Chapter Text
seonghwa has seen all the aspects of parenthood- the unsteady beginning of a new routine, staying up late to soothe and reassure an anxious young hybrid, re-teaching how to hold and use utensils and how to hold a bottle with two hands, and the frustration while the younger hybrid was still figuring out and processing emotions that were resurfacing.
but also came the beautiful moments- when he was first called 'mama', the safe and warm feeling of holding the young one in his arms, getting to officially adopt, and developing his own personality as well as absorbing some of seonghwa's quirks into it.
but the one thing that seonghwa was never prepared for was dealing with nightmares. he felt himself shattering whenever he heard the painful sobs being ripped from his baby's mouth. how he physically was with him, but mentally he was somewhere else, and it scared him not knowing how to bring him back.
his heart dropped when he heard the same heart-breaking sobs come from the living room- hongjoong wanting to take his nap by the fireplace. (april showers along with cold weather has been brought upon them.)
while seonghwa was tidying around the house, that's when he heard those infamous sobs and cursed slightly under his breath as he ran into the living room.
there, he saw his poor baby curling in on himself, as the blanket muffled his loud cries. from experience, he's learned he can't just run up to him and hold him. he has to ease his way down- which ultimately was a process- but seonghwa would do anything for his baby.
"my sweet hongjoong~" seonghwa's voice was gentle, he barely heard it himself. however, said kitten heard it almost immediately. his eyes shot open as he turned his body around and lunged himself into seonghwa's awaiting arms so much as waiting for no invitation.
"oh, my sweet baby, I know this is a little scary." seonghwa places his palm flat on his back "seonghwa is here, we're going to take some deep breaths together."
the younger's sobs turned into him practically almost gagging, his eyes screwed shut in a panic. just the sound alone of him struggling to breathe hurts seonghwa in his heart. "my dear love, mama is right here with you...just breathe in...and out."
It took a good while for the younger's sobs to simmer down, seonghwa held him tight in his arms, almost afraid of letting him go. while he's not sobbing rather violently now, he paws at his eyes, rubbing them harshly for the tears to go away.
hongjoong tries to speak but gets choked up on air instead. his hands are slightly shaking trying to grasp onto something...anything. that's when seonghwa carefully bends down to grab his blanket and slip it in his baby's shaking hands.
"seonghwa is here, my star...don't rush your breathing. you are safe and sound with me." the elder starts the motion of slowly rocking the younger in his arms as he listens to hongjoong try his best to breathe regularly.
it makes him grow anxious the longer it takes for hongjoong to mentally come back, which obviously he will never rush him. it just hurts him seeing his baby have a nightmare so horrible that he's nothing but loud and frantic sobs.
he slowly walks around the room, stopping at the window for a moment. according to news stations, there is a thunderstorm approaching- the heavy rain and wind will greet them once again and continue into tomorrow.
hongjoong can sense when the weather shifts into bad conditions- never once was he a fan of thunderstorms. the nasty and scary weather bringing too many bad memories for him; even though there are a few moments where seonghwa will help and teach him that it's okay and no longer is he that abandoned kitten in that dark and cold alleyway.
but sometimes, he struggles with it- and seonghwa always soothes him and tells him that it's okay to be scared and no longer will he be in harm or danger. seonghwa will always be here to protect him.
he feels the younger slump all of his weight onto his chest, gripping his blanket like a lifeline. it's normal for hongjoong to become quiet and kind of mushy after, so seonghwa holds him tighter and let's hongjoong go at his own pace.
from his friends, they all collectively pitched in and bought seonghwa a rocking chair for christmas, to which the elder almost began to cry out of joy.
any gift he received he is always appreciative of it, but this one...it made him feel all warm inside. this was the first gift he's ever gotten that's centered around him being a parent; and his first thought was he couldn't wait to sit and rock in it while holding his baby.
and that's exactly what he's doing now- he gets himself comfortable and situates hongjoong's blanket around him and slowly rocks in the chair while keeping his palm flat against his back.
it's a little too late in the evening for hongjoong to go back to napping, but he knows that there will be occasions where his schedule gets a little disarray.
"it's just you and me here, my star," he whispers in his ear, rubbing his cheek against the top of his head. "it will always be you and me...take your time, my sweet baby."
--------
"it was pretty rough last night...he was up all night because he took a nap really late in the day. let him sleep for as long as he wants, okay?"
seonghwa informs the hyung's that are on babysitting duty today, being mindful of remaining quiet to let the kitten continue sleeping upstairs.
"do you want us to wake him up if it gets late?" asks yeosang, slinging his shared backpack off his shoulder and onto the couch.
seonghwa pauses, and sighs. he stood there for a moment to think...either way he's not sure how hongjoong will feel after he wakes up. will he be in one of his sensitive moods where all he wants is seonghwa to hold him? or will he be energetic because of all the napping he did and go crazy?
"I honestly don't know..." he tells the truth, which sets his friends pausing in their steps. normally seonghwa always has the answer, even for the smallest question. but right now, his eyes looked glazed over, repeating blinking them.
"are you feeling alright?" jongho asks with his eyebrows raising in concern.
the elder sighs and nods "it was just a rough night...it doesn't leave me feeling the best after hongjoong has a nightmare."
his friends collectively decide on a little group hug, which soothes his racing mind a little. he doesn't want to sound selfish, but the nightmares joong has affects him as well, and when the kitten is calmed down and sleeping...who's there to comfort seonghwa?
"I'll be good, just need to get back into the groove." he smiles, although it saddens yeosang and jongho when it doesn't reach his eyes. "please, please let me know how my baby is when he wakes up."
normally whenever any of his friends get mushy with seonghwa, the elder playfully pushes them away; but when he feels a small peck on his cheek, he embraces the comfort his friend gives him.
"your baby is in safe hands." jongho smiles at him- a genuine one. the pair share hopeful looks as they watch the elder head out of the front door.
-
"do you think we should wake him up? it's almost noon and he's still not up yet..." yeosang asks, twiddling his thumbs in nerves.
