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Chapter Text

Louanna Astrea, happily married to Heinkel Astrea a year ago and together, they have a son who they named Reinhard.

"I can't wait for our son's first word." Louanna says, excited.

Heinkel too, are waiting as well. Reinhard has grown old enough (two months old) to speak. Normally a baby speak their first word between 12 to 18 months of age, but Reinhard is just built different.

"---" The smol Reinhard tried to says something.

'Finally-' Louanna thinks.

"What would it be? Will he says 'mom' first or 'dad' first!? Honestly, whatever he says, I would be so fucking happy either way-" Heinkel adds, but he was slapped by an angry Louanna half-way and she signaled Heinkel to shut up so they can hear what Reinhard is going to say.

Louanna and Heinkel wait patiently for Reinhard to speak his first word.

"-fuck." Reinhard said.

Reinhard said fuck.

"Reinhard said fuck." Louanna said, tears start forming in her eyes.

"Fuck." Heinkel realizes.

"Reinhard said fuck!" Louanna starts crying, tears wetting her face.

"Heinkel! Louanna! We are back- what happened?!" Theresia, back from the capital, saw her daughter in law crying when she returned home.

"MOTHER, REINHARD SAID FUCK!" Louanna cries even more and covered her face with her hands.

"HEINKEL WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!" Theresia scolds.

"I didn't mean it-" Heinkel tries to explains.

"Calm down, what is the problem here?" Wilhelm enters the room, trying to understand the situation.

"Wilhelm! This is terrible! Reinhard said fuck!" Theresia tells Wilhelm.

"It's just a fuck word. Relax. It is not like he said dick or asshole or cunt or bitch, even worse, he could said n**** or p****, but he didn't. It is a good thing that he only said fuck. Bloody hell. Theresia. The fuck word is not the end of this shit world. Stop being so fucking dramatic." Wilhelm says calmly, analyzing the problem.

The sword demon messed with the wrong opponent.

"Father, you are so fucking based- OUCH!" Heinkel and Wilhelm got their ear pulled aggressively by an pissed off Theresia.

"I wished I have more hands so I can pulled all of your fucking ears." Theresia dragged her fully adult son and her husband who entered old age to the entrance of the mansion.

Carol and Grimm witnessed everything and watched the collapse of the Astrea family in horror.

She throws both of them outside of the mansion with ease and shuts the door. Heinkel yelped. Wilhelm's face is one full of 'I fucked up, now I am going to sleep outside in the cold nights until her anger seizes, again. Fuck.'.

Theresia ran back to Louanna, now sobbing on the floor hugging her knees and put a hand on her back.

"Don't worry Louanna, I have thrown these two disgusting men out. Now, there no longer exist a bad influence to our poor dear adorable Reinhard anymore. Just what the fuck is wrong with them, how could them do such terrible thing and feels no guilt? I bet Reinhard learnt it from them. Fuck them." Theresia says her 5th fuck since her entrance.

"Mother, is it too late to divorce? I am so done with my stupid husband. He's just so fucking stupid." Louanna asked.

"Bring me with you. And Reinhard too. We can't let the men have the kid, they'd be such a fucking terrible influence to Reinhard." Theresia says, already packing the luggage.

Louanna wiped her tears and prepared to leaves with Reinhard in her arms.

"Fuck." Reinhard said.

"Let's leave this place as soon as fucking possible. We can't let Reinhard be any more stained." Louanna suggests, clearly depressed.

"Fuck yes." Theresia agrees, saying her 7th fuck.

Chapter Text

"Louanna-"

"Fuck off." Louanna said coldly.

"Just let me finished my fucking apology, please!" Heinkel cries.

Four years has passed since Reinhard said fuck and the collapse of the Astrea family.

Both Louanna and Theresia (allegedly) divorced their respective husband and left with a stained infant named Reinhard.

Together, both widows vowed to raise Reinhard into a pure and well manner person, unlike his father or his grandfather, who are nothing but scums.

It would be tough raising a child with just two women, but I swear to the Divine Dragon, the men are just so fucking unreliable.

Theresia might be a women but she is also an army force to be reckon with. No harm can befall them.

In the past four years, they have been trying to rehabilitate Reinhard from the trauma of learning the fuck word. However, it have proven to be unsuccessful as Reinhard had the fuck word imprinted into his core memory.

Reinhard did not learnt how to speak other words except for fuck until he reached one. Even so, the fuck word is unseparate with Reinhard. Reinhard averaged 10 fuck words per day.

