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Chapter Text

CHAPTER ONE

The majestic sails rotated slowly in the wind with a hint of sun peeking out from behind clouds to bathe the old building in a golden light, illuminating one side and casting a long evening shadow across the ground. Jonathan Creek trudged along the length of the lane leading up to the windmill, taking none of the pleasure he used to in the view of the place which had been his home since childhood.

He’d been back living here again for about ten weeks since he and Polly had decided to separate. It wasn’t that he hadn’t seen it coming, hadn’t realised they were having relationship issues. Of course it wasn’t perfect, but wasn’t that normal? He had been trying his best to make her life as easy as possible, to stop the little silly arguments which had been creeping their way into their life, but that only created more antagonism; her calling him spineless, telling him to be more of a man.

Polly was a beautiful woman. No doubt about it. That was what had done him in in the first place. A gorgeous woman like her wanting him. That didn’t happen to Jonathan, didn’t happen to men like him. So when it did, finally, after so many years of short liaisons or unreturned affections, he dove straight in, with barely a thought as to their actual compatibility.

He wasn’t ready to admit to himself what others could clearly see; that he’d changed himself too much into what Polly wanted and expected of him. That he hadn’t been happy in himself since they’d got together. And that ultimately there would have to be a breaking point where his resentment, acknowledged or otherwise, would rise up to the surface. It was quite incredible that a man with such insight into others’ motivations was so oblivious to his own.

For now though, he remained ignorant to his real emotions, and spent his evenings and weekends in relative solace, trying to reconcile what had happened in his own head. He thanked whatever gods may exist that he hadn’t had the heart to sell the mill when Polly had suggested it early on. They’d since moved back out of London, but when they’d first got together, she’d wanted them to get further up the property ladder, which would have entailed selling quickly. Thankfully, by moving into the advertising world and attracting a bigger salary, plus the benefit of ongoing book royalties from the publisher of one Maddy Magellan, Jonathan had been able to secure them a sizeable home in Islington whilst also maintaining ownership of Shipley Mill. Since then, she’d tried again to get him to sell it so they could buy a city bolthole to stay in during the week but that had, in fact, been one of the final straws. He’d tried to convince himself he was ok with it; he even went through all of his belongings and got rid of a lot of precious mementos (and a lot of junk, his treacherous brain reminded him) but in the end he just wasn’t able to let go of the memories and history contained within its strangely shaped walls.

He was sitting in silence in his living room later that evening when the shrill ring of his mobile interrupted his dark thoughts. With a cursory glance at the screen, he sighed and then answered, sounding almost as depressed as he felt.

“Adam”

“Jonathan!” came the response, his ex-employer sounding impossibly overjoyed to be speaking to him. “I’ve decided it’s time for a night on the town. You and me. Friday. What do you say?”

Jonathan sighed once more, audibly down the phone this time.

“I’m not taking no for an answer.” said Adam.

“No” said Jonathan firmly.

“Yes” responded Adam with his insane positivity. “You need to blow off some steam, get back into the real world.”

“I’m in the real world, Adam. I’m going to work every day, surrounded by real people in real London. I don’t need to experience real nightclubs and real strippers to know that this is my real life”.

Even Adam faltered at the darkness with which this statement was delivered, but then followed up with a question. “Well, what do you need?”

“Peace and quiet” came the reply.

“Jonathan…let me help you.”

“You can’t” he said bluntly, then took a deep breath in, realising he was being unfair. “I just need some time to process everything”.

“I understand that, but you can’t process everything on your own. You need to talk about it. And I’m willing to listen”. Jonathan’s eyes widened slightly, surprised at the insight and compassion of the man he had often considered to be void of any feelings.

“Friday”, pressed Adam, “We won’t go out. Come to mine, or I’ll come to you”.

“Ok, ok.”

“Yes?” queried Adam, surprised he’d actually gained agreement. “Yes, right, Friday. 8 ok? I’ll come to yours…which is, uh, where exactly?”

“I’m back at the mill”

“Ok, great, excellent. I’ll see you then. Friday at 8. And Jonathan?”

“Yes?”

“I know I’m not very good at this but I really do want to help you”.

“Thank you Adam. See you on Friday”. Jonathan ended the call and tapped the phone against his chin, a hint of a smile ghosting across his face as he appreciated what it must have taken Adam to say that. Quickly though, he sunk back into his thoughts, staring into nothingness until he forced himself to get up and go to bed. Alone.

***********

The rest of the week passed uneventfully for Jonathan, with more of the same. Using all the energy he could muster to get through each day at work, he talked to as few people as possible and closed his door to the outside world when he could. He hid away in his lunch breaks and rushed home in the evenings to his sanctuary. He was amazed how many people assumed they knew what he was going through and what he wanted, those who’d been through a separation or divorce who thought he should be ‘getting back out there’, ‘finding a rebound’ or any one of a number of other ridiculous clichés. As such, it was almost a relief to find Adam already at his door when he got home on Friday night, despite his brain reminding him how ironic that was because Adam would probably tell him every one of those clichés too. Perhaps they’d be a little more palatable coming from someone he knew well enough to shoot down immediately though.

“Hi” he said, smiling at the familiar face before him.

Adam looked a little disconcerted at the vision of Jonathan before him, looking so dishevelled and tired, but he covered it well with a gleaming smile and approached the other man to give him a hug. At this unanticipated gesture, Jonathan wilted a little and his body gave an involuntary shudder as he tried to keep his feelings in check, and a sob threatened to force its way out.

He buried it down quickly, and fished out his keys, inviting Adam in and sending him up to the living room as he grabbed a couple of glasses for the wine which Adam had brought.

Adam poured two large glasses of “the best Pinot Noir in the world, from a little place in the south of New Zealand”, which he’d visited two years previously, and they settled into the sofas opposite each other. Both looked apprehensive at the situation and conversation ahead of them, it feeling so unusual for them both.

“So, perhaps we should start with something easy” suggested Adam, “How’s work?”

Jonathan snorted slightly, “I’m not sure that the easiest conversation point for the two of us, is it?”

Adam returned a grim smile and tilted his head in acquiescence, acknowledging the difficulties they’d had when Jonathan had handed in his notice. “Well, hopefully we’re past that these days. It has been, what, two years?”

“Almost” he replied, and then took a deep breath before responding to the question. “It would be hard enough to keep up a good standard and concentrate on everything without having to deal with it being the family business. Polly’s gone to work out of the New York office, but that doesn’t stop the gossip”, he gave Adam a pained smile and took a swig of wine. “So I need to make a decision what to do, or perhaps one is going to be made for me before I have a chance”.

“You know there’s always a job with me Jonathan”.

That received Adam a glare in return. “Really? Let’s manipulate Jonathan’s disastrous love life again for the good of Adam. Is that why you’re here?”

“No! No. Absolutely not’ responded Adam, visibly shocked at Jonathan’s outburst. “I just meant…if you need anything at all, I’m here. I didn’t mean…”

Jonathan sighed and gave in. “I get it, Adam. It’s ok. I’m just a bit nervy at the moment, sorry.” Then followed up with a grim smile, “Not getting much sleep”.

“So you miss her?” queried Adam, genuinely intrigued by an emotion he didn’t think he was much capable of, and feeling a little more brave to press for some deeper truth after several mouthfuls of wine.

“Yes. Well…I think I do, but then I wonder if I just miss the companionship, what I had got used to. And I’m also enjoying the solitude of being back here. London’s so busy. All the time. But then I feel like I’m being unfair and unfaithful to her somehow.”

“By enjoying being alone?”

“I’m not enjoying it exactly. My brain doesn’t stop wondering what I could have done to save our relationship. But I’m remembering…oh I don’t know, it sounds ridiculous.”

Adam had the sense to stay quiet and wait for Jonathan to complete his stream of thought.

And after an extended silence, Jonathan did just that. “I feel more like me than I have for a long time” he said quietly, looking squarely into his wine glass.

Adam let that sink in, for Jonathan more than himself. He was relieved to hear it come out of Jonathan’s mouth. Then he changed the subject again and they spent the remainder of the bottle of wine reminiscing about old times. It was only as they were halfway through bottle two that Adam asked another question of Jonathan.

“Did you…do you…really love Polly more than any other woman you’ve been with?”

Jonathan took a moment to respond. “I thought I did. When we met. When we were first together. On our wedding day” he sighed. “But now, I just don’t know anymore.” A pause. “I wonder if lust got the better of me.”

“As compared to…?” Adam left the question open-ended, thinking blatantly of Maddy but not quite brave enough to voice her name.

Adam saw the turmoil on Jonathan’s face as he made to start a sentence three times before simply shrugging his shoulders and gazing off into the distance in that inimitable way of his. Then, after a prolonged silence, Jonathan surprised Adam by speaking again.

“I assume you mean Maddy” he said, raising a cynical eyebrow towards his ex-employer, and receiving a small nod in return. “It’s been over ten years, Adam. There’s no point dredging up the past, and you know we were never really together anyway.”

Another silence and another sigh. “I don’t understand this obsession you all have with her. With us”, Jonathan continued, with some anger in his voice.

Adam shifted uncomfortably in his chair and then reasoned that the wine had loosened his lips enough to tell the truth; no bull for once, and echoing the sentiment that Jonathan had expressed earlier in the evening. “Because you were you when she was around.” he said simply.

He let that short sentence hang in the air for a while, then he continued with an ironic smile, “And I may not know much about long-term relationships, but I do know that most of them end up with little or no sex anyway, so the sexual nature of your relationship was secondary to the fact that you were a couple in almost every other way.”

Jonathan didn’t respond, he just looked ill at ease at possibly the most perceptive sentence Adam had ever uttered in his life, and averted his gaze anywhere except towards the man sitting opposite him.

Suddenly something else occurred to Adam and he asked, “What did you mean, ‘all’?” Jonathan looked at him, puzzled. Adam continued: “You said ‘this obsession you ALL have’”.

Jonathan rolled his eyes but answered the question. “It’s not just you. My parents too. They never even met her. But mum’s friend Ingrid…you remember Dr Strange and the monkeys?...she told them all about her. And they’ve read the books. For some reason they took a liking to her and they’ve never let it go either. It wasn’t particularly fair on Polly.”

“In what way?”

“It was never anything obvious. Not directly to Polly anyway. They just weren’t as warm to her as I’d have expected to the potential mother of their grandchildren.”

Adam frowned, not quite making the same non-sequitur which Jonathan had in his head, “Are you sure that was because of Madeline?”

“Yes! Well, no, I mean…I suppose not. I just assumed…” Jonathan tailed off, his voice faltering as he continued, realisation dawning on his face. “I just assumed it was because of her. I didn’t ever think that maybe they just didn’t like Polly”.

“I didn’t think you made assumptions about anything” said Adam, keeping his voice gentle, and topping up Jonathan’s glass with the last of the wine.

“Sometimes love can do that to a person”. Jonathan said meekly, and Adam wondered if his friend even knew his comment could be taken to relate to either woman. He could see Jonathan’s mind moving at a million miles an hour and waited a few minutes before he spoke again.

“So, in the end, was it you or she who…?”

“Polly? Who ended things?” asked Jonathan, to clarify what Adam meant. A nod from the other man. “Me. Well, both of us I suppose. We’d been arguing for months. Or, to be more specific, she’d been arguing for months, or trying to. I’m not very good at arguing,” he sighed. “Every little thing I did was wrong – what I said, what I cooked, what ideas I came up with at work, what clothes I wore…it was never ending.”

“And you had enough?”

“I was trying to make things better. Trying to do what she wanted, what she needed. But it just got worse. I couldn’t see a way out,” said Jonathan, gloomily. “I still can’t. If I could just figure out what to change, what to do to fix it…” his sentence trailed off as he continued back into deep thought once more.

“It doesn’t sound like there was anything you could have done,” said Adam softly.

“That’s the conclusion I’m coming to as well,” replied Jonathan sadly.

The pair rounded off the evening with a large pour of Lagavulin, and some more reminiscing, before Adam said his goodbyes, and told Jonathan he’d be back again next Friday evening.

Jonathan remained pensive and sat on the sofa with another measure of whisky, taking his time to think through the conversation with Adam, which had been surprisingly helpful for him, although it would take him the weekend to process all of what had been discussed.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER TWO

The following Friday, Adam was once again waiting at Jonathan’s door, this time with a bottle of Bruichladdich, bypassing the wine and moving straight to whisky. For his part, Jonathan had thought ahead and prepared some food so that the next day’s hangover wouldn’t be quite as intense as the previous week’s. In the end, they started off with a bottle of wine from Jonathan’s kitchen and settled down to the table to eat.

Adam had had an eventful week putting the finishing touches to his next run of shows in the West End, set to begin the following month. Most excitingly for him though, was that for the first time ever he had been invited to present a series of shows in Las Vegas later in the year.

“Sin City, Jonathan. Can you imagine? All those gamblers, all that sunshine, all that ass.”

Jonathan rolled his eyes at Adam with a smirk on his face, “I’m sure you’ll love it.”

“I know I will. We have some great new pieces for the London show which we can take across, and we’ll create some new ones especially for Vegas.”

“What are the new ones?” Jonathan asked innocently, his curiosity sparking.

“Not jealous, are you? You’ll just have to come see the show.” Adam said jokingly. “You and I both know I would prefer to still be working with you” he conceded, “But I have to make do, and Charlie really is excellent at what she does.”

“And she’s too smart to ever sleep with you,” retorted Jonathan.

“You wound me” said Adam lightly, “But you’re right. I’ve given up even trying.”

“Respect for a woman, Adam? I never thought I’d see the day.”

Adam grinned, before saying, “You seem much more positive today. How’s the week been?”

“I have to thank you for last Friday, I think” responded Jonathan. “It helped clarify a few things for me.”

Adam waited while Jonathan gathered his thoughts and took a breath before carrying on, “I handed in my notice on Monday, which they accepted, and they allowed me to finish up today instead of working out my three months. I am now officially unemployed,” he said with a small smile, and raised his glass towards Adam in a ‘cheers’ motion.

“That’s great. To be honest, I’m relieved,” said Adam, reaching over and chinking his glass against the other, “I think it will be good for you to get away from there for a while.”

Jonathan nodded, and continued, “I’ve decided to take some time out. I’m going to visit my parents in the US. I leave on Sunday.”

“Wow. So soon”.

Jonathan shrugged and replied with a hint of bitterness, “Why not? Nothing keeping me here.”

“Where are they?”

“Philadelphia. Dad taught at the university. Long retired now, but they stayed. Their life is there now.”

“But not their son” ventured Adam.

Jonathan shrugged again, “That was my choice. I could have gone there to study when they emigrated, and then got a job there, but I wanted to stay in the UK. We’re still close. They haven’t forgotten about me.”

“I wish mine would forget about me,” intoned Adam, conjuring images of his older sister Kitty.

“Oh, don’t say that, Chester!” joked Jonathan, using the birth name which Adam hated.

“Ha ha. Very funny,” rebuked Adam, secretly pleased that Jonathan was in somewhat of a good mood. “So how long are you going for?”

“I don’t know. I got an open ticket. They might drive me crazy in a week, or I might stay longer.”

“And then what?”

“I don’t know,” Jonathan repeated, “which is quite a good feeling.”

“More advertising, do you think?” pressed Adam.

“There is a part of it I enjoy. A lot of it is like solving puzzles, trying to figure out what the consumer wants, how best to manipulate them…but that’s the problem. At least with magic, people know and expect that they’re being manipulated. I’ve never been completely comfortable with doing the reverse.”

“I’ve never thought of it like that before” said Adam, looking a little perplexed.

“Neither did I, until I started working there.” A pause, before he continued, “It was never the dream, was it? Me working in the corporate world. But I don’t hate it.”

“But you don’t love it either,” stated Adam, not even needing to voice it as a question.

“No” he answered honestly. “But there are plenty of worse things I could be doing. And there were lots of downsides to showbiz too.”

“Ah, but the upsides Jonathan. What about the upsides?” responded Adam with a smile on his face.

“Watching you get all the glory?” deadpanned Jonathan, “Yeah, fantastic,” he smirked, and then continued after a pause, “I’m looking forward to taking some time out with no plans or expectations. I don’t know what’s going to happen afterwards but that’s ok.”

“Well, as long as you promise to visit me in Vegas if you’re still over there in September.”

“I’ll let you know.”

Adam then broached another difficult subject, “Have you spoken to Polly?”

“She doesn’t want to talk to me right now. But she knows I’m leaving. I suppose she’ll come back to London once I’ve gone.”

“What do you mean? Why won’t she talk to you?”

Jonathan shrugged and stared into his glass, “She says she needs more time. I don’t know.”

Adam was silent for a minute before thinking out loud, “Do you think she’s frustrated that you’re refusing to fight with her? If that’s the only way she was communicating before, she was able to use that to blame you for what’s happened, but now you’ve taken away that reason. So it’s easier for her not to talk to you than face up to the truth.”

Jonathan was stunned in the face of such blazing insight, and only after a long pause did he try to lighten the mood, “What’s your name and what have you done with Adam Klaus?”

Adam smiled somewhat self-consciously and responded with a hooded commentary of his own life, “It’s always easy to give other people advice that you refuse to take on board yourself.”

“I mean it,” continued Jonathan, “When did you become so insightful?”

Maybe I’ve always been insightful and you just never listened to me before,” Adam teased.

“Maybe,” came the response, “but I doubt it,” he smiled as Adam pretended to look hurt. There was a moment of silence before Jonathan continued, “Much as it pains me to admit it, I think you’re right. That’s something I’ve realised since we spoke last week; that this is what she wanted, but she was too scared, or too much of a coward, to just do something about it herself. God knows I can be a pushover, but there’s only so much I could take.”

“Good,” said Adam quietly, almost to himself, and then replied, “Like I said, maybe I recognise myself in that behaviour. And,” he continued, “I wouldn’t say you were a pushover, not all the time.”

“That’s what I’ve felt like for a long time,” sighed Jonathan.

“But not what you’ve always been,” responded Adam, somewhat cryptically.

The conversation turned to other things, and the rest of the evening passed pleasantly between the two friends, with Adam feeling very relieved that Jonathan appeared to be on more of an even keel than he had the previous week, continuing to make a few jokes with his dry sense of humour, some of which Adam understood and some of which flew straight over his head.

The pair eventually said their goodbyes, more sober than they had been the previous week, having filled up on a deliciously seasoned scotch fillet along with the wine and whisky. Adam wished Jonathan the best for his trip to the US and made him promise to keep in touch while he was away, and Jonathan in turn made Adam promise to visit or meet with him if he was still over in the States when Adam arrived to prep for the Vegas shows.

Once more, Jonathan found himself deep in thought after Adam had left him to join one of his many current conquests back in London, or so Jonathan assumed. Despite his continuing dark disposition, he found himself a little perplexed to have been uplifted by Adam’s visit and, once again, to have had a few more questions answered by their discussion.

He considered their talk and wondered whether he had, in fact, been a pushover for his whole life. He thought back to his childhood, and one tiny, specific memory came to him unbidden. He must have been around eight years old, and was outside playing in the garden, chasing after some orange and black butterflies. He remembered the summer light twisting through the tree branches, dappling onto his skin, making him squint to see the small, bright creatures as he followed them across the grass. He was so content in that moment, feeling only the light breeze as he ran, but then he heard the loud, angry voice of his dad shouting at him from the balcony of the windmill, and he stopped in his tracks, only to look down and realise that he was bang in the middle of the vegetable patch. His dad was livid that he’d been so careless, trampling across the herbs and through the tomato vines. Jonathan remembered the cold fear which gripped him as he watched his dad disappear into the mill and then reappear at the front door, marching towards his son. He almost felt the fat tears which had rolled down his cheeks as his father had told him off, but he had found himself incapable of speaking back and telling him it was a mistake, even as he’d felt his dad’s anger increasing at his lack of response, and he’d then reprimanded him for crying, for not ‘taking it like a man’. It was just one small moment in his life, and in hindsight the older man’s behaviour had been, while not quite reasonable, at least understandable in view of his beloved veggie garden being destroyed. His dad had certainly not been a bully and probably didn’t even remember the incident at all, but it had profoundly affected Jonathan’s behaviour from that point on. He would much rather try to smooth over a situation than have it escalate to raised voices and the threat of a full-blown argument. He supposed he took after his mother in that way, but he had always been uncomfortable with how that tied with society’s expectations of how he should behave as a male. From that point on, he became a little quieter, a little more timid, a little less reckless in any interaction with others. His parents must have assumed it was just him growing up, becoming less boisterous than he had been. But he remembered, still. The fear. The embarrassment. The need to be as small and quiet as possible in the hope that he could somehow disappear away from the moment completely. It was incredible that such a small incident could have shaped his life in such a massive way or, perhaps, Jonathan thought now, prior to that day it had already been shaped in ways he wasn’t even aware of, but that was the moment he chose to remember. And that realisation, for a man who was used to keeping himself so controlled and closed off to the world, was a much scarier proposition.

Then he thought further about Adam’s comment and took that to mean that he didn’t used to be a pushover, when they had first met and started working together. In Jonathan’s eyes, nothing could be further from the truth. He was at Adam’s beck and call, morning, noon and night and had very little life of his own. He decided he needed to ponder that comment further in the fresh light of day, took a final swig of whisky, and trudged up the stairs towards his bedroom.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER THREE

It was a relief for Jonathan to be out of London and in a different environment; the space between the two countries was also helping to create space in his mind which made it easier to, if not forget, then put aside his problems and become his more rational self on a more regular basis. He was also surprised to find that his parents were more helpful than not in this endeavour. He had assumed that they would attempt to coddle him and he would be stifled by their need to help and protect their child. While this was, in fact, what they were doing, he discovered that reverting back to being a kid, which happened to almost every adult who returned to their parents’ nest, was the best thing he could have done for his bruised soul. He was remembering who he had been; his hopes, dreams and aspirations bundled up to imagine a future that had not yet been created and which, he recognised now, had been well on their way to being achieved in earlier years of his adulthood, but not recently.

After his brother had died, Jonathan had become the only remaining child of parents who were also each single children, which meant that he had often been left to his own devices as a youngster, especially since Drs David and Sally Creek were both in full-time work as he grew up and, he now surmised, probably wanted to keep themselves as busy as possible to avoid facing the newfound quiet in their house. He’d often wondered how different his life would have been if Terry hadn’t died, or even if he’d simply had another close family member such as an aunt or a cousin to spend more time with. It was that old nature vs nurture question of whether he was quiet, reserved and introverted due to his upbringing, or whether that was his natural state of being. And now these niggling memories and thoughts of incidents in his childhood made him question it further. It wasn’t that this was something he wanted to change about himself; he couldn’t bear the thought of being loud and - as he considered it - obnoxious, but he could see that his personality may well have placed him at his current station in life, allowing himself to be led into a position which was comfortable enough to be acceptable, enjoyable even, but that wasn’t what he would have chosen for himself.

While he was somewhat unexpectedly enjoying being back in his parents’ fold, he was also ensuring he was getting enough time on his own, taking advantage of the parks and wildlife reserves dotted around the Philadelphia city limits, walking and hiking the trails and enjoying the different nature on offer to him in a different part of the planet than he was used to. There was something very light and easy about America which he enjoyed; he was coming to understand that the sarcasm and self-deprecation which Brits employed even at their happiest times somehow undermined their enjoyment of situations, which simply didn’t happen in the States. He knew that he was looking upon the city with privileged eyes, from the classy suburb of Bryn Mawr where his parents lived, to the luxury of not working for an extended period of time, and he was certainly not nearly naïve enough to ignore the signs of economic difficulties which he regularly spotted, but the difference in cultures could not be ignored.

His parents had long since retired, but his dad still guest lectured regularly at PAU and occasionally at Princeton, so Jonathan found himself spending more time with his mum, and in the month since he’d arrived, the two of them had inadvertently created a ritual of coffee and a chat at 4pm each day. Sometimes, if he wasn’t working, his father joined them, but more often than not, it was just Sally and Jonathan. Their discussions varied wildly; one day they might talk politics or the situation in the Middle East, the next reminisce about an old TV show they’d watched as a family, the next a new medical technique which Sally had read about. The talks which Jonathan valued the most but equally feared the most were those relating to his own life, personal and otherwise. His mum was careful not to push him too much, but in that uncanny way which parents have, she often knew just what questions to ask on the day when he’d been pondering the same issues.

“Have you heard from Polly?” she queried on this particular day.

He nodded softly, “She emailed me yesterday. It was very matter of fact. She’s back in London. She wants us to sell the house; she’s going to move back into the city. She’s getting divorce papers lined up.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

Jonathan took a moment before he responded, sipping his coffee, “Numb” he answered simply.

“How do you feel about the divorce?” Sally pressed on, “Is it what you want now?”

He gave a pained smile, “I think ‘want’ is too strong a word. Divorce isn’t something I ever anticipated.”

“I don’t think it’s something anyone ever anticipates.”