"I think we should." jongho replies absentmindedly, too busy absorbed on his phone.
yeosang stands up and places his phone on the cushion. "do you think he might be getting a cold?"
his boyfriend shrugs his shoulders at him to which the latter huffs- he doesn't know the answer himself, but he can't help but ask anyway.
upon making his way up the stairs, the sound of faint whimpers fill his ears which calms him a little knowing that at least hongjoong is awake.
"joongie, honey, it's okay-"
"-Y-YEOSANG!?"
a slight gasp of breath. a pause.
yeosang halts at the doorway when he sees poor hongjoong in the corner of the room curled in on himself. he looks absolutely terrified and merely seconds away from bursting into tears.
"I-I...I don't know what is going on...I want seonghwa home.... please."
yeosang felt like an idiot staring at hongjoong like a deer caught in headlights, but something was definitely wrong. why was hongjoong speaking in full sentences? what was making him so scared?
was...was hongjoong big?
"I...I...umm...JONGHOOOO!!!" he feels utterly stupid for just leaving hongjoong like that but... he's starting to panic a little himself. what the hell was going on!?
the urgency in yeosang's voice made jongho almost trip up the stairs at the speed he was rushing upward. when he sees yeosang standing in the hallway looking absolutely panicked, he grows concerned himself.
"what happened?! are you okay!? is hongjoong okay!? why is he crying? we need to-"
"-jong, wait, please" he doesn't like how fear is etched on his face but nonetheless tries to remain calm himself. "hongjoong is in utter panic right now." he grabs at his shirt to ground himself. "he's telling me he doesn't know what's happening, he's in the corner of the room crying, and he's speaking in full sentences. jongho, he's speaking in full sentences!"
"oh, shit" jongho's eyes bug out in surprise "do...do you think he's big? like his actual age?"
"i don't know! just go call hyung right now!" yeosang barks in slight annoyance. he doesn't mean to be rude, but he doesn't have time to answer all of his boyfriend's burning questions. "i'm gonna try to keep him somewhat calm..."
before yeosang can enter hongjoong and seonghwa's bedroom, he gets pulled back by his forearm. jongho is looking at him with his eyebrows raised in concern. he knows that the older is asking mentally if he's doing okay, but he's given a pretty vague response with just an insecure nod of the head. both of them know that right now hongjoong is the main concern.
"s-sangie?" a small nasally voice echoes in the bedroom. "yeo...sangie...scare' of me?"
his hyung gasps. he wants to run up to the younger to comfort him, but he stops midway, not wanting to cause stress to hongjoong in the slightest bit.
however, he ends up walking and stops right at the foot of the bed, giving hongjoong plenty of his own space. "n-no, joongie...i'm sorry if it seemed like i was..." it's hard to decipher which tone he should use to talk to him, so he tries to keep the interpretation open. "sangie just was caught off guard. we've never seen you like this before..."
yeosang goes to sit on the floor so he's at eye level with him. he figures standing would be a little intimidating. he needs to think of hongjoong's level of comfort before anything else. the kitten is sitting with his knees up to his chest, his blanket smushed between.
he's using the blanket as a makeshift tissue, but he peeks up at the older. his hyung's heart breaks at the sight of red puffy eyes pouring out tears and his little red nose. their sweet little baby joongie is in there and he's most likely scared out of his mind.
"jongie hyung is calling your seonghwa now, okay? he will be here very soon, i promise."
hongjoong lets out a small "okay" and continues to hide back in his blanket. yeosang feels admittedly awkward as normally if hongjoong were to be crying or upset he would just hold him with no second thinking, but this is new territory for the both of them. would hongjoong be accepting of affection if he only appears to be needing seonghwa in this moment?
"do you want sangie hyungie to hold you?"
he receives a shake of the head and remains silent, the only sound heard is his sniffling. yeosang respects his decision but continues to sit on the floor near the edge of the bed. in the silence of the room, he hears his phone buzz and stealthily pulls it out of his pocket while he's sitting down. it's an incoming text from jongho:
jongie ❤️:
hey
hyung said he's on his way now but to give him a few minutes.
me:
okay
how was he when you told him?
and what /did/ you even tell him?
jongie ❤️:
well, it was confusing to explain.
he said he couldn't talk cause he was in a meeting but once i told him it was about joong, i heard him ask to leave the room.
i just explained that hongjoong woke up not doing so good.
he was going to brush it off, but when i told him about the state you found him in...i don't know, yeo, he sounded like he was going to have a breakdown.
he just said to give him a few minutes and he'll be home and to just keep an eye on him if anything changes.
how is he doing by the way?
me:
well, he's been crying for seonghwa since i found him like this.
i'm sitting on the floor across from him cause he doesn't want me to hold him.
i'm worried, jong. he was talking in and out, like if he was regressed but also not?
jongie ❤️:
this is gonna be a lot for hyung to handle. we need to focus on hongjoong but also seonghwa.
if he ends up snapping, it's not directed towards any of us. we need to be there for both of them.
me:
yeah i guess you're right, then.
a sudden slam of the car door is heard making yeosang slightly flinch at the sound. his heart skips a beat when the front door opens and slams as well. he pockets his phone and stands up.
for some reason, he's feeling nervous with how seonghwa is going to respond. is he going to be mad at them? is he going to be mad at yeosang for not comforting his baby?
"is tha' ma....s-seonghwa?"
"yeah, baby" yeosang smiles a little sadly at the mishap "yeah, it's mama."
the hyung walks out into the hallway, moving towards the wall as he watches the way seonghwa throws his stuff onto the kitchen table and ran up the stairs. just as hongjoong was about to open his mouth, seonghwa appeared at the door frame looking quite frantic.
"oh hwa, thank goodness you're-"
"where's my baby, yeosang!?" said hyung was slightly taken aback by the sudden harsh tone seonghwa spoke to him in. in that moment, he thinks of what him and jongho were texting each other moments prior. seonghwa was already in a sensitive mindset from this morning, and now he's called home immediately due to hongjoong coming out of his regressed state for the first time? how else is he supposed to react?