Both Theresia and Louanna fall into despair after the realization that Reinhard is forever stained, fated to be impure and unable to return back to his original pure form.

Their despair fueled their hatred on their ex-husband even more, then today, those two motherfuckers have the fucking audacity to show themselves in front of them again after all these years, trying to seek forgiveness.

Thankfully, Reinhard is asleep this time. So he would not be involved in this drama and get in touch with his previous fuck word teacher AKA Heinkel&Wilhelm.

"Heinkel, what sort of half-ass apology attempt was that? Disappointed." Wilhelm shakes his head in disapproval.

"I'd liked to see you do better with mother." Heinkel sheds one singular tear.

"Watch." Wilhelm announced confidently.

Theresia who has been standing next to Louanna, eyed her ex-husband in cold gazes.

"Theresia-" Wilhelm starts.

"FUCK OFF." Theresia said, more aggressive than Louanna.

"-fuck." Wilhelm cursed.

"See?" Heinkel have already accepted his fate that he will have no pussy for the rest of his miserable life.

But Wilhelm would not give up, he needed that pussy. It has been four fucking years since.

"Theresia, my wife." Wilhelm starts again.

"Not anymore-" Theresia is cut off.

"You are a fucking idiot! You two decided to left the house. But since you already threw both Heinkel and I outside, we were already there at the entrance. So in order not to run into us, you two decied to fucking left via the window. That was so fucking dumb!" Wilhelm said, the embarrassing hidden truth coming back up to the surface.

Theresia turned red. Louanna turned away. Heinkel turned white.

'But you are a cute idiot <3' Wilhelm want to add, but his fucking dense rock self could not afford to let that cringe flirting line come out of his mouth.

So all the 'build up' he said just now just sounds like a death wish.

Theresia, being the normal kind flower loving generous godness of death and also the Sword Saint she is, shall grant that wish.

"Mother! I am only here because father dragged me here! Don't kill me please! Just take father!" Heinkel begs, throwing Wilhelm under the Dragon Carriage.

"Heinkel! You fucking asshole-" Wilhelm scolds, but he is already under the mercy of Theresia, who just dropped kicked Wilhelm and send him on the ground rolling.

Theresia squat down beside Wilhelm like a gangster, she is not waiting for his last words or anything, she just want to watch Wilhelm suffers in pain with a closer view.

Heinkel is holding his head. Even Louanna thinks this is a bit too much and stopped looking at them. If she don't see it it did not happen.

Then, she saw a smol red head, peeking at all this from behind a door.

"Reinhard! Why are you here!?" Louanna said, her words alarmed everyone.

"Fuck." Reinhard said, he didn't want to get spotted.

"Oh dear, oh dear, gorgeous. The noises must have woke you up. Reinhard, grandmother and your mother have some business with these people. Go back to your room until we come back to you, alright?" Theresia hold Reinhard, Wilhelm is saved, but he is not happy about this.

"Theresia! Weren't you going to finished me?! Then do it!" If Wilhelm is not getting that pussy, he would rather die.

"Shut up, you fucking donkey." Theresia hissed. Reinhard learned more words.

"Are they my grandfather and father?" Reinhard asked.

"Didn't I told you this before? You don't have a grandfather or father, Reinhard." Theresia lies.

"Then, how am I made?" Reinhard asked innocently.

"A stork brought you to me." Louanna adds.

"JUST WHAT LIES HAVE YOU AND MOTHER BEEN FEEDING POOR REINHARD THESE YEARS!!???" Heinkel cries louder.

The Sword God is wheezing real hard at all these.

Wilhelm finally got back to his feets, he can still feel his concussion from the drop kick. It is going to stay there just like how he and Heinkel been suffering from one side of their ears being deaf due to Theresia's Divine Protection of Death God.

That's right, all this time, Louanna and Theresia have actually been bullying cripples and not hearing them out. And then Theresia further crippled the older cripple of the two. Where is justice?

"Theresia, just why won't you forgive me?! Think about the two decades we were together!" Wilhelm called out.

"That's right, we were together for two decades. It really was a long time, I can still remember them like it was yesterday." Theresia agrees.

"Then, come back to me already. Don't you missed our time together?" Wilhelm says gently, he really want that pussy.

"On one condition." Theresia demands.

"I will do anything you ask." Wilhelm said, finally given a chance.