“No, I know. You’re right. I suppose I mean that I thought I was past that, not getting married until my forties, that all the relationship drama had come before that. Obviously not”, he ruefully shook his head.

“Oh, sweetheart”, said his mum, her heart breaking a little at the pain her son was obviously feeling.

“What do you think about it?” Jonathan asked, and could see that she was taken aback by the question.

“Well, it’s not really for me to comment on. I just want the best for you, whatever that may be.”

Jonathan, thinking back to one of his conversations with Adam, then continued with a question which had been plaguing him since. “You didn’t ever think she was quite right for me though, did you?”

“I…well, we…” she stopped, even more perplexed by this turn in the conversation than the previous query. “Where did that come from?”

“A talk I had with Adam before I left. It made me wonder whether…so I thought I would just ask you.”

Sally brought her coffee mug to her lips and took a slow gulp, taking time to consider her response before placing the mug on the table in front of her. “We liked her. We like her,” she swiftly adjusted. “We were happy that you’d found someone you wanted to be with. She’s been good for you in many ways, not least having someone to depend on and having a bigger extended family. You know that’s always worried us, for when we’re not around anymore. But we were…” she struggled to find the correct word, “…concerned…that your life was changing into something we didn’t think you would have chosen on your own. And when you were going to sell the mill, well, it’s your life of course, but you can understand how upset we would have been. And she didn’t seem to understand how important it was to you either, which seemed…unusual.” She took a breath to rearrange her thoughts, and looked up at Jonathan’s face, “So if you’re asking if we thought she was a perfect match for you, well, who knows? Does that even exist? A parent only knows one side of their child and we had to believe that you and that brain of yours knew what you were doing.”

Jonathan brooded into his mug for a couple of minutes before looking up again, “Thank you for being honest,” he said softly, “I think part of that is correct. You know I’ve always been happy in solitude, but not all the time. Having someone to share the future with instead of being alone, well, it’s a powerful force. Possibly more powerful than I thought.” His mum nodded and reached over to give his arm a quick squeeze as he continued, “But I have realised over the past couple of months that I’d become a different person without even really noticing. There was this day a few years ago when Joey – you remember, Joey Ross, the woman I solved a few cases with - came to find me at the office and openly laughed at what I was doing, how I’d become so corporate. I was offended, but deep down I knew she was right. I just wouldn’t listen to myself. Because I didn’t know what to do about it.”

“Well now’s a chance to change it, isn’t it?” responded his ever positive mother.

“I wish it was that simple. It feels like I need to start all over again.”

“And what’s wrong with that, darling?” continued Sally cheerfully. “Lots of people would like that opportunity.”

“Perhaps not quite in these circumstances though,” replied Jonathan darkly.

She changed tack, hearing the melancholy in his voice. “Jonathan, I understand that it’s difficult. I really do. And I hope being here is helping you. Maybe you just need to go back to the beginning – what were you really passionate about when you were young?”

They looked at each other and grinned. The unspoken word in the air didn’t even need to be stated. Magic. Of course.

“Why you couldn’t have just followed us both into medicine, I have no idea,” teased Sally.

“Feeling faint at the smallest sight of blood isn’t really a great prerequisite for that, is it?” he responded with a smile.

“Touché. Are you still involved in that world? Do you still go to see shows, know what’s happening?”

“Occasionally. Polly wasn’t a fan so it was difficult to make it regular,” he grimaced. “But I still get The Linking Ring and all the other magazines. And there’s so much online these days which makes it easier to keep track of it all. All these technology advances have changed the way everything works. The things we would be able to do now that were impossible ten years ago…”

There was a gleam in Jonathan’s eye that Sally had seen far too rarely since he’d arrived. “So?” she pressed.

“So?”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?” Jonathan looked at her quizzically and she continued with her train of thought. “You’ve got all this time here. Why not just have some fun? See what new ideas you can come up with. I used to love that, when you’d come and show me and your dad a new trick you’d created,” she smiled. “Until you got too good and it all went over our heads, anyway!”

“I don’t know,” responded Jonathan in a tone that his mum knew meant he’d already decided he would do it. In fact, knowing her son, he’d probably already come up with the idea himself before they’d even had this conversation.

“I had been idling with a few concepts” he continued, and Sally had to suppress too big a smile, happy that she still knew her son so well, and equally happy that he would be spending time on something she knew he truly loved.

“Well then. Keep going with them and who knows what might happen? Maybe you could create something new, or maybe it’ll just be something fun to keep your mind off everything else. Either way, it’ll be good for you.”

Jonathan shrugged non-commitally but Sally could still see a hint of a smile, and his brain already working through some small problem or other. She settled back into her chair, hand wrapped around her mug, and fondly watched her son doing what he did best.

************

A few days later, Jonathan came downstairs to make his first coffee of the day, head filled with thoughts of a new locking mechanism he’d read about online the previous evening, and found his mum sitting at the kitchen table, apparently waiting for him.

“Morning darling”, she said brightly.

“Morning,” he responded with a raised eyebrow, “Why are you looking so suspicious?”

“Am I? Not at all. Well…it’s just…the post came before, and there’s a letter for you.”

Jonathan hadn’t received any post in his time there, and didn’t know why he would, or where it would come from; his eyebrows furled in surprise. Sally produced an envelope from underneath the newspaper laid out in front of her and handed it over to her curious son.

She could have sworn he paled in shock when he took it from her, and his eyes widened as he appeared to recognise the handwriting immediately. For her part, Sally was very intrigued to know what it contained, because the sender had helpfully written their address in small script on the back of the envelope along with their name: Maddy Magellan.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER FOUR

Jonathan sat at the desk in his bedroom, staring at the envelope which he’d placed on top of a pile of papers in front of him, having taken it from his mum and made a quick exit before she could ask any questions. While he was fairly certain he had correctly guessed that Adam had got in touch with Maddy and told her where he was, it wasn’t something he had anticipated, and he didn’t know what to think. He had no idea what the letter would contain, and he was apprehensive to find out. He’d thought, for better or worse, that that chapter in his life had been closed, and he’d never expected it to be reopened. He picked the letter up and held it again in his hands, hoping to somehow divine the contents without actually opening it and reading the words inside. On the one hand, there was a small ball of warmth curling in his belly at the mere thought of Maddy, who had once been the most important person in his life, but on the other, there was a sharp blade of fear nicking the edges of that little ball as he contemplated what she was going to say to him.

He thought of the last time he’d seen her and his stomach clenched further in what he recognised as a mix of shame and embarrassment. He’d been in one of his cycles of being sick to death of the on-off relationship they’d been in for what seemed like an eternity. It wasn’t even enough of a relationship to be realistically called ‘on-off’, more of a co-dependency where both their minds occasionally delved into the wonderings of what it could potentially become, or perhaps should have become by now, if it wasn’t already too late. He’d been certain in that week that she was intent on making his life difficult, that she wouldn’t allow him to move forward to be with someone else, and he’d resented her for it. He was, however, unwittingly giving himself a huge amount of credit; in the intervening years he’d realised that she must have felt exactly the same way as he did. What he’d failed to recognise was that both of them went through these cycles of frustration and anger, interspersed with the opposite cycle of hope and optimism that things must surely work out for them as a couple one day. Unfortunately they hadn’t each moved through these cycles at the same time, so it often happened that one opposed the other, which merely resulted in further tensions and disappointment.

She’d not long been back from her book tour in the US, and they’d enjoyed a few happy weeks of simply being able to enjoy the other’s company once more, before another attempt at furthering their relationship was foiled by a stupid argument whose origin he couldn’t pinpoint to this day. Two weeks later, he’d been out for a drink with Carla in the pub close to the theatre and, from his vantage point in the corner, he’d seen Maddy come in and start to search the busy room for him, evidently wanting to patch things up. Instead of dealing with the inevitable fallout which he envisioned at the pair of them meeting each other, and the awkward discussion with her after two weeks of not speaking, Jonathan had made a rash decision to play the jealousy card which he knew Maddy would fall for, and he’d leaned towards Carla and kissed her, which she’d been angling for all evening. He’d felt the moment Maddy’s eyes hit the pair of them, and pompously presumed to catch the jealous vibes he imagined were radiating from her, but stubbornly refused to look in her direction, pretending not to have seen her. After a few more seconds, he couldn’t contain his curiosity, and slid his eyes towards her, only to see the back of her coat disappearing out of the rapidly closing pub door.

He’d felt very pleased with himself for a few hours. He’d shown Maddy that he couldn’t be walked all over, and that he had other options, and at the same time he’d moved things forward with Carla, although he’d already known that she wasn’t right for him, or he for her. It was only later that evening, in the quiet of the windmill, that a sense of shame had overtaken him. He’d also realised the irony of him doing what Maddy had attempted with Shelford so early in their own friendship - in the same pub, no less! - which he’d mercilessly taken full advantage of at the time, admiring her audacity but thinking that he would never do the same. He’d realised how petty and mean he’d been but tried to persuade himself that he was merely squaring up the goalposts, that Maddy had had him feeling trapped for too long, although he knew deep down that this simply wasn’t true.

From that point on, she’d become more distant, harder to get hold of, unwilling to meet up. She’d never mentioned what she’d seen, and that was when he knew he’d done a truly terrible thing. If it had just been throwaway, she would have brought it up again and again, making him feel bad but ultimately letting him know it wasn’t such a big deal. But she hadn’t, and he’d continually cursed himself for being too much of a coward to bring it up himself, not willing to entail the soul-baring embarrassment of explaining that he’d done it so that she would see it. He knew of and even expected such wild attempts to make him jealous on her part, so regular and over the top they’d become, almost an in-joke between the pair of them which they freely laughed about. He’d finally recognised later that, because he’d never given her any indication that he could be prone to the same mindset, in her view, he must be truly interested in Carla and no longer in her.

Then she’d announced she was taking a job offer in the US, and before he knew it, she was gone. The occasional phone call and letter had followed, but that slowly dwindled to nothing. He’d beaten himself up about what had happened for a long time, but instead of properly grieving for their close friendship or trying to resurrect it, he’d buried his feelings deep inside and insisted to anyone who asked that they’d simply grown apart.

But now, now, he held a letter in his hands that could maybe bring her back. And that scared and thrilled the hell out of him in equal measure.

Eventually, he took a deep breath and slid his finger under the envelope’s seal, then pulled out two sheets of paper with familiar handwriting on them. Taking another breath, he glanced quizzically at his shaking hands, then began to read.

Dear Jonathan,

I don’t know how to start this letter, so I’ll just write and hope it all comes out ok. I know this will come as a shock or a surprise, or both, after such a long time. Adam tracked me down and told me some of your current circumstances and said that he was worried about you. He thought I might be able to help. Please don’t be angry at him.

Jonathan couldn’t help feeling a small sense of smugness that he’d correctly divined how Maddy knew where he was, but he also recognised the absurdity of that in the current situation and remembered with a small smile how she would have mercilessly teased him for being unable to suppress such a sensation in their first few cases together. He also wasn’t sure how to feel about Adam’s meddling, with both apprehension and anticipation coursing through him at reading her words, but the magician could save for later.

I honestly don’t know if I would be a help or a hindrance to you; there are so many memories which have come back to me even since Adam called me, and it’s not all been easy to remember. What it has done though, is remind me just how much you helped me with some difficult times in my life, and that, regardless of anything else, you were a very dear friend to me, and it would be wrong of me not to offer that hand of friendship back to you if you need it. And I would be very happy to give it.

At least she didn’t hate him, he thought to himself, much more relieved than he cared to admit. Although that made things more difficult. If she just hated him, like he’d told himself over the years, he knew there was little he could do, so it had been easier to deal with. But she didn’t, and that released an unmistakable spark of joy inside him, which served only to confuse him further. ‘A very dear friend’, she’d written. Yes, he thought with sadness, she’d been the best.

I’m living in Washington, DC, so I’m not too far from where you are now with your parents. I’ve often thought of them over the years, wondering if they were still in Philadelphia. I’m glad to hear they are. I work mainly in politics journalism now, which is what drew me here. The corruption and entitlement are mind-boggling.

Of course he knew exactly where she was, and what she worked on. He’d kept track over the years and read every article of hers that he could find. He was proud of her brilliant and difficult political exposés, and very glad she hadn’t lost her crusading nature. He’d always admired that so much; a need to right the wrongs which she was able to, whatever the cost.

Then occasionally a mystery will fall into my lap and it’ll be like being back in London again; there’s nothing quite like it, is there?

This made him smile again, although he wasn’t sure if she was referring to the mysteries, or London itself. He surmised that she could have meant both, and hoped she did. He felt a pang of sorrow that she’d been involved in some mysteries without him, and immediately recognised the idiocy of that, given how many he’d solved without her. They’d never been quite as satisfying though, without her alongside him.

It saddens me more than you could know that we are no longer in touch. I can’t begin to explain or probably make you understand, and it must seem petty or silly to you, but at that time, I couldn’t continue pretending to be ok with being your friend and watch from the sidelines as you fell for someone else. It was the best thing to do for you, and for me, but now the years have passed and I would rather be honest than dance around the truth. Time heals a lot. Please don’t think I’m trying to apportion any blame to you; it was all self-inflicted. In hindsight…well, hindsight brings a lot of clarity but it’s probably best not to get into that here. Suffice to say, I’m sorry.

‘You don’t have anything to be sorry for’, thought Jonathan sadly. He re-read this paragraph multiple times and knew how difficult it would have been for her to write it, even after all these years. He agonised over the words she’d chosen: ‘the best thing to do’. Was it really? He knew he’d spend hours mulling over that phrase even as he knew the choice she’d made had been his fault. But he was grateful for the honesty contained in what she’d written, an honesty neither of them would have given to each other, or likely even fully to themselves, back then. He felt that surge of shame once more as the impact of his stupid behaviour was laid bare in front of him, and he closed his eyes to try to contain it, having to grasp the edge of the table to ground himself.

I would love to have you back in my life again, as a friend. And I would like to help you if you would let me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to, it’s completely your choice. That’s why I wrote instead of called (not to mention that it’s easier to put this in writing than say it to your face). I’ll put my email address and number at the bottom of the letter so you can contact me if you decide to, but I’ll understand if you don’t.

Maddy x

Jonathan’s mind was now in complete turmoil. The shame which had resurfaced was only intensifying at the absolute kindness which was contained in this offering of friendship, and it made him want to weep. She didn’t need to offer it; god knew it would be easier for her to maintain the status quo. It was only now that he truly recognised the importance of that small word: kindness. For the first time since being made aware of the letter, he thought of Polly. He realised with alarm that kindness was something which had been sorely lacking in his relationship with her, and from both of them. He wanted to tell himself this was a relatively recent development, but he knew deep down that it wasn’t. Sure, Polly had been kind on the surface, but her concern for his wellbeing and his needs had never outweighed her requirement for societal stature and approval. As a result, he’d become tougher and more brittle in response, which had crept up on him gradually. He’d always used sarcasm as a way to avoid facing up to feelings and emotions, but he realised now that he’d begun to use it cruelly, and he didn’t like himself for it.

Unbidden, a searing sob escaped Jonathan’s body. It shocked him as much as it shocked his mother, who heard the noise from where she sat downstairs reading and waiting for a sign that all was ok. Evidently it wasn’t. It was the first time in decades that he’d fully lost command of his carefully controlled façade and let his emotions take over, and he had no idea what to do about it. His body wouldn’t allow his mind to continue this or any train of thought, so he could do nothing but submit. Maddy’s letter dropped to the ground as he sobbed, tears streaming down his face which held a conflicting myriad of emotions.

In the depths of his awareness, he faintly recognised that he was grieving for two women and two relationships, and both in completely different ways. The spectre of his brother loomed large too, as did the status of his aimless current career. He finally began to calm down almost an hour later, and had the strength only to move from the chair to the bed where, exhausted, he fell into a deep and thankfully dreamless sleep.

***********

When he awoke mid-afternoon, he found a lukewarm cup of tea by his bedside, and a mum-shaped divot on the edge of the bed where she must have sat for a while. He was too drained to even feel any embarrassment at something which he would never have allowed his mum to be witness to.

He brooded for the rest of the day on his newfound realisations about his relationship with Polly, recognising that this would in time turn out to be a positive step forward for him in moving on with his life and reconciling his thoughts about their marriage.

In his head, he also listed all the reasons why it was a bad idea to reply to Maddy, trying to convince himself that it could only lead to further discontent.

Number one: The past was the past. Let bygones be bygones, let history be history. He’d spent, in truth, many years moving on and letting her go, regardless of whether that was his choice or not. It was never a good idea to go backwards, was it? And he’d have to be honest; tell her things he’d never said aloud. He wasn’t sure he could handle it.

Number two: He had obviously hurt her, and he didn’t want to do so further. She said she wanted to be his friend again and to help him, but could he really trust that? How could he be certain she wouldn’t want more? He didn’t know what he could or would want to give.

Number three: He didn’t want to be hurt more himself. He wasn’t sure if his heart had the strength to be pushed any further, and he couldn’t guarantee that all those old feelings wouldn’t resurface. If his response to a few pieces of paper were anything to go by, he was in a very precarious position. He knew where she lived and worked, but that was all – she was most probably with someone else. Could he handle that?

Number four: Surely she couldn’t actually help him. Discussing a woman he loved with another woman he’d once loved…yes, loved, he admitted to himself now in astonishment…didn’t seem like a very sensible idea. In fact, it seemed like a terrible idea.

But Jonathan also knew that, regardless of what his brain was telling him, his heart didn’t want to let this opportunity pass him by, even if it meant testing its fragility even further than its current breaking point.

By the time the following morning arrived, Jonathan had made his final decision.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER FIVE

Dear Maddy,

Thank you for your letter. You’re right, it was a shock and a surprise. I still haven’t decided what I’ll do to Adam for contacting you, but it’s good to hear from you. It threw me, but I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you wrote.

I’m not sure it’s a good idea for us to discuss my marriage, or if I’m ready to, but I’d like to be friends again. That seems a shallow thing to say given our history - ‘I’d like to be friends’ - but there’s no other way to word it.

I’ve kept track of your career and read what articles I could find. Glad to see you’re still trying to take down the establishment! Your exposé on the Republican campaign funds in the last election was brilliant.

I’m also glad to hear you’re still solving mysteries. You wouldn’t believe some of the ones I’ve had to figure out.

Looking forward to hearing from you again. Tell me about Washington DC.

Jonathan

************

Dear Jonathan,

I’m so glad to hear from you. I honestly didn’t think you would reply. Plus that compliment about my exposé is probably the only one you’ve ever given me, so even if I don’t hear from you again, that’ll be worth it.

Thanks for emailing instead of writing back. I thought it’d be nice to send you a letter initially, but I’m so used to typing that my hand cramped up after holding a pen for the first paragraph. I did contemplate replying with all the S’s removed, like your old typewriter, but I didn’t think you’d appreciate it.

I understand you might not be comfortable talking about your wife, but I’m here for you if you need it. Any time.

DC is a great city. There’s always something happening. We live in North Arlington, which is suburban enough to have a bit of peace and quiet, but close enough to the city to be able to be where I need to be when it requires. I work from home a lot, but sometimes I have to get to town quickly for work.

And this is when I need to tell you something important. I have a daughter. Her name is Sophie and she’s eight. She’s extraordinary and she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Her dad isn’t around anymore, but Sophie and I get along just fine. She’s smart, inquisitive and a complete chatterbox (no surprises there then – I’m saying that before you do!). She’s also obsessed with playing soccer and tennis, which certainly doesn’t come from me.

I have to admit I’ve also searched out stories about your mystery-solving exploits so I’m aware of some of them at least, but I’d love to hear about them from you. What was the most difficult to solve?

Maddy x

P.S. Don’t blame Adam for anything. He’s worried about you – amazing for a man I always thought had the emotional depth of a teaspoon.

**********

Dear Maddy,

I’ll take that comment about the compliments with a pinch of salt. Maybe you always took them the wrong way?

As for the S’s? You’ll be happy to know that the typewriter still has pride of place on the desk in the mill. Perhap I’ll end you a hort letter once I’m back in We t u ex.

I had thought you might have a family, but I’ll admit it was still a shock to read that you have a daughter. I’m happy for you. She sounds like a great little girl. It must be difficult bringing her up on your own. Have you got a good network of friends there?

What about Barry? Are you still in touch?

And the mysteries. There have been a lot over the years. They all had their difficulties. They’ve all been as far-fetched as ever! I even got one completely wrong, you’ll be happy to hear. Funnily enough I don’t think I’d have got it wrong in the first place if you’d been there – you were always much better at reading people than me, and that’s what I didn’t catch on this one at the time. (Another compliment. Unbelievable!)

Jonathan

P.S. Yes, Adam does seem to have discovered a reserve of empathy. Shocking, I agree.

**********

Dear Jonathan,

o you haven’t lo t your arca tic en e of humour then?

Re the compliments: yes, I know, I’ve never been good at accepting praise. Let’s leave it there, shall we?! Believe me, there are plenty of things I’ve realised since we last saw each other. I’m still as hot-headed as ever, but I think I can safely say I’m not quite so quick to act on it these days. Being a mum (or a ‘mom’) has helped with that immensely; my patience has never been tested so much, and she’s not even close to being a teenager yet.

Quite honestly, I’m happy that her father isn’t in our lives any more. It certainly hasn’t been easy and it took a long time for me to deal with, but I think it’s for the best for her. He walked out when she was four months old; she was a very poorly baby with terrible colic and reflux. He just couldn’t deal with it. So I was left to handle it on my own. I always promised myself that if I had kids, they’d have a proper family, unlike me growing up, but life doesn’t always work out like you want it to, does it? I’m sad for Sophie, for her not to have a dad or siblings, but there are much worse situations out there for her to be in, so we just have to move forward and enjoy what we have. Plus I’ve not had to worry about money, which is normally a big problem for single parents, so in that regard we’re very lucky. I have you to thank for that. If it wasn’t for those books, I don’t know where we’d be financially.

Do you have children? Adam didn’t tell me too much.

I’ve made some good friends here who have kids the same age as Sophie, and they are a godsend when there’s a big story I have to chase down, and need someone to pick her up from school or take her to soccer practice. Or when I need a glass of wine and a moan about life!

Yes, Barry is still Barry. Actually, he and Jason are Sophie’s godfathers. Unofficially anyway; we never did the ceremony. They spoil her rotten when they see her. They go to New York twice a year, so either we’ll go up there or they’ll come down here for a couple of nights and a good catch up. They’re doing really well. Barry’s always trying to convince me to write another book but I haven’t got the inspiration yet, plus the day job takes up all of my time right now. One day.

I have to ask. Advertising? How on earth did that happen?

Maddy x

***********

Dear Maddy,

You? Hot-headed? I can’t imagine what you mean…

Joking aside, I’ve realised that at least that meant I knew exactly where I stood with you, and sometimes that’s a lot easier than somebody fuming about something but not telling you. So don’t be too hard on yourself.

I’m sorry to hear about your ex. It must have been very difficult for you. But it’s good to know you have people around you for support.

No, no children. Polly didn’t want kids, so that was something I had to reckon with early on in our relationship. I suppose I’d always thought it would happen one day, but it wasn’t a deal breaker for me, so here we are now.

I don’t know how much Adam told you, but Polly wanted me to put the windmill on the market when we got married so that we could afford a bigger place in London together. It was thanks to the royalties from your books that I was able to keep hold of it, and that I’m back living there now. So you certainly have nothing to thank me for in regard to your books. Quite the opposite.

And as for advertising, I married into the family business. Simple as that. The big magic shows were going out of fashion and Adam wasn’t getting the theatre gigs anymore, so a change of scene made sense. Polly’s Dad owned the agency. The two are surprisingly similar in a lot of ways actually, manipulating people into believing things that aren’t necessarily true.

So much for not talking to you about her. Sorry.

Good to hear about Barry. Sounds like he’s still making the most of life.

What exactly did Adam tell you?

Jonathan

************

Jonathan Creek, I do believe that was almost yet another compliment. What has happened to you?!

I’m very happy to know that the windmill is still yours and that I contributed in some small way. I can’t imagine you without it. What would ‘The Jonathan Creek Fanclub’ say? That one bloke would have to sell his too! Do you think they’re still around? I have to say, that was one of the more surreal moments of my life, sitting in that tent surrounded by your wannabe lookalikes in duffel coats!

All Adam told me was that you were going through a separation, and that you’d come over to the States to spend some time with your parents, and he wondered if I could check in with you since I’d be closer than him. As I said, very out of character for him, I thought. I was touched, to be honest; I wouldn’t have thought him capable of such empathy. But I’m very grateful to him for it, now that we’re back in contact.

So what happens now with your work? Have you taken leave, or is it more permanent than that? Do you enjoy it? Advertising, I mean. And the corporate world? I see what you mean about the two being similar, but I still can’t imagine you in an office 24/7. It must be different though, having people expect they’re being manipulated by magic, vs not realising it in advertising. I wouldn’t have thought you’d get the same feeling from the two.

