Chapter Text
The first time Chris experienced his soul mark, it was a month after his 18th birthday.
When he turned 18 and nothing changed, he hadn’t been that worried. He did wonder if maybe he had to wait for his soulmate to turn 18 for his soul mark to develop (like with teleporting or shared dreams), or perhaps his soul mark wouldn’t be known until he met his soulmate (like with body glow, or touch marks). He even considered, for a brief moment of weakness early in the morning the day after his close friend decided to leave the company, that maybe he didn’t have a soulmate.
Maybe he was always meant to be alone.
But then he was waking up to a rush of emotions so intense it left him gasping, a sense of excitement and disbelief that he didn’t understand. And then he realized those weren’t his feelings.
And after that moment, he found himself getting very good at discerning his own feelings from those of his soulmate. The disgust in the middle of lunch when he was eating his favorite food, the burst of energy in the middle of an all-nighter, the sense of confusion as he walked down the street. He also got very good at understanding his own emotions in an attempt to understand those of his soulmate.
Chris loved the excitement, the amusement, the love that would rush through him randomly throughout his life. He didn’t like the negative emotions as much.
Anger was a feeling he was very familiar with. When his soulmate was angry, it was usually mixed with disappointment or hurt, the kind of feeling that made him feel like he was going to cry from how intense it was. His own anger was a lot dryer, harsh and hot that made him want to scream. He wasn’t sure whose anger he preferred.
Annoyance was common for a period of time, something in his soulmate’s life giving them frequent flashes of being annoyed. Thankfully, that one became less and less common, to the point that it only came around every once in a while in a way that was much more expected in the average person’s life.
But the worst was the sadness. It was horrible knowing that his soulmate was out there, suffering through a horrible sense of helplessness, overwhelmed or alone, and knowing that he couldn’t help them. Chris hated it, sitting there unable to do nothing more than just feel the feelings with them. If he was lucky, he would get the sadness in the middle of the night where he could process them. If he was unlucky, it would hit him during the day, where he had to pretend he was okay, even when the pressure in his chest made it hard to breathe, because there was nothing he could do, and he couldn’t afford to end practice just because of it.
When he debuted, things got harder before they got better.
His own feelings started to mix with his soulmates. The good with good made him feel like he was on a high, the good with bad made his confused and disoriented. The bad with bad made him spiral, throwing himself into his work in hopes of blocking out both his soulmates feelings, and his own. He couldn’t help them, and he couldn’t help himself.
The day he collapsed was the day that the other members finally put a stop to his bad habits.
And then things started to get better. He learned to talk about his soulmates feelings, encouraged to take a break when they weren’t doing well, allowed to enjoy the happiness his soulmate would send his way, and his members were quick to adapt. And slowly, it became easier to talk about his own feelings with them, and they accepted that just as easily.
But the days that the feelings would overwhelm him weren’t very common. Most feelings weren’t even strong enough for his to process, like a boredom on a random Saturday morning, or a quick flash of amusement, and sometimes he didn’t even think about it.
So when the feeling of panic flew through him, he brushed it off at first. Maybe his soulmate dropped their phone, or forgot to turn in a homework assignment. It was normal. The anticipation came next, small wonder at first but slowly growing to a buzz that he could feel under his skin.
Chris stopped his scrolling through TikTok when he was hit with a stronger sense of panic, wondering if maybe something serious was going on. Changbin, who was scrolling from his own bed, noticed something was wrong.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
He was about to answer, when the relief rolled through, then the spark. It was like every single moment of happiness that he had ever experienced hitting him all at once, and he was sitting up so quickly it made his head spin.
“Hyung?”
“My soulmate is … feeling something.”
“Good or bad?” Changbin wondered.
“I’m not sure.”
Seungmin sent a message to the group chat then, asking if anybody wanted snacks from the convenience store. Everybody answered pretty quickly, except for Jeongin. Since Minho and Seungmin weren’t the kind to wait for a response before leaving, Chan decided to call him to ask him directly.
And then the youngest was gushing to him about how he had met his soulmate, and how he was so excited and Chris found himself smiling down into the phone. He relayed the message over to Changbin, who insisted he wanted to meet them. Jeongin was the first one to meet their soulmate, it was inevitable that the others would be excited to meet them.
His soulmate’s nervousness was only in the back of his mind as he sent a message to the others about the good news.
It wasn’t until the text came telling them they could come to Jeongin’s room that the anxiety really spiked, and Chris started to get worried.
Was the nervousness his soulmates, or his?
The moment the door opened, Changin was pulling Jeongin into a hug and congratulating him, and Chris took the opportunity to slip past the two and make his way into the room. His first impression of the person sitting on the bed was that they were beautiful, and that his maknae was a lucky man.
“Oh, hey! You must be Jeongin’s soulmate. It’s so nice to meet you. My name’s Christopher, you can call me Chris.”
They hesitated to shake his hand, and his chest began to ache with worry. He couldn’t stop his own worry from showing on his face, even as they scrambled to grab his hand. His soulmate was going through a roller coaster of emotions right now. Were they okay?
When Jeongin’s soulmate realized they were still shaking his hand, they immediately pulled away in embarrassment.
The feeling was mutual.
It was then that the took a second to truly think over what he was feeling, the way his heart was beating a little too fast, the buzz of energy that was growing under his skin, the way Jeongin’s soulmate raised their head and their eyes met his.
“Ah, Jeongin’s soulmate!”
Changbin interrupted before he could question it. Jeongin let out a whine, complaining that Changbin was going to crush his soulmate, and the rapper was quick to end his sudden hug. He apologized for getting a little too excited, but the smile that he gave them as he turned around was downright wicked.
“Man, you got lucky. Your soulmates hot.”
“Yah!”
“Changbin!”
“Hurry up! I need to see, I can’t believe it!” Jisung yelled as he ran into the room, skidding to a stop before he could barrel into them. He spotted Jeongin’s soulmate and pointed at them with a gasp.
“Ah, it’s true! Jeongin really found his soulmate?!”
“Hey, be quiet. Do you want the whole world to hear?” Felix complained, walking in with Hyunjin at a much more normal pace.
When Hyunjin bowed to Jeongin’s soulmate, Felix followed out of habit, but his fellow Aussie was always a much more physical person. When he decided the best introduction was a hug, it wasn’t anything abnormal. Then Chris felt the sudden onslaught of emotions that made him stumble back, drawing Changbin’s attention in confusion. Happiness, excitement, anxiety, nervousness. Felix was stumbling back, apologies falling from his lips as he turned to Jeongin in worry. All it took was Jeongin’s reassurance to process in his head before he was moving, realizing that Jeongin’s soulmate wasn’t breathing.
His soulmate wasn’t breathing.
He gripped their shoulder by the time the others began to realize something was wrong, leaning down to whisper in their ear.
“Breathe, sweetheart. Breathe.”
And for the first time in his life, he finally felt like he could do something to help. He didn’t need to process the fact that he was touching his soulmate, the way his stomach was doing flips, and he was already falling for a person he had just met. All he could think about was that the panic was subsiding. He turned their face so he could look at them properly, meet their eyes with new understanding. And he reassured them because he was there now.
Everything was going to be okay.