Heinkel is in shocked that his father is somehow making a comeback.

"For the past two decades, I have not heard a single 'I love you' from you. If you say it to me now, not only will I go back to you, I will also convince Louanna to go back to Heinkel too. Then all five of us can live together again." Theresia said.

Wilhelm smirk at this simple demand, his wife is basically back to him already. Not just that, he will basically fix the whole family single-handedly.

Heinkel prays that his father won't messed up. Louanna just watched in exasperation. Theresia waits patiently. Reinhard blinks, not understanding anything.

"Theresia, I-"

Everyone waits.

"-I want to fuck you." Wilhelm said.

Theresia's eyes darken, she felt like an idiot having her hopes up.

Louanna tried to covered Reinhard's ears, but the damage has already been done.

"Fuck is a verb?" Reinhard learns fast.

Wilhelm want to answer yes, but he was stopped by a crying Heinkel.

"No more father please! You are only making this worse." Heinkel can't handle this shit anymore.

"I am making this better. I don't understand what the fuck you are talking about." Wilhelm ignored Heinkel and turned to Theresia.

"Now that I had said it, start packing your stuff, no going back on your words." Wilhelm thinks he already won.

"Excuse me, 'I want to fuck you' is not the same as 'I love you'." Theresia explained. Louanna tearfully brought Reinhard back into the house, Heinkel dies inside.

"They are the same." Wilhelm declared. Heinkel almost dies on the outside.

Chapter Text

"Stop fucking chasing me already!" Theresia screams.

"Not until you come back to me! I will even chase you to the Great Waterfall if I had to!" Wilhelm shouts.

"There should be limit to how stubborn and shameless a person can be! It has been a whole week! A whole fucking week!" Theresia is sick of this.

Ever since Wilhelm very failed attempt at reconciliation with Theresia a week ago. Wilhelm have been physically stalking Theresia wherever she goes.

Be it cooking, sleeping or bathing, Wilhelm always found a way following and watching Theresia.

Louanna was very scared. Reinhard waved at Wilhelm everytime he sees him. Heinkel is too dead inside to follow Wilhelm's footsteps.

Sick and tired of Wilhelm's persistent stalking, Theresia attempts to run away from him, leaving Louanna and Reinhard behind. But Wilhelm is also an army force to be reckon with, so Theresia could not outrun him at all.

For a whole week, Wilhelm just would not leave Theresia alone and is constantly within sighting distance with her. Most of the times, he tried to speak to her.

Stalking is illegal, but who the fuck is going to arrest the royal knights commander (Wilhelm) himself? The deputy commander (Heinkel)? The latter has already gave up and spend his sorrows nights in bars ever since.

"Just why the hell did the past me even married that weirdo to begin with... I must have hit my head back then..." Theresia mutters, resting by the Great Flugel Tree.

"I am certain that you did not hit your head. Your love is passionate and real. Just remember those times you confessed your love to me whenever we were fucking-" Wilhelm said.

"THAT'S SERIOUSLY FUCKING DISGUSTING! STOP REMINDING ME!" Theresia stands up, of course Wilhelm is in the range of her talking distance again.

If she let her guard down, Wilhelm would be hugging her legs and will not let go no matter what. Last time, it took her banging his head repeatedly inbetween a door and the door frame to finally get free from his grasp. (Please not to attempt this at home, domestic abuse is real and illegal)

"But you know I am right! I have fucked you and you have fucked me. We both know that we are perfectly made for each other." Wilhelm gave his best speech yet, saying anything but 'I love you'.

"I am so touched." Theresia rolled her eyes and wiped a fake tear.

However, Theresia's stamina bar is near 0. She no longer have the energy to get away from Wilhelm, she did tried considered killing him once and for all, but Wilhelm had shouted 'More!' when she hit him.

So Theresia decides to spare her own sanity and run away. Wilhelm who's permanently concussion and half deaf is only keeping up due to his sheer horny power.

It all seems that this chase is finally coming to a conclusion, then a giant shadow covered both the not so loving old divorced couple.

Theresia looked up, she is still rational of her surroundings. But Wilhelm is not, he rushed to Theresia despite the alarming appearance of the shadow. He ain't waiting no more.

"The White Whale!" Theresia want to warn Wilhelm, but he had already hugged and carried Theresia by her waist, the way someone would kidnapped a person.