As I’ve said, I’m here for you, so please don’t apologise for anything you want, or need, to discuss. I know it might seem strange to write to me about Polly, but I can’t presume to know anything about your relationship, and I think time enough has passed between you and me for us both to have moved forward, don’t you?

How much longer are you planning to be in Philadelphia for? I’m due to be up there for work in a couple of weeks, if you’re still going to be around?

Maddy x

*************

Dear Maddy,

I’d hope both of us have moved forward. It’d be strange if we hadn’t, wouldn’t it? It has been more than ten years. It seems funny to say that, since some of it feels just like yesterday, and yet some of it feels like a lifetime ago.

I’d purposefully forgotten about the Fan Club. You’re right, that was surreal. Not quite as much as the bath of porridge oats though…even for you, that was quite a leap of imagination. That image has been burned into my brain ever since, like a Vincent Price movie.

I still have six weeks left on my visa before I have to leave the country, so I think I’ll stick around until then. I’ve left the company, so I am very much in limbo with no job or real idea what to do with myself. There you go with that damn insight of yours; you’re right that advertising feels too much like the wrong type of manipulation for me. And the corporate world hasn’t been the easiest for me to navigate. I can get by, but to say I enjoy it would be a stretch too far most of the time. I often found myself longing for the days when I was considered an antisocial hermit. I felt trapped by my relationship and my job being so intertwined, yet now I think I should have been careful what I wished for because the future is so uncertain.

So to answer your question, yes I’ll still be here. What are you coming for? Do you fly or take the train? Or drive? I have to admit I just said ‘god forbid’ in my head. I can only imagine your response.

You apologised to me in your first letter. I want to tell you before we see each other that you have nothing to be sorry for. It’s me who should apologise to you. I spent a long time after we were no longer in touch wishing I’d behaved differently; in fact, I still do, so I want you to know that I’m sorry.

Jonathan

***********

Dear Jonathan,

I think we both could have behaved differently, and hindsight brings clarity that’s impossible at the time, so let’s just say that we’re even, ok?

But thank you. It means a lot for you to say that. I didn’t realise quite how much it would affect me, so thanks for reducing me to tears and leaving my daughter to bewilderingly comfort her mother!

And no, I won’t be driving, you’ll be happy to hear. Not that you can say anything about that, you irritating person. Remind me again why I thought it would be nice to get back in touch? I’ll take the train; it’s only two hours and it works out faster than flying when you take transit time into account.

I have a couple of interviews to do for a long-form article I’m working on about inequality in the education system. Chicago and Philadelphia have been hard hit by rising crime and violence in the past 18 months, and I’m trying to show a correlation between lack of opportunity for underprivileged kids in their education, and the crime stats. Hopefully someone somewhere will listen once I’m done.

I’m coming up early morning on the 12th and leaving on the last train that night. Meet me for dinner?

Maddy x

Chapter Text

CHAPTER SIX

He was walking along the trail beside the Schuylkill River up in Pottstown when his mobile let off a shrill ring, startling him and the wildlife around him. Pulling it out of his jacket pocket, he frowned at the unknown North American number before pressing the answer key and holding the phone up to his ear.

“Jonathan Creek”, he stated, waiting to hear who was on the other end.

“Jonathan!”, came the unmistakeable voice of his former employer, “How are things?”

“Not too bad, Adam”, he responded. “You?”

“Great. Great. I’m in New York. You know it’s the IBM Convention next week in Dallas? I’m having a few days in the Big Apple before heading up there.”

“That time of year already?” said Jonathan. “Afraid to say I’m a bit out of the loop with all the events and conventions these days.”

“That’s why I’m calling. I thought you might like to come up for a couple of days? Assuming you’re still in D.C., that is? My treat.”

“Oh. Yes, I’m still here.” said Jonathan, somewhat taken aback. “I don’t know…” his brow furrowed. “Why?”

“I said I’d be in touch when I got here, so here I am.” Adam said brightly. “And I know if I’d just spent weeks with my family I’d be ready to get away for a night. So why not join me?”

Jonathan marvelled at how straightforwardly Adam viewed the world. It must be nice to have everything seem so easy, and so black and white. But Adam was right. He hadn’t had any time out from his parents, and after the past week he could probably do with cutting loose for an evening. Plus if there was anyone in his life to do that with, Adam was the one. A little voice in the back of his head was also telling him that there could be the opportunity to do some further research and meet up with a few people who could help with his current ideas.

“When are you going?”

“I fly up on Tuesday. We could get you a flight to land around the same time as mine, and head in together?”

“Ok” said Jonathan decisively.

“Ok?” echoed Adam. “Really? That was easy. I thought I’d have to work a lot harder than that.”

Jonathan gave a short laugh. “True. But you’re right. It would be good to get away for a night.”

“Excellent. I’ll get Asha to give you a call to sort out your flights.”

“Thanks Adam.”

“Til Tuesday,” Adam signed off.

Jonathan heard the beep as the call ended and he put his phone back in his pocket, marvelling that after no social life for months, he suddenly had to contend with two major events within a few days of each other. The irony of both being from what he thought of as his ‘old life’ was not lost on him.

He continued his way along the trail, watching the sunlight dapple its way through the trees, and decided it was futile to try to make sense of his current life status. Instead, he simply enjoyed the beautiful light patterns on the ground as he walked.

**********

Jonathan had been instructed to head out towards the pick-up area at the airport, and as he did he was met by the sight of Adam hanging out the sunroof of a white Hummer limousine with a bottle of champagne in hand. ‘Some things never change’, he thought to himself. The only thing missing was a woman on his arm.

“No girlfriends, Adam?” he grinned as he got into the car.

“Jonathan! You wound me. This is our boy’s night. I’m taking it very seriously,” said Adam as he slid his body back down into the car and they drove out of the parking area.

“There’s no need” said Jonathan nervously. “I’m not here for that kind of madness. Besides which, I probably won’t make it past 9pm before I’m yearning for my bed.”

“What’s new?” said Adam, smiling. “Don’t worry. I don’t have anything crazy planned. We’ll check out the show this afternoon and then I’ve booked us dinner at seven. And…” he looked sideways at Jonathan, “if you do your early disappearing trick, there’s plenty of fun I can find for myself later on.”

“As always” said Jonathan, conceding with a tilt of his head. He clinked the glass he’d been given against that of Adam’s and took a sip.

***********

After checking in at the hotel and dropping his bag in his room, Jonathan headed back down to the lobby and towards the accreditation area. Adam wanted to take a nap, having had a late one the night before, but Jonathan was keen to make the most of his time. After a brief queue he picked up his and Adam’s passes and wandered into the convention hall.

Having been away from the scene for a couple of years, it was quite a shock to still be recognised and greeted by so many people. This was the one place where he had always taken top billing over Adam Klaus; everyone in this world knew that he had been the brains behind the whole operation. He caught up with lots of old acquaintances and was asked several questions about where he’d been all this time, which he dodged accordingly.

After his time spent in advertising, it was a revelation for him to be amongst colleagues who he actually wanted to speak to and spend time with. He felt a little overwhelmed by the comfort he felt in this environment, having spent so long feeling like an outsider. He realised it was yet another tick on the list of reasons he needed to get back to magic in order to get back to himself.

He was in his element checking out updated concepts and hearing the latest news and was surprised to find that over two hours had passed in the blink of an eye when his phone buzzed with a message from Adam asking where to find him.

They spent another couple of hours walking round the show together, being accosted regularly by industry insiders who wanted to catch up. Adam pretended to be put out that he was sidelined for his semi-celebrity ex-consultant by the majority of their inquisitors, but he was secretly happy to see Jonathan in a much better mood than he’d last left him in London.

 ***********

The first course passed quickly as they discussed all the new tools and tricks they’d seen that afternoon, excited by one concept in particular that had huge potential for wowing big crowds. Jonathan was aware how advances in technology had been upending the behind-the-scenes of the business, but he’d been astonished to discover just how much had changed over the past decade. Things which would never have been possible previously were now feasible, and it was making his brain tick over doubly fast as he thought of the conceivable implications.

“Careful Jonathan, anyone would think you were back in the game,” said Adam slyly.

“I have been toying with a few ideas,” conceded Jonathan, to Adam’s delight.

“Well, you know the offer of a job will always stand.”

“Thanks Adam. I appreciate that. Although I’m not sure Charlie would,” said Jonathan, with a meaningful glance at Adam in reference to his current magical consultant.

“Oh, there’s plenty of space for the pair of you. Especially with Vegas coming up. I think you’d have a riot working together.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” countered Jonathan with a sharp look. “It’s been amazing to catch up on all the new tech, but I’m enjoying just playing around with concepts for now. It’s been too long since I did this for fun. No pressure for any specific outcomes.”

“Fair enough. But you will need a job at some point,” teased Adam.

“I will,” he nodded. “Maybe I’ll go and work for the competition, give you a run for your money,” he smiled at the faux shock on Adam’s face.

“You would never!” said Adam. “Although I imagine you’ll be getting a few phone calls from the big guns after your re-appearing act today.”

“We’ll see. I really don’t know what I want to do though. It’s a relief to have some time off; re-connect with the business without having anything planned.”

“You seem a lot happier than when I last saw you. How’s it been with your parents?”

“Good. Really good, actually,” said Jonathan. “It’s been great to have all this time with them, and to properly catch up on their lives. Normally it’s them coming to visit me while I’m working, so we don’t have the time for long conversations.”

“And you get to revert to being a kid again,” said Adam.

“In some ways, yeah. Although I feel like I’m getting to know them properly as adults too, which is nice. I suppose we got stuck in that adult-child dynamic because they came over here when I was still a teenager. But now with a divorce looming, they can’t continue to treat me as if I’m still a child.”

“And what of Polly?” Adam queried at the mention of her, just as their main courses arrived.

Jonathan took a sip of his wine while the waiter placed his salmon down in front of him, waiting until the table surrounds were clear before answering.

“She’s sent divorce papers. She’s back in London now that I’m not there. Seems she’s in a rush to move on and remove me from her life completely,” he said, with a bitterness evident in his voice as he spoke.

“And what do you make of that?”

Jonathan sighed. “It makes sense. I’m not in any rush to see her either, if I’m honest. I’ve realised how much I’d slotted into her life, rather than her into mine, so it’s been relatively easy to get back to being by myself again.”

“Still must be strange?” pushed Adam, trying to get more of an insight.

“Less than I anticipated. I suppose I miss the company, of having someone else there. But it’s been a relief getting away from all the arguments; getting a clear head again.” He looked up at Adam and said something he’d recently admitted to himself but hadn’t yet expressed out loud. “And it was never going to work out; it was over long before the actual split.”

“Why do you say that?”

Jonathan shrugged. “She wanted to mould me into somebody I wasn’t, and it seems there was only so far I was willing to be pushed.” He took another sip of wine and continued, “She could never understand that I like being on the outside looking in; that’s where I’m comfortable. That’s where I work best, literally and figuratively. She thought there was something wrong with that and that she needed to save me from myself” he said with an eye roll. “But the further away she tried to take me, the more uncomfortable I became, and the more we began to unconsciously battle against each other.”

“Well, that’s some damn good insight,” said Adam. “Makes perfect sense. Have you been seeing a therapist?”

“Just my Mum,” Jonathan smiled. “It’s all fairly obvious stuff, when you think about it.”

“Not really. Maybe I should make a psychology appointment with your mother,” said Adam, lightening the moment.

Jonathan let out a low laugh. “You’re not coming anywhere near her,” he joked. “And don’t think I’m letting you off the hook either,” he said pointedly.

“For what?” said a genuinely confused Adam.

“For reintroducing a certain someone back into my life.”

“Ah,” realisation dawned on Adam’s face. “Madeline’s been in touch?” he queried guiltily.

Jonathan nodded. “She wrote me a letter and we’ve emailed a few times. I’m going to meet up with her on Friday in Philadelphia.”

“Well,” said Adam, eyebrows raised. “That was quick”.

“Come off it, Adam. It’s been a lifetime.” Jonathan grimaced. He took a moment to gather his thoughts. “I’m still not sure it’s a good idea to see her, so I don’t know whether to thank you or hit you.”

“I was worried about you. I thought you could do with a friend, and I knew she was close by,” Adam countered.

“I know,” said Jonathan quietly. “I appreciate the sentiment. But I’ll withhold judgement for now.”

“Well, say a big hello from me,” said Adam. “And let me know how it goes.”

Neither of them knew quite how to continue that conversation so their chat drifted back to magic as they ended their meal with a bottle of Argentinian dessert wine.

True to his word, Jonathan began to fade around 9.30pm and made straight for the comfort of his duvet, his mind filled with the idea for a new disappearing trick as he succumbed to sleep.

His fellow diner conjured up some co-conspirators from the convention and headed out to explore the nightlife of Grand Rapids. Adam would not see his duvet for many hours yet.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER SEVEN

Jonathan and Maddy had arranged to meet outside the restaurant at 6pm. Her train was due to leave just after 9pm so it would give them a few solid hours for their catch up. Jonathan got there half an hour early and contemplated simply walking up and down the street to allay some of his nervous energy, but instead opted for a beer in a bar across the road, convinced that a drink would do a better job to quell his nerves than a walk. He tried to find a seat by the window so that he could watch for her arrival, but they were all full, so he stood at the bar instead and nursed his beer in contemplation of what was to come. 

He was excited to see her, he couldn’t deny that, but he was also apprehensive. Even only with emails, there was a spark back in his life that had been missing for a long time, and he didn’t know what to make of it. He was glad to be back in touch, but the realisations he’d recently uncovered about his past feelings for her had shaken him to the core. He’d known they ran deep, but he’d managed to convince himself over the years that it had been stupid lust or sexual tension, which was easier to accept. The firm footing he had found himself on without the emotional imbalance of having Maddy in his life had been some form of relief for him, despite his misgivings over the circumstances of the end of their friendship. Or could he call it a relationship? He wondered if they would discuss the past, and whether he wanted to. He felt sick at the thought of what he’d put her through and what revelations she might bring with her perspective on their shared history.

He realised with a start that he’d been brooding over his beer for half an hour already and suddenly he was late, filling him with further anxiety. He didn’t want her to think he wasn’t going to turn up. He grabbed his jacket from the stool beside him and took a moment for a deep breath before venturing outside.

As his eyes adjusted from the dark bar to the sunlight, he spotted Maddy across the street, leaning back against the wall next to the restaurant’s entrance door, looking around for him, her face breaking into a huge grin as she spotted him approaching.

Jonathan took her in; lighter brown hair with some golden highlights and a few more wrinkles but still unmistakeably the Maddy he knew and remembered. ‘And loved,’ a little voice in his head whispered to him, making him anxious again. She wore a black dress that stopped just past her knees, topped with a loose white linen shirt. A pair of low-heeled ankle boots and a cavernous tan shoulder bag completed the look. As he arrived in front of her in his black jeans and light blue shirt, he looked at her as her sharp eyes did the same in return, noting the grey hairs and lines around his eyes that signalled the years which had multiplied since they’d last been face to face.

A sense of comfort settled over him, which he hadn’t expected at all. It felt like very little time had passed since they’d seen each other - ‘like a comfy old sweatshirt’, his traitorous brain reminded him, and he felt his face redden slightly at the memory of how those words had stung her many years before.

“What?” she asked, a corner of her mouth raised in amusement.

He shook his head a little as if to clear his thoughts, “It’s strange, but not strange at all.”

“Like a comfy old sweatshirt?” she queried lightly, then smiled more widely as he opened his mouth to answer but couldn’t think of an appropriate response.

“Oh, come here,” she said, and stepped up to him, pulling him into a warm hug, which he returned, happy to realise it wasn’t as awkward as he’d envisaged.

They held each other for a long moment, savouring the feel of the other in their arms, and the familiarity which came with it.

“Well, you’re a little more solid than you used to be,” exclaimed Maddy as they parted.

“Are you calling me fat?” asked Jonathan, half incredulous and half amused.

“No! Not at all. You’re just…I don’t know…more grown into yourself. You look great.”

“So do you,” he offered in return, smiling softly as she looked completely taken aback at how genuinely he’d said it, before recovering her features quickly.

“Shall we go in?” she asked, inclining her head towards the entrance.

He let her go in first and followed behind, a faint memory of the first ever meal they’d had together in London swirling in his head.

The waitress found their booking and led them to a table by the far wall, placing two menus on the table and leaving them to settle in.

“How did you find this place?” she asked.

“My parents said it’s the best Italian in the city. They come here a lot.”

“Well, I’m starving so it’d better be good.”

Maddy started scanning the menu and missed the affectionate look on Jonathan’s face as he stopped himself from commenting that her love of food certainly hadn’t changed, in case it was taken the wrong way. Then he realised just how much things must have changed for him not to happily lob an insult into her court, and it made him nervous again.

“Thanks for meeting me,” he said.

“I couldn’t pass up the opportunity for a free meal, could I?” she joked. “Assuming you’re picking up the cheque…chivalry and all that?”

“That depends on how much you eat,” he retorted, happy to get a dig in about her eating habits now that she had made the first move.

She looked mock offended, a glint in her eye. “As much as I can if it’ll hit you in your dusty wallet.”

The waitress came back to take their drinks orders. Jonathan opted for another beer while Maddy ordered a glass of Chardonnay, also asking for a couple of starters to be brought to their table while they decided what else to eat.

He explained that he’d arrived early and had already had a beer across the street.

“I was nervous about seeing you” he admitted. “But you seem to be taking this all in your stride, like always.”

“Are you joking?” she looked at him with wide eyes. “Jonathan. I’m terrified.” She gave him a small smile before she continued, “I’m not looking forward to listening back to my interviews from today. It’s going to be a load of gibberish; I couldn’t concentrate at all.”

“I’m glad it’s not just me,” he replied.

Their drinks arrived and they both took a moment to take a sip, unsure where to start their conversation.

Maddy took charge as always. “So, how’s it been to spend all this time with your parents?”

“It’s been good,” he nodded. ”I haven’t spent this much time with them since I was a teenager, so it’s nice to get to know them as adults. Although my Mum still prefers to treat me like I’m five sometimes.”

“Yes, well, I’m sure you behave like it sometimes too.”

“Ten minutes back in your company and you’re already insulting me!”

“You wouldn’t have it any other way, would you?” she smiled at him as he gave her a faux glare across the table, followed by one of his disarming smiles. “Look,” she continued, “I don’t know how to do this any more than you do. Taking the time to think about what I wanted to write to you made it easier, didn’t it? It feels odd to sit here as if ten plus years hasn’t passed us by, but I suppose it’ll take us some time to get back into old rhythms.”

“Or a few drinks?” he countered, raising his glass.

“Indeed.” With that she also picked up her glass and took a huge gulp of wine.

The waitress arrived back by the side of their table to take their orders. Maddy went for a saltimbocca, and Jonathan decided on a butternut and sage risotto.

“Tell me about Sophie,” said Jonathan, opting for something he assumed would be an easy conversation starter for Maddy, and where he wouldn’t have to talk about his recent history.

Maddy’s face lit up. “She’s brilliant. She’s growing up into such a lovely person. She’s so smart and she does really well at school. And like I said she loves her sports. She’s a proper little all-rounder. That’s not to say she can’t be trying at times, to say the least. But mostly she’s kind and considerate and happy, which is all I can ask for. It helps when you can like your children as well as love them.”

“She sounds great,” said Jonathan with what Maddy read as a bit of a forlorn smile.

God, what do I sound like?” she said with a realisation that of course he didn’t have any of his own. “I hate those people that bang on about their kids as if nothing else matters. Like you don’t know what life is unless you have children. Which is absolute bollocks. If you ask me, those people didn’t have much of a life before kids if that’s their conclusion.”

Jonathan couldn’t deny that he sometimes felt a sinking sense of disappointment when someone talked about their children with such love, or he saw parents and kids having a happy time together, but he’d mostly reconciled it with himself in the years since meeting Polly and learning she didn’t want children. He smiled over at Maddy in reassurance, “I asked you about her. If you weren’t being a doting mum there would be something wrong. But it can’t be easy doing it by yourself?” He was angling to be told if there was another man in Maddy’s life but couldn’t bring himself to ask directly. Not that it should matter, but their old friend jealousy still wanted to rear its ugly head after all these years.

Maddy being Maddy decided to confront the obvious-to-her underlying question immediately, “There’s no-one else, if that’s what you want to know.” Following a weak protest from Jonathan, she continued on, “That’s the thing with being a single parent without any other family; there’s no time for much in my life outside of work and Sophie. Because I already have to be away occasionally with work, I don’t want to spend any more time trying to meet someone who’ll only likely disappoint me anyway.”

Jonathan didn’t quite know how to respond to that without being glib. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out with her Dad.”

“I’m not,” replied Maddy. “He wasn’t a good person, it turned out. We’re better off without him.”

“He’s just…gone?” Jonathan said in disbelief; something he couldn’t imagine doing himself. “Are you still in touch? Does he see her?”

Maddy sighed. “He’s made it very clear he’s not interested in being a father. He’s not around. He doesn’t pay any child support. But the door’s open. I don’t want to deprive Sophie of contact with him if that’s what she wants as she gets older. I hope she won’t because I don’t want her to be hurt, and I can’t trust him, but I have to give her the choice. It’s what I would have wanted when I was younger.”

“What would you have done?” asked Jonathan, thinking of Maddy’s difficult childhood with a mother on the edge and no knowledge of who her dad was. 

“I don’t know,” she shook her head, mulling over her answer. “It’s impossible to say. I was angry at my Mum for not knowing my Dad, for not giving me the choice. And I blamed her. When I was really little I had these fantasies that my Dad would come and take us away to his mansion and we’d be a happy family together. Obviously that’s completely ridiculous and as I got older I began to understand the reality of it. I think…no, I know that Sophie feels much more stable than I ever did, but I think it’s better for her to be able to learn the truth of who he is than to paint a picture that isn’t accurate, even if that might be painful.”

“I’m not sure I would be so forgiving.”

“Oh, I’m not forgiving. But I’m also not prepared to have her blame me for his failures. Not that I don’t blame myself for not seeing who he really was sooner, but without him I wouldn’t have her, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.”

She took a sip of wine and considered explaining more about her emotional state when she and Ben had met, but inevitably it all led back to London and the man sitting in front of her, and she wasn’t prepared to open that can of worms; not yet at least.

Jonathan felt hopelessly ill-equipped to carry on the conversation, feeling desperately sad for Maddy that she had to deal with the guilt of not providing for her daughter what she’d so dearly wanted for herself when she was a child. And once again, he felt that hot shame and guilt for having been the cause of her leaving in the first place.

“I wish I’d been there for you,” he said simply.

Maddy didn’t know where to begin to unravel that sentence and held it safely in her brain to examine later. She had to swallow a lump in her throat before she simply said, “Thank you.” 

She recognised that the conversation was at an impasse while they were both unwilling to open up further, so as their food arrived, she asked Jonathan to tell her about some of the mysteries he’d solved after she’d left; a relatively safe area for both of them.

Glad to avoid the emotional wrecking ball that had reared its head, Jonathan instead regaled her of stories about tailor’s dummies, disappearing bodies, gothic mansions, lottery numbers and porcelain monks and she was delighted to see him animated and passionate as he went through each case. He was somewhat put out to have Maddy figure out the solution on a couple of the puzzles before he had a chance to explain the big denouement, but he conceded internally that was his own fault for training her so well.

Almost subconsciously he avoided talking about Carla and Polly, although he realised as he spoke that he was barely mentioning their names, and he knew that Maddy would be noticing too. He made more mention of Joey, there having been nothing romantic between them, telling Maddy that she and the other younger woman would get on well if they were ever to meet.

After he’d finished his tale of the most recent mystery featuring a one-of-a-kind watch and the Tawny Owl pub, Maddy called over the waitress to order dessert, and their plates were cleared away.

She decided she’d had enough of him skirting around and asked him gently yet directly, “So what’s the state of play with you and Polly? Is it definitely over? Or do you think there’s a chance…?”

Jonathan sighed, visibly deflating.

“Sorry. If you don’t want to…” she responded to his demeanour.

“No. It’s fine. I…It’s definitely over.” He took a moment to compose his thoughts. “It’s been over for a long time, I just couldn’t see it while I was in it. I’ve been starting to realise how much I got swept along by her and sort of lost myself along the way. It was only a matter of time really.”

Maddy’s heart ached to see Jonathan so dejected, even as a little years-old piece of her was rejoicing with a victory dance, which she viciously squashed down as she reached for his hand across the table. “I’m so sorry you’ve been so hurt.”

The concern he saw in her eyes almost broke him, but he gave her a small smile and replied, “I’m sorry you have too.”

They shared a long look filled with unspoken history, until Maddy gave his hand a squeeze then pulled back to take a sip of wine and continued, “How do you feel now? In yourself, I mean.”

