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She was just there, laying on the bed. It was night, everybody had gone to bed and all was silent. All except for the charming singing of the crickets. Summer was being mild and through the opened window Emily could feel the chilly breeze come into her room. She loved that part of the day, when she could be alone with her thoughts. The candlelight made the shadows dance on the walls, making seem as if the flowers on the wallpaper were alive. Emily closed her eyes and took a deep breath: she felt so relaxed. Her house and especially her room was her own world. Some nights Sue came in, sneaking into her thoughts. Actually, every night, but each day she awoke different sensations in Emily: some nights she sled in the room like a ghost, reached to where Emily was and invaded all her body until Emily could feel nothing but Sue. Her scent, her voice, her heat... All made Emily feel as if she was floating and she just let her body ride that wild trip that usually ended in some forbidden pleasurable place that she hardly ever regretted stopping by.
But most nights Sue was just there to inspire her writing. Every time she felt her friend's presence by her side she felt at home, a warm peaceful sensation that inspired her to write her sweetest verses. Her urge to cry for her physical absence was high, but in the night she always felt her company and that was why she craved that hour every day.
A faint scent of petrichor invaded the room and Emily knew that a light rain was showering Amherst. That comforted her. She knew that the flowers in her garden will grow even more beautiful than already were. She smiled. The village was beautiful that time of the year: everything blossomed, the grass and the trees were green, bumblebees buzzed everywhere and birds sung as a merryful melody. And a good part of that was thanks to those summer storms.
"Its raining Emily! Let's go outside!"she could still hear Vinnie yelling when they were kids and those summer storms made their appearance. Emily would always follow her to the garden, where they run as fast as they could as if in that way they could travel faster than the sound of their mother complaining. The woman had her reasons because the next day some of them would be resting in bed with fever if not both of them. Oh, how sweet were those young days!
The rain kept going. Emily woke from the bed and tiptoeing opened the door and walked downstairs. The candlelight lighted her way and she finally hit the conservatory's door knob. The magnolia welcomed her, it's branches configuring an arch and the scent of its flowers inviting the poet to get in. The rain was hitting the glass of the windows, now with more strength. And then she saw Carlo through the window.
"Carlo!"she screamed in a whisper "Get back to the porch, you'll get soaked!"
The animal should had seen the candlelight in the conservatory and wanted some company. He wouldn't move from there, where he stood wagging his tail and staring at Emily.
"Oh, fine" Emily rolled her eyes.
She opened the front door and the dog came in wagging his tail and ruining the carpet with mud.
"Right, that's future Emily's problem" she sighed thinking of how angry her mother would be. "Here Carlo come to the conservatory"
The candles made her particular jungle look under the warm light of a sunset. The rhythmic sound of the rain made her feel peaceful. She revised each of her plants: she greeted her orchids, she watered her lilies and she transplanted some roses. But what made her happier was to know that thanks to the rain her favourite flower would bloom: the Indian pipe. She had tried to grow some in the conservatory but all her efforts had been futile until now. The clock stroke 1 a.m. and by then she had finished her gardening. Satisfied she sat on the floor and petted Carlo. She just stared at the dark through the conservatory window, her head starting to ache with her overthinking. She leaned over her furry friend and said
"Aw Carlo, how much I miss Sue. Do you think she's fine in Baltimore?" the dog just stood there, calm and quiet, as if listening to Emily. She sometimes felt as if he could understand her "I love her Carlo, but not like I love mother nor dad, not even like I love Vinnie. No, I love her in the more intense way a human can love." She quieted herself for a moment "Do you think that's sinful?" She quieted again "I think I'm sinful Carlo, I think I'm one of the bad people." She kept grooming Carlo's fur with her fingers " I sometimes miss the days when I was a little girl, everything was easier, I was happier, I... " She started sobbing "Carlo I'm such in pain, I don't want to be in love with Susan, but I can't help it, I just miss her so much and it all breaks my heart. Why doesn't she answer to my love poems!?" She was getting nervous and Carlo twisted his head to lean it close to her mistress'. And Emily broke into tears and hugged the dog. "I'm sorry Carlo, I shouldn't cry, forgive me, it's just that it hurts so much. But I feel better now, thank you buddy." She wiped her tears and petted Carlo.
She got up and took the candle. There should be some wine in the cellar. She took a cup and went upstairs, Carlo following her.
"I'm going to write her a letter, just that, with no poem, just a simple letter."
But simple words wouldn't come out, she couldn't dedicate plain words to her most beloved person. So she just drunk all the wine, layed on bed and stared at the ceiling.
