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It was warm.
Damian gazed out the window as his hand wrapped around a steaming mug of hot chocolate. It was snowing outside. Damian had dressed for the weather, but the café had been toasty. He’d draped his scarf over the back of his chair and folded his coat up on his lap. His gloves were lying to the right of his mug and his beanie was sat on top of them. He’d have to put it all back on if he wanted to go outside. It was a bitter winter this year and Damian didn’t like the cold. He could barely stand it even with layers of clothing.
The café was quiet around this time of day. It was getting late into the evening and the customer arrivals were sparse. Damian liked it when the café was less crowded. That’s the only reason he was even here, considering his general distaste for the café’s menu. They had loads of options, but everything they brewed tasted cheap. If he was going to spend seven dollars on his drink, he wanted it to taste good. Unfortunately, not many of the drinks could live up to his expectations. Only the hot chocolate was tolerable. Even the iced water tasted like it came out of someone’s pool.
“So!” A voice caught his attention. “What’s next?”
Damian laid his eyes on a red-headed boy with a red tipped nose, freckles scattered across his face, and a smile on his lips. Damian found his own lips curving into a sardonic smile.
“What do you think about going to church?”
Colin snorted.
“Newsflash; I live in a church.”
“This one is different. It’s new and exclusive.”
“Yeah? Well, don’t leave me hanging. What’s got you interested this time?”
“There’s been rumors of blood rituals and sacrifices. That’s right up our alley.”
“Nice! So, a little investigative work then?”
“Yes. Hopefully we’ll uncover something and find some action.”
“It’s been a few weeks since we’ve found anything worth our time,” Colin sighed lamentedly. “Maybe this’ll be our break. You know, instead of another dead end.”
Damian agreed with a grunt as he swirled his straw through his hot chocolate.
“Are we going to hash out the details here? Or should we go somewhere else?”
“It’d be best if we left.”
Damian left his mug on the table, uncaring for the remaining contents, and slipped his coat back on. He wrapped his scarf around his neck and pulled his green beanie over his head. Then he put his gloves over his fingers. Colin waited patiently for Damian to finish before they were heading for the door. However, they didn’t leave without the manager stopping them. She called out to them from the counter. “There’s going to be a blizzard tonight! Maybe you should sit back down!”
“We’ll be fine, Jenny,” Colin insisted.
“Do you want me to call your parents? You shouldn’t have to wait for them out in the cold. Stay here for a little bit longer. We don’t mind.”
“Thanks, but we’re good!” Colin was eager to leave. He didn’t like the attention. Damian shared that in common with him. Since they were children, they got a lot of concern from adults. Not many children walked around without an older companion, and that’s because they were precious to society. Or so people liked to preach. Damian didn’t believe it. If it’d been true, then his mother wouldn’t have taught him to live like this. She would have coddled him from the womb. “We’ll probably be back tomorrow, though! You make the best hot chocolate! Damian loves it!”
Damian rolled his eyes. He did not love it.
“We’ll have one waiting for you!” Jenny promised with a smile.
Colin exited the café with Damian at his side. Their breath released in unison when they set foot on the sidewalk. It steamed up into the air. Damian tucked his hands into his coat pockets. Even if they were covered with gloves, his hands were the coldest part of his body. The winter air had a way of penetrating even the thickets layer of fabric. He never seemed to find any relief.
Damian was intent to head to their usual spot, a playground near Colin’s orphanage, but he paused when he saw a familiar man standing next to a vehicle.
Dick.
“Oh,” Colin sighed, shoulders slumping, “looks like we’ll have to wait.”
Damian turned to him sharply.
“10:00 PM, tomorrow night, Fortway Street,” he whispered hurriedly.
“10:00 PM?” Colin repeated.
Dick leaned off of the car and approached the two.
“Damian,” he said, faintly hiding his interest, “I didn’t know you had a friend. Is this where you’ve been going? You could’ve just told me, you know.”
