you have to save him!”
Yeonjun had chemistry.
Maybe they’ve known each other for too long, because just by a single glance, Soobin knew what the glint in Taehyun’s eyes meant. “Taehyun,” he whispered, slowly inching closer towards the younger boy, his hand reaching out and ready to grab the latter’s wrist. “Taehyun. Listen to me. Don’t you dare–”
Too late. Taehyun sprinted forward like a mad man, dodging every single adult in front of him and ignoring the pleading and cries coming from other students alike, but the loudest one was Beomgyu’s yell that was filled with curse words. He can’t lie, he chuckled a bit despite his increasing heart rate and nervousness. Even when the police and firefighters had missed him, Taehyun was glad that they were at least able to stop Soobin and Beomgyu from running after him, with Kai already sobbing on the ground.
“Kang Taehyun!” Beomgyu’s voice was filled with both anguish and anger. “Come back you little shit!”
‘I’m sorry,’ Taehyun had said to himself, ‘I’m so sorry but just for this moment, I can’t listen to you.’
From top to bottom, the halls and classroom was filled with black smoke, enough to make Taehyun’s knees shake from the decreasing amount of oxygen. His eyes became more watery, breath hitching before he started to cough violently. It was to the point where he had almost slipped on the stairs, dodging a large body of fire by the process.
With every strength he could muster, Taehyun opened his mouth. “Yeonjun!” he screamed, “Choi Yeonjun!”
It was almost funny how conflicted Taehyun felt at that moment; with him screaming Yeonjun’s name over and over again till his throat felt like it was burning, holding back the tears from falling down his cheeks. Because Taehyun was tired. It happened over and over and over again for countless times and countless lives. It was like the script had been written with a permanent ink to the point where even water couldn’t wash it off. He was so tired of always watching someone he loved more than his own sanity die over and over again. He was so tired of watching someone he loved be reincarnated into a place you couldn’t call home. He was so tired of Yeonjun suffering. He was… so tired of Yeonjun.
But when he forced the chemistry lab doors open to find Yeonjun standing in the middle of the room with fire circling around him, Taehyun remembered just how much he loved Choi Yeonjun. Just like the pain, his love was also written down with a permanent ink.
“Hyung!” Taehyun wailed, eyes widening, “Yeonjun-hyung! Get out of there! We need to get out of here!” Still no reaction from the older boy. Yeonjun kept watching the sky outside of their window. Such a shame really, it was a sunny and beautiful day.
Taehyun jumped over a fallen chair, hissing as his skin made a slight contact with the burning flames. “Just- Just stay there! I’ll find a way to get to you and we’ll–”
“Taehyun.”
Something felt so tragic with the way Yeonjun whispered his name. Just seconds after the latter had uttered out his name, their eyes had met for the first time. Yeonjun’s eyes have always been beautiful; at first glance those eyes would feel so intimidating and dangerous, but the moment they softened, there was no room for things other than love written in those pupils. That was one of the things Taehyun loved most about Yeonjun.
(The fire was getting bigger.)
The way he was staring at Taehyun now however, was filled by another emotion; guilt.
(Yeonjun has no room for escape.)
He doesn’t understand. What did Yeonjun do to feel sorry for? Especially to Taehyun out of all people. And something just clicked when a white cat with different colored eyes somehow appeared right next to Yeonjun, purring and rubbing its fur all over the latter’s neck. Taehyun felt like he forgot how to breathe, smoke filling up his lungs and his face turning pale. His fingertips grew cold despite standing inside of a burning room.
Nothing made his whole body shake more than to see Yeonjun kneeling down and petting the said cat on the head, doing it all with such a gentle smile on his face.
“You…” he whispers in a horrified tone, “why did you…?”
Yeonjun merely smiled once again before opening his mouth.
(“I’m sorry,” he mouthed to Taehyun.)
When Taehyun blinked, no longer could he feel the pain of the heat. His lungs worked perfectly as if he could finally breathe the fresh air once again. But that was also when he noticed that no longer was he inside of the burning chemistry lab. Rather, it was a familiar place that Taehyun couldn’t forget even if he wanted to.
