Chapter Text
Chan’s eyes were heavy while he tried to focus on the screen before him. The light hurt compared to the darkness of the studio, where he had holed up himself for the past twelve hours. His head was pounding, and the unevenly placed headphones did not help.
It was stressful. He was stressed, and it had been a long time since he had felt that same feeling shattering the world around his shoulders. He felt tired, not only physically but emotionally and mentally. That translated into irritation and moodiness, something everyone around him smelled and pointed out with a joke, which only worsened the alpha’s mood.
Even if he knew the consequences of stress on himself and those around him, that was the only thing he could not control. It was eating him alive, and still…
He took a deep breath, glancing down at his phone screen. It was already past five in the morning. He had yet again spent the night working (or lying to himself, saying he was working when in reality, he had spent the last five hours overthinking); a few emails had already entered his inbox, most of them with an “URGENT” title on the subject. Other messages were also piling on his phone, most of them from his pack, questioning yet again where he was. Two missed calls. One voicemail message.
He did not respond to any of them.
Closing his eyes, he let his head fall back against the headrest of the now very uncomfortable chair. He started to rewind and look for the holes, the cracks; where did everything start to go downhill? How could he have left everything to worsen so much in such a little time? He looked into the shelves of his memory, but nothing came to mind. His brain was tricking him, now only producing images of the frowns and pouts probably waiting for him at home.
"Hyung! You said you’d be home by eight so we could watch that movie I told you about last weekend!”
“*Chan-hyung, you really look pale and tired; when was the lost time you ate a whole meal?”*
“Hyunjin and I fought yesterday and he still doesn’t want to talk to me! That brat!”
“Can you believe he wants me to apologize? Even after he insulted me in such a manner?!”
“They fought because Jisung really wanted to paint with him, but Jinnie didn’t let him, so he said his paintings were trash…”
“Hyung… I got a call from your assistant last night saying she was leaving but you were still at the office… please, stop doing that—“
The voices inside his head numbed him completely, and he tried to fight them back, mute them, and expel them from his brain. But it was not possible. As if scenes from a movie, his whole life the past six months, replayed in front of him.
He had finally managed to become the creative director of his parents’ fashion company. He was also still working as a producer, trying to keep his discography alive in the industry (he had started that before even asking his parents to let him work for them, slowly but surely gaining their trust and climbing the ladder). He also kept up his public appearances, arranged appointments with artists, and managed a few apprentices. On top of that, he had started to form a pack. All at once.
He had taken on too much, too fast, and now the weight of it all was crushing him. He needed to prioritize, delegate, take a step back, and breathe. He needed to take care of himself before he could take care of others. He knew what to do, but the thought of letting anyone down made him hesitate. So he stood in the same place, trying to coax everyone to believe that he was doing fine, he was doing great, that he was thriving.
He was in hell; inside himself were burning flames.
Another ring of his phone made him open his eyes. It was his alarm, six o’clock on the dot. He stopped it and rubbed his face. He no longer had time to rest, he thought, before he started to pack his things.
Usually, his days were all planned out before he could even think about what he would want for breakfast. His assistant, god bless her heart, made sure to schedule an automatic email that would be sent to him when his alarm went off, specifying all the tasks and appointments he had for the day, organizing them by priority, as well pointing out any urgent appointments any of his pack mates might have that day.
He grabbed his bag and headed out of the studio, trying to shake off the overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. He checked the list of his email. The first thing was to go back home and shower. A scoff rumbled through his chest. He was so predictable.
The house was silent when he slowly opened the front door. All the lights were out, and the feeling of guilt crept behind his back. He was sneaking into his own house, where he should probably feel safe and in control, where his packmates should make him feel like he was living on the ninth cloud. He was creeping into his own home, something he tried to reassure himself that it was but hardly believed it.
It was not that he did not love his home, his mates, and his family. He’d give his life for everything they had built into their short time together. It was not that, no— it was simply the humiliation of not being good enough to be their head alpha that kept him from spending the quality time they all needed to bond completely.
He was slowly drifting away from them. He knew. He couldn’t stop.
As he made his way towards the stairway, the light from the kitchen turned on, making him jump to his feet.
It was Jeongin, arms crossed over his chest, hair a mess, and puffy eyes. He silently stared at Chan.
“Damn it— you scared me,” Chan hissed.
Jeongin raised his eyebrows, not saying a word, before turning around and walking towards the kitchen table. Chan followed him, taking a seat on the opposite side. The silence was thick, heavy with unspoken words and emotions. Jeongin was the first to break it.
"You haven't been eating properly," he said softly, pushing a plate of eggs and toast toward Chan. "I made you breakfast." Chan stared at the food momentarily before looking up at Jeongin, his eyes filling with gratitude and guilt.
“You woke up to make me breakfast?” he asked, eyes darting between the plate and his youngest pup.
“No,” he sighed, “I never went to sleep. I thought you’d come home earlier.”
