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stifled underneath a mahogany table, hokma (or benjamin rather) waits for his execution
there was a time where he’d frantically rush to speak during these last moments, keeping his voice hushed in a vain attempt to go unnoticed. the days where he thought he had a chance to save his mentor with wax wings that he knew could never truly fly. benjamin knew that once ayin had a plan, he’d follow through with it no matter what. but he clung to false hope anyway
another thing he used to do was count each reset. eventually the number grew too big for a human to remember. its not like it mattered though, because angela knew. it didn’t matter. he sits with his knees pressed against him, his face feeling an unfamiliar weight on one side. he knew he had three minutes
sometimes he’d cry during the first thousand loops. it all made him sick. he knew it was pitiful but the knowledge that he was going to die burdened him in a way that was indescribable. to be damned to hell by the mentor he tried so desperately to please. it hurt, it hurt, it hurt. it was the nicest way he could’ve gone and yet the pain made him feel flightless
he’d experienced it too many times to count. the shockwave of time marching forward yet staying still, that brief moment stretching on for millions of years. sometimes he saw that ocean, his mentor suppressing a smile, the sun shining down on them. other times he watched as the sky ran red with blood and the man he loved turning his back on him. there were even times where he saw moments and memories that never happened. his brain would always race to parse through it all and it always lost, that tiny sliver becoming an eternity that’d overwhelm him
he knew the name of it - the timetrack protocol. the same one he uses to command the facility, to bury and reanimate the employees, to condemn himself. he couldn’t help but laugh when he realised the iron hands that he was forced to use to dictate time were made from the iron bars that chained him to this place
she was going to be here soon
angela, the dear ai his mentor never respected. benjamin treated her with all the kindness he could but he couldn’t make her stray from her purpose, and soon she’ll be here to fulfill it. how cruel it was to make the model of carmen be the orchestrator for all this suffering. at the time he was just happy his mentor was working on something, that he stopped having that dead look in his eyes. but he realises now that it never truly went away, and after angela was created he only dimmed into nothingness
the first time angela found him, he was terrified. despite not going through that scene over and over yet, he knew he was going to die. he couldn’t stop shaking and what she said made it worse. she said she was sorry. she said she has to do what her creator ordered. she said he’d be with the people he missed dearly forever
he’s been through so much. he was the last one by his side, the only one to console him, having to commit horrid deeds just so they could survive… and now his mentor, who he so desperately wanted to protect, ordered for him to die. he knew he wasn’t doing this out of malice. he couldn’t be, right? but by the wings did it hurt, to realise he was trying to save the man who needed him dead
however it was all futile. none of it mattered because he’s here now and soon he’ll be in a heaven full of plaster. he’ll meet a man wearing the skin and flesh of the one he loved, if he even makes it that far this time. its not him, he reminds himself, but he cannot help but speak to him like it is. like he remembers the hell they suffered through together. the man he wanted to save was gone, but he gave hokma a wonderful gift he’ll cherish forever
hokma’s only regret was that he ran away. this pain was the punishment he deserved for attempting to play god, for daring to stand against his mentor’s will. he could’ve ran further away to where he’d never see him again but he did not. and isn’t that wonderful? he’s glad that he’s here. he’s glad to spend the rest of his unending days in this eternal moment
when angela comes in, she does not bother to recite his words. she walks forward with haste and he leans in as she kills him once again