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Their love has never been right. Maybe that was the only way to let it all go?
Gaby was lying on her back watching shadows dancing on the ceiling of their flat in the center of Bucharest. She seemed rather peaceful at that moment though it was only first impression. Her heart was pounding inside rib cage, making other noises disappear.
The whole world around became as small as a tennis ball - the size of a brain tumor, growing inside her brain spreading pain all over her body. What an unfair bitch this life is? It seemed like she had lots of time and now...
Now she was lying on a bed and hurriedly thinking what she should do next.
The door lock clicked, she heard the smell of cigarettes and expensive cologne - Nigel came back home tired but with a smile on his lips. He looked at her as if she was his whole world. It seemed that only her existence made him feel stronger.
"Your playing has saved my life"
But if earlier she would've felt warm spreading all over her body now she felt only pain. She didn't have a right to do this to him, to leave him all alone.
"Till fucking death do us part"
This was their wedding vow. This wasn't real. All of this nonsense.
She heard him coming near, felt his fingers on thin collarbones, dry lips on her neck. She clenched fingers in his soft hair, pulling him even closer, while his big hands were resting her hips, leaving red marks on pale skin.
She exhaled and smelled tobacco and blood. Pain and delight as she sighs, kissing him hard, feeling his racing heartbeat. Nigel laughed fondly when she sat on his hips, taking off her top.
They made love as if for the last time, moaning loudly while the sun was setting in the city, making the room dark.
She left in the morning, leaving only a small hand-written note:" we should break up". While packing she'd noticed a glittering object in the suitcase - her handgun. Fingers slipped while taking hold of the weapon. She remembered how happy she was while he was teaching her how to shoot. Her hands were shaking too back then only that he was kissing her neck softly, hugging as if she was the most precious thing on the world. Well... Maybe that was a truth for him?
"I love you" - she whispered taking her bag and leaving.
She thought it was the easiest option for them, going further and further from home. The heart was pounding in her chest, wanting to return but her mind told her no, leading straight. Tears'd started trailing down her cheeks wasting black eyeliner but Gabi didn't mind. She understood one simple thing: he would've never let her go and she would've never let him stay till the end. A sick love story - that's how her father called their marriage. Maybe he was right... Gaby looked back for the last time, asking Nigel for apology. For everything.
She had fun with that strange American - Charlie. He made her laugh and forget about tumor making her whole body ache so much burning in her skull while she is lying on a cold kitchen floor with pills in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other.
Sometimes she was dreaming that she was still lying on her bed in their flat. The lock would click and she would feel tobacco and cologne - enough for everything else to be only a nightmare, a bad dream. But this is all a lie and she understood it while taking more and more pills just to ease the pain.
He was furious. She could see that in his every movement, sharp look and twisted lips. Her heart ached when he asked her to return back home. To their home. He was still in love, he would give her all back, all his passion and appreciation and she was in pain again. She just shook her head no, while watching Nigel shouting and trying to hurt Charlie. But that was not his fault...
She didn't even quite understand how the gun'd turned to be in her hand: she made a shot and she watched him leave not even throwing a glance at her.
It was later that she was crying in her kitchen all alone, holding a photo of them, dancing in a nightclub. The night she fell in love. She should take more morphine to forget that.
Nigel had left her no choice - she should hurt him so bad, he would forget her and never ever ask about his ex-wife when she'd be gone. He had a right to move on.
She blackmailed him with the tape and saw pain in his beautiful eyes. She felt tears make their way down the skin of her cheek wasting black eyeshadows. He smiled, offering her a hand
"My lovely Gaby"
She moved from him, shaking her head
"I don't love you anymore" - she lied brushing auburn-red hair
"I love Charlie"
She heard the American sigh and saw Nigel's fists clench while his eyes were looking straight into her soul
"I. Don't. Fucking. Believe. You" he said. She was so sorry and she took more morphine that night just to forget hazel eyes and her own broken heart. She was still dreaming of their flat and she didn't want to wake up, whispering "I love you" to the empty room.
He hadn't given up by that time. He came right for her, making his happy ending impossible. Nigel was watching the helpless American hanged right above the waterfall. Charlie was shouting something about love and that only made older man laugh. Love... It wasn't as that stupid tourist'd imagined - plain and pure. No, his love was nothing like that. His love had green eyes and red hair, sweet voice, cutting with words even worse than a knife, and hands pulling a trigger... That was Nigel's love and he knew he would every time choose this love and not an eternity with only a shadow of it.
There was a warmth in his soul at last - he took everything that had belonged to him. A tape and Gabriella. Especially Gabriella.
He looked at his wife, still fucking wife, who was looking back at him with a gaze full of tears. He smiled softly and suddenly it struck her: he knew. Hazel eyes were filled with the same pain she felt every day without him, lying on the ice cold floor of empty kitchen.
He took a step forward, reaching for her.
"Why" - she whispered as his hands touched her cheeks. The answer was so obvious to him that he couldn't help but smile fondly
"Because I love you, precious"
There were sirens in the distance. He should leave now, save himself... Gaby couldn't hold back tears caused by pain in her whole body. She couldn't understand whether it was tumor or her broken heart.
"Leave me. Please." - she was choking in his hands, gasping for air.
"There is no me without you" - he answered and she felt that: tobacco and cologne. Their home.
"Till death do us fucking part" - she smiled weakly feeling eyelids becoming too heavy. So, this is what it feels like? Just falling asleep? She thought she had more time...
"Nigel" she thought in the last moment as the whole universe bursted in her mind, freeing from the pain and all the vows. She loved him too much, in the end.
He didn't hear anyone's voices. The whole world around became the size of a beating heart, leaving him no other option. A quick movement, a loud shot and a fall on the ground with her name on his lips: "Gaby"
Gaby was lying on her back watching shadows dancing on the ceiling of their flat in the center of Bucharest. The door lock clicked and she smelled tobacco and expensive cologne - Nigel came home.
Their love has never been right. Maybe that was the only way?