Chan felt guilt in his chest, realizing how much he had neglected his pack.
“Couldn’t sleep last night?” he asked softly, trying to reach out to hold Jeongin’s hand, but he quickly retrieved it to place it over his lap, denying his alpha the chance to touch himself.
“I’ve been struggling to sleep the past week, something you might be interested to know,” his words were like a flood of sadness inside Chan’s chest, “something you would’ve noticed if you weren’t ignoring us so much.”
“Innie, I—“
“No,” he stopped him, “you don’t even pick up the phone; we have to call your assistant every night to know where you even are.”
Chan felt a knot form in his stomach as Jeongin's words hit him like a ton of bricks. He knew he had been neglecting his pack, but he didn't realize just how much they had noticed. He felt like a failure as their alpha, unable to provide the care and attention they deserved.
“Eat, hyung. I have to go get ready for school.”
The kitchen was silent after their shared words, his feelings almost bleeding out of him. He took a few bites, pondering on how to proceed. It felt like the more he tried, the fewer ideas his brain could come up with.
**
Chan walked down the shiny halls of the company, surrounded by a few of the members of his creative group. They were discussing the upcoming event that had required their styling and all the possibilities and ideas that they had come up with last week. Their voices were slowly ingraining themselves inside his brain as he sped up his walk, trying to avoid them even for a second (the meeting should’ve been held in his office, but an emergency with one of the models had come up);
His mind kept flying between the problems he had at hand and the discussion he had had that morning with Jeongin. He couldn’t stop imagining the youngest’s sorrowful eyes throwing daggers at him with his words.
Luckily, even if it’s not the best word to use, he did not cross paths with any other member of the house while quickly showering and getting dressed, just as sneakily exiting through the back door.
He stopped abruptly in front of one of the studios of the company, both of his employees almost crashing with his back while they kept arguing about their ideas. He slowly turned around, and their faces paled a bit.
“Look, let’s have the storm of ideas later on the day; what do you think? I believe everything you said has something useful. Still, we really need to merge them together, create unison and harmony, right?” he softened his voice, knowing very well how irritated his face might look at the moment, but he couldn’t take it now; too much noise, too little sleep.
They both nodded before quickly returning to the path they had followed Chan, too. The second of quietness was enough for him to breathe deeply, trying to organize his head before his phone went off again.
It was Changbin calling. His cute photo appeared wide on the screen as it vibrated in his hand. He had to take a second breath.
A clattering sound came from behind, the studio door suddenly flying open. The model, half-naked, stormed down the hall, his shirt hanging by his shoulder. Voices were heard from behind, but as they were about to follow him, they were met with Chan. Mad Chan. Angry and very irritated Chan.
Their feet stopped before even exiting the studio, their heads hanging low. Suddenly, silence surrounded them.
His phone kept vibrating in his hand but he knew he had a problem he had to take care of first. He promised quietly he’d call Changbin back.
“Care to explain why our model is currently fleeing from the company half naked?” his voice was harsh, and thank god he had a scent blocker patched on his neck because if not, the whole building would’ve already known that his creative director was about to fire someone.
**
“Where are you?!” Changbin was shouting.
Two hours later, and a person already gathering their things before visiting HR, Chan had found time to sneak to the cafe around the corner for a break. His eyes shut when he heard his mate’s voice through the phone, leaning on the counter as he waited for his order.
“I’m sorry for not picking up earlier, but something came up, and I had to run—“
“I didn’t ask why you did not pick up,” he heard his voice rushed and pained, sounds in the background that he could not distinguish, “I asked where are you.”
Chan looked left and right; maybe he was being pranked. But no, the cafe was buzzing with people dressed up, mostly all of them probably employees of his company.
“I’m— I'm at work. Why? what happened?”
“What happened?” Changbin scoffed. “Hyung, what time is it?”
Chan quickly looked down at his watch. Only ten in the morning, he couldn’t believe he still had the rest of the day ahead of him. Tiredness suddenly got very heavy on his shoulders.
“It’s ten—“
“Yeah, ten in the morning; it is Friday, the 20th,” he guessed by the tone of his voice that he was missing something. And something important.
“Wait for a second—“ Chan muted his end of the call, looking down at the schedule he had received that morning from his assistant. Ten in the morning was reserved for a meeting with the creative group, to which he was already late. Coincidentally his coffee order was placed in front of him. He returned to the call.
“Changbin, I don’t have anything on my schedule—“
“That damned schedule of yours!” he suddenly burst out.
Chan's heart sank as Changbin hung up. But he did not have time to overthink it now. He would call him again later. He rushed to the meeting room.
As he entered the room, all eyes turned to him. He could feel the disappointment and frustration emanating from his team. He took a deep breath and tried to compose himself.
"I'm sorry for being late," he began, "I had an urgent situation to attend to."
His team members exchanged glances, clearly not convinced by his excuse.
The meeting continued, but Chan's mind was elsewhere. He couldn't shake off the feeling that he had to be somewhere else right at that moment, but he couldn’t remember where.
