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It was still dark outside.
Not that that did much to hinder the internal clocks of two tiny children, did it?
But Dorema did have to ask herself, not for the first time, why they’d decided that two of them would be a good idea. Rumita had warned her that the work didn’t double as one might expect but tripled, or maybe even quadrupled itself but… spirits… it was another thing entirely to experience it herself.
The interesting thing was that it was not, for once, the sound of one fledgeling waking and rousing the other which had disturbed her but instead the absence of that. Actually, the house was almost entirely silent. Aside from the familiar tick tick tick of the air conditioning unit, fans working even throughout the night given that it was the height of the summer, she struggled to hear even a trace of the other sounds which should probably be present.
Not to mention, the bed was empty beside her, though an arm cast across it revealed that it’d still retained warmth so… he hadn’t been gone long, had he?
Just then there was a rumble overhead, far far above, and her heart sank. The flight path was supposed to be clear for the week, why- there was another rumble overhead, this time accompanied by a flash of lightning which illuminated the room around her for a moment and revealed that, as she had expected, the room was otherwise empty. Not just the bed beside her but the cot-bed at the foot of it which she’d been so reluctant to remove; Garrus didn’t need to sleep close to her at all at his age but… there were nights when it was still far more comforting to have him close at hand. For her more than him.
Had Cassie accidentally woken him up when he’d gotten up to pace his usual track around their living room in response to noise overhead and therefore had taken him with him so as not to disturb her? Or had he grabbed their son to comfort himself?
He did always seem to find it easier to keep his memories at bay when he had one of their children to concentrate on soothing instead.
She found her feet and, as another, longer flash provided enough light to see by, shuffled out and down the stairs in search of her missing family members. A glance in at Sol’s room revealed she too was missing and… for a moment as the skies cracked open overhead, Dorema couldn’t avoid a surge of worry. He’d always managed to be stable and calm with the children before but what if-
“Big one!” Sol’s voice, floating up from below, soothed away any negative thoughts she might have had about her husband’s actions.
And… the porch light was on. Were they seriously out in this weather?
The scene which she found, upon making her way through the absolute carnage the children had left in the living room, was enough to melt her heart instead.
Castis had pulled one of the deck chairs far enough under the overhang to protect them from being splattered by the now-pounding rain and he’d settled in it - reclined back with both children huddled close to him for comfort as they stared out at the raging storm.
There was a strike- the conductive tower two streets behind taking the full might of the blast - and even Dorema found herself flinching at its proximity and volume. Garrus cried out, trying to claw his way up higher and into the safety of his fathers cowl, whilst Sol, who’d yelped, then began to laugh in appreciation for the display that nature was seemingly putting on just for them.
“‘Nother big one!” Sol crowed gleefully, leaning forwards as if in anticipation of the next strike.
“Big!” Garrus agreed, though sounding far more fretful than his older sister. That was to be expected though - at two and still painfully undersized, everything was more alarming and confusing to him than it was to his adventurous, hard-headed sister.
She was already four, after all. Where had the time gone?
“That one was very close.” Castis answered them, one hand cradling his son’s head so he could properly hide and feel secure. “But we are safe here.”
Sol sat up a little straighter, her attention switching solely to her father. None of them had yet noticed that they had an audience. “How come? What stops it gettin’us?”
“Lightning is drawn to metal, especially exposed metal high up.” He answered patiently, free hand going to adjust the backrest to be more reclined still. Somehow, despite the weather, he seemed to be perfectly at ease - or he’d somehow learned to act like he was in the time between his last panic attack and this one. “We take advantage of that in order to direct it where we want it to strike instead of risking it hurt people. From there, we collect it and use it to help power emergency systems such as the floodwater pumps. The lightning might be dangerous and cause chaos in other places but we have found a way to allow it to be of service and thus removed the threat it poses.”
