Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Now, Kim Dokja is not saying that God hates him, but they do have a rather terrible relationship.

Not terrible as in, God looked at him one day and went “OMme! That’s one ugly baby” *boom* “I shall curse you with bad luck!”(though there is a chance that actually happened) but terrible as in one day, he accidentally bumped into God in a convenience store and angry at the lowly mortal blocking his Godly path, he decided to punish said mortal by repeatedly kicking him in the balls.

In this case the mortal was Kim Dokja, and the God was, well, GOD. 

Kim Dokja has gone through many things(horrible things if he may add) in his life, surely he deserves retaliating a bit in his own way, if that way just happens to be *cough* property damage *cough* nobody would say anything, right?

Hence Kim Dokja fed up with the bullshit the world decided to randomly toss at him again decided to steal a baseball bat from a child(the child was left unharmed, no need to worry), and (somehow)break the window of a public train and then proceed to jump off the train much to the horror of everyone involved in this situation.

*ahem* let’s backtrack a bit, now many of you may be wondering ‘what the heck is going on?’ 

Well you see it all started when Kim Dokja decided to wake up, a terrible decision if I may say so myself, and go to work, a worse decision if I may add, despite the fact that today was monday and nothing good ever happens on a monday, Kim Dokja like the idiot he was decided to ruin his chances of having a good day even further by deciding to read a web novel on his way to work.

Now, it is a common fact that it’s never a good idea to read a web novel in a public transport or while taking a walk, because there is always a 0.03% chance that you will end up dying and reincarnating into said web novel, which is not much but better safe than sorry. Unless you want to transmigrate… then do the exact opposite I guess.

The fact is Kim Dokja despite being aware of his Jet black luck decided to read a web novel about an apocalypse, on a train, and on a monday. 

You can imagine what the outcome was. Or you can't, I don't know. I am gonna spell it out anyway.

Sorry about the delay, so it was no surprise when due to Kim Dokja’s Jet black luck the universe itself got confused and instead of Dokja transmigrating into a novel he’s barely read a few word of(which would’ve been terrifying in itself) the opposite happened, the entire world of the novel transmigrated in Dokja’s reality instead.

Though this was the first time Kim Dokja had read this particular novel by the name of “Three ways to survive a ruined world” he’s always been an avid reader and is familiar with the ‘trashy web novel’ genre. 

Hence, when a fluffy creature introducing itself as a Dokkebi appeared out of thin air and started to announce what was probably the end of the world, Kim Dokja decided that he was in no way fit enough or smart enough to survive an apocalypse, especially one written by a underpaid trashy web novel writer. hence, he decided to end his pitiful life.

Upon making this(bad) decision Kim Dokja proceeded to snatch a metallic baseball bat out the hands of an unsuspecting teenager and continued to bash the window and as expected there was a hole in said window but not big enough for it to fit anyone.

Kim Dokja continued to bash the window.

He'd expected this, whatever method of keeping people trapped in here the Dokkebi was gonna use will not work until the said creature announces the scenario. So while the cute but definitely lethal ball of fur was busy being stunned Kim Dokja was able to create an opening big enough for him to go through.

Before the Dokkebi could realize what he was doing, Kim Dokja flipped off his middle finger towards the sky and to the top of his lungs yelled a “well, fuck you too God!” before jumping off the train and into the Han river. But not before giving his sort-of friend Yoo Sangha a sorrowful nod. 

Yoo Sangha on her part just looked horrified, confused and flabbergasted at the same time.

The last thing he remembers thinking is “I was going to go with drowning but being eaten by a huge sea monster also sounds RAD.”

***

The fourth mistake Kim Dokja made that day was waking up, again, but this time in a large monster’s mouth, while it was still monday.

“Kill me…” Kim Dokja groaned before flopping back onto whatever rubble he was lying on.

“You are a weird human.” Kim Dokja looked up to see a cute and fluffy creature of horrors staring at him. I would like to classify this as his fifth mistake of the day. Personally I think he should’ve just ignored him.