After the meeting, he retreated to his office. He couldn't concentrate; his mind was still clouded with stress and exhaustion. His assistant entered the room, the poor woman as tired as he was, his hair flying around her shoulders as she looked down at her big agenda. She placed it in his office loudly, his head snapping at her.
She was serious. Dead serious, and Chan feared her a bit at that exact moment.
“Sir, pardon my language, but I think I fucked up,” her voice, formal as ever, her eyes glistening with tears. She has been his assistant for nearly two years, but since his chaotic life took an upside-down turn, taking all the responsibilities in his arms, he felt how she was also drifting off with exhaustion. She had never cursed in front of him, for instance.
“What is it, Emma,” he sighed.
“I didn’t schedule Jeongin’s graduation on your agenda for today,” her words were quick as if she was taking off a bandage, her eyes closed, trying to avoid the wrath she expected from Chan.
“Jeongin’s graduation?” he slowly let his head fall against the chair, his eyes closing. At that moment, he felt how the little energy he had left for the day disappeared from his body.
“Yes, today, at ten thirty, in his school. Hyunjin called me three weeks ago to confirm the date, and I wrote it down. Here, look,” she brought the big agenda closer to him, her little finger pointing at a sticky note on the bottom of the page, “but I must’ve missed it— I don’t know how! I always use that colour of notes for the most urgent stuff related to your pack, sir! I guess an emergency happened right after, and it completely slipped away from my mind. I’m sorry, sir.”
Chan felt the earth opening under his feet, and he only prayed for it to eat him alive. Make him disappear.
His eyes darted to the clock hanging on his wall, right next to all of the paintings Hyunjin had taken to his office, trying to brighten up the mood. It was already one o’clock. The graduation had surely finished by now.
As Chan tried to fight off the overwhelming feeling of exhaustion, his mind couldn't help but dwell on the missed graduation. He knew how much it would mean to Jeongin, and his heart ached at the thought of disappointing his packmate once again.
Emma, his assistant, suddenly sat on the chair before him. That was also the second sign of her tiredness (she had never sat down without him telling her to). He noticed her pale face and deep eye bags. She had stopped wearing makeup as well.
“Sir, with all due respect, how long will we be trying to survive this? It is impossible to keep up with everything,” she sighed.
“I know I— I need to find a way to organize things and—“
“Sir, I don’t want to offend you, but I am a pro at organization, and still, it is unsustainable.”
He kept silent, rubbing his eyes.
“What do you suggest then?” he asked, “but not as an employee… as a friend, Emma. What do you suggest?”
Her shoulders relaxed as she sighed.
“Chan-ssi, you have too much on your plate. I’m here only to organize everything, but I still get beat up at night— I have no idea how you do it. These past six months have been hell for me; I can’t even imagine what it has been for you and your pack.”
The mention of his pack made him wince. He knew he would have a tough time begging for forgiveness after today's incident.
“I know I just… all the opportunities came at once, you know it, you were there… and I couldn’t pick one over the other. I—“
“I’m not blaming you. And I know your pack won’t blame you either… well, not for today’s fiasco; they will blame you a lot, that’s for sure,” her eyes widened when she remembered, “but overall, you’re sacrificing yourself to give them the best life, and I know they appreciate it but… you’re their head alpha, Chan-ssi. You should be there for them…even more since they don’t have a head omega to guide them.”
Another sensitive topic that hurt his heart.
“Emma, we talked about this..”
Her hands went up in defence. “I know— I know. I won’t mention it again; I’m sorry, sir.”
Although he adored his pack, he would give his life for his pack, he would sacrifice anything for them; he knew there was still a missing piece. He tried to ignore that thought the best way possible, but when situations like these arose, he knew the problem was slowly but surely growing.
“Look, Emma…” he sighed, “I don’t need any more team members exhausted. We need to find you a colleague who can help you out on the organization, and maybe be more on check with the pack’s activities and…”
“You want a babysitter?” she scoffed.
“It’s not that, don’t be mean”, he spoke back, and he saw how her ears reddened by the slight command in his voice, “I need someone reliable who can organize their schedules as well and keep me informed if anything big has to happen or if has happened— I need a babysitter, yeah.” He finally gave in, a small victorious smile appearing on Emma’s face.
“Should I put on a job offer?”
“No— we need to be more….”
“Secretive? Why?”
“What do you mean why? What would the tabloids say if they discover I’m looking for a babysitter for my pack since I cannot— I do not have the time to take care of them?”
She leaned back on the chair, a pensive look on her face. “Also, your parents would eat you alive.”
He shuddered at her notice. “Yeah… so if they ever ask, he’s assisting you in assisting me.” He pointed, and she nodded eagerly.
“I’ll do my best, sir,” she suddenly rose from her chair, “I’ll try to find someone reliable by the end of next week.”
“Thank you, and oh—“ he stopped her while she was walking away, “clear my schedule for the—“
“Already done, sir. I also sent your pack the reservation for lunch in thirty minutes under your name. Good luck!”
