Chapter Text
You looked down at your dimensional travel watch with a frown as it let out a beep. The text, “ANOMALY LOCATED ON E-1610” appeared on the screen, closely followed by, “STATUS: NOT DANGEROUS. PLEASE LOCATE AND REMOVE ASAP.”
“Great. Cool. Another random object probably.” You let out a sigh, your eye twitching. “At least I have something to do today.” You rolled out of bed and tore off your pajamas, swiftly replacing them with your Spider outfit. As soon as your second shoe was haphazardly pulled onto your foot, you jammed your thumb onto one of the buttons on your watch and typed, “1-6-1-0.” Immediately, a portal opened up in your room. It consisted of crisp, jagged shapes and swirling particles, humming and pulsing with otherworldly energy. Objects around your room began to float, the gravitational pull of the portal tugging them in. You strode through the vortex before your room could get messier than it already was, though that was probably not even possible.
Your feet made contact with concrete and you dropped into a crouch. An alleyway. You stood up and pressed your back to the wall, closing your eyes for a second to focus on your Spidey-Sense. Nothing.
You crept forward until you could poke your head around the side of the building. Your fingers flew across the screen of your watch. “Locate anomaly,” you breathed as you brought it to your face. The screen beeped and the text read, “SCANNING AREA.” Your eyes flickered from the screen to your surroundings from behind your mask, impatient. At last, it beeped once more and displayed a map of your immediate area from a bird’s eye view. It reminded you of the map app on your smartphone back in your dimension. A red dot sat motionless in what seemed to be a park. It was only a block away.
After scaling the apartment building you were next to, you began to make your way down the block, leaping from one rooftop to the next and melting into the shadows as much as you could.
Thick silk webs shot from your wrists and you pulled yourself to the next building with minimal effort. Sparing a few looks around, Earth-1610’s New York City appeared very similar to the one that you lived in.
You inadvertently furrowed your brow as you thought to yourself. Earth-1610… I feel like I should remember which Spider-Man lives here. The number rings a bell but I just can’t remember why it might be important. Ugh… oh well. As long as Miguel isn’t having any pop quizzes on the multiverse, I think it’s fine. Probably.
You looked at your watch. The red dot had begun moving around, nearing the street the park was next to.
“Hey, not a chair this time! Well, at least I hope not,” you muttered. “The fuck kind of universe has talking chairs anyway?” You shook your head to rid yourself of the memory. You aimed your hand at the large tree in the middle of the neighborhood park and zipped over the grass surrounding it. Huddled in the tree, you planted your feet on the branch. You combed the area with the gaze of a hawk, searching for any movement out of the ordinary; A squirrel scaling a tree. Children laughing on the play structure. A kitten springing into a bush. A large, pale man in a trench coat grabbing a traffic cone and dashing away with it, clutching the object to his chest like it might run away from him.
“Excuse me? What are you doing, exactly?”
The man let out a yelp of surprise. He spun around to find that you had appeared behind him, gazing at him in concern and puzzlement. He nearly dropped the traffic cone, only just managing to keep it from dropping onto his foot.
“Uhh- I was-! Sorry, I’m kind of new to this and-!” He stumbled over his words and brought the cone back to his chest.
You were in your civilian clothes, having thrown them over your spider-suit before sneaking up to him. You gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just saw you take that cone and was curious as to what you needed it for. Are you a… maintenance worker?”
“Oh, uh, yes! Wait no, that’s not- Well, I’m actually a criminal! No- a villain! Yes! That’s… that’s what I’m… that’s what I’m trying to do…” The man let out a sigh.
He was above average height, literally paper-white, incredibly lanky, and was covered in spots of black. Or were they holes..? He also did not have a face, instead having a large, singular spot of black in the middle. Strangely, the hole dilated and moved while he spoke, conveying his emotions like facial muscles would on a regular person.
“Oh, you’re a- a villain?” you said. “Sorry, I guess I’m not, um, familiar with this area’s criminals. I’m just…ah, visiting.”