She didn’t think either one of them properly understood the explanation but his words soothed them, Garrus’ death grip on his father’s cowl edge loosening just a little. Spirits was it a pleasure to get to watch them like this - ignorant to being observed, the sight of her husband placating and educating their children in one go, especially during something she knew full well made him nervous- He was just so good with them and his love for them was so very evident in both his adoring expression and rumbling subvocals. And here she hadn't thought she could ever love him more than she did but... watching him with them found a new image she'd never expected to find so endearing.
Solana’s next question was lost in the following roll of thunder and more distant lightning offered enough light that their daughter caught sight of her and, losing track of whatever it was she had been curious about, she chirruped happily at seeing her. “Mom!” She threw herself off the chair and was in her arms a moment later, far, far too lively for the early hours of the morning.
“Sol, shh, shh…” She struggled to balance her, then shuffled over to settle in the decidedly damp chair next to Castis’ when their little girl didn’t stop struggling. “Storm watching, were we?”
“Garrus and I woke up with the first thunder.” Castis admitted, shifting onto his side to face her. “I decided to take him downstairs before we disturbed you, then Sol heard us go past and chose to join us as the thunder was too loud for her to sleep either.”
And so he’d clearly thought he could make use of the time by showing the children that there was nothing to fear from a thunderstorm, even though he himself had misgivings about being within hearing range of this sort of weather… or had (correctly) thought that it’d net him an extra opportunity to cuddle up with them. He didn’t get enough time with them, truth be told, and she could tell that it weighed heavy on him every time he was forced to leave for work but… that was outside both of their control for now.
“Well, be that as it may…” She nuzzled the top of Sol’s head, regretting how she’d lost so much of her baby fluff at this point, spirits, when had that happened? “I think we’ve all been out here long enough, haven’t we?” Whilst she was sure that making light of the storm was good for their development long term, frankly, the early hours of the morning were not the time for it. Not when they had a perfectly comfortable bed to cuddle up in whilst waiting this particular one out. And especially not when she had a often-absent husband to demand affection from as a way of distracting him.
He considered this, head tilting sideways in thought and for a moment she thought he might object - maybe being outside helped him feel more at ease, after all. But… then he sighed and sat up, his son wrapped up tight in his arms. “I suppose it is cooling down rather quickly. The last thing we want is for either of them to get cold after all.”
That easy? She almost couldn’t believe it.
But, as they all trooped back inside, her setting the door to shut and lock itself behind them once more, a fresh roll of thunder right overhead. Garrus whined in distress, attempting to pull himself higher up to hide in his fathers cowl once more. He paused mid-stride, concern evident and subvocals attempting to soothe their little boy once more.
“I think…” Dorema murmured, turning back to watch him fondly as he cooed to the toddler. “I think we ought to all stay together tonight.”
He hummed in agreement once they started moving once more, climbing the staircase. “I suspect that would be appreciated by all of us.”
In typical fashion though, by the time they’d gotten up the stairs, both children had dropped off once more. Nevertheless, with the storm showing no sign of letting up, they settled Sol between them; Castis keeping Garrus in his cowl given that he was comfortable there.
By the time that she found a comfortable stop - weather outside still foul - dawn was just about breaking. The grey light which filtered through the shutters wasn’t attractive in the way that some early mornings were but… those tended not to include the whole family, she reflected and there was something beautiful to find in that instead. Especially as Sol snuggled into her fathers side whilst he dozed off.
There was something so very comforting about it all, vile weather outside unable to reach them properly and both children gravitating towards their father for comfort. To them, the fact that he wasn’t always there wasn’t an issue, just a reason to be happier still when he was there to dote on them. And dote he sure did, maybe in part because he was constantly scrounging and struggling to be able to spend an extra day or two with the three of them whenever he could make it work. The strain showed, too. He’d lost even more weight- weight he hadn’t had to spare to begin with if she was quite honest.