Damian ignored him and glared at the ground.
Colin looked uncomfortable.
“Hi, I’m Dick. Damian’s older brother.” Dick held out a hand. Colin shook it. “Were you two going somewhere?”
“Uh, yeah.” Colin glanced between the two. “Home.”
“Ah. Do you need a ride? How far away do you live? It’s going to be cold tonight.”
“I live nearby, about two blocks from here,” Colin said. “Are you here to pick up Damian?”
“Yeah. I didn’t want him to stay out too late. There’s a blizzard coming in and you don’t want to mess with those. I would know. I got caught up in a couple.”
“That sounds like a story.”
Damian ignored the two, trudging his way to Dick’s car, and waiting mutely for the doors to unlock. Dick clicked his keys once he got the message, and the older man watched as Damian climbed himself up into the backseat. He pressed his lips together and his eyes looked old. Colin examined him curiously until he realized he’d been staring. Embarrassed, he scurried to join Damian. He hopped into the backseat and buckled himself in.
“Sorry – uh?”
“Colin.”
“Sorry Colin,” Dick apologized as he got into the driver’s seat. “I didn’t mean to zone out there. I’ve just got a lot on my mind. But you’re right, it is a story.”
Dick pushed his keys into the ignition.
“I’d tell you more about it but then you’d be stuck in here. How about we save it for another time?”
Colin tried to look friendly when he smiled.
“Sure.”
When Colin hopped out of the car, Damian didn’t bother bidding him farewell. He didn’t even look in his direction. If Colin was upset, he didn’t mention it. If anything, he seemed to be occupied with his own thoughts.
“You sure this is your place?” Dick was skeptical. He had rolled down his window to speak to Colin. “Isn’t this a church?”
“It’s a church – slash – orphanage.”
Dick winced. “Ah. Sorry. I didn’t realize –”
“No biggie.” Colin shrugged. “Thanks for taking me home.”
Colin gave Dick a wave before turning around and running up the stairs. Dick stared after him and made sure he got into the church okay. Once he was certain that Colin didn’t need any further assistance, he rolled his window up.
He looked up into the rearview mirror. “You going to stay in the backseat? There’s a front seat right here, ready for the taking.”
“I’m fine back here.”
Dick gave him a look and then lowered his gaze.
“Okay. Yeah. That’ll work too.”
Dick shifted the car out of parking gear and then started for home. Their ride was silent for the majority of the journey. Damian watched the falling snow and didn’t care to find a talking subject. He was too numb for it. Nothing was better than the silence, he believed. Unfortunately, Dick wasn’t content to let things be. By the time they were ten minutes away from the house, he began to speak.
“So, you made a friend? That’s nice. How did you guys meet?”
Dick shot Damian a look in the rearview mirror and Damian scoffed.
“Skip the small talk, Grayson. I know you want to interrogate me. Get to it.”
“That’s not – would it kill you to entertain light conversation? We don’t have to fight all the time.”
“I don’t care for light conversation.”
Dick stopped at a red light and rubbed his forehead. He leaned forward against the steering wheel and tried to refocus his attention on the street. It was difficult for him.
“Look, I just thought it was nice that you were making friends. I wasn’t trying to attack you or put you on the defense. I was just glad to find out you weren’t leaving the house for – for something else.”
Damian snorted.
“Like what? Assassinating people? Even after two years of living in this place, none of you think I’m telling the truth."
Damian leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. The light turned green. The car began to move.
“What? No. You made it clear that you’re not interested in following that path. And you’ve stuck to your guns from day one. Everybody’s noticed.”
Dick loosened his grip on the steering wheel.
“I was just worried. That’s all. I didn’t know if you were in trouble or if you needed help. You don’t tell me these things, so I’m left guessing.”
“What’s it matter to you? You don’t care.”
“I do care. I wouldn’t have tracked you down if I didn’t.”
Damian fell mute much to Dick’s frustration. He folded his arms and glared out the window.
