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"Sieun, hi."
Suho's voice sounds a bit muffled through the phone and Sieun can hear a slight ruffling, as if Suho is trying to get comfortable on whatever surface he is laying on.
"Hi," Sieun answers, his voice sounding loud in the quietness of his room, the only other sound coming from the air conditioner.
Suho breaks the silence with a breath. "What're you doing?"
"Talking to you."
"That's not what I meant," Suho huffs, amused.
"I'm just laying on my bed." Sieun wonders for a second if that's a weird thing to say, but it's true. It's already half past eleven in the evening and Sieun is almost ready to go to sleep.
"Me, too," Suho replies and Sieun can hear the smile in his voice. He pictures Suho in his head, lying on his bed, wearing that white t-shirt of his he always wears when he goes to sleep, his hair forming a dark halo around his head on the pillow, a soft smile playing on his soft lips. Nope. He would not go there.
Little by little, Suho starts to talk about random things that pop into his head: funny things he encountered at work, the plot of the drama he is currently watching, a random fact he read somewhere and happened to remember.
They have been doing this for a few weeks now. It all started one day when Sieun mentioned that he usually watches some meaningless YouTube video or a drama to fall asleep to the sound of someone speaking and Suho suggested he could call Sieun instead to lull him to sleep. At first, Sieun had doubted if it was a good idea, but turns out it really is. Suho is good at talking and Sieun is good at listening, and Sieun found out that there's nothing more comforting than to fall asleep to the sound of Suho's soft voice next to his ear.
Sometimes during their late night phone calls, Suho says things that make Sieun wonder. Sometimes he starts talking about Sieun, how he was cute on that day at school, how Sieun's smile was brighter than the actual sun and whatnot. After hearing things like that Sieun can't help but wonder. Is there something more there? Or is it just what friends do? Is it purely platonic to call him, like, every night?
Sieun doesn't even know at this point.
One time Suho calls him at ten to two at night. They were in a karaoke room together with Youngyi that night, as the two of them had persuaded Sieun to come with them. Sieun eventually gave in and he watched as they sang their hearts out to some girl group songs Sieun wasn't familiar with. Sieun can admit that it was still fun to watch the two of them, watch Youngyi's dance moves and listen to Suho and his surprisingly good singing voice. Not that Sieun would ever tell him that.
"Hey, Sieun-ah, did you have fun tonight?" Suho asks, his words slurring a bit.
And oh yes, they also drank some alcohol. Sieun wasn't even sure where the bottle of Soju came from, but at one point of the night he noticed Suho and Youngyi passing around a green bottle, taking turns drinking from it. Sieun had a taste too and figured he didn't really care for it, although he did find the warmth of it kind of comforting. Suho got properly drunk, and Sieun and Youngyi had to practically carry him home while meekly apologizing to his grandma who was still up, waiting for Suho.
"I did," Sieun replies honestly. He hates to admit it, but taking an occasional night off from studying seems to do him good.
"Sieun-ah, you know..." Suho's voice trails off for a while. "You know you're so cute, right?"
Sieun knows Suho is drunk. Still, he can't help the ridiculous fluttering of his heart at the words.
"Stop," he tells Suho quietly but firmly.
"Why?" he whines. "You looked so cute today, in your hoodie... It made you look so... soft and... adorable," Suho blabbers on, his voice still slurring.
Sieun swallows around the lump in his throat. "You're drunk," he manages, his voice hoarse all of a sudden.
"When I'm drunk, I'm honest. Which means... you are cute," he says and then giggles, and all Sieun can do is try not to bang his head against the wall repeatedly.
"Seriously, stop it," he practically begs.
Suho just laughs again.
On one night, Suho calls him right after Sieun has closed his front door behind him.
"Hi."
"Hi. Did you get home safe?" Sieun asks gingerly.
They had been at a party at some rich kid's house that Suho and Youngyi had somehow managed to drag him and Beomseok to. It had been fine, even though Sieun didn't really like parties. He was with Suho the whole night, which bothered him in a way. He told Suho many times to go talk to somebody, to go get a drink, but Suho insisted on staying with him instead. So they spent their time sitting on a couch in the corner, talking and occasionally petting the white cat that found some peace next to them. Youngyi and even Beomseok were off socializing, and Sieun noticed the girl talking to a short, wavy-haired girl multiple times during the night.
"Yeah, and I even managed to not wake up grandma," Suho replies and Sieun can imagine the grin on his face.
"That's good."
There'a a moment of silence on the line, slightly awkward, until Suho clears his throat.
"Did you have a great time?" he asks.
"Yeah," Sieun says and Suho sighs.
"You don't have to lie, I know parties are not your thing."
"It's fine Suho," Sieun says because it is. "I can do things that you enjoy, for you. Like go to parties."
Suho is silent for a while again.
"Sieun-ah."
"Hmm?"
"You looked really good tonight," Suho's voice is suddenly low and it sends shivers down Sieun's spine.
