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Of course, Ram was beautiful.
Handsome. Clever. Stylish. Brave. Kind.
Everyone could see it when he helped make Ajith and Suhasini’s hut, when he helped cook the chicken biryani, and when he danced after the marriage ceremony. Ram threw his head back, laughing, as the others danced around him.
Bheem crooned at the child in his arms, sneaking glances at the villagers who cheered and hooted and laughed. The scene reminded Bheem of the Gymkhana party and how everyone looked at Ram. It wasn’t like he could blame them. He was magnetic, his voice calm and deep, so sure and commanding. Corded muscles and deft fingers that could shoot an arrow a mile away. A handsome face that beamed with delight, eyes shining with joy.
Bheem couldn’t blame anyone for wanting to be near Ram, for wanting to touch him, to receive his smiles, to hear his voice, to revel in his beauty…. But Bheem also wanted to cover and hide him away where no one else could see him. It was selfish, and Bheem wasn’t supposed to be selfish.
Growing up in a small community where everyone shared their resources, Bheem had learned to give what he could to his neighbor. Whatever food he had on him, he gave to a hungry brother. When a child accidentally dropped her dosa on the ground, Bheem immediately gave her his. When a man lost his only son in a hunting accident, Bheem took on the responsibilities till the old man passed away. And when he became the Protector, the Shepherd, Bheem had to hold the entire village in his heart. Their safety and happiness were his priority. Until Ram burrowed into his life.
A trilling laugh echoed in the night, and Bheem looked up as Kajal touched Ram’s arm and tilted her dark head to his shoulder. A pit of anger swelled in Bheem’s chest. He wanted to tear her hand away and drag Ram back to their hut. It was immediately followed by a sense of shame.
“Grgrgrmmnnn.”
Bheem looked down at the baby in his arms. He cradled little Sai who giggled and made grabbing gestures at his face.
Ram was having fun, the weight of his promise to his father a lot less heavy now that there were many of them fighting for the cause. They were everywhere, amassing weapons, making plans, and freeing the states little by little. Who was Bheem to begrudge him of his moments of fun?
He looked up again to see that Ram had stopped dancing but was still surrounded by a few of his admirers. They patted his back and ruffled his hair. Bheem looked away, conflicted. Ram deserved to be looked on with adoration, and Bheem’s chest was always filled with pride whenever people learned he was with this majestic being. But sometimes… sometimes he wanted people to look at Ram and just know he was Bheem’s lover.
Claim him. Mark him . Those thoughts ran through Bheem’s head as Sundeep wrapped an arm around Ram’s neck and bumped him playfully.
Bheem was ashamed of his thoughts. What would Ram think if he learned that Bheem thought such things? Ram who was so composed, who talked with so much wisdom. He was an educated man who read many books and knew several foreign languages. He was so impressive. Bheem sang his praises every chance he got, but Ram was always so humble, so generous.
The baby made cooing sounds, and Bheem kissed her on the forehead, wishing he could put his lips on Ram’s face, his cheeks, his lips…. But tonight was a rare night of celebration, where they didn’t have to think about the revolution, about the sacrifices they would have to face for the cause. Bheem didn’t want to take this moment from Ram, who had given up so much to free their motherland.
“Bheema!”
Bheem’s head jerked up. Ram was waving at him from the crowd that was starting a new dance. Immediately, Bheem was hit with a love so strong that he nearly bowled over from the force of it slamming into his heart. Sweat glinted off Ram’s forehead and cheeks, his hair tied back, and his shirt opened to reveal a slightly hairy chest. He was flailing his arm, gesturing for Bheem to join him. But Bheem rearranged baby Sai against his chest so Ram could see he was on child-minding duties tonight so that Malli could join the other kids in playing.
Ram’s mouth formed an “O” and he smiled softly, nodding. Bheem chuckled and waved little Sai’s hand at his lover. Ram’s smile widened. Jangu patted him on the shoulder and engaged him in conversation. And then a new song started, and Ram was swept away into a frenzy of laughter and music.
Bheem looked on, his heart feeling too big for his chest, both for his love for Ram and the selfish little feeling he harbored when he had to share his lover with the rest of the world.
***
Shouts and cheers filled the late afternoon air as Bheem made it to his team’s side, yelling a roar of triumph after shouting one final, “Kabaddi!”
