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The train ride home was a brutal twenty hours long. But he didn't care, he needed the time home for the holidays. Couldn't wait to see his brother and sister and even his brother's annoying best friend again after so long.
But, above all yet still pressed deep down, was the need and excitement of the though of seeing Y/N.
It's been two years since graduation, and Carmen's running low on money. Otherwise he would've definitely preferred the much quicker plane ride. He feels like a dog trotting back home, disappointed to the core with its tail between its legs.
New York has certainly knocked him down more than several pegs. He's been made to feel worthless time and time again. It's been two years - intercut with phone calls here and there - since he's felt loved.
Since he's felt love for a fellow person.
His hometown has no shortage of people he adores and loves. Everyone and everything he has is there. Waiting for him to come back whenever he feels like it.
***
"You're such a dork! Let me get it done! You go watch the game." A female voice rises to a higher pitch above the sizzling of oil in the pan on the stove.
The person who said voice is telling off grunts, "You can't do that! I'm not a kid you can send to his room!"
"Quit acting like a child and I might keep you around." The girl teases back, giggling when her boyfriend runs his fingers over her sides, tickling her.
Another scoff is heard among the noises coming from the kitchen, "You guys are disgusting."
"Let them be, Sugar. They'll be arguing like a cat and a dog soon enough. You'll miss this harmony." Another voice joins the mix, bringing a smile of recognition on Carmy's face as he discards his shoes by the front door, dropping his duffle bag.
The four people currently forming too big of a crowd in the kitchen fail to notice the figure in the doorway until his knuckle collides with the doorframe a couple of times, the sound prominent, "Got room for one more in there?"
Four pairs of eyes simultaneously sparkle in his direction and Carmy is all of a sudden reminded what it feels like to be loved and cared for.
The first person to collide into his embrace is his sister, whose arms wrap around him with a surprising strength that seems to squeeze out all the bad New York’s filled him with.
“I take it you missed me, huh?“ He manages to say between caved-in ribs and lungs.
Sugar laughs, back-handing his shoulder as she pulls away, “No, not at all.”
“I didn’t either.“ An even stronger pair of arms wraps around him next. If he hadn’t bulked up these past couple of months Mikey would’ve picked him up off the ground like back when they were kids.
“Dork...“ The blond murmurs, hand coming up to mess up his brother’s hair.
Just like that, many memories start flooding in. It reminds him of just how much he’s missed his home. His siblings, their banter, the sounds and smells of the house, the laughter and undying chatter that resides inside it.
And the family friends that come with it who might as well be family at this point.
Richie is the first of them, coming up to give him a much less sentimental but meaningful nonetheless hug, “Missed ya, cuz.”
“I missed you too, Richie.“ That’s a sentence he could’ve never imagined he’d say when he was a kid. Back then he was the butt of many of Richie’s jokes, making him have rather sour feelings towards him. But it’s safe to say that couldn’t be farther from the truth now.
You know what hasn’t changed even after so much time? The way adrenaline hits him and his heart rate quickens when his eyes meet hers.
She’s the last to come up and welcome him, her hug incapsulating him in the bubble her perfume has created around them. It’s a scent he knows all too well. A scent that’s lingers in his mind and stains many memories he’ll never be able to get rid of.
Rightfully so, it belongs to a very special person in his life. His life-long best friend, the only bright spot in his high school days, his biggest support and inspiration. The girl he could see himself marrying in a decade or two.
The girl that whispers “I missed you” right before she pulls away from him, just to have Mikey’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.
It’s a weird sight for Carmy. He doesn’t remember the two ever being so close before. Michael always seemed to regard Y/N as nothing more than his brother’s best friend. Hell, he can even remember the many times he pestered him for being his girlfriend.
Little did Carmen know how the tables would be flipped on him.
He didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but the night was testing him with each passed minute. Whether it be the slight touches here and there the both of them seemed very accustomed to, or the little ‘babe’s or ‘hun’s they’d drop when talking to one another, it was all getting to him....personally.
Knowing he’d get an earful from Sugar if he allowed her to see him smoking, he purposefully waited for her to busy herself with something before quietly ducking out the door to the garage. He creaks a window open before lighting a cigarette, the puff he inhales doing little to settle his nerves.
“If anyone asks, you didn’t pick this habit up from me...“ The gruff voice that disrupts his peace and quiet damn near makes him drop his cigarette.
Turning around, he finds that it’s Richie, indulging in his own bad habit.
Finding he’s in a safe zone, he Carmy sighs, “Nah, I’ll say I picked it up from Mikey.“
Richie scoffs humorously, coming up to stand opposite him, blowing smoke out the window, “Why don’t you pick up his womanizing charm instead? I’m sure you’d do well with someone by your side. You know, someone to keep you looking forward to something.“
A pair of sky blue eyes roll in annoyance, “Who are you - Sugar? I’m just fine on my own. Probably would be a dead end anyways.” It hurts to admit that out loud, but it’s the truth. Nothing and no one’s ever made him feel like she has. “And if charm was Michael’s strong suit, he’d have a girlfriend by now.”
Richie nearly chokes on a puff of smoke as he barrels into laughter, provoked by Carmy’s statement, “Ah, cuz, you ain’t blind, are you? Deaf? No?” He only stops his semi-berating to cackle some more, “Mikey is in there with his girlfriend. She sat at the same table as us. She’s sat at the same table as us for almost two decades, Carm.”
It’s Carmen’s turn to choke. On the smoke, cold air, his words or shards of his broken heart -doesn’t matter. The coughing fit he falls into saves him from having to say anything.
What could he possibly say? How could he possibly recover from that? How could he pretend that the shards of his hard are stabbing him all over - making it hard to speak, to breathe, to feel.
How can he stand on two solid feet after an earthquake like this one. Something that threw his world off its axis. And not something that was a sudden blow. It was a sharp pain between his ribs since he saw his brother drape his arm around Y/N. Richie’s words were just the confirmation, as if he gave permission to the pain to hurt him even more.
It nauseates him, just how fast his life changed.
“Good for them. They’re perfect for each other.“