"m...m...'wa?" hongjoong barely gets out, the blanket covering his mouth preventing him from talking clear.
the elder gasped, feeling tears pricking slowly "ho...hongjoong?" however, he put his initial shock beside and ran up to his baby to hold him in his arms. "I'm here now, honey, seonghwa's here, baby."
it was definitely an emotional moment between the two. seonghwa walked over with his arms open; normally he would run into the awaiting arms, but hongjoong feels too scared to even get up. he looks up at seonghwa with a wobbling lip as he held his arms up.
seonghwa immediately understood and sat on the floor right next to hongjoong. he somewhat struggled as he had to twist his body to lift him up and place him in his lap but he managed to successfully do it.
it pained seonghwa's heart that his baby was crying quite hard to the point where he was struggling to breathe. he was shaking in the elder's arms crying out repeatedly that he's so sorry and that he's scared.
seonghwa clutches his baby so tight to his chest, hongjoong doing the same. yeosang decided to leave the room to give the pair some privacy. that was a private moment that he shouldn't intrude or interrupt.
-
"how are they?"
yeosang sighed. he gently tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear, not making eye contact with his boyfriend. "they have each other now, they should be okay..."
"and how are you?"
"what do you mean by that? i'm good-"
jongho shakes his head slowly "no, baby, i mean..." he goes to hold his hand in his "are you okay? i know it probably wasn't easy to see him like that and refusing anyone but hwa hyung..."
yeosang finally looks up at his boyfriend, not saying a word but the sight of his lower lip wobbling is all the answer jongho needs before he engulfs him in a tight hug. "it's just...i don't know..." he pulls away to wipe at his teary eyes. "it was scary to see him like that. not knowing what's happening or even why it's happening. i just feel..."
"scared?"
yeosang nods, retrieving back to the warmth of jongho's arms.
"what do you wanna do now?"
the elder hyung just sighs for a moment. "right now? i just need to go see my little babies..." yeosang's voice was a little nasally from the crying. jongho places a soft kiss on his forehead and pulls away to go grab their backpack.
"i'll go text hyung that we're gonna leave, i don't think it'd be a good idea for us to go and disrupt them." yeosang just nods, holding onto jongho's bicep. he glances up in the direction of their bedroom and just hopes that everything will be okay for both of their loved ones.
--------
"'wa...?"
"yes, my love?"
"a-are...are you ma' at me?"
"park hongjoong..." seonghwa goes to sit with him back on the floor of the bedroom. no matter what, he'll always go at hongjoong's pace. "what makes you think that I am mad at you?"
he watches the way the younger fiddles with the fabric of his blanket, trying to subtly wipe his tears with it. but instead of getting an answer, hongjoong looks up at him with tears in his eyes and his lower lip wobbling.
"oh, baby, come here." hongjoong throws himself into his arms before he even gets the chance to open them. "we don't have to talk about it right now, we can just sit here. it's just you and me, my honeybear."
"I-I don't know...what's h-happening..." hongjoong fully sobs into seonghwa's neck. it pains him to not understand the situation...he can't describe how much it hurts to hear hongjoong cry his heart out.
he also feels guilty for the way he talked rudely when all he was doing was trying to help his baby. "it's okay, baby, we're going to figure this out." he kisses his forehead over and over again "you aren't alone anymore, remember?"
he nods, hastily wiping his nose on seonghwa's shirt. "I m-made hyung mad at me...he was scare' of me."
the elder sighs, swooping any lose strands of hair to cup one side of his face. "hongjoong, baby, he's not mad at you...to be honest, he was probably just in shock. we've never seen you like this before..."
"do you..." he looks down and fiddles with his thumbs "not want me anymore?"
"and why would my sweet dear say that?"
"well...look at me!" hongjoong pushes seonghwa's arms off of him, which he tries to ignore the hurt expression on the elder, and abruptly stands up. "I'm just a messed up hybrid who was left for dead by his own mother! she didn't even want me once my dad left!"
seonghwa watches carefully at the way hongjoong begins to pace around the bedroom, tugging a little too hard on his ear for his liking. he doesn't try to comfort right now, he sits and let's hongjoong get whatever is burdening him off his chest. he figures that now he has the vocabulary to do so, who is he to silence him?
"I tried so hard to do whatever just to get her to tolerate me...her own son! all the bruises and marks she left on me...why didn't she want me?! why was my mommy so mean to me?! WHY DOES SHE HATE ME!?"
out of frustration, he grabbed at his hair sliding against the wall. but he must've grabbed too hard because he ends up whining when he rubs at his scalp.
seonghwa feels tears forming in his eyes as he swiftly moves from his spot on the floor and scoots over to hold his baby. hongjoong buries himself in his arms, sobbing out in despair. the way he's crying...it strikes a nerve for seonghwa.
and before he knows it, he's shedding a few tears along with the younger. he empathizes with hongjoong- feels his pain, his heartbreak, his anxiety of how his life was prior to seonghwa rescuing him.
the elder holds him close to his chest, softly stroking his hair between his cat ears; knowing that the little gesture always soothes him down. it pains him, but seonghwa has no choice but to just hold him and listen to him cry his heart out.
"everything was s-so bad...living in the alleyway and then ending up in those shelters. but you," he makes eye contact with the elder, both of their eyes red and puffy from the crying. "you made everything all better...you took me home when you could have just left me there to rot-"
"-honey, don't ever say that...I don't want you to think like that-"
"-but it's true!" hongjoong raises his voice "you really saved me, and gave me another chance. you helped me relearn everything...why didn't you just leave me there!? why did you want to help me?!"
seonghwa is taken back by the question. since having the hybrid in his care, he has never been asked that question before. he's always been told what a beautiful thing he's done...but he's never been asked as to why he did it.
he looks up at the ceiling momentarily to blink his growing tears away. for a moment he's quiet and reaches silently for hongjoong's hand. the younger glances at the dark numbers inked onto his forearm. the numbers of the two dates that hold so much meaning to seonghwa. he lightly traces over the numbers with his thumb.
"I think the one that means the most to me is the day I found you." seonghwa smiles to himself, pointing at the first date he got inked on his arm. "I remember when I first brought you home, you were so scared to be left alone but you didn't really know me well enough, so you followed me around the house. or the time where I gave you your first bath here, you were in tears cause you thought the drain was going to suck you in."
his lips stayed curled in a warm smile.