Dick sighed. Then he changed topics.
“Are you hungry? I’m thinking about grabbing some food before we reach home.”
When Damian didn’t respond, Dick wanted to stop the car and shake Damian for answers.
What’s his problem?
This had been going on for too long. Damian had been avoiding him recently. Why?
Dick grabbed food like he’d promised. He bought Damian a salad since he knew he had preferences for healthier items. He then bought him a bottle of water because they didn’t have any other sugar-free drink options. Damian wasn’t appreciative of the items, though. He refused to take the bag when Dick offered it to him. The moment Dick parked in the driveway; he flew out of the car. He stormed into the house and left Dick sitting in the driver’s seat. Frowning and weary.
Dick spent a good five minutes just sitting there.
“How do I do this, Bruce?” He whispered. His eyes looked upward. “Tell me what to do please.”
Dick wiped a hand over his eyes and then he grabbed the fast food. He exited the car and locked it behind him. When he entered the foyer, Alfred was waiting for him. He stood with perfect posture. His face was unexpressive until he saw the bags in Dick’s hands.
“You bought dinner? I could have made a healthier meal.”
“I wanted something quick, and I thought Damian might like it. He… didn’t.” Dick held up a bag in offering. “I bought him a salad. He didn’t want it. Do you?”
Alfred studied it. “Why don’t you put it in the fridge for later?”
“You could just say you don’t.”
“I feel that Master Damian might appreciate a meal when he finds out I’ve thrown away all the older leftovers. It will be there for him when he comes sneaking down at night.”
“He sneaks down here?”
“Often.”
“At night?”
Dick ran a hand down the back of his neck. How had he missed this? When had he stopped paying attention to Damian, and when had he started?
“I’m going to eat in my room.”
“Don’t leave trash on your desk. It’s a prime spot for bugs and pests. We don’t want to have to pay an exterminator to come in when we can avoid the problem to begin with.”
“On second thought, maybe I’ll just eat in the drawing room.”
“Excellent idea, sir.”
Dick took a big bite out of his burger knowing that it was going to make him feel like crap later. He stared out into the abyss with the burden of thought weighing down upon his mind. Damian was always on the forefront of his mind these days, and for good reason. He was acting strange lately. Dodgy, too. Their relationship had always been off balance ever since Bruce had died, but had it ever been this bad? Dick had thought they were making some progress. Now, Damian was avoiding him. They got into arguments over the pettiest of things and Damian refused to spend too much time with him.
“I’ve been trying Alfred. I’ve really been trying.”
Alfred stepped into the drawing room, just as Dick had predicted, with a tray of food for himself, and a sympathetic frown on his face.
“I know you have,” he said.
Alfred sat the tray down on a small side table and lowered himself down for a seat.
“I just don’t know what’s going on with him. I thought we were going somewhere. I thought we’d gotten past this part in our relationship, but now we’re back to square one. What went wrong? Did I say something? Did we miss a step somewhere?”
“I don’t think you did anything wrong,” Alfred replied.
Dick couldn’t take another bite of his burger, so he attempted to make himself feel better with the sip of his drink. It bubbled up in his throat, and it felt too raw. He wished he’d just taken a drink out of Damian’s water instead. If he had, his stomach wouldn’t be acting up in the way that it was. Or maybe that was his emotions talking. He wasn’t sure. Nothing seemed right at the moment.
Dick sighed, put his drink down on his own end table, and then rubbed wrinkles into his forehead.
“He’s so much like his father.”
“In what way?”
“He refuses to communicate. Whatever is going on in his mind, that’s exclusive to him. He isn’t going to share what he’s feeling. He’s not going to give me an in, and I’m going to have to keep guessing until it all topples over itself. Like it always does.”
Dick rested his arms on his chair and slumped back.
“I miss Bruce a lot right now. He’d know what to do. You know, since they act in the same way.”
Alfred looked wholly unconvinced. “Perhaps.”
