Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

AN: Just fished the Konosuba light novels just came in so why not make a story I've been thinking of?

PS: This is a fic I made months ago when I was bored but never posted because I wasn't sure it was good enough. But I figured why not post something while I try finishing chapters in my other stories?

Chapter 1

Kazuma trudged through the snow with Megumin, Darkness, and Aqua beside him. Those three were the second most chaotic group he knew and yet they still drove him batty some days. Darkness while having a rocking body that he'd love to see more of if it wasn't for her rather depraved antics, now he believed in equality and didn't want to kink shame anyone but there was only so much he could take when it came to her masochism. Aqua was another busty beauty with an upbeat attitude but he could not stand her constant nagging, her tendency to taunt him at every opportunity, and most of all her uselessness. If she's not healing or explaining some fact after it was needed she was drinking, eating, doing party tricks, and worst of all putting them into debt. Megumin, now he had a lot he could say about her, She's flat as a board, a massive chuuni, self-proclaimed genius, a glass cannon, a one-shot wonder, kinda cute in her own way, and an arch wizard with an amazing spell but also the only spell she knew. She was obsessed with explosion magic and while awesome and cool she could only cast it once a day. Now don't get him wrong he'd much rather be with them than the other group, he'd never tell them that though. The group that was worse in his opinion was his whole family. His father, mothers, and siblings never made his life easy. Yes, that's right mothers as in more than one. The only good thing was he never had to deal with them anymore, or so he hoped.

They were hunting winter sprites to pay off the debts they received when Aqua's water spell destroyed the outer Gate. Each sprite was worth one hundred thousand; if they got enough, it would put a sizable dent in the debt. Kazuma looked around as they made their way to the marked location and frowned it looked like they were the only group who took the quest. He didn't mind an easy quest but given their recent track record, the group would probably run into something stupidly overpowered like some super yeti. Once in position, the plan was put into motion Darkness would pull as many as she could in, and once enough was there Darkness moved from the middle reluctantly and Megumin prepared her explosion while Kazuma picked off the stragglers. Aqua was capturing them for a scheme she had.

"Explosion!" The ground shook as the large crowd of sprites was wiped off the map in a mushroom cloud-like explosion.

"Good… job, yeah that's about right." Kazuma sighed as Megumin fell face-first into the snow. "Aqua… Keep doing what you're doing I'm going to make sure she doesn't suffocate." Kazuma ducked the stupid sprites and quickly crouched and turned Megumin over.

"Kazuma stay crouched and drop your sword!" Aqua called in a panic as he was about to stand.

"Wha, Why?" Kazuma looked around and saw a massive figure moving toward them.

"It's the Winter Shogun! Do not show any hostility!" Aqua cried.

"Why the hell is a samurai here?!" Kazuma was terrified that thing was huge.

"Whenever someone comes over from Japan their thoughts can affect this world and this was one of the changes." Aqua quickly explained.

"Do not worry I shall protect you all." Darkness jumped in front of Kazuma and Megumin shaking from 'excitement' with her sword ready. Kazuma knowing they didn't have a chance against that thing got up and quickly pushed Darkness into a crouch but then everything went dark.

[

It was like a repeat of the start of his journey Kazuma sat on a wooden chair facing a girl on a throne. The girl however was already making a better impression than Aqua. She looked generally sorry for him and got up greeting him with a small bow. Kazuma however hadn't been this annoyed since before he left home living in that house with his father and his multiple mothers plus a bunch of rather crazy siblings was a nightmare. It didn't help that he was the eldest son either so he was always forced to watch his siblings while all he wanted to do was either game or watch anime while his older sisters got to do whatever they wanted to do.

"Oh crap I died again." Kazuma dropped his head in resignation.

"I am the Goddess of Fortune Eris and I am deeply sorry. To end up here so soon after making the sacrifice to try and help this world, Kazuma… Sato, odd there was another name there a second ago." Eris explained.

"You're the goddess everyone talks about," Kazuma remembered hearing a few adventurers pray to her before going on quests.