"but I'll never forget when I fed you from a bottle, the way you looked at me with your shining big eyes. in that moment, I knew that it was the start of a new life for the both of us."
hongjoong looks up curiously, he feels tears yet again form when he sees the elder's eyes sparkle with the same emotion. "I was in such a dark place before I met you, I had no motivation, no drive to achieve anything. It was like I was on autopilot everyday. your hyung's tried so hard to help but I pushed them all away. your grandparents tried as well, but I just felt like I was burdening them all." the younger paws at the elder's tears, his cat ears are pressed down in concern.
"but that all changed the moment I found you in the alleyway. you've given me a purpose in my life. raising you as my own child, my sweet little baby. everyday you continue to amaze me. I really mean it when I always tell you that you're a blessing in my life, joong."
the younger let his tears fall instead of trying to subtly wipe them away. his lower lip was wobbling as if he was shivering, his breath picking up in small huffs. "oh, my sweet baby, come here, love."
the kitten lunged into his arms, his favorite place in the whole world. simply just by being in seonghwa's hold, he feels so loved and protected. this time it isn't the silent crying that seonghwa is used to, it's the loud wailing almost as if he's in physical pain.
seonghwa holds him close, wrapping his arms around him as if to shield him from harm. "let it all out, baby, I know this is a little scary and new. I'm right here with you, my star."
just his voice alone drips with nurture and love- it has hongjoong practically choking on sobs as he tries to speak but gets cut off by another wail. he gets cut off by a sudden yawn and nuzzles further in the warmth.
"just breathe with me." seonghwa instructs, "oh my poor baby, I know, I know. you just take your time, honeybear."
being called all the nicknames he normally would call him makes a new wave of tears begin to form; it makes hongjoong feel as if seonghwa really does love and care for him no matter what.
it also makes him scared.
"w-what if one day you...you wake up and decide you don't want me anymore and that you're tired of taking care of me and then I-I'll be alone and won't have anywhere to go or anyone to go to and I'll be scared b-because I don't want you to leave me, I don't want you to go."
he gets cut off by a simple peck on his temple, small hushes whispered in his ear. "I will always be here, and I will always love you with my whole heart and soul. you're my lovely little forever baby, and I will always be here to remind you. I told you once before...hongjoong, I will never leave or abandon you."
hongjoong doesn't respond, instead just buries his head in seonghwa's neck to muffle his sobs. the elder slightly reaches over rather awkwardly to barely grasp the tip of his blanket and successfully manages to wrap it around the younger's shaking frame.
"I know you must have been holding this all in, you take as long as you need. mama will be right here, forever."
the slightest nickname of his parental status brings yet another wave of tears to the kitten's eyes. he knows how much that name means to the elder as well as himself.
all he's wanted was a family, a loving parent figure- and he's grateful that he's gained both of them since seonghwa took him in and raised him.
the only sound heard besides hongjoong's muffled sobs is the pouring rain blinding the view from outside. small rumbles of thunder can be faintly heard if you focus enough, which makes the younger slightly flinch.
a sudden ding! from seonghwa's phone goes off in the silent room- in fact he's heard the ding multiple times but comforting his baby is far more important than checking his phone.
"let's get dressed in pajamas and then we'll take a little nap together, okay? I'll be here when you wake up." he talks a little bit louder to cover up the sound of thunder progressively growing in volume.
no matter how many times hongjoong claims he can easily dress himself, seonghwa shushes him and let's him do it.
"would you like to nap up here or in the living room?"
the younger sleepily rubs at his eye, pointing to the closed door. but before seonghwa wraps his hand around the doorknob, hongjoong tugs at his extended arm's sleeve. "is everything okay, my dear?"
the younger just sniffled before shyly lifting his hands up. "can-can...you hold me?"
the elder smiles brightly "of course, my sweet love. anything for you."
it feels second nature for hongjoong to be held and placed on seonghwa's hip. he holds tightly on his blanket and he nuzzles against the fabric. the younger gets momentarily placed on the couch as he watches seonghwa get some blankets from their little storage bin by the coffee table.
the kitten yawns for a moment. that's the most either of them have cried and quite frankly- it was very tiring to be so emotionally raw with each other. but also brought a new light. out of nowhere does a loud rumble of thunder and bright flash of lightning light up the house, causing hongjoong's eyes to widen in fear and once again his eyes pool with tears.
"oh, my sweet little baby, i know~" seonghwa coos as he watches hongjoong stumble over his blanket and waddles towards the elder's lap- just like when he's regressed. some habits never die out.
he would have put the fireplace on, but ultimately decided not to especially during the nasty storm. "I know you're not a fan of thunderstorms, my love, but just like how you feel- this will all pass."
"had a ba' nightmare..."
seonghwa smoothes his hair down fainting humming a small "mhm."
"I dreamt that my mother found me, and she was trying so hard to take me away from you. It scared me so much, that I'm sorry if it scared you seeing me like that..."
seonghwa flashed a sad smile, smoothing his down once more. "I'm honestly not sure if you remember this, but when you were first with me, you were having some really bad nightmares- like, really bad. you refused to eat anything or even drink from your bottle, you were terrified of me leaving for work, and even your san and yunho hyung had to call me to leave work early because you were inconsolable the moment I left."
hongjoong continued to stroke the dark ink on his forearm while he was still speaking. "I was at my wits end and really had no idea what to do...until your doctor suggested a therapist, which was an eventful day on it's own. you wanted me to carry you and grew scared if I even tried to put you down.
at the end of the session, you and I sat with each other, and I explained to you that it's okay to think about what happened, and it's okay to feel sad when you think about it. it was not acceptable what she did to you, but I want you to understand that it's all in the past now, and she can no longer harm you."
hongjoong stops his thumb mid stroke and takes a moment to process what they were discussing. he's held in all of these feelings buried within him that it never once saw the light of day. him having that nightmare ultimately make him break, shedding some light in the darkness.
he always hears it when he's regressed but hearing seonghwa tell him that he'll never abandon him really felt like a rainbow shining after a nasty storm. they both helped each other in ways that they will forever be grateful for.
"she's not coming to get me." hongjoong stated instead of asked.
"no." seonghwa replied.