“I know it’s the right thing to do. I’m happier in myself already. It’s a relief to be back at the mill and not to have to be in the City every day. But I don’t know what to think about the future.” Then trying to lighten the mood, “Back to being a recluse again, I suppose.”

“Living alone concentrates the mind, right?” she laughed, echoing something he’d said to her back when they’d first met, and making his cheeks redden at the memory of his false assumption.

“And what about work?” Maddy continued.

“Adam’s already made the offer, as you’d expect,” he said as the ever-suffering ex-employee. “That would be the easiest thing for me to do, but I don’t think going backwards to go forwards is sensible.”

“Not sure what you’re doing here with me then,” Maddy said lightly, but with a hint of hurt in her voice.

“I didn’t mean…” Jonathan stopped, remembering multiple occasions where she had taken things the wrong way or escalated conversations unnecessarily, and tried to figure out what to say without giving further offence.

She took a breath on seeing his bewildered face, memories making her own face redden with regret, then replied quietly, “I know. Sorry.”

She couldn’t help herself though, as his comment had raised a question that she wanted an answer to but couldn’t find by herself. “Why are you here?” 

He looked at her across the table, her face questioning yet vulnerable, and he could see in her eyes that she needed a proper answer. He mulled over what to say and how much to give. It was too soon to go into the whys and hows of what had happened all those years ago, and yet he wanted to be honest with her and let her know how much she meant to him.

“Because I missed you,” he finally said.

As one corner of his mouth hitched into a smile and he held her gaze, she knew as much from his demeanour as his words that he was being completely sincere.

Maddy’s heart skipped a beat as she contemplated how best to respond, but no words were forthcoming from her usually overworked motormouth, and a tear began to make its escape down her left cheek.

“Now look what you’ve done,” she said accusingly with a sniff, bringing her napkin up to her eyes to stem the flow.

“You did ask,” he retorted with an eye roll, maintaining his smile to retain the depth of what he’d said, but bringing them both back to more of an even keel. He decided to carry on the conversation in a similar but lighter vein, not allowing space for her to feel like she had to respond to what he’d said.

“Do you miss London?”

She looked a bit perplexed at the non-sequitur but was equally grateful for it. “Course I do. It’s my home” she smiled. “There are some things about America that suit me really well though. Nobody here thinks I’m too loud. Or too much. And they are generally much more optimistic than us Brits.” She took a moment to think some more. “But God, I miss proper crisps. And pubs. And the BBC. And sarcasm.”

“And wind and rain and grey skies?” he added.

“Exactly,” she said as she smiled up at the waitress who set her tiramisu in front of her and delivered Jonathan a black coffee.

“Have you been back?”

“A few times,” she admitted, noticing the flicker of hurt that passed over his face knowing she’d been close enough to visit but never had. “I didn’t know if I’d be welcome,” she said with embarrassment and a nervous shrug, responding to his unspoken pain while looking down at her plate. “Or maybe I was just being a coward. It seemed…impossible.”

She looked up to find he was staring at her, wondering whether to challenge her on what she’d said. If only she’d come back to visit him, talked to him, maybe they could have actually sorted things out and figured out where they stood with each other before it was too late. But he knew there was no point in trying to have that hypothetical discussion because there was no correct answer or solution, and it would just embroil them in more discussion about their past. He also had to remind himself that she thought he’d betrayed her with Carla and probably thought they’d been in a long relationship together, so her apprehension was completely valid. He was more than aware that they were currently balancing on a very fine tightrope and if either of them pushed too far, they wouldn’t be able to move another step forwards. In the end he decided to aim for a truce and let it go for now. “You’re probably right.”

She tried to communicate her gratitude with her eyes, so thankful that he still wouldn’t rise to anger as easily as she would.

“I miss the windmill,” she said softly. “It’s funny…” she continued at his querying expression, “…when I think about home one of the things I remember is the comfort and the peacefulness there.” She gave him a small smile then continued. “And yes, I know, before you say it, whenever I was there I removed any peace and quiet that you had. And took away your comfort by stealing your bed.”

He laughed. “I wasn’t going to say that.”

“But you were thinking it.”

He conceded with a smirk and a tilt of his head and they shared a smile.

Jonathan’s mind hadn’t, in fact, gone for the easy punchline of her destroying his peace and quiet. Instead, he’d remembered those moments of cosy domesticity that had become so commonplace in their undefined relationship. While it was often true that Maddy blathered away without thinking about what she was saying, seemingly wanting to fill up any silence with some sort of noise, she was also a voracious reader, as evidenced by the hundreds of dog-eared books she had piled around her place and the fact that, along with a trusty chocolate bar, she always had a novel close to hand both in her bag and even in the car’s glove compartment. They’d spent many evenings and also a fair few hungover mornings curled up at either end of his sofa, cups of tea balanced nearby, Maddy with her head in a book and a blanket on her lap, and Jonathan researching something for a new illusion. Occasionally one of them would comment on something they were reading but in the main they sat in companionable silence, happy and content in each other’s orbit. Despite having mostly successfully managed to shift thoughts of Maddy into a locked room in his brain whilst he was with Polly, moving back to the windmill had nudged that door and its rusty hinges open again, and he’d remembered those moments as some of his happiest times there. While he wasn’t remotely able to entertain telling her that right now, he was glad that she thought of them as fondly as he did.

The remainder of the meal passed easily with reminisces about some of their mysteries and catching up on old friends and acquaintances, and they left the restaurant – Jonathan having picked up the bill – to find a taxi to take Maddy to the train station.

As the driver pulled up alongside them, she turned to him. “Thank you,” she said with sincerity. “My treat next time.” She took a long look at him and lifted her hand to give his arm a squeeze. “Bye then.”

“Bye,” was all he could say, emotions overwhelming him as he felt the fear of her leaving him once more, not sure when or if he’d see her again. He gained enough sense to lean across and give her a kiss on the cheek before she reached for the taxi door.

Then his brain caught up with her words. “Next time?” he echoed as she closed the door, feeling a massive urge to run after the taxi as it drove off down the street.

He saw the car window roll down and Maddy’s head popped out to look back at him, “I’ll email you,” she yelled. “See you soon.” He didn’t see her lean back in and fall against the seat, raise her hand up to her cheek and softly say to herself, “Oh. Shit.”

Chapter Text

CHAPTER EIGHT

Sally had been waiting at the kitchen table for at least a quarter of an hour, listening out for the creak of the noisy stairs to indicate that Jonathan was on his way down for their 4pm coffee ritual. That morning she’d tried to elicit some details of how the previous evening had gone, but Jonathan had been less than forthcoming and had avoided her questions by telling her he was busy with an illusion concept. He’d then holed himself away in his room for most of the day, sneaking down for some lunch when she was out seeing a friend.

She thought back to when Jonathan had started making occasional mention of this woman who was leading him into all sorts of dangerous situations to solve crimes and mysteries, and she hadn’t quite known what to make of it; whether she should be happy he wasn’t so cloistered in his little life between the windmill and the theatre, or whether she should be worried for him. Then the pair of them had helped to solve Elliot Strange’s bizarre death, and through her grief Ingrid had told Sally just how good Maddy was for her son - bringing him out of his shell, challenging him, making him laugh, making him a part of something instead of being an ‘other’ like he’d so often been throughout his life.

Jonathan had, however, never been forthcoming about the details of his relationship with Maddy, which made Sally suspect his feelings were strong but either unconsummated or unreturned – normally she’d manage to get him to open up and let her in at least a little, but not with this particular woman. And on the couple of occasions Sally and David had been back to visit him in that time, he hadn’t introduced them. She could tell from the way he spoke about Maddy that he cared deeply about her, but she was cautious of projecting anything of what Ingrid had told her on to the pair. As much as Ingrid was a sensible woman, Sally also knew that she too wanted to see Jonathan happy after the difficulties she’d seen him grow up with, so she couldn’t discount the possibility that Ingrid had extrapolated a little too far.

Time had passed, more mysteries had been solved, Maddy’s books had been released – which Sally had of course devoured for relationship clues as soon as she could get her hands on them, with no results – and then all of a sudden Maddy had moved to the States and didn’t seem to figure in Jonathan’s life any more. Then after a few years, along came Polly. In truth, Sally had hated seeing Jonathan put his own passions aside to ‘fit in’ with Polly’s life. One of the things she had so admired about her son growing up was his determination to follow his heart and his dreams in spite of what anyone else thought, and with Polly that light seemed to have been extinguished. She was enjoying having a ringside seat while it slowly smouldered back into being.

Finally at five past four, she heard the telltale floorboard squeak and tried her best to look nonchalant as he came into the kitchen, wandered over to the kettle and started preparing their coffee.

Despite being desperate for information, she decided to start with an easy question, “How’s the trick coming along?”

Jonathan grimaced. “Bit stuck today. The actual mechanics of it seem to make sense, but it’s difficult to give it any flair if I don’t know who I’m designing it for.”

“I thought it was just for fun?”

“Well yes, but even so…”

“Then design it for Adam. That would be the easiest, wouldn’t it?”

He nodded, placing a steaming mug in front of her and sitting down opposite her. “It would, but then I’d be tempted to give it to him – if I can make it work, that is – and I don’t know if I want to get sucked into that vortex again.”

“Would that be so bad?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “I’m not sure if it would feel like too much of a step backwards.”  He took a sip of coffee and looked off into the distance before talking again. “Speaking of which, I suppose I can’t get out of telling you about last night before I head back upstairs?” he queried as he nursed his drink, both hands wrapped around the cup.

“No, you absolutely cannot!” said Sally, relieved she hadn’t had to bring it up herself. She knew that Jonathan must want some advice or feedback if he was opening up the conversation himself, which made her feel slightly better because she could relabel her nosiness as concern.  

“So…?” she continued.

“It was great to see her. It was…comfortable,” he smiled to himself as he recalled his and Maddy’s opening conversation.

“But?” responded Sally, sensing a hesitation.

“It was difficult too. Heavy.” She stayed silent, watching him, waiting for him to say more. “There’s a lot of history.”

If Maddy had been as important to Jonathan as Sally had come to imagine, yet they hadn’t actually been in a relationship, she couldn’t fathom what had happened to make them lose contact with each other. 

She wondered if Maddy following in her and David’s footsteps of moving halfway across the world – to live not much further than a hundred miles apart, as it happened – had been a double blow to Jonathan and she asked herself for the umpteenth time in her life whether leaving him to fend for himself in England had been detrimental to him. He may have been an adult by the time they’d gone, but he’d still had a lot of growing up to do. 

Sally bit the bullet and decided to ask the question she really wanted the answer to. “How close were you back then?”

“I was on my own and so was she.” Jonathan didn’t want to betray Maddy’s trust by telling her family secrets, even after all this time, so he avoided the specifics. “She was brought up by a single mum who died when she was seventeen…” He saw his mum’s surprised, sad face but didn’t allow her the space to interject, knowing how much more distressed she’d be if she knew the full details “…and she didn’t have brothers or sisters, so she was by herself. And with you and Dad over here, so was I. We became each other’s family, I suppose.” He trailed off as he realised the implications of what he’d said, insinuating they were a couple, and tried to backtrack. “Constant arguments and complaining and always ribbing each other,” he said with an eye roll.

“Ingrid told me Maddy challenged you,” Sally said lightly and received one of Jonathan’s patented sharp eyebrow raises in return, “She meant it in a good way, of course. You’d be bored in five minutes with someone who didn’t.”

Jonathan had to concede on that point. 

Sally decided to push her luck while he was being vaguely open with her. “But you weren’t ever…?”

He sighed and thought he might as well come clean, in as abstract a way as he could get away with. “It wasn’t that black and white. But were we ever actually in a relationship? Not quite.”

“Well, that sounds…difficult.” She prodded further. “So, what happened?” 

Jonathan didn’t have the guts to explain to his own mother how much of a horrible excuse for a human being he’d been and how he’d essentially driven Maddy away, so he peddled out the same line he’d given to many people when they’d asked him, not even bothering to mask his obvious fabrication. “She came over here for her book tour, loved it and decided to move. And then we grew apart.” 

Sally didn’t buy it for a second, but she recognised that was as much as she was going to get, and didn’t challenge him on it. She changed tack. “It must have been strange to see her again after all this time?”

He shook his head. “It was strangely normal actually. In some ways like no time had passed at all.”

“She must have been a good friend.”

“She was,” he agreed, then realised, “She is.”

Sally tried her best to gain some understanding of Jonathan’s thoughts, but his face was inscrutable. “So you’re going to see her again?”

“Mmmm. She emailed me this morning. She’s got to go to some journalism awards thing in New York next week and she’s got a plus one, so she wants to know if I’ll go with her. Another opportunity to catch up before I go back home.”

‘Aha’ thought Sally, realising this must be what he wanted to talk about. “Will you go?”

He huffed out a breath. “I don’t know. It’s one thing having dinner together, but it’s another to go on a minibreak to New York City. For all I know there’s a grisly impossible crime waiting to be solved in Brooklyn and she’s asking me to go up there on false pretences.”

Sally laughed. “I doubt that, Jonathan.”

“You’ve obviously never met her,” he retorted.

He looked squarely into his coffee mug before he spoke again. “But I did mean to take a trip up there while I was here, tour round the museums, that sort of thing. So this could be a chance for that. Tie it together?” He phrased it as a question, almost asking permission of his mother or, more likely, wanting her to make a decision for him.

Sally knew she couldn’t tell him he must go, despite finding herself desperate for him to agree to Maddy’s invitation. Instead, she decided to give him some threads to follow. “It would be a shame not to see The Met. And MOMA. And The Guggenheim. Not to mention…”

He ended the sentence for her with a half-smile, half-grimace, “…the Houdini museum.”

“Exactly.”

It would be good to get to Tannen’s,” he mused, referring to New York’s oldest magic store.

It was clear then to Sally that he’d already made up his mind, he was simply anxious of appearing too eager, and likely a little scared. Just as she was about to urge him to go and let Maddy know he would join her, they both jumped as his mobile started ringing. Jonathan looked at it strangely, having rarely heard it ring for the past few weeks, and saw a name he didn’t expect appear on the screen.

He gave his mum an apologetic look as he walked back up the stairs with his coffee. “Charlie?”

“JC? Oh, thank Christ. I wasn’t sure you’d still be on this number over there in America.” 

He smiled as he adjusted his ear to the broad Glaswegian brogue of Adam’s magical consultant. He’d often wondered how hard it was for Adam to maintain his American drawl whilst Charlie was around speaking the language of his childhood.

“Is everything ok?” he queried.

“Och, you know, the usual with Adam,” she said with some frustration. “Anyway, before I get into that, how are you? How’s life? It’s been an age since I saw you.”

“It has. There’s been a lot going on, I’m sure you’ve heard. But I’m well, all things considered.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” she said. “I’m happy to hear it.”

“Thank you,” he said sincerely. “What about you?”

“Mostly good, but work’s a trial right now, I can’t tell you.”

“I think I have a fair idea,” smiled Jonathan. “What’s he done this time?”

He could hear her frustration on the other end of the line. “He’s such a chancer. I don’t know how you put up with him for so long. Honestly.”

“For all the fame and fortune?” Jonathan replied sarcastically.

“Aye, right,” she laughed, then got more serious. “So you know we’re going to Vegas? Turns out Adam’s told the owners at the Encore that he’s got some massive stunt up his sleeve to help promote the show. Like a promotional thing to help sell tickets. And you know him,” she put on an American drawl, “‘It’s going to be like nothing you’ve ever seen before. It's going to get headlines around the world,’” she imitated with frustration.

“And I’m assuming there’s no stunt?”

“Course there isn’t. And I’ve told him no danger; there’s precisely zero chance of me coming up with something new. I’m already up to my eyeballs with the rest of the show and now he wants me to make the Kardashians disappear in the middle of Rodeo Drive or something.”

“We’d all like to see that happen,” said Jonathan drily.   

“True. Fair do’s. I’ll work on it,” she replied, making him laugh.

He then made the connection and asked straight up, “So Adam told you to call me for help?”

“Actually, no. He might be a numpty but even he knows that’d be crossing the line. But he told me you’d gone up to meet him at the IBM Convention and you were working on some new ideas. So I thought I’d call, just in case…?”

Jonathan immediately started to think about the machinations of setting his new idea in Las Vegas, and all the possibilities that could offer. It was true that giving the illusion a grounding in a specific space and with a specific conjurer made it much easier to picture.

“There is something I’ve been working on which might fit the bill,” he admitted. “But I can’t promise anything. Give me a day or two to see if I can solidify it.”

“Really? Oh man, you’d be such a lifesaver.”

“Like I said, no promises. You should still see if anyone else has anything. But I’ll be in touch soon.”

“Got it. No pressure. I’ll make some other calls in the meantime. Thank you, JC,” she said with sincerity.

As they said their goodbyes, Jonathan’s brain was already in overdrive, looking at his concept with the new angle of a Las Vegas setting. It could just be perfect. He got straight to work.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER NINE

Jonathan arrived at the hotel half an hour after Maddy and wasted no time checking in and dropping his bag before they set out on foot for MOMA, stopping to grab a takeaway coffee on the way.

They had about five hours to fit in as much as they could and Jonathan was intent on trying to get around three museums in that time. Having visited more recently, Maddy knew that even for an illusionist, that was going to be one impossible trick to pull off, but she went along for the ride, waiting for Jonathan to run out of steam and enthusiasm at some point along the way. Personally, she’d rather have taken in a show, one of the many matinees on and off Broadway that day but, given that she was here a lot more regularly than he was, she let him take the lead. Besides, they wouldn’t have been able to chat at the theatre, but this way they could continue to catch up on each other’s lives while they wandered through the exhibits.

Plus she could tell him off for his decidedly terrible taste in art.

“What are you talking about?” she baited him, “This is the best thing in the whole museum. It’s like a giant red shiny Bourbon. Who wouldn’t be happy seeing that every day?

“Me!” he said, affronted. “It’s awful. What’s the point in it? Where’s the skill?”

“Why in God’s name did you want to come to the Museum of Modern Art if you don’t even like modern art?” she asked pointedly and with a fair amount of frustration.

“I do like modern art. Just not that monstrosity,” he gestured towards the huge red biscuit-like sculpture.

“It’s supposed to be thought-provoking. But I imagine your brain can’t cope with anything that can’t be explained within five seconds, can it?”

He threw her a withering glare and carried on to the next room to be faced with thousands of Kusama polka dots. Maddy grinned in anticipation.

As she’d expected, after traipsing through both MOMA and The Guggenheim, neither of them could face yet another expansive, white-walled room filled with art, and instead of tackling The Met they chose to take a walk through Central Park. They made their way across to the western side of the park and grabbed a seat in the outdoor area of Tavern on the Green. Maddy opted for a gin while Jonathan ordered a local tap beer.

“I’m exhausted already,” said Maddy, “I hope I find a second wind later.”

“Me too,” he agreed. “It’s a sit-down affair, is it?”

She nodded. “Apparently they serve dinner while the awards are going on, so it’s all over and done with quite quickly. Then a big party afterwards with a band and a free bar.”

“Can’t say no to that,” he smiled. “And who have you passed me off as this time? Gynaecologist? Rabbi? Accountant?”

Maddy grinned. “Don’t worry. I haven’t said a word. You can tell them yourself.”

“That’s even worse,” he groaned.

“Mmmm,” she murmured sympathetically. “Hope you’ve got a few tricks ready to go to calm the masses once they find out what you do.”

Jonathan brightened at that. “What, advertising?” he said with glee, realising he wouldn’t have to mention magic once.

Maddy made a mental note to ensure she brought up his previous job with as many people as she could. Not only would she be able to watch him squirm as he faced the annoying questions it would elicit, but she also enjoyed seeing him in his element when he was able to amaze people. Much as he’d always grouched about it, she knew he secretly loved it.

“So come on, tell me about this advertising malarkey,” she continued, still disbelieving that he’d moved into a different industry. “What did you do?”

“I was a creative director – coming up with ideas and concepts to get a brand message or promotion across. Or working with our creative teams to make sure they came up with the best ideas.”

“Did you like it?”

He shrugged. “Some of it. There are much worse jobs. I still got to engage my brain. But I had to deal with some real arseholes. You know, having to re-record whole ads because a pause lasted half a second too long.”

“Yes, I can’t quite imagine you fully on side with your capitalist makers.”

He smiled ruefully. “I think I managed to convince them most of the time.”

He spent the rest of their sit-down telling her about some of the ads he’d created, and as they wandered back towards the hotel she explained some of her recent journalism work. She was gratified to realise just how much Jonathan had kept up with what she’d written, having obviously read what articles he could find with care and attention.

Once they’d made it back, they realised their rooms were on the same floor of the hotel, so they agreed that Jonathan would come past and pick her up an hour later, once they’d got their gladrags on.

***************

Maddy opened the door wide to allow Jonathan to come in while she did a last minute hair and make-up check. She was wearing a floor-length, black velvet dress with long sleeves which had a V-shaped neckline, plunging down to accentuate her figure. Her chin-length hair was styled simply, teased into soft waves which framed her face, completed with a dash of striking red lipstick. The effect was stunning. 

“Wow. You look lovely,” he said, causing her to freeze in the mirror at such an unexpected compliment.

She looked at him in the reflection and gave him a small, unsure smile which only added to the impact and caused his cheeks to start to redden. “Hurry up then,” he blustered, trying to escape from the corner he’d managed to fold himself into, “we don’t want to be late. God knows how long a taxi will take in this traffic.”

 “Alright, keep your curly mop on,” she said, glad for the distraction, equally as taken with the sight of him in a tux. “I just need to get the tickets,” she added as she rummaged through her huge handbag, finding them and popping them into her much smaller evening bag. She took one last look around the room to see if she’d forgotten anything before saying, “Right. Ready. Lead the way.”

The taxi dropped them at the Manhattan Center just on time and they gladly accepted a glass of champagne and made their way into the ballroom to find their seats. Maddy was a freelancer, working for multiple different publications, but she did the majority of her longform work for The Washington Post, so they were seated at a table of twelve with employees, most of whom Maddy knew fairly well.

They were last to arrive and Maddy went round the table, made all the introductions between them and her ‘old friend’ Jonathan. He was perplexed to hear the others at the table congratulating her and asked her as soon as they sat down, “What are all the congratulations for?”

“Oh,” she said, embarrassed, an emotion he’d rarely seen from her. “I, um…I’m nominated for an award.”

“What?” he exclaimed. “What award?”

“It’s for the best longform political article of the year. For my piece on the Republican campaign funds. It’s not a big deal. And I’m certainly not going to win.”

She’s being far too modest,” chimed the man sitting to Maddy’s left, whose name Jonathan had already forgotten and who’d overheard their exchange. “It’s hugely competitive. Even to be nominated is a big honour. And she could definitely win.”

Maddy gave him an appreciative smile. “Thanks Akshay, but we both know they’ll never give it to a colonialist.”

He laughed and Jonathan took the moment to pick up their champagne glasses, handing Maddy’s to her as she turned back to him. He had wondered why she had a plus one but the others didn’t seem to; now it made sense that she must have got an extra ticket because of her nomination. “Cheers. And congratulations,” he said sincerely, then clinked his glass against hers. As they both took a sip, he tried his best to ignore the frisson which had pulsed through his body as he’d looked into her eyes.   

It was easy and absorbing chat at the table as the meal was served, and Jonathan marvelled at how much he’d missed conversation with people who cared about so much more than office rumours and local gossip. He found himself involved in fascinating debates about British politics, climate change and indigenous rights and was able to hold his own with most of the discussions.

Maddy excused herself to call home and say goodnight to Sophie, and was accosted by her friend and sometimes-colleague Rina on her way back inside. “Where have you been hiding him?” she asked. “He’s amazing.”

Maddy smiled with more than a little sadness. “Let’s just say that boat sailed a long time ago.”

“So you’re not…?” asked Rina, looking surprised. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…” she continued, not wanting to cause offence if they weren’t a couple like she’d assumed. “The way you look at each other. It doesn’t seem like just friends.”

“Oh God,” groaned Maddy. “I was trying not to be that obvious.”

“If it’s any consolation,” said Rina with conviction, “it’s definitely not just you.”

Unsure how to reply to that or what to think about it, she looped her arm through Rina’s and steered them back towards their table. “I need another drink.”

As it turned out, Maddy didn’t win the award, which she was quite relieved about, preferring it to go to a ‘local’ journalist, although she couldn’t deny a pang of disappointment not to hear her name after the amount of work she’d put into it. With the anticipation of the announcement over and done with, she settled into enjoying the evening and at Akshay’s request she and Jonathan regaled the rest of the table with stories of their mystery-solving exploits. She’d forgotten he could spin a story just as well as she could, and their table companions were rapt at all the incredible and sometimes scary situations they’d found themselves in.

Jonathan only had to do three magic tricks after dinner to assuage the requests that came his way, and after that was over with he and Maddy sat together with topped up glasses, commenting on the various media folks around the room; he hadn’t expected it to be such a grand affair with so many recognisable American and international broadcasting faces in attendance.