"Yes, they are my followers. You came all the way from Japan only for this to happen I am sorry for failing you in your time of need." Eris brought her hands up in prayer. Kazuma was stunned first at the greeting and now Eris actually seems sad that he died. She was a far better Goddess than Aqua.

"If it is what you desire I can resurrect you into a loving wealthy family back in Japan," Eris explained. Kazuma ran over and cupped her hands causing the goddess to blush.

"Really?! Can you make it so I have maxed out stats... no can you make it so I don't have any annoying siblings, or maybe just a loving little sister who doesn't treat me like I'm some personal errand boy?!" Kazuma was so excited he collapsed on his chair. "Man when I heard the deal for this world I was so excited but instead I got a whiny narcissistic goddess, a girl obsessed with explosions and a masochistic knight with worse aim than one of my moms. After we defeated that general I thought it would be easy living but The debt from the damages forced us to stay in the stables even though it's winter now. Man, the balance of that world was wack." A tear slid down his cheek. "Huh, why… Oh no." Kazuma couldn't contemplate why he was crying as he noticed a small doll with spikey red hair that filled him with dread peeking from behind Eris's throne.

"Finally!" Aqua's voice rang out. "Kazuma I know you're in there I cast resurrection already so come back!"

"Aqua!" He was saved or doomed he wasn't quite sure Momma Washu already knew everything.

"You can't the laws of heaven forbid it." Eris quickly explained.

"Did you hear that Aqua I can't! Eris says the laws won't allow it." Kazuma reported back.

"Wait Eris that little upstart!? Tell her if she doesn't send you back I'm going to tell all her followers she pads her bra!" Aqua cursed.

"Wait is that true? / Alright, I'll send you back!" Kazuma asked as Eris allowed the resurrection to happen. Kazuma felt his body pulled back to the land of the living. "Please keep this a secret!?/Those are pads!?"

After Kazuma left Eris handed the doll a small letter and sat down with a sigh. "Lady Aqua can be so mean."

[

"KAZUMA!" Darkness and Meguimin both hugged him as he awoke. It was the strangest thing ever normally they were scolding him for his bad behavior. He looked around and saw a big blood stain and decided he didn't want to know. He also noticed some blood stains on Megumin which was odd. Was she sprayed with his blood? The thought made Kazuma's already anxious stomach churn.

"I'm back but Maybe you can let me up it's freezing and I want to get back to the guild as soon as possible." Kazuma half lied, he did want to get away as soon as possible thinking that Momma Washu was already on her way.

"What not even a thank you for a great goddess like me?" Aqua huffed.

"Thank you Aqua." They all stared at Kazuma like he grew a second head as he stood up. "Come on let's go I really don't want to die again so soon. Can you walk?" He pulled Megumin up, she was already moving so likely Aqua had given her some energy but she stuck to him like glue. "Fine, I'll carry you." He sighed. As long as they got away he didn't mind carrying her.

"Aqua what's wrong with Kazuma?" Darkness asked in a hushed voice.

"He probably saw how great I am HAHAHA!" Aqua boasted.

[

Aqua and darkness quickly took the lead leaving Kazuma with his thoughts. The trek back to the city wasn't too bad but it was long enough for kazuma to come up with an escape plan if needed. Kazuma didn't hate his mom but she was just so overbearing at times and that wasn't including the experiments she had him and his younger brother help with. He wouldn't be shocked if he had also moved out as soon as he could hopefully, however, he was talking about running away the last time they talked. He just chalked it up to Washu's DNA after all one of his other moms was Washu's daughter created via cloning. He didn't try to think about that… it was better for what sanity he had left. Slowly he started humming a lullaby he used to hear a lot as an infant and child.

"Kazuma…" Meguimin was about to tell him about a staring pinkish red haired lady who started following him but the lady pressed her finger to her lips.

"Yeah?" Kazuma asked.

"Uh…" The lady had a devious smile. And whispered, "Ask what he's humming." Megumin was weirded out but also didn't want anything bad to happen and complied. "What is that you're humming?"

