Archive of Our Own ^beta

Only a few weeks after the end of the war, Izuku starts having trouble sleeping.

The first time it happens, it begins with loud bangs, noises of shattering glass and the most heart-wrenching screams.

Tokoyami, being the closest to Izuku’s room, is the first one to notice the noises. He's confused at first but manages to recognize Izuku's voice and runs towards his neighbor’s room. Not bothering to knock, he blasts the door open and rushes inside.

"Midoriya! What's up?! What’s going on?" the bird screams into the dimly lit room, Dark shadow ready to go against whatever is going on, or whoever is attacking his classmate.

He looks down at the bed and finds Izuku there, screaming and crying but apparently safe—his eyes closed but his body shaking nervously.

Tokoyami grabs him by the shoulders and tries to wake him up to no avail. Izuku seems to be caught up deep inside an awful nightmare.

Todoroki and Iida are the next ones to arrive at the scene, also awakened by the commotion and the noises coming out from his classmate’s room.

Todoroki enters the room in a swift movement and approaches his two classmates. "What's wrong?!" he asks Tokoyami when he notices Izuku's unconscious form in his bed. His normally unphased face crinkled with worry.

“Looks like he’s having a nightmare, a very bad one at that, but I can't seem to wake him up,” answers Tokoyami, visibly distressed.

A sudden crash screeches the three boys to a halt as the two glass windows in Izuku's room suddenly shatter to the ground, fortunately not hurting anybody. Tendrils of black whip accompanied by little green sparks of OFA start flying across the room.

"Kacchan!" Izuku screams in his sleep.

They all turn around to watch Izuku's fretting form in his bed. His eyes are closed, but he's sweating profusely, his limbs shaking.

"No, no, no, no, Kacchan..." he mutters again.

Izuku's black whip is now completely unleashed and starts shooting itself aimlessly against the small room’s walls, crashing everything in its way.

"Someone go find Bakugo, now!" Todoroki yells at the small crowd that suddenly gathered outside Izuku's room. Almost everybody in the boy's dorm is standing in the hallway, trying to enter the room or get a peek at what’s going on inside.

Ojiro, barely comprehending what's going on, is the first one to snap out of it and starts running to the stairs. He reaches Katsuki's room in no time and doesn't even bother to knock on his door.

Oh my god, he is going to kill me, isn't he? What am I even thinking? 

Images of the most gruesome death at the hands of a sleep-deprived explosive gremlin flash through his mind. He pushes them away instantly, though, there are more important things at hand.

Katsuki jolts awake in his bed and shouts, "What the fuck do you think you're doing, Tail?" sporting the biggest scowl on his forehead.

“Bakugo! It's Midoriya. You need to come right now!" Ojiro screams back at him.

“The fuck? What's up with the nerd?” The blonde blurts back reluctantly but gets out of bed in record time—anger now replaced by... concern?

Ojiro is confused, but his mission here is done, so he rushes them both downstairs and briefs him with the scarce details that he's managed to grasp from the few minutes he’s been in the hallway.

When they get to Izuku's room, Todoroki and Iida are still trying to calm the boy down, but the screams only seem to get louder.

"No! Kacchan! Thi-This can't be… You can’t be… Kacchan!" Izuku is crying in his sleep and the sight is, well… devastating, to say the least.

Katsuki doesn't really know what to do, but he's been called here to help, right? For some reason, he seems to be the only one here who can make this situation better.

He is a hero, damn it, of course he can make any situation better.

He pushes Todoroki and Iida away from the distressed form of Izuku on the bed and kneels down, placing both arms on the boy's trembling shoulders.

"Nerd, hey, snap out of it," he tries, his voice collected but sharp.

Katsuki's words seem to be the first ones to reach the subconscious of Izuku's mind. His eyes are still closed and he's still moving his head from side to side, but the screams seem to have quieted down at least a bit.

"Kacchan...Kacchan is..d-dead" Izuku sobs, and black whip activates again—one of its tendrils shooting directly from his left hand into one of the bookshelves and crashing it and Izuku’s All Might action figures to the ground.

"Fuck..." murmurs Katuski through gritted teeth, trying to maintain his hold on Izuku’s limbs.

"De-Izuku, listen, I'm right here, I'm not dead," his voice loud but gentle—the gentlest he can manage, at least. He's trying with all his will to remain calm while applying a little more pressure on Izuku's shoulders against the mattress, but there's still no conscious response.

On a whim, he moves his right hand from Izuku’s shoulder to his cheek, hesitantly aiming to calm him, but decides against it at the last moment and slaps him instead.

"Oi! Come one nerd, wake up, I'm here, stop this!" He says, raising his voice.

At that, Izuku seems to be brought back to the world of the awake. He sits up, and the first thing he notices is Kacchan's alive face, barely recognizable in the darkness of the room. But it’s definitely him, it’s Kacchan.

Kacchan is alive.

Tears start welling up in his eyes, and when he brings his hands up to wipe at them, he realizes that his face is already soaked. With a quick, confused look, he notices they are not the only ones in the room, and he also takes in that said room is in shambles.

What's going on? What happened? Why is everybody here? Why is Kacchan here? Why are his All Might figures all shattered on the floor, and what happened to his windows?

Flashes of the nightmare flood Izuku’s mind, and he can't help but start hyperventilating. Kacchan seems to notice and grabs his shoulders more firmly, as if to ground him. Before he says anything, he cranes his neck to the door and shouts.

"You extras go back to your fucking rooms! There's nothing to see here!"

Izuku can't breathe. His vision is becoming blurry and he is soaked in sweat. He is shaking all over. Is he having a panic attack?

"Izuku, come on, try to breathe, okay?" Katuski tries to sound reassuring. He himself is panicking inside, he's definitely not good with this shit, for fuck’s sake. But someone needs him right now, right? Izuku needs him.

"Here, I'm very much alive, can't you feel it?" he says as he boldly grabs Izuku's hand and places it right on top of his chest.

Izuku notices that Kacchan is very much alive indeed, and that brings a bit of calmness to the whole ordeal.

"Try to match my breathing, nerd, can you do that?" Katsuki remembers Aizawa doing that to Eri every time the brat was struggling in similar situations, and figures he might as well try. Izuku nods and tries to do as he's told.

Concentrating on Kacchan's heartbeat and his soft puffs of air seems to work. He can breathe again and the shakes are slowly quieting down.

"I-I don't... What happened?" Izuku asks when he's regained a bit of breath.

"I don't know, you tell me,'' Kacchan acts nonchalant, but he's still not breaking contact with Izuku—his shaky hand still placed on Katsuki's chest.

"Tail woke me up and said I needed to come here." At the lack of response, he goes on.

"When I got in, you were screaming and shit, black whip was all over the place, and the windows were already broken."

At that, Izuku is taken aback. "Did I... Did I hurt anyone? Did I hurt you?" he asks, panic evident in his voice. He quickly removes his hand from Katsuki's chest.

