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it was instinctive, the way i fell for you. like an effortless intake of breath—josh walker
If you asked most of the kids who Sky was, they wouldn’t tell you because they didn’t really know. They were never interested. Those who knew, knew very little, and the answer to that question would be, “You mean the quiet kid?” or “Ah, that nerd… it’s about that nerd, right?”
It was partly true; Sky was the quiet type, leaning on being shy, that kept to himself and didn’t really have many friends. He preferred books and manga, and the company of his flower and plant friends. But he was always there if you needed help, some tutoring or someone who’d just listen. Sky was good at listening, a bit worse at speaking his mind when it came to his needs and wants.
One of his wants’ name was Prapai.
Sky’d been crushing on his senior from the very start; he saw him: flamboyant, radiating confidence, beautiful as Adonis himself, with that charming smile and soft gaze and—and that was it, Sky was gone. Forever, probably, not to be dramatic.
He never worked up the courage to properly talk to Prapai, even less to reveal his crush. He admired him from afar: came to his volleyball matches to secretly cheer on him and stole glances during lunch breaks when Prapai, his best friend Phayu, and the rest of “popular kids” sat at the “popular table”, laughing, talking loudly and teasing each other till they cried. He watched star-eyed when Prapai played sax during school festivals, and smiled till his cheeks hurt hearing his dorky, infectious laughter. He melted at how nice Prapai was to everyone and something told Sky it wasn’t just a mask and facade; he strongly believed it was simply who Prapai was.
It was enough—Sky stubbornly told himself—watching him like that was enough. After all, Prapai would never even notice him. They were from two different worlds: while Sky was the scholarship kid from the lower middle class, Prapai had the whole world at his feet. And no matter how sad it was, Sky knew better than to believe it could be any different. Plot twists where a prince fell for a subject, a commoner, happened only in fairy tales, and his life was no fairy tale, quite far from it.
One day, though, they bumped into each other on the corridor by accident, Sky reading a new volume of One Piece and Prapai distracted by talking to Phayu. Sky stumbled, dropped the manga and just when he was to fall, a strong arm caught him in the middle, helping him regain his balance.
“You okay?” Sky recognized Prapai’s voice immediately and god, did he want to disappear into sweet nothingness from embarrassment. “Sorry I bumped into you.”
Sky looked up, straight into Prapai’s gentle eyes, and he felt himself burning. He had never dreamed of talking to Prapai, let alone being touched by him. More importantly, Prapai was apologizing to him. The famous, popular, and richest kid in the whole school was saying sorry to him—an invisible someone, of all people. His heart hammered and he could barely catch a breath, lost in Prapai’s proximity.
The most he could do was to nod dumbly, shock painted on his face. He watched in both delight and terror as Prapai bent down, picked up his comic book and looked it over.
“My brother is crazy about Zoro,” he hummed, smiling to himself. “I’m more of Chopper and Brook fan.” The chuckle that left his mouth was endearing and so natural that Sky’s heart did a flip flop, and then his mind went blank.
Prapai knew what One Piece was. Prapai knew the characters. If Sky was to die today, he’d die a happy man. The happiest.
Sky shook his head to bring himself back to earth, and his eyes fell to the volume Prapai was holding in front of him. He took it with the quietest “thank you” and the shyest smile.
Prapai grinned and passed him by with Phayu. Just before they disappeared behind a corner, he turned and shouted, “And what’s your favorite character?”
“Luffy,” Sky replied as loud as he could with his clenched throat.
“Good choice, he’s super cool!” Prapai sent him a smile that could outshine the sun with how bright it was. Then he waved and got dragged away by Phayu.
Sky stood motionless in the corridor, gripping the manga tightly to his chest, feeling his cheeks heating up even more as the phantom of Prapai’s fingers brushed his waist, leaving warm marks. He pinched himself on the forearm but didn’t wake up. It wasn’t a dream, he realized, and reached a corridor bench on wobbly legs.
That night, he lied in bed for hours and stared off into space, his mind replaying each second of that short moment with Prapai over and over again. Each time he noticed something new in his memories, so vivid and clear. He realized how nicely Prapai smelled, recalled how strong and muscular his arm was as it caught him, and yet how delicate the grip was. He thought of the pleasant vibration of his voice, and that playful, cheerful sparkles in his eyes.
And then he realized it was probably the last time they’d ever spoken to each other—no, not probably, but for sure. Sky’s heart sunk but he also knew it was how things were.
*
Sky swore on everything holy that he was going to murder Rain the moment they got to safety. If they got to safety, that is, which proved to be highly questionable considering the absolute mess they were in.
For a moment, Sky was pretty sure they would be yet another trespassers—stupid enough to sneak in this particular circuit, Pakin’s circuit—reported gone without a trace. Just like that—gone, never to be found. Dead. He knew things like that happened at this place and it wasn’t anything unusual. The people here had secrets they had to protect; protect at all costs. Making two students missing was a child’s play for them.