He could only sigh in relief.
**
Chan rushed inside the restaurant where Emma had made the reservation for him. The waiter stopped him, and after he provided his details, he guided him towards the table, where six of his pack mates were already sitting down sipping on their drinks, happily engaging in a conversation, Jeongin the centre of it all. The voices stopped when they realized Chan had arrived. Sore eyes looked up at him while he took a seat at the head of the table.
He had to clear out his throat, remembering the speech he was trying to quickly prepare inside the car while he made his way toward the restaurant. Suddenly, all words disappeared once he saw the hurt in his youngest’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he could only mutter out, shaking his head. The rest of the table kept quiet. Some of them lowered their head, and others, like Hyunjin and Jisung, the other two alphas, kept their gaze fixed on him, “I know that there is no excuse for me, and I'm not trying to come up with one either, I should’ve been more attentive, and I should’ve remembered but uh…” he struggled to apologize, feeling completely humiliated, “I will try to make it up to you, Innie”.
Jeongin only nodded in response, refusing to look up at him.
“Hyung, that is far from an apology,” Jisung spoke. He was sitting next to Jeongin; his arms protectively moved to sit over his shoulders.
“Jisung…” Changbin sighed frustratedly. Chan looked at his beta, tired and on the verge of tears.
“No, hyung is not right. We promised to tell him whenever he did something wrong because no one knew how we’d handle the situation of forming a new pack. Now I’m telling him you’ve done nothing right since we decided to make it official.”
Seungmin also sniffed on the other end of the table. His omega’s hands were trembling on top of the table.
“I know, but we should keep this conversation for another—“
“And when is the right time then?” Hyunjin cut him off, obviously just as mad as Jisung. Both of his alphas were teaming up against him. Chan’s chest hurt. “When is it, Changbin? On one of our pack dinners? Oh wait, we don’t have those either because hyung refuses to return home even at night.”
Felix, who was sitting right next to Chan, also looked away, his lip trembling.
“I know I’ve been a little distanced from home lately—“ he tried to explain, but Jisung didn’t let him.
“Distanced? You’ve been sneaking inside the house this past week! We’re trying to contact you and you ignore us!”
“Jeongin has been crying at night this week because he feared you wouldn’t remember his graduation. Do you know how hard we’ve been trying to reassure him that it wouldn’t happen?” Hyunjin continued.
Tears were stinging now, threatening to fall from his eyes. He had to blink twice to keep them in.
“I—“ he couldn’t speak, the knot in his throat suddenly pulling too hard at his voice strings.
“Drop it, hyung.” Jisung hissed. He turned to look at Jeongin, slowly caressing his cheek while muttering soft words of affirmation, sensing the hurt that their youngest omega was bearing inside himself. Hyunjin also turned to look at Changbin, engaging in a totally different conversation, trying to lighten up the mood at least for the rest of their lunch.
The waiters came and went. They served them drinks and food, and al thought most of them tried to smile and talk to one another, the tension could be cut through the air.
Chan felt helpless in that situation but knew there was no way out. He had to swallow down the pride his alpha wore as a cap and then admit that he was guilty, considering the few words that Jisung had spared him. Yes, he had asked them to tell him whenever he did something wrong as head alpha; no, he did not think he had been doing everything completely wrong all this time.
He had moved them all together into a house big enough for them. The house was on the outskirts of Seoul, away from the hectic mess of the city. Ten bedrooms, a kitchen big enough to gather them comfortably, big windows that let all the sun inside during the summer, a spacious living room with a dip-down lounge where they could all lazily spend their Sunday mornings together, cuddling, scenting, bonding.
He had visualized his life while visiting the house for the first time; he had imagined how happy they would all be. The seven of them finally found their path. And then— he had fucked it all up.
When all the plates were cleared from the table, and Chan was still deep into thought, he felt a small hand creep upon his under the table. Felix squished it hard without looking at him.
It pained him to see that he wouldn’t even dare to look directly at his head alpha, as of afraid of how the rest of them would disapprove of his actions.
He would have to change. He would have to find a solution before they reached a point of no return.
**
As he walked out of the restaurant, Chan couldn't shake off the intense feeling of guilt that weighed heavily on his heart. He knew he had let his pack down, which deeply hurt him. He had always prided himself on being a good leader, but lately, he had been struggling to keep up with his responsibilities.
The reality of his situation was that he was running himself ragged, trying to juggle his work responsibilities with his duties as their head alpha.
As he made his way back to his office, he couldn't help but think about his conversation with Emma earlier. He knew she was right and needed someone to help him organize his life. But he also knew he couldn't hire anyone for the job. He needed someone he could trust, someone who understood the complexities of his life as an alpha, and someone who could handle the pressure.
“Sir! Chan-ssi! Sir!” Emma’s voice and heels clicking against the floor made him turn around; her face flushed because of the sprint to reach him just in time before the elevator doors closed.