"Hah? No, you didn't, nerd. Stop fretting," responds Katsuki while awkwardly removing his hands from where they were still grabbing Izuku's shoulders.

"O-Okay..." Izuku half-whispers. "Thank you, Kacchan," he manages to say with a hint of a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. 

"It's whatever," blurts Katsuki in response. Averting Izuku’s wet, green eyes, he continues.

"What was the nightmare about?"

Izuku visibly fidgets at the question, and a flash of hurt and fear invades his features again.

"I was... dreaming about the moment I first saw you lying there..." Katsuki's jaw tenses, his fists clenching.

"You weren't moving, Kacchan. You weren't breathing, and he was right there! And—and he was smiling! He did that to you, and—and you were gone, Kacchan. You don't understand! Nobody could save you. I couldn't save you... you were..."

Izuku's cheeks are soaked again as he hiccups, trying to maintain a bit of semblance that he's back to being a coherent human being, but failing miserably.

"I know you don't like to hear this and I know you don't need anyone to save you, but... Kacchan, you were dead! And I—I wanted to...I just— I wanted to kill him."

Katsuki is at a loss for words.

He doesn't want to talk about any of this. The events are still too vivid in his mind, his body still sore and wounded. He hasn't even come to terms with everything that happened.

But he'll try. For Izuku, he'll try.

"I get it, okay? I get it!" he blurts back and stops Izuku's rambling.

"But I'm here now, can't you see? I made it, we made it. We defeated him. Fuck Izuku, you defeated him."

With that, Izuku is reduced to a sobbing mess. He sloppily lets his strengthless body fall forward where—just like that evening in the rain—is met with strong arms, ready to hold him when he needs it the most.

⟿

After what seems like hours, but has probably only been a few minutes, Izuku regains his bearings and is able to break free from the embrace and stand up from his bed.

He tells Katsuki he will crash on the sofa in the living room for the rest of the night since his room is half destroyed, while the blonde silently follows him out and, with only a nod of his head, starts marching back up to his room.

Izuku is left alone in the middle of the large living room, sitting on the sofa he normally shares with his classmates. He’s completely exhausted, his body aching all over, but the dread of going back to that nightmare keeps him from falling asleep, so he sits up and walks to the kitchen to prepare himself a cup of tea.

He catches a glimpse of the clock hanging on the wall. It’s almost 5 AM, only a few hours until everyone starts waking up, so he decides to sit down at the windowsill and watch the sun rise instead of trying to fall asleep again.

Nope, there's no way he’s going back there.

⟿

Izuku is stuck “sleeping” on the sofa for a few days while maintenance works on his room.

He feels bad, he should be the one fixing this mess because this was none other but his own fault, but the teachers insist that he should rest and that experiencing PTSD is perfectly normal, especially after everything he's been through.

A few classmates have offered him to crash at their rooms while his is being fixed but, so far, he has respectfully declined all of them.

Truth is, he isn’t getting enough sleep, and he doesn’t want to be more of a bother to his classmates.

To be fair, he isn't sleeping at all.

The only times when he manages to actually fall asleep, he’s brought back to that horrendous scene, back to Katsuki's unmoving form on the floor and Shigaraki's smirk staring back at him.

The last time it happens, he alone manages to jolt himself awake before the nightmare reaches the depths of his unconsciousness, and decides that it's better if he doesn't push his luck.

Who needs sleep anyway?

⟿

Todoroki confronts Izuku on the third day of “sleeping” on the couch. He's been keeping an eye on him and, after a year of getting to know his antics and his self-sacrificing ways, he knows Izuku isn’t telling the truth when he says the sofa is fine and that he's been sleeping okay.

So he practically forces Izuku to sleep in his room.

"Todoroki, I mean it, it's okay. It's only a few more days until my room is completely fixed. I can manage," Izuku elaborates.

The teachers were trying their best to bring a bit of normalcy to the students' lives, so a few weeks after the end of the war, classes began again.

They're in the middle of Heroics class in Ground Beta, and their "discussion" is catching the attention of some of their classmates. One of them being Katsuki, who is now unashamedly directing his trademark side-eye at them for god knows what reasons. Izuku has learned to not even question it at this point.

Todoroki, paying no mind to noisy classmates, analyzes his best friend's face and concludes that Izuku isn’t, in fact, managing, if the darkening eye bags under his eyes are anything to go by.

Shoto Todoroki, contrary to what other people might believe, is quite convincing. And he literally doesn't take "no" for an answer, so next thing he knows, Izuku finds himself tucked inside a warm comforter inside Todoroki's bed while he sets up his iPad to watch something on Netflix.

Izuku knows that he won't be falling asleep anytime soon, though. He isn't even going to try, to be honest. He can't risk it. 

Even though he's grateful to his friend for letting him sleep on his extra futon—as it is clearly way more comfortable than the sofa—that doesn't mean that whatever is fucked in his head is going to be suddenly fixed if he sleeps on another bed.

So, he makes himself comfortable, closes his eyes, wishes Todoroki a good night, and pretends to sleep for the rest of the night.

⟿

When Todoroki wakes up the next morning, Izuku is already in the kitchen grabbing something to eat.

"How did you sleep, Midoriya?" Todoroki asks as he approaches him at the kitchen counter. His face is not particularly known for showing a great range of emotions, but today, Izuku finds his friend's expression especially cryptic.

"Very well! Thank you for letting me sleep in your room, Todoroki!" Izuku answers, ever so kind.

If only it were true.

He feels guilty about lying to his friend, but he's too tired to argue.

"Drop the act, Midoriya, your face speaks for itself. I know you haven't slept a single bit," Todoroki blurts out.

Izuku almost chokes on his own spit. "Huh—no, I mean…"

"Why don't you at least try? I'm worried about you. We all are." Todoroki's soft sleepy features contrast with the stern tone of his voice.

"You can't go on like this, I know you've barely slept for even one hour in the past few days. Don't hide it from me, at least. I want to help you."

"Yeah, no, you're right, Todoroki… The thing is I—I don't really know how I can… try more," Izuku says, defeated.

“We’ll figure something out, just, count on me, okay?” Todoroki responds, and Izuku thinks that it's especially when he isn’t even trying, that his best friend manages to bring out his best smiles.

“Yeah, okay.”

⟿

That evening, after a much-needed bonding session with Todorki and a rewatch of two of his favorite All Might movies, Izuku manages to fall asleep properly for the first time in almost a week.

Todoroki keeps watch at the beginning in case something goes wrong, but ends up falling asleep as well, allowing himself to believe that things are finally looking up for his friend.

Izuku peacefully drifts off to sleep, embracing the soreness in his limbs and easing the heavy cloud that has been hanging over his head these past few days. He's incredibly tired, yet he also feels light and content after a good time spent with his best friend. Todoroki’s calm and soothing voice seems to have gently lulled him into a horrorless sleep.

Several hours pass uneventfully until he unavoidably finds himself back on the battlefield—facing that dreaded sight he's been trying to run away from for the past week. Everything comes crashing down once again, all too fast.