He let out a shaky breath when he saw Rain was caught by Phayu. His best friend trashed and tried to bite but Phayu was unshakable, his grip firm. He talked to the guards that chased Rain and, to Sky’s relief, seconds later the men were gone, but Phayu dragged Rain somewhere where Sky couldn’t follow. It didn’t matter much as long as Rain was safe, and something told Sky that his friend was in good hands—even if he got himself into a completely different kind of trouble now. At least he wouldn’t disappear, and that was what Sky cared about most.
Now, off to find his own escape route.
Sky turned, looked around, and that’s when he caught a glimpse of him. He observed Phayu and Rain with amusement mixed with a tad of confusion, shook his head with resignation and surveyed the surrounding area. That’s when their eyes met and everything froze for a—minute? Minutes? Hours? It was only Sky and the man, with that damned smile of his, playful sparkles dancing in his eyes, more beautiful than Sky remembered. His expression changed to a focused, thoughtful one, like he was trying to find an answer he once knew, or like he saw a wonder.
When Sky saw Phayu at the university, for a split second he dared dream that he’d meet Prapai again, even in passing. He almost asked Phayu about him but the courage had left him. But seeing Prapai here of all places, in a racing suit… What the hell?
The time moved again when someone bumped into Sky. They apologized hastily and continued walking but at the same time a pair of guards took interest in him. His muscles tensed, pumping adrenaline made his mind buzz. He turned around and pressed forward, trying to look as casual possible. It didn’t do the trick, the guards only sped up. Despite the chaos and noise around, Sky heard their footsteps just behind him, heard one guard telling others that an intruder had been found through a security earpiece, almost felt their hands on him. He glanced over his shoulder and indeed they were there, a step away, reaching for him.
A man grabbed his arm and Sky stopped, feverishly trying to come up with a plan, anything, really, while he was aware there was nothing he could do. It was the end.
He knew coming here was a terrible idea. Damn it all.
“He’s my boy.”
A familiar voice echoed and an arm wrapped around his waist. He looked up to see Prapai smiling at the guards politely with a raised, prompted eyebrow.
“Of course. Our apologies, Khun Prapai,” one of the guards said and nodded at his partner.
When they left, Prapai gently nudged Sky towards the trailers at the back, never letting him go. “I think we should talk, you naughty boy.”
Sky thought his heart had hammered like it was about to jump out of his body that one day during high school and he would never experience anything alike again. Well, he was wrong, obviously. Now his heart definitely tried to tear apart his chest. It beat so viciously hard and fast Sky heard it in his ears, making him dizzy.
He almost died and his forever crush rescued him. Just like that, like it was the easiest thing to do.
“You know outsiders are not welcomed here, don’t you?” Prapai said amused when they hid from prying people’s eyes. A playful, cheeky smile danced on his lips. Sky remained silent but it didn’t deter the other man. “That means outsiders are not allowed to leave. Making someone like you disappear is a piece of cake for them. What have you gotten yourself into, Sky? What was so important that you risked your own life?”
Sky’s eyes grew in shock. How was it possible that Prapai recognized him? Remembered him? How the hell did he know his name? It didn’t make sense. None of this made any sense. Not Prapai being here and participating in illegal races, not Prapai rescuing him, definitely not Prapai knowing who he was.
Sky’s head started spinning. Too much, it was too much for one day. One life, actually.
And all he wanted was to stay in his dorm, finish the project that’d been staring at him for days, and then read the newest volume of Kimetsu no Yaiba. Why was nothing ever easy?
He plastered his back to the cool metal surface of a trailer and tried to calm his heart and racing thoughts.
He was dreaming, he had to be dreaming, there was no other explanation.
Tomorrow Rain would be a dead man walking.
“Hey, hey,” he heard Prapai say in a soothing tone. “It’s okay now, I got you. You're safe with me. Let’s get you out of here, hm? I’ll drive you home, c’mon.”
A warm hand touched Sky’s shoulder and gently maneuvered him across the flood of people while he just let Prapai do whatever, still too overwhelmed to react in any logical way. He heard Prapai talk to someone on the phone but it all seemed distant, suddenly unimportant.
All Sky could think of was Prapai. After Prapai graduated, he was sure their paths would never cross again because why would they?
So he tried to let go.
He dated, did his best to make friends. His last relationship was far, far from ideal, but he picked himself up and moved forward stubbornly. There were some bad and good times. But no matter what, his thoughts foolishly always came back to Prapai.
Suddenly, he stood in front of a black, luxurious car. Prapai opened the door for him and closed it after Sky got in, and seconds later he was behind the wheel, starting the engine.
It took a long moment for Sky to find his voice again, “Why were you there?”
