Chapter Text
The Hogwarts Express buzzed beneath my feet as I fixed my blue and bronze tie with trembling hands.
It hadn't even been two hours and I already felt homesick.
Don't get me wrong, I loved Hogwarts. I loved the lessons, I loved the castle and I loved the magic pouring out of every corner around me.
But I missed my family.
Hogwarts, wonderful as it was, couldn't fill the empty spot in my heart that I always felt when I had to leave my Mum and sister behind.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat and focused on the conversation my dorm mates were having in front of me.
"-so much for your drawing of us! It is one of the best and most beautiful Christmas presents I've ever gotten," Lina just told Valerie.
Valerie was known for her talent in drawing. She would only scribble on her parchment during classes and it would end up being beautiful.
Valerie smiled brightly as she tucked a streak of her light brown hair back behind her ear.
"Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it; I was a bit in a rush to finish it in time."
"Don't worry, it's flawless. I wish I could draw like that..." Lina leant back on her seat in exasperation, still smiling lovingly.
"Oh, don't talk yourself down like that! I wish I were as intelligent as you are. And I absolutely love the book that you've sent me. I finished it in less than a week," Valerie chuckled.
My eyes burned and I turned to look out of the window, where the green hills began to fade into a scenery of colourful fields.
Not only did I have a lump in my throat, no.
Now they had also twisted the knife in my chest.
I should have been used to it by now, but I felt that painful tug every time I got reminded of the fact that I didn't really belong.
I was part of their group, alright. Officially.
They liked me, were super nice to me, and considered me their friend.
But unlike everyone else in my dormitory, I wasn't a best friend. When it came down to it, I had no one in the castle.
I hated that petty part of myself - always complaining and radiating 'pick me'-energy, just because I was too wimpy to deal with the fact that I was only a friend, not a best friend. I mean, how spoiled does that sound? But I couldn't help it. It really upset me.
There were times in which I felt as if I was an equal in our friend group. Actually, they treated me like an equal most of the time and I really, really liked them. They were my best friends.
But then, there were also moments such as a birthday during the holidays, where they simply forgot or didn’t care to invite me.
Up until this moment, I'd actually believed that the situation had gotten better during the past year, and that they really considered me a best friend now, too.
But neither of them had gotten me any present for Christmas. Which wouldn’t even have mattered, had they not basically just told me that they’d gotten everyone else something and I had been left out yet another time.
I looked at the landscape flashing by in front of me, trying not to think about my childish issues too much.
You have Francisca. And you have friends, you're never alone. You don't need a best friend, you wimp. You're fine, now pull yourself together.
"And thank you for the cute flashlight you sent me, Freya," Lina said, now talking to me. I didn't even have to look to know that she was smiling.
"Yeah, it's so pretty," Valerie agreed. "I- wait, Freya, are you alright?"
I blinked away the tears brimming in my eyes and faced them again, a smile on my lips. "Yes, of course!"
Their sympathetic expressions told me that they were seeing through my act.
"Oh, sweetie." Lina stood up from her seat next to Valerie and sat down next to me, hugging me from the side.
As much as I was upset for feeling lonely, I still leaned into her comforting touch. Lina gave the best hugs, after my mother and sister of course. With her being so tall, I couldn’t help but feel sheltered from the world and reality outside.
Despite my attempts to keep it together, a tear escaped from my eye while Lina was stroking my back in a soothing rhythm.
"Is it your parents again?" She asked softly.
I shrugged, trying to keep my breathing even. "Amongst others. The usual."
It was partly the truth. A part of me always feeling homesick was because of my unhealthily strong attachment to my mother, and I had that because my father was a prick. And I really mean that in every way possible, literally. Like, if you searched the encyclopedia for the word ‘arsehole’, his name would stand there.
I loathed that man (or ‘muž’, as we sometimes called him when we were talking behind his back) with all my heart, but loved my mother even more than possible. Probably because the love meant for two parents was concentrated on a single person.
With my mother being way too nice, she didn't file for divorce, although that man was constantly mentally abusing her. She still believed that he would change for the better. My heart ached for her. She deserved so much better, and my homesickness was very closely correlated to the fear of what my mother would be going through, now that she was alone with that man again.
The other part of me just felt homesick because I was a mama's girl, but of course I didn't want to admit that. For a sixteen-year-old girl, that was way too embarrassing.
"It's okay," Valerie, who was also coming over to hug me now, said. "We've got you. We'll meet with Aleya as soon as we're in the castle, and then we'll just enjoy our reunion, okay? Forget about sadness!"
I smiled and pulled back from the hug, taking in a deep breath. "I'd love that. Thank you."
"Of course," Lina patted my shoulder reassuringly, her dark green eyes shining with warmth as she mustered me. "Would you like me to get you anything? Chocolate Frogs, or a Cauldron Cake?"
"No, thank you," I replied while standing up and wiping my cheeks. I was quite embarrassed by this whole outburst and in desperate need of a change in scenery. "I wanted to say hello to Anna anyways. I'll maybe get something on my way."
"Okay then, see you."
"Yeah, bye."
I opened the door to our compartment and stepped into the hallway of the train, taking another deep breath to collect myself.
Looking in each direction, I wondered where my friend might be.
Slytherins usually sat close to the end of the train, so that's where I decided to head off.
Passing by, I peeked into every compartment.
Sixth year Gryffindor girls, Hufflepuff first years, fourth or fifth year Slytherin boys, seventh year Slytherins....
Then, finally, I saw Anna's brown ponytail in a compartment and slowly opened the door.
It quieted down when everyone's eyes fell upon me, and I immediately wanted to disappear.
"Hey Freya," greeted Anna, smiling brightly.
Her three compartment mates, two boys and one girl, smiled and said their compulsory hellos.
My friend's blue eyes twinkled as she patted the free seat on her left. "C'mere. How are you?"
I shrugged and sat down, trying to ignore the attention. "Oh, the usual."
Anna made a grimace. "Oh no. You know I'm here for you."
She was my eldest friend; we were basically friends since our early playground days. She knew very much about me and I knew that I could always trust her and come to her.
But fate had its way and we were put into different classes at primary school and sorted into different houses at Hogwarts, so we didn't see each other that much.
Aside from that, she was an extrovert, never shying away from conversations. She had many friends, most of which I didn't even know, so she barely had time for me.
Although I may not be her best friend, I was her longest one and that meant something to both of us.
I nodded. "I know, thank you. So, how was your Christmas?"
Her face immediately lit up again. "Great, thanks for asking! We went skiing in Austria and I couldn't find an owlery, otherwise I would've written to you. You were staying at home, right?"
I nodded. "As usual, so that grandma could visit."
Anna's head moved to look at her trunk above us. "Darn it, if this thing weren't so heavy, I would've given you your present now." She sighed and gave me an apologetic look. "I'll bring it with me to breakfast tomorrow."
"No problem," I replied, smiling at the familiarity of it. I had already given her my little present when we had left Hogwarts, but – as usual - Anna hadn't even started gift shopping back then. I was used to getting her presents after the holidays, and I was completely happy with that.
I glanced at the other three Slytherins in the compartment. They were talking to each other, but I didn't miss the sneaky glances they kept throwing at Anna, waiting to let her participate in the conversation again. I didn't want to be a burden.
I stood up. "I actually just came by to say hi. It was lovely to chat with you again. I'll see you around at Hogwarts."
My friend nodded and stood up as well, pulling me into a brief hug.
Then I turned around and exited the compartment.
Looking at my watch, I slowly made my way back to my own compartment.
I sighed when I saw the time.
This was going to be a very long ride.