“No, no, no, no, no… Kacchan!”

It’s only in times like this when Todoroki is grateful for being a light sleeper. In a blink of an eye, he wakes up before things spiral out of control, and manages to freeze Izuku’s hands before he activates his quirks.

After that, with only a few calculated moves, he’s out in the hallway and quickly heading towards Katsuki’s room.

If this is like last time, and it sure as hell looks like it is, well, he knows how to fix it.

⟿

Todoroki forcefully kicks Katsuki’s door open without batting an eye. He isn’t really one to worry about his classmate’s outbursts, especially not now, of all times.

Katsuki practically jumps out of his bed at the intrusion, small explosions starting to pop in his hands.

“What the fuck, you bastard?” Katsuki spits at Todoroki with venom, startled.

“It’s Midoriya. He's in my room, come on,” Todoroki replies, standing firm in the doorway and waiting for Katsuki to catch up and join him.

“Oh, so you’ve finally realized that you’re no help, huh? The nerd hasn’t slept for a week! What made you think that you, of all people, would be able to change that?” Katsuki practically barks at him.

Todoroki doesn’t bother pointing out the pettiness and jealousy in that statement and instead urges Katsuki to hurry.

“Whatever, Bakugo, please come on. I don't want my room destroyed.”

When they’re both back in Todoroki’s room, the same thing from last week repeats again, albeit on a smaller scale.

Todoroki’s ice is still immobilizing Izuku's arms, so at least no quirks have been involved this time. The screaming is pretty much the same, though—desperate pleas for help and gut-wrenching sobs of “Kacchan'' echoing through the dorm.

Once again, it’s only when Katsuki calls Izuku’s name that he's able to wake up. When he does, he's met with stern, focused red eyes that forcefully grab him by the shoulder and push him out of his best friend’s room.

“Wait, Kacchan, what are you doing? Where are we going?" Izuku is visibly agitated, his eyes filled with worry and confusion.

“I think it’s pretty obvious the only place where you’ll be able to actually sleep before you sort out all this PTSD shit is my fucking room.”

“What?”

“Shut up.”

⟿

Katsuki sets up his extra futon down next to his own bed and retrieves the comforter he keeps in his closet for extraordinary occasions. What could be more extraordinary than having his childhood friend / boy who he deliberately bullied in middle school / rival sleeping in his room? He’s never been keen on letting others into his room, especially not Izuku, but desperate times call for desperate measures, he guesses.

He tries not to dwell on it too much and focuses on preparing the bedding while Izuku nervously fidgets on the other side of the room.

Since Katsuki's apology, their relationship had noticeably improved. They were on good terms now, even. They sparred together from time to time and even engaged in conversations that started small but ended up turning into interesting debates about quirks or battle strategies.

Besides, Izuku hasn’t been the same ever since the war against Shigaraki and AFO. None of them have, to be honest, but of course, Izuku was the one who took the biggest toll amongst them, and it showed on his character. 

Katsuki could say the same thing about himself, even if he was still a bit adamant in admitting it.

The thing is, the war had really changed both of them, and they still hadn’t really talked to each other about those... changes. Or about anything relevant, for that matter. There were still quite a few things left unsaid.

Katsuki forces himself out of his thoughts and absentmindedly gestures for Izuku to take the futon. The fidgety shadow at the back of the room nods and takes his place inside the comforter.

Izuku is still kind of numb, having barely woken up only ten minutes ago, and notices that he's wearing his pajamas, but that the rest of his things and clothes are still in Todoroki’s room. It all makes him feel kind of naked and vulnerable, but he appreciates Katsuki's gesture nonetheless.

He understands Katsuki’s point, but he’s not really sure it’s going to work.

“Thank you for letting me sleep here, Kacchan. This is… this is embarrassing, sorry,” Izuku muffles from inside his comforter cocoon.

Katsuki says nothing and proceeds to lie in his bed, a few centimeters above Izuku lying on the floor.

At the lack of response from his host, Izuku continues, “I feel like a nuisance. I’m sorry you’ve had to go as far as letting me sleep with you because of this.”

Katsuki turns around to face the wall, intent on going to sleep as fast as possible and turning his back to Izuku.

“It’s whatever, nerd. If you’re going to freak out about me being dead, might as well be around for shutting you the fuck up asap.”

“Yeah… I’m really sorry about that. I don’t know what’s gotten into my brain. I—I just… don’t know how to make it stop.”

“Don’t apologize, idiot. PTSD is not something you have control over,” Kacchan murmurs, almost at the verge of falling asleep already. “Now shut up and let me sleep. It’s fucking late.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Izuku whispers before adding a soft and barely distinguishable “Good night, Kacchan.”

⟿

“How did you like my little present?”

                                                   “Kacchan!”

      “I’m so sorry”

“Lemillion!!!!”

               “I’m sorry I’m late”

  “Kacchan…”

                “How did you like my little present?”

Izuku is there again. He can feel the same dread, he can picture Shigaraki in front of him, smirking. He can see the blur of Kacchan’s unmoving body at the back of his blurred vision.

No, no, no please, not again.

But just as Izuku's floodgates are about to open, he feels something ticklish in his right hand, and the awful images slowly start to fade away.

That soft, grounding touch alone seems to lift the dreadful weight off him. Was that part of the dream or was it something real? Izuku can't discern what’s truly happening, but for an inexplicable reason, his eyelids feel heavier than ever before and, even though his eyes are already closed, he senses them properly closing now, peacefully.

He can sleep now. He doesn’t know why, but he knows he’s safe, and that Kacchan is too. Somehow, the mysterious, grounding, ticklish weight in his right hands tells him so.

So this time, he allows himself to fall asleep.

⟿

Izuku wakes up with Katsuki's hand in his, the blonde's arm having fallen from the side of the bed down to Izuku's futon and into his hand. He stares, half-asleep, at their joined fingers and wonders if he's still dreaming.

Outside, a gust of wind grazes the branches of a tree, causing them to tap against Katsuki’s window. The blonde stirs in his sleep at the noise, and Izuku retrieves his hand from the sleeping boy’s hold, suddenly recalling the events of last night.

It took Katsuki nearly dying for Izuku, and Izuku suffering from severe case of PSTD for Katsuki to finally reach and hold Izuku's hand. Huh, the irony. And he probably wasn't even aware. That’s the first thought that comes to the sleep-deprived Izuku, tired out of his mind but much more well-rested than he's been in the past week.

He then takes a moment to stare at Katsuki’s relaxed sleeping face, noticing that he can’t recall ever seeing his brows so at ease.

Maybe one of the last times was when they were still brats, not more than five years old. Izuku would stay over at Kacchan’s house because they always fell asleep watching reruns of their favorite cartoons. Izuku would always wake up first and spare a few minutes staring at his best friend’s unusual scowl-less face before throwing him a pillow and waking him up.

He can’t do that now, though. So, instead, he gets out of the comforter as quietly as possible, trying not to wake the other up, arranges the bedding as well as he can without making too much noise, and leaves the room.