But as always instead of doing the more sensible thing he decided to stare back at the cute creature of horrors before groaning into his hands. 

“Go away, let me die in peace.”

[Constellation ‘Prisoner of the Golden headband’ finds this situation hilarious]

[1000 coins have been sponsored]

[Constellation ‘Scribe of heaven’ is worried about incarnation Kim Dokja’s mental health]

[700 coins have been sponsored]

[Constellation ‘Secretive Plotter’ is chuckling at this turn of events.]

[500 coins have been sponsored]

Kim Dokja peeked at his message log before sighing louder. “I wanna go home, I wanna die, I wanna eat Ramen…”

[Constellation ‘Prisoner of the Golden headband’ is tugging on his hair while cackling]

[500 coins have been sponsored]

“Human you have somehow failed both the first and second scenarios, how you did so I can’t comprihend but I have decided to spare your life. But for a price.”

“I don’t need that, just kill me.”

“...excuse me?”

“I said just kill me, I thought I was pretty straight forward with the wording…”

“So it wasn’t just an act to attract the constellation’s attention, you really want to die.”

“Yeah.” 

The fluffy creature of horrors just tilted his head onto one side, “Why?”

“You are cute so I will answer you, I was clearly not meant to live in an apocalypse, you know? I am weak and a bit stupid, might as well just die and spare myself the pain.”

Maybe it was Dokja’s words, maybe it was just a plot device but something about Kim Dokja reminded Bihyung of his own sufferings as a junior Dokkebi. He was looked down upon by his superiors and even among those of the same rank he was considered a weakling.

He wanted to just perish at many instances but he continued on, continued on despite the fact that no one including himself believed in him. Kim Dokja and him were the same.

“Dude why are you crying? Did I somehow offend you? You do look cute while crying though.”

[Constellation ‘Scribe of heaven’ has shed a single tear upon seeing this touching friendship.]

[3000 coins have been sponsored]

[Constellation ‘Secretive Plotter’ is worried about Constellation 'Scribe of heaven']

[200 coins have been sponsored]

[Constellation 'Prisoner of the golden headband’ is cackling maniacally]

[500 coins have been sponsored]

[Constellation ‘God of peace and destruction’ is amused by ‘incarnation Kim Dokja’]

[2000 coins have been sponsored]

[Constellation ‘Scribe of heaven’ politely greets Constellation ‘God of peace and destruction’]

[Constellation ‘God of peace and destruction’ has acknowledged Constellation ‘Scribe of heaven’s greeting]

[Constellation ‘Demon like judge of fire’ is feeling a bit overwhelmed by the presence of Constellation ‘Scribe and heaven’ and Constellation ‘God of peace and destruction’]

[Constellation ‘God of peace and destruction’ says that ‘it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes, such is life’]

[Constellation ‘Scribe of heaven’ agrees with …..

“By the way, can you turn off this chat like thing? It’s annoying.”

[Constellation 'Abyssal black flame dragon’ is offended by ‘incarnation Kim Dokja’s attitude]

[Constellation ‘God of peace and destruction’ says that ‘it’s only natural that young people have a bit more personality.']

[Constellation ‘Queen of the darkest spring’ agrees with Constellation ‘God of peace and destruction’]

“No seriously, please turn this off. I am getting a headache.”

[Chanel #BI-7623 has been closed]

“OH, thanks dude.”

“Incarnation Kim Dokja!” Kim Dokja looked up to see the cute tiny fluff of horror.

“Umm, yeah?”

“You can’t give up now!” the cute fluffy creature screamed in Kim Dokja’s direction while fat drops of tears were still running down his face.

“Okay?”

“Because” the cute fluffy creature of horror took a dramatic pause(or maybe he just wanted to blow his nose) “I am going to make you the best incarnation across the entirety of Star stream!”

“Huh?”

