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Annabeth is 12 years old when her best friend dies. Is he actually dead yet? No but he will be. He's gonna die in four measly years. Four years to do nothing but wait.
Waiting is a tall order. When she punches that ugly disgusting kid in the face as he looks at her in awe, it's so sickly satisfying. Then she looks back at Percy and all she can think is He will die. You can't outlive this war .
It wasn’t even a war at that point but she had to. She had to plan. She couldn't let him die. He will die in this war. Her thoughts outweighed her logic. She sits in bed, she sits beside him and thinks. How can I save you? How can I make you stay?
But against all better nature, she watches him and thinks to herself that maybe she could die with him. It's a war. All's fair in love and war, including death. And then she realizes that no, she couldn't die. But he's going to.
So she tries so desperately hard to not feel attached, as her limbs burn into numbness while holding up the sky all because she can't get over her feelings. But he comes for her. He comes to save her. And she can't help but scream out for someone that she shouldn't love.
But she loves freely without choice. And yes, maybe a year later she's running in an actual volcano but all she can think about is him and how he is very clearly not where she told him to stay. And now he's in front of her telling her to run. And she’s kissing him.
She's foolish to love. She runs and he's dead. She knew he would die. So she pretends she's okay for two weeks and even though Will from the Apollo cabin is only 12 years old and very mediocre at bandaging her wounds, he still tries to make her feel comforted.
"Um, it's okay to be sad. I know.. Everybody knows Percy was your best friend." She looks at him as he takes off the bandage to put on a new one, the service is in two days. He'll be dead, dead dead in two days. She knew this would happen, why does it hurt so bad?
Annabeth smiles at Will and it's remarkable how she hasn't started to cry. "Thank you Will. Thank you." Her feet tremble as she gets up from the bed. As she walks away, his tiny voice pipes up again.
"It's also okay to love. Love's important." She barely makes it out of the Big House before she starts sobbing. She doesn’t want to be in her cabin where Malcom or Claire will ask if she’s doing okay. She wants Percy. All she wants is Percy.
And that’s a sudden realization. She wants him. But he’s dead. She can’t be with someone six feet under the dirt, under the sea. She just has to wait until she can dig herself a spot next to him with dead, decaying nails.
That’s probably why the first thing she can do when he’s standing at his own funeral is hit him. She doesn’t love him. He’s dead. He’s been dead for the two and half years she’s known him. He’s dead. She doesn’t love him.
He loves her. And she will protect him. He won’t die in this war. He’ll die by your side, is that not enough? That’s all she can think as Ethan Nakamura moves to kill him. She doesn’t know how he could kill him. But that blade won’t kill him if she doesn’t let it.
It’s cold. That means the wound burns so badly her nerves aren’t reacting correctly. She thinks. But it’s like someone placed an anvil on her shoulder and she shrieks as she falls. Percy’s going to die. He’ll die and it’s your fault. He’ll die because he cared about you. But then he doesn’t sound like Percy and it’s all she can do to not blackout and watch him slaughter everyone against them.
She knows how off he's felt. Percy hasn't been Percy. She feels sick. Her shoulder burns with the pain that flows down to her fingertips. The view of New York would be gorgeous but she knows that it's a war scene. It's a war with no valor, because she knows how it will end. Percy and Luke will die. No one will love you.
And then Percy runs up to her and she wants to cry. He'll die and all beautiful things in the world will go with him. And he looks so adorable when there's red in his cheeks. She thinks about the time she kissed him and wishes that she could've kissed him more.
Maybe there's a world where he wouldn't die. Maybe she really could've loved him there. But maybe doesn’t make it all better. Because she knows his Achilles' Heel and she'll die to protect him if she has to.
But the worst part of this stupid stupid war is that he knows he's going to die and isn't complaining. She'd rather him throw a tantrum, cry, do anything except play the hero for one damn time. Like he doesn’t know that she would rather the world die than to be without him.
He doesn't die but he's not there anymore.
She doesn't die but she's not there anymore.
She's tearing up as he smiles and looks back at her on Olympus.
Maybe love isn’t so bad of a choice.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Camp isn’t pretty when she survives. He’s gone. He left. She sleeps in the Poseidon cabin for one night. Two nights. Three nights. She gets an answer.
Unexpected possibilities weren’t something she enjoyed. She had prepared since she was 12, he would die. Except he didn’t. But he left and-
You’re 15 and he’s gone again.
You’re 16 and he’s gone again.
It takes two months for her to rip apart the Poseidon cabin, screaming for him. Piper finds her at the beach. It doesn’t matter if he’s gone. The sea stays calm and the sun still shines. The world moves past. Her anger feels like blood in the water.
“You’ll find him. We’ll find him.” Charmspeak works best when you’re attracted to whoever’s talking, Piper may be pretty but she’s not the love of her life. Annabeth can’t be fooled by dumb lies.
“You don’t get it! He’s dead again!” And Piper’s presence is suddenly quiet and tense. She doesn’t know. Annabeth needs to know. She already knew.
He died before, you can live through it again. He’s already dead, you can deal with it. And she feels like sinking, falling into the water like when he kissed her. Like when he fell from heaven and graced her life with something beautiful. She wants to sink back into the dirt with him.
Piper’s voice was gentle. Asking how he can be dead again. You don’t get it. He died four years ago, he died a year and a half ago. He died because you loved him. You don’t get it, he's been a dead man walking since the day we met. “I knew the prophecy before he did. He was claimed and the first thing I could think was ‘That’s him. He’s going to die.’ But then I loved him.” She doesn’t know why that’s the part that makes her cry.
He died. He was dead when you were 12, get over it get over it get over it get over it .
Piper snaps her out of her own thoughts. "Percy's not dead. Percy isn't dead Annabeth." She looks at her like she wants it to be true. Annabeth can’t place her faith in wants right now.
The first day on the Argo II was awkward. She stands next to Jason, who’s sitting with Piper as Leo shouts at them for PDA. She doesn’t fit in with them. They’re friends going to see a childhood home. Annabeth is going home.
This one's different for her than it is for them. She thinks they can tell, at least Piper can. And it feels gnawing, it's consuming the pits of her stomach, her lungs, her heart. He’s alive, alive, alive .
That's scarier than him being dead. He can still leave.
The only thing she can think about, that she will think about, when she sees his stupid face, is that he remembers. He remembers and he's here and he's not dead and he's alive.
And so is she.