“Right, come on, enough chat. You have to give me at least one dance,” she pleaded, standing up and reaching her hand out to pull him up from his chair. Coupled with the fact that he knew he wouldn’t be able to withstand her cajoling for long, the alcohol had also helped to loosen him up so he got up without too much grumbling and led her on to the dance floor to the sounds of the band playing ‘Part-Time Lover’. They shared a chuckle remembering Adam’s sister Kitty attacking ‘Blind’ Hewie Harper on live television and laughingly pondered whether Stevie Wonder was fooling the world and had also managed to have some eye surgery somewhere along the way.

The band then struck up an orchestral song which was nonetheless fast-paced, for which Maddy gave a grateful internal thanks. Having been a pop afficionado in her youth, she immediately recognised it as ‘Love’s Theme’ by the Love Unlimited Orchestra – it had just made the UK top ten in 1974 if she wasn’t mistaken - and tried unsuccessfully to stop a wry grin escaping.

To her surprise, Jonathan took her right hand in his left, and drew her in towards him with his other arm around her waist. “I was forced to learn to dance for my wedding,” he admitted with a grimace. “Might as well make use of it.” The thought of that made Maddy feel slightly queasy – another reminder that a lot of history had taken place in their intervening years – so she made a joke instead of thinking about it too much. “At least one of us knows what they’re doing then.”

The thoughts went quickly to the back of her mind as he told her to follow his lead, which was easier than expected with his arms holding her tightly to him. Moving in sync across the dance floor, she gave Rina a faux glare when she saw the other woman raising her eyebrows suggestively as she spun past her.  

They danced some more, talked some more, drank some more, and laughed some more, and as the event came to a close, neither of them wanted the evening to end just yet. They agreed to search out a bar for more drinks, and headed out into the night to find somewhere in the vicinity. They wandered around for a while and just as Maddy began to complain about her feet hurting, they heard music emanating from an underground spot and decided to head down the stairs to take a look.

They were surprised to find a large bar filled with cosy seating, small tables and warm, subtle lighting. It was only after they’d sat down and ordered a drink that they realised they’d stumbled into a very upmarket karaoke bar. In spite of Jonathan grousing about how much he hated amateurs singing, they enjoyed the first couple of singers, then Maddy headed off to find the loo.

“What was that?” he asked suspiciously as she reappeared, having seen her talking to the guy who was manning the karaoke machine.  

“I signed us up to do Islands In The Stream. Thought you’d be up for it.”

‘You what?” he spluttered.

“You can be Dolly and I’ll be Kenny,” she said with a straight-face, then cracked up seeing his appalled reaction. “Don’t worry,” she placated him. “Just wait and see.”

He didn’t have to wait too long before Maddy was called up to the mic – alone, thank goodness - and he saw the opening lyrics for the Carly Simon song ‘Nobody Does It Better’ come up on the screen.

He couldn’t deny that she looked the part, dressed up to the nines, but he had no idea what was going to come out of her mouth. He was subsequently completely astonished when she began to sing and brought the room to a standstill with the beauty and power of her voice, entrancing everyone for the song’s duration.

There was a sense of longing to her singing and Jonathan couldn’t help but relate the lyrics to his own rekindling feelings about her. He knew he was being sentimental but, in that moment, he really didn’t care, and he allowed himself to be transported to a world where they had managed to make it through life’s challenges together. Polly didn’t cross his mind once.

After she’d crushed the final notes, Maddy handed the microphone back nonchalantly and stepped off the stage with a small smile as people clapped and whooped at her performance. She peered into the darkness and found her way back to their table, finally able to see Jonathan’s face again outside of the glare of the stage lights.

“Fancy a go?” she enquired with a grin, faced by complete silence from Jonathan who seemed to have forgotten how to speak. “Well, if I’d know how easy it was to shut you up, I’d have taken it upon myself to sing a lot more often,” she quipped.

“How have I never seen you sing before?” replied a shell-shocked Jonathan. 

“Haven’t you?” she shrugged.

“No! How…? I knew you could hold a tune but…that was incredible!” he said, still in disbelief.

She allowed him a small glimpse of the pride that surfaced with his comment, then shrugged again, “That song was my party trick in my twenties. Always managed to silence a room. I haven’t done that in years.”

“But you could be professional. That was…” he came to a stop, realising he was making her a little uncomfortable, but he continued staring at her like she’d recently arrived from another planet.

“No need to go over the top,” she chided him warmly. “I love singing but it was never what I wanted to do with my life. If I can still turn a few heads when I pick up a microphone, that’s lovely.”

Jonathan shook his head and got that faraway look in his eye that only surfaced when he was trying to solve an extremely difficult puzzle; in this case, how he had never been aware of this huge talent she had.

Maddy looked at him affectionately. “Now there’s a look I haven’t seen for a long time,” she said, bringing him out of his daydream.

“I thought you were just doing it for a laugh. I didn’t think you’d sound like that!”

“Give me some credit, Jonathan,” she smiled. “I think I embarrassed myself enough in front of you over the years to know not to willingly give you something else to tease me about.”

“What other talents have you got hidden away that I don’t know about?” he queried lightly.

Wouldn’t you like to know?” she replied with a smirk and a raise of her eyebrow.

Realising immediately how inappropriate that sounded, Maddy gave herself a swift internal kick and bit her lip as she watched to see his response. Jonathan couldn’t help but feel his heart skip a beat at her unintentional flirting, and a cascade of memories resurfaced which he tried unsuccessfully to tamper back down with a gulp of his drink.

A man walking back from the bar to his table behind them chose that moment to congratulate Maddy on her singing, bringing a warm smile back to her face. The passer-by didn’t help, however, when he then quipped “And you’re a lucky man,” to Jonathan, who smiled weakly and wished for the floor to swallow him up.

The pair were gratefully interrupted by a new singer who didn’t quite have the same handle on tone and melody that Maddy had, and they grimaced at each other as the first notes of Christina Aguilera’s ‘Beautiful’ reached their ears.

“Drink?” they both asked at the same time.

After another couple of drinks and a final ‘one for the road’, they made their way slowly back to the hotel, opting to walk instead of taking a cab. Maddy decided that the alcohol had helped numb her feet enough that she’d be able to make it in her heels, and she looped her arm through Jonathan’s as they ambled through the city streets engaged in easy conversation.   

Finally back at the hotel, they took the lift together up to the 14^th floor and walked to Maddy’s door, both hesitating as they arrived before giving each other an unsure smile. They agreed to meet in the lobby the next morning – or, later that same morning, to be accurate – at 9.30 for breakfast, then Jonathan thanked her for inviting him, she thanked him for coming, and he turned to walk down the hall.   

She said “good night” to his back and slid her keycard into the door, in internal turmoil about whether she wanted him to turn around or not. She didn’t dare tell him that it was the best night she’d had in years. 

He called “good night” over his shoulder and continued down the corridor towards his room, arguing with himself whether he should be as brave as he wanted to be. He didn’t dare tell her that it was the best night he’d had in years. 

By the time he finally turned around, she’d already disappeared.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER TEN

The phone close to Maddy’s head was ringing incessantly and it was a massive effort to reach out for it and bring it to her ear.

“’Ello?” she said groggily. She listened to the voice of the receptionist on the other end of the line then sat up quickly to look at the clock, which read 9:47. “Oh, bollocks. Can you tell him I’m running a little late? Actually, just tell him to come up.”

She leapt out of bed to turn the shower on, threw off her pyjamas and grabbed her toothbrush all within about three seconds, and was miraculously well put together when Jonathan knocked on the door five minutes later.

She opened the door with a guilty expression. “I know. I know. I’m sorry. I promise I’m not actually late all the time these days.”

“Sure you’re not,” he smiled. “But seeing as it’s partly my fault for keeping you out so late, I’ll forgive you.”

“Thanks,” she said with some relief, and opened the door more widely. “Come in. I just need to put my face on and get packed up then we can head out. How’s your head?” she continued as he walked past her and took one of the seats by the window. “Do you want to make us some coffee?”

“Not as bad as I was expecting, but it does feel a little like that Cadbury gorilla’s been let loose,” he said as he headed over to the coffee machine and figured out how to make it function.

“Sorry?” Maddy popped her head round the bathroom door looking confused.

“Oh, it must have been on since you left. It’s this ad where a gorilla’s playing the drums to that Phil Collins song ‘In The Air Tonight’,” he answered, then continued slightly embarrassed at her bemused expression, “Suppose you have to see it.”

“Not one of yours then?”

“Bit too surreal of a concept for me,” he admitted. “Brilliant though.”

Maddy smiled then busied herself getting ready, chatting as she went. Jonathan made their coffees then sat back down, his exhausted body glad for the support. He had barely slept after they’d got back last night. It had been made clear to him over the course of the day and night that his feelings for Maddy – some of them at least – were still very much alive and he’d realised he’d finally have to explain what had happened with Carla if they were to have any chance of continuing on with a clean slate. He’d been debating with himself whether to bring it up and risk ruining the rest of their time together, but he knew this could be his only chance, so he swallowed his nerves and began to speak.

“Can you sit down for a minute?”

She looked at him curiously and perched on the edge of the bed opposite his chair.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Ooh. This sounds juicy,” she laughed. 

He looked down at his hands and she realised this wasn’t a moment for levity. “It’s about back then…when you left.” 

Maddy suddenly realised where this was going and felt an icy hand clench around her heart. She tried to stop him, shaking her head. “Jonathan…don’t…”

He looked up into her clear blue eyes. “I have to.” He closed his own eyes at the sight of her frightened gaze, trying to quell the panic that was roiling in his stomach, willing himself to speak before his entire body stopped functioning properly. “I know you saw me kissing Carla in the pub that day.”

Maddy’s gaze hardened, jumping to her own conclusions about what he was going to say. “If you’re going to tell me how awful I was, then I don’t want to hear -”.

He cut her off. “Stop it. Stop it. Stop it,” he repeated forcefully. “Please, I have to tell you.” 

She couldn’t remember ever having seen Jonathan in such a state. That alone stunned her into silence. 

“I saw you come into the pub. I kissed her on purpose so that you’d see, so that you’d be jealous. It didn’t mean anything.” Maddy looked at him, mouth agape, the meaning of what he was saying beginning to sink in. He carried on, over the precipice now, “It drove you away. I was such a bloody coward that I couldn’t tell you.” 

Maddy felt like she’d been thrown into slow-motion. She could see Jonathan’s lips moving, but the words were taking an age to reach her ears and they were all distorted and at a weird volume. At his first mention of the kiss, she’d been catapulted back to that moment in the pub: the realisation that she’d been right about Carla, that Jonathan was interested in her despite his earlier protestations to the contrary. Much worse, that meant that he wasn’t interested in pursuing this thing with Maddy. Finally she’d thought they were managing to get somewhere and maybe, just maybe, they had a chance of a future together. But here he was in front of her, kissing someone else in the middle of the pub. She had never felt such raw heartache. She’d felt like the floor had fallen away from under her and she’d had to steady herself by pressing her hand against the wall.

But now he was telling her none of that was real? That they could maybe have made it after all? It was more than she was able to comprehend; her whole life had just spun on its axis and she didn’t know which way was up anymore. 

She had an overwhelming urge to escape; to run as far away as possible and not confront this, and she looked to the door to start planning her route. In the next moment she recognised that this was a pivotal moment which could change the course of her life if she allowed it in, and she managed to calm herself down enough to stay in the room.

“Please say something,” he urged her, panic in his voice now. 

There was silence between them for a long time before Maddy finally broke it, her voice dull and emotionless. “I trusted you. You’re the only person I ever fully trusted. And that…that completely broke me.” 

Jonathan felt his heart rip into shreds. He knew his actions had been damaging – more than damaging – for each of them individually and for their potential future together, but hearing her utter that sentence almost broke him too. He was well aware of how difficult she found it to trust people, and he knew and understood why, so he’d taken very seriously the responsibility of being someone that she could and did trust. He recognised that it was an incredibly fragile thread, and now he knew for certain that he was the one who’d shattered it. 

He couldn’t stop the tears from starting to flow. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough, but I am. I’ve never forgiven myself. It’s unforgiveable.” 

He reached forward to take hold of her hand, needing to anchor himself and trying to offer comfort. She flinched away from him but on seeing the pain ravaging his face, she reconsidered and placed her hand tentatively back into his. The warm contact of his skin brought her back to herself and she too began to cry, tears leaking unbidden down her face. 

“So you and she never…?”

He sighed. “You know me…once I’m in a situation I find it hard to get out of it. It carried on for a little while but it was over before it started. We never even slept together, if that’s what you’re asking. She went off and got married a few months later anyway.”

Maddy looked shocked at this news, having always assumed the two of them had had a proper relationship. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jonathan shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, unable to give her a respectable answer, because there wasn’t one. “I wish there was anything I could say that would justify it. I was such a coward. And the more you distanced yourself from me, the more I thought it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

“So it was my fault?” she retorted with flint in her tone, removing her hand from his grasp.

“No. No. That’s not what I meant.” He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “You did nothing wrong. You were protecting yourself. I was trying to rationalise what I’d done, why it wouldn’t make a difference to tell you, because I was so disgusted with myself I couldn’t bear to admit it. And as bloody usual, trying to rationalise feelings didn’t work.”

“So why are you telling me now?”

 “Because I can’t keep seeing you without telling you the truth. And…” he took a deep breath, “…I want to keep seeing you.”

Maddy closed her eyes at his reply, not sure quite what he was saying, and too scared to ask. She knew she needed time to properly absorb the enormity of what he’d just told her, but she also knew that his interpretation of it didn’t take into account the rest of their unresolved relationship at the time.

“Oh, Jonathan,” she sighed, wiping away the tears on her cheeks. “Even if you had told me, we have no idea whether we’d have managed to sort ourselves out and actually ended up together. If it wasn’t that kiss, it would more than likely have been something else that you or I did. The reality is that we needed something as extreme as that to stop being stuck in that endless cycle. Without it, god knows how long we would have continued on without any real decisions. And that would have probably ended just as badly. Then I still would have left.”

He looked confused, never having given himself the forgiveness to allow for such a thought to have formed. He had squarely placed all the blame on himself for her having gone; he’d never thought it might have happened anyway.

She reasoned to herself that this might be the last time she would ever see him, so she decided to be honest, knowing how much the weight of not communicating properly had pressed on her for years. “I never knew where I stood with you. It felt like I wouldn’t be enough. Or maybe that I’d be too much. I don’t know…” she said quietly. “After all this time, I still don’t know.” She looked up at him. “And that was the problem, wasn’t it?”

“What do you mean?” he said hoarsely.

“That neither of us could talk about what we felt. If we even knew.”

Jonathan shook his head, frustration eking out of him from some deeply buried corner of his heart. “You know how terrible I am with women. I told you I had no idea how to read signals. And you always had an ulterior motive. There was always a mystery to solve, or something else going on. You never just wanted to see me.”

“That’s not remotely true and you know it. God, Jonathan. How do you think I felt? You never-” She had to bite her tongue to stop the instant reaction which was ready to spill out and potentially start an argument that could end this rekindled friendship before it even properly began again. And that was the last thing she wanted. She breathed out and stopped to take a moment to think before continuing, but he interrupted instead.

“You’re right. I beat myself up for so long that I never took the initiative. You were this whirlwind who appeared in my life. You completely upended it. I’d never met anyone else like you…I still haven’t,” he smiled at her wryly. “And I didn’t know how to deal with that.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It was meant as one,” he said without a hint of sarcasm.

She sighed, her anger dissipating, and hesitatingly continued. “I had such strong feelings for you so quickly, it scared me half to death. I didn’t know how to deal with that either. I’d spent so much of my life not letting people get close and then there you were, getting far too close for comfort without even trying. You have to understand, everyone in my life that I’d ever…” she took a moment, not wanting to say ‘loved’ and searching for another appropriate term, “…cared about…they’d all left me. I couldn’t…” Tears began to escape and she didn’t allow herself to finish her train of thought because she knew that if she did, her emotions threatened to overwhelm her.

Jonathan ached for her and moved forward to sit next to her, pulling her into a hug and letting her cry, his own tears still falling.

After she’d calmed, he pulled back from their embrace. “I have a theory,” he offered quietly.

“Of course you do,” she said with a withering smile, red-rimmed eyes warily looking up at him.  

He continued uncertainly. “My parents weren’t around. Your Mum was gone, your Dad was never there in the first place, my brother was gone…we were both alone.” He shrugged. “Maybe at the time we each felt like we needed our friendship more than anything else. And neither of us was brave enough to risk losing that.”

“But then we lost both,” she said defeatedly. “Much as I hate to admit it, you’re not wrong. That was definitely part of it.” They sat in silence for another minute before Maddy tentatively risked a question. “But what I’ve never understood is why you were like that. I mean…you had a good life, a good upbringing. Your brother dying must have been awful, but…” she trailed off, not quite knowing how to articulate what she wanted to say.  

Jonathan, however, understood. “I was an awkward, curly-haired, smart-arse child who liked magic and hated sports. What do you think?”

An ‘oh’ formed on Maddy’s lips. “You were bullied?” she asked softly.

“Relentlessly,” he whispered, a lump in his throat.

It was so ingrained within Maddy’s nature to pull back from emotion and bury everything away, and it was such unusual behaviour from Jonathan to reveal his innermost feelings that her first instinct was to bat it all away with a glib response. “Well, you’re full of surprises this morning.” But as she said it she realised she needed to dig deeper. “I’m sorry,” she said sincerely. “I had no idea. Who was it? What did they do to you?”

Jonathan continued on, resigned; now that he’d started he found it easier to carry on. “Three local boys. You name it, they did it. Beat me up, broke my things, stuck my head down the toilet, stole my lunch, forbade anyone else from speaking to me…”

Maddy felt sick. “For how long?”

“As long as I can remember. And after Terry died…well, he wasn’t there to protect me any more so it got even worse. And even more lonely.” He took a moment, his memories taking him back to that awful time after his brother had passed away. Maddy took hold of his hand again, his words a stark reminder that it wasn’t only poverty that could lead to a difficult childhood, which is what she’d often believed given her own experiences. She rubbed her thumb over his hand in comfort, trying to soothe the hurt away. “It got easier as I got older. But those feelings don’t leave you, you know. It’s hard enough believing someone likes you as a friend, let alone…” he looked over at her as the corner of his mouth tugged upwards into a wry smile, and gave a shrug. “And then I ballsed that up too.”

Maddy spoke then with steel in her voice. “Tell me their names. I will hunt them down and make their lives a living hell.”

He smiled through his distress. “You understand now, why your friendship was so important to me?”

She nodded, feeling so sad for him, not trusting herself to speak further. It was so obvious now that she thought about it. Even for a simple friendship it had taken her so long to batter down the barriers he’d had up. She’d thought he was being obtuse, not interested in pursuing anything – friendship or relationship - when in fact he hadn’t really known how. And instead of trying to understand him, she’d taken it personally and put up her own walls in retaliation, not realising he’d been doing his best. The fact that he’d still been there at all was all she’d needed from him to prove his commitment to her, but she’d been unable to see that. It was enough to make her head spin.

Another question gnawed at Maddy and she blurted it out. “Apologies in advance if this is insensitive but…who was your best man?”

Jonathan gave a low chuckle. “My dad. He was who I wanted in place of Terry, who it would have been if he’d still been here. Besides, the thought of Adam hamming it up and telling stories about himself didn’t really appeal.” He thought some more and added quietly, “You’re right though. It was a bit of a rude awakening…almost all my groomsmen ended up being from Polly’s side. She had twelve bridesmaids. I couldn’t keep up.”

“Twelve?” repeated an astonished Maddy, building an immediate, not very complimentary picture of this woman she’d never met.   

“I know,” he said with an eyebrow raise. “Not quite the intimate gathering I’d suggested.”

“You must have hated it,” said Maddy without thinking, before realising what she’d said and trying to backtrack, eyes wide. “I mean…god, sorry…”

“It’s ok. I did, mostly,” he agreed. “I went along with it for her, and the actual ceremony part was fine, but I felt like an odd museum exhibit for most of the day, being pointed at and talked to by people I’d never met before.”

Jonathan screwed up his face at the memory as silence filled the room.

“Let’s talk about something else,” said Maddy, recognising that he didn’t want to dwell on that subject.

“Please.”  

“Well…” she sighed. “If we’re being honest then I have something I have to tell you too. It’s about Charlotte.”

Jonathan looked at her blankly. 

“Charlotte Carney,” she continued, swallowing down her nerves. “I should have told you at the time but I couldn’t deal with…well…I…she…” She stopped, trying to gather her thoughts, more nervous than she’d expected to be when she’d started to speak. She took a deep breath. “She liked you. Really liked you. When you went out with her when you were younger. But she never told you.” Maddy looked nervously for a reaction from Jonathan but nothing was forthcoming; he was frozen on the spot, eyeing her warily, so she plowed on, filling up the silence. “She told me though, and I should have told you. But I couldn’t.” She looked guilty as all hell and then Jonathan responded in a way that she never would have expected: he began to laugh softly. She watched him curiously and finally said, “I don’t understand.” 

“I know. Sorry,” He took a moment to compose himself. “It’s just ironic.” He arranged his thoughts then began to explain. “First of all, she broke up with me, so I’m not sure why she would say that to you. But, regardless of that…I got back in touch with her a few weeks after everything with her family, to check in and make sure she was doing ok. I didn’t tell you because…well…we both know why.” Maddy had the decency to look contrite but she was also surprised and more than a little uncomfortable with this new knowledge. “We met up for coffee and at the end of it, we kissed. I was still angry with you and I was convinced you’d messed up my chance with her, so I was determined to fix it. But when I kissed her…” He shook his head at the memory, “…there was nothing there. I didn’t feel anything for her. I realised I’d built it up so much in my head over the years that I hadn’t stopped to think about whether I actually even still liked her like that.”

Maddy was too shocked to say anything, the message not really computing that she’d spent all those years beating herself up about something that was a non-issue.

“And then,” Jonathan continued, “she let me down gently – just like she had the first time around – and told me she wasn’t interested either. And that was that.”

“Well, I suppose that serves me right, doesn’t it?” said Maddy, earning a puzzled reaction from Jonathan. “All that time feeling guilty for not telling you, when if I’d just been honest with you in the first place…”

A knock at the door interrupted them and Jonathan got up to answer it, to find a member of the housekeeping staff waiting to get in to clean the room; it was well past their check-out time. “Just give us five minutes and we’ll be out of your way,” he told her.

Maddy had meanwhile got up to finish packing, and was zipping up her case when Jonathan closed the door and came back to stand alongside her. She turned to him and took both his hands in hers, looking up at him. “Thank you for telling me…about Carla…and about…” she gestured towards where’d they’d been sitting on the bed, “…your childhood. It’s going to take me some time to absorb it all.” Then, in true Maddy fashion, Jonathan saw her bury her emotions away and continue on as if nothing had happened, “In the meantime, shall we put this conversation on the back burner and go and find some food before I fade away?”

He nodded, more grateful than he could say that she hadn’t kicked him out of her room and vowed never to speak to him again. “One last thing, before we go,” he said, keeping hold of her hands. She looked at him curiously, for a split-second thinking he was going to kiss her given the intensity of his gaze, but then he opened his mouth to speak again. “For what it’s worth, you would have been enough. More than enough.”

A lone tear made its escape down Maddy’s cheek before she forced herself not to crumble in front of him. No longer able to meet his gaze, she pulled him into a hug and closed her eyes, pressing her face into his chest, trying not to think about exactly what his words could mean as his arms held her tightly. She exhaled a long, shaky breath before gathering herself back together and disentangling herself from his embrace, turning back to her bags and preparing to leave.

It wasn’t until later that evening, when she’d got back home and put Sophie to bed, that Maddy allowed herself to collapse onto her own bed and sob into her pillow about all the morning’s revelations.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER ELEVEN

“It’s not hard to grasp, Adam,” said Jonathan down the phone, exasperated. “It’s a simple disappearing trick. Just on a larger scale than you’re used to.”

“It’s brilliant, JC,” Charlie said, Adam having put the phone on loudspeaker at his end so that the pair of them could hear him. “It’s so simple but it’s exactly what Adam’s promised them.”

“Well, ‘simple’ isn’t quite the word I’d use,” Jonathan responded, somewhat put out by Charlie’s take.

“Och, come off it, you know that’s not what I meant,” she chided with a laugh. “Sublimely simple in its appearance, complex under the surface, and completely perplexing to anyone who’s part of it. And that’s the best part. We can have all the media people right up there in the seats to experience it for themselves. Pure brilliance!” He could hear the envy in her voice, wishing she’d come up with it herself, and he gave himself a silent pat on the back.

Adam butted back in. “I understand the revolve. That’s the easy part. But how will they not spot they’re looking at something different?”