***

[Chanel #BI-7623 has been opened]

To Kim Dokja’s surprise, the fluffy creature of doom was actually pretty nice, for some reason the creature had assumed that Dokja was depressed(a correct assumption) and wanted to help him.

He gave Dokja a heartfelt and tear-full(it was literally full of tears) speech about how everyone deserved to live, a bit hypocritical if you ask the author, you know since he was comparing humans to insects just a few hours ago, and how Dokja was a nice person deserving of nice things.

He even explained many functions of the so-called ‘Star stream’ to Kim Dokja and even told him about a few loopholes that he could use. The guy even gave Dokja a beginner’s improvement pack for free(Dokja still isn’t sure if that’s legal).

At this point he would feel bad if he were to disappoint the little fluffy creature of doom.

“I really want to die.”

[Constellation ‘God of peace and destruction’ is saying that ‘death is but a social construct but this thought process does not seem healthy for a mortal to have.’]

“But I suppose it won’t hurt anyone if I were to live another day…”

[Constellation ‘Scribe of Heaven’ agrees with your statement]

[Constellation ‘Demon like judge of fire’ agrees with your statement]

[Constellation ‘Abyssal black flame dragon’ seeks blood and violence]

[Many Constellation agree with your statement]

[6000 coins have been sponsored]

[Constellation ‘Prisoner of the Golden headband’ is laughing maniacally]

[300 coins have been sponsored] 

“Haaa… I hope I am gonna get paid enough to deal with this”

[Constellation ‘God of peace and destruction’ does not think there is a need to use such profanities.]

[Constellation ‘God of peace and destruction’ supports your conviction]

Author’s spoiler: He does get paid enough to deal with this.

Chapter Text

Kim Dokja throughout his pitiful mortal life has never truly contemplated whether he enjoyed the art that was Arson. Not because it was morally reprehensible or anything like that, he simply didn’t want to test the availability and Quality of Wifi a modern day Korean prison provided.

Also the fact that he didn’t have the resources to commit such an act.

Personally I believe it was because of the lack of resources on his part, Kim Dokja’s office was still standing.

So it was no surprise when after being freed by the social convention set upon him and the threat of police on his head. He was tempted when coming across what could truly be classified as the RADDEST flamethrower he had ever set his eyes upon. It was also the first flamethrower he had ever set his eyes upon.

Plus the thing was only priced at 3000 coins, what was he supposed to do? Not buy it?

Moreover, if not using this, how was he even going to get out of a giant monster's stomach?

Through constructive planning?

What is that? Can you eat it???

[Constellation 'Abyssal black flame dragon’ is contended by Incarnation Kim Dokja’s taste in weapons]

[200 coins have been sponsored]

[Constellation ‘Scribe of heaven’ is worried about Constellation ‘Abyssal black flame dragon’s mental state]

[Constellation ‘Secretive Plotter’ does not believe this to be a good idea]

Secretive Plotter’s worries were completely reasonable, considering the fact that the stomach acid of Ichthyosaurs is considered to be one of the most flammable substances in Ways of Survival.

For, all the avid readers of WOS are sure to remember chapter 103, where convinced that he was a genius and the second most powerful person in this universe(the first was of course, Yoo Joonghyuk) Kim Namwoon(it’s always Kim Namwoon) decided to try and set fire to Han River in order to assert dominance against all the other mortals that dare defy him.

How the situation came to this or what was going through Kim Namwoon’s mind during the whole ordeal, I have no idea but let’s just say that he was called “the flaming sea” after this incident. After all, one must need a lot of power in order to completely destroy a river, right?

Wrong.

One only needed a 3000 coin flamethrower.

And what was considered to be more flammable than the stomach acid of Ichthyosaur I hear you asking? 

The answer is, the poisonous fog covering the Seoul Dome during the 3rd scenario of course.

***

Kim Dokja was brought in for questioning by the senior Dokkebis for the so-called “Arson” incident. He would deny his involvement with the case profusely.