By this chapter, not only had Wilhelm committed the crimes of saying multiple profanities, stalking, non-consensual sexual harrassment and more to count. He even resort to kidnapping an equally crimes heavy women now.

"Fuck you Wilhelm! There is a god damn White Whale on top of us and you are still doing this shit!?" Theresia screams.

"Yes fuck me please! The only person that can be on top of you is me!" Wilhelm cheered. Theresia almost fainted from the pure dumbness of this conversation.

The 400 years old Great Mabest White Whale is very intimidated by this conversation.

"You ain't even carrying me in a princess carry! You are carrying me like I am a fucking sack of rice! At least do your kidnapping more romantically, please!" Theresia complaints, forgetting the existence of the White Whale as well.

Pandora want to walk in and act all intimidating and shit. But she can't find a good opening to show herself between the stupid banter between the current Sword Saint and Sword Demon.

But Theresia did not missed the awkward girl standing on the sideline watching awkwardly and waiting patiently for her chance to be the final boss.

"You!" Theresia points at Pandora. Pandora flinched and look around.

"Don't look around, I am pointing at you! You who can't afford actual proper clothes. Help me separate from this man NOW or I kill your entire fucking family! Got it?!" Theresia is on the good side, right?

Pandora is very scared, she don't even have any family and she is the fucking Witch of Vainglory, why is a mere human ordering her!?

But due the sheer dominant vibe Theresia have, Pandora forgot that she's the bad guy here and helped Theresia without a second thought. Everyone in this fic are fucking stupid.

Pandora led the scared White Whale and managed to seperated Theresia and Wilhelm. Then Pandora and Theresia sat on the White Whale's back like its a Ground Dragon and flew away from the very horny Wilhelm, who even tried to get up there by climbing the Flugel Tree. The Flugel Tree want to wither away when Wilhelm touched it.

"Finally, some fucking peace and quiet." Theresia celebrate her victory in a bar and put a drink down, breaking the table in the process.

Pandora is staying as far as possible from Theresia and sat in a corner. For the first time in 400 years, she felt like a vulnerable little girl on the surface and on the inside.

Theresia suddenly looked at Pandora, Pandora almost pissed herself.

"You, what is your name, you." Theresia asked, acting more and more like Reid.

"Ah! Pandora! Pandora, the Witch of Vainglory! Just Pandora is fine!" Pandora stuttered.

"Pandora huh. Thank you very much for your assistance, how may I repay you?" Theresia completely ignored Pandora being a witch and thanked Pandora like she didn't made Pandora helped her from threatening her non existence family in the first place.

Pandora's eyes shine. This is her chance! She can finally gather another corpse soldier for her Witch Cult!

"Join my Witch Cult! We can provide 1 meals per day and a bed. The foods are cold and bed is made of stones and is quite uncomfortable but this is a limited time offer, only available until tomorrow! Other members don't even get any meals and they sleep in the rain." Pandora said happily, like she's some Japan year 3 highschooler promoting her club to the fresh year 1 juniors.

"Witch cult..." Theresia mutters, drinking another cup of alcohol.

"Yes, witch cult." Pandora repeats.

"How high can I climb my ranks there?" Theresia considers.

"Um." Pandora only want her to be a measly minion.

"You, I want to be on the top of the Witch Cult. You get me? The very top! I want the Witch Cult for my own! Ain't no one can fucking stop me. I am going to make my dreams come true with my Witch Cult. You, Pandora. Be my right hand man, you." Theresia is very drunk.

"What." Pandora is back to being the vulnerable little girl again, she wants to cry.

"Gather everyone from the Witch Cult, I have many new orders. I shall use the Witch Cult to eliminate the fuck word from history. I'm scrapping the club name from Witch Cult to Anti-Fuck Cult. I will create an ideal world with no more fucks." Theresia put one foot on the table and spreads her hands wide.

"But-" Pandora want to protest.

"We are wasting time, lets go." Theresia grabbed Pandora by her neck and carried her away like a kitten. Pandora cries for the first time in 400 years. The bar is quiet again.

"What. The. Fuck." Heinkel was watching everything, he need to be more drunk.

Suddenly, Wilhelm opened the door for the bar.

"Heinkel, have you seen Theresia?" Wilhelm asked, he could have swore he smelled her scent a moment ago.

"Father, mother just joined and become the leader of Witch Cult- I mean the Anti-Fuck Cult." Heinkel said.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Wilhelm dismissed Heinkel.

Heinkel is doubting his sanity again. What even is real anymore.