“What’s the rush? Did you eat already?” he quietly asked, but she shushed him, looking through the folders between her arms. She was always carrying paperwork. He tried to help her balance it all, but she turned her body away from him.
“Don’t touch!” she hissed, quickly catching herself and adding a soft sir afterwards. “I’ve been thinking about what you said— the babysitter matter.”
“Would appreciate it if we spoke about this in my office.”
“I have to do all the paperwork for the new apprentices in like two minutes, so I don’t have time to go all the way to the end of the building with you, sir,” she answered, “the cameras in the elevators don’t have any mics, don’t worry.”
“How do you..”
“Anyways, I’ve been thinking, and it hit me that a few days ago, a colleague of mine from the University contacted me because he was coming back to Seoul.”
“Colleague? Wouldn’t you mean friend?”
She scoffed, finally pulling out a thin opaque folder and handing it to Chan. “No, colleague. He was weird back in the day, he never addressed me as a friend whatsoever, but we kept a cordial relationship.”
Chan took the folder from her hands.
“If you believe I’m organized, he will seem a control freak in your eyes,” she nodded toward the folder. “Take a look at it and let me know if I should give him a call. Honestly, considering your situation sir, I wouldn’t lose any more time to salvage— I mean, to work on keeping your pack safe and happy.”
The elevator stopped with a ding sound; they had arrived on his floor.
“I’m pretty sure I don’t want a freak interacting with my pack,” he hesitantly looked at the folder.
“I didn’t say freak; I said control freak,” her eyes narrowed. She was still inside the elevator as Chan stepped out, “oh— also, he’s an omega!” she quickly smiled before the door started to close, leaving him hanging in the hallway.
**
Minho sat still on the cafe couch. His eyes were focused outside of the window, following each person that crossed in front of him. He counted how many he saw and then looked at the time. Twenty-one in one minute. That’s a lot, his head titled to the side. Back in his hometown, he would count two in a minute.
It could be too much. Maybe he shouldn’t have come back to Seoul after all.
His back was straight as a stick, and his palms were placed down on his thighs. The only movement from his body was the slight rise and fall from his chest that gave out he was actually alive.
He looked down at the screen of his phone. Another minute, and he started counting again. Now there was an influx of people; he adverted the bus that had stopped on the other side of the street. He hummed for himself; maybe he should start counting how many buses went by this street—
“Sir?” his thoughts got interrupted. He looked up at the masked young man that was standing beside him, holding a coffee cup on a tray, his eyes forming a half-moon. Minho asked himself if he was really smiling or simply narrowing his eyes. “Your order,” he let the tray down softly, “and…” he sighed, “usually it’s self-service, the tray was ready five minutes ago, but since it’s not busy, I decided to bring it to you.”
Minho looked at him, confused. He did not tell him anything when he ordered at the counter. Still, he smiled while the young man turned around to leave.
He stared at the tray. The coffee had spilt over the little white plate under it. He quickly reached out for the napkin next to the little spoon and folded it in half, then he tattered one side and left the other untouched next to the spoon. Without moving the coffee cup, he quickly cleaned the little brown dots that adorned the plate.
With a shake of his head, he folded the used part of the napkin in a perfect triangle and left it on the other side of the tray.
Back again at this first position, he stared. Now it was perfect.
Minho's thoughts were interrupted by the vibration of his phone. He picked it up and saw a missed call from an unknown number. He frowned, wondering who it could be. As he was about to put his phone back down, it started ringing again. He hesitated for a moment before answering.
"Hello?" he said, his voice laced with confusion.
"Minho-ssi! This is Emma, we spoke by e-mail a few days ago," the voice on the other end of the line said, her words coming out in a rush.
"Yes, hello Emma," he replied, still trying to figure out why she was calling him. He remembered her vividly, although they have not seen each other in more than three years. She was one of the few people who understood his obsession with organization and perfection.
"I was wondering if you were interested in a job offer. I recall you confirmed with me that you’re back in Seoul, is that right? I work as an assistant and my boss desperately needs someone to help him with his schedule and… other duties," she explained, stumbling over her words.
Minho's mind raced as he tried to recall the conversation they had. He remembered Emma mentioning something about being able to help him out with anything he needed, but he did not remember asking her openly to help him find a job.
“What is exactly the job about?” he asked hesitantly, his eyes focused one more time outside the cafe.
“Mr. Bang is the creative director of QT, as well as the current main producer of the 3RACHA label— I don’t know if you’ve heard about… anyways, he’s a really busy man, and he needs really organized people surrounding him.” She murmured the last part.
Minho’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Didn’t you just say you were assisting him already?”
“And I am! But there is only so much a person can handle on their own,” Minho heard her sigh at the end of the line, “he’s also the head alpha of his pack, and let’s say it’s not going well, exactly.”
When he heard head alpha, his hand gripped the phone tightly.
"I'm sorry, Emma, but I don't think I'm the right person for the job," he said, his voice rushed but apologetic.
