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Renjun was tired. Every day he woke up at 6am and took his meds and gulped them down with a glass of lukewarm water. It kept him from going crazy. Olanzapine and escitalopram regulated him, kept him sane. At this point he didn't even take them anymore. They didn't even work anyways.
Today was grey. As Renjun wallowed in his room, he sat and pondered. He pondered why he was still alive, he pondered what the meaning of life was, he pondered everything. Jeno knocked on the door. "Renjunnie~ are you okay?" Renjun wiped his tears and sighed a painful yes. Jeno quietly trudged away. Renjun smiled. He grabbed his boxcutter and indulged in his addiction.
Today was grey too. Every day was grey for him. He hated everything about himself. He hated not passing as male, he hated being short, he hated his own being. He felt like he was rotting from the inside. And he was used to it. All he could do was nitpick. His chest wasn't flat enough, his voice wasn't deep enough, his waist wasn't thin enough. Being Renjun was hard. He couldn't stop himself from eating, he couldn't stop the dysphoria, and he couldn't ever reverse the scars on his wrists and thighs.
Today was black. Renjun couldn't take it anymore. He was tired of cutting every day, he was tired of binging, he was tired of lying to his only friend. He put his Moomin slippers o the edge of his roof.
And he jumped.
(Written in first person)
The first thing I remember from waking up in the hospital was Jeno looming over me. When i finally woke up, he perked up and was at my side. Jeno was crying, and i quietly cried with him. I don't know why. My heart was beating fast and i could feel my lungs. I'm so grateful for him.
my scars healed
And during that my heart healed too