"Oh, that. It's a lullaby my mom used to sing to me while I was young." Kazuma chuckled awkwardly.

"Umm is it humming or were there actual lyrics?" Megumin was curious she remembered the songs her mom would sing to her little sister.

"I don't think you'd like it." Kazuma tried deflecting the question it'd be too awkward to sing it while carrying her.

"~Please~" Megumin wanted to know and she was prepared to cause another scene if necessary.

"No."

"Please, please, please, please, please."

"Argh fine." Kazuma didn't want another frog incident.

"April roses, tiny sparrows

Comets bright and new

All belong together

With the mystery that is you

When I see your little face

I hear a song from long ago

I think you know

The many secrets I've forgotten" Kazuma decided to sing just that much hoping that would shut her up.

"Generations through the ages
Joined as one somehow
Leading to the miracle
That I am holding now
From the sky and from the sea
Upon a breeze you came to me
You seem to see
A greater universe than I do" Someone continued and his blood froze.

"Me-Megumin I… I didn't know you knew that lullaby…" He was praying that it was just a common song here.

"That wasn't me Kazuma it was the weird pink-haired lady here," Megumin confessed. 'Why's he so afraid… wait is this… He he he this will be fun.'

"P-P-Pink haired l-l-lady?" Kazuma stuttered. 'So soon how? She's here and I can't just ditch Megumin I'd be caught and likely punished.'

"Howdey Kazuma!" His mother suddenly appeared in front of him. Her cat-like smile made him shudder. 'Whatever you're thinking it's not like that!' she quickly went to 'work' looking him over up and down and poking him in random places.

"See I told you if you just tried a little bit you would grow pretty fast, these clothes and pretty bag but there's no hiding the muscles you've started growing but then again you are your father's son." she leaned in and whispered. "I see you also got his charms huh."

"I-It's not like that!" Kazuma blurted out in embarrassment catching Darkness and Aqua's attention.

"Wha... Whos that?" Darkness asked, watching some girl poke Kazuma. He seemed embarrassed. 'That should be me I can take far more punishment than Kazuma can.'

"I don't know," Aqua replied. She headed to Kazuma's aid hoping maybe he'd give her some of his reward for helping him. "Hey, why are you picking on poor Kazuma?"

"Huh? Nonsense I'm not picking on him I'm just taking some notes on his growth." Washu explained. "Every mother should take an interest in their son's physical and romantic growth."

"ROMANTIC!?" Kazuma and Megumin shrieked in unison.

"MOTHER?" Aqua was confused this wasn't the dark blueish grey-haired woman she saw with his dad.

"Yup yup! I'm Washu Hakubi Masaki the greatest scientist in the whole universe and Kazuma's mother!"

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

Adventure’s guild

Kazuma sat in a chair dejectedly now that his grand escape plan had failed. He could feel three sets of judging eyes on him and his mom's Cheshire smirk even with his eyes shut. He fiddled with his fingers coming up with dozens of excuses but each time he ran a scenario his moms unpredictably caused them to crash and burn. Being smart and cunning meant nothing when you were up against Washu Hakubi Masaki the self-proclaimed greatest scientist in the whole universe. He could feel his mother’s amused gaze, the burning curiosity from Megumin, the uncharacteristically silent confusion from Darkness, and Aqua’s ever-present judgmental glare. Washu sat across from him at the guild table, sipping a cup of tea she had somehow acquired out of nowhere. Her smirk hadn't left her face since she revealed herself, and Kazuma could swear he saw the glint of scientific curiosity in her eyes. He was doomed.

"So, Kazuma, tell me," Washu started, resting her chin on her hands. "You’ve been gone for how long now? And not a single letter? I had to track you down myself."

“You know damn well I couldn’t!” Kazuma shot back.

Washu’s smirk grew even more and he shivered. “Now you can fool everyone else, but don’t think for a minute I’m fooled by you’re average teen persona. I’m your mother and I know when you’re downplaying your intelligence.”