Ram chuckled, only to get hit on the arm by the stick Sita was now waving in his face.
“Concentrate, Rama!” she said sternly, shaking her head.
“Sorry, sorry,” Ram said sheepishly.
Sita turned to the game that was winding down now, people clapping and patting each other on the back. Bheem’s smile was wide, a beacon to the onlookers who surrounded him in cheer. The joy in the air was infectious, pulling at the edges of Ram’s lips.
Sita turned back to him with a grin and put her hands on her hips. “Alright, I can’t blame you for being distracted, but how can we continue our lessons if you keep sneaking glances at your lover?”
Ram wobbled his head and grinned softly.
Sita rolled her eyes. “Alright, we’ll finish our lesson later. The herbs can wait. Go and join your lover then.” She gathered the herbs in a basket and stood up to put them away.
When she left, Ram went back to look his full. What he saw clawed at his heart and made him frown.
Bheem was laughing and throwing his hands wildly in the air. Long arms encircled his waist. Behind him was a young man with a sparse beard and a head of wild curls. He was trying to lift Bheem up but was struggling. Bheem laughed and giggled, shoulders and head shaking.
“Give up, Siva! You can’t lift me!” Bheem exclaimed.
“No, I won’t give up, anna!”
Ram raised a brow. It was a funny sight, but surely Bheem didn’t have to giggle so much. Perhaps he was ticklish there. Ram grinned to himself. Ticklish, eh?
Finally, the man, Siva, heaved a sigh and stopped trying to lift Bheem from behind. He relaxed his hold around Bheem’s waist but didn’t let go. Instead, he placed his chin on Bheem’s shoulder and blew on his ear.
It was an understatement to say Ram saw red.
Bheem exclaimed in surprise and swatted Siva’s face. He tried to get away, but the hold around his waist tightened.
“You rascal!” Bheem said. “Don’t do that!”
“Aw, but, anna, your expression is so funny!”
Bheem shook his head, but there was a soft smile on his face. He twisted to his left and ruffled Siva’s hair. Ram glowered.
Another man, Jangu, appeared, talking about how he and Siva could try to lift Bheem up together. Ram knew Jangu was a reliable man, one of Bheem’s most trusted friends and part of the party sent to retrieve Malli in Delhi. It wouldn’t be a stretch to think that perhaps his loyalty to Bheem was influenced by… romantic interest?
Ram narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
Both Jangu and Siva had their arms around Bheem who gritted his teeth and fought against their hold. There was mischief in his eyes. Ram stood up and leaned against a wooden column, just taking in Bheem’s face, his strong arms, his naked torso like a tree trunk, and the muscles straining against his dhoti.
How lucky Ram was to have the affections of someone like Bheem, who was loved by all who met him. Bheem who had a heart of gold and the ferocity of a tiger. Bheem who had forgiven Ram immediately after he learned his true mission. Bheem who knew which herbs could poison and heal, who knew how to trap and hunt wild animals, who could go toe to toe with dangerous predators…
Bheem who showed a bitter man with a wounded soul that there was a different way to start a revolution, a better way to fight for the cause….
Sometimes, at night, with Ram sleeping on Bheem’s chest, he would think of all of these and be haunted by guilt once more. But that guilt would sometimes come with bitterness – how it took him hurting the most precious person in his life to realize what he needed to do.
And now that guilt-tinted bitterness was rearing its ugly head again – as well as the question that kept plaguing him since the day Bheem called him “Bangaram.”
Do you think you deserve him, Rama Raju?
Ram was afraid that, one day, the answer would be no.
His throat suddenly hurt, and his chest strained with a strong desire to rip Bheem away from those two men. For the first time, Bheem’s loud laughter stung his ears.
“We did it!” Jangu said with a chuckle when the three of them fell down on the ground. “You’re no match for us, anna.”
Bheem shook his head, shoulders shaking. “Alright, alright. Now help me up!”
“No, no,” Siva said, still not letting go of Bheem. “Stay here with me.”
“Me”?! Ram took a deep breath, rolled his shoulders, and straightened his back. Who did this Siva think he was to make such a demand?
Not for the first time, Ram wished he had insisted on making Bheem wear his mother’s ring. It was after a night of passionate love-making when Ram and Bheem sat facing each other and the former ran his fingers over Bheem’s feet. The latter suddenly became embarrassed and tried to pull Ram’s hands away.
