Chapter Text
“Nii-san, can’t you do something about it?! At this point Alban-nii’s going to be in danger!”
Luca’s concentration in brushing after Augustus’ mane is pretty much broken when their youngest brother barges into the room, looking all flushed and obviously in panic. Now what is it that brings the boy here this time?
Their family is an odd one, Luca must admit. When he was appointed to be the next head of the Kaneshiro family, he wasn’t expecting anything from his younger siblings. But then Alban suddenly decided to aid him by smoothening down the succession process, subsequently turning him into the infamous ‘Great Phantom Thief’.
And really, Luca really, absolutely didn’t expect anything from his younger siblings. But then came Saiki with his whole edgy teenage phase entering puberty, loudly exclaiming that he’s trying to break free from the family’s “dishonest” way of living; Saiki decided to be a hero—a vigilante.
Even an evil mafia boss such as Luca himself is well aware that a hero is not exactly welcomed in the society; while they look cool doing whatever they’re doing, the damage they cause to the community in the process of ‘righting the wrongs’ is more than the initial misfortune of getting robbed in broad daylight.
Nonetheless, Luca fully supported Saiki’s decision, even though him and Alban had to bear with the constant naggings coming from their younger brother.
Eventually though, they’re oddly settled with their fully functional dysfunctional family setting, having both crime-doers and a not-so-legal law-enforcer in the registry, and truly Luca wishes for their only sister to live a normal life for them.
(And then Yotsuha suddenly announces to her brothers that she successfully made her debut as a high school idol, Luca doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the turn of events.)
So where was he again? What was he doing and what happened again?
Ah right. Their younger brother barged into his room yelling about Alban being in trouble or something.
… Although Luca very much doubts Alban would get into actual trouble. Alban’s much too slippery to be caught by common officers.
“Nii-san!”
“Okay! Alright! Calm down, you’re making Augustus agitated,” Luca raises both hands in defeat. “What’s going on with Alban?”
Saiki cringes instantly, as if being reminded of a memory he very much wishes to erase from his mind, before he mutters out under his breath.
“I was doing my night patrols when I saw Alban-nii clocking out from his konbini—”
Luca nods with a hum, Alban’s been toning down on his heists ever since Saiki’s doing more and more of his hero stuff. Their second brother decided to live the way of an honest man, integrating into his (originally made-up) role as a konbini manager to earn money in a proper manner.
“—and then I saw this extremely suspicious man with a mask and a cap loitering around in front of the konbini entrance.”
“... Okay…?”
“And at first I did think that the man looked familiar! But he was wearing a hooded jacket and I couldn’t really make out his frame, and I didn’t get the chance to question his behavior because he immediately went into the konbini.”
“Uh-huh…?”
‘Where is this thing going? Is Alban getting a… stalker…?’
“And then the strange man asked Alban-nii a few questions, before he suddenly reached out for nii-chan—”
“...!”
“—and all of a sudden he’s got Alban-nii in handcuffs!”
“... Huh?”
Luca blinks in confusion. So… The strange man is not a stalker…? Wait. He’s got Alban in handcuffs? Did Alban get arrested by an undercover cop then?
“And that’s not all,” Saiki winces, “the handcuffs are heart-shaped!”
“What?”
‘So he got captured by a weird kinky pervert?! That’s kinda pog, but not really?!’
“And when the man told Alban-nii to walk out faster, that’s when I realized as to why the man seemed to be familiar,” Saiki frowns, “turns out it’s the VSF commander.”
“... Oh…” Luca lets out after a few seconds of silence. “Oh, shit.”
‘Oh shit, Alban got captured by a weird kinky pervert indeed.’
So now they have two choices, either to bail Alban out of the prison or to break Alban out of the prison. Luca managed to calm Saiki down after the boy’s mini meltdown.
“Tetchan, it’s okay. This is Alban we’re talking about. I’m sure he’s got things under control, he’ll probably be able to break out of VSF within a day or two!”
“Nii-san, you don’t understand! Just a few days ago I saw that weird cop cornering Alban-nii,” Saiki flailed, Luca had this feeling that the boy’s about to go out for a smoke real soon. “And when I thought he’s going to arrest Alban-nii, he forced a kiss on nii-chan instead! It was open mouthed and so wet too!”
