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Alex watched as Charles, exhausted from his latest race against Hank, dramatically threw himself onto the grass. Hank, who’d barely broken a sweat, just laughed at him.
Alex and Sean joined in with his laughter. They’d been watching from the sidelines as Hank had inevitably destroyed the telepath in every race.
“Another race?” Hank joked, knowing full well that Charles wouldn’t be getting up for another several minutes.
“No thank you, Hank. Maybe another time,” Charles replied, still struggling to catch his breath.
“I’ll race you!” Sean offered.
Alex watched Hank breeze through another race and felt a bit jealous of how well everyone else seemed to be getting along, how easily they’d all become friends. It wasn’t the first time he’d found himself feeling this way, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last, either.
But he didn’t need their friendship, he thought as he wandered off. He was better off on his own. It was a mindset that had helped him survive solitary confinement, but it was harder to stick to when he was surrounded by what he was so dearly missing.
He’d said yes to joining the team at first because, well, the opportunity to use his abilities for something good sure sounded a lot better than spending the rest of his life in a cell. This was a chance to repent for what he’d done, and Alex knew that he had to take it. He could have broken out at any time using his powers, but it was safer for everyone if he remained locked away. Even though what had landed him in prison had been an accident, it didn’t change the fact that he’d killed people, and he couldn’t afford to let such a thing happen again. His powers were too unstable to be controlled, but Charles Xavier had offered him a way to fix that, to gain mastery over what he could do. It was a long shot, but what other choice had Alex had but to try?
He wished he had stayed there.
A voice then startled him out of his thoughts.
“You look like something’s bothering you.”
Alex looked up to find Erik watching him. He hadn’t seen or heard the man approaching, but that was normal when it came to Erik.
Alex just shook his head. “It’s nothing. I’m just not sure coming here was the best idea.”
“Because you’re still afraid of what you can do,” Erik put together. “You have an incredible gift.”
“For a killer like you maybe. But I don’t want to hurt people. Yet I kill everyone who gets too close to me.”
“You tried to kill Sebastian Shaw.”
“I-” He had, there was no denying it. He’d done it in an effort to save Angel rather than any desire to kill Shaw, but his intentions didn’t change his actions. “I don’t want to fight him again. I’m too dangerous, but still no match for him. He’ll use my powers to kill the rest of you. You need to put me back where you found me.”
“I thought you wanted to avenge Darwin,” Erik said.
“I did.”
“And now you’ve changed your mind,” he observed.
“Every night when I close my eyes, I see Darwin’s face. And every morning I wake up, and I’m reminded that he’s dead and I killed him.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know what I did,” Alex told him. “And I won’t feign innocence to absolve myself of the guilt.”
Darwin had been the first –and last– bit of convincing that Alex had made the right choice in going along with all this. They’d become fast friends. It was the first time since his powers first came about that Alex had been able to enjoy the company of another person without fear that he would accidentally kill them. He could simply be himself around Darwin and not have to worry about a thing because Darwin couldn’t die or even be hurt at all. He was the only person who could ever truly be safe around Alex, and Alex felt so lucky that he was also so kind and funny and easy to get along with. The short time they’d had together had been the happiest Alex had been since before he’d discovered he was a mutant.
And now Darwin was dead. Because of Alex.
“You know,” Erik said, “for a long time, I felt the same way about my mother’s death. I was just a boy when Shaw killed her. All because I couldn’t control my powers yet. But I learned to, and so will you. And trust me, Charles is a much better teacher than Shaw was. You’re in good hands here.”
Alex didn’t doubt Charles’s teaching abilities, but he was still scared of hurting what remained of his team. Most of them had powers that weren’t destructive in the least. How could people like Sean and Hank and Raven –and Moira, who didn’t even have powers at all– ever hope to defend themselves against him? How could they ever hope to defend themselves against him when even an immortal couldn’t?
“I cared about Darwin,” Alex said. “I’ve been trying not to let myself care about anyone else so it won’t hurt so bad if I lose them, but watching this team come together and knowing what I almost had just reminds me of how lonely I really am.”
“I’ve spent most of my life in solitude for some of the same reasons. And then I met Charles, and he showed me that I wasn’t alone, that I didn’t have to be alone. And I’m the happiest I’ve ever been because I listened to him.”
“Charles has a way of doing that, doesn’t he?” Alex noted. “Though I guess especially so with you.”
“I never thought I’d have allies or friends or a lover, but I opened myself up to him and found all three,” Erik admitted. “He and I are more powerful together than I ever was on my own. We’re all stronger together, and not only in regards to our powers. All of us mutants united together helping our own kind, this is what we were meant to be.”
“You really believe that?” Alex asked. It was hard to imagine. Erik had always been so frightening and intimidating.
“I do,” he said. “Give it a chance, Alex. Friends aren’t the worst thing to have.”