"But Minho-ssi, you're perfect for the job! You're organized and responsible, and you understand the complexities of being an omega in a pack," Emma pleaded.
Minho was taken aback by her words.
"I'll think about it and get back to you," he finally said, still unsure if he was ready for such a responsibility.
"Please do, Minho-ssi. Mr Bang really needs someone like you," Emma said before ending the call.
Minho stared at his phone for a moment, contemplating the offer. Was she crazy? The Emma he knew would’ve probably sent him an email with details regarding the offer; she would’ve probably also attached a file with her boss’ general information so he knew with who he was dealing.
Instead, she called. And she knew he hated phone calls.
“She must be really desperate,” he whispered to himself.
A loud thud startled him. Someone opened the entrance of the cafe with too much force. He eyed them, slender figures, masks over their faces, and hats covering their hair. One of them had it platinum blonde, and the other jet black, both a bit longer than the usual cut he was used to seeing on males back in his hometown.
Their voices were loud compared to the quietness of the cafe and Minho really wished he could take them by their ears and throw them out of the establishment.
“Two large americanos, take away,” he heard one of the boys say. Minho could easily distinguish them as alphas, and not any other alphas, but brat alphas that knew no manners regarding their environment and the people they might be bothering with their loudness.
The brewing machine started functioning, and Minho heard the clattering sound of metal and then ice being poured into plastic cups.
“All I’m saying is we should somehow help him instead of giving him the silent treatment,” one of them spoke, “I know you’re mad, and I’m too! Of course, I am, but how are we supposed to solve this? By abandoning him? After all the roughness we’ve all been, it would crush everyone.”
“But, he took responsibility for us. He promised his loyalty to the pack as well as his heart to us. What did we receive after six months? Maybe we trusted him too fast, too much.”
“I wouldn’t say we trusted him too fast,” the other one responded, surprisingly calmed.
Minho kept his back straight as he listened to the conversation, not daring to turn around to look at them in case they thought he was eavesdropping (which, honestly, he was).
“All I’m saying is he looked miserable today at lunch,” the calm one continued.
“And all I’m saying is his youngest omega has been crying the whole week, missing him while he was at work. Have you ever positioned yourself in Innie’s place?”
“Of course I have Jisung, don’t be mean like that.”
Minho winced at his words. So they had a head alpha basically mistreating his pack mates. Interesting, he thought while sipping from his own coffee, his eyes still focused on the street view in front of him.
The sounds of the machines stopped, and he heard the barista’s voice announcing their drinks were ready. Then feet shuffled, nearing where Minho was silently sitting.
He sensed their presence too close even if he didn’t look at them.
He wasn’t keen on being close to alphas. He had been raised in almost all omega members' pack. He was raised by their principles, their rules, and their convictions. The only alpha he had near was his grandfather, the head alpha, who made sure to stay away from his grandkids as much as possible, relegating almost all responsibilities to the head omega.
“Look, I love hyung. You know that. I’d give my life for him, but I cannot overlook his mistakes so easily.” The frustration he sensed in the angry alpha made Minho want to really turn around and look at him. But slowly their steps made their way towards the entrance of the cafe. Minho took a deep breath and then saw them walking by the window. They both were still motioning with their hands while walking down the street and into a black car that was waiting for them. He thought it was weird he didn’t see the car stopping and them coming out of it.
Minho took another sip of his coffee, lost in thought. As he watched the people pass by outside, his mind kept going back to the job offer from Emma, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed a change in his life. That’s why he had returned to Seoul, with the bit of money he had saved while working in his hometown as a librarian. He needed to escape the routine his parents had set for him. He needed to let himself experience life the same way he did back in his university days (although now, looking back, he did not let loose even a little bit);
The coffee was already cold and bitter. He left the half-empty cup down and returned the tray to the counter. The barista, now busy polishing glasses, focused his attention on him again. His eyes formed the half-moons from before.
“Thank you,” he said, bowing his head, leaving the tray slowly, and turning around.
**
Chan made sure to return at a reasonable hour back home. Still, he found the entrance and living room empty and dark. The only sound that could be heard came from the basement, a movie playing loudly. He was sure all of his mates were there, probably cuddling in a puppy pile, having their best time, but he couldn’t bring himself to interrupt them. He knew his presence would make them feel uncomfortable, just like it had happened when he arrived at the restaurant that morning.
Instead, he took the stairs and made his way up, towards the very end of the hallways, where his room was. It had been cleaned that day, and the sheets were changed, which he thought didn’t need to be changed since he had not slept in the other ones not even one time last week.
He slowly undressed while looking at himself in the mirror. He really did himself go. He had lost weight; what once had been muscle now looked tiny. If he pulled up his arms, he could clearly see some of his ribs and the bones of his hips were more protuberant than before. He sighed. He had not been this skinny ever since he was twenty years old, and he didn’t know what a gym was. Still, he slowly made his way towards the shower, avoiding looking at himself any longer in the mirror.