Sieun did look a bit different that night, it was true. He was wearing a sleeveless gray top instead of his hoodie, and he even had on some eyeliner that Youngyi had begged him to wear. After what felt like hours of back and forth, he had let Youngyi draw thin, black lines around his eyes with a pencil she had taken from her makeup bag. He thought he looked weird with it. Not bad necessarily, but definitely weird.
"Don't say that," Sieun says in a low voice. He can't take it at all. Not when his stomach does flips at every smallest comment or touch from Suho. "Please," he says quietly and his voice must be pleading because Suho is quiet again.
"I- Sorry," Suho says then. "I didn't realize it made you uncomfortable. But you really- never mind. I'm sorry," Suho rambles.
There's an awkward silence on the line again and Sieun doesn't know what to do with himself.
"Well... good night," he says finally, wanting to get off the call.
"Wait, Sieun."
"What is it?"
"I- I can't sleep," Suho hesitates, sounding nervous all of a sudden. "I just- I wish I could be there, sleeping next to you instead," he says, his voice low and hoarse. He goes quiet then, as if realizing what he just said.
What?
"What?" Sieun asks out loud, confused, his heart beating too fast.
"What? I- You know what? I'm drunk. I really- I shouldn't have called tonight. I'm sorry," he blabbers on, stumbling on his words in a way Sieun has never heard before.
"Liar," Sieun mutters.
"Wh- what?"
"Liar," Sieun repeats, his voice sounding a bit accusatory now. "You didn't drink anything tonight."
"I didn't? Yeah, I guess I didn't. I'm just really tired," Suho laughs awkwardly and Sieun is so lost. "Good night," Suho says swiftly and hangs up without waiting for a reply.
What the hell was that?
Sieun thinks back to Suho's words. I just- I wish I could be there, sleeping next to you instead. Suho had literally said he wanted to sleep next to Sieun. There's no way around it. Sieun feels himself grow hot all over at the thought.
For fuck's sake.
Sieun throws the blanket off of him and heads for the bathroom. He's glad his dad isn't home, so he can go take a shower at this time without disturbing anyone. Sieun turns the water as cold as he can stand and he stays under it until he feels somewhat normal.
He gets back to his bed and the warm feeling slowly snakes it's way back. Sieun groans, frustrated, and tries to think of anything, math equations, the lyrics to that one song playing on the radio all the time, just anything that isn't Suho and his low, hushed words right next to his ear.
Suho is going to be the death of him.
It all goes down on a Saturday night that starts off as studying but ends up as something completely different.
They are both sitting in Sieun's room, on his bed, which is a dangerous territory, really, but it's their last option. Sitting on the floor was killing their backs and Sieun's desk is far too narrow for Suho and his broad shoulders. They're studying history together, first reading silently and then making short notes of what they just read. Sieun can see from the corner of his eye that Suho has a hard time concentrating. He keeps fidgeting with his fingers, his leg bouncing up and down, shaking the whole bed.
"Sieun-ah," he whines and Sieun hates that he finds it adorable. "Can't you just read for me?"
He plops his head down on Sieun's lap and straightens his tall frame on the bed. Sieun's heart lurches in his chest, his Adam's apple jumping as he swallows. Suho's head is pressing on his lap and he tries his hardest not to think about it. He swallows again and continues reading.
"The Joseon dynasty was established in 1392, after the Goryeo dynasty was overthrown by-" Sieun's breath hitches as Suho moves his head unconsciously. He needs to get up. Right this second.
"Suho, get up," Sieun swallows desperately. "I- I can't concentrate."
"Sure, sorry," Suho smiles at him sheepishly as he gets up.
Making sure Suho doesn't notice, Sieun carefully places a pillow on his lap, just in case. "I think we're done studying for today," he says and Suho looks up at him, surprised.
"What should we do, then?" he asks, reminding Sieun of an excited puppy. "Should we watch a movie?"
"Sure," Sieun replies, complying to whatever Suho wants.
Sieun lets Suho choose the movie, some romantic comedy that Sieun is completely unfamiliar with. They watch it on his laptop wedged between their legs on the bed, a book under it to prevent it from overheating. Somewhere halfway through the movie Sieun feels Suho's head falling onto his shoulder. Not that he was able to concentrate on the movie before, but now Sieun is completely focused on the press of Suho's head against his shoulder, his brain fogged by the familiar scent of Suho's shampoo.
Sieun feels Suho's eyes looking up at him before he speaks.
"You're just so pretty, you know that?"
His voice is so quiet Sieun almost thinks he must have imagined it. Almost.
"What?" Sieun's heart beats against his ribs almost painfully.
"You're beautiful," he repeats, his voice still quiet but there's no mistaking his words.
Sieun inhales shakily and squeezes his eyes shut. "Stop it." he says, anguished.
"But it's true," Suho insists and hesitantly brushes his fingertips on Sieun's cheek.
Sieun pulls away from him, far. "You need to stop this," he says firmly, angry in a way he has never before been with Suho.