Of course nobody, including the author, would believe him(Considering the fact that they caught the start of this whole debacle on live camera) but since he'd just become the most famous Incarnation in the entirety of the Star stream, they had to let him go with a warning.

Kim Dokja was later spotted contemplating the legality of committing Arson during an Apocalypse.

Needless to say, He was declared Abyssal Black flame dragon’s favorite human after this.

***

For the lack of a better word, this regression was… odd.

Over his life he has gotten used to minor inconsistencies that are meant to occur due to his interference(Hell he’s gotten used to the planet exploding due to his interference). Hence he had made it a priority to always be vigilant to his surroundings no matter the situation.

This was his 1864th regression. He was expecting a lot of things.

 He didn’t expect half of Seoul dome to spontaneously combust into flames while Kim Namwoon stood next to him looking a bit too innocent for his own good.

“Holy Shit…” Lee Jihey croaked out.

Yoo Joonghyuk agreed with the statement.

Holy Shit indeed.

He was not ready to face Kim Namwoon 2.0

***

Kim Dokja and Jung Heewon, since they first met, got along like a house on fire. That of course means that they became the best of friends on their first meeting.

Though the meeting circumstances in itself were truly terrible.

Kim Dokja just released from the Dokkebi bureau, currently high on adrenaline, the thrill of one-upping authorities and the fumes of whatever Mass producing master had put in their flamethrowers to make them so potent, came across what seemed like a fragile lady about to be assaulted by what looked like classic cringey cannon fodder thugs.

At this point high out of his mind, Kim Dokja didn’t have enough sanity left in him to contemplate the morality of killing a horrible human and the potential of redemption in every creature. Hence, he took out his flame thrower and shot a hole through one of the thugs. While subconsciously emulating Joker’s “We live in a society” speech.

While passing the metal bat he had stored in his inventory earlier to the so-called ‘fragile’ lady. The said lady decided to put the weapon at good use by using it as a tool for what would’ve been considered murder in a saner world.

By the time Kim Dokja had come to his senses, he was sitting inside a convenient store eating chocolate, there was a blanket draped over him and a woman he’d never seen leaning against him.

So of course, the first thing that left his mouth was, “who are you? Do we know each other.” and due to the lingering effects of his drunken stupor the second thing that came out of his mouth was “Are you the Hokage?”

To his intense relief, the lady chose not to comment on his latter statement, though the look that she gave him did make him feel a bit mentally challenged. 

“My name is Jung Heewon” she took a dramatic pause and looked Kim Dokja in the eyes, “I’m your Bisexual best friend.”

Kim Dokja almost died by choking on a chocolate.

After listening to the whole story, Kim Dokja decided that fighting cliche bad guys together totally seemed like the only reasonable way to attain a bisexual best friend. Aside from accidently summoning a demon together.

To celebrate their new friendship, Kim Dokja decided to buy Heewon a flamethrower as well.

[Constellation ‘Scribe of heaven’ finds this companionship to be a bit dangerous]

[Constellation ‘God of peace and destruction’ agrees with Constellation ‘Scribe of heaven’]

[Constellation 'Abyssal black flame dragon’ wholeheartedly supports this friendship]

[1000 coins have been sponsored]

[Constellation ‘Prisoner of golden headband’ is barely holding back laughter]

[300 coins have been sponsored]

***

Kim Dokja had never considered himself to be particularly into men, that being said he’s never considered himself to be particularly into women either.

To be perfectly honest, ever since Kim Dokja was a child the concept of love and attraction had always somewhat confused him, he wasn’t asexual per say(or maybe he was, who knows?). He simply didn’t feel like he had the luxury to think about his sexuality.

By the age of 20 Kim Dokja, still a bit confused by human social conventions and already full of resentment toward the world, all the creatures in said world and especially himself. Decided that he was not going to contemplate the question of his sexuality until he was finally in a more comfortable situation.

By that he meant on his deathbed.