“He’s not eating enough.” Avitus had told her after he’d had a chance to witness it for himself, his ship laid up for three days leave on the Citadel. “Gave me some shit about how he’d just not had time to get groceries this week but the cupboards were bare and he got pissed when I took him shopping.” She’d expected as much, considering that they’d had to replace a couple of appliances in the past month but… it’d also made it all the more frustrating when he’d come home with toys for both children; gladly appreciated but very much not needed when funds were tight for the both of them. His assurances that he’d budgeted for it didn’t help, not when the evidence said so clearly otherwise.
Spirits only knew what they would do if they didn’t have Avitus to harangue him into taking better care of himself at the times when she couldn’t be there for him. Admittedly, sometimes it was hard not to resent that he could go and bully him whilst she remained tied to Cipritine by work and the kids with very little ability to keep him company beyond hurried phone calls with them at opposing ends of their shifts and hushed late-night vid-calls when they could make time zones coincide. He meanwhile was as free as his deployment allowed and- That wasn’t fair and she knew it.
Castis had had a perfectly reasonable solution for their predicament and she’d been the one to refuse it. The children would have been perfectly content if that was the only life they’d ever known, happier probably, if only because they’d have had him all the time and… she’d denied all of them that based off her own feelings. Worst of all, Castis had to have made that connection and yet he never expressed the slightest bit of resentment against her for having essentially forced a wedge between him and the children he so adored. Not that he ever complained about anything.
A freighters engines roared high overhead, battling its way through the storm as it made for the spaceport. He flinched, eyes snapping open to reveal blown pupils and a glazed, distant look she recognised all too well and hated so very much.
“Cassie…” She murmured, not wanting to disturb either sleeping child. One eye focused on her, though by how much, she wasn’t quite sure. “You’re home. You’re safe. Do you know where you are?”
“Home.” He murmured, taking in shuddering breath. “In bed. With… you. And- and Sol and Garrus.” It looked like hard work but spirits he was trying.
“That’s right.” She reached across to rest her hand against his cheek and he nuzzled against it, managing to let go of some of his panic with it. “You’re safe here, with us. We’re all safe.”
His next breath came out as a rattling sigh, one hand coming up to card through Garrus’ tawny fluff - taking his time and soothing himself with the physical contact for sure - but he did genuinely seem to be able to relax more for having him there. “I’m fine.” He said at long last, eyes slipping closed once more, though she’d noticed how that awful, wild look had entirely left them. “I have to be calm- they need me to be alright with this, for their sake.”
Spirits his dedication to them was just… “And you’re managing brilliantly.” She whispered, lest emotion overwhelm her. “Look how safe they feel because they’ve got you to protect them.”
His eyes cracked open again, taking in both of his sleeping charges before flicking up to her, entirely at peace now. “I love them.” He murmured, as though she needed words to affirm what was so obvious for all to see.
As if it wasn’t the clearest possible thing, from everything that he did- and quite honestly, she suspected that their existence was one of the few things which had kept him alive through the past few years. “I know, Cassie, I know- and they love you so much too. You’re an amazing father to them.”
Castis didn’t seem to believe her, which- no doubt it was hard to believe when he missed out on so much time with them. And yet the evidence was right in front of them, sleeping soundly on because of his presence in their lives. Because of the love they knew he had for them. “I hope they always love me this much.”
How could they ever not? Well-
‘There’ll be hard days.” She admitted, shifting closer. “There will be times they’ll think they hate you, that you’re out to get them and I know those times will hurt you as much as me but… when it comes down to it, they’ll always have you - have us - and they’ll know it at heart. You can’t do anything more than love them and wait for them to remember that they love you too.”
“You’re probably right.” The hand which had been so methodically working its way through their younger’s down left its job at last and found her hand instead, interlacing their fingers.
Dorema found herself chuckling at this, squeezing his hand. “Ah, my dear, haven’t you realised? I’m usually right about a lot of things.”
But, for all that she wanted to make light of it, she couldn’t help but wonder if the distance she’d forced between them wasn’t the biggest mistake she’d ever made.