“Oh! Well, I am absolutely a renowned criminal. Like, for instance, I am stealing this traffic cone! That’s pretty criminal, right?” He held out the cone with one hand for effect.
You frowned at the cone. “Can I ask why you’re stealing a cone..?”
“I’m Spider-Man’s nemesis! So, I do evil things and he has to track me down. Then we can finally have the showdown that he will never forget, and I can seek the revenge I so desperately crave.” The man’s fists clenched as he spoke, denting the traffic cone before it popped back into shape.
You chewed your lip to keep from laughing. That wouldn’t be professional! Plus, he sounded pretty passionate and you didn’t want to make him feel bad. You decided to change the subject.
“Okay… so, have you seen anything weird around here? Like… something that doesn’t look like it belongs in the park?”
The man’s face-spot dipped in on one side, giving the effect of raising an eyebrow “Something weird? You mean besides me? Hmm. I don’t think so..?” He brought a hand up to his head, using a finger to scratch under the fedora he was wearing.
“Alright, well, never mind about that then.” You looked him over, curiosity tugging at you despite yourself. “So, you don’t like Spider-Man? What’s he like?”
The man slammed the traffic cone onto the grass, denting it again. He crossed his arms and huffed. “I hate him! He’s a conniving and selfish little brat! He ruined my life! I mean, just look at me!” He threw his arms out in front of him, giving himself a once-over.
You took a step back at his intensity. You cleared your throat and gathered yourself. “Hey, c’mon, don’t say that! I don’t know what people look like here- er, I mean, like what style is in right now, but you seem cool to me! Your spots, or holes, or whatever, are very expressive and… um, captivating! Yes, you’re very… like, you stand out! In a good way, of course.”
The man looked blankly at you. You cleared your throat again to fill the awkward tension you had created. You tried to give him what you hoped was a comforting smile, but it might have been a little too forced.
Finally, he spoke. “Oh. Well, you think my spots are cool? Yes… Well, I suppose you’re right. They make me a very good villain, I think.”
You internally sighed with relief. “Oh, absolutely! Um, I will say that, uh, Spider-Man doesn’t typically deal with… people who commit very minor offenses. I think villains are usually more… large-scale. Well, they are where I’m from, anyway.”
“Hmm… oh, you’re right,” the man said. He deflated a little. “There’s no way I’ll get Spider-Man’s attention by just stealing a dumb old cone. I don’t even think it was even in use anymore anyway.”
Tentatively, you reached out a hand and placed it on the man’s shoulder. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up, man! I’m sure Spider-Man will realize eventually that you’re a… very important threat to him. I believe in you.”
The man had frozen at your touch, and you were worried that you had done the wrong thing. He brought a hand to his face-spot and looked away as though hiding a blush. Then, he cleared his throat.
“Thank you, stranger. I hope you’re right- no. I know you’re right. It was nice to meet you.” He took your hand from his shoulder and shook it with both of his. “I have to be on my way, then. Take care!” He waved at you as he dashed from the park, his fedora flying off his head in the process.
Smiling, you turned around, ready to return to your mission when you felt something bump against your leg. You looked down to find a very small, fuzzy kitten with enormous fangs protruding from its mouth. It bumped its face against your leg and mewed pitifully. The kitten suddenly shook as a glitch overtook its body, separating its atoms for a few milliseconds.
“Oh my goodness,” you whispered. “There you are. Let me get you out of here little guy.” You gently picked up the kitten with a hand while you slipped a disk from your pocket with the other. You made your way out of the park and to a shaded alleyway. You set the kitten down and dropped the disk, which instantly engulfed it in a holographic red cage.
“Bye, little dude! Now we’re both going home.” You opened the portal to your Earth’s number and waved goodbye to the sabertooth tiger kitten. You laughed and shook your head as you walked through the swirling vortex, thinking about what a strange mission you had just made for yourself.