Wilhelm sat down and drink with Heinkel, both loathing the loss of their respective wife.

"Why did everything happened the way it is the first place anyway?" Wilhelm loathed.

"Wasn't it because Reinhard said fuck?" Heinkel remembered that day like it was yesterday.

"Fuck Reinhard." Wilhelm start cursing his own flaws on Reinhard.

"Fuck Reinhard." Heinkel also start cursing his own flaws on Reinhard.

Chapter Text

Time flies, Reinhard is now a teenager and a royal knight to the Dragon Kingdom of Lugunica.

Everytime Reinhard is in the capital, he would be disturbed by someone who shared the same hair and eye colours with him, scolding him for taking his everything from him and claimed to be his father.

But Reinhard always give the same answer to that man.

"Deputy Commander, I believe I have told you this many times. But my father is a stork, please stop claiming to be my father, because you are CLEARLY not a fucking stork." Reinhard put a hand on his chest and bowed.

Julius and Felix just happened to overheard this exchange. Julius froze solid. Felix failed holding his laughs, which almost resulted in a very sad and angry Heinkel cutting Felix down, only to be stopped by Reinhard with one finger.

Heinkel almost killed himself on the spot after that, Julius managed to unfroze and stopped him so they don't lose their superior and their job.

"Reinhard, you know, you should be more polite and respectful to your... the Deputy Commander. He is our superior first and foremost after all." Julius tells Reinhard during lunch time.

"But I am being very polite and respectful, I don't understand what the fuck you are talking about. I gave him a fucking bow and a very clear reason why he isn't who he fucking claimed he is. This is his fucking 21 times doing it. Why the fuck are you scolding me?" Reinhard gave a sad puppy face to Julius.

Felix holds his laughs as best as he could.

Julius put his hands together and clenched his hands.

'I can fix him.' Julius decides.

"...first off, are you even aware of how inappropriate that word is?" Julius asked.

"Which word?" Reinhard asked.

"The f- THAT word." Julius will kill himself this time if he said that word.

"Which one?" Reinhard is not letting Julius escape this one.

"The fuck word, Reinhard!" Felix stepped in for Julius. Julius thanked Felix from the bottom of his heart. Julius do not thanked Felix using that word as well.

"The fuck word? What's wrong with the fuck word?" Reinhard said.

"Reinhard, we are knights. Knights can't use such inappropriate language. That word is inappropriate, if you didn't know." The finest knight explains patiently.

Maybe this is the result of Reinhard being raised away from half of his family, so Julius would not blame Reinhard for his inappropriate behaviours.

"Fuck is inappropriate?" Reinhard looks heart broken.

"Yes. It is inappropriate. I'd advise that you stop using that word, as you are now a knight." Julius said. Reinhard is heart broken.

"But- but Julius, the fuck word is like the father that I never had!" Reinhard protests.

"? ? ? ?? ????? ? ?" Julius gasps.

"What happened to the stork!?" Felix yelled.

"The fuck word is fucking precious to me! I can't fucking live without it!" Reinhard vent.

Julius takes a few deep breath to calm himself.

"Then, try using an alternative word instead of immediately quiting your way of speaking in your life before. Replace it with another word." Julius suggests.

"Replace it... But with what word? Do you have any examples?" Reinhard considers.

"Of course, something close to the original meaning could be easier. Like say, intercourse-" Julius realizes.

Felix laughed so hard he fell on the floor.

"So Julius, when the Deputy Commander come to me again the next time, I should tell him 'you are clearly not an intercourse stork' instead? That just doesn't sounds right for fuck sake." Reinhard puppy eyes intensify.

Julius have no words, even he is ashamed at himself.

Felix is rolling on the floor and crying tears.

"Julius, the fuck word is more than you know. Not only is the fuck word the father I never had, the fuck word is fucking versatile and flexible. It function as both a transitive and intransitive verb, and as an adjective, adverb, noun, and interjection. Although the fuck word itself is used in its literal sense to refer to sexual intercourse, like you just suggested, its most common usage is figurative, to indicate the strong sentiment and to offend or shock the listening party. I found 8 distinct usages for curse words, and the fuck word can apply to each. For example, it fits in the curse sense such as 'fuck you', as well as the personal sense such as 'you fucker'. There are also usage such as 'fuck around', 'fuck me', 'fuck it', 'fucker' and many more. Intercourse however, not so much." Reinhard recount his entire life experiences and poured them into this speech.