Geumho station, no matter how shitty it looked, certainly didn’t seem to have the potential of becoming Kim Dokja’s deathbed. 

Why then… was he having a massive gay panic attack right now? 

Kim Dokja two seconds away from a breakdown promptly decided that his subconscious after years of torment had finally turned against him, hence the impromptu hallucination and/or he was still having after effects from the ‘arson’ incident.

Because he refuses to believe that a human could look like that, hell he doubts an angel could manage to look like that. Maybe the guy was a God.

Was God offended because Kim Dokja told them to fuck themselves earlier, hence they came here to personally end him? Was Kim Dokja even worth that effort?

Kim Dokja was about to set this entirely ridiculous idea aside, then he remembered, today was monday. 

Anything. no matter how ridiculous. Can AND will happen on a monday.

Heewon, bless her soul, noticed something was wrong and started to approach him, but it was too late for him, since Kim Dokja had already made eye contact with his (very handsome) doom. 

And OH MY SATAN what are those TITS?! Are they even allowed to be that big?!?!

Isn’t this supposed to be a PG 13 story?!!?!?!

The handsome stranger who was probably God in disguise here to kill him, took a step in his direction.

Kim Dokja promptly fainted.

Chapter Text

Dokja accidentally adopted two kids. Okay that was a lie, Kim Dokja accidentally won one kid and one Yoo Sangah by beating king Yama of Narka in a Battle of drinking.

Now, many of you might be thinking, “how the hell did we get here???” or something along those lines.

I would ask those of you to kindly mind your language, also Kim Dokja is the one currently in Hell(well a version of it) not us.

You see it all started when Kim Dokja woke up on a monday(yes, it was a bad decision, we’ve already established that) during an apocalypse. But this time something was different, not only did he wake up on a monday, he woke up on a monday in the lap of the most handsome dude he’s ever seen. 

Like- hello, star stream, why arrange an apocalypse when you can just Kidnap this guy, force him to do modeling for you and become a billionaire, trillionaire or whatever. 

But seriously, is someone allowed to look like that? Kim Dokja was pretty sure it was some sort of universal rule that only God and overpowered harem protagonists of trashy webnovels were allowed to look like that-

And that was the moment when Kim Dokja decided to use the (admittedly flawed) common sense he had and came to the (very wrong) conclusion that. Yeah, this guy was probably an overpowered harem protagonist of this trashy web novel he was stuck in. cool.

Now, upon having such a realization a normal person would probably go through the five stages of grief, start questioning life and spiral into an identity crisis, thinking something along the lines of “am I a canon fodder” and “Is it gay to be attracted to a protagonist? When they are just programmed to be attractive to everyone?”(then again, one can argue that a normal person would never reach such an utterly flabbergasting conclusion in the first place.)

But as we already know, Kim Dokja was not one of those ‘normal people’ hence, he decided that the only acceptable course of action in this situation was to steal the(very surprised) protagonist’s first kiss(at least he was hoping that was his first kiss), stealing the main female lead's halo along with it, and then kill himself in order to complete this ceremony. hoping that using this luck he would transmigrate into a child rearing novel as a northern duke’s youngest daughter(Or Dumbledore, he won’t mind either way).

of course him being the gracious guy he is, he decided to donate his flame thrower to a just cause before doing so(a.k.a leaving it for Heewon, may the arsonist bros live on within her)

He even made sure to leave behind a very tearful “we were never meant to be…” before dying, just to solidify his position as the main female lead(he'd even used the special effect prop he'd bought earlier to surround himself with red sparkling roses).

The protagonist just looked confused beyond belief during this whole ordeal.

 I know that many of you are probably questioning Kim Dokja’s sanity right now, but I personally would like to say that this had the potential to be quite a brilliant plan(If we ignore the fact that Yoo Joonghyuk, though overpowered, was never a harem protagonist to begin with). But being the idiot he is, Kim Dokja forgot two things, one: the endings of the main female protagonist in apocalyptic harem novels are always tragic, two: Star stream being the coin hungry capitalist nightmare it was, it was obviously going to exploit its incarnations even in death.