"and you'll be here for me?"
"yes."
"even when we're old?"
"of course."
"but what about when-"
the elder cupped his face, making sure he's making direct eye contact. "-I will always be here for you, hongjoong, and yes, I'm unsure of what the future holds, but just know that in this moment, I will always be here for you. I was there for you then and I'm here for you now."
it's evident that this topic has been looming somewhere in his mind and has never been dug up, the constant reassurance set in hongjoong's brain that seonghwa will never abandon him. he lets out a shaky breath and leans against his chest wrapping his arms around his stomach. his cat ears have been pressed down the whole time and just now have they been relaxed up.
"how about we have some lunch, hm? are you feeling hungry or thirsty?"
the younger yawned, shrugging at his shoulders. he felt too many emotions all crashing at once that he wasn't really sure what to do next. he can't recall the last time he felt like this...
he feels out of the loop and spaced out a little...does he feel big? does he feel younger? he's not really sure, and quite frankly, it's scaring him a lot.
he subconsciously places his fingers in his mouth, eyes tearing up when he looks around and doesn't see seonghwa anywhere near him.
'oh no....' he starts thinking 'where did he go!? he...he left me?! b-but...he promised-'
"-hongjoong...hongjoong, my love, I'm right here. open your eyes and you'll see I'm right in front of you."
he doesn't even remember closing his eyes, or more likely screwing them shut. he's just afraid....he's so afraid of everything that's happening and he's not sure what caused this but he knows for a fact that he hates it so much.
"I'm right here, look" he feels seonghwa placing his hand into his own and rubs his thumb for comfort "that's me holding your hand, and if you open your eyes, you'll see me right here."
hongjoong sniffles as he hesitantly opens one eye as if he's peaking. true to the elders' words, there's seonghwa with a warm smile holding his hand in a gentle manner. "here I am, baby, mama is right here."
hongjoong's lower lip wobbles as he lunges into seonghwa's arms. "right now, you're safe, my baby."
the elder holds onto hongjoong just as tightly as the ladder is holding onto him. he's not sure what exactly hongjoong is thinking of, more so what is really on his mind. he knows for a fact that he's definitely feeling overwhelmed from the way he's trying to hold in his cries.
"it's just you and me here, honey, you're safe." he presses a soft kiss to his temple letting his lips linger on his forehead. "just let it all out, hwa always tells you your feelings are important, go ahead baby."
it's almost as if he was desperately waiting for seonghwa's approval because the minute he reassured him, the kitten let out the most heart breaking sobs.
seonghwa couldn't do anything other than hold his baby impossibly closer, nuzzling his face into his shoulder.
he doesn't pay attention to the faint scratch marks on his arm that will develop over time; he'll just wear a sweater or long sleeve shirt, the last thing he wants is for hongjoong to feel bad about is leaving scratches on his hwa's arm.
he glances outside by the sliding door leading to the backyard. luckily the thunder stopped, but the heavy haze of rain continued to pour.
it was still relatively early in the afternoon, but due to the storm, it felt like it was getting late from the dark gloomy clouds.
hongjoong has managed to calm down, his hiccuped sobs simmered into faint sniffles, chewing on the corner of his blanket. it hurts him to see his baby in any kind of pain, but this time...this time it feels like he's experiencing this hurt, too.
"are you still with me, baby?" he asks quietly, holding him as he walks around the living room. he passes by one of the lamps on the end tables and flicks it on, he was not expecting it to get this dark so early in the afternoon.
he didn't receive a verbal answer, but he felt the younger nod his head that was leaning on his shoulder, hiding in the crook of his neck.
"I'm right here with you, my sweet baby, I'm always going to be right here with you, don't ever forget that."
hongjoong slightly leaned upright- seeing his red and blotchy face made seonghwa's heart ache. he wipes at his eyes to stop the tears, but the more he continues to wipe, the more flow down his cheek.
his body occasionally jolts from all the crying he has done which makes the elder feel possibly even more protective of him. he makes his way over back to the couch and reaches for his sippy cup, "baby, would you like to have some water?"
hongjoong nods as he tries to grasp onto the plastic cup but whines a little as he doesn't have the energy to hold his cup; que seonghwa who has no problem holding him close and helping him drink the water as if he were bottle feeding.
"there you go, my honey bear, just take your time." seonghwa encourages, watching the way the younger clings onto his arm as he drinks some water.
hongjoong can slowly feel that worry ease down when seonghwa helped with the simple things such as picking up his cup for him; he placed his hands over the elder's for the reassurance that seonghwa will always be there to help him.
"do you want to eat something? are you feeling hungry?"
"y-yeah...maybe...i-i don't really know?" he can see the growing worry make its way apparent on joong's face again. "am I supposed to feel hungry? when did I eat last? was it when my hyungies were m...mad at me? hwa...don't want my hyungies mad at me-"
hongjoong felt like his heart was racing a mile a minute. he wasn't thinking clearly; that moment yeosang came upstairs to check on him and found him like this...he mistook yeosang's shock for anger...disappointment. he could feel his heart begin to hurt at just there thought of anyone (especially his hyungs) mad or annoyed with him.
that's not what family is for...they are supposed to love and laugh with you and play games when you're bored and read books with you and take you to see new things such as animals at the zoo or to the mall or to the beach. family is supposed to protect you from harm or from people who don't really understand what a hybrid is.
most importantly- they are never supposed to bead at you. and hongjoong can't handle the mere thought of yeosang or anyone he loves being mad at him.
"m...mama...sangie hyungie is mad at me....an' an' jongie hyungie..." he let out a loud sob as he threw himself into seonghwa's arms once again.
seonghwa could only hold his baby desperately close as he rocked him slightly side to side. "oh my hongjoong, my sweet, lovely baby. I promise that your sangie and jongie are not mad at you, they have no reason to be mad."
he pulled away slightly to lift up the younger's chin, looking into his red puffy eyes hurt but he needed to remain strong for the both of them. "I want you to understand that what is happening right now is not your fault and that your hyungs are not mad at you. your family is not mad at you and more importantly I am not mad at you."