When he reaches Todoroki’s room door, he hesitates a bit before entering. It’s still early, and his friend will probably be sleeping, but it’s not like he has any other options, with all of his belongings and clothes still inside his room. So he opens the door softly and heads inside. He gets dressed quietly, making sure not to wake Todoroki up, grabs his backpack and his phone, and exits the room.

“Did you sleep?” Izuku almost faceplants the door at the sudden question coming from a supposedly sleeping Todoroki, but he cranes his neck around to face him and grins.

“Yeah, I did,” he gives him a reassuring smile before leaving and closing the door behind him.

Todoroki believes him this time.

⟿

Feeling much more refreshed than he's felt all week, Izuku decides to go for a morning jog before his classmates begin to wake up to get ready for class.

With all this not-being-able-to-sleep thing, he's been moping and slacking off more than he would like to admit, but he was just so exhausted that he didn’t even have time to think about the amount of training he’s been neglecting.

He’s still not at his best—his limbs still feel like they are double their weight, and the constant throbbing in his head is still present, but running for a bit helps him clear his head, and when he comes back, he’s feeling much more at ease.

Getting out of the shower, he realizes that he left this morning and never even thanked Katsuki for the whole thing, so he takes his phone out of his backpack and sends him a text.

7:41 am

you: thank you for letting me sleep with you tonight, kacchan!!

you: i’ve managed to sleep for most of the night and im feeling so much better, so thank you again!

He presses send and briefly considers if he should apologize for not helping him remove the futon, but figures Katsuki would prefer to keep the conversation short, so he leaves it at that.

Izuku knew better than to expect a reply, so he locks his phone before he begins to prepare for class and forgets all about it.

⟿

The day goes by uneventfully.

Aizawa approaches Izuku at the end of the class and informs him that his room should be ready by next Tuesday. They exchange a few more words, and just as Izuku is about to excuse himself, his teacher asks him about his nightmares and his trouble sleeping.

“I can talk to Recovery Girl and we can arrange an appointment at the Psychiatric Clinic where she volunteers,” Aizawa tells him, locking his piercing black eyes onto Izuku with a concerned glare.

“Th—Thank you sensei, but, actually, I think it’s getting better… These days,” Izuku responds, averting his eyes and focusing on a small spot next to his left foot.

“Okay, problem child, I won’t force you,” the teacher remarks, sounding somewhat skeptical. “Your face does look a little bit better today.”

Izuku smiles genuinely at his teacher, hoping to prove his point.

“Whatever. But if it doesn’t get better, we’re going to the clinic,” Aizawa concludes.

“Yeah… Okay, sensei. Thank you!” Izuku says as he exits the classroom.

Once outside, he realizes his friends have probably all left for the dining room without him, so he takes out his mobile phone from his pocket in order to text them, when he sees a notification that catches his attention.

12:01 am

kacchan: it’s whatever nerd  

kacchan: text me when youre coming tonightg

so i can set the futon and shit

kacchan: tonight*

Izuku is downright confused. Why is Katsuki assuming he's going to spend the night there again? Did they agree on something and he doesn’t remember?

12:17 am

you: what? nooo kacchan don’t worry, i can sleep at todoroki’s

kacchan: are you stupid? do you want to repeat that shitshow all over again?

you: no ofc not but i dont want to be a burden to you kacchan

kacchan: stfu already. be here at 9

you: but 9 is way too early to go to sleep! 

you: even if i didnt have any trouble sleeping i wouldn’t be able to fall asleep that early >.<

kacchan: for fuck’s sake nerd  

kacchan: 9:30 then  

kacchan: if you’re even one minute late i’ll end u

you: ok kacchan… see you later

⟿

Izuku knocks on Katsuki’s door at exactly 9:29.

While he waits for the boy to greet him into the room, his mind drifts back to this morning, and he realizes he hadn't spared a single thought to the fact that he'd been woken up with Katsuki's hand in his. It’s almost as if it didn’t happen. Does he remember? Does he even know?

Kacchan opens the door and uninterestedly ushers him inside. It feels a bit awkward. It’s not like conversation comes naturally between them, and Izuku still feels like such a nuisance that he doesn’t know how to behave or what to say.

Thankfully, Kacchan breaks the silence first.

“Did you sleep alright? Last night.”

“Yes, actually! It’s the best sleep I’ve had in a week! Thank you.”

Izuku contemplates whether or not to tell him about his weird dream, about that ticklish reassuring feeling, and about their joined hands, but decides against it.

“Good,” Kacchan responds while finishing setting up the futon on the floor. 

“I’m going to use the bathroom. Touch anything and I’ll kill you,” and with that, Izuku is left alone in Katsuki’s room.

Aside from the brief moments between last night and this morning, Izuku can’t recall ever being inside Katsuki’s room before, so he takes a moment to take in his surroundings.

Everything seems to be neatly organized. There's a small poster of that rock band his father used to like when they were kids, and a piece of paper with the current hero rankings hanging on the wall above his desk. Izuku also notices the Golden Age All Might figurine they both got as Christmas gifts when they would still spend the holidays together, resting on a shelf across the bed.

Izuku smiles at the sight and wonders how much of that young Katsuki remains in the current teenage version of him.

“I don’t think you’ve changed that much, after all,” Izuku says out loud, to no one but Katsuki’s empty room.

“What?” Katsuki replies, opening the door.

“Eep!” Izuku squeaks. “Nothing, nothing! I’m gonna go change!”

⟿

When he comes back from the bathroom, changed into his pajamas, Katsuki is already in bed and scrolling on his phone. His profile is barely lit by the only light in the room resting on his desk.

Izuku makes a noise of acknowledgement as he re-enters and heads for his futon on the floor.

They both remain quiet—Katsuki seemingly focused on something on his phone, and Izuku deep in thought.

“Do you think they're ever going to stop? The nightmares,” Izuku blurts out of the blue.

Katsuki doesn’t look at him. “Yeah, they will,” he says, placing his phone on the desk behind his bed.

“Hm...”

“It's happened to me too, and it does get better.”

“Really? When? How did you do it?”

Katsuki remains silent for a bit, so much that Izuku thinks he's fallen asleep.

“The first time was after Kamino. I kept having constant flashbacks… being abducted by the league, Shigaraki… but most of them were about All Might’s downfall after the fight."

Izuku wonders what expression Katsuki is making right now, but he doesn’t want to risk making any wrong moves and breaking whatever spell is there that's making Katsuki talk so openly, so he settles for a soft “hm” and lets him continue.

“I used to exhaust myself to sleep, working out and training until I couldn’t feel my limbs. It worked, most of the time, but when it didn’t… I would wake up panicking and feeling terrible and unable to fall back asleep.”

“And you never told anyone about this?”

“Why should I? It’s not like anyone could do anything about it.”

“Well, you’re certainly doing something about what’s happening to me now,” Izuku says, with a sass he didn’t know he had in him.

“Whatever. It’s not the same, anyways.”

“Why not?”

