Chapter Text
A quiet day on Craggy Island. Ted has called a house meeting. Dougal and Mrs. Doyle are sitting side by side on the sofa, listening attentively to his explanation of the new situation; Jack is drifting from half-asleep to half-awake and back again in his chair.
“... and so I’ve been in touch with an agency who can send us a nurse for a few days a week. Someone who’s specially trained in dealing with Jack’s particular issues. That way, we can all get on with our work and... you know, other things, and we can be sure that Jack is receiving the best possible care. Now, if everyone’s happy with that arrangement, I’ll call them back and they can send someone next week for a trial.”
Dougal raises his hand.
“Yes, Dougal?”
“What other things, Ted?”
“What do you mean?”
“You said we can get on with work and other things.”
“Oh! Erm - you know. All the things we want to do, but can’t when we’re looking after Jack. Visiting friends, trips to the mainland, anything you like.”
“We do those things anyway though.”
“We could do more of them – or do them without having to bring him along. Imagine if you didn’t have to take him out for his walk every day, what would you do instead?”
“Er... I’d stay here and play Buckaroo with you.”
Ted grimaces.
“Ah right, I think I understand now,” says Dougal, nodding and smiling, “the nurse looks after Jack, and we play Buckaroo! That’s a fantastic idea, Ted. What could go wrong?”
“Well – yes, that’s one example of the sort of thing we could do. Now, Mrs. Doyle, are you alright with having one more person to cook for and so on? Of course it’ll mean you actually have less to do, because you won’t have to care for Jack at all while she’s staying with us.”
“We’ll see how it goes, Father,” says she housekeeper with a shrug, “I’m sure you know best.”
Dougal raises his hand again. He suddenly looks troubled.
“Yes, Dougal?” Ted sighs, rolling his eyes.
“She’s... staying with us, Ted?”
“That’s right, she’ll be here for maybe three or four days a week. She’ll have the spare room.”
“Will I have to talk to her, Ted?”
“Not necessarily. Just try to act normal.”
The young priest furrows his brow.
“Look, she’s not coming to see you, you’ll just happen to be in the same house. Say hello, talk about the weather or whatever, then keep out of her way, OK?”
“OK so,” says Dougal. He nods, but his expression of concern does not change.
“Let’s ask himself,” says Ted, indicating Jack.
Jack murmurs a little and opens one eye as Ted steps towards him. Dougal and Mrs. Doyle both edge away along the sofa, bracing themselves for any outburst that might ensue.
“Hello there, Father!” says Ted brightly, “Are you awake? Did you hear us talking about you just then?”
“Ugh... Drink!”
“Yes, we’ll get you a drink in a minute, I just want to...”
“Drink, drink!”
“Jack, listen. Would you like a nurse?”
“Yes, drink!”
“No, not a drink, a nurse. A woman to come and look after you. Would you like that?”
“Wo-man?”
“Yes, I expect so.”
“Nun?”
“No, not a nun. A nurse.”
“Nurse!” says the elderly priest, suddenly wide awake and grinning, “Yes, nurse! Nurse for Jack! Yes!”
“Remember, you’ll have to behave yourself for her, or she’ll leave.”
“Nurse, nurse! Not nun! Wo-man! Nurse!” Jack jabbers excitedly, bouncing in his chair.
“Great,” says Ted, turning back to Dougal and Mrs. Doyle, “I think that’s settled then. I’ll call back and tell them to send round their best but cheapest nurse as soon as possible.”
“Drink, drink, drink!” Jack demands.
“Dougal,” says Ted, “go and fetch Jack’s drink. Usual place.”
“Can’t the nurse get it, Ted? I want to play Buckaroo.”
“No, Dougal. She isn’t here yet, is she? I don’t think Jack can wait until Monday.”
“Ah right. So everything’s right back to how it started again. That’s grand.”
“No, nothing’s happened. Has it? We’ve only just decided to give the idea a try.”
“...What idea, Ted?”
“Drink, drink!” Jack shouts with increasing urgency.
“Ugh, I’ll just get it myself,” says Ted impatiently, “Stand up, Dougal.”
Dougal obediently gets to his feet, and Ted lifts the sofa cushion that he has been sitting on to reveal a bottle of whiskey that has been stashed there for safekeeping. Once the patient is placated, Mrs. Doyle potters off to the kitchen and Ted goes to make the ‘phone call. Dougal hangs over the back of the sofa listening as the arrangements are made, trying to make sense of the jumble of information that is jostling for space in his mind in between the sound effects records and rollerblading and matador costumes and teaching hamsters to ride bikes and fretting about having to meet someone new soon... who was it? Say hello, talk about the weather, play Buckaroo, act normal, Monday, Buckaroo, normal, weather, Monday, hello.