How could he when it was the place where he and Yeonjun had first met. Their first life together.
“I feel like I haven't seen this place in so long.”
Taehyun snapped his head to the right, finding the one he would call his one and only love standing there unwounded. An innocent grin was painted on the latter’s face, staring at the bright single star above them while Taehyun gaped, bewildered. “You and I met here, right Taehyunnie?”
“You knew.”
Another smile. “I wished I remembered what you looked like back then though.”
“You fucking knew,” Taehyun cuts again, grabbing Yeonjun’s collar. “You fucking knew all along?!”
Anger shot through his veins when there was no guilt to be seen behind Yeonjun’s beautiful eyes. Solemnly, the older one nodded. “I knew.”
“Since when?”
There was a bit of hesitation before answering, but Yeonjun continued anyway. “Five lives ago.”
Five deaths ago. Five fucking deaths ago. Taehyun wanted to cry – and he did. Tears that were once being held back by his own dam of ego had broken into pieces once he heard Yeonjun’s answer. And he screamed, so, so loudly until his throat ached and his voice became hoarse. The grip he had on the older’s collar kept tightening, enough to pull their bodies closer till they should’ve been able to feel each other’s heartbeat.
(Five lives ago, Taehyun watched Yeonjun fall from the top of a 53 story building. Four lives ago, Taehyun watched as Yeonjun laid in a hospital bed until his heart rate monitor finally showed a straight line. Three lives ago, Taehyun watched Yeonjun sat on a beautifully arranged throne of flowers, blood coming out of the wounds that are caused by the said flowers’ thorns, enough to paint the water under them red. Two lives ago, Taehyun watched as the stadium they performed on crumbled, taking Yeonjun with it.)
Yeonjun’s heart didn't beat, and Taehyun felt his legs go weak. Maybe he would have fallen over if it weren’t for Yeonjun’s arms holding his waist at this point. “Five deaths ago, and you didn’t tell me shit,” he cried, “I’ve watched you die over and over again, and you knew.”
The grip around his waist tightened at the mention of death. Taehyun didn't push the other away when the arms pulled him closer and turned the hold into a hug. When Yeonjun hugged him, in any reincarnations, it has always been warm. Warmth that felt like pure love. But that warmth is gone, because no matter how much Yeonjun tightened this hug, his skin felt colder than ever.
“I’m sorry,” the boy weeped, burying his head on the junction between Taehyun’s neck and shoulder. “I’m so sorry Taehyun, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me for making you wait this long. I’m sorry for making you go through all that”
This was the moment Taehyun had realized how truly heartbreaking it was to be in Yeonjun’s position. Dying for five times, being reincarnated into lives that are not so kind, and remembering them all – terrifying and tragic. And yet, just this morning, Yeonjun was able to greet him with such a bright smile. Something about that makes Taehyun's heart ache even more than before. Yeonjun might have lied just this once, but this Yeonjun was still the kind and strong hearted Choi Yeonjun that Taehyun fell in love with over and over again.
Silence overtook the both of them, only being filled with Taehyun’s quiet sobs in between. This time, it was Taehyun who broke it. The male finally lets go of Yeonjun’s collar, his hand moving to wrap around the latter’s shoulders. Felt like they were back to this morning again, peaceful and nostalgic.
“I’m sorry,” Taehyun whispers, earning a confused sound from Yeonjun’s mouth. It was cute, like a cat wondering what his human was saying. Taehyun giggles at his own thought; such an innocent thought after what he would call a betrayal. “I couldn’t save you in any lifetime. I tried. I really tried, but I failed every single time, I– I couldn’t– I’m sorry–”
“It’s okay.”
