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The school bell rings, snapping Karamatsu out of his own thoughts. It felt like classes went on longer than they usually did, or at least that’s what he thought. The other students begin to stand, pack their things, and try to walk out of the room without having to bump into Jyushimatsu. Everyone knew trying to make him mad, even by accident, was a bad idea. No one knew this better than Karamatsu, who not only was his brother but also was the only one of his brothers he shared a class with.
Karamatsu quickly glances over to Jyushimatsu, who was glaring at the other students as he walked past them. They’d let him pass, not wanting to invoke his wrath. When the fifth eldest’s eye quickly catches on to Karamatsu, he looks away and goes back to minding his own business. He’s pretty sure the younger’s gaze is still on him as he reaches into his desk to grab his books.
He then hears Jyushimatsu shout “Move it!”, followed by the stomping of slippers. He was gone now, and Karamatsu wouldn’t see him again until dinner. He wished he could ask his little brother why he was so angry, even if he had a feeling he knew why, but he had no idea how to talk to him anymore.
As he gets lost in his thoughts again while packing, Karamatsu doesn’t hear the footsteps walking up to him. He then feels a hand tap him on the shoulder, which sends him into a fight or flight mode. Karamatsu whips himself around violently, eyes shut tight and arms raised defensively to protect himself from his would-be assailant.
“Woah, Karamatsu!” a familiar voice exclaims in shock. “It’s just me.”
Karamatsu peeks open an eye. Standing in front of him was Atsushi Omura, who’s own hands were raised to protect himself from a potential punch. Once he realizes this, Karamatsu lowers his arms. “A-Atsushi!” he stammers. “I’m so sorry! I thought you were Jyushimatsu, or that you were going to hurt me, o-or...”
“It’s okay,” Atsushi reassures, gently patting Karamatus on the arm. “Sorry for surprising you. I know we were supposed to meet up on the roof, but...” He gives him a slightly sly smile. “I couldn’t wait.” Atsushi and Karamatsu were in different classes and did different after school activities, so they rarely had any time to themselves.
Karamatsu makes a noise of agreement. He was glad school was over, because now he could hang out with Atsushi. “Let me just finish gathering my things.”
Atsushi patiently stands beside Karamatsu’s desk as he packs the last of his books in his bag. Once his bag is closed up and carried on his shoulder, the two of them head out of class 3-2. Karamatsu decides to lag behind Atsushi a bit. His anxiety was already spiking as he walked down the hall with him. It felt like the other students in the hallway were staring at the two of them, silently judging him for hanging out with someone like Atsushi. He kept his eyes glued to the ground so he could avoid any judgemental stares, but not so low that he couldn’t see where Atsushi was going. Not that he didn’t know, since it was where they always went.
As the two approach the stairway, they suddenly hear footsteps running up towards them.
“Karamatsu nii-chan!”
Karamatsu turns around and is immediately caught off guard as he’s tackled. It wasn’t an attack though, merely it was his brother, Todomatsu, giving him the most powerful hug his tiny body can manage. Karamatsu thankfully doesn’t fall over, but the force of the impact is strong enough to make him a bit short winded.
‘Please let me go, Todomatsu,’ is what Karamatsu wants to say, but the words fail to escape his mouth. He’s instead left frozen like a deer as his brother keeps on hugging him affectionately. When it came to his brothers, he felt like he no longer knew how to talk to them. The rest of them were giving each other the cold shoulder. He wasn’t sure any of them even had a proper conversation in months. Karamatsu wasn’t purposefully ignoring his brothers, it was just that they all had changed so drastically that they felt like strangers.
The only one who tried to talk to any of them was Todomatsu. He wouldn’t just attempt to reach out, though. Todomatsu would cling and never let go. Admittedly, it was a little bit annoying how dependent of his brothers Todomatsu was, but at least he was attempting to communicate with them. It made Karamatsu a bit jealous of his younger brother. If only he knew how to talk to them again without freezing up.
“Hello, Todomatsu-kun,” Atsushi greets, not even phased with what just happened.
Todomatsu looks aside Karamatsu and practically lights up when he sees Atsushi. “Atsushi-kun! Hi! Are you and Karamatsu nii-chan going somewhere?” His little brother just had to be observant. Awkwardly, Karamatsu puts his palm against Todomatsu’s forehead and pushes him off so he can turn back to face Atsushi.
It’s only temporary as Todomatsu latches back on to him, this time hugging him from the side. The sight gets Atsushi to chuckle, and Karamatsu’s face turns bright red.