“That’s the wonder of all this new tech,” explained Jonathan. “We can have cameras everywhere that reflect exactly what we want them to on the screens. They can change so subtly now it’s imperceptible to the human eye, so even by the time the audience has done a 180, they think it looks exactly the same. But when we remove the screen, bam, Las Vegas has disappeared. We’ll need to figure out all the flourishes and distractions, but that’s your area.”

They entered a long discussion about the mechanics of it, Jonathan stressing how important the location out in the Nevada desert would be, and equally how important the time of day would be; where the sun would be sitting while the trick was taking place could be the easiest giveaway of all. Adam warmed up as they talked, starting to understand exactly how it would function, and where he would come in as the ringmaster, using his skill to tease and divert the audience before the big reveal. He had to hand it to Jonathan; this was a killer illusion. And the gall of making Las Vegas ‘disappear’ in front of people’s eyes, just before he was going to undertake a run of shows there. Genius.

Jonathan had forgotten how much he loved this moment, revealing his plan and seeing how people responded to it, seeing their excitement about it. He imagined Adam must get a similar feeling when he was up on stage performing and feeding off the audience reactions; personally he couldn’t think of anything worse.

They arranged to speak again the next day, once Charlie and Adam had pitched the idea to the powers that be.

“They’re going to love it, Jonathan,” enthused Adam, “This is going to go global.”

“Always happy to help the brand,” replied Jonathan drily.

“You’re a lifesaver, JC,” said Charlie, not for the first time over the past week. “Thank you. We’ll let you know how it goes. Talk to you soon.”

Jonathan heard someone pick up the phone and then Adam’s voice was in his ear again. “Wait a minute. I’ve taken you off speaker. You’re not getting away without telling me about New York.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Adam,” he sighed. “We had a great day catching up and then the awards thing was a lot of fun. She was nominated, which she’d neglected to mention beforehand, so it was quite a big deal.”

“Good for her. I sense a ‘but’ though?”

“It all went a bit to pot the next morning.”

“Did you…?”

Adam could hear Jonathan’s eyeroll down the phone. “No! We didn’t. Is that all you ever think about?” Jonathan would never admit that he had, in fact, thought about it himself a number of times throughout the evening.

“Sorry,” said Adam, suitably chastised. “So, what went wrong?”

“Nothing ‘went wrong’ per se. But we started talking about what happened back in the day and it opened the floodgates.”

“Ah. She cried and you didn’t know what to do?”

Jonathan marvelled that Adam had managed to get through six decades without managing to discover how to comfort a woman. He imagined Adam had simply run away anytime a woman had shown any emotions at all outside of simpering adoration. “Nothing quite that simplistic,” he explained. “There’s a lot that we never talked about back then which we need to discuss now if we’re going to be…friends…again, and it’s not easy. For either of us.”

“Hmmm.” Adam sounded perplexed. “And that’s what you want? To be ‘friends’?” he asked carefully.  

Jonathan was silent for a few seconds before he replied. “Honestly, I’m not sure if we’re capable of being just friends, so I don’t know how to answer that.”

“But you want to keep seeing her?”

“Yes,” said Jonathan quietly, for some reason ashamed to say so. “But I’m not sure if she’ll want to keep seeing me after yesterday.”

He couldn’t remember ever having been as vulnerable in his life as he’d been in that hotel room and while a part of him was embarrassed to have opened up so much, he also felt a tidal wave of relief to have finally told Maddy of the secret he’d held for well over a decade.

It had gone better than he’d anticipated but, given that he’d expected she’d never want to speak to him ever again, it wasn’t a particularly high bar. He still couldn’t get over the fact that she didn’t seem to think his kissing Carla was what had been the end of everything and, if not that, then she believed something else would have happened to separate them. He supposed that the logic made sense and he chastised himself for never having come to the same conclusion.

Adam brought him back to the here and now. “Well, you’ll just have to make sure she does,” he said, not seeming to remember just how strong-willed Maddy could be. 

“I’ll try.”

“Make sure you do,” pushed Adam. “Let me know what’s happening. And we’ll be in touch after we speak to the Encore people.”

They said their goodbyes and Jonathan pondered their chat, wondering how best to proceed with Maddy. 

He’d meant what he’d said to both Adam and to Maddy herself, that he wanted to keep seeing her. More than he could even bear to admit to himself. And he hoped that she felt the same. But he couldn’t deny that the thought also scared him. He’d dealt with so much emotion over the past few months and it was now obvious to him that seeing Maddy again was only going to bring more emotional upheaval. He’d been kidding himself that it could be a simple friendship; it never had been and it was never going to be. But he couldn’t be sure of what it was going to be either and that was incredibly unsettling.

After their talk they’d gone to find some food – lunch, by the time they made it out of the hotel – and then headed over to Tannen’s so that Jonathan could get his magic fix before they’d had to leave for the train. They had managed to avoid any further delicate discussions or references to that morning but in doing so, they’d both been fairly subdued and hadn’t managed to return their conversation to the levity of the day before. Jonathan was extremely worried that he’d managed to ruin this newly-discovered friendship before it had properly begun and he’d retreated even further into his shell as a result. On parting at Penn Station, as had happened after their dinner in Philadelphia, Jonathan had felt a stab of fear at leaving her, thinking that it could be the last time he saw her.

His chat with Adam had renewed his determination not to fall into the same trap as first time around, allowing her to distance herself from him, and not being brave enough to take the initiative to contact her himself. If he did that, before he knew it, years would have passed and he’d be full of regret once more. Plus, she was the one who’d suggested both of their recent meetings; now it was his turn to step up.

***************

With Sophie packed off to school, Maddy sat in her back garden enjoying the sun on her face, a cup of tea in hand, and finally with the space to absorb everything that had happened over the previous couple of days in New York.

It was at times like this that she wished she had someone she could talk through her feelings with, but aside from her therapists, occasionally Barry and Sheena back in the day, and Jonathan himself, she’d never managed to be vulnerable enough with friends to allow them so deeply into her world and her past. Besides, she could still barely explain what had happened with Jonathan to herself, let alone trying to enlighten someone else of all the nuances of their almost-relationship.

She thought about their first day in New York going round the museums talking, laughing, bantering and bickering. It had felt just like it used to; so easy to be with him and like they were a team again. And yet there had also been an unspoken tension between them which laid bare all the layers of feeling which had been hidden away under the surface for years. It had been a strange thing to know there was so much history and yet to carry on without addressing it properly, but she’d been grateful for the time simply to get to know him again without any of that coming into play.

Then he’d appeared at her hotel room door in his tux, a smile on his face and a compliment on his lips, and oh god that hair, and she’d realised in that moment that she was in a lot of trouble, a feeling which had only intensified as the evening had progressed.

It had filled her with pride to see him engage so easily with her colleagues and she’d been reminded just how smart and sharp he was, with a knowledge and awareness of the wider world on a par with her own. It had made her recall numerous discussions about a news item or a political situation where they’d held each other to account, debating back and forth, often arguing their case so successfully that they’d changed the others’ mind on a subject. God, she missed that.

And then there was the dancing. The Jonathan she’d known back then would never have voluntarily started dancing with her, holding her close like that and making her feel like no-one else mattered. She’d soaked in the moment at the time but now she didn’t know what to make of it. She would never admit it to him but it was while they were dancing that the lyrics of one of her Mum’s favourite songs had come to her unbidden - the way that you hold me, whenever you hold me, there’s some kind of magic inside you - and that was why she’d chosen to sing ‘Nobody Does It Better’ at the karaoke instead of her actual party trick song, which had always been Whitney Houston’s ‘Greatest Love of All’. She’d meant every word of the song’s lyrics as she sang them to him through the darkness of the bar.

Over the years Maddy had resigned herself to the fact that she’d most likely end up alone, without a partner. In truth she wasn’t sure she was actually capable of having a long-term relationship; she’d never managed up to this point in her life, and she thought it was probably easier not to set herself up for more heartache by trying to meet someone new. It was only when she was faced with a situation that was different to her everyday reality that she realised just how much she was missing out on by being on her own. And having Jonathan beside her - with her - at the awards had reminded her how good it felt to have someone else there for you and you alone; someone to be your partner in crime whatever life served up. The only problem now was that she couldn’t fool herself into thinking that she wanted that person to be anyone other than Jonathan.

Irrespective of what Rina had intimated, it had also been obvious to Maddy that Jonathan was not behaving solely as a friend either. While in the past she’d so often found it difficult, if not impossible, to fathom what he was thinking, the intervening years seemed to have softened some of the hard edges from both of them so they’d actually been able to show that they were enjoying each other’s company. She knew that, for her at least, it was a reflection that she now knew exactly what she’d been missing.

The thing was, when Adam had got in touch and she’d initially written to Jonathan, she really had intended only to extend the hand of friendship to him. She didn’t know who he would have become since they’d last seen each other, so to expect anything more would have been foolish. But his emails had proven that he was still the same man, if perplexingly more complimentary than ever before, and by the end of their dinner in Philadelphia, for her the illusion of being able to be ‘just friends’ had been shattered.

His revelations on their second day in New York had shocked her to the core. While she’d gone to bed the previous evening with a cautious, albeit alcohol-fuelled hope that there may be a glimmer of hope for their future, she’d crashed firmly back to earth during their chat the next morning. But where it was a shock to hear that the kiss with Carla hadn’t meant anything and there had been no real relationship between the pair of them, it was actually the fact that he’d opened up and told her about what had happened which had been the most astonishing.

She’d spent years moving on and setting up a new life for herself. She’d had to reconcile what had happened, and through both time and therapy she’d faced up to many of her own failings as well as forgiving Jonathan for any of his. She’d recognised that the situation they’d ended up in was both of their faults, but she could only take responsibility for her own actions and that’s what she’d worked hard to do. Through that process, she’d finally admitted to herself how she really felt about him, but she’d never allowed herself to presume that his feelings had been as strong as hers.

And yet…yet…now he was telling her that he’d spent all these years squarely blaming himself for their parting - he’d cried in front of her for the first time ever in his life, for goodness’ sake. He’d never got over it, and that meant that he really had cared about her, more than he’d ever let her know, and more than she’d ever let herself believe. And that was terrifying. Terrifying because of what they’d lost, and terrifying because of what could still be.

It would be easier to end it now before it began. She may have done a lot of therapy but that deep-seated fear of letting someone in – properly in - was still firmly in place. How could she possibly have any confidence that they might be able to make something work after the car crash of their first attempt, if she could even call it that? And much as she now understood he’d felt strongly for her back then, he was obviously in a difficult emotional place from his separation, and she couldn’t presume anything on his part.

Most important of all, Sophie had to be her priority, and she was in no doubt that keeping the status quo was the safest thing to do for her daughter.

She realised she was making an awful lot of assumptions; there might not even be another opportunity to see Jonathan before he went back to England and that could be the end of it. Maybe that was for the best. Much as she felt sick with fear to think that she might not see him again, she also felt a rush of relief knowing that if she didn’t see him, she wouldn’t have to open up her heart again with absolutely no guarantee of a better outcome than last time.

A ping from her mobile brought her out of her pensive state and back to the now lukewarm cup of tea in her hand. She picked up her phone to find a new email in her inbox and ruefully said a soft “you bastard” to herself as she read it.

Maddy,

Thank you again for inviting me to the awards. I had a great night, and I hope I didn’t ruin it by instigating our conversation the next morning. I’m aware that what I told you was a lot to take on board, and I hope I haven’t made things more difficult for you by opening up old wounds.

I’d like to see you again before I go back home, otherwise it might be a long time before we have another opportunity. I don’t want to make the same mistake a second time. I wondered if you’d be open to me coming to visit you next week? In D.C.?

Jonathan

Chapter Text

CHAPTER TWELVE

Jonathan arrived on the train just after lunch and Maddy met him outside the station. After a somewhat awkward hug and a silent agreement not to discuss anything from their past just yet, they soon settled back into a comfortable dynamic as Maddy showed him the sights around the city. Actually seeing the White House in real life was quite an unexpected thrill and Jonathan stood for a long time simply taking in the view of it until she dragged him off to what she considered the more interesting areas of town.

He was happy to have someone to talk through the details of his new illusion with, and he took her through the concept and the various ideas and options he’d come up with to make it really stand out. She was so interested and excited to hear about it and Jonathan couldn’t help but compare her response with how he knew Polly would have reacted, with her lack of enthusiasm shining through any veil of feigned interest. He took seriously the comments and feedback that Maddy gave him about it, filing her questions away in his brain to ponder on later.

They headed back to her house in time for Sophie to get back from her after-school tennis practice. He’d suggested he get a hotel for the night but she’d told him there was no point in him coming to hers for dinner then going all the way back into town late at night when she had two spare rooms going begging. He couldn’t deny being a little apprehensive about meeting Maddy’s daughter, but more for the fact that she’d be a reminder of a life lived without him than for fear of not getting along with her.

Not long after they sat down with a coffee, Jonathan heard the front door slam open and shut, then a little pair of feet came running through to the kitchen and skidded to a stop in front of him.

“You must be Jonathan,” she said confidently with an American accent. “Hello.”

“And you must be Sophie,” said Jonathan with a smile from his stool at the benchtop, a little taken aback by the poise of the dark-haired, blue-eyed girl who’d appeared. “Hello.”

“Don’t I get a hello?” said Maddy to her daughter as she reached out for a hug and a kiss.

Sophie gave her a big squeeze around her middle and a “hi Mom” then turned straight back to Jonathan. “What team do you support?”

“Sorry?”

“Soccer. Or football. Mom said she didn’t know.”

Maddy smirked, knowing full-well Jonathan was not remotely interested in sports of any kind and couldn’t care less about the beautiful game.

“Oh. Well, if I have to pick one then it’s Arsenal.”

“Arsenal?” piped up Maddy, surprised he even had an answer.

“My grandad was a fan,” he added. “He used to take us sometimes.”

“I support Crystal Palace,” said Sophie, as if that was the only correct answer to her question. Then she followed on with an unrelated question. “Do you really live in a windmill?”

“Yes, I do. Would you like to know a secret about it?” Sophie nodded and Jonathan continued in a whisper. “There are magic pixies in the woods outside of it who can give you special powers.”

Sophie’s eyes grew wide and she looked sceptical but demanded to know more. Jonathan had to suppress a laugh at just how much she looked like a mini Maddy with that look on her face. Ten minutes later, the pair of them were ensconced on the sofa, Jonathan telling her about letters he’d found under his pillow from the pixies as a child and embellishing with tales of hobgoblins and wizards. She was entranced.

Maddy’s heart melted as she watched from the counter while she started to prep dinner. She knew he was good with kids but it was a relief to see just how easily he’d managed to get Sophie on side. Nonetheless her daughter’s next question caught her off guard.

“Are you going to be Mom’s boyfriend?”

Jonathan’s eyebrows shot up and he turned to Maddy, who laughed at his discomfort then stared levelly at him as she said, “Oh, darling, I told you before. Jonathan was the best boyfriend I never had.”

“But I don’t know what that means!” said Sophie with a whine and a tiny foot stamp.

“You don’t need to understand everything. You’re only eight!” admonished Maddy with a smile.

For his part, while amused at Sophie’s reaction, Jonathan was looking with curious intensity at Maddy.

“What?” she countered, spotting his expression. “It’s true, isn’t it?”

Jonathan weighed up the reality of what she’d said. They’d been a couple in almost every sense except the obvious, and she’d been the most reliable, consistent and loyal woman in his life for a long time. Not to mention the sexual tension that had been off the charts.

“It’s a better description than I’ve never been able to come up with” he conceded, echoing her wordplay.

An ocean of history swirled between them as they smiled softly at each other, unable to look away.

“What’s happening now?” demanded Sophie, looking from face to face.

Jonathan felt like he’d been punched in the gut when Maddy replied to her daughter. “It’s called regret, darling,” she said, as she dragged her eyes away from his, “and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you avoid it.”

“You’ve always told me you should only regret what you didn’t do,” continued Sophie, confused further by Maddy’s response.

“Exactly,” said Jonathan quietly, catching Maddy’s eye again in a vain attempt to communicate the full extent of his long-standing remorse.

“Right. Come on you two shirkers. Come and help with dinner.” Maddy pulled them back into the present and returned to prepping the chicken, not allowing Jonathan to see her wipe away a tear as she turned away from him.

**************

Dinner was a raucous affair as Sophie peppered Jonathan with constant questions, and Maddy tried in vain to calm her down so they could have some semblance of conversation.

Jonathan watched the pair of them together and thought how happy he was for Maddy to have such a bright light in her life. But he also had a glimpse of what his life could have been and at one point he felt such a deep sadness he had to grip the edge of the table to steady himself.

It was already past 9pm by the time they’d finished eating and Maddy had done the bedtime routine and got Sophie off to sleep. She came back downstairs to join him, topping up their wine glasses along the way, and flopped onto the sofa beside him. “You’ve certainly made a new friend.”

“She’s great,” replied Jonathan. “I know it can’t have been easy, but you should be very proud.”

She smiled over at him, surprised once again by a compliment. “Thank you. She makes it easy, most of the time.” As she spoke, she noticed he was looking pensive. “What’s the matter?”

He thought for a minute before replying. “I knew intellectually about Sophie, but to be here and meet her…I suppose I hadn’t really grasped how much your life has changed. Meanwhile I’m back at the windmill and doing a gig for Adam like my life’s been stuck in time for the past decade.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that if it’s what you want.” She smiled wistfully. “There’s plenty of times I’ve wished I was right back there too.”

Jonathan caught her off guard as he replied, “I’ve wished for that too.” The atmosphere in the room tangibly changed as they stared at each other, trying to read what was going on in the other’s head. He leaned in towards Maddy, his intent more than clear as she focused on his eyes, feeling as if she could drown in their dark depths which were silently questioning if he should continue. He hesitated for a moment before he softly pressed his lips to hers, deepening the kiss as she showed no resistance, and her hand came up to wrap around the back of his neck, drawing him closer.

Moments later, however, she pulled away from him and rested her forehead against his, taking a deep breath in to steady herself.

“I don’t know if my heart can do this again, Jonathan.”

He stood up quickly. “Sorry. I’m sorry” he mumbled, looking anywhere but at her face. “I should go to bed” he stated then turned to leave the room.

“Hey” she said softly, grabbing hold of his hand before he had a chance to move any further away. “I’m supposed to be the one that runs away, not you. Remember?” She gave his hand a squeeze as she pulled him back down to sit beside her again.

She took a moment to compose her thoughts before speaking again. “If there’s anything we should have learnt from our past, it’s that we have to talk things through, even if we want to run a mile in the other direction.”

Jonathan gave an awkward nod. “You’re right. It’s difficult to change old habits though, isn’t it?” he said with a wry smile. “But I shouldn’t have…” he gestured between them and gave a deep sigh.

Maddy held tight to his hand, now clasped between both of hers. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” she said quietly, looking down at their intertwined hands, “It’s scary how fast all the feelings have come back.” She sighed and continued ruefully, “Do you know what I would have given for you to kiss me back then, given me a tiny indication of how you felt?”

“I thought you knew. I thought it was obvious,” he said with a tiny voice. ”I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I don’t want to hurt you again,” he said softly, looking up at her. “It’s the last thing I want to do. I hate myself for how I behaved.”

She sighed again. “Jonathan, we’ve been through this. We both have a cross to bear.”

He gave a small nod of his head in acquiescence. “I know. But I’ll always regret it. It all feels so easy with you. Which is ironic, when it seemed so hard back then. I just wish…”

“I know,” she agreed, and rubbed her thumb over his hand, trying to communicate years of emotion. “But we can’t change the past.” She looked up at him and waited until he returned her gaze to speak again.  “Maybe it was always easy. We just made it too difficult with all the baggage we both had.”

“Maybe. Or maybe we’re looking at it with rose-coloured glasses.”

She looked at him expectantly. “Meaning?”

“Meaning that it wasn’t all sunshine and roses, was it? We argued all the time,” he said with an eye roll.

“That’s because you’re the most irritating man on the planet,” said Maddy, lightening the mood a little and eliciting a sarcastic smile from him in response. Then she continued. “I know it’s probably impossible to understand but my arguing with you was my way of trying to keep you at arm’s length.”  

“I know. I realised that early on. You think I’d have stuck around if I hadn’t?” He gave her hand a squeeze. “It wasn’t just you, though. It’s not like either of us was capable of actually communicating, is it?”

“I certainly wasn’t,” agreed Maddy. “I mean, it took us three years to get into bed together but we were still completely incapable of discussing how we felt. It’s no wonder it wasn’t exactly fireworks when we had sex, is it? When we were framing it as something we needed to do to get over with instead of something that we actually wanted.”

Jonathan couldn’t disagree with what she’d said. Thinking of his recent internal revelations about his feelings for her – love, his mind kept repeating over and over – he dared to ask what he really wanted to know. “What…did you feel?”

Maddy wondered how honest to be, her brain churning out various glib remarks and retorts that would close off the discussion quickly and return them to safer ground. But she also knew that she needed to say it, to tell him the truth about her feelings for once in her life, even if it upended everything again. Besides, she told herself, she was talking about the past so it was almost as if she wasn’t baring her soul to him. She started speaking before she could change her mind. “I can’t speak for you. But I was hopelessly, exhaustingly, frustratingly and terrifyingly in love with you.”

He didn’t know what he’d expected her to say, but it certainly wasn’t that. She saw his eyes widen and then he completely froze as he absorbed her words properly.

“I know,” she said quickly in response to his shock. “It was a lot for me to realise too. It took a long time for me to admit it to myself, so god knows I wasn’t capable of admitting it to you or anyone else back then.”

“I was too,” he said quietly, his mouth completely dry, but needing to reflect Maddy’s honesty back to her with his own. It was the very least she deserved.  

She watched his face to try to determine if he meant what she thought he did. “What do you mean?” She said it as lightly as possible, trying not to infer any emotion into it, but her heart was leaping into her throat as she did so.

“I was hopelessly, exhaustingly, frustratingly and terrifyingly in love with you too,” he replied, shoulders sagging.

Maddy was glad she was sitting down because a wave of dizziness hit her as her senses completely overloaded. She had never allowed herself to think that he’d actually felt the same. In fact, she’d convinced herself that he hadn’t, because it was the only way she’d been able to let him go.

His next words were just as much of a shock. “And I’m quickly coming to the realisation that I’ve never got over that.”

She retreated back into the far corner of the couch and folded her legs up, wrapping her arms around them, making a protective ball. She looked warily at him and shook her head. “Don’t.”

Jonathan understood immediately that he was unwittingly pushing her too far, too fast and he sat back, giving them both time to breathe and absorb what had been said.

Maddy broke the silence first, trying to put some of her feelings into words. “I never let myself think you might have felt the same. So that’s…” she blew out a sigh to steady her breath, on the verge of tears, “…it’s a lot to take in. It took me so long to deal with what had happened…well, what I thought had happened…” She stopped, trying to clarify what she wanted to say. “I’m grateful you told me, but it's upending everything I thought I knew…and everything I thought I’d already dealt with.”

She relaxed a little on the couch, bringing her legs underneath her and reaching forward to pick up her wine glass from the table. “I’m going to need a lot more therapy,” she added, trying to bring some levity back to their conversation.

At this, Jonathan felt a sucker punch of shame. “You are incredible,” he sighed.

She looked taken aback, not sure if he was being serious or readying to start an argument.

“No. I mean it,” he continued, looking into her eyes to make sure she knew he was being truthful. “Maddy. You. Are. Incredible. How can you be so nice to me…so kind…after all that? After everything you’ve been through. After what I did to you. Why don’t you hate me?”

“I could never hate you, Jonathan,” she said sadly.    

“But I’m being so selfish. Your life was perfectly fine without me in it, and now here I am, messing it all up again.”

“You’re not messing it all up,” she shook her head, tears shining in her eyes. “You’re making me wonder why I ever let you go.”

It was quiet for a minute before she continued. “It was much easier when we didn’t talk about our emotions,” she quipped, wiping her eyes.

“Was it?” he asked deadpan, left eyebrow in the air.

She thought for a moment. “No. You’re right, as usual,” she smiled wryly, remembering the anguish of nights spent wishing she’d been braver or trying to read his feelings as if through a crystal ball. “So…” she continued, hesitatingly returning them back to their conversation, “what on earth are we doing?”

“If there’s anything I learned from last time, it’s that I should seize the moment with you,” admitted Jonathan. “And I suppose that’s what I was trying to do before. Very badly, obviously.”

Maddy shook her head, disagreeing. “Not badly,” she said softly, making sure he knew she was being sincere. “Look, I think we can both admit that a lot of those buried feelings have resurfaced.” He nodded, looking into his wine glass as she continued. “But it’s not that simple, is it? I have Sophie. We live on opposite sides of the Atlantic. You’re in the middle of a divorce.”

He looked up at her. “When did you become the sensible one?”

She laughed, letting out some of the tension. “I don’t think anyone’s ever called me sensible before.”

