Work Text:
the second coming of the ocean gate vessel was no surprise.
but to Shane Dawson, jeffery star, mr beast, and Colleen Balinger. the original was only a cautionary tale.
Shane was hoping to release another apology video, but Colleen had to steal his ideas.
jeffery was gonna do a little mermaid themed pallte and do a underwater live stream from inside the new vessel. and seance he believed in the infinite dimension theory, he was to carve a master plan.
mr beast ran out of money to un-blind people. so he needed the publicity.
and colleen was ready with her ukulele to make the worst apology live of all time.
as the tooth paste canister lowers into the water, all any of them could think was, would they end up like Stockton rush and his hoes? they wouldn't. they couldn't. new saftey measures where in place, though it was still held together with felt seal. but phill swift could never lie... would he? as he was the new CEO of ocean gate. he knew best.
but that was Colleens main thought. she also thought that she looked just like Amy lee, like her idol...eboney darkness dementia raven way, and jeffery Epstein.
soon the decent had stoped, and they all decided it was time to get to work.
Shane was starting up his cam corder, in order to start apologizing about making a blank space parody detailing about how he was gonna kill Taylor Swift, and her fans and only just now found out about it.
jeffery had started his stream hours ago, and was drawing a weird ass circle on the floor in order to do a funky ass stunt.
mr beast was flexing with pepper cash, talking about the vessel itself, hogging up the window causing jefery to not have a good background.
and Colleen was making her ukulele song, that even Shane, AND the Paul brothers had warned her not to do.
as jeffery was hella mad at mr beast, he decided that he was gonna sick the thing he was summoning on mr beast when he was done with the circle, and promoting his new white blush. I
It only took jeffery 23 minutes to do both simotanously, now all he had to do was throw a brick, a crow head, a fugly hat, and some black hair dye into the circle, and automatically the smell of teen took over the coke can, Colleen immediately smelled it. as she was a fucking predator.
"girl back off!" jeffery had punched her in the face, causing her to go flying and Shane to switch cameras so he could get evidence for a new series to see in jeffery star was a sociopath. suddenly there he stood, colleen was in amazement, Shane was now having flash backs to the Stanley hotel video, and jimmy was now tweeting about how he was going to suck Elon's balls.
there stood, Kaz brekker. '
not who jeffery was hoping for, but he still worked. jeffery pointed his camera at Kaz, as he began to inspect the hat jeffery had put into the summoning circle.
jimmy suddenly looked up from his sexting and asked kaz, "damn when did your bitch ass pull up, they told the others that Colleen wasn't allowed around kids." jimmy had now set down his fake cash, taking him in fully. kaz scoffed,
"do you consider yourself the.... leader of this group?"
"obviously" jimmy stated. kaz looked around, leaning onto his cane fully, addressing everyone else in the whale dildo.
" 'I know that virtue to be in you, Brutus,
As well as I do know your outward favor.
Well, honor is the subject of my story.
100
I cannot tell what you and other men
Think of this life; but, for my single self,
I had as lief not be as live to be
In awe of such a thing as I myself.
I was born free as Caesar; so were you;
1
We both have fed as well, and we can both
Endures the winter’s cold as well as he.
For once, upon a raw and gusty day,
The troubled Tiber chafing with her shores,
Caesar said to me “Dar’st thou, Cassius, now
Leap in with me into this angry flood
And swim to yonder point?” Upon the word,
Accoutered as I was, I plungèd in
And bade him follow; so indeed he did.
The torrent roared, and we did buffet it
With lusty sinews, throwing it aside
And stemming it with hearts of controversy.
But ere we could arrive the point proposed,
Caesar cried “Help me, Cassius, or I sink!”
I, as Aeneas, our great ancestor,
Did from the flames of Troy upon his shoulder
The old Anchises bear, so from the waves of Tiber
Did I the tired Caesar. And this man
Is now become a god, and Cassius is
A wretched creature and must bend his body
If Caesar carelessly but nod on him.
He had a fever when he was in Spain,
And when the fit was on him, I did mark
How he did shake. ’Tis true, this god did shake.
His coward lips did from their color fly,
And that same eye whose bend doth awe the world
Did lose his luster. I did hear him groan.
Ay, and that tongue of his that bade the Romans
Mark him and write his speeches in their books,
“Alas,” it cried “Give me some drink, Titinius”
As a sick girl. You gods, it doth amaze me
A man of such a feeble temper should
So get the start of the majestic world
And bear the palm alone.'" he recited, the group looked at him in confusion, and kaz continued, "that sonnet tells us that Caesar wasn't as 'godly' or as 'all powerful' as Brutus had originally thought, now im telling you to not trust a man who sexts over twitter."
"Casear milan?" jeffery asked, kaz glared at him, raping his cane on the floor in a angry British way.
"no dip-shit Julius casear." he awnserd. Jimmys face was red, and he set the camera next to the fake cash, pointing the camera at him and kaz, the chat was wild. he walked up to kaz, fist clenched, and swung, kaz automatically beat him in the face with his cane, causing jimmy to fall on his stomach, and kaz shoved his cane very far up his as. and he held his posture normally,
"hold up don't you need that?" Colleen asked, holding her ukulele tightly,
"no... im method acting. im actually Freddy Carter." Colleen fell backwards at this, with a scream
"NOOOOOOO FREDDY IS LIKE 30!!!!" she began to cry, she had taken a oath at the Vatican to be with children.
"damn this is starting to fell quite nice, the friction of my jeans makes it even better, you think you could move it around a bit?" jimmy asked kaz, kaz stomped his head, causing his chat to begin to shit themselves even more causing a 300000000000 dollar hype train on twitch.
Shane turned to jeffery, and asked, "why would you need hair dye to summon him, like I get the hat and the other stuff." kaz decided to awnser for him,
"im actually blonde, it doesn't match my aesthetic though."
"I thought you where Freddy-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!" kaz screamed and began to chug a white monster, imdetleyly spiting it out remembering that dsmp fanfic with the monster can. Shane had now stoped recording, causing him to have a identity crisis about his hair, 'was being a ginger apart of his aesthetic?" 'was he even real..."
colleen had now passed out of anger, and confusion.
and jeffery was now promoting again, so kaz went back to who knows where, but the four YouTubers where never seen again.