‘Everyone’s definitely looking at me now... how embarrassing!’
Any form of attention on Karamatsu felt like too much, that he would explode just from making eye contact for too long. It wasn’t just his brothers, Karamatsu was just bad with people in general.
The one person he could hold any sort of conversation with was Atsushi. It was actually Todomatsu who introduced him to the other. For some reason, Atsushi was very interested in the second eldest, and Karamatsu didn’t understand why at the time. There was nothing special about him aside from being part of the theater club. He wasn’t even the best member, as last year he got cast as a tree.
“Yeah, Karamatsu and I were just going somewhere,” Atsushi answers.
“Ooo! Can I go too?” Todomatsu hops in place, tugging at Karamatsu’s arm. “Please, nii-chan?” Karamatsu looks down at his brother. His eyes were sparkling with anticipation.
Karamatsu just gives him a mix between a smile and a grimace. He really didn’t want Todomatsu to tag along. As much as he missed his brother, this was supposed to be his and Atsushi’s time alone. Plus, Todomatsu didn’t know that the two of them were...
“Actually,” Atsushi pipes in, which gets the two Matsuno’s to look back at him. “Karamatsu and I were going to hang out alone. Just the two of us.” He quickly glances at Karamatsu, his eyes looking at him comfortingly like they were saying “I’ve got this, don’t worry.”
“Wh-What?” Tears were pooling in Todomatsu’s eyes, just about ready to spill. Uh oh, that was the wrong thing to say. Todomatsu was going to cry, and that made Karamatsu internally freak out more than he already was.
In the past he was good at comforting his younger brother whenever needed, as the two were closest with each other. Now any signs of his brother crying made Karamatsu both anxious and want to cry as well. They were both 18, they didn’t need to make a scene in the middle of the hallway.
Atsushi then walks up to the two of them and takes one of Todomatsu’s hands into his own. Now that his younger brother was no longer latched to him, Karamatsu backs up a bit.
“Don’t cry, Todomatsu,” Atsushi reassures. “I promise that next time we can hang out together. Just the three of us. How does that sound?”
“Do... Do you promise?” Todomatsu sniffles, wiping his eyes with his oversized sleeve.
Atsushi nods. “Promise.”
He holds out his pinky, and the two of them make a pinky promise. Karamatsu just watches in amazement.
“I can’t wait!” Todomatsu exclaims, now in higher spirits. He then runs off, pausing quickly to turn around and say, “Don’t forget; you pinkie promised!”
“We won’t,” Atsushi promises. With that, Todomatsu leaves.
Once the younger Matsuno turns the corner, Atsushi looks over at Karamatsu and asks, “Are you okay, Karamatsu?”
“Y-Yeah,” Karamatsu says nervously but reassuringly. He rubs his hand nervously behind the back of his head. “Thank you, Atsushi.”
He smiles. “It’s no problem. You looked like you needed help.” That was certainly an understatement.
With that slight obstacle out of the way, the two of them head up the stairs. It’s not until there are no other students around that Atsushi pauses and holds out his hand. Karamatsu takes the hint and takes it into his own, their fingers intertwining. He’s sure his hand is clammy, but Atsushi doesn’t complain.
For the past few months, the two teens have been secretly dating each other. The reason was more for Atsushi’s benefit than Karamatsu’s. Atsushi was one of the most popular students at Akatsuka High, as well as a role model. He was expected by his father to be the top of his class, to be a successful businessman and to find a woman he deemed worthy of marrying. About a good majority of the girls at Akatsuka High were already fawning over him.
Unfortunately for them and his father, Atsushi had come to realize he was also attracted to men. He still liked women, it’s just that his male attraction was much stronger. As it just so happened, the majority of that attraction was towards Karamatsu. His father would never let him date someone like him, let alone be okay with him dating another man. Atsushi knew if word got out to the school, it would find its way back to his father. He didn’t need to know about this.
Karamatsu’s family wouldn’t care if he was dating someone of the same sex, but he also didn’t want their relationship to be known. At least not while they were still in high school. Atsushi was popular, so if word got out, then all the attention that was usually given to him would also fall onto Karamatsu. That was just too stressful for Karamatsu to manage. The only time a spotlight should be on him was when he was doing theater. That was fine for him, because at least theater was fun. Getting involved in a minor scandal wasn’t.
Karamatsu’s pulled out of his thoughts when he feels Atsushi gently squeeze his hand. It’s a comforting gesture, a way of him saying “I love you” and “Everything’s okay”. He squeezes his hand back. The two then make it to the very top of the stairwell and to the rooftop. It’s empty of other people, so now they’re both alone. It brings back a memory to Karamatsu’s mind.