Kazuma groaned, rubbing his face. "I was trying to live a normal life! You know, like an average adventurer—not some weird super genius lab experiment!"

Aqua, who had been surprisingly quiet, suddenly leaned forward, slamming her hands on the table. "Wait, wait, wait— Kazuma ? A genius ? Are we talking about the same Kazuma?! The Kazuma who tried to steal panties and got beaten for it?!"

Washu chuckled, eyes twinkling with amusement. "Oh, Aqua, Aqua, Aqua~" she sang. "You have no idea how much of an act this little rascal puts on. He’s a lot smarter than he lets on, and I have years of test data to prove it."

Kazuma shot up. "I knew those exams were rigged!"

"Not at all," Washu said sweetly. "You just inherited a little too much of my intelligence for your own good."

Darkness looked at Kazuma with something akin to hurt “You lied to us?”

Kazuma shook his head. “I didn’t lie it’s just when people know you’re smarter than them people start acting differently. Let's not even get started on my mess of a family and our status.”

Megumin was the first to recover from her shock. "Status? What status?" She leaned in, eyes gleaming with curiosity. "Kazuma, are you secretly a prince or something? No, wait, don't tell me—you're the heir to some ancient, powerful bloodline? Maybe the lost scion of a hidden kingdom?!"

Kazuma groaned louder, dragging his hands down his face. "No, nothing like that, Megumin. Just drop it."

Aqua, however, was already narrowing her eyes at him. "Kazuma… you're acting shadier than usual. Are you hiding something big? Some great noble lineage? Some long-lost fortune?" Then she gasped dramatically. "Wait! Don't tell me you're actually a bastard prince! That would explain why you’re such a disappointment!"

Kazuma shot Aqua a deadpan glare. "First of all, screw you, Aqua. Second, no, I’m not a prince, nor am I a bastard noble. My family is just… complicated."

Washu took another sip of her tea, looking far too entertained by the situation. "Oh, come now, Kazuma, don’t be so modest. You’re the eldest son of the Masaki family, after all."

Silence, then Aqua shouted all of a sudden, "The MASAKI family?!"

Kazuma banged his head against the table again. "Damn it, Mom!"

"The Masaki family? The same Masaki family that rules the Jurain Empire? That Masaki family?! Oh god, Kami, buddha, satan, Zeus, Yahweh, heavenly father WHAT HAVE I DONE!!” Aqua started hyperventilating, they were under Tsunami’s jurisdiction and she had grabbed his soul to meet a quota!!

Kazuma slammed his hands on the table and dragged his so-called goddess away from the group. "Oh, NOW you realize you screwed up?! Took you long enough!"

Aqua grabbed the sides of her head, shaking in panic. "No, no, no, this can't be happening! The Jurain Empire? That's a TYPE-3 civilization! They're practically untouchable! Do you have any idea how many divine laws I broke when I grabbed your soul to be transferred to this world?! If they find out, I'm gonna be in SO MUCH TROUBLE!"

Washu, still sipping her tea, hummed thoughtfully. "Oh, don’t worry, Aqua. I already filed the necessary reports." She pulled out a holographic data tablet from seemingly nowhere, displaying some kind of divine ledger. "Tsunami and I had a chat. She found the whole situation hilarious by the way. You're clear... for now."

Aqua visibly deflated, before perking up with an indignant glare. "Wait, you spoke with Tsunami? The Tsunami?!"

"Of course," Washu said smugly. “She's technically one of my husband's other wives.”

“Wha…” Aqua’s eyes started spinning and she passed out.

Kazuma would have laughed if it were any other time. “That’s a technicality and you know it! If she knows then oh no I don’t want mo-er her to cry.” Kazuma started feeling bad thinking about his mother Sasami crying. Kazuma paled at the thought. “Mom… please tell me you didn’t tell Sasami yet.”

Washu smiled far too mischievously. “Now, now, Kazuma, what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t let your dear mommy know that her beloved son was—oh, what was the term again?—yeeted into another dimension?”

Kazuma felt the blood drain from his face. “You didn’t…”

“I totally did.”