And that’s how Kim Dokja ended up in ‘Narka’ the underworld of Hindu Mythology and a sub-nebula connected to both ‘Vedas’ and ‘Mitra’

Was he disappointed by the fact that he was not reincarnated into an unreasonably rich northern Duke’s youngest magical daughter with three brothers who would pamper him and a crown prince who would make him his queen with minimal effort. Or the fact that he wasn't a super powerful gay wizard that practically ruled the world of Harry Potter and had his own Phoenix? Yes, yes he was. Was he disappointed by the prospect of having to work even in death? Yes, he very much was. Was he sad that he couldn't burn down hell since it was already on fire? He was pretty fucking sad.

But like the reasonable adult he was, he was gonna deal with it.

That was until the guard took out tomatoes. 

Now, Kim Dokja is a very reasonable man, the most reasonable even. He would’ve been understanding if the guy'd took out medieval torture devices or threw him in a pot of boiling oil. No hard feelings, he’s not gonna be an ass and stop the guy from doing his job.

But the guy decided to take this a bit too far.

What was he supposed to do? Sit down and eat the tomatoes? 

For a moment he did contemplate if it was worth it, was he really going to start a rebellion over tomatoes? Was he gonna oppose a probably Narrative grade constellation in his own turf just because he didn’t want to eat his tomatoes?

[A story is slowly starting to bloom]

Was he really going to be the unreasonable one?

[Story ‘Chaos in my veins’ has started to sing]

Yes, yes he was.

***

Okay, in hindsight. Starting a rebellion because he didn’t want to eat tomatoes was not worth it.

[Constellation 'Prisoner of the golden headband’ is ripping out his hair while cackling]

[Constellation ‘Prisoner of the golden headband’ has decided to buy a permanent subscription for this channel]

[Constellation ‘Prisoner of the golden headband’ has donated 10000 coins]

[Constellation 'Secretive Plotter’ wonders if he’s in a fever dream]

[Constellation ‘Queen of the darkest spring’ is very, very, very amused by this situation]

Honestly he didn’t mind the rebellion itself, he just didn't think that dealing with two narrative grade and one myth grade constellation was worth it.

[I didn’t want you to kill yourself when I said “Death is a social construct” little one]

“I know… I didn’t mean to do it! It just sort of happened…”

Well, he’s kinda thankful that one of the viewers of his channel(it’s actually Bihyung’s but whatever) came to bail him out of the trouble. But considering the fact that said viewer is probably older than humanity and the face of ‘Vedas’ is pretty embarrassing. It feels like his mom is picking him up from the principal's office after he’d gotten into a fight.

[Mahadev you didn’t have to leave your meditation in ‘Kailash’ and come here just for a mortal]

[Mahadev, You could’ve just sent Nan- I mean your ride, with the message. If I’d known that this mortal was important to you, I would’ve escorted him out of ‘Narka’ myself]

Honestly, Kim Dokja just wanted to dig a hole and die, well more like hide in it forever, since he’s already dead. He wouldn’t have felt an ounce of shame if he were to get out of here after tricking both Yama and Surya and scamming them out of some money while he was at it. But inconveniencing someone who actually seems to give you a minimal amount of care(or thinks of you as a very entertaining puppy) is pretty humiliating.

[Yama it would be unjust of me if I ask you to let him go just like that, You as well Surya, since you came here to help your son. Why not play a harmless game. You can let him go if he wins, if he loses, just let him continue to stay here.]

[Yes, Mahadev]

[Yes, Mahadev]

‘Shiva’ or ‘God of peace and destruction’ left after that, leaving two very angry constellations behind, who were glaring at him with enough intensity to burn a hole through his skull. Honestly he wasn’t expecting to survive this whole ordeal, in fact, it’s pretty weird that he hasn’t died yet, it’s almost like the whole universe wants him to live. 