Luca winced. He didn’t need the mental image.
“Well… One way or another, I’m sure he’ll break himself out of jail. I’m sure of it, so calm down and uh… Do your homework? Do you have any homework due tomorrow?”
“Nii-san!”
“Look! If he doesn’t come back within three days we’re bailing him out, okay?”
And it’s been five days and VSF has been constantly rejecting their bail request. Luca’s so tempted to go into territorial war with VSF, but on the other hand he can’t really drag Saiki into this whole mess when this is technically Alban’s fault for getting caught in the first place.
Luca huffs. Being an older brother is hard.
Had this been years ago when there were only Luca and Alban in the house, he would’ve been much more reckless with his approach, only because he knows that Alban is strong and agile enough to avoid all the upcoming mess crawling after.
But now, things are different. They’ve got two younger siblings, still in high school, with a bright future that they need to protect. (While it’s still debatable for Saiki, at least Luca knows that Yotsuha is walking the bright path.)
Which pretty much means, drilling a hole into VSF’s prison wall is not an option.
Luca sighs for the nth time that day, propping his side against the reception desk as he speaks to the officer wearing a snowman head.
“Look, officer, you’re tired of seeing me, I’m tired of walking into this building everyday. What about we stop being so unpog and you let me see your commander for a bit?”
“The commander said that you have to make an appointment before scheduling a meeting with him,” the snowman-officer answers.
“Pog! Now we’re getting somewhere! So, when’s his availability for a… um, discussion?”
“The commander explicitly stated that, if Kaneshiro’s looking for him then he’s available roughly…” Snowman-officer looks down at his note and turns back towards Luca with a bright smile, “in ten years.”
“... I’m going to declare a territorial war due to how unpog VSF is being right now—”
“Sir,” the snowman-officer says with a gentle tone, “your brother is doing alright.”
Luca stares down at the smiling snowman, millions of doubts clouding his mind. His brother? Alright? When he’s very much locked inside VSF, a special force very much notorious for their sadistic approach where they’d rather, quote unquote, 'shoot first and ask questions later’?
‘They even had special rooms built for me and Alban in their basement!’
“He is doing fine.” Snowman-officer nods. “The commander wouldn’t let any harm befall him. We’re not even allowed to approach the phantom thief without his permission. Which is such a pity, because he’s such a delightful company to have around…”
Luca raises an eyebrow. “He… prevents my brother from interacting with other people? That’s two unpogs in a row there.”
“More like the commander is keeping other people away from the phantom thief,” the snowman-officer glances around before he leans in and lowers his voice. “In fact… The phantom thief playfully flirted with the receptionist before me, and the commander was not happy about it.”
“Did Alban get in trouble for that?” Luca whispers as well, his eyes wide in concern. The snowman-officer shakes his head and replies with a grim tone.
“No. Our previous snowman-guy got fired that very second.”
… That doesn’t make any sense.
“What?” Luca straightens up, his head cocked slightly to the side. “You’re making it sound as if your commander is jealous or something.”
The snowman-officer doesn’t respond, he only sits straight with that same professional smile, the very same—obviously trained—posture from when Luca first enters the VSF building. Luca realizes that he’s not going to spill any more information, perhaps in fear of being fired like their previous receptionist.
‘Jealous…? But that’s impossible. … Although…’
“And when I thought he’s going to arrest Alban-nii, he forced a kiss on nii-chan instead!”
Luca’s eyes widen as Saiki’s words replay themselves inside his mind. So maybe the possibility is there after all?
“It was open mouthed and so wet too—”
“Aargghhh!! Unpog! Unpog! Saiki Ittetsu, I swear to god! You’re killing me, you’re killing your brother here!”
Despite Luca and Saiki’s constant silent bickering—they agreed not to drag Yotsuha into this mess, it’s bad enough that they have to constantly hide their identity from their only sister—the two brothers managed to make up some bullshits about Alban going on a trip with his work friends.
But Luca would be lying if he says he’s not worried. It’s been a week, and there’s still no sign of Alban returning to their safe abode anytime soon.
And now the three of them are seated at the dining table, munching quietly on their dinner as the television plays some random thriller-comedy zombie movie. Luca stopped questioning their little sister’s taste in their ‘in-meal entertainments’ after the first three Final Destination movies.