“Mom, WHY?!”

Washu chuckled. “Relax, she took it well! Well, after the initial screaming. And crying. And threatening to burn Heaven itself to get you back.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Actually, Tsunami had to take over to calm her down. Something about ‘Kazuma’s soul needing time to grow’ or whatever. You know how she gets.”

Kazuma buried his face in his hands. “I’m so dead. Again.”

Darkness, who had been strangely quiet this whole time, finally spoke up, her face red with a mixture of embarrassment and awe. “Kazuma… are you really royalty?”

“No,” Kazuma groaned. “I mean, kind of, but not in a way that actually matters here. I ran away from all that for a reason!”

Megumin, however, looked way too excited. “Wait, wait, wait! This is just like those legendary stories where the lost prince grows up in hardship, only to one day reclaim his rightful throne! Kazuma, does this mean you have secret power locked away inside you?! Some kind of ancient royal technique that could—”

“Megumin. No.”

She pouted. “You’re no fun, Kazuma.”

Wahsu cleared her throat. “Well, technically his father has something like that, though I’ve never tested any of the kids…”

"No those dame wings cause too much trouble I don't want to know!! I’d rather not have another existential crisis today.”

Megumin, however, was undeterred. “So you do have some kind of secret power! I knew it! What kind of lost royal doesn’t have a hidden ability?” She practically vibrated with excitement. “You could be hiding incredible battle prowess! Maybe an ancient technique lost to time! Or—or—maybe you have divine energy coursing through your veins!”

Washu smirked. “Well, Kazuma is technically blessed by Tsunami, so—”

“ NOPE! ” Kazuma shot up, waving his hands frantically. “We are not talking about that! End of discussion! Shut it down! Conversation over!”

Darkness, still blushing, looked at him with a strange glint in her eyes. “Kazuma, if you are of noble blood, does that mean… you could claim noble privileges? Arrange a marriage? Perhaps—” She swallowed hard. “Perhaps even issue commands to a loyal knight bound to serve you in all ways?”

Kazuma turned to her, deadpan. “You really have a problem.”

“I know. ” Darkness shivered.

Washu clapped her hands together, grinning like a cat who had just cornered a particularly interesting mouse. "Well! Now that introductions are out of the way, how about we move on to the important stuff?"

Kazuma groaned. "More important than my already ruined peace and quiet?"

"Of course!" Washu chirped. "Like how I'm going to be staying in this world for a little while to conduct some experiments!"

Kazuma ignored the excited gleam in Megumin’s eyes and focused on the more pressing problem. "Why are you staying?! Shouldn’t you have some kind of universe-breaking work to do?"

Washu smirked. "Oh, Kazuma, my dear son, you wound me! A mother can’t come to check on her child?"

"You don’t do anything without an ulterior motive, and we both know it."

Washu's smirk widened. "And you say you're not my son."

Kazuma sighed, rubbing his temples. "Fine. What’s the real reason?"

Washu sipped her tea dramatically before answering. "Well, for one, I need to make sure your soul hasn’t been damaged by improper reincarnation. Not to mention, I want to take a look at how this world’s magic system interacts with your mix of Jurain and my genetics. Fascinating stuff!"

Kazuma felt a headache forming. "Oh great, I get to be a guinea pig again. Just what I needed."

"Hey, I made sure you grew up perfectly healthy, didn’t I?" Washu pouted. "You act like I tortured you in the lab or something."

"You literally hooked me up to machines every time I so much as sneezed weirdly!"

"That’s just good parenting," Washu said innocently.

Kazuma groaned, rubbing his temples as if he could physically push the migraine forming in his skull back inside. "Great. Just great. My peaceful, laid-back adventurer life is officially dead. My mom's here, my past is catching up to me, and now I’m probably going to get experimented on like a lab rat. Again." He pushed away from the table. "I'm going back to the stables and hoping all of this was just a stress dream."

 Aqua suddenly lit up. "Wait! If Kazuma is from such an important family, does that mean he can get us out of debt?!" 