“No it’s not,” the younger interjects, “you had to go through all of that, and pretend that everything is fine. I promise– I’ll find a way to save you after this; just wait for me, we’ll think of something- we’ll work together after this, and you won’t be alone. There has to be a way–”
“Taehyun.” Feels like it has been ages since Taehyun had heard that tone from Yeonjun, something akin to desperation or exhaustion. Their bodies moved once more, Yeonjun pulling apart their embrace so they could finally see eye to eye once again, his hands gripping both of Taehyun’s shoulders. Glimpses of forming tears could be seen in the older’s eyes. Taehyun wondered what the older man was feeling at this moment.
It seemed like Yeonjun was preparing himself to say something; taking a small breath of air before finally opening his mouth. Maybe it was an idea of how to save both of them from their tragic fates, Taehyun hopes so considering how friendly Yeonjun had been to the cat-like entity. And so Taehyun stood silently and waited, eyes blinking twice and nodding slowly to give Yeonjun reassurance.
“Listen to me. You have to let me go.”
He blinked again, confused. “I don’t understand…? What do you mean by that–?”
Yeonjun shook his head, heartbreak and pain etched all around his expression. “I meant what I meant Hyun.” His whispers were soft, a slight tremble in them. “You have to let me go.”
“And I don’t get it– what do you mean I have to let you go–?”
“I wasn’t supposed to exist anymore Taehyun!” It was the first time Yeonjun had ever raised his voice at him, but Taehyun felt no menace behind that tone. In the middle of his sentence, there was a crack in his voice, so heartbreaking and so fragile for someone as strong as Yeonjun. “I was supposed to stop existing after my sixth death.”
Oh my fucking god Taehyun’s going to be sick.
Nausea – that was the first thing that Taehyun felt after hearing Yeonjun’s words. If he could, he would’ve thrown up every single food he had consumed prior. The world, his vision, seemed to spin; all he could hear was Yeonjun’s voice calling out his name in order to make him focus. But Taehyun couldn’t, no matter how much he tried. His breath quickened, heart beating twice as fast and body starting to shake.
That’s not true. It can’t be true. His Yeonjun not existing? Impossible. If Yeonjun wasn’t supposed to exist; why did he spend uncountable years repeating every single tear and suffering. If Yeonjun wasn’t supposed to exist, why does Yeonjun keep appearing in his life even when he didn’t search for the older. If Yeonjun didn’t exist, what is his life even worth?
“You’re wrong,” the younger interject, gripping Yeonjun’s upper arm like there was no tomorrow. “You’re fucking lying– you’re only saying this so I’ll stop; I won’t stop, I won’t stop trying to save you–”
“Please stop–”
“You’re fucking wrong!” At this point, Taehyun’s voice came out hoarse and broken. “You can’t prove the things you said– after this life I’m going to save you for real- I promise so please don’t spew out those nonsense anymore– we’re going to be happy and safe I’ll make sure of it-”
“Taehyun–”
“Don’t push me away,” the younger begged, clutching Yeonjun’s shoulder like his life depends on it. “Don’t say no, don’t say stop. Let me do this for you. Let me save you.”
A moment of silence passed over them. That silence only lasted for three seconds, though it felt like a whole minute, but those three seconds gave Taehyun enough hope that maybe Yeonjun would agree. Maybe Yeonjun would finally let himself be saved in their next life. But all hope was lost when once again they had made eye contact.
Out of all of his friends, Taehyun adored Yeonjun’s eyes the most. While yes, Soobin has the most attractive eyes, Kai the cutest, and Beomgyu the most mesmerizing; Yeonjun’s eyes held so much emotions and truth in them – it was the reason why Taehyun enjoyed looking at them so much. Those beautiful round eyes that could never hide his emotions; Yeonjun’s most honest part of himself. Spending countless lives adoring Choi Yeonjun had given Taehyun the ability to guess what the older one is feeling just by making eye contact.
And as of right now, all he sees in Yeonjun’s eyes are reassurance.
Taehyun’s breath hitched. “You can’t leave just yet. I haven’t given you a happier life.”