Dick glanced at him. “What’s that look?”
Alfred took a sip of tea. “What look?”
“That one. With your eyes.”
Alfred sighed and put his cup down. “Master Bruce would have brooded over the matter and then he would have created a nasty confrontation. Master Damian would most likely end up acting out, as he was wont to do, and then he would put on a show of taking on Master Bruce’s most difficult cases.” Alfred took off his gloves – slid them off – one by one. “It always ended up getting him into trouble.”
Alfred gazed upon Dick with a thoughtful eye.
“But your arguments with Master Damian have been rather tame at best,” he continued. “He’s yet to pull such a stunt. It is clear to me that he respects you, and that your opinion means a lot to him. Even if he doesn’t wish to admit it.”
Dick looked put off by this new information. Whatever he’d been expecting, it hadn’t been that.
“I think you should try to talk to him again.” Alfred finished.
“Talk to him?” Dick barked a surprised laugh. “I’ve tried. I’ve tried like – ten times already.”
“Well, try an eleventh then. And perhaps a twelfth after that. Just keep at it.” Alfred quirked a brow. “Besides, why deny what you were already planning to do? You’re nothing if resilient, Master Dick. And I know you haven’t given up on the boy. He means too much to you. To us.”
Dick studied Alfred before dropping his head in defeat.
“You know me too well,” he sighed.
Alfred picked up his teacup once more with a peaceful look on his face. It was true. Alfred did know Dick, which meant he knew, from the very beginning of the conversation, that Dick only wanted to vent, and that expressing his frustration was not equal to giving up. Dick loved Damian too much to let things go on like this, and he was probably missing him more than anything right now.
“Best get to it,” Alfred said.
“Right now?”
“There’s no better time than the present.”
“But he always turns me away when I knock on his door.”
“Try and try again, as they say.”
Dick looked skeptical and he raised his head to look at Alfred again.
Alfred met his gaze.
“What if it doesn’t work out? What if I drive him away?”
“He’s already being driven away. Now is the time to act. Before it’s too late.”
Damian hasn’t been this careless in a long time, but he’d left the door open mid-packing.
He’d wanted to prepare for the following night. That way, he’d just return home and grab his backpack. He wouldn’t have to waste time rummaging his room for important essentials. A camp-out required many things, and Damian would be better off packing the day before. He didn’t want to forget something last minute because he’d neglected to prepare. That would be a folly on his part, and Damian didn’t condone follies. He was better than that. He was supposed to be, anyways.
Damian paused at the thought.
Better, he mused. What does that even mean?
His whole life, he’d never tried to be better. Then his father messed things up, taught him morals and whatnot. Damian never would have had the weight of moral consciousness if he hadn’t come here, and he’d never have to deal with being abandoned by both parents. He’d still be with his mother, and they'd be happy together. She never would have thought he had betrayed her, and they’d spar with each other just like they used to. But now she’s separated from him, and his father is dead. He’d been left behind.
Damian dragged his backpack to the clearing of his room, but he found himself staring out the window. Mesmerized, he approached the glass panes. He stared up at the moon and the dim stars nearby. There weren’t very many, no thanks to light pollution. He knew what the sky actually looked like behind the veil of darkness. He could imagine a vast galaxy, glittering with stars. He could envision the constellations - the occasional passing of a floating satellite.
For a moment, he felt peace.
Then he heard the clearing of someone’s throat, and he froze.
“Damian? Can I come in?”
Damian didn’t turn around as Dick awaited a reply, and he didn’t give him an answer either. He was too busy lecturing himself for leaving the door open. The inward grimace said enough about how he felt.
“What you up to?”
Dick invited himself in after Damian hadn’t spoken, encouraged that Damian hadn’t dismissed him. His eyes traveled around the room, pausing over the destruction of Damian’s closet. Then they were floating over the floor, and the backpack centered amongst the littered chaos.
