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"Reg tell me what I can do. To make you feel good," James precised after taking in the frown plastered on Regulus' face.
The younger boy took in a deep breath. "I know this must sound weird, so don't laugh, okay?"
"Love, I would never," James assured dragging the r, a playful smile finding it's way on his lips. James was no prude and he was fairly good in bed, he always found so much joy in giving and receiving that sort of pleasure. A little kink wasn't going to scare James Potter off, that was for sure.
"I like to be hurt."
Oh.
It took James a couple of seconds to process the words. Hurt like hurt, his Reggie, hurting, him hurting Reg? Wha--
"Sorry," Regulus blurted out, sensing James' confusion turning fast into worry and desperation. "That came out wrong." Regulus twisted his fingers, struggling with what to say, how to say what he needed to next.
"Reg," James whispered reaching out a hesitant hand to touch Regulus' slightly trembling fingers.
"I, you can, I mean I'd like it if you'd hit me." The words come out in a rush, Regulus clearly struggling to get them all out, syllables tumbling out of his mouth like rocks sinking to the bottom of the ocean.
Oh.
"Hit you?" James croaked, eyes widening, something like dread freezing his chest, squeezing a breath out of his struggling lungs.
"Yeah," Regulus admitted, sneaking a quick glance at James' face, checking for any signs of disgust or rejection. What he found was terrified eyes, slightly glazed over with a thin layer of shine.
"I--, Reg. I don't know what to say," James said brushing a hand through his hair and lowering his head slightly, trying to catch Regulus' gaze. "I don't think I—, I can't, I won't hurt you. Ever. I swear this isn't me kink shaming, because, because I respect it and if you're into that but just imagining someone hurting you like that makes me wanna run around the world and burn it to ashes let alone thinking about if I was the one doing the. . . hurting." James stopped abruptly to catch his breath, sitting against the headboard of the bed, taking in Regulus' frail form, slender arms and narrow waist.
His blood boiled just thinking about anyone touching him, hurting him, hitting him.
Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong and James was terrified of finding out what.
"That's—, it's not like that, though," Regulus uttered out, heat rising to his sunken face. "It's, it feels good okay? Because it helps me."
James sat up straighter at that, furrowing his brows. "Helps you? Baby, what do you mean?"
Regulus took in a shuddering breath. "Listen, I can take it. I can take it all, so if you're worried about me not being able to handle it, don't. It's okay."
"Reg, I'm not following. You think, you think I want to hit you? To hurt you?"
Regulus' lips twitched at that and James never felt more confused and scared in his life.
"James. It's okay. I know you do," he paused then, hand wiping away a wrinkle on the bedcover. "They all want to."
And that was it. James felt his heart start hammering against his ribcage, his breathing picking up, the world around him narrowing, all of him focused on Regulus and what he just said.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
"Who told you that, sweetheart?" James croaked out, his throat unexpectedly tight, as if it wanted to hold his words prisoner a bit longer.
"No one," Regulus brushed him off, trying to play off the suddenly tense atmosphere by nudging his shoulder against James'. "Just know that it's okay, more than okay, if you'd ever wanna, you know, let off some steam. Cause I'd enjoy it. That's all."
There was a story there, behind those rushed words, and Regulus' haunted eyes. A story James couldn't bare nor afford to not know about.
Then, Regulus abruptly stood up from the bed, reaching for his satchel bag on the floor.
"Okay, I'm gonna head out now. Thanks for today, James," he thanked, pulling up his shoes, balancing his weight on one leg then moving to the other.
"Reg, darling, wait. Wait, okay? Just please, sit down? So we can talk about this?" Regulus looked at him confused, like he didn't know what James was on about.
"Please." James murmured, not touching though, not wanting Regulus to feel like he had no way out of the situation.
"I don't see what else there is to talk about." Regulus seethed, words coming out sharp through his gritted teeth. He was changing gears fast, making James feel whiplash. "You asked me to tell you how to make me feel good and I just told you and now you're making a big deal out of it." "Message recieved though, don't worry. I can see that you don't want me. Not for real at least."
"Reg, what the fuck are you talking about?" James cried, looking at Regulus in disbelief. "My boyfriend just told me that he wants me to hit him and that he wants to be hurt. That he thinks that all relationships are like this."
"You're mad at me," Regulus whispered rubbing a hand against his cheek agitatedly.
"No, of course not." James lowered his voice, his tone gentle. "I'm worried about you."
"Well, don't be. There's no need to be," Regulus scoffed, looking away, not meeting James' eyes.
James at a loss for words hesitantly reached out to brush a finger against the boy's arm. "Can I touch you?"
When Regulus nodded, his eyes tightly shut, James pulled him into a hug, resting his head against Regulus shoulder, breathing in deeply.
"Someone hurt you?" James asked, though it didn't come out like a question. He could hear Regulus taking in a sharp breath, entire body filled with tension. "And I'm so fucking sorry that happened, baby. I would never hurt you like that, okay? I love you too much."
"Sometimes love can hurt. Sometimes it ought to," Regulus murmured, sounding resigned and so so tired.
And that might possibly was the most painful thing James had heard up until that point. James couldn't bare it. Couldn't bare to think about all this pain Regulus had to carry all the time. If only he'd let James take some of it off his shoulders.
"It shouldn't, darling. Love shouldn't hurt, not like that."
James pushed himself away, just the tiniest bit so he could cup Regulus' cheek in one warm hand. "You don't have to tell me what happened. But I'm here for you. If you'd want to, you know, talk about it."
Regulus looked at him quizzically, suddenly reminding James of a cat, furrowing it's fur.
"There's nothing to talk about, James," he said, voice sounding like a challenge.
"Okay, Reg," James allowed, once again holding Regulus close, like he never wanted to let go of him. "I just want you to know that you're safe with me. And that you can talk to me."
Regulus breathed out a sigh of relief, turning his face, hiding it into the crook of James' neck.
"Thank you, James," he whispered, drawing small stars across James' back, gingerly putting a small kiss to the exposed skin of James' neck.
They were okay, James thought, tightening the hug. They were going to be okay.