Felix's stomach hurt to the point where he had to use his own healing magic to not suffocate.

"Okay." Julius gave up.

'I can't fix him.' Julius realized.

Chapter Text

"Someone! Help me!" Subaru screamed like a girl.

"Why the heck are you calling for help!? Stop it!" The tonchinkan trio tried to stop him but to no avail.

"That's enough." A fiery red haired man with sky blue eyes appeared behind Subaru.

'I'm saved.' Subaru thinks. 'Damn he look like the perfect handsome fantasy knight and eveything. Would totally fall in love with him if I am a girl.'

"I need the three of you to fuck off and leave this man alone. Or else I would be forced to fuck up your lives." The mysterious knight said.

The tonchinkan trio fucked off.

"Are you okay? You sounds like you were getting fucked." The knight asked Subaru.

"Who starts a conversation like this!? I just met you!" Subaru's fantasy image of that knight are all shattered.

"That's enough." Reinhard makes his entrance and stopped Elsa before she could cut Subaru's leg off.

"Reinhard!" Subaru said.

"Hello Subaru, we meet again. You looked fucked." Reinhard greet.

"Like I said, who starts a second conversation like this! But I'm glad you are here, seriously." Subaru sigh a breath of relief.

"So you are fucked." Reinhard noted.

"NO!" Subaru denied.

"Funk? What is that word-" Emilia wonders.

'Lia! Summon me out with your Od now! He's dangerous!' Puck interrupt Emilia telepathically.

"Don't you mean she-" Emilia is very confused.

"A knight... Ah, that hair and eye colour, you must be that rumoured strongest man in the world. This is getting interesting..." Elsa licks her lips.

"Please fuck off." Reinhard asked nicely.

Subaru runs over to Emilia. Felt burst into laughter behind the door that she's hiding. Rom is unconscious so he can't save his adotive grandaughter from this.

"The Bowel Hunter, Elsa Granhiert." Elsa raised her dual blades.

"Fuck off, now." Reinhard said assertively, he didn't know that he's supposed to give his name here.

Subaru covered Emilia's ears, Emilia gave him a confused look.

The loot house is destroyed into bits by a slash from Reinhard.

"Fuck." Reinhard.

Reinhard look at the sword he destroyed.

"I'm so fucking sorry." Reinhard apologize as the sword turned into ashes.

"What is this man, you are totally a monster!" Subaru awed.

"I am not a monster, I am fucking Reinhard." Reinhard said, his upbringing here is very different from canon.

'So his name is Funkin Reinhard, I see.' Emilia thinks. Puck keeps telling Emilia to run away, but she thinks that Puck is just tired from staying up so late (7pm).

"Anyway, thank you for your help. Reinhard. If going by your words, you really saved me from getting fucked over for real." Subaru said, Emilia is feeling left out from not understand all the usages of phrase regarding the word 'funk' today.

"It's all thanks to this girl running around the streets screaming non-stop like someone is fucking dying. So I came here." Reinhard points at Felt.

"Well, people ARE fucking dying." Felt said.

Suddenly, Elsa jump out of the crumbled buildings and aimed at Emilia.

"Fuck!" Reinhard tried to warn.

Subaru managed to blocked Elsa's blow.

"Just fuck off, Elsa." Reinhard stand inbetween her and the others.

Elsa fucked off.

Subaru then makes his not cringe at all introduction to Emilia and got her name.

"Still, I'm surprised that you are unharmed. I was convinced that you were fucked when Elsa made a comeback." Reinhard said.

"Is there a reason why you have to use that word so much? Well, not that I am particularly offended by it... If it wasn't for this, I would have been in two pieces." Subaru points at Rom's bat.

"True, if it weren't for this, you would be fucked-" Reinhard picked up the bat and it spilt into half.

"Fuck." Subaru said.

"Fuck." Reinhard said.

"Funk?" Emilia said.

Subaru fell on the floor as his belly start spilling blood like a sprinkle.

"FUUUUUCK!!!" Reinhard said.

"Subaru- he's Subaru right?" Emilia is very worried about Subaru(?) but she is also not sure if she had remember his name correctly.

"No! He's fucked!" Reinhard correct Emilia.

"Funk! NOOOOO!" Emilia said.

"You two need to actually save big bro! He's fucking dying!" Felt said.

Subaru cough out blood from laughing.

"Oh fuck, he's so fucked." Reinhard despaired as he realize Subaru is losing more and more blood.

