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It’s been a month.
A month since August. A month since the trip. A month since Naoya’s neighboring house was a joyful sight. A month since he had walked to school with the other. A month since everything ended, that night. Including his best friend’s life.
As Naoya laid in his bed, devoid of any emotions, he thought back to that day. To the last time he saw Tomohiko, to when he kneeled over his stilling body. He stares at his ceiling as if it’ll give him the answers why. Why he couldn’t have lived any longer? Why did Tomohiko have to take his final breathe next to him that night? Naoya had never been religious, but he feels himself blaming whatever god is out there for everything.
No. He shouldn’t blame anyone. Anyone but himself. He was the one who caused everything. If he had been better to him that night. Why had he started accusing him of such things? Tomohiko Kizami, being the extra?! In no world that would ever be possible. Tomohiko had been there since birth. Tomohiko had been there when his first tooth fell out, Tomohiko had been there when he scraped his knee trying to ride his bike, Tomohiko had always been there for him. Yet it feels like Naoya was never there for him. Naoya was the one who pushed him over the edge. Naoya was the one that drove him to do such things. Naoya was the one that caused his death. Not Izumi. She was protecting Kouichi, she was trying to keep people safe. But she still killed him. She still killed Tomohiko that night. She still laid the final blow.
As Naoya felt himself drifting, he got to the deeper parts of his mind. What would Tomohiko look like up close? Would he care if Naoya was studying him closely? What would Tomohiko look like if Naoya finally said what he wanted? Saying how much he cared for the older, saying how amazing he was to everyone, especially Naoya himself, saying how he looked so cute with his glasses on, how they make his eyes seem bigger, letting Naoya look at them more. Would Tomohiko feel disgusted with his words, or would he feel the same way? Would he flush at the compliments? God, Naoya would love to see Tomohiko blush at his words.
What would it feel like to kiss Tomohiko? Are his lips chapped? Is he experienced? Deep down, Naoya prays he wouldn’t be. What if Naoya was his first kiss? The thought made Naoya squirm. The first person being able to trap his lips in the other boy.
He wishes he could’ve kissed Tomohiko once.