“I want to put a silver ring on you,” Ram said with a gentle smile. “And I want you to do the same to me.”
Bheem’s eyes widened, and his smile softened, but he shook his head. “There will be questions.”
“Let them ask,” Ram said. “I don’t care –” and then he paused, belatedly realizing what Bheem meant. “Unless – unless if your tribe will – oh, I’m sorry, Bheem, I didn’t – I don’t want to get you in trouble –”
“You won’t,” Bheem said, covering his hand. “I want to do it, Ram…. Just not yet.”
“Why not?” Ram asked, mind quickly going through all the reasons Bheem would say that.
Did he want to wait till India was free? That could be a long time from now. Did he want a big wedding? Ram would find the money, no worries. Was he unsure where to hold the ceremony? Ram would do it anywhere he wanted, no questions asked. Was he worried British soldiers would find them and stop the wedding? Ram would make a ten-step elaborate plot to keep them away and busy for the next decade. All Bheem had to do was say so.
Instead, what Bheem said was something Ram never even considered.
“I have no silver ring for you,” Bheem said with sad eyes that shone with unshed tears. He squeezed Ram’s hands in his. “So… not yet. Give me time to find a ring fit for you.”
Ram chuckled. That was the only thing Bheem was worried about? He would wear a ring made of any metal or rope if Bheem wanted. And he said so. But Bheem shook his head.
“You deserve a proper ceremony, bangaram.” Bheem dropped his hands and held his face. “You deserve it. You deserve every jewel you could ever want, and if you just say the word, I will scour the ends of the world to find them.”
“I already have the only treasure I could ever want,” Ram said softly.
Bheem’s cheeks reddened. “Still. When people see it, I want there to be no room for doubt in their minds. I want them to know just how much you mean to me.”
And that had placated Ram. He didn’t ask again, not wanting to pressure Bheem, whose eyes lit up every time he spotted a ring on their travels. Ram took note of the designs he liked, thinking of commissioning bracelets, necklaces, and other things for his lover.
But now he regretted that Bheem wasn’t wearing anything of his – nothing to ward off anyone sniffing around, something that said, “TOUCH HIM AND A. RAMA RAJU WILL HUNT YOU DOWN”.
Not that he considered Bheem to be a thing that belonged to him. But he wanted people to know Bheem was his lover, his soulmate, his best friend….
“I have to get up now, Siva!” Bheem said, patting the younger man’s hand.
“Later, anna. Let’s take a breath first.”
“C’mon, Siva. Anna has other things to do. Let him up,” Jangu said, getting to his feet. He shot a worried glance over at Ram before grabbing Bheem’s hands and hauling him up.
Ram preened and grinned a little bit. At least Jangu was aware. Perhaps Ram just needed to call Bheem an endearment every time they met someone. Bujji, chitti, kanna…
Finally, Siva let go. Ram heaved a sigh of relief. But then Siva started squeezing Bheem’s arms. “Oh, your muscles are so impressive, anna. Say, can I visit your hut later?”
“Hm?” Bheem asked, bending down to dust off his dhoti.
Over his head, Jangu glared at Siva.
Ram thought it was time to teach this boy a lesson. He walked over to them, a little bit satisfied that Jangu had jumped away and started muttering about cooking dinner. Bheem looked up and smiled at Ram’s approach.
“Bangaru!” Bheem exclaimed. “Did you watch the game? I was so good, wasn’t I!”
Ram chuckled, pride and fondness warring in his chest whenever Bheem was like this – practically bouncing with childlike joy, eyes shining, and waiting for Ram’s opinion, as if seeking approval. Sita said it was because Bheem also looked up to him and wanted to impress him. But Bheem had no reason to do that. Firstly, he didn’t need Ram’s approval to do anything. And secondly, Bheem was probably the most amazing person Ram had ever met.
Ram glanced at Siva, who gave him one steely-eyed look before glancing away.
Oh, Ram thought. So it was going to be like that, was it? This boy was challenging him. Right in front of Bheem. Well, Rama Raju never backed down from a challenge.
So, he stepped in front of Bheem and kissed him on the cheek. Bheem’s eyes widened.
Ram could have kissed him, but he changed his mind at the last minute. He was much too hot-blooded for just a peck on the lips. He would devour him right then and there – and there was no way he was going to let Siva hear Bheem’s moans.