Katsuki clenches his teeth and adjusts his position on the bed. “Fuck off, nerd. Just go to sleep.”

“Okay, Kacchan… Good night.”

⟿

Izuku is tossing and turning in his bed, feeling as if his lungs are being sucked off of all air. His head and hands ache, and a chill runs through his body, causing shivers from head to toe. He can't hear anything but his beating heart rumbling soundly in his temple.

“Izuku!” That, he hears. He'd recognize that voice anywhere.

“Izuku! Listen to me, come on!” 

Izuku does as he’s told and follows that thread of voice until, suddenly, he’s brought back to the real world.

When Izuku opens his eyes, he finds himself sitting on the futon, his breathing is rushed and there's not enough air in the room for him and he is suffocating and where is Kacchan? Is he alive? And where is Shigaraki, because he was fighting and now he’s in a futon and—

“Fuck, Izuku, chill! You’re okay now, breathe.”

Apparently, Katsuki’s deep voice does wonders to his breathing capacity, and Izuku feels the tension ease as if he can finally breathe again.

“Like that, yeah.”

Izuku realizes that his hand is currently nestled between Katsuki’s chest and his hand. He doesn’t recall ever placing it there, so he assumes it must have been the other boy’s doing, and doesn’t question it. This way, he can feel Katsuki’s heartbeat, so he closes his eyes and allows himself to relax.

It’s going to be okay. Kacchan is alive. Whatever you were dreaming is not real. Izuku repeats inside his head like a mantra.

Once the realization sinks in and the adrenaline subsides, Izuku’s defenses crumble, and he begins to sob uncontrollably.

“I’m sorry Kacchan… I—I… It's not like I want to do any of this but I can't control it, one moment I’m sleeping and next I’m there and everybody’s dead, you’re dead and I can’t do anything and oh my god when will it ever stop? I can’t do it anymore.”

He clutches the front of Katsuki's t-shirt, where his hand was resting before, and his body slowly sinks until his forehead rests on Katsuki's shoulder.

“Shhh, it’s okay, Zuku. Don’t apologize. I get it.” 

Izuku can’t help the new wave of tears the moment he hears the old nickname. He starts whimpering and uses his other hand to clutch tightly at the fabric on the back of Katsuki’s t-shirt.

A few minutes pass, and Katsuki stops drawing reassuring circles on Izuku’s back.

Izuku thinks that whatever twilight-zone situation is happening right now is coming to an end when, almost unintelligibly, Katsuki suggests that Izuku sleeps with him in his bed.

Okay. There was something definitely and fundamentally wrong. He might still be dreaming. That, or the PTSD was beginning to affect not only his brain but also his ears. There's literally no way Katsuki would suggest something like that.

“Wh—What?”

“From what I’ve seen, you’re the calmest when you touch me or when you’re near me.”

Izuku blushes at the affirmation, suddenly feeling exposed. He doesn’t know to what exactly, though. He feels embarrassed, for some reason.

Katsuki continues. "As if… having something that reassures you that I'm alive prevents you from dreaming about whatever it is you dream when you're having these… things.”

“Makes sense, yeah… We—we can try that,” Izuku concludes but makes no move to actually do it, as Katsuki swiftly gets back inside his own bed.

“So get the fuck up here, then, nerd,” Kacchan lifts his comforter and slides over to the other side of the bed, making room for Izuku to join.

Izuku holds his breath as he climbs in next to him and settles down on the bed. The room is almost pitch dark, with only the faint light of the starry night sky entering through the window.

Izuku doesn’t know why his heart is suddenly beating so fast, and he tries to calm it while lying on his back. He takes a few deep breaths in order to compose himself when, suddenly, Katsuki breaks the silence.

“The second time it happened was when you were gone, two months ago,” he says, staring at the ceiling.

Izuku is not sure he’s following. He doesn’t know what Katsuki is talking about.

“Nobody knew where you were, or why you were doing what you were doing,” he continues.

“I felt like I needed to do—something… There were lots of things I still needed to tell you, but I couldn’t do shit.”

Izuku is speechless.

“Almost every day I would wake up in the middle of the night, having these dreams about you dying somewhere. About you breaking all your damn bones, again, pulling some self-sacrificing stunt.”

“Kacchan…”

Katsuki is talking to the wall, his back still facing Izuku. The bed is not small, but it’s not big enough to fit two bulky teenagers and still have space to spare. Izuku’s hip is practically pressed against Katsuki’s back, but despite being so, so close to each other, Izuku feels as if Katsuk is still too far away.

“Dreams about me looking everywhere for you but never finding you.”

Izuku feels like crying all over again, a sudden warmth washing over him along with a strong desire to get closer, closer, closer. He fights the urge to turn to him and clenches his fists instead.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Izuku asks, pained.

“Why would I tell you shit? It was my problem, and I dealt with it. You had too much on your plate already, anyway.”

Katsuki’s words resonate inside Izuku’s brain.

Katsuki had been worried about him. So much that he was even struggling with sleep, just like he is now.

An incredible sense of guilt washes over him at the thought, because it doesn’t matter what he does, he always ends up worrying or disappointing the people he loves.

And to top it off, Katsuki dealt with whatever he had going on without needing him, without his help. And now here he was, being a burden to everybody. Being a burden to Katsuki.

But Izuku had no trouble admitting he was weak. In the end, he got to where he is now because he accepted the help of many people—people who believed in him and who helped him throughout this path.

With a new sense of boldness, Izuku collects his thoughts and shuffles a little with the sheets.

“Can I hug you?” He asks, more to the empty room than to Katsuki, afraid of what his answer might be.

“I think I'll be able to sleep better if I do,” he adds.

A long moment passes and Izuku cringes, hoping that Katsuki is asleep so he can pretend he didn’t say anything at all.

“Okay,” Katsuki says softly, lifting his right arm for Izuku to hug him from behind. “But if you tell someone, you’re dead meat.”

Izuku shuffles and wraps his arm around Katsuki’s torso, making sure to position himself as close as possible to be able to feel his heartbeat. High on this newfound boldness, he also lets his head rest right in the middle of Katsuki’s shoulder blades and takes in the familiar sweet scent of his t-shirt, letting it ground him.

“Don’t do that again,” Katsuki says.

“Wha—Sorry, Kacchan, I didn’t mean to…” Izuku begins to retract both his face and arms, but Katsuki holds onto them instead.

“No, I meant… Don’t leave again. Don’t disappear from my sight like that again.”

If it weren't Katsuki speaking, this would've sounded like a plea. But coming from him, Izuku interprets it as more of a threat.

Izuku's smile is hidden behind Katsuki’s back, camouflaged by his shirt and the sheets, and his intoxicating, comforting smell. His heart feels full, and he doesn’t understand why, but he suddenly feels like if he were to fight the strongest villain to ever exist right now, he would definitely win.

“I won’t. I promise.”

And with the grounding weight of Katsuki in his arms and the steady thump of his heartbeat, sleep comes easily that night.