“It’s okay,” he whispers, placing his right palm on Taehyun’s left cheek. “I’m happy. I’ve always been happy as long as I’m with the four of you. As long as I'm with you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Then tell me,” the smaller interjects, “If– only if– what you’re saying is true, everything about you’re not supposed to exist, is true; then why are you still here.” Because no matter how much Taehyun prayed for this nightmare to end, he would still see Yeonjun in the next one. “If you’re not supposed to exist then why did I spend hundreds of my years chasing after you and trying to save you. Why does Choi Yeonun still exist–?”
“Love.” This time, it wasn’t Yeonjun who replied. Rather, it was that familiar sounding hushed tone; neither masculine or feminine, neither old nor young. Stepping closer and closer to them with those seemingly innocent paws, the cat raised its neck in order to meet their eyes. Finally making eye contact with those green and blue eyes made Taehyun’s skin crawl. “As much as I hate to admit it. Love proves to be much stronger than I had anticipated.”
While Yeonjun grimaced, Taehyun blinked in confusion. “I don’t get it. What do you mean by that?”
“Choi Yeonjun has always been an anomaly.” The cat licked the back of its paw. By now Taehyun realized that despite both of them hearing the cat’s voice, its lips never moved. “I too wonder why someone who was supposed to stop existing kept doing so. Unlike other times, I’ve never touched Choi Yeonjun.”
(When the cat mentioned “other times”, Taehyun wondered which poor souls had to go through such nightmares.)
“I thought he was just another glitch in the universe, a wrong set of variables in an equation. However, the more I watched him, I realized something; Choi Yeonjun has always been in the right equations, all his deaths, they’re supposed to be the answers every time. The wrong variable, the one who makes it repeat every single time–.” A pause. The cat turned its little head to look into Taehyun directly. “It has always been you.”
“...Me?” Taehyun frowned.
“Yes. You,” the cat nods. “It was never Choi Yeonjun’s fault that he kept reincarnating. Rather, Kang Taehyun loved Choi Yeonjun so much it was to the point where the universe had misaligned for the first time. You loved Choi Yeonjun so much that you couldn’t bear to be in a world without him.”
Taehyun felt sick. “The reason why Choi Yeonjun was always reincarnated even after his final death, dying over and over again, reliving awful things and never getting that happiness you said you’ll give him, has always been because of you Kang Taehyun.”
In all honesty, everything that came out of the cat’s mouth afterwards was masked by the ringing on his ears. Was it called tinnitus? Yeah, he remembers the things he learned in biology class three days ago. He likes biology, he hates language class though; it seemed that no matter how many times he reincarnated, he would still hate it. Sports and arts are fun, but honestly he prefers the classes where he can just sit at his desk whilst Kai talks his ear off. Now that he mentioned it, how are his friends? They must be worried sick that both he and Yeonjun never came out of the burning lab fast enough. They should go back now. They really should go back before things get worse. He doesn’t want his friends to be worried, Yeonjun would agree with him. They’ll escape together and grab ice cream from the convenience store a block from school–
“TAEHYUN.”
Oh. That's right. He was in the middle of something. What was it again? Taehyun couldn’t remember. But Yeonjun is kneeling in front of him now (why is he on the ground?), his face showing a rather worried expression. Why is Yeonjun looking at him like that? Was there something on his face? Taehyun raised his numb fingers to caress his own cheeks–
He was crying again. And when the realization hits, when all the memories came back, Taehyun couldn’t help but sob louder. Of course, Yeonjun didn’t hesitate to pull the younger one into a comforting hug, Taehyun’s face buried on the junction of Yoenjun’s neck and shoulder. The latter’s clothes were starting to become wet, but he didn’t care, not when Taehyun was crying his heart out like this.
Taehyun wanted to fight back. He desperately wanted to prove that the cat’s words weren’t true; but the more thought he put into it, the more reality had slapped him in the face. His thoughts and explanation felt like oil being poured on fire, because it kept getting worse and worse. No longer can he deny the fact that he was the reason why Yeonjun had been suffering this whole time – everything made too much sense; why they kept meeting despite being on the opposite ends of earth when born, why Yeonjun kept dying just like his other reincarnations, why Taehyun couldn’t save him, why Choi Yeonjun was never given a single happiness from the universe.