"What do you mean?" Suho looks confused, almost hurt, and it pains Sieun, but this has to be done.
"All of this. All those comments and the... touching," he squeezes through his tight throat.
"Sieun-ah, I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I never meant to make you uncomfortable. I know you don't particularly like touching, I just-"
"No, you don't get it," Sieun barks. "You- you make me so-," he stutters, not knowing what to say, how to express himself. "Is this normal to you? Is- is this what friends do?"
"Sieun-ah, I never meant to-"
"You know, even Youngyi- she believes that there's something between you and I," Sieun says, his voice rising. "So if you're just playing around, I need you to stop it," his voice quiets down almost to a whisper.
"I never meant to make you uncomfortable, Sieun," Suho repeats solemnly and he takes a deep breath before continuing. "And I'm not," he swallows, sounding almost shy, "just playing around."
Sieun doesn't dare to look at him.
"It's just that," Suho takes a deep breath. "I like you. That's the truth, and that's why I'm acting the way I am, and I've been trying to hide it but I just like you so much-," Suho rambles and Sieun's eyes go wide.
"What did you just say?" Sieun feels like he can't breathe or move or do anything other than stare at Suho in front of him.
"That's the truth," Suho breathes out. "And I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable, but I'm not sorry for liking you, never for that."
"And... I know you're not mine for taking, so I will stop, if that's what you want," he continues, his tone serious, his eyes pained and Sieun's heart aches.
Sieun looks him in the eyes and he sees the confirmation there, behind all the embarrassment and guilt, Sieun sees that Suho is telling the truth and it makes every bit of Sieun's self control vanish.
"No. That's not what I want," Sieun practically growls as he grabs Suho by the shoulders and pins him to the bed, straddling him.
"I'm going to kiss you now," Sieun says in a sudden frenzy and he can see Suho nodding, dumbfounded, before Sieun leans down and connects their lips.
It's immediately clear that Suho has done this before and Sieun hasn't. It's in the way Suho slightly tilts his head and opens his lips, in the way his fingers dance on the sensitive skin on Sieun's neck, next to his ear. Sieun is more hesitant, letting Suho take the lead at first.
Good thing Sieun is a fast learner.
Sieun loses himself in it all: the soft press of Suho's lips, his hands gently grabbing Sieun's hair, the soft groan Suho makes at the back of his throat, the experimental swipes of tongue.
Suho turns them around in one swift motion, and now it's Sieun's turn to get pinned to the mattress. Suho hovers over him for a while and Sieun feels the thundering of his heart and the burning of his cheeks properly now.
"So, I take that as a you like me too?" Suho asks with a grin and Sieun would be awed by his confidence if he couldn't notice the furious blush on Suho's face and the slight shaking of his hands.
Sieun nods, not being able to find words just yet.
That seems to be enough for Suho because he leans in again, connecting their lips.
Sieun can feel Suho smiling in the kiss and he can't help the smile spreading on his face as well. Suho pulls away, smiling softly down at him, so wide that his eyes disappear.
Sieun hears a sudden voice coming from his laptop, and they simultaneously remember the movie they were supposed to be watching, the laptop now forgotten on the edge of the bed.
"You're gorgeous," says the male character on the screen. Suho looks back at Sieun, rising his eyebrows in a suggestive manner and Sieun physically feels the blush creeping up his face and he would laugh at the ridiculousness of it all if he wasn't positively melting into the bed under Suho.
Then, Suho shuts the laptop with one hand and surges back down, his lips on the corner of Sieun's mouth, moving to his jaw. Sieun's breath hitches as Suho moves down to his neck, leaving a path of wet, open-mouthed kisses.
"Is this okay? Does this feel good?" he asks between kisses, his voice genuine, vibrating on Sieun's skin.
"Yes," Sieun says breathlessly, his voice weak in a way that would make him embarrassed if he wasn't so lost in pleasure.
Sieun wraps his arms around Suho's back as Suho moves down, kissing his collarbone and then biting gently just above it. Sieun lets out a mortifying noise that is somewhere between a hiss and a moan and Suho looks up at him, surprised.
"Shut up," Sieun mutters as he sees the sly, satisfied grin on Suho's face.
"I didn't say anything," Suho says with a fake-innnocent tone and he has a playful look on his face that makes Sieun's heart swell in adoration.
Suho leans down for another open-mouthed kiss that makes Sieun's head hazy and he suddenly notices the urgent press of Suho against him. Suho seems to notice the same because he pulls away, blushing a little deeper as he carefully gets off of Sieun, laying down next to him.
They're both panting hard and flushed in the face, but when Suho's eyes lock with his, for the first time, Sieun doesn't feel the need to hide the blush on his cheeks or the smile that lights up his face. Instead, he can look up at Suho and see that he is the same.
Sieun can't help smiling because he's so genuinely happy and he breathes the moment in. The tingling on his lips, the feeling of his heartbeat on his neck where Suho nibbled on, the heat on his cheeks and the ghost of Suho's touch on his body.
It's all just so good.