"b-but...but you were...s'ared..."
seonghwa flashes a sad smile "I'm not going to lie to you, the situation was scary, but I will never be scared of you. what you are feeling now- whether it's anxious, sad, hurt, mad, scared, annoyed- it is all valid and it is important. I wish for you to understand that no one is mad at you for what is happening."
he looks into hongjoong's eyes that appear to be growing watery by the second. he holds him close in his arms as he carries him out into the kitchen.
instead of prepping a meal for the two of them, seonghwa decides on just giving him a warm bottle of milk to suffice. he took note of the way that hongjoong had a hard time gripping onto the cup of water he was given and how comfortable he looked when he was being fed.
"I'm gonna put you down for just a short second, okay?" seonghwa smooths down his hair for reassurance "and then I'm going to hold you again, okay?"
clearly that wasn't the best option because once hongjoong felt seonghwa's arm become lose in his hold, he whimpered as he clutched on possibly tighter. seonghwa slid his arms back and placed a few slow kisses on his forehead.
"okay okay, I hear you. mama hears you, baby. I won't let you go, okay?"
he received a huff of breath and can feel the kitten nuzzle his cheek into his shoulder. it looks like it's done absent-mindedly, so he doesn't stop him even when his hair tickles his chin.
he decided to just carry hongjoong wherever he went around the kitchen- even if his arms were starting to ache (only a little). as he begins to pour milk and a tiny drop of honey into one of his spare bottles, he faintly hears sniffles and the sound of the once heavy rain beginning to lighten up slowly. "look, baby, the storm is almost passing."
he can feel the kitten shift his head slightly onto his shoulder, taking in a shaky breath of air from being hidden in seonghwa's chest the whole time.
through his blurry vision, he can make out the faint haze of green trees and grass of the window he's looking through. some of the flowers dance along the rain drops fading out little by little.
once he was finished preparing and warming the bottle, he made his way over into the living room; remembering when hongjoong briefly told him he wanted to nap downstairs.
it wasn't too cold but he knows hongjoong prefers to be wrapped in his blanket for comfort, so once he settled in the cushion, he wrapped him up in his blanket and petted in-between his cat ears for a moment.
"do you want me to help you drink from the bottle?"
hongjoong looks at him with wide eyes, unsure of what he's supposed to answer. "I...I...-"
"it's okay" the elder reassures with a kiss on his forehead "mama is going to help you, okay?"
the kitten nods before pawing away tears at his eyes. when seonghwa begins to feed him, he feels hongjoong sink into the comfort, a literal saying of "feeling the weight fall off your shoulders." he definitely misses the closeness of bottle feeding, how close it made him feel and how he can be at ease knowing that his baby is safe in his arms.
"i love you so much, my darling baby" he whispers as he leans forward to press his lips on his forehead once again. "i always have and i always will."
when he was finished, he placed the empty bottle on the end table near the couch and held the kitten in his arms once more. "are you here with me, my star?"
"mmhmm"
"i love you, my baby joongie"
"i...i...y'ove you, too"
he could tell by the look on hongjoong's face that he still look confused as he shook his head and turned around in seonghwa's arms. "it's okay, hongjoong, it's just me here with you. you don't need to be afraid when i'm here with you." he rubs slow circles into his back and sinks further into the couch. their schedule definitely got sidetracked- of course, no one's fault.
it's midafternoon by the time he can feel hongjoong smushed against him and relaxed. he felt a small strain on his neck and lower back when he leaned over and heard the kitten's breathing slow and steady. he had his tail wrapped around his hand the whole now, just now being let go and gripping on to seonghwa's hand. occasionally, his ears will twitch and so will his free hand, but seonghwa leaves him be.
he knows that hongjoong had a difficult day, and he certainly can't even begin to imagine how he felt when he woke up this morning out of his usual regressed state.
he very carefully strokes at a few strands of hair and enjoys this moment with his sweet baby. he knows he's safe right here, right now, in his arms that he can relax himself and sink into the couch.
his phone dinged! again, but due to it being right on the coffee table it was louder than expected. he was cautious that the slight sound would wake him up, but he's thanking all of his stars that it didn't.
he barely leans over to reach it and when he taps the screen on, he sees he has a few messages from jongho and one from yeosang.
crap.
he was so focused on hongjoong, he totally forgot about jongho and yeosang watching after him. they didn't say goodbye, but after he came home and went with joong, he knew they must have left due to a car engine beginning to rumble.
he smiles at the picture on his lockscreen- a recent picture of hongjoong when the both of them were in the backyard.
-
seonghwa was fixing up his little garden from the previous cold and chilly months that the first day of warm weather he gathered all of his gardening supplies he dug out from the shed.
he started go pluck at all the weeds and mixed the dirt around. just as he was going to ask joong if he wanted to help, he saw him looking at one of the little flowers beginning to bloom- a small purple one.
immediately he took off his gloves and grabbed his phone to take a quick picture. just the way hongjoong was smiling at the small flower, his tail was swaying contently and he heard faint purrs.
"baby, is that a little flower?"
"uh huh! mama fa'yite co'yor!"
(sure enough, hongjoong always remembers that seonghwa loves the color purple)
him being so enamored by the little flower brought so much joy to seonghwa, as the little things seem to capture hongjoong's attention, and he's very appreciative of that.
once he snapped a few more pictures, he placed his phone back in the shadey area on the grass and layer himself on his stomach to join the kitten as the pair stared at the little flower growing in the weeds.
as the elder basked in the comfort of his baby, he smiled as the flower almost held some kind of meaning to him..
he felt like it resembled a new beginning as time goes on. j ust like how hongjoong has brought a new ray of hope into his life.
-
he opened his messages to see what his friends sent him.
jongho:
hey hyung, hope joong is okay
and especially you as well. please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
yeo was a little shaken up so we decided to leave to give you two some privacy.
yeosang:
hey hyung, thinking of you ❤️
how are you and the baby doing? I miss him (and ofc you) so please let me know whenever you're available for company! ❤️
seonghwa smiles as he reacts with a heart to the messages so they know he saw it and decides to text them in a group chat.
yeosang, jongho, seonghwa:
seonghwa:
hey guys I thought it would be easier to text in a gc instead of separate messaging.