His door opened slowly as he gathered his pyjamas in one hand, holding the towel around his hips with the other.
A blonde head slowly looked inside, Felix’s big round eyes looking directly at him intently.
“We didn’t expect you early at home today,” he said as he entered. Chan’s lips formed a small smile as he stared at the omega slowly making his way toward him, his arms finding their way around his torso while he buried his face in the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply. His body instantly relaxed, and so did Chan’s, holding him tightly around his arms, his chin resting on top of his head.
“There wasn’t much I could do anyways— I couldn’t stop thinking about today,” he corrected himself, trying to redirect the conversation.
Felix sighed.
“We all miss you home hyung… even if Sungie and Jinnie reacted that way, it’s because they’ve been struggling without you here as well,” he murmured against his neck, his lips tickling his skin. Oh, how he had missed this sensation.
“I know…” he sighed, “I’ve missed you too but there is so much going on, and I completely understand the frustration, and I feel like whatever I do I'll screw it anyways— It was never my intention for this to be this way. I wanted us to be together and bond, for real, but all this work suddenly appeared and I couldn’t choose one or another.”
Felix simply nodded, still surrounded by his alpha’s arms, still inhaling his scent deeply.
“I want to be able to provide you with the best life possible; I want you all to have everything and anything in this world. After all you… and the others have been through so much, you deserve to live carefreely, and I want to achieve that—”
“Hyung,” Felix stopped him, looking up with glistening eyes, “sometimes all we want is for you to be home with us.”
Chan stopped talking and took a deep breath instead, still looking down at the starry eyes that held so much hope inside of them. He softly nodded. But his brain didn’t let him enjoy the sweet moment too much as that day's events kept replaying over and over again, suddenly his assistant's voice drilling into his mind again.
“Actually,” he slowly stepped back, letting his arm fall to his side, “I wanted to talk to you, all of you, about something.”
Felix’s face twisted a bit as he slowly pulled back. Sudden worry painted all over. “What is it?” his voice was barely there, and Chan damned himself for being so negligent with his words knowing how panicked Felix could get without context.
“Nothing bad! Don’t worry too much— it’s an idea I have… something that might help me keep on track with my responsibilities as head alpha and uh— being more present,” he slowly explained, trusting his words wouldn’t be too much for the younger.
“Would you mind sharing with me first?” he bravely asked and Chan hesitated for a second.
“How about I…” he lost track of his thought as he tried to come up with an explanation, suddenly realising how silly the idea might sound, “how about I hire someone to be like the pack’s assistant, someone we can trust, someone that can keep up with all the schedules and be present with all of us…” it really did not sound great, even less with the trembling of his voice.
Felix’s brows furrowed together, his head tilting to the side.
“You want us to have a pack assistant?” he repeated his words slowly, “as in… a babysitter?”
“Well, not like a babysitter, but—“
“Will they be in charge of our schedules? the assistant, I mean….” Felix asked, taking a step back.
Chan smelled the sudden change, the youngest usually sweet smell was nowhere to be found.
“I mean, yeah— they’d keep up with everyone’s schedule and—“
“Will they also keep you on track?” he stopped him.
Chan looked left and right. Felix’s questions had a trap somewhere, but he couldn’t place where.
“I mean, yeah— they’d have direct contact with Emma, I guess….”
“Not Emma, you.”
Chan took a second to think about it.
“Personally, I will only accept to be babysitted by a stranger if you are also babysitted by them,” his words were firm.
“Well, it won’t be a stranger… I’ll make sure to get to know them first,” he avoided his question.
“That doesn’t answer my question,” Felix quickly voiced his thoughts.
“Felix, I’m really trying—“
“Talk with the rest first. I know for a fact Jisungie and Hyunjin won’t accept easily,” he muttered before turning around and leaving his room, the rotten smell of berries trailing behind him.
**
“A babysitter?!” Hyunjin screeched, and his voice echoed through the tall walls of the living room.
“It’s not a babysitter…” Chan sighed yet again.
“Well, technically, hyung…” Seungmin spoke, pursing his lips and shrugging his shoulders, “What you just described it is.”
“Would you let me talk?” he snapped back, his palms up toward his pack. He had managed, with a little help from Felix, to convince them all to have a meeting that same night. He had practiced the speech in the shower but just as it had happened in the restaurant, all of his ideas flew out of his head once he had all six of them in front of him.
“Will they control our every step and report to you every night?”
“Will they send you an automatic email each morning with our schedule for the day as Emma does?”
Chan sighed rubbing his eyes.
“I bet you hire someone who also colour codes our names.”
“If they ever touch one of our nests I will flee from this house!”
Chan finally stood up, both his arms ajar as he desperately tried to calm everyone down. “Look, it will be someone that will help me be more present here, more in tune with everyone, aware of what’s actually happening with you.”
“How is that person supposed to follow each one of us every single day?” Jisung snapped.