The universe sees Yeonjun as a mistake and had given him the proper penalty for it; but it didn’t realize that Yeonjun only existed because of Taehyun himself.
Even when Taehyun wanted to apologize, only a few amount of unintelligible words came out of his lips, soon followed by the hushed whispers of assurance from Yeonjun – reassurance that it was never his fault to begin with, the universe was just a cruel being. And just like that they stayed. Minutes ticking by was noticeable by how sore their bodies felt staying in one position for too long, but no one moved; not even the cat that stayed by their side this whole time, those different colored eyes staring into nothingness. But it felt peaceful, like it was giving both Yeonjun and Taehyun some privacy.
“I really thought that I could’ve been your hero,” Taehyun mumbled after calming down. While tears were still dropping from the corner of his eyes, at least his voice was comprehensible enough. “I thought that the reason why I kept remembering you, was because I needed to save you. Ironic isn’t it?”
Yeonjun hummed in return, “if it makes you feel better. I’ve always seen you as my hero.”
“Fuck off don’t patronize me.”
Laughter. “I’m serious. The only reason I was able to hold on in these past five lives, was because I knew I can keep seeing you in the next one. Thank you for being my hero.” Their embrace was broken apart by Yeonjun, who had pulled away first in order to meet Taehyun’s swollen eyes. He tried his best to hold in a smile, but how could he when Taehyun looked just adorable. Once again Yeonjun had placed his palm on Taehyun’s right cheek, brushing away a tear with his thumb.
God knows which one hurts more; seeing Taehyun cry or knowing that you’re the reason he did. “But it’s time for you to let go now,” Yeonjun whispers, leaning closer and connecting their foreheads. “It’s time for both of us to rest.”
“I don’t think I can, knowing that you’re not going to be there when I wake up.”
A small smile showed up on Yeonjun’s lips. “I wish there was a happy ending for us.”
“I do too.”
“Sorry it had to end this way.”
“That’s okay. I’m sorry too, for everything.”
Comfortable silence sits between the two of them, followed by Yeonjun standing up and pulling Taehyun with him as he does so. Again, they let themselves be captivated by one another, tracing any details their eyes came across as they try to ignore the pounding pain in their chest. Out of every single death they’ve gone through, every death, this hurts the most. And yet, Taehyun finds himself smiling.
“Thank you for always being my tomorrow.” A single tear left his eye, but he also felt his shoulders getting lighter. Perhaps, relief? Either way, Taehyun was okay; with Yeonjun, with everything. “I wished that we could be together tomorrow too; but I guess this is the last time.”
“Always so poetic aren’t you?” Taking seven steps back, both of Yeonjun’s hands were resting inside of his pockets, body leaning a bit to the right as he made one leg support his whole weight. Just like Taehyun did, Yeonjun smiled; different from his usual smiles, this one was filled with comfort, telling the younger that everything was going to be okay.
“I love you, Kang Taehyun.”
He said it. Taehyun ran forward, hand outstretched. For the first time in thousands of years, he finally said it back. “WAIT–”
Once he blinked, Choi Yeonjun was gone. When Taehyun dropped to the ground, hands clutching his chest and feeling the pain in his chest, he was sure that he’d end up clawing his heart out at this point. He didn’t even realize he was screaming until his throat burned. Uncontrollable waterfall of tears poured over and over again. Taehyun couldn’t stop; how could he?
An accusing and hateful glare was given to the cat, still sitting in its place before. “Why?” he whispered, voice cracking. “Why would you take him away like that?”
“It wasn’t me.” Confusion returned to Taehyun’s face in the midst of his grief. The cat looks mildly annoyed by its own statement, maybe pissed off at the fact that it wasn’t the reason why this much grief has been hapenning. “I told you, Choi Yeonjun existed in this world because of you, I couldn’t interfere with that. Choi Yeonjun disappearing – stopping to exist – was because you had let him go.”