"Ah! So he's Fucked. Fucked, right?! Fucked, wake up!" Emilia said fuck.

Then, Puck awaken his beast form.

"As per my contract, I shall now destroy the world." Puck is very angry. "A world where Lia is corrupted is meaningless."

Subaru died a meaningless death.

Chapter Text

After that, Subaru just keeps dying.

If Reinhard come in and saves the day, Emilia will learns and say the fuck word somehow no matter what, which resulted in Puck freezing everything, and Subaru always dies before Reinhard can kill Puck.

Everything was going so well in the 4th loop, and Emilia had to said fuck. Then everything went hell.

This is his 86th loop in the capital now. Dude's entering Pride IF route.

"Fuck my life. Fuck it. Fuck. Motherfucker. Fuck Isekai. It ain't fucking fun. Fuck this world. Send me the fuck back. Anyone but Reinhard please help me. I can't do this shit no more. For fuck sake." Subaru laments.

"Fuck Elsa. Fuck tonchinkan. Fuck Felt. Fuck Rom. Fuck Reinhard. Fuck Puck. Fuck Emilia- no no, it's not like I don't want to but- no. No. Not her. Only Emilia is kind and innocent and pure and good and cute and beautiful oh I want to f- NO, Natsuki Subaru, NO. But for real, everyone else, fuck them." Subaru is reaching his fucking limit.

"This time for real, I just have to make Emilia go immediately just moments before Reinhard comes to the loot house." Subaru formed his plan.

87th loop.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Reinhard you- you motherfucker- oh you- I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU SHOUTED 'FUCK' ALL THE WAY FROM THE LOOTHOUSE AND MADE EMILIA SAID THE WORD ANYWAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What the fuck. Bravo, Reinhard. Oh you are just so- JUST WHAT THE FUCK MAN!?" Subaru's losing his shit.

Everyone looked at the insane black-haired man having a mental breakdown in the middle of capital. Kadomon is very scared.

"Excuse me sir, do you need anything?" Reinhard stepped into Subaru's vision and put a hand on his back, comforting him.

"Reinhard..." Subaru said, wiping his tears.

"Fuck yeah, I am Reinhard." Reinhard smiles.

"Fuck you." Subaru snapped.

Reinhard raised an eyebrow.

"Fuck you. Fuck you. Just how many fucking times did you think I had this conversation with you? Just how many times, did you think! Just how many times do you think that I said fuck to you?!"

"...I am so fucking sorry?" Reinhard apologized even though he doesn't know what the fuck this young man is talking about.

If Subaru were sane, he would forgive Reinhard for his sincere apology. But Subaru is not sane anymore.

"Oh Reinhard, just, just fuck you. Fuck you. Only these two words can express how I felt about you. Just fuck you. Reinhard. Fuck you. Fuck. You. F. U. C. K. Y. O. U." Subaru's not having the best day of his life.

"...please don't fuck me." Reinhard gave an awkward smile.

"...???? ??? ??? Huh?!" Subaru almost can't process what Reinhard said.

Reinhard makes a ;( face.

Subaru in turns makes a >;0 face.

"How the fuck are two men gonna fuck anyway?!" Subaru is too tired for this.

"I'm sure there are ways for men to f-" Reinhard stated.

Subaru bit his own tongue.

88th loop.

Subaru finally saved- no, its all Reinhard who saved everyone from Elsa. Subaru only saved Emilia from learning the fuck word. But he is not gonna loop anymore, so fuck yeah.

"What am I gonna do now... Emilia..." Subaru uttered the name of the girl who he did not meet in this loop.

His life purpose is finally completed, so why, why, why do he feels so empty inside?

Subaru pondered at the thoughts of dying again so he can somehow meet Emilia in a natural way (never), but he is just too fucking tired to try again after hearing the fuck word for so many times.

Subaru could have swore that his personality changed after 87 deaths and 84 loops with Reinhard.

"I definitely have PTSD over that word. Heck, I even started using them around 20th loop or something... then gradually, I start speaking like that fucker." Subaru recalled his darkest loops and made an analysis over his cracked mental state calmly.

"Fuck! I just hate the fuck word so much! It ruined my 84 lives! I wish that it can disappear from my memories like how I disappeared from everyone's! Just why does it have to exist!? Just why do that word has to exist!?" Subaru cries.

Then, multiple people in black shows up in front of Subaru.