⟿

They keep this arrangement up for the next days until Izuku's room is completely fixed. Aizawa told him he'd be able to go back to his own room by Tuesday, which means he still has five more nights with Katsuki.

So, every night, Izuku knocks on his door a few minutes before 9:30 PM—the extra futon long forgotten in a corner of the room—he changes into his pajamas, and silently crawls inside Katsuki's bed.

Most days, they simply sleep side by side—Katsuki's body heat providing enough comfort for Izuku to sleep through the night.

Other nights, though, when Izuku is a bit on edge or too anxious, Katsuki silently lifts his arm, inviting Izuku to scoop closer and hug him from behind.

They never talk about it, even if they wake up entangled in each other’s limbs, with rosy cheeks and ruffled bed hair.

They never talk about it, but Izuku figures it’s better that way. He wouldn’t know what to say, anyway.

⟿

Izuku feels fine, sort of. He's well-rested and almost on top of his game, like he used to be before the war.

Things seem to be settling down with his sleeping problem, and a sense of normalcy has returned to the school, though one can never be certain at UA.

What Izuku didn't expect was for his interactions with Katsuki to become more touchy-feely without even realizing. They don't engage in much conversation outside of Heroics class or sparring sessions, yet they find themselves gravitating towards each other more often than not—lingering touches when they're in the same room, or stolen glances whenever their paths cross in the hallways.

Izuku catches himself looking for Katsuki every time he loses sight of him, his eyes instinctively scanning the room until they land on familiar ash-colored hair and piercing red eyes.

He notices that Katsuki also seems to keep his gaze focused on him when they are in the same room, and that alone makes him feel at ease.

He is not dumb, he recognizes that there has been a shift in their behavior, he just doesn't know the exact nature of that shift or what it means for their long-strained relationship. He isn’t entirely sure he wants to find out.

Lost in thought during history class, with Cementoss' voice fading into the background, Izuku wonders if hugging your childhood friend-turned-rival in your sleep to prevent panic attacks is something regular friends do.

⟿

Uraraka and Todoroki talk to him about it during lunch on Sunday.

"Deku-kun! How are you feeling? You never told us how it's been sleeping in Bakugo's room, but I assume it's been going well, right? You look much better!" Uraraka asks, slurping her noodles.

Izuku is caught off guard by the sudden question. “Y-Yeah! I’m great, it’s been… good, I guess.” He might even be blushing a bit.

He doesn’t know why he feels flustered all of a sudden. He contemplates correcting Uraraka and telling them that he's not just sleeping in Kacchan's room but actually in his bed, but ultimately decides against it.

“Bakugo seemed awfully protective that day," Todoroki states bluntly.

"Hm?"

"The first day, when I had to go and bring him to my room to help me with you,” Todoroki adds coldly, never one to beat around the bush.

“Protective?” Izuku blurts back.

“I don't know, he didn’t look pleased about you sleeping in my room, and wasted no time in taking you to his, is all,” Todoroki explains.

“Oh… did he?”

“That’s all you’re going to say?” Todoroki asks, a hint of a grin hiding on his lips.

“I.. I just don’t know what you want me to say! I am fine. I know this whole situation is strange, but I’m doing okay now, so… I don’t know?” Izuku plays with the hem of his uniform under the table.

“So you’re saying that when you get your room back and you have to sleep on your own again, you're going to be fine?” Todoroki presses further.

Izuku has been thinking about this too, and he isn't sure their friends will like his answer.

At the lack of response, Todoroki keeps going. “I‘m just looking out for you, Midoriya. If sleeping in Bakugou’s room works for you, for whatever reason, then fine. But I believe ignoring the root of the problem is not healthy.”

“He’s right, Deku-kun. I think you and Bakugo-kun are becoming too... dependent on each other,” Uraraka says with a sympathetic smile.

“What I’m saying is… It’s not just you, I notice the way he looks at you… He looks like he's worrying about you, like, all the time,” she adds.

"Yeah, and we mean no harm with this, Midoriya, but I think you might be becoming a bit too overprotective towards each other... Not that you weren't before, in your own weird way, but I think it's gotten worse after all that's happened, and it could be dangerous in battle, you know?" Todoroki adds before slurping the last remaining noodle of his cold soba.

Izuku knows they’re right. He's been thinking about Aizawa’s words about arranging an appointment at the clinic for the past few days, but deep inside, as stupid and selfish as it may sound, he doesn’t want to stop sleeping with Kacchan. Hell, he isn’t even looking forward to having his room back.

So yeah, his friends are totally right. Izuku knows, deep down, that what he's been feeling towards Katsuki these past few weeks is something more than normal camaraderie, but he's too scared to think about it properly.

Feeling as confused as ever, Izuku leaves the dining room. Whatever feelings he’s harboring for Katsuki, he doesn’t want them to be a burden for the other. He needs to put an end to this, once and for all. He can’t keep worrying their friends like this.

So, he stops by the teacher’s office on his way to his next class and asks Aizawa to arrange an appointment at the clinic.

He doesn’t want to be a burden to Katsuki forever. He won’t forgive himself otherwise. The boy has already given him so much, and so far, Izuku has done nothing but take, take and take.

It’s about time he sorts his shit together. 

⟿

It’s Tuesday morning already.

Izuku is normally the first one to wake up and disentangle himself from the jumble of limbs. Today, however, he takes his time. It’s going to be the last morning he shares with Katsuki, so he decides, selfishly, that a few more minutes basking in his warmth won’t hurt anybody.

The soft daylight seeping through the window gently illuminates Katsuki's relaxed features beside him, and a strong feeling of fondness washes over Izuku. The weight by his side, as comforting as it feels, serves as a reminder that he's successfully made it through another night, but also as a bittersweet realization that he won't be able to wake up to this sight anymore.

So when he notices a shift in Katsuki's snores, Izuku reluctantly takes it as his cue to free himself from his hold and start getting out of bed.

Katsuki opens his eyes and observes Izuku changing into his clothes, his trademark scowl slowly forming on his face. Izuku can't help but think he looks like an angry kitten and silently reminds himself to never mention that comparison out loud.

“Morning, Kacchan,” Izuku greets him.

“Morning, nerd,” Katsuki responds as he gets up from the bed.

Then, as Izuku begins to organize the books inside his backpack, he tells Katsuki about the appointment at the clinic and casually mentions that he'll be sleeping in his own room starting today, since the maintenance team has finished working on it already.

This should be good news for Katsuki, right? He should be happy about not having to share his bed with him anymore. As much as it hurts Izuku, for some reason that he can’t quite pinpoint, he has convinced himself that this is definitely for the best.

"You think you're going to be okay on your own?" Kacchan asks, his tone a little too harsh for Izuku's comfort, while grabbing his change of clothes from the closet. It all looks awfully domestic.

"Yeah, I think so. It's about time you get your privacy back, anyway, so… Yeah." Izuku offers his best attempt at a smile, but it seems to fall short judging by Katsuki's response.

"Whatever, okay then," the blonde says before leaving his room and slamming the door behind him.