Bheem pressed a hand on the cheek Ram kissed. The latter grinned, shot Siva a smug look, grabbed his lover’s hand, and dragged him to their hut.
When they were inside, with the door locked, Ram pounced. He covered Bheem’s mouth with his own and shoved his hand down the other man’s dhoti.
“Wait!” Bheem said, jumping away. “Ram, what’s wrong?”
The question took Ram by surprise. “What do you mean what’s wrong? You’re the one who stopped us kissing.”
“Well, yes, because – because normally you don’t do that in public.”
Ram blinked at him. Oh. Yes, that was true. Ram held Bheem’s hand. He helped him carry things. He complimented what he did, what he said, and what he wore. He called him lover in public. He talked about the future with him. He embraced him. But he never kissed him.
Ram turned away, embarrassed and ashamed. “I’m sorry, Bheem. I – I never realized –”
“No, no,” Bheem said, standing immediately in front of him and holding his hand. “I’m not calling you out on it. Many people don’t do it publicly. You misunderstood me. I wasn’t angry. I was just confused. What brought it on?”
Ram blushed and scratched his beard. “It was Siva.”
“Siva? Why, what did he say to you?”
“Not to me, to you!” Ram said, unable to contain the frustration in his tone.
“What did he say to me?”
“Earlier!” Ram said, running a hand down his face, trying to reel in the annoyance he felt when he remembered the challenge in the boy’s eyes. “He was touching you, not letting go, teasing you, cajoling you into staying beside him on the ground!”
Bheem still had a look of confusion on his face. “He was just playing. He’s like that with everybody.”
Ram doubted it. “You didn’t see the look he gave me when I walked over to you. He clearly doesn’t like me. He was touching you in front of me like – like he was challenging me into doing something about it.”
Bheem raised a brow. “Anyone who challenges you to anything is obviously going to lose.”
“Of course,” Ram said immediately. “Unless it’s you.”
Bheem narrowed one eye at him and grinned. “Really now? Because, bangaram, it just sounds like you’re… jealous.”
Ram sighed. “Yes, I was.”
Bheem dropped the needling expression he wore. “Wait, what, really? I was just teasing.”
Ram crossed his arms over his chest. “Of course, I was jealous, Bheem! Touching you all over, blowing into your ear and putting his chin on your shoulder! Hugging you, fine. Patting you on the back, sure. But he should know his boundaries! I was right there! What right does he have to be so familiar with you? I’m your lover, not him. You’re mine!”
Bheem’s eyebrows jumped, and he grinned wide, red coloring his cheeks.
“Uh,” Ram began, “I mean – I –”
“I’m yours,” Bheem said, approaching him and placing a hand on his left cheek. “And you’re mine. You were jealous! I was jealous, too!”
“You? Jealous? When?”
Bheem blushed again and looked away. He scratched the back of his neck. “The dance. Last night. Kajal was touching you. Jangu, too. Actually, anyone who looked at you with so much adoration. I just – I was proud of you. But I was also jealous because I didn’t want anyone else to keep touching you, being with you, smiling at you…” Bheem shook his head. “I’m sorry, Ram. I know that sounds very selfish –”
“I’m selfish, too,” Ram hurriedly said, going over to Bheem and holding him by the shoulders. “When Siva and Jangu kept touching you and laughing with you, I suddenly felt the urge to drive them away. Bheem,” Ram continued, running a hand through Bheem’s lively curls, “we have already given so much of ourselves to those around us. We can be a little bit selfish in this.”
Tears brimmed over Bheem’s lashes. “We can?"
Ram smiled. “We can, bangaru.” He moved his hands to Bheem’s waist. “And now I want to make sure everyone knows that I’m yours. Mark me, Bheem. Leave no room for doubt that we belong only to each other.”
Bheem nodded as a tear rolled down one cheek. Ram wiped it with his thumb.
“Ramudu,” Bheem whispered, trailing kisses down his neck. He nibbled the skin behind Ram’s right ear and walked him backward to the bed.
They sat down on the thick pallet, taking off their clothes quickly. Bheem hovered over Ram and asked, “Are you ready, my love?”
Ram smiled. “Of course, my treasure.”
That night, Laachu slapped Siva on the back of the head and told him to stay away from both Bheem-anna and Rama Raju for the rest of his life because now the entire village was suffering from the very, very loud noises coming from anna’s hut.
~~~ END ~~~