Damian didn’t think he was a disorganized person, but things got lost when he was thinking. He got too deep into his head. That would explain the mess on the floor, and the clutter he’d displaced in his closet.
“Damian,” Dick’s voice was weary.
Damian finally turned to address his intruder, and he noticed Dick’s eyes glued to his backpack. It was unzipped, splayed open for the world to see, and it probably wasn’t giving off any good signs.
Dick stared at the backpack for a good minute before he tore his gaze away. He schooled his expression, feigning a calm he certainly didn’t feel.
“Can we talk, buddy?”
Damian’s face hardened. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I disagree; there’s a lot to talk about.”
Damian could already feel a headache approaching on, and he was regretting his decision to keep the door open. It hadn’t been much of a decision, but his mistake was plain now. Damian would have to be more careful next time, and he’d have to be aware enough to prevent obvious slip-ups. It was sloppy that he’d neglected this process to begin with.
“You’re hiding something, Damian. I don’t know what it is, but it’s been affecting everything you do. I thought I’d just leave it alone, but then you started putting distance between us. You’ve been heading out every day for hours at a time, without telling us where you are. You also haven’t been answering text messages or calls. You take your trackers off. Your grades have been declining. Seriously man, what’s going on with you? Did something happen?”
Damian kept in a groan.
“Nothing happened.”
“Then why are you acting like I’m the bubonic plague? We haven’t spent a day out together in – in months. I thought we were doing good. What changed?”
Damian felt irritation spike up in his blood. It was always annoying when Dick started pushing for answers, and the last thing he wanted to do was ‘spill’ his heart out. Damian wasn’t in the mood for this, and he never would be. Dick was better off playing caped crusader, investigating actual cases, instead of the little brother ‘riddle’, or whatever euphemism that was comparable to such.
Dick bent down to pick up Damian’s backpack. “Are you planning on running away?”
Damian closed the distance between them and snatched it from his hand. “And if I was? Why would it even matter to you? Why do you keep persisting?”
“You’re my kid brother –”
“I am not your brother. We were never brothers.”
A flash of hurt. Damian almost felt guilty, but he was too angry.
“Just go,” he grit his teeth.
“Damian.”
“Why can’t you follow simple instructions?” Damian fumed. “Don’t you understand that you’re not welcome?”
“I’m worried about you.”
Damian bitter laugh stopped Dick before he could continue.
“I’m no fool. You don’t have to pretend. You feel responsible for me – so that’s why you continue this façade of yours. That’s why you act like you care.”
Dick’s face twisted with confusion.
“I do care. It’s not pretending, bud. It never was. “
“Stop lying,” Damian hissed. “You don’t want me. Nobody not even – Father he – he…” Damian shut his mouth. What was he even saying right now? “Just leave.”
“Damian, are you kidding me right now?”
Dick gently grabbed the backpack from Damian’s hands and then plopped it on the floor. Then he was tilting Damian’s chin up, and Damian couldn’t let it happen without putting a defiant look on his face. If Dick thought he could scold him right now, he was dead wrong. Damian wouldn’t be perturbed.
“When have I ever suggested I didn’t want you, huh? What’s this really about? Why would you ever think that I don’t care about you and that I’ve been pretending that I do?”
Damian tore his chin away from Dick’s hand.
His heart was thumping. He was nervous.
“And what’s all this nonsense about your father? He wanted you too. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. And he never would have taken you in.”
“He took me in, yes. Out of responsibility. Just like you.”
Damian looked up at him with a heated glare.
“So don’t act like we’re a happy family, Grayson. We’re not.”
Dick’s eyebrows were drawn together in perplexity.
“Let me get this straight. Are you mad at me because you think I don’t love you and that I don’t want you around?”
“What?” Damian’s heat died. He was off balance. Half of Dick’s statement was true, but the other was fabricated. When had he ever suggested this had anything to do with love? “What kind of conclusion is that?”