Izuku tries to read his expression but makes nothing of it. He's doing the right thing, he knows Katsuki is glad to get his old routine back, so why is he reacting this way?

When Katsuki comes back from the bathroom, Izuku feels the need to explain himself further.

“You know, Todoroki mentioned that we—”

“What does that fucking half-and-half bastard have to do with any of this? Did he talk you out of it? Are you going back to his room?”

“What? No, It’s just that he told m—”

“I don’t care, Deku. Just, fuck off, okay? If you won’t be sleeping here again just take your damn things and piss off.” Katsuki's defensive tone confuses Izuku even more.

“Okay, Kacchan… I’ll see you in class, I guess. Thanks for everything.”

“It’s whatever.”

⟿

Later that day, Aizawa confirms that Izuku's room is ready, and that he can start moving his belongings back whenever he wants. It’s been almost two weeks since the first nightmare incident, and the prospect of going back there and sleeping alone feels unsettling. The morning "argument" with Katsuki only adds to his rising anxiety.

It’s 9 PM and Izuku is nervous. It’s going to be the first time he’ll be sleeping alone in his room, and he’s not entirely sure about the outcome, but he knows he's on the right path.

He’s been doing better, lately, he can do it. His first therapy session is tomorrow.

He tries to convince himself that this is for the best, not only for him but also for Katsuki.

⟿

The first night alone turns out to be completely shit.

He doesn’t manage to get even an hour of sleep, too anxious and scared to close his eyes for even five minutes. Every time he feels like he's finally getting drowsy, Shigaraki’s face appears at the back of his eyelids.

No, no, no, no. Fuck! He was supposed to be getting better.

So, against the prospect of going back to his all-too-familiar nightmare, he spends the whole night staring at the ceiling.

It will get better eventually, he just has to be patient.

⟿

It’s been four days since Izuku got his room back and stopped sleeping with Katsuki. Four days since the blonde hasn’t even spared him a glance.

Izuku doesn’t lock eyes with Katsuki whenever he enters a room anymore, doesn’t feel his gaze on the back of his head during sparring sessions at the training grounds, and he certainly doesn’t feel his soft and warm touch under his arms when he falls asleep.

And Izuku convinces himself that this is for the best. This means he's no longer a burden to Katsuki, and that he's a step closer to healing and going back to the way he was before all of this—before the nightmares and the war, before these confusing feelings he still doesn’t fully comprehend.

The therapy sessions are going okay, so far. He’s had only two, but Nakamura-sensei seems like a wonderful, caring woman that listens to him intently, even though her feedback leaves him in deep thought during hours after he leaves her office.

Truth is, he feels kind of miserable.

The first two days were awful, unable to sleep a wink. On the third day, to Izuku's surprise, he manages to fend off the nightmares for a few hours. He practices the breathing techniques and the meditation that Nakamura-sensei taught him on the first day, and he manages to get a few hours of sleep, even if intermittently. It’s not the same as the comfort of Katsuki's bed, but he has to make do.

But Izuku knows he's not miserable because of his lack of sleep. He's miserable because even if things are beginning to fall back into place, he feels as if something is missing.

Whatever they managed to build with Katsuki during those weeks—that small oasis of comfort—was gone now, and Izuku was fighting so hard against the feeling of desperately wanting it back.

⟿

It has officially been a week since Izuku returned to the loneliness of his room. He is better now, or at least he tries to convince himself that he is. His sleep pattern is somehow back to almost normal and the nightmares have become easier to fight with every passing day. His mood, on the other hand, remains completely dampened.

The thing is that, lately, he's been having other nightmares. With these ones, he doesn’t wake up drenched in sweat or having panic attacks in the middle of the night, but they leave him with a lump in his throat and a heavy ache in his chest.

In these other dreams, Katsuki is alive, but he's far, far away.

The Katsuki in his dreams isn’t much different from the real one these days, considering their limited interactions. In the dreams, Katsuki always looks past him, as if he were invisible. Izuku tries calling out to him, but he doesn't seem to hear him. It's as if he doesn't exist, as if they were once again worlds apart.

“What’s going on with you and Bakugo?” Todoroki asks him one morning before class.

“Hm? What do you mean?” Izuku responds, meaning to say “I miss sleeping with him and being close to him, but he no longer speaks to me and I don’t understand why.”

⟿

That night, Izuku experiences his worst nightmare so far.

It starts with memories from his past flashing behind his closed eyelids—every time he's longed for Katsuki’s touch throughout the years, every time he's wanted to hold his hand but has been denied to. From that time in the river to their confrontation at ground beta, Katsuki has always been at an arm’s length, but Izuku has never been able to reach him.

Suddenly, the memories fade, replaced by a new scene. This time, Katsuki is not fighting Shigaraki, but rather being gripped by a large, dark, indistinct figure, suspended in the air with a hand wrapped around his throat. He can’t breathe and he’s struggling, trying to get out from the suffocating hold.

And Izuku is there, helplessly watching the scene unfold right before his eyes. He has to do something, he can’t let Katsuki die. Taking a step forward, he tries to push the dark figure away, only to pass right through it. He can’t reach them, can’t intervene. Consumed by despair, he screams at Katsuki, but his pleas go unheard. Katsuki can't hear him, and in an instant, everything crumbles.

Izuku is back at UA, at the dorms, and everybody is there except Katsuki. He tries looking for him, frantically searching every corner, but he’s nowhere to be seen. No one else seems to notice that he’s missing either, as if Katsuki never existed in the first place. The pain in Izuku's chest becomes unbearable.

Tears stream down Izuku's face as he wakes up to the realization that he can’t exist in a world without Katsuki hitting him like a bucket of cold water. Having Katsuki in his life was so deeply ingrained in his being that the mere thought of being apart from him made him physically ill.

He needs to have Katsuki near, he can’t stand even another second without being close to him.

After spending so many years at an arm’s length, just when they became closer than ever, he pushed Katsuki away.

“It has always been him, hasn’t it?” Izuku asks himself through his tears.

And it's true. Izuku was never one to dwell much on these kinds of things, he never really thought about relationships or love, or anything of the sorts. The thing is that, with Katsuki, he didn't have to. There was no need for analysis or questioning—loving Katsuki came so naturally to him that he almost took it for granted, but it had always been there.

1:08 am

you: kacchan

(typing…)

Izuku types and erases, then tries again, but ends up erasing everything.

The three little dots keep dancing on the screen.

(typing…)

1:11

kacchan: i'll be there in 5

⟿

When Katsuki reaches Izuku’s room, he opens the door quietly, and without sparing a glance at his surroundings, walks all the way to Izuku's bed.

Izuku is sniffling, biting back his tears and unsure of what to do or say. He stays completely still, sitting on the left side of his bed.

Katsuki wastes no time. He lifts the comforter and scoots Izuku over with his hips. Izuku lets him, wondering how it is that Katsuki always seems to know what Izuku needs even before he knows himself.

And this time, it’s Katsuki who holds him.