I appreciate all you've done to try and soothe my baby and right now he's asleep on top of me.
I know seeing joong like that must've been a little scary, but regardless of what happened, I appreciate you staying with him until I got there.
when he wakes up, I'll let you know how he is and what's going on from there, okay? and then we can discuss plans of another visit!
yeosang:
oh thank goodness he's okay 😭 I was really worried. we've never seen him all panicked and scared like that before.
yes please keep us updated!
jongho:
we love you and hongjoong so very much ❤️
seonghwa:
❤️❤️❤️
the elder smiles as he shuts his phone off. he's so thankful that he has friends so generous and caring. he takes a deep breath, or as much as hongjoong's sleeping form will let him.
he places his hand flat on hongjoong's back and gets himself comfortable. seonghwa knows that if he moves in the slightest bit, hongjoong would manage to wake up and he knows for a fact that will not end well.
but instead of feeling nervous, he smiles a little. 'the sacrifices parents make for their children' he thinks to himself. before closing his eyes, he checks his phone for the time. 6:38 p.m.
and seonghwa is lulled to sleep by the comfort of his baby safely near him.
--------
hongjoong woke up with a small dull pain on the side of his head. he knows what that means and he's never been a fan of them. seonghwa always told him that headaches go away after a while, but he doesn't like it either way.
he tries to ignore it and takes notice of the sun warmly shining through the windows of the living room. it looks almost magical like right out of a fairy tale book with the way the sun's rays are bouncing off the wooden flooring and seeping through the curtains. through the screen of the windows, he can see clumps of raindrops collected.
he slowly blinks his eyes as he becomes aware of his surroundings little by little. he feels a warm pressure from under him and when he looks over, he purrs with delight. it's just his mama!
he nuzzles against his cheek and even gives tiny kitten licks to his nose. the pain he's feeling in his head is momentarily forgotten as he looks at his mama so peacefully sleeping...well, at least for now.
"mama...mama! wa'e up, mama!" joong gently taps on seonghwa's shoulder, but then the gentle tap turns a little more persistent. in a matter of seconds, seonghwa's eyes open and blink repeatedly to get a baring of his surroundings. once he sees hongjoong awake and sitting up, he does the same as well.
"mama awa'e!"
seonghwa smiled sleepily at the younger before engulfing him in a bear hug. he heard a little "oof!" as he took his baby in his arms, but it wasn't brought up. he's feeling relieved he's seeing his baby happy again. but at the same time he's feeling a little dread- he can't simply ignore the events that took place just mere hours ago.
"hongjoong, my dear?"
"mhm?"
"what's your name?"
he saw the kitten smile, giggling into his little hand. "si'y mama! my na'e is joon'ie!"
"good job, baby...do you remember what happened yesterday?"
hongjoong's warm smile slowly faded as he sheepishly nodded. the once happy kitten now is replaced with a shy and almost embarrassed one. "joon'ie bi' boy...sangie an'...an' jongie..."
he maneuvers hongjoong so he's sitting in-between his legs and makes him face him directly. "joongie...you remember being a big boy?"
the kitten nods slowly " s'ary, mama..."
"what made it scary for you, honey?"
hongjoong sighs and looks down, suddenly gaining interest in the fabric of his blanket. he sees his bottle in the corner of the couch and looks up at seonghwa with round eyes. "fel' s'ary...ba' d'yeam...wan' my mama an' no' ol' mommy.'
"your...old mommy?"
"no' ni'e...wan' my mama." joong points at seonghwa's chest before colliding into his arms. seonghwa will never deny his baby of comfort and goes to wrap his arms around him and sways the both of them softly.
"baby, you can rest assured that mama will always be here, okay? you are my son and no one is going to take you from my arms."
seonghwa held him close in his arms and the pair just sat in almost silence- minus the sound of loud chirping from birds and an occasional car passing by.
the heavy rain from yesterday creates big puddles on the roads that whenever a car passes by, it creates a big splash on the sidewalk.
"mama?"
"yes, my star?"
"i y'ove my mommy"
seonghwa pulls him away just a tiny bit and looks in joong's eyes. they were slightly puffy from before and a little red, but seonghwa smiled softly as he looked right into his eyes. "baby, mama loves you so so sooooo much, and don't ever forget it, okay?"
the kitten sniffles and pulls his hand out from under his blanket and holds out his pinky. "p'omise?"
seonghwa smiles, hooking his pinky around the younger's finger "pinky promise"
--------
"oh, look who's here! hello my sweet dearie, i've missed you so much!" hongjoong is pulled into a bear hug by none other than his yeosang hyung. he gets twirled around in the air before being gently placed back down.
he hasn't seen his sangie or any of his hyungs since that day, and quite frankly, he's missed them a lot.
what seonghwa feels at ease with is the fact that hongjoong remembers what happened before and during that day, it makes him feel as if he's becoming familiar with his emotions and is growing self-aware.
but before he made dates to visit his yeosang hyung (which also eased seonghwa's mind- due to him being wary and nervous that day, too) he needed to make sure hongjoong was doing okay first. the last thing he would ever want is to make his son feel overwhelmed and anxious.
so they took it slow- waking up at his pace, eating breakfast, playing with his mama or helping him in the backyard, have his lunch, take his nap, have a little snack, go play or help his mama some more, eat dinner, have his bath, and then go to bed for the night.
he's noticed hongjoong beginning to talk about his 'old mommy' more openly, whether it's a sentence or just word. and occasionally there will be a tear or two, but hongjoong more than likely moves on from it.
so after a few days to regroup and go at his pace, he wanted joong to visit his hyung; more so likely to give yeosang the comfort that hongjoong is okay and safe.
but when he was greeted by yeosang, he squealed with excitement as he looked in the living room-
"hey, there's joongie!"
"there's the little baby!"
"joongs! we've missed you!"
he was not expecting to see all of his hyungs casually sitting in the living room! he didn't know what to do so he excitedly jumped in his spot and giggled in his hands.