“The kind that comes up when you have to do all the guesswork yourself.” Dick sighed. “You’re getting worked up over nothing, kiddo. Yes, you’re my responsibility. But what of it? That doesn’t change how I feel.”
Dick tested boundaries by putting a hand on Damian’s shoulder. Damian didn’t budge but he didn’t look happy either.
“Damian, you’re a good kid. One of the best I know. You’re smart and loyal. You’ve got a big heart and sometimes people try to take advantage of that. I’ve seen it happen and I know that’s why you like to close yourself off but – but this?” He gestured between the both of them. “It’s forever, Damian. It’s not temporary. We’re two peas in a pod. You don’t have to close yourself off to me.”
Damian’s gaze was strong on Dick’s, but something in his eyes wavered with hesitance.
“Richard,” he said, voice fallen. He sounded tired.
Dick slowly lowered himself down to Damian’s eye-level.
“We’re a family, Damian. You're important to me. So please, don’t run away.”
Damian snorted half-heartedly.
“I wasn’t planning on running away.”
Dick released Damian’s shoulder and studied him. He looked comforted. Damian’s words had done that to him.
Damian didn’t want to tell him that, after his mission with Colin, he’d been planning to do the exact opposite, and that the two had planned a whole route to a different city. They’d do it after they’d found enough money, the kind Damian’s siblings couldn’t track. Damian had wanted a new start. He’d wanted to get away and to be alone. He’d been the leftover from a previous marriage, an unwanted addition. He was certain Dick was only taking care of him because he felt like he owed his father something, and that was the end. There wasn’t more to it.
But maybe there had been.
“Good. You belong here. Remember that.”
When had anyone ever said that to him? In similar word usage or meaning?
Perhaps he was feeling too sentimental for someone of his background.
“Well,” Dick began, rising, “now that we’ve actually talked maybe we can start doing our aquarium visits again and –”
Whatever he was going to say next was interrupted by Damian surging forward to wrap his arms around him. He planted his face in Dick’s stomach. Quickly, he wondered if his decision was the correct one. He didn’t hug people often, and rarely did he express his gratitude in such a manner. He also didn’t let his emotions get the best of him like this, but he was feeling okay for the first time in months. That was better than the lonely misery he’d been rolling around in. Maybe this had been the appropriate response, or maybe he was acting out of character.
Over-thinking the act, he sought to pull himself away.
But then Dick was falling down again, wrapping his arms around Damian. He pulled him into a crushing hug. He cupped the back of his head and tucked his face into his neck. The strength behind his embrace was a message in itself.
“You know,” he began, softly, “if you had left, I would have chased you.”
“You wouldn’t have found me.” Damian returned. His confidence was amusing because Dick laughed. His body shook with it and Damian could feel it through their hug. He found it comforting.
“I call fib.” Dick teased.
They held onto each other a little longer. Dick sighed into his hair peacefully and never moved away.
This is nice.
Damian wondered why he didn't hug people more often. Dick, specifically. No wonder the man was always trying to invite him into it.
Dick smiled warmly at him when they separated.
“So. If you weren’t packing to run away, what were you packing for?”
Damian closed off immediately.
“That's none of your business.”
“Aw, come on. Did we not just have a heart-felt discussion about open communication?” Dick was clearly disappointed. “You’ve got to meet me half-way, kiddo.”
Damian pressed his lips together. He really didn’t want Dick to know what he was going to do tomorrow night but… ugh.
“I’m going on a stake-out tomorrow to investigate rumors about –”
“A stake-out? Damian! You’ve been patrolling? Without your trackers!?”
“I – How is this relevant?”
Dick groaned and smacked his head against Damian’s shoulder. Damian blinked as his older brother smeared his cheek all over his shirt. “You’re so much trouble.”
“Well,” Damian stiffened, offended, “you shouldn’t have asked.”
“Actually, I’m glad I asked. Because I’m going with you.”
“No. No you’re not.”
Dick laughed.
“Yes. Yes I am.”