“They won’t follow, they will help,” Chan stopped him.
He looked around all the faces, some frowning, others questioning him with their eyes. The only one that had not spoken that night was Jeongin, looking down at his fidgety fingers on his lap. He was snuggling with Changbin, who had a protective arm over him.
“Look, I already spoke with Emma and her—“
“If you hire a psycho like her, I am definitely fleeing from this house,” Hyunjin threatened him.
“She’s not a psycho!” Chan tried to defend her.
“Hyung, she knows exactly how many stairs there are from the hall of QT until the last floor where your office is,” Jisung answered, annoyed.
“That’s because she had to go up and down that time the elevator broke down—“
“She has a colour for each outfit of each day of the week. She told me it is an absolute must to coordinate it on Sunday nights,” Seungmin added, his face showing a hint of fear.
“Just because she does laundry every weekend, it doesn’t mean she’s crazy.”
“She can predict your every move hyung. I bet she was the one to make the reservation at the restaurant today,” Changbin added with a smirk on his face. Chan almost growled at the beta’s smug face.
“I’m trying to find a solution to our situation until I organize work and relegate responsibilities to other people and manage to clear out my schedule to be with you more,” he explained exasperated.
Suddenly everyone fell silent. The harmony of their scents was long lost, now it became musky, uncertain. But no one spoke. They knew their head alpha was trying. They knew he felt guilty. They knew he was miserable. And still— he had let them down more than once. How could they believe him this time?
“I want it to be an omega,” suddenly Jeongin spoke, without looking up, lips partly open, “if you hire anyone, he or she, I don’t care, but they must be an omega.”
Chan took a deep breath and sat down again, both his forearms landing on his knees.
“The person who I got recommended—“
“So you already started to search without our approval?” Jisung spoke offended, his eyes round and wide.
“I have not! Emma just happened to have on hand the file of—“
“I told you she was crazy! She predicted this happening!” Hyunjin shrieked in his seat.
Felix giggled by his side, finding it amusing how they caught every single chance to bully Chan.
“As I said—“ Chan gave him a side eye, “I got recommended someone, I have not even opened the file yet” he pointed his finger toward Hyunjin, who opened his mouth to respond but kept mute, “he is an omega, he studied with Emma in University.”
“Her psycho friend,” Jisung muttered under his breath.
“What if we say yes? How will you manage this situation? Because I’m sure as hell you won’t dare throw him in here without you supervising,” Seungmin noted, speaking his mind confidently.
“Of course, I wouldn’t do that,” Chan nodded, “I have to get to know him, you have to get to know him. If he seems like someone reliable, someone who is able to keep up with everything, someone who you can learn to trust… then I’d be able to be calm while knowing he’s with you,” he slowly explained.
Seungmin responded with a single nod, darting his eyes away one more time. Chan could almost see the little gears turning inside all of their heads, pondering the idea, looking for cons more than pros. The silence stretched, but he could sense the tension dissipated, even for a bit.
“How about we think about it overnight? There’s no rush on taking such a difficult decision,” he finally said, “take a day or two, think about it, tell me your thoughts and we’ll see from there on.” His voice was as soft as possible, keeping for himself all his worries on the matter as well.
They nodded and one by one stood up, making their way to their rooms and saying goodnight. Leaving Chan alone in the pit-down he finally felt his senses calm a little. Something inside of him, a little voice, insisted that this was the right choice. He hoped his gut was correct, and that he was not making another mistake again.
When he was already in bed, still thinking about the matter, his door opened just a bit. He saw long slender fingers creeping from behind in the darkness, and a head with mopped black hair followed.
“Innie, baby…” Chan whispered, “Can’t you sleep?”
“Hyung,” he entered the room fully once he saw he was awake, closed the door and ran to his bed, “can I sleep with you, it’s been too long.” The omega almost pleaded with his voice, and it was at that moment he realized how much damage he had caused to his youngest. He opened his arms and Jeongin quickly snug inside the covers, his head found its place on Chan’s chest, listening closely to his heartbeat.
Chan felt content. Cham felt full with his omega between his arms. His scent heightened and he could almost feel him purr from his chest. They both lay quietly for a while, enjoying the sensation of finally being with one another.
Then Jeongin broke that silence.
“I grew up with a head omega instead of a head alpha,” he whispered as if he was telling a secret, “I mean— we had our alpha, but he was only the image, all of the decisions came from the omega. She was very strong and intimidating, but the most loving person I have ever met.” He explained.
Chan hummed in response, quickly placing a kiss on the top of his head.
“That’s why I requested an omega hyung,” he continued, “because we need a head omega to be by your side.” This time his words stirred something inside of Chan.
He had never thought of the person he would hire to form a pack with him in the future. It would simply be professional, business, or a transaction. And still, the words of Jeongin stuck inside his chest like daggers.
“I’ll make sure we find someone who will take great care of everyone, baby,” he quietly promised, and then he felt how the younger smiled, finally closing his eyes peacefully.