It still feels like it happened yesterday. A note was left in Karamatsu’s locker a month into their third year. It asked to meet him up on this very rooftop. He almost didn’t show up, thinking that it was just some sort of prank. He did end up going to the roof, where he was surprised to find Atsushi. At the time the two had known each other for a bit and were pretty good friends. He had no idea why Atsushi would want to see him though, and was afraid it would be something bad. It thankfully wasn’t that, but it was something just as surprising.
“I’ve fallen for you.”
That was what Atsushi had said. It was a confession of love. Karamatsu still remembers freaking out a bit when he first heard it, almost not believing it. Atsushi had to help him calm down. It was embarrassing.
Now they were here, back at the roof he had first been confessed to. They’d meet in secret up here when both of their schedules were free. Before, Karamatsu would occasionally sit on the rooftop by himself. Surprisingly, this wasn’t a place of interest for any of the other students. That’s why it was the perfect spot for the two of them.
Karamatsu feels Atsushi let go of his hand as he begins to climb the ladder up to above the rooftop entrance. That’s where the two of them would usually sit when they came up here. That way, if anyone else were to come to the roof, then they wouldn’t be noticed right away.
As Karamatsu climbs up to the top, he sees Atsushi sitting against the cylinder shaped structure (he had no idea what it was called) part of the roof. He smiles at Karamatsu as he pats the spot to his left, beckoning his boyfriend to join him. Karamatsu blushes and joins him by his side. Once he sits down, Atsushi leans his head into his shoulder.
“It’s a nice day,” Atsushi notes as he looks up at the sky. “I’m glad we decided to come up here today.”
“Yeah,” Karamatsu agrees, also looking up. The sky was clear of any clouds, allowing it to show off its blue hue to all of Akatsuka Ward. Blue was definitely Karamatsu’s favorite color. Something about it and its various shades just gravitated him towards it. He could stare up at the sky for hours, admiring the view and the hue. He also admired Atsushi. He had to be the luckiest person on the planet to be able to date someone like him.
The run-in with Todomatsu earlier then pops its way back into Karamatsu’s mind, and he feels bad again. “Sorry you had to get rid of Todomatsu,” Karamatsu apologizes. He knew Todomatsumeant no harm, as he just wanted to hang out with his friend and his older brother. Still, it was Atsushi who had to politely tell him to leave them alone while Karamatsu was left frozen in place without even getting a word in.
“It’s fine,” Atsushi says, tone indicating he wasn’t bothered. “I know you have trouble talking with your family nowadays.”
Karamatsu wishes he didn’t, though. They were his brothers, his family. “Todomatsu was my best friend, and now I feel like I no longer know him. What if I can never talk to him again?”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to. It’s not like you’ll stop talking to them forever.” Then why did it feel like that’s what was going to happen? Karamatsu was supposed to be spending time with his boyfriend, to get his mind off of his family troubles. “Although, I will admit that I thought you were just exaggerating when you said you couldn’t talk to them anymore. I had no idea it was quite literal.”
That was the “fun” power of being anxious 24/7. An awkward chuckle escapes from Karamatsu’s lips. “I’m glad I can talk to you, at least.”
“I’m glad, too.” Karamatsu smiles. It’s a small one, but the gesture alone is a huge expression of his happiness.
Atsushi moves his arm and wraps it around Karamatsu’s back, bringing him in a one armed hug. It makes Karamatsu feel he was closer to him than he already was. “So how was class for you today?” Atsushi asks, changing the subject.
Karamatsu answers with how it was honestly boring, and the two of them move on talking about how their school day was for the day. That eventually moves to just Atsushi talking while Karamatsu listens intently, the two of them no longer touching each other but just sitting side by side. Nothing interesting had happened in the acne face teen’s life, so he had less to discuss. The well of interesting things for him to say had been dried for the day, and it most likely wouldn’t be refilled for a while.
That was becoming a pattern with him, he realizes. Not being able to say anything while Atsushi did all the vocal work. Feeling bad about not being able to speak was another pattern he noticed. Karamatsu couldn’t help it, and his anxiety wouldn’t let him.
Thankfully, Atsushi’s own pattern was that he didn’t mind this about Karamatsu. Atsushi was so caring and patient with him, and he loved him for that. He also had the ability to make the most mundane things sound interesting, as Karamatsu was enraptured with his current story about a debate he got into with another student. Not keeping his eyes off of his boyfriend, Karamatsu reaches into his bag that was lying by his side and pulls out a snack. It was a box of pocky he had bought from a vending machine on his way to school this morning. He keeps on listening as he pulls out a stick from the box and begins to eat.