“... Nii-san, should I break nii-chan out of VSF after all?” Saiki mutters in between chewing.
“Don’t. It would be even more troublesome if articles start popping out about how the heroes are standing in the way of law,” Luca whispers through gritted teeth.
“But Alban-nii!” Saiki hisses.
“We’ll find a way. Somehow,” Luca huffs out.
Their little siblings are much more well-behaved when Alban’s around. He misses his little bro already. When are you coming back from war, Alban?
And as Luca ponders over plots and plans to bring Alban out from his demise, the doorbell suddenly rings twice. Yotsuha places her chopsticks on her bowl before standing up from her seat.
“I’ll get the door!” The highschool idol calls out happily as she pads towards the front door.
“Nii-san,” Saiki almost slams the spoon against the table surface. “I can’t take this anymore. It’s been a week!”
“I’m well aware, Tetchan…”
“Within those one week so many things could’ve happened! What if that weird cop did something during their interrogation session? What if he forced himself on Alban-nii—”
“AHH! Tetchan, please!” Luca buries his face into his palms. “Gore is one thing, but imagining my brother with some other man during mealtime is another thing altogether!”
“—but the possibility is there! We have to save—”
“Oh? You’re back? Is that your work friend, nii-chan?”
At Yotsuha’s bright tone, both Luca and Saiki snap their heads. Although… Work friend? The two brothers share a glance before they immediately make a dash towards the front door. And lo and behold, the very much masked man is standing behind a flustered Alban, shooting the two brothers a gentle smile. (Luca and Saiki shudder instantly.)
“Um, I’m home? And,” Alban wets his lips as he steps aside, gesturing for the yellow-haired cop to step forward to his side, “this… is my… husband.”
The three other siblings blink, Yotsuha gasps and clasps her hands excitedly.
“Your husb–”
“YOUR WHAT?!”
Alban winces at his brothers’ booming voice. Luca glares at Sonny, who only smiles smugly at the mafia boss, while Saiki looks like he’s on the verge of passing out.
“Look. Listen,” Alban sighs. “Let us all have a proper talk about this inside, shall we?”
“Married? What do you mean by you’re married?!”
Saiki screams, and Alban genuinely wonders what is it that agitates the younger male so much. Looking at the amount of time and experience with dealing with VSF, the news should’ve shocked Luca more. But why is Saiki’s soul floating out of his body right now?
“It is exactly as he says,” Sonny slides out a paper—a marriage registration form—on top of the coffee table. Luca takes the sheet with a trembling hand. “We registered our marriage earlier this morning, the approval came just an hour ago. We couldn’t wait to share the happy news until another day, so we decided to drop by Alban’s siblings’ house before he moves into my place.”
“... Drop by where before what into where?” Luca blinks.
“Drop by your house before he moves into mine.” Sonny answers with a smile.
“Who?”
“Alban.”
“Alban what?”
“Alban moving into my place. After all,” Sonny wraps an arm around Alban’s waist, pulling the smaller male flushed against his side. “It is only proper for newlyweds to spend their honeymoon phase sticking close to each other, right?”
Alban winces when he sees Saiki about to start foaming from his mouth. The paper in Luca’s hand seems to be about to tear up from the strength he’s exerting. No wonder Sonny asked for copies of the document earlier, he seems to have seen through the whole thing beforehand.
At least Yotsuha seems to be happy about the whole thing…
“Oh, are you guys going on a honeymoon trip soon? But it’s sad that you didn’t have any proper wedding ceremony…”
“We can hold one later when all family members can make it to the ceremony,” Sonny nods with a practiced smile. Yep, Yotsuha’s definitely taken by the gentleman facade he’s putting on right now.
“I see! I’ll be looking forward to it then,” Yotsuha turns to Alban with a genuine smile. “I’m so glad Alban-nii finally found someone to be with for the rest of his life!”
At the mention of the last part, Saiki snaps out of it and straightens up. He turns to Luca with wide eyes, only to find that his oldest brother is staring at him with a serious expression himself.
‘The rest of his life? As if we’ll let it be!’
Under the table, Luca and Saiki shake hands, silently agreeing that they’re going to break this marriage no matter what.
"a marriage registration form?!"