They were probably the dumbest—and probably also rudest—words he could’ve spoken to his eternal crush after five years. He should’ve thanked him, explained himself, anything but what he’d said. Drowning in realization of his own stupidity, Sky groaned inwardly and sunk into the seat.
Prapai didn’t seem offended at all. He chuckled and replied casually, “I race,” like it was the most obvious answer ever, like everyone knew. Like he wasn’t attending the biggest and most dangerous event in Bangkok at all. “Why were you there?”
“I—I was helping my friend out.”
“Ah. The other boy.”
“Is… is he safe?”
“Yeah. Phayu won’t let anything happen to him, no worries. He may get reprimanded though, but that’s better than P’Pakin’s people.”
Sky let out a relieved sigh, the tension built up inside him slowly leaving his body. “You recognized me,” he said quietly, just above a whisper.
“Of course I did. Why wouldn’t I?” Prapai glanced at him, a bit surprised, and Sky looked back at him at the same time with a raised eyebrow. Are you an idiot?—the brow said. “Hey, don’t look at me like that!” Prapai laughed lightly and focused back on the road. “Do you still like Luffy? My brother moved to Sir Crocodile and Trafalgar.”
Sky pointedly ignored the question about Luffy and lied to himself that no, the fact Prapai remembered this, too, didn’t affect him at all. “We barely talked, like, once. There’s no reason for you to remember me, yet alone know my name.”
“Are you sure?” Prapai smirked. “I always thought you were super cute.”
Sky sputtered. “I—I—wha-what?”
“I thought you were super cute.” Prapai repeated calmly, though an excited undertone in his words was evident. “I still think you’re disgustingly cute, even more than five years ago.” At red lights, Prapai turned to Sky. “I didn’t hit up on you only because I was told you had a boyfriend and I’m not a relationship breaker. Do you have a boyfriend now?”
“W-wait, hold on, I don’t—I’m confused. You’re saying you’ve always thought I was cute—”
“A-ha,” Prapai chirped enthusiastically.
“—and you had your eyes on me—green light, P’Prapai—but backed off because someone told you I’m taken—”
“Yup, that’s about right.”
“—but for your information, I was more than single—”
“Fuck, really?” Prapai actually whined and slammed his hands on the wheel. “Why was I such a stupid teen and didn’t ask you myself? Fuck, I lost five years! Years!”
Sky’s face didn’t heat up more and his heart didn’t start racing again, of course not.
“—and you’re asking me if I have a boyfriend now because...?”
“Well, do you?”
“What if I say I don’t?”
“I’m taking you on a date.”
If Sky was drinking anything, he’d have choked. He tried to school his expression into something neutral, preferably something not of a shade of ripen tomato, and prayed it worked. For a brief moment, he was a high schooler again, discovering what a real first crush was, what having butterflies in your stomach meant, realizing it was possible to have a breath stolen away by a mere smile or word.
During countless nights he played countless scenarios in his head where he was brave enough to tell Prapai how he felt, or where Prapai miraculously noticed him and decided Sky was somewhat worth his attention. And suddenly, it became true when he least expected it.
He pinched his thigh. He didn’t wake up in his bed, he wasn’t dreaming. It was really happening.
“And if I do?” Sky asked carefully.
“I’m kidnapping you and still taking you on a date, you’re already in my car, after all, and I doubt I’d be able to stop myself, anyway.” Sky had trouble telling if Prapai’s voice was serious or teasing, or maybe both. He might bet on the last option. “Sooo… Am I kidnapping you or…?”
The fate was either laughing in Sky’s face or had actually given him a chance. Time to see which one was it. Sky swallowed and licked his lips, “Do you want to step in?”
*
Sky stretched on the bed like a cat, making a soft content sound. His body was pleasantly sore, little bites left by Prapai absolutely everywhere stung a bit, but it was perfect. Once, years back, if someone told him he’d celebrate a one-year anniversary of his relationship with Prapai, he’d go into a coughing fit first and then look at them like they’d lost their minds. He’d never believe it could be possible.
Yet, here Sky was: Prapai’s arms wrapped tightly around his middle, his face buried in his nape, their legs intertwined, with no space left between them.
“Morning, baby,” Prapai’s sleepy words were nearly lost in Sky’s skin as he pressed himself further into Sky’s body. “Damn, you were so amazing last night. You always are, but…”
Sky felt how Prapai’s foot gently moved up and down, caressing his calf. He shivered when soft kisses showered his shoulders and neck.
“You weren’t half bad yourself.” Sky giggled and rolled his head more to the side so Prapai had a better access. He sighed when teeth scraped his skin.
“Meanie.”
“You love it.”
“That, I certainly do. And I love you.”
Yet, here Sky was: Prapai’s beloved, Prapai’s only, Prapai’s whole world.