“And so he was saying that...” Atsushi trails off when he hears chewing. Only slightly confused, he looks over at the other teen.
When Karamatsu realizes he stopped talking because of his eating, his cheeks flush in embarrassment. “S-Sorry!” He quickly apologizes. “I’m still listening! Please continue.”
“Oh, you got pocky?” Atsushi notes with interest. He glances at the box in Karamatsu’s hands. “Are those the Cookies and Cream flavored ones?”
Still embarrassed, Karamatsu nods. He would usually buy the regular ones, but he felt like mixing things up a bit. It was a special treat for himself.
“I heard those ones are supposed to taste really good. May I try one?”
“Ah!” Why hadn’t he offered him one earlier? “O-Of course!” Karamatsu places the stick he was already eating from in his mouth and pulls out a new one from the box. Atsushi looks at the pocky stick in his boyfriend’s hand as he holds it out, then he glances at the one in his mouth.
Atsushi smirks and, before Karamatsu can question it, leans forward. He catches the other end of the mouth pocky with his teeth. Karamatsu freezes, his cheeks feeling much warmer. Atsushi was close enough that they could be kiss-
A tiny crunch is heard.
Atsushi’s face was closer. He had taken a bite.
The sly smile on Atsushi’s face as he holds the pocky between his teeth had told Karamatsu enough about his intentions.
Another bite, another half an inch closer to his face.
Another bite, another worry from Karamatsu that he was going to mess this up.
Another bite.
Realizing what was about to happen, Karamatsu snaps off his end of the stick with his teeth and pulls his face away. He puts a hand to his mouth in embarrassment as he chews and swallows the pocky. That wasn’t what he meant to do. It was a panic induced instinct.
Atsushi just stares at Karamatsu, a little bit shell shocked. He then leans back against the wall, finishing his stick as well before saying, “Sorry, Karamatsu. I had always wanted to do that and I couldn’t resist.”
He wants to say it’s fine, but Karamatsu can’t find his voice at the moment. His hand was still holding out the stick he was going to offer earlier, and he realizes it when Atsushi takes it from his hand. When Karamatsu finds the courage to look back, Atsushi’s slowly chewing on the pocky as he looks up at the sky.
Was Atsushi mad at him now? Did Karamatsu mess up by interrupting the kiss? He did want to kiss him, he just wasn’t expecting him to do something like that. It felt ripped straight out of a romance anime.
It was okay, though. Karamatsu could fix this! At least, he hoped he could.
Closing up the pocky box and placing it to his side, Karamatsu closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He then leans forward, as far as his body would let him, and gets his lips into kissing position. All he had to do was keep going and plant a kiss on his cheek. Maybe if this romance story continued out like it did in others, Atsushi would turn his head and he’d end up kissing him on the lips instead. That kind of thought made Karamatsu’s heart both flutter with anticipation and nervousness.
Atsushi does look over once he’s done with his pocky, but he doesn’t receive a kiss on the cheek or lips. Instead, he witnesses his boyfriend’s lips puckered up and his eyes shut tight, barely even leaning in.
Atsushi can’t help but chuckle at the sight. “You’re so silly, Karamatsu.” He then leans in and closes the gap, placing a hand on the other’s cheek.
Time freezes for Karamatsu. He doesn’t dare open his eyes, not wanting to ruin the moment. It wasn’t the first time the two have kissed, but every time they did it always felt special to him. Karamatsu takes in a breath through his nose and relaxes his shoulders.
The kiss doesn’t last long as he feels Atsushi’s lips pull away. Karamatsu opens his eyes and sees nothing but his boyfriend smiling at him, and it has him feeling all the warm fuzzies.
“I love you,” Karamatsu says instinctually, because that’s what this was.
It was love.
“I love you, too.” Atsushi responds.
A mutual love.
The two press their foreheads together, just enjoying each other’s company. That’s the other thing Karamatsu loved about Atsushi, that things just felt normal when he was around him. He didn’t have to worry about school, or his brothers, or anything else.
...Okay, maybe he did still worry sometimes. But most of those had to do with anxiety and being a good boyfriend. He’d never dated anyone before, and he was constantly worried about messing it all up.
Those same worries decide to retreat to the back of Karamatsu’s mind for the moment as he’s pulled in for another kiss.
He could worry about his family and lack of social skills later. Right now, he just wanted to be at Atsushi’s side.