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"I think we should get a divorce"
Airi snapped her head around to look at her husband. Tsukasa was sitting at the end of their bed, hands clasped together tightly as his gaze lingered on the floor, waiting for Airi's reply.
"We should... what?"
Tsukasa looked up at her, slight apprehension visible on his face, "A divorce. I think... if you're ready, this would be the best for both of us."
Silence filled the room, the weight of Tsukasa's words weighing down on both of them. Airi quietly joined Tsukasa on the bed, sitting next to him.
"Tsukasa, why... why now?"
Airi knew that her and Tsukasa’s marriage wasn’t a normal one. They had gotten engaged after dating for less than a year, the fear of growing old alone having grasped both of them at the same time, pulling the two together. It was less of a romantic gesture, but more of a commitment to a life that they both were afraid that they would miss out on otherwise. They absolutely cared for and loved each other, but even after all these years together, neither of them could say that they were in love.
"I've had a realization recently." Tsukasa replied, "I'm remembering old feelings I used to have, and how it felt to have those feelings. I know it's probably silly, I'm 36 and I'm wanting to feel like a teenager again. But..."
He sighed and grabbed hold of Airi's hand, squeezing it tightly, "We both deserve better than this Airi. I want a proper relationship. I want to be in love again. And I want you to be happy too. I don't want to keep dragging you down."
Airi sat in silence as she took in his words. She squeezed Tsukasa's hand back, staring down at her white knuckles and trying to fight back the tears that were trying to surface.
"Tsukasa... you never dragged me down. I… maybe I've been the one holding onto you for too long.”
She looked up at Tsukasa, staring into his amber eyes. He definitely looked older, more worn out, from when she first knew him in high school. He had grown his hair out since then, and she could see wrinkles were beginning to form by the corners of his eyes, much like her own.
She couldn’t see the spark of light that Tsukasa used to carry with him anymore. No longer as full of pride as he once was, that spark had been dull for years now, much like her own.
Airi and Tsukasa only really knew each other in passing when they were younger, as they went to different schools, but even with their brief interactions the bold and sparkling boy had always managed to leave an impression on her. She remembered when they started talking again after high school, when they had both gotten cast in some shitty drama series that got canned after 10 episodes.
Tsukasa was a complete mess back then, his drinking problem was at its worst, and he was barely managing to find any decent work, greatly impacting his self-worth. Airi felt like she was in a similar spot to him, at 28 she knew that More More Jump was nearing the end, she just didn't want to admit it. All she ever wanted to do was be an idol, and while her group members seemed to have themselves figured out, she never had a plan on what would happen after the industry decided that she was too old to be singing and dancing on stage anymore.
Sometime near the end of filming for the show, she invited Tsukasa over to her place to catch up over drinks. She initially just wanted to hear what had been up to, but quickly realized that unlike the prideful and loud Tsukasa she remembered, the one in front of her couldn’t find anything good to say about himself. They ended up changing the conversation to how they were both fed up with their show’s production staff, bonding over their shared frustrations, and Airi couldn’t remember how many drinks they were in before she took him to her bedroom and had a one night stand.
Or it would have been, if Airi hadn't called him again, just wanting to talk to the one person who seemed as lost as she was.
Their friends with benefits arrangement soon escalated into something with the appearance of a relationship. Being with Tsukasa was nice, she felt like he understood her, and it was nice to not be alone. And while she could say that Tsukasa was great to talk to, and physically attractive, Airi knew that their struggles and the sex was really the only thing keeping them together. She was sure Tsukasa knew that too.
When her friend Shizuku announced that she had gotten engaged, that was when it hit Airi, and she realized that was what she wanted too. And like her idol career, she was running out of time. So she and Tsukasa decided to bite the bullet, legally commit to each other, and start a family together.
"Okay.” Answered Airi, back in the present. “Okay sure, you're right. I want us to be happy too. Let's get divorced." She smiled, wiping away the tears she had tried to fight back.
Tsukasa tightly wrapped his arms around her in a hug, sighing a 'thank you' into her ear. They stayed like that for a couple of moments before he fell back onto the bed, pulling Airi with him.
“Hey, it’s going to get better from here, isn't it?”
“Yeah, I think it is.”
"It's gonna be weird not calling you my wife anymore. But I think it will be a good change."
"Yeah, I think so too."
Tsukasa let go of Airi and they laid next to each other in comfortable silence, adjusting to the new reality in which they would no longer be husband and wife.
"I think it's my fault we ended up like this in the first place." Airi started, staring at the ceiling, "I knew we didn't have anything… real here, but I didn't want to let you go. I was scared of what would happen to me. I'm sorry for being selfish and taking these years away from you."
Tsukasa rolled over to face the woman next to him. "No, it wasn't just you! I was being selfish too… and hey! She only exists because of our selfishness. I wouldn't trade that for anything!"
Airi laughed out a sob, "You're right! You're absolutely right! I wouldn't either!"
Tsukasa's own tears finally started to escape as well, he pulled Airi into a tight embrace, forcing his words through sobs.
"I love you, and our daughter, and our family! Th-thank you for giving me that Airi!”
About an hour later, after the two had gotten out all of their feelings and all of their tears, Airi and Tsukasa were lying in their bed, ready to sleep after the emotional evening. Neither of them saw any point in sleeping separately now, they had always felt separated even when sharing a bed anyways.
"So, how do we tell Yumeko?"
Tsukasa hummed in response, thinking.
"Maybe we should wait a little before we do. We only just decided this tonight and she's only 6 years old, she might not understand what’s going on if I keep on living with you two. Maybe we should wait until we have the paperwork sorted and I've locked in somewhere else to stay."
"Hang on," replied Airi, "You're leaving Yumeko with me? You don't want to even fight to have your daughter live with you?"
Tsukasa shook his head, "No, she'd be better with you. I have a lot I need to work on, you know that I still drink too much. I can’t look after her alone while I'm still like this."
He started fidgeting with his fingers, "I think I want to stop drinking for good. I've been… looking into AA… and different rehabs. I've been better since I tried managing it myself after Yumeko was born, but… you were right. Having help will probably make it easier. I want to be a good dad for her."
Airi beamed at Tsukasa, pride bubbling up in her chest. "That's fantastic Tsukasa! I'm so proud of you."
She then smirked at him, "So you say that I was right, huh?"
"I know"
"I mean I must of suggested it about-"
"Yes you did"
"And it only took you-"
"Uh-huh"
"But, hey you did it! It only took a divorce to get you to look after yourself!" Airi laughed as she ruffled Tsukasa's long, unkempt hair, "Maybe the next piece of advice you’ll take from me is to finally cut your hair."
"You know what," he chuckled, "Maybe I will. Now's as good a time as any for a change."