"That’s what you focus on?!" Kazuma barked. "we are not..." He sees some poor sap get covered in snow. "But then again..." 

Aqua like the devil on his shoulder pressed on. "Think about it. No more stables we can get a real place to live." Kazuma frowned, crossing his arms as he weighed the options. On one hand, he wanted nothing more than to keep his distance from his absurdly powerful and overly curious family. On the other hand… no more stables. A real bed. Warm meals. Not having to wake up covered in hay or with Aqua whining about the smell.

Washu smirked, clearly seeing the gears turning in his head. "Oh? Considering it now, are we?"

"Shut up," Kazuma muttered, rubbing his temples.

Megumin, who had been buzzing with excitement ever since Washu’s arrival, leaned in. "Kazuma, this could be the key to our legendary rise as the strongest adventurers in the land!" She pumped her fist. "With royal backing, we could amass an army, defeat the Demon King, and claim glory beyond measure!"

Darkness shivered. "An entire army at our command… the weight of responsibility, the burden of leadership… Ahh, Kazuma, you could order me into battle, knowing full well I would face certain doom in your name! The thrill! The danger! The—"

Kazuma cut her off with a loud groan. "Darkness, no. And Megumin, I’m not building an army." He turned back to Washu, eyes narrowing. "Besides, even if I wanted to use my connections, which I don’t, it’s not like I have access to Jurain resources here. So what’s the point?"

Washu’s smirk didn’t waver. Instead, she tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, good question. Let’s see… How about the fact that I already arranged for some Jurain credits to be transferred into this world’s economy?"

Kazuma felt his soul leave his body. "You what?! "

Washu produced her holographic tablet again, casually swiping through data as she spoke. "Oh, don’t worry, I made sure it wouldn’t mess with the local economy too much. But let’s just say… you have enough to comfortably live as an upper-class noble for the foreseeable future."

Silence. Then, Aqua tackled Kazuma to the ground . " YOU GREEDY LITTLE TRASH LORD! YOU HAD MONEY THIS WHOLE TIME? !" Aqua screamed, shaking him violently. "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SUFFERING I’VE ENDURED?! HOW MANY NIGHTS HAVE I SPENT IN FILTHY STABLES?! HOW MANY TIMES I HAD TO— "

"GET OFF ME, YOU DAMN USELESS GODDESS!" Kazuma wrestled her away, panting as he shoved her off. "I just found out, dumbass!"

Aqua huffed, puffing out her cheeks. "Hmph! Then it’s settled! We’re using that money to get a real house!"

Kazuma hesitated. "I mean… a real bed would be nice…"

Washu grinned like a mad scientist—because, well, she was one. "Oh, don’t worry, Kazuma. I made sure your funds were properly adjusted to match this world’s economy. And before you ask, no, you can’t just withdraw it all and run. I put safeguards in place."

Kazuma’s eye twitched. "What kind of safeguards?"

Washu hummed, flicking through her holographic tablet. "Oh, just a little something to make sure you don’t go blowing it all on useless things like… hmm, what was it again? Oh! Yes, gambling, booze, and certain establishments ." She smirked knowingly.

Kazuma turned red. "I WASN’T GOING TO—"

"Sure you weren’t," Washu said, clearly not believing him. "Anyway, i found this nice little house you might like.”

Outside 

Kazuma's jaw dropped. "THIS ISN'T LITTLE ITS A MANSION! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSE TO PAY FOR THIS?!"

 Washu didn't look up as she pulled a leasing agreement out of her interdimensional bag. "Quite simply the current owner wants to get rid of it. So it’s cheap."

Before Kazuma could react Aqua grabbed the lease and signed it. “We’ll take it!”

“But.”

“I am not sleeping in the stables again Kazuma!” Aqua dragged Kazuma towards the front and Megumin and Darkness followed.

Washu smirked as Kazuma and the rest of them disappeared through the door. “I hope you remember your old exorcism training,” She looked around. “Now where should ‘it’ go?” She smiled as she saw a stretch of land just large enough nearby. “They’ll love it!”