"Hm, alcohol never worked on me, I can't forget Sue" But then the wine made the effect it always did on her and she fell asleep .
When she opened her eyes it was still night and the rain had stopped. The breeze that entered from the window felt so good. She needed to fully feel it, so she woke from bed and went downstairs. She opened the door and stepped outside barefoot. The grass was wet and fresh. She loved that. And she started running, Carlo chasing her. They played together, Emily laughing and Carlo happily barking. Emily run and run through the hills until they reached the river. She undressed and jumped into the water. The coolness of the fluid run through all her body. She screamed, euphoric, feeling alive and Carlo jumped in with her. She was laughing so hard, getting those secret nocturnal swims was one of her favourite things of the summer. She started doing it a month ago, when the heat and the absence of Sue wouldn't let her sleep. She had observed how Carlo swam when she walked with him at day and one night she just had the idea to imitate him and dive in. The first times she got into the water she did it carefully, step by step, after all she had never swam before. The first time she went into the deep she was carried away by the current and almost hit herself with some rocks. But one feature from Emily's character was her insistence. And she spent that whole night imitating Carlo's movements into the water to stay afloat and not get swept away by the current. And now, there she was, as if water was her element.
In the river pool, nevertheless, there was no current and there she emptied her lungs and let herself sink. Quietness, that was all she could hear down there, the embrace of water, the welcoming of the depth. She got so relaxed every time she dove in that she lost the perception of time. It was the only moment in her life in which her head actually stopped thinking, it was just her and her body, her most primal sensations, and she loved it, in fact she craved it. But oxygen was running low and she needed to get to the surface to breathe. She reborn, as she did every night.
She got out and rested on the grass. She could feel the herb tickle all her body. She layed and rested her head above Carlo's belly. He was wet as well and smelled bad, but she didn't care. The stars had made their appearance after the storm and they were shining anew.
"Hmmm look Carlo, the night sky has changed, summer will not last much longer." she sighed "It's a pity, I will really miss all this when winter comes." she made a pause, closed her eyes and smiled "Well, by winter Susie will be back."
In her mind with her eyes closed she could see her, she could see Susan the day in which she had looked prettier than ever. Emily had made her a tiara with flowers and she was dressing it, a wide simile in her face, her hazel eyes looking at Emily. Emily was picking the flowers that most beautifully looked, composing a colourful and finely scented bucket.
"These are for you dolly"
Susan grabbed the flowers but her smile disappeared and she stopped looking at Emily. She was contenting herself, but she finally spoke.
"Emily" she looked at her friend "You know, you're not supposed to give flowers to another girl."
"Emily, who's that Emily?" she said with a low voice, trying to sound like a man "I'm Emile, your man who gives you flowers and a lot of pecks!"
And she started kissing her on the face, both of them laughing. She kissed her cheek, her forehead, her nose, her chin, her jawbone, her neck...but she got stuck there, onto that soft skin, so warm, so inviting....
"Enough Emily" Susan said, but Emily couldn't stop and Susan pushed her away.i
"I said it's enough Emily"
But Emily couldn't think straight, she was like if suddenly awoke from a dream. She was panting, trying to get back to her regular breathing. When she got back to reality she frowned. But she couldn't look at Sue's eyes.
"I have to get back home" Susan announced
"Yes, me too" Emily replied, looking nowhere, just trying to avoid visual contact.
"We'll see soon" Susan said, kissing Emily on the forehead before getting up an leaving
"Yes" answered Emily, not knowing if Susan was still there or not. She just couldn't move nor look anyway. She just stood there, God knows how much time, because eventually Austin came looking for her with a lantern.
"Emily where have you been?? You didn't even show to dinner!"
Apparently she had spent two hours just sitting there, next to the river, at the same spot at where she was tonight, laying nude on the grass, the moonlight basking her pale skin.
Yes, it had only been one minute since she had exited the water and she was thinking again of Sue. So was her love for her best friend.
Emily suddenly noticed that she got goosebumps, maybe because again she had spent too much time there wet, without garments and in that part of the night when the temperature reached its minimum. A robin sung. Emily slowly breathed out, knowing what that meant.
"Well Carlo, it's time to get back home."
She got dressed and started her way back, this time walking within the streets of the village. She stopped in front of the Cutler's house, the place where Sue used to live in. There were no lights in and she could only fancy Susan's room.
She got home just before her parents woke up. She got into bed and went to sleep, not without hearing before it the yelling from her mother:
"EMILY, DID YOU LET THE DOG IN AGAIN!??"