"my 'yungies! mama, my 'yungies!" joong runs up to the first hyung that came up to him first (besides being bombarded by yeosang), and gets picked picked and carried by san.
yunho is the next to pick him up and shower him with little kisses. mingi joins in and the kitten finds himself sandwiched in between his tall hyungs.
yeosang tells seonghwa that they told everyone what happened yesterday with joong and so everyone seems to be rather joyful that he's feeling much better.
but seonghwa gently taps yeosang on the shoulder and nods towards the hallway. he kisses the little kitten he was holding in his hand and placed her down, watching her make her way faster towards jongho.
"hey," seonghwa starts, closing their bedroom door. "I just wanna say thank you for helping with joong yesterday...jongho told me that you were a little shaken up by what happened and I don't blame you guys for wanting to leave."
yeosang sighs and goes to sit on the edge of the bed. "I-it was just so scary to see him like that...like we've seen him upset and cry before but...I don't know..." he says, taking a shaky breath before being plunged into seonghwa's arms.
"I understand, sangie." seonghwa rubs his back for comfort. "It's okay, joongie is okay now. and surpringly, he woke up in a great mood."
"how was he for the rest of the night?"
that's when seonghwa sighs himself. outside in the living room, he can hear joong laughing and squealing with excitement. "It was like he was in his younger and older mindset at the same time, it was hard to see him visibly stressed about the whole thing."
yeosang reaches over to grab a few tissues and helps wipes seonghwa's tears- which the elder didn't even realize he was crying until then.
"It's okay, hyung" yeosang quietly says, gasping slightly when he feels seonghwa throw himself in his arms.
he tries his best not to cry out too loudly, in case of hongjoong hearing and getting upset. but yeosang reassures him, "you tell joongie all the time that it's okay to cry, so now we're going to tell you the same thing."
seonghwa cringes as he lifts his head and sees a small snot stain on his friend's shoulder. "m-my...baby...my baby was hurting and I didn't even know what to do."
"and it's okay, my dear." yeosang says, holding his friend close to him. "that's just how life is...it's okay to not know what to do." he lifts his face with both hands, heart hurting at seeing his elder hyung with tear stains down his cheek and his eyes all red and puffy.
"you are the greatest person for hongjoong to have as a parent. he has changed so much since the first day we met him, and that's all thanks to you."
seonghwa just sighed, face still mushed together. "thanks, sang."
but instead of returning the compliment, yeosang just shakes his head. "no, hyung, I really mean it. you really changed his life."
yeosang let go of his face gently and handed him a tissue instead. it hurt seeing someone so composed and strong cry their heart out right in front of you. but in a way, yeosang feels fortunate that seonghwa trusts him enough to see him like this.
the elder wiped away at his tears, fiddling with the tissue and folding it over and over again absent-mindedly. "you know...he even asked me why I helped him...like, why didn't I just leave him there."
yeosang sat in silence, he respected his hyung to just sit there and let him speak his mind.
"I told him about...how I was before I met him and just how it was difficult to even go to work on some days." he feels his eyes tearing up just talking about that fateful day "but that all changed when I first laid eyes on him. just something in my heart told me I can't let him go back. I wouldn't live with myself knowing I brought him to the hospital only to let him go back in the streets and then myself go back to my warm house."
seonghwa leaned on his friend's shoulder and wiped at his flowing tears. "I just...I love hongjoong so much, he means the whole entire world to me."
"I know you do," yeosang starts "there's not a part of me that doubts you don't love joong."
"can I ask you something?"
"yes, of course."
"what made you want to take those kittens from us?"
yeosang smiles. he told jongho before to keep the three kittens occupied while him and seonghwa were talking, so his heart also warms when he hears tiny meows and hongjoong shouting over his hyungs. they must be playing some kind of game, and judging from the way san is screaming, it's definitely a card game.
"I think some part of me just wanted to have something to care for...I mean you have joong. sometimes yun and min babysit his little cousins, wooyoung as well. it made me think 'well what about me?' "
"-oh yeosang, don't say th-"
"-but it's true!" his friend argues, but no malice behind it. he can understand and relate to that feeling himself.
seonghwa leans over to wrap his arms around him tightly, rubbing his back in small circles. "I think in the end, our babies are the ones who lucked out with having us as their parents."
"thank you, hyung...for everything."
the elder pulls away, a warm smile etched on his face. "and thank you, my sweet yeosang."
a sudden knock on the door interrupts their moment, causing both of them to flinch. there's also muffled voices that follow right behind.
"joongs, mama and sangie are talking in private." they can recognize san' voice on the other side.
"bu' I wan' my mama, p'ease?"
the two parents look at each other before snorting with laughter. seonghwa stands up and looks over to yeosang, who smiles and nods at him to open the door.
the second it's open, he's met with hongjoong right in his arms and loud purrs in his ears. "well, hello my little baby"
the kitten giggles and nuzzles into his stomach. "hi mama!"
he seems to occupied by his mama that he didn't notice yeosang get up and leave the bedroom. a quick kiss on the cheek is left by him for seonghwa.
the elder lifts the younger onto his hip as they exit the bedroom and walk right into the living room. sure enough, from the loud shouts before, he can see san and mingi play some card game. wooyoung leans over to 'help' (more so help san win). yunho is seen doing the same with mingi.
jongho is sat with one of the kittens on his lap, brushing her fur. he sees it's stormy laying in a starfish position as she let's out purrs to let jongho brush the fur on her belly.
yeosang squeals as moon runs up to him and nuzzles against his leg, she's placed in his hands and given all of yeosang's attention.
seonghwa looks over at joong and sees his eyes light up in delight. he's smiling as he nuzzles against his mama.
in this moment, everything feels at ease. both seonghwa and hongjoong feel comfortable when they're with each other, but once they're together with his hyungs, it's complete like a puzzle.
hongjoong feels safe knowing that everyone he loves (unfortunately not his grandparents) are here with him.
it was scary what happened before, but he's not feeling afraid anymore. because he knows seonghwa will truly never leave and abandon him.
"what are you thinking about, my baby?"
"I y'ove my 'yungies...an' g'an'ma an' g'an'pa...an' my mama!"
"I love you, too. so much my forever baby."
hongjoong keens at the affection he's received of multiple kisses to his cheek and forehead. "my mama! my for'yeber mommy!"
"I'll always be your mommy, forever, hongjoong."