“I know it’s not simple. But I think it’s worth it.” He paused, wondering whether to voice what he was thinking, and decided to bite the bullet. “Your partner should be your best friend. You were. And even after all this time you still are,” he confessed quietly. “Spending time with you again has made me realise how alone I was in my marriage.”

Maddy took a deep breath in, taking on board what he was saying and being careful of her response to what was obviously a very difficult and embarrassing thing to divulge, and to her of all people. Especially after what he’d revealed to her about his childhood bullying and lack of friendships, she recognised how fragile this admission must make him feel. She weighed up what to say, but Jonathan beat her to it.

“I don’t want to give you the impression that Polly’s a terrible person. She’s not. We’re both to blame. But we’re not on the same wavelength. We never were. I just wouldn’t let myself see it.” 

Maddy heard the defeat in his voice and searched underneath it to discover the truth. “Jonathan, you’re still hurting so much.” She decided to tackle the subject of the woman who’d taken up far too much space in her brain for the last couple of months, and cautiously spoke again. “Look. I don’t know Polly and I can’t begin to know what went on in your relationship, but I think you’re doing yourself a disservice to tell yourself your whole marriage was a sham. You must have been happy…at some point?” She couldn’t deny a morbid curiosity about their pairing and a need to know more about the other woman, but she was also conscious it would be a mistake to push too far too fast.

Jonathan deliberated how candid he should be with her. As with many of their recent conversations, he realised he had little to lose and, in fact, what he was about to say could be a balm to her soul and convince her of his feelings towards her, so he ploughed forward.

“When I met Polly, there hadn’t been anyone since you. A few dates here and there, Carla obviously, but no-one serious. No-one who came close to you.” Maddy listened in surprise and with more than a hint of fear, careful not to say anything to derail him as he continued. “I’d come to the conclusion that I wouldn’t ever meet someone else, and I suppose I thought that was karma for what I’d done to you. And then Polly came along and there was a spark - more than I’d felt for anyone else since you - so I dived in and before I knew it, I was playing at being a proper adult.” He grimaced over at her. “I was happy, at first. But if I’d met her before you, I’d have known very quickly that we weren’t right for each other. As it was…” He shrugged. “I think I thought that was my lot. Subconsciously I suppose I realised I’d never have as strong a connection with anyone else as I’d had with you. And she did a very good job of taking me away from everything that was a reminder of you. I don’t think that was particularly conscious on her part, but….no more windmill. No more Adam. No more magic…”

“No more you,” whispered Maddy so quietly he barely heard her, then she tried to cover it up by continuing at a more level pitch, “What…did she know about me?”

“The basics. I never told her what happened in the end. I’ve never told anyone what happened. But there were the books, and people recognised me sometimes and they’d always ask about you. I suppose she felt a little threatened.”  

“How ironic.”

“How so?”

“That I should feel so threatened by her too.”

He started to reply twice, stopping as soon as he began and looking frustrated as he tried to articulate his thoughts. Finally, he spoke again. “There’s no need. You’re right that I’m hurting,” he agreed with her first point. “But I’m in no doubt that it was the right decision to leave Polly. I’m one hundred percent certain. And a big part of the reason I’m hurting is because I’m being faced with what I gave up far too easily. Maybe if we can figure that out…?” He looked at her pointedly and they fell into silence again.

Maddy spoke quietly then, the vulnerability she was feeling obvious in her voice. “How can we be sure that this time would be different?”

He sighed. “We can’t. I’ve already messed up a marriage. And whatever we were first time around.”

“You’ve done better than I ever did,” she replied ruefully. “I don’t know if I’m capable of a proper relationship.”

“What about Sophie’s Dad?” Jonathan couldn’t deny being intrigued, and also being unreasonably jealous of this man he knew nothing about.

It was Maddy’s turn to sigh. “Ben,” she said, confirming his name. “I did what I’ve always done. Went for the most emotionally distant, unsuitable man I could find. He and Trevor were like peas in a pod,” she said, her words laced with hurt. She hesitated before continuing but realised she needed to reflect his honesty with her own. “I…I really wanted kids. Biological clock and all those clichés. I thought…after you…that was it, my time was up. So when he came along I jumped in without really thinking. Partly to try to get over you, and partly because I knew I didn’t have much time.”

She took a moment to allow that to sink in for him, watching him close his eyes against some unspoken pain, then she carried on. “I was pregnant four months after I met him. Then I was alone four months after Sophie was born. Not exactly an advertisement for a happy, successful relationship.”

“I’m sorry.”

She nodded, knowing he was apologising for so much more than the obvious.  

Jonathan reached forward tentatively for Maddy’s hand again, waiting until she’d placed her hand in his before he spoke. “Maybe we can figure it out together this time.”

She felt a warm tendril of hope spiralling around her heart, but she knew she needed to proceed with caution. “If we decide to do this, we have to be clear about a path forwards. Sophie has to be my priority.”

“I know. I understand that.” He squeezed her hand. “I know I have to properly earn your trust again. You have to tell me what you need.”

Maddy looked into his eyes and nodded. “We’ve been more open and honest in the last three weeks than we were in three whole years. It’s a good start.”

They smiled at each other, a sense of calm and togetherness falling over them despite the fear of the unknown. Maddy scooted back across the couch towards him and reached over to pull him into a tight embrace, trying to communicate a multitude of feelings. He returned the hug with just as much meaning, soaking in the sensation of holding her close. 

They talked late into the night, haltingly coming up with some semblance of a plan to be able to continue seeing each other despite the rather large obstacle of living in different countries. They both knew that anything long-distance could only last for so long, but also agreed it was foolish to try to imagine anything past that point. Jonathan was infinitely grateful to have taken up Adam and Charlie’s request to create the Vegas illusion because that would mean he’d be back in the US again in the coming months, allowing them to spend more time together.

Before finally heading up to bed, Maddy leaned closer to Jonathan and took a long look at him, overwhelmed to see the truth of his feelings in the depths of his eyes, recognisable to her for the first time ever. With a blaze of understanding, she suddenly realised that had always been there, she’d just always been too fearful to acknowledge it before. Entranced by her gaze, he reached up to cup her cheek in his palm, then leant forward to softly brush his lips over hers in invitation.

Hearts pounding, they shared a long, tender kiss full of history, intention and promise. It felt like they’d been catapulted back in time and flashes of their long, drawn-out almost-romance were at the forefront of both their minds as they slowly rediscovered each other, revelling in the feeling that, even after all this time, this was meant to be.

 As it started to become more heated, Maddy regretfully admitted that she couldn’t risk Sophie coming into her bedroom and finding them in bed together the following morning, not without any prior explanations. With a huge amount of effort she eventually managed to drag herself away and climb the stairs, leaving him to his thoughts for a while longer before he made his own way upstairs to his room.

They both knew that questions and doubts would start to creep in in the cold light of morning, but they also knew that for the first time ever they were on the same page and determined to give everything they had to make a go of things.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

It had been four days since Jonathan had arrived in Las Vegas and he’d quickly begun to think that advertising wasn’t too bad a gig after all when compared to working for Adam. He was continually exasperated by the magician’s inability to focus on the task at hand, and the “it’ll be fine” attitude he maintained when discussing any tricky details.  

Thankfully, Charlie more than made up for it and was helping to keep his sanity intact. Not only did she take the tiny particulars of the illusion as seriously as Jonathan did, she felt the same frustration as he did towards Adam and they were able to communicate their shared irritation to each other with eye rolls and sotto voce comments aplenty.

After a full day of touring the surrounds of Las Vegas, doing a recce around different locations in the mountains and valleys, they had finally decided on the best spot to base the illusion, and had spent the rest of their time working through the specifics of how it would play out.

On the surface it looked simple: an audience of media and famous faces would sit in seats on a platform, facing the legendary skyline of the city. Then the team would put panels in place covering up the vista so that the spectators would be amazed to see that the city had completely disappeared when the panels were removed a few minutes later. It was a deceptively simple trick and worked on the basis that of course the city wasn’t being moved, the audience were. The platform was secretly sitting on a revolve which would turn them imperceptibly to face the other direction without them knowing, only to be faced with desert and mountains instead of the city they were expecting. Naturally, making it function properly wasn’t quite as simple as it seemed, and it required a lot of planning. They’d need to undertake a big build then several trials before the real thing would take place in a couple of months.

The morning of day four had been made more bearable by the fact that Maddy was due to fly in that afternoon, and even the usually measured Jonathan wasn’t able to suppress his anticipation at her arrival. It had been just over a week since their big talk and they’d parted with a promise to see each other once more before he had to fly back to England.

It had been Adam who’d suggested Jonathan invite Maddy to fly out for their last night in Vegas, delighted that his plan to put them back in touch seemed to be working out. He was indebted to Jonathan for agreeing to work with him on this illusion, and he was also keen to see Maddy again himself after such a long time, so he’d told Jonathan he’d fly her out, and the Encore would comp her a room from Adam’s allocation. At first Jonathan hadn’t been sure, thinking it would be better for just the two of them to spend time together, but he’d realised that it might be less pressure to be out with other people and they’d be less likely to descend into deep, difficult conversations when they weren’t alone. He was determined for them to have fun and enjoy their time together for the next 24 hours.

Maddy had been excited when he’d asked her, having never been to Vegas before, and she’d arranged for Sophie to stay at a friend’s place while she’d be away after checking in that her daughter really didn’t mind her leaving for another night. Sophie was delighted she’d get to have a sleepover; her only concern being that she wouldn’t get to see Jonathan again because she now considered him her friend too, which Maddy thought was rather sweet and bode well for the future.

At 2pm Jonathan made his excuses and headed to McCarran airport to meet Maddy off her flight. They’d spoken every day since he’d left D.C. and continued to uphold their promise to make a go of things, but even still, a week’s distance had made him nervous to see her again in person.

He’d taken the car which the Encore had allocated for Adam and, with the driver stopped in the pick-up area, he headed towards the Arrivals doors and stopped just shy of the barriers, leaning against a pillar to wait. He wasn’t sure what to do when she did arrive, and contemplated whether he should kiss her, which he wanted to do, or whether a hug would be the ‘correct’ thing given their not-quite-a-relationship-yet status. He questioned how he could still feel like an unsure 20-year-old when it came to women, then wondered if it was just because of who this particular woman was.

It wasn’t long before he spotted her coming down the elevators into the baggage hall. He couldn’t help the smile from forming on his lips and he watched affectionately as she searched out the signs for which exit to take. She’d brought only a cabin bag so she didn’t need to wait for her luggage to arrive. The domestic terminal at McCarran didn’t make it easy, with different exits for different things: taxis, private cars, meeting people, and all while those on the outside could see in. She eventually found the right way to go and headed in his direction. As she noticed him through the glass she broke into a smile, and Jonathan’s nerves were somehow both allayed and heightened at the same time.

As she came to a stop in front of him, she let go of her suitcase to loop her arms around his waist. “Hi,” she said, looking up at him, still smiling, equally as nervous and excited.

“Hi,” he replied, taking the invitation for closeness by wrapping his arms around her too.

Then they both paused, unsure about their next move but unwilling to separate.

“This is so weird.” Maddy shook her head a little and they both laughed, removing the tension between them. She looked back into his eyes and made a decision. “If we think about things too much, we won’t get anywhere, will we?” she said, then reached up on her tiptoes to kiss him. He gratefully responded, pulling her closer as he smiled into her kiss, mentally kicking himself for overthinking as usual.

“Not just a pretty face, are you?” he said as they parted.

She smiled up at him, flustered by the kiss and the compliment combined, and tried to get back onto an even keel. “So come on, what’s the plan?”

As they walked to the car, Jonathan told her that they were going to meet Adam and Charlie for drinks at 7pm, then dinner was booked for 8.30pm. He didn’t know where they were going, but Adam had said they should get properly dressed up.

“Adam hasn’t changed then. Fit for a king, as usual,” said Maddy. “What about before that?”

Jonathan shrugged. “I thought we could take a walk down The Strip? I haven’t had a chance to see any of the sights yet. It’d be a shame not to, while we’re here.”

“As long as that also includes a stop for some food along the way, I’m in. I wasn’t prepared to shell out a small fortune for a miniscule ‘guess the meat’ adventure on the plane.”

“I thought you’d eat anything,” he laughed. “Shame we’re not here for longer. They have this thing called the Buffet of Buffets. You buy a pass for about sixty dollars and it gives you access to five different hotels’ buffets for 24 hours. If you start with late dinner one night, you can go right through to the following night’s dinner. Apparently it’s incredible. Every cuisine imaginable.”

Maddy’s eyes grew wide. “Let’s see how hungry we still are after dinner tonight,” she said, only half-joking.

“Let’s see how drunk we are after dinner tonight,” replied Jonathan. “You know what Adam’s like.”

“True,” she smiled, and followed him into the back of the car, saying hello to the driver before they sped off.  

Jonathan had picked up Maddy’s keycard before he’d left, so on arrival at the hotel they headed through the casino floor then straight up in the elevators to find her room. Adam had outdone himself. It was a huge suite with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the whole Strip, and they stood together marvelling at the view. In truth, they’d each have been happy to be facing a brick wall if it meant they could stand next to each other, arms touching, nerves dancing, but the vista was a good excuse for now.

Maddy sorted out her bag and hung up her dress for later then they made their way back downstairs and headed out to the maelstrom of The Strip, surrounded by other tourists and the locals trying to sell their wares. They were either dressed in character costumes for photo opportunities, or strumming piles of business cards with call girls’ details on them against their other hand, creating a strange zipping noise. Jonathan only made the mistake of accepting a card once, causing Maddy to laugh with glee at his shocked response on realising what it was.  

The pair made their way slowly along the Strip, moving in and out of each casino and using the overbridges to cross where it was demanded of them. They stopped at a bistro in the Venetian for some food, sitting alongside one of the canals and watching the gondolas come and go, amazed at the detail of the building surrounding them.

Maddy’s favourite was the Bellagio fountains and she hoped they’d be able to see them again after nightfall, when they’d surely be even more spectacular with the light show.

They made it as far as New York, New York, watching crazy people screaming their heads off on the rollercoaster before realising it was already almost 6pm and they’d never make it back in time to get ready if they walked all the way again. Luckily cabs were plentiful, and they jumped in one to take a quick ride back to the hotel. 

***************

They met back in the lobby at 7pm. Once again, Jonathan was bowled over by how Maddy looked, this time in an amber-coloured, long-sleeved silk dress and cherry-dark lips. He remembered her words from earlier about not overthinking things, so he leant in to give her a kiss on the cheek and whispered into her ear, “You look beautiful.”

A blush rose up from Maddy’s chest to her face, and her brain turned to mush. It was all she could do to take hold of his arm and start walking with him in the direction of the bar, wanting instead to kiss him senseless in the middle of the casino floor.

“Here they come!” said Adam jovially as he spotted them, delighted to see Maddy again.

“I thought he’d split up from his wife?” asked Charlie under her breath, perplexed, assuming the woman beside Jonathan must be his spouse given how comfortable they looked with each other.

“He did,” replied Adam, equally as puzzled by Charlie’s question.

Charlie looked confused as she watched the couple approaching them, and then a light went on in her brain, and her jaw dropped. “Madeline…” she said to herself. “You’re Maddy Magellan!” she said loudly to a bemused Maddy as they arrived in front of her and Adam.

“I am,” said Maddy with a bewildered smile.

“But…” she looked over to Jonathan and punched him in the arm as she hissed at him, “JC! Why didn’t you say it was Maddy Magellan who was coming?”

He rubbed his arm. “I thought I did.”

“Adam said that Madeline was coming. I didn’t put two and two together. Oh. My. God. I am the hugest fan of your books.”

“Well, that’s a good start. I think I’m going to like you. It was usually Jonathan who had all the girls in love with him,” said Maddy with a grin, glancing over at him to see a pained eye roll as he remembered those days of promoting her books. “I’m assuming you must be Charlie?”

“Yes. I am. Aye. Oh, man. It’s so good to meet you.” Charlie continued shaking her head in disbelief, muttering ‘oh my god’ to herself again as Maddy turned to Adam and was engulfed in a hug.

“Madeline! You’re a sight for sore eyes,” said the magician as he held her tightly. “It’s been far too long.”

“I’m surprised to be saying this to you, Adam, but you’re right, it has,” she agreed, happy to see him too.

On pulling away from the hug, Adam led Maddy over to the bar to sort out drinks for them all, taking the opportunity for a quick aside. “I don’t know how you’ve done it but it’s a relief to have him back.”

Maddy was touched to see that Adam really meant what he said, and she looked fondly over at Jonathan as she spoke. “I definitely can’t take all the credit, but I know what you mean. He’s still a little broken though, isn’t he?”

“He was,” Adam said. “But he’s much more back to his usual self now. You’ve worked your magic.”

“I thought you were supposed to be the magician?” she replied lightly. “Anyway, he’s getting there, I think. And I owe you a very large drink for putting us back in touch.”

Adam crudely raised his eyebrows at her, insinuation ripe in his gaze, not yet being fully aware of the burgeoning relationship situation he’d helped to create. 

She didn’t help him out by explaining anything, just smirked back at him and raised her glass in a ‘cheers’ motion.

Adam hadn’t held back and had booked them a table at one of the top restaurants in town, Joel Robuchon’s Atelier. It was inside the MGM Grand so, in a cheery state after a couple of cocktails each, their driver took them back down The Strip in the opposite direction from which Maddy and Jonathan had come only a couple of hours before.

It was the fanciest restaurant Maddy had ever been to, having been awarded three Michelin stars a few years previously but, much as she was impressed, she was glad they’d stopped for some food a few hours before, otherwise she was worried the portions would be too tiny to fill them up. She needn’t have fretted though; as they made their way through the degustation, plate after plate was brought out to sate their appetites.

Over drinks, Charlie had already accosted Maddy with a multitude of questions about the mysteries in her books and she continued to do so at dinner. Although he wouldn’t admit it, Maddy could see that Jonathan was a little put out that Charlie didn’t direct any questions about their cases to him, which she delightedly exploited for a while, but finally decided to change the subject.

“So come on,” she said to Charlie. “Enough about our grisly tales, what about you? Where’s that accent from? Adam’s home town?”

Charlie was once again on the back foot, evidently having no idea Adam’s American accent wasn’t real. “What do you mean? I’m from Glasgow.”

“Ah. Wrong coast of Scotland then, isn’t it Adam?” cajoled Maddy as she saw him prepare his denial, and saw Jonathan try to stifle a laugh beside her. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Adam countered, looking loftily at her with a glint in his eye.

She decided to let it go, simply smirking at him before she turned back to Charlie. “I went out with a guy from Glasgow once. He was gorgeous but I couldn’t understand a word he said. There are only so many times you can ask someone to repeat themselves before it gets awkward.”  

“Pardon?” asked Jonathan cheekily, raising a laugh around the table.

The wine match which came with each course was proving Jonathan’s theory about the drunken state of the evening and they progressed into noisier and more riotous chat as each course was served. Adam fondly watched the Maddy-Jonathan double act in action as they each showed off their caustic wit and gave as good as they got, obviously relishing each other’s company. He hoped against all hopes that this time the pair of them would make it work.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

As the group walked merrily back to the car after dinner, Jonathan reached out and took hold of Maddy’s hand as if it was an everyday occurrence. Surprised by the action and having never taken him as a PDA type of person, Maddy nevertheless curled her fingers around his and looked over at him, smiling brightly as he returned her gaze.

Walking slightly behind them, Adam raised his eyebrows and gave a sly glance to Charlie, nodding at their joined hands. Somehow, he miraculously managed to keep his mouth shut and didn’t say anything to jeopardise the moment.

They drove back up The Strip, forcing the driver to let them out at the Bellagio fountains and circle around so that Maddy could see them all lit up for the night-time show, and for Charlie to see them for the first time. In his relaxed state and continuing to try not to second guess himself, Jonathan stood behind Maddy and wrapped his arms around her as they watched, his chin resting lightly against her hair.

Adam watched the pair of them instead of the show, wondering what on earth was happening but delighted to see it.

When they finally made it back to the Encore, Adam made a beeline for the blackjack tables and found an empty one, taking a seat. He preferred to start with a fresh deck than join a table that was already in play. Charlie slid into the stool to his left, also keen to play. 

“Madeline?” queried Adam, indicating the seat next to him.

“God, no. I’d have no idea what I was doing. I’m happy to watch.”

“She takes enough gambles with the way she drives,” joked Jonathan.

“Says the man who doesn’t even have a license,” retorted Maddy.

Jonathan raised an eyebrow at her and she turned to face him as his insinuation hit home.

“No! You learnt to drive?”

He nodded in confirmation. “Now I’ll never have to sit in your passenger seat again.”

She looked at him in astonishment, too surprised to even pretend to be offended, then teased, “Of all the things you’ve told me recently, that is by far the most shocking.”

“Come on, Jonathan,” interrupted Adam, waiting alongside Charlie for the dealer to start. “Are you playing or not?”

Jonathan looked to Maddy to see if she minded if he played, and she encouraged him to join them. “Just a few hands,” he promised her as he got his wallet out and pulled out two fifty-dollar bills.

She got a thrill out of watching them, even if she wasn’t completely up to speed with how the game worked when it got to the seemingly complicated areas of doubling or splitting the cards.

Of the three players, Charlie was obviously the most skilled, and it turned out that when she was younger she’d been a dealer at the casino in Glasgow when she was trying to make ends meet as a magician herself. She’d got herself fired when she’d practised one too many card tricks on the customers, messing up the deck along the way. She whispered tips to Adam when it looked like he was going to do the wrong thing, and as a result he had more success than he would have if left to his own devices. On Charlie’s part it was a completely selfish decision to help him out because the more he stuck to the rules rather than making rash decisions, the more she would benefit too.

Jonathan was up to six hundred dollars profit at one point and Maddy was surprised to note that his usually cautious nature was in short supply while he was playing. Each time he won a hand he’d increase his bet on the following one, only dropping back down when he lost. It was a tactic that seemed to pay dividends for him, although he suddenly hit a run of bad luck which saw his pot dwindle down to four hundred dollars before he saw sense and threw in the towel, happily taking his winnings.

“When did you learn to play like that?” asked Maddy after they headed off to sit at the bar nearby, taking their drinks with them.

“Adam used to drag me along to the casino in London. It was back when the dealers still shuffled by hand so I took it upon myself to try to learn to card count. You can’t do that anymore with those electronic machines, but I learned the mechanics of the game along the way.”

She asked him to explain how card counting actually worked, having never understood it herself, and he tried to get across the basics, but at the mention of maths and probability, she realised the alcohol she’d imbibed was not going to be her friend on this particular occasion.

“Nope, it’s no good. You’ve lost me completely,” she admitted. “Poker was always my game of choice anyway.”

“Poker!” he exclaimed, laughing. “You’d have to have the worst poker face of anyone I’ve ever met.”

“How very dare you!” she said in mock protest. “You’ve seen me in action. I can pull the wool over anyone’s eyes.”   

“Not a chance. I’d be able to read you in a heartbeat.”

“Oh, would you? So what am I thinking right now?”

“I didn’t say I was a mind-reader,” he countered. Then, seeing the heat in her eyes and the teasing smile on her lips, he continued with a smile of his own. “On second thought, I think I might be beginning to see…”

His sentence was cut short as Maddy leaned over and kissed him, effectively shutting him up, before pulling back slightly. “I’ve been wanting to do that for hours,” she said. Heart thumping in her chest, she used her thumb to wipe a smudge of her lipstick from his lower lip then asked her next question with as much nonchalance as she could muster. “Shall we head upstairs?”

Jonathan’s face achieved that ‘startled fieldmouse’ expression that she found so endearing before it settled into something between determination and desire, nodding at her in confirmation. They each took a final sip of their drink and stood up to go, pausing back at the blackjack table to say their goodnights to Adam and Charlie who were both still going strong in the game.

Maddy laced her fingers through his as they walked towards the bank of lifts and queried only “my room?” with him once they were inside, eliciting another nod and a squeeze of her hand before she swiped her keycard and pressed the button for her floor. They then found themselves crushed in the back corner behind a group of twenty-something Americans, stereotypically loud and brash, who were vocal about heading back up to their room to pre-load some more before going back out to see a star DJ who was in town for the night at one of the clubs. It was a relief to have them leave the elevator a few floors below theirs and they shared a laugh with another couple who’d been pressed into the opposite corner, forced to listen to the testosterone-fuelled peacocking of the group.

Maddy let go of Jonathan’s hand to unlock the room door then made for the bathroom, kicking off her heels en route with a sigh, promising she wouldn’t be long. Unsure what to do with himself, he walked to the windows and looked down at the incredible view the room afforded of The Strip lit up like a Christmas tree.