Embracing Izuku with his big, comforting arm, he guides him back to the mattress and nuzzles the back of his neck with a tenderness Izuku didn't know he was even capable of.

This is completely new—a whole new shift in their relationship. Izuku gulps at the realization.

Izuku had hugged Katsuki on most nights, but he never questioned why he did it or even if the other liked it. He simply figured it was Katsuki's way of atoning.

This time, Katsuki doesn’t ask him anything. Not yet, at least. He just slips his arm under Izuku’s and holds him tight. He slowly caresses the side of Izuku's torso and nuzzles the soft curls at his nape, hiding his face in the crook of his neck and breathing slowly.

And Izuku lets him, of course he does.

He also pushes back a bit and adjusts his neck for Katsuki to rest his chin more comfortably on his shoulder. He’s completely flushed against him, his heart beating steadily and a little too fast against Izuku’s back.

Izuku’s own heart is beating fast, too, and if Katsuki notices it—which he sure can—given that his hand is practically sprawled all over his chest, he doesn’t comment on it.

“What happened? I thought your nightmares were already gone,” Katsuki asks, practically whispering.

“Yeah, they are…Gone, I mean. More or less. I—I'm fine now. Well, I’m better.”

Katsuki makes a sound of acknowledgement and moves as if to retract his hold on the other boy a little bit.

“I've been having other…dreams,” Izuku says while holding onto Katsuki more tightly, preventing him from moving away.

They are still pressed against each other, Izuku’s back firmly against Katsuki’s front, but it’s not near enough for Izuku. He wants to touch him, he needs to feel him closer. So he turns around and faces him, his noses a millimeter away.

The silence in the dimly lit room suddenly becomes very heavy.

“In these other dreams I’ve been having… y—you won’t ever look at me,” Izuku is thankful for the darkness in the room because his face must be the shade of a tomato.

“It’s like you’re there, wherever I go, and I see you very clearly, but you can’t see me. It’s like I don’t exist for you anymore.”

“I guess I feel like… during those days when I slept with—next to you… I don't know, we became closer than we have ever been. And I miss it, Kacchan… I guess I just—I miss you. It feels wrong not to be close… to you.”

At the lack of response, Izuku can’t help but panic and enter mumble mode.

“I’m sorry if I’m being weird, I just… I just couldn’t stop thinking about yo—about how close you were before… and how far apart we are now, and then I couldn’t sleep and I felt like I would never be able to at all if you weren’t with me and I panicked and I texted you without even thinking about what I was going to tell you because I don't even know what I’m saying and I’m not making any sense and—“

Tears start welling up in his eyes, and Katsuki must notice because next thing, he’s cupping his cheeks and wiping them away with his knuckles.

Katsuki doesn't say anything but instead raises his other hand to cup the back of Izuku’s head to bring it to his chest. Izuku inevitably stops the panicked mumbling, bewildered at the gentleness of the normally explosive boy, and wonders what must be going on inside his head.

He lets Katsuki hold him tightly and embraces him back, making himself comfortable against his chest and wrapping his arms around his back, holding him and touching wherever he can, making up for the lost time.

They stay like that for a while, and after what feels like forever, Katsuki shifts back and levels their faces. Izuku's heart threatens to burst out of his chest.

Letting their noses touch, Katsuki’s gaze travels down to Izuku's lips and contemplates for a bit, his eyes completely lost in something Izuku can't quite decipher.

And it turns out that, inevitably, whenever it comes to Katsuki, Izuku's body can't help but move on its own. Completely in sync, as if following an invisible thread, they cross that minuscule distance and meet in the middle for a kiss.

Katsuki’s lips are soft against his, and they feel so, so right Izuku can’t help but feel stupid for not having realized this sooner. They should've started doing this a long time ago.

He melts as Katsuki’s hands travel from his side up to his neck, gently tilting his head slightly to deepen the kiss and find the right angle. Small breaths escape Izuku’s nose when their lips slide together, and Katsuki tastes like cinnamon and Izuku can’t believe he’s actually kissing him. His fingers find their way into ruffled blonde hair, caressing the soft tufts.

When they pull back, Katsuki places a tender peck on Izuku’s lips, as if to prove that he always has to have the final say. Izuku doesn’t mind, as this is what they've always been about—challenging each other, keeping each other on their toes. He doesn’t mind challenging Katsuki for kisses, not even one bit.

Izuku takes in the sight—their faces just about inches part, Katsuki's flushed face, his gaze filled with bliss, looking at Izuku as if he'd hung the moon. He looks breathtaking, and in that moment, Izuku realizes that he's completely gone. He’s so far gone for this explosive, complicated and caring boy who he has admired for as long as he can remember.

He's probably always been. To him, Kacchan has always been sugoi.

"Do you… do you think this is weird, Kacchan?" Izuku breaks the spell they were under, clearing his throat awkwardly.

Katsuki laughs, flashing one of his attractive, handsome smirks. "Damn right it is, nerd."

Izuku blushes, suddenly weak to Katsuki’s display and feeling a bit taken aback at his response.

"But weird is normally bad… right? It—it doesn't feel bad to me." 

"Fuck, Izuku, our relationship has been nothing but weird since practically forever… and I'm mostly to blame, if not entirely.”

"So… you don't want this?" Izuku makes a move as if to retreat.

"No, no, fuck. I want this so much De-Izuku… I've wanted this for a long time. For fuck's sake, I’ve literally died for you, twice."

Izuku’s chest clenches at that, and Katsuki nuzzles his cheek against his. Izuku is grateful for the action, as he was starting to feel a bit anxious.

"It's just… We can go at our own pace, right? It doesn't matter if it's weird for the rest of the world as long as it's good for us."

Izuku smiles because he is right, Katsuki is always right. He's looking at him with the most radiant expression.

"The question is, do you want it? Are you sure you want… me? After everything I've put you through?" Katsuki asks tentatively.

"Yes! Of course I want this. I want you, Kacchan," Izuku answers, perhaps a bit too eagerly, and directs him a sheepish look before continuing.

"I… I forgave you a long time ago. You know that."

He looks Katsuki straight in the eyes, wanting to get his point across.

"Even if I wasn't fully aware of what that meant before, I knew it had to be you. I always did.”

Katsuki is looking at him with the sweetest expression Izuku has ever seen on him. Is he still dreaming?

"It has only ever been you for me too, nerd."

A stray tear escapes the corner of Izuku's eyes at the admission, and Katsuki makes sure to catch it with his gentle fingers.

"We'll figure it out," he concludes before placing the softest kiss to Izuku's lips and resting his forehead against his, smiling tenderly.

Izuku is mesmerized by how effortlessly Katsuki seems to do these things, like it's natural—as if he's been kissing Izuku his whole life.

He tries to gather his thoughts and smiles to himself before responding.

"Yeah, we will, we always do."

And then, a kiss to his temple signals the most peaceful sleep Izuku has probably had in months, if not years.

"Sweet dreams, Zuku."

And to Izuku, sleep has never come as easily as it does at that moment.