The human was still quiet as he listened to the feline speaking. That was a sign for it to continue, so it did, standing up on its four paws and making its way towards the kneeling teenager. “You might not realize it yourself Kang Taehyun, but the moment Choi Yeonjun had declared his love for you, was also the moment you felt like it was enough, you were willing to let him go.”
Another pause. “You humans are something alright.”
Now Taehyun was silent, too tired and in too much grief to care. He let his back straighten, looking at the single star above him. It looks just like he remembered. He missed it, he missed his friends, he missed Yeonjun.
With a small sigh, Taehyun closed his eyes. “I’m tired. I think I’ve always been tired this whole time, I just didn’t want to admit it.”
“Rest assured Kang Taehyun. You won’t remember anything after this.”
Funny – Taehyun couldn't help but chuckle. “Anything? Not even the thousands of years I’ve lived through? So every single memory of Yeonjun will disappear?”
Licking the back of its paw, the cat nods, no hint of compassion in its body language. “Yes.” What a simple answer. If anything, the ending of their story was almost comical, like it was written in a shitty book published on the internet. Taehyun thought about the days before, and tried to once again reminisce every single inch of Yeonjun – not that it would matter.
Opening his eyes once more, Taehyun turned his head to the right, making eye contact with the cat’s blue and green eyes and smiling. “Fuck you.”
Ringing sounds like a heartbeat monitor. Taehyun groggily opened his eyes to reveal a white ceiling. His whole body was sore, and throat was dry as if he hadn't drank water in years. The moment he tried to take a single breath, he couldn’t help but cough his lungs out. Good news is that his cough manage to catch the attention of nearby nurses who were kind enough to help him drink.
Water has never tasted so good before.
His mind was still a bit foggy, so it took him a while to register who was barging into his room after 15 minutes of total silence. Tall, handsome, looks like he was about to cry – yeah, that’s Choi Soobin. “Hyung,” Taehyun croaked out, “what happened?”
“What happened…?” Soobin gasped, flabbergasted. “What happened– you were an idiot, that’s what you are! What kind of mentally sane person would run into fire?! Do you know how worried sick I was? Not to mention Beomgyu was shouting profanities at everyone while Kai was close to running after you–”
“The person,” cuts Taehyun, “the student in the lab, is he safe?”
Soobin’s once angered look melted into a softer and gentle expression. The tall male sat down on a seat next to Taehyun’s hospital bed. “Yeah,” he nods reassuringly, “you saved him. If you didn’t drag him out in time, god knows what would’ve happened.”
“Where is he now?”
“He’s in intensive care right now since he inhaled a lot more smoke than you did, also with a few burnt scars around his arms and legs – but other than that, Younghoon-hyung’s okay.”
Younghoon. Cho Younghoon. Their senior in school who didn’t escape in time when the fire started. That’s right. Taehyun saved him.
Noticing the sudden change of emotions going through his friend’s face, Soobin did what he did best, listen. He raised his palm and placed them on top of Taehyun’s head, gently caressing the soft black hair. “Sorry,” the older whispered with a small smile, “I barged in and didn’t even ask how you were, that was awful of me. Is there anything you’d like to tell me?”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Taehyun replied, “you were right to be mad, I’d be too if one of you jumped into fire like that.” His words ended with a chuckle. “I’m okay now, I feel better than ever actually.”
“That’s weird considering you almost died.” A light shove was given to the younger’s shoulder, both of them laughing at the short joke. There was a moment of silence in between, with both teenagers just enjoying each other’s presence. While Taehyun looks like he was deep in thought, Soobin felt the need to respect it – Taehyun has always been a deep thinker after all, sometimes staying quiet suddenly. Sometimes, he would even stare silently to the ground or to the distance, unknown to Soobin just what he was thinking.
Another gentle pat. “After you get out of here, let’s hang out with the others; just the four of us like usual.”
Just the four of them; Taehyun with three most important people in his life. “Yeah,” he nods, smiling back. “That sounds nice.”
And in the next life, where Kang Taehyun was reincarnated into a simple farmer in the countryside, Choi Yeonjun was no more.