He thought back over the last few months and couldn’t quite believe how he’d managed to get here after the darkness of his post-divorce weeks spent in voluntary solitude at the windmill. He realised that, if not for Adam, he might still be wallowing in his misery, and he most certainly wouldn’t have Maddy back in his life. For all the times he’d complained that Adam had taken advantage of him, he had to admit that he now owed him as much as the magician had ever taken, and they were very much even. It was a good feeling to realise that Adam obviously valued their friendship more than he’d ever thought, and he vowed to himself that he’d make sure to maintain it, regardless of their future working relationship.

His mind returned to the woman in the other room, in disbelief that things had come so far so quickly with Maddy, but grateful beyond belief that they had. He could no longer deny the feelings that had been buried inside him for over a decade. It had been easier to try to forget, to turn away from them every time they surfaced, and slowly over time he’d trained himself not to think about her and to avoid facing up to the bad decisions he’d made. Yet now that she was back in his life again, he recognised exactly what had been missing for all these years. It was no wonder he’d allowed his life to take the course it had; he just hadn’t cared enough to change it when she was no longer part of it. It was a chilling realisation to acknowledge that he could have continued on through life without her, without feeling properly alive ever again.

God, she was luminous to him, lighting up any room and making everybody else completely insignificant. It had been that way since the moment he’d first seen her. He remembered with a smile the spark of understanding between them when he’d dropped Adam’s gift off at Francesca’s house, and the subsequent pull to stare only at her instead of the half-naked blonde model in front of his eyes. He wanted to smack his head against the thick glass windows for the lack of sense he’d had for all this time, and he determined to make up for it as much as he possibly could.

“What are you smiling about?” queried Maddy, appearing beside him and pulling him out of his thoughts.

“You,” he admitted, reaching an arm around her waist and pulling her close to him. “I was thinking about when we first met.”

“What? When I coerced you into lunch at that restaurant by the market?”

“Then tortured me with raw onion rings?”

She smiled guiltily and wrapped her arm across his back, cuddling into him as he shook his head.

“No. Before that,” he continued. “At Francesca’s house. Adam up to his old tricks with yet another woman. You clocked it without ever having met him. I knew immediately that I needed to get to know you.”

“I thought you couldn’t wait to get away from me,” she said, surprised.

“Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t know what to make of you,” he teased. “But you were so…” he stopped, not knowing what word to use and not wanting to go over the top, but then he realised if not now, then when? “…intoxicating,” he finished, cheeks reddening as he felt her eyes staring up at him, stunned by the revelation.

“I wish you’d said something,” she said ruefully.

“I wish you’d said something,” he countered.

“I did,” she said, causing him to look at her sharply, needing her to explain, and she looked back at him sheepishly, wrinkling her nose at her admission. “Only then I realised I’d pulled the phone cable out of the wall and you hadn’t heard what I’d said.”

Jonathan’s eyes grew wide and Maddy carried on. “Do you remember that phone call? When you confronted me about Trevor?”

He gave a low chuckle and an amused eye roll as he realised what she meant. “I thought you’d hung up on me.”

Maddy shook her head. “He was packing up all his stuff to leave at the same time as you were accusing me of leading you on…”

“Which you were,” baited Jonathan.

“Because I was interested in you, not just because I wanted you to help me with the case!” she argued. “Anyway, I started to tell you that, but somehow I managed to pull the cable out of the socket and that was that. I spent so much time wondering if things would have been different if we’d finished that conversation.” 

“Along with all the other conversations we never had,” he reminded her.

“True,” she agreed. “We’re useless.” She snaked her right arm across his stomach to link with her left hand and sighed, leaning in again to rest her head on his shoulder.

“What about this time?” he asked softly, turning her fully to face him and encircling his other arm around her.

The early attraction from those very first encounters had never dissipated and Maddy’s stomach flipped at his closeness. “This time is different,” she said decisively. 

“Are you sure?” Jonathan asked the question with more than a hint of fear in his voice, knowing for certain that he couldn’t see a path forward without her in his life.

She nodded, absolutely clear that the future she wanted was standing in front of her. The confidence of knowing where she stood with him for the first time ever in their lives was a revelation. Whether it was just that or, more likely, that mixed with the passing of time and experience, plus the confidence of alcohol, she found that it was a hundred times easier now to say what she was thinking.

She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his body closer to hers and looking deeply into his eyes. “This is what we are, Jonathan. If we’re spending time together, this…” she gestured between them at their closeness, “…is always going to happen. It’s inevitable.”

“Oh, really?” He smiled, moving his face imperceptibly closer to her, a lock of his hair tickling her cheek as his arms tightened around her waist. “I suppose we’d better keep spending time together then, hadn’t we?”

He dipped his head and gave her a soft kiss, full of emotion and promise.

Maddy kissed him back with just as much feeling then looked back into his eyes, honest and determined. “I’m not going to let you go just when I’ve found you again.”

Jonathan faltered, questioning again how he’d managed to get everything so wrong a decade earlier. He spoke firmly then. “Neither am I.”

She touched her lips to his again and felt a bolt of pure electricity run through her body. He deepened the kiss and she unconsciously moved one hand up to tangle in his hair, drawing him tighter against her as she opened her mouth to his.

Jonathan’s hands roamed across her body and as his touch shifted from light caress to firmer pressure, she let out a soft moan. The breathy way she then sighed his name into his mouth nearly made him come undone right there.

With huge difficulty, Jonathan broke away to say something else, hands resting at Maddy’s waist, waiting while she stopped following his lips with hers. He fixed her with a serious expression and brought one hand up to gently cup her cheek, ensuring she was looking into his eyes as he spoke.

“It was always you.”

His words caused her to stop breathing for a moment as she took in their meaning. Not trusting herself to speak, Maddy understood that he was laying bare his soul to her, and she believed him without question as he held her gaze. The smile she then gave him lit up the room and she leaned back in to kiss him deeply before taking his hand to lead him to the bedroom.

***************

Maddy knew that Jonathan had always been an early riser and supposed he still would be, so when she awoke the next morning, she was surprised to see that he was still sound asleep beside her.

She had to remind herself this wasn’t a dream and that last night and the past few weeks had actually been real life. It was overwhelming to have spent so many years wishing for this to happen, to finally have felt that she’d come to terms with the fact that it hadn’t, only to wake up and find herself lying beside Jonathan all these years later, confident in both of their feelings and a future together.

She watched him sleeping for a while, his face relaxed and open, before her bladder insisted she pay attention to it instead.

She half-expected him to have woken up by the time she slid back into bed, having also brushed her teeth and cleaned off the remnants of her make-up, but he remained deep in slumber. He stirred slightly and extended an arm to draw her close, and she cuddled back in against his body, reaching the fingers of her right hand up to trace lightly across his face, memorising the contours before pressing a light kiss to his nose.

She couldn’t deny being scared out of her wits by how fast things had moved from when they’d first got back in touch only a few short weeks before. If this had happened so quickly over a decade ago, she knew that her own fears of facing her emotions and opening herself up to rejection and abandonment would have seen her flee from him instantly. Of course, now she had three years of complicated history and more than a decade of regret to inform her. So instead of giving into those feelings of fear, she ran through a gratitude list of her therapists in her head, acknowledging how far she’d come since then. She knew there was still a long way to go and that she’d need Jonathan’s support and patience to work through the insecurities which were sure to rear their ugly heads, but the fact that she recognised that, and knew she could be vulnerable enough now to ask for those things, was what gave her hope and certainty.

Life had dealt her so many blows and convinced her that she was somehow broken and unworthy of a partner, and she couldn’t quite believe that she was getting a second chance. Pressing a kiss to Jonathan’s forehead, she silently promised herself that she was going to do everything in her power to hold on to it. To him. 

The kiss roused him from his sleep and his eyes opened blearily. She watched him take in his surroundings, warmth pooling in his eyes as he saw Maddy beside him. She looked at him with a neutral expression and spoke first. “Well, we finally did it…again.”

“Yep,” he replied, recognising her echo of the morning after the first time they’d slept together, a tiny spark of fear igniting around his heart in case she’d decided last night had been a mistake.  

She broke into a smile, blue eyes sparkling. “Lots more fireworks this time around.”

He relaxed, smiling back, and raised his eyebrows at her, pulling her tighter against him as she let out a squeal. Bodies pressed together, mouth close to hers, he spoke, his voice still rough with sleep. “We’ll definitely be doing it again.”

She grinned and leaned in to meet him in a searing kiss, planning to make that a reality with immediate effect.

Chapter Text

EPILOGUE

TWO YEARS LATER

Jonathan’s car pulled up outside the windmill and he killed the engine, taking a moment to enjoy the silence before he got out to confront the chaos he expected would be waiting for him. Instead of heading inside, he made his way around the side of the mill and into the garden where a young man spotted him immediately and made a beeline to ask him a question.

The usually empty lawn now contained two big trestle tables laid out at right angles on either side of the wishing well, one laden with food and the other with a makeshift bar. Fairy lights and lanterns had been hung around the trees to light the space when darkness fell later. There were a few tables and chairs dotted around if people wanted to sit to eat or chat, and plenty of space to mingle. In fairness, it wasn’t as hectic as Jonathan had been expecting, and the guys from the local pub had it all in hand, the food having been delivered by a local chef while he’d still been in town. Thankfully, the weather was also playing nice with warm sunshine and only a handful of cloud wisps visible in the sky.  

He glanced at his watch and figured he had about fifteen minutes before the others started to arrive, so he made his way indoors to do a quick tidy up because people would need to go through the house to use the bathroom. Picking up multiple items of clothing and shoes from the furniture and stairs, he made his way up to the main bedroom and then to the very top floor to drop all of his discoveries in an unceremonious pile on each of the beds, despairing that tidiness was not a virtue maintained by either of the Magellan females in his life.

It had been three months since Maddy and Sophie had made the big move across the Pond, and it had been a period of transition for all of them, not without its challenges, especially considering the limited floor space of the windmill. Jonathan had completely cleared out the box room at the top of the house which had been his bedroom as a child – the mill stones having been removed years earlier - but over the years had become more of a storage room, and that had allowed Sophie a space to make her own. Fitting in all of Maddy’s belongings on top of his own had been an even bigger struggle and they’d each had to compromise on some objects in order to avoid total overcrowding in the small space. Although Maddy had sold all her furniture before the move, boxes were still piled up in the outbuilding where at some point they planned to undertake a full conversion to build a whole new living area; until then, they’d simply have to live with the space they had available to them.

They’d both known that the windmill would be their eventual home at some point in the future, but there had been some deliberation about where they’d initially settle, especially because Jonathan had spent as much of the previous year and a half in Washington as he could, so he’d got to know the city fairly well. It would have made sense to stay there, not needing to unsettle Sophie from her schooling or Maddy from her job, and being relatively near to Jonathan’s parents in Philadelphia, everyone having benefited from that newfound closeness. But then, towards the end of a three-week visit to England over Sophie’s school summer holidays, Maddy had realised just how much she’d missed feeling like she actually properly ‘belonged’ somewhere, and that feeling of homesickness refused to leave her on their return to the US. She worried that she’d then be taking away from Sophie exactly what she was trying to regain for herself, but Sophie had been the one pushing hard for the move from the outset, entranced at the idea of living in a windmill and close to both Selhurst Park and Wimbledon, not to mention getting to wear a school uniform. Maddy had tried to persuade her of the humdrum reality but Sophie had settled in easily on their trips across, and was absolutely thrilled when they’d told her that they’d be making the move permanently.

Maddy had also had to admit to herself that it was time to stop running away. She’d left England at the two lowest points in her life: the first after her mum took her own life, and the second after Jonathan broke her heart. It had taken her three years to make it back the first time around, without really having confronted what she’d needed to. She’d stayed away much longer this time and whilst she’d worked hard on herself in that time and was in a much better place than before, she’d also realised that in order to really confront everything else that was deeply buried, she needed to go home. The difference was that this time, she knew she’d have Jonathan’s support to help her work through it all.

There had been one major wobble when the pair had been called on to solve a locked room murder on the outskirts of D.C. and their old bickering and oneupmanship had come to the fore. It had been quite a revelation for both of them to discover how much that dynamic of smug, introverted mystery solver and frustrated yet personable investigator brought out their bad qualities in opposition to each other. For the good of their relationship, they’d vowed to steer clear of collective mystery solving for the foreseeable future.

Doing a final sweep of the bathroom – just how many bottles of nail polish did a 10-year-old need? – Jonathan heard a car beeping as it pulled up outside, swiftly followed by an over-excited squeal, “Grandma!”

Sophie had spent the day at the neighbours, and Jonathan surmised that she must have arrived on foot with Anna and Martin and their daughter Lilah at the same time as the car pulled up containing Maddy and his parents. Sally and David had only flown in that morning, having taken the red eye overnight, and so far had only had the chance to see the adults.

Jonathan made his way outside just in time to see Sophie flinging herself at his mum for a bone-crushing hug, then repeating the same with his dad. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get over the tightening in his chest at seeing how happy his parents were to have a grandchild to lavish with love and attention, having never thought they’d be gifted the opportunity. Catching Maddy’s eye and sharing a smile with her, he knew she felt similarly, having never thought that her daughter would know what it was to have grandparents or any extended family.

Maddy made her way over to him and gave him a quick kiss. “Everything under control?”

He nodded. “Yep. They’ve done a great job. Let’s get everyone into the garden before any more cars turn up.”

As he spoke, another car drove up the lane and pulled in, revealing Adam and Charlie, plus an unknown blonde woman who looked very unlike one of Adam’s usual conquests, leaving them to look inquisitively at each other.

The mystery was soon solved when they all said their hellos and Charlie introduced the woman as her girlfriend, Rachel. “Adam did tell you she was coming, right? I told him to ask if it was ok.”

Maddy covered up for Adam’s usual lack of attention and assured her that, of course, Adam had let them know and, of course, it was no problem.

“So how did it go today?” queried a grateful Adam to Maddy.

“I can’t wait to read it,” added Charlie.

“It went really well, thanks. Enthusiastic crowd,” replied Maddy, then turned to Charlie. “I’ll grab you a copy – there’s a few in the car.”

“Och, that’s not what I meant. I’m happy to pay for it,” said Charlie, horrified it looked like she was sponging a free copy of Maddy’s new book.

“Don’t be silly. At least I know you’ll actually read it, unlike most of the so-called celebrities who were there.”

In preparation for the big move, Maddy had taken a step back from writing as many in-depth articles as before, and she’d taken the opportunity to consider what she really wanted to do career-wise. She was in the privileged position of being able to write as many or as few articles as she wanted for the Washington Post, and they’d agreed that she could write British- and European-focused stories once she moved back to England. She’d also decided that, after years of good, old-fashioned journalistic graft, it would be nice to try her hand at fiction, and what better to write than an impossible crime mystery. With Jonathan on hand to act as her creative consultant for the mystery itself, she built up a cast of characters and used her experience of real-life criminals, police and bystanders caught in the crosshairs to construct her story world. Her wit and humour added an extra layer to the tale and the book poured out of her much more quickly than she’d anticipated. Once it was completed, Barry found that for the second time in his career as an agent – and with the same author, no less – he had a bidding war on his hands between different publishers.

The book launch earlier that afternoon had been a lavish affair at the Ham Yard Hotel with champagne flowing and a who’s who of British arts media in attendance. The publishers had pulled out all the stops in anticipation of one of the year’s biggest sellers, and Maddy’s introduction and speech charmed everyone with her jokes and self-deprecation. Watching from the right-hand side of the crowd, Jonathan’s brain had delivered a whisper of a memory from years before when Barry had told him ‘she makes it look easy, but it hasn’t been’, and he was filled with admiration and pride for her.

When they’d realised that Sally and David’s visit was going to line-up with the book launch, they’d decided to hold a small gathering at the mill after the event, inviting a few of their friends and family who’d been there earlier in the day, and others who hadn’t. It seemed a perfect time to finally host a housewarming of sorts, albeit in a house that had been in the family for generations but had recently welcomed a couple of new members to the fold.

It wasn’t long before Barry and Jason appeared, Barry having had to stay a little longer to schmooze with the last of the stragglers at the book launch. As soon as Sophie spotted them, she ran over to give them a hug and pulled them indoors to show them her bedroom and the rest of the windmill. Although Barry had heard and read about the mill, this was the first time he’d actually seen it in real life. He was happy to see that it lived up to his considerable expectations, and grateful to get the full tour from Sophie.

Two more sets of friends from the village arrived soon after, followed by a couple of Jonathan and Adam’s old theatre colleagues, and the garden filled up with chatter and laughter, with soft music drifting from a speaker system that had been rigged up outside.

Sally was delighted to see her old friend Ingrid Strange arrive and rushed over to greet her, immediately falling into a deep conversation as if they’d only seen each other yesterday. Through their chatter, they made their way over to Jonathan and Maddy for Ingrid to say her hellos.

“Well, it’s about time, you two,” Ingrid reprimanded, with a gleam in her eye.

“Should have just listened to you in the first place, shouldn’t we?” replied Maddy with an embarrassed smile, happy to see her still looking healthy and spritely after all these years.

“In general, the rule is that Ingrid is always right,” interjected Sally with a smile.

“Well, unfortunately Jonathan didn’t make that quite clear enough at the time.”

“He always was a little slow on the uptake when it came to women,” needled Sally.  

“Yes, alright,” replied Jonathan with an eye roll. “I’ve already got that message loud and clear, thank you. I don’t need all three of you ganging up on me.”

“And we got there in the end,” placated Maddy, putting her arm around Jonathan’s waist and giving him a squeeze.

“Your mum’s been telling me about all these exciting films you’ve been working on?” queried Ingrid.

“Oh. Yes. Well, it came about after that big Las Vegas trick I set up for Adam. A few people got in touch wanting my input,” Jonathan replied.

“He’s being modest, as usual,” interjected Maddy. “He could have had his pick of working with any magician in the world. And then Hollywood came calling, along with all these independent production companies. It’s amazing.”

Jonathan had to silently agree that it had all worked out very well indeed. He’d been worried that his first big illusion after his hiatus wouldn’t garner much attention, or would be considered too passé, but it had grabbed headlines around the world, and the phone simply hadn’t stopped ringing from that point on. Now he was in the enviable position of having an extremely well-paid day job as a magical consultant for high-profile films, TV shows and books, whilst also being able to dabble with his own illusions in his spare time, and he’d made it back into the elite inner Magic Circle in the process. He occasionally provided tricks and ideas to Adam, but he wasn’t bound to him, and that was just the way he liked it.

Jonathan and Maddy slowly made their separate ways around their guests, catching up on everyone’s lives and enjoying the relaxed party atmosphere coupled with the late summer sunshine.

While she was getting herself another drink Maddy noticed that Barry, Charlie and Ingrid had discovered each other’s accents and were congregating together as the official Scottish contingent of the party, and she pulled Jonathan aside for a chuckle when she saw Adam trying to ingratiate himself without giving away his actual heritage.

“Time to put the Proclaimers on? Come on…” urged Maddy, leading Jonathan over to the group, “this is too good to miss.”

Adam saw the calculating smirk on Maddy’s face as the couple made their way over and swiftly staged an intervention on his own behalf before she had a chance to say anything.

“Here come the happy couple. Speech! Speech!” clamoured Adam loudly, joined quickly by Barry, oblivious to the magician’s ulterior motive.

Maddy and Jonathan looked at each other as other voices joined in, and they realised one of them would have to say something.

“I’ve already done my speech for today,” Maddy excused herself. “Your turn.”

“Okay, okay,” conceded Jonathan, wrinkling his nose then continuing under his breath as he reached an arm out to keep her in place, “but you’re staying right here.”

They turned to face the now assembled group and he was surprised not to feel too nervous to speak as he saw all the smiles in front of him; not a single face in the small crowd who he wouldn’t want to be there.

“Hi,” he started with a self-deprecating smile. “I’m terrible at this sort of thing, as you all know, so I’ll keep it short. Thank you all for coming, it’s great to have you all here and…uh…” Jonathan floundered and looked to Maddy for some help, and she took up the mantle with an amused eye roll.

“What he’s trying to say is, it’s lovely to have all of you here.” She took hold of Jonathan’s hand and gave it a squeeze as she continued. “From the first moment I came here all those years ago, this place captured a piece of my heart, and I can’t quite believe I now get to call it home.” She smiled gratefully at Sally and David, acknowledging the history of the mill. “You’ve all played a part in our journey, and we want you to know you’re welcome here anytime.” She glanced at Jonathan then continued with a knowing smirk. “Well, maybe call first. He’s still a hermit underneath it all.” That got a laugh from the crowd along with an indignant look from Jonathan, and she lifted her glass into the air. “Cheers everyone.”

“Cheers!” called everyone as they raised their glasses towards the couple.  

“To Jonathan and Maddy,” called Adam, garnering a loud “About time!” from his new double act partner Barry.

At the same time as Barry spoke, Sophie and Lilah piped up cheekily from the side of the crowd: “And Sophie!”

“To Jonathan and Maddy and Sophie!” repeated the crowd with a laugh.  

The party continued late into the evening, lanterns and fairly lights turning on as the sky turned from light pink to deep purple, eventually fading to black as the stars burned brightly.

When Sophie conked out on a picnic blanket around 9.30pm, Jonathan gathered her up and carried her inside to bed, being careful not to knock any of her limbs against the narrow staircases on the way up to the top floor. He laid her down before picking up the pile of clothes he’d dumped on her bed earlier, shifting them on to a chair for now. Instead of fighting a losing battle with pyjamas, he simply took her shoes off then covered her with the duvet, pressing a goodnight kiss to the crown of her head before going back downstairs to join the others.

Slowly but surely the numbers dwindled until the last hangers on Barry, Jason, Adam, Charlie and Rachel all said their goodbyes and headed back to the city to continue their night with more drinks. The one remaining waiter from the pub promised to come back in the morning to help pack up, and he headed off down the lane towards home.

Jonathan and Maddy sighed in unison as they sank down together onto the outdoor sofa, and there was nothing but the soft sound of music keeping them company as they enjoyed the calm enveloping them.

“What a day!” exclaimed Maddy, feeling both happy and tired at the thought of everything that had happened, starting with picking up Sally and David from the airport and not stopping until this moment.

Jonathan reached an arm around her as she leaned against him and laid her head on his shoulder.

“Remind me never to listen to you again when you suggest doing two major events on the same day,” he mused, feeling exhausted by all the human interaction he’d had to undertake in a single 12-hour period.

“Yes, alright Leopard Man. But imagine we’d had the book launch today and then still had everyone coming over tomorrow. That’d be worse.”   

“True,” he admitted.

“Thank you though; I know it was a lot. You’ll need some time to refill your introvert cup. Oh!” she suddenly exclaimed.  “That reminds me. I got you something.” She got up and walked over to one of the trestle tables. From underneath, she retrieved a bag with her publisher’s name printed on the side. As she made her way back to him, she took the top book from a pile of many and handed it to him. “Just for you.”

He took it from her and looked a little perplexed. “This is your book,” he stated.

“Yes, I am aware of that. It’s not the book, per se, it’s what’s inside.”

He looked at it with a confused expression and she rolled her eyes, putting the bag and its contents down on the table beside them. “Open it,” she urged him gently.

Jonathan opened the front cover, then at Maddy’s insistence he flipped forwards two pages and saw the dedication that was written there:

For my comfy old sweatshirt, Jonathan.

Nobody does it better.

Surprise written all over his face, he stood up and took both of her hands in his.  

Not too long after their Las Vegas trip, she’d admitted to him that she’d sung that song just for him at the karaoke in New York, and it had quickly become a joke between them. Any time she was frustrated with him, he’d say “But I thought nobody does it better?” On occasion it garnered a less-than positive response and a swift realisation that he had misread the situation, but mostly it helped to alleviate whatever tension there was and they both ended up laughing. Each of them would also play the song at random times at home, and whenever they heard the first piano notes playing out, they’d search each other out and slow-dance around the room.  

“Comfy old sweatshirt?” he queried with a smile.

“You told me it was supposed to be a compliment,” she replied cheekily.

“It was,” he insisted.

“Well, that’s alright then, isn’t it?”

He shook his head incredulously with grudging admiration. “Only you would use a book dedication to try to win an argument 15 years after the fact.”

“I would do no such thing,” she said innocently. “It’s a compliment.”

He laughed then gave her hands a squeeze. ‘Thank you,” he said sincerely and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “For everything.”

She smiled and pulled him closer, wrapping her arms around his waist, closing her eyes and laying her head on his shoulder as his arms enveloped her. In all her hopes for their future back when they’d first reconnected, she hadn’t dared to think that it could become this. This unbreakable trust, this absolute certainty, this forever.  

“I love you,” she said softly.

Not a day went by where she didn’t tell him that she loved him, yet he still felt a jolt in his chest whenever she uttered the words. It felt more right than anything he’d ever known, and he counted his blessings every single time.

He knew there was no way that repeating those three little words back to her went any way towards communicating the depth of his feelings for her, but he supposed that until he could invent something which could show her just how much of his heart she’d captured, they’d have to do.

He sighed happily and tightened his hold on her. “I love you, too.”