Which means that the whole universe hates him.

After that, Kim Dokja somehow beat both Surya and Yama in a drinking battle, which was pretty neat. Both of them, humiliated by their(improbable) defeat by the hands of a mortal, decided to challenge him to another drinking game after they finished taking some freaky anti-hangover pill. They lost badly.

This was very suspicious, since Kim Dokja had never won a drinking game in his life and had pretty shitty alcohol tolerance, but high on his victory and all the real estate he now owns in hell, he decided not to question it.

He also won the freedom of his sort-of friend Yoo Sangah, who had been his lieutenant in the rebellion and a cute kid who was probably a package deal with Yoo Sangah. He would’ve played more but he felt like Surya was gonna smite him to death if he asked for more money, also his jaw hurt from all the drinking.

After they’d been escorted to the earth crust by Yama and had been given new bodies, Kim Dokja realized something. Yama and Surya were in their incarnation body form until now, meanwhile he was a soul. Souls don’t really get drunk.

He decided that the main female protagonist's luck was in fact a real thing.

[Constellation ‘Secretive Plotter’ thinks that he’s in love]

[Constellation ‘Secretive Plotter’ is disgusted]

***

Yoo Sangah had always thought of Kim Dokja as her friend.

She’d always known that he was a bit unhinged and a bit stupid despite being brilliant ...in his own way, that was okay, she’s always liked that in a man(platonically).

That’s why she was going to trust Kim Dokja.

Okay, that was a lie, she was definitely not trusting Kim Dokja, ever.

But she was going to go along with his plan of burning down the palace of the King of Hell anyway. It’s not like she can get any deader.

***

“Hyung, isn’t that the guy who stabbed himself after trying to suck out your greatness through your mouth?”

“Dude, he was obviously trying to kiss master, you're just delusional. Master, are we gonna go after him?”

[Constellation ‘Demon like judge of fire’ agrees with incarnation ‘Lee Jihey’]

[Constellation ‘Demon like judge of fire’ is encouraging you to seek out incarnation ‘Kim Dokja’]

“Kim Dokja..”

Yoo Joonghyuk let out a deep sigh. 

Was seeking him out right now worth it? At the cost of his sanity?

No, he was not dealing with the guy who wasn’t just Kim Namwoon 2.O. He was Kim Namwoon 5.O.

Not right now at least.

“We will meet him again soon.” 

Chapter Text

“Okay, so I died, I get it, it upset you” Kim Dokja said to his bisexual best friend Heewon, looking rather sincere, first time since the start of this fic.

Heewon reacted to this like a sane person, by sighing and expressing her feelings of insecurity and the fuck ton of abandonment issues she must have developed because of Kim Dokja’s death. Or at least that's what she would’ve done if Kim Dokja didn't cut her off first.

“but I got better.. so.. uwu?”

Of course Heewon punched him after that.

[Constellation 'Abyssal black flame dragon' is saying 'lol']

Chapter Text

Dear readers, there are many things that one may never find the answer to, things like.. who came first the egg or the chiken? are we truly the only intellegent life form in this universe? Will you ever find a lover? Did #Light Yagami did nothing wrong or did #light Yagami did everything wrong? Is Trump really gay for Joe Biden or are the liberals and conservatives collectively going crazy due to the lack of good options? How did Dokja unite with Heewon after coming back from hell, and was it violent?

today I will answer one of those questions for you

Trump really is gay for Joe Biden 

***

You see, it all started when Kim Dokja started a cult and declared himself the God of the new world, offending many people in the process, including Jesus, Allah and many more

'what? What is going on?' I hear you asking, to that I would like to say: 'haha'

After his stint in hell he was promptly thrown back out to the earth crust along with his trusty, handy dandy all purpose friend Yoo Sangha(essential for all fun, murder and arson activities).. oh and that cute kid he forgot to ask the name of too. 

But he wasn't thrown to just any random spot, he was thrown back to Gum ho station, right where he died, with special effects of hell fire and everything.

[Constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is grudgingly impressed by your style]

Everyone was staring, and by that I mean everyone, even the Dokkebi in the area had come out just to stare, did this make them a bunch of nosy fuckers? Yes, was it justified? Also yes.

For, I don't know about you dear readers, but if someone had killed themselves gay Romeo and Juliet style in front of me and then came back to life the same week, means of transportation: fire, I would never shut up about it, it would be the only ever conversation I will ever have with someone.

Now, there are many a things one can do in this situation, so many things! One can start dancing hoola while singing a pitbull song to confuse people beyond belief, they can start reciting the Bible backwards to instill fear in the minds of those gathered.. they can even declare their new 'bro' status with god and how 'he just let me go after a glass of beer, bro stuff you know?' and how 'he's totally the best bro to ever bro, you get me bro?'

But these are the reactions that a relatively sane person would have, which Kim Dokja was not, so he took on a dramatic pose and extended his hand towards the crowd with a very loving and graceful expression that was 30% love for humanity, 40% sugar, spice and everything nice, 20% 'I have too high a thought process for you mortals to understand' and 10% pain

How did he make such a complicated expression? Who knows 

And humanity being literally and figuratively doomed as it is, soon a man in the crowd spoke up in a very confused, very trembling, very sincere voice "...Jesus?"

Sangha, being the Queen that she was immediately took three steps away from Dokja along with Gilyoung, not wanting to be involved in whatever this was, instincts of her years that were spent with Kim Dokja let's say..

Kim Dokja, being the not so sane person that he was, just smiled at the man very lovingly, "..my child you are almost right.. but also, not quite"

Now at this point some people started being a little confused, a little flabbergasted and a little 'what the fuck is going on??' and 'is this for real?' and 'why would Jesus kiss a guy? Isn't he homophobic?' and 'who knows? Maybe he was saying 'ah! Men', instead of amen all along?' and 'I don't remember Jesus being asian?'

All there very reasonable questions were of course ignored as Kim Dokja chuckled and started talking again, "...I am not Jesus, but I am indeed him, just like how I am not Allah, Krishna or Buddha.. but I am indeed them.. throughout the years I have been called many things and have been known by many names.. and today, I have finally come back to this earth again!" Kim Dokja said with a flourish, a man could be heard ugly sobbing in the background, ignore him, he's just getting a bit emotional(or maybe Kim Dokja accidentally shot a skill at him while flicking his wrist, we would never know). 

What is going on inside Kim Dokja's mind right now? Who knows

[Constellation 'Secretive plotter' is questioning incarnation 'Kim Dokja's sanity]

As always Secretive plotter was the voice of reason, and one should truly be questioning Kim Dokja's sanity right now, afterall not even Yoo Joonghyuk has ever been able to offend four myth grade constellations in a single sitting.

[Constellation 'God of peace and destruction' is wondering if seeking death has become a trend these days]

[Constellation 'Scribe of heaven' is sighing]

[Constellation 'Scribe of heaven' is saying that 'isn't it too early in the scenarios for a holy war?']

[Constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is excited upon hearing the words 'holy war']

[Constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' is crackling]

Kim Dokja of course continued to ignore them in favour of spouting bullshit, "whenever the world needs me, I have appeared to grant them peace, and today.. I am here again, and my current name is Kim Dokja! And I have come back to you in fire and blood!"

[Story 'yes, I was always God' is starting to bloom]

The gullible people in the crowd started cheering upon his dramatical declaration, which was.. mostly everyone in the station 

That single person who softly murmured, "doesn't that sound like a line from game of thrones?" Was never paid any attention

"And, as one of my previous forms.. Vukul Krishna said, 'I shall rule the world in fire once I return'!"

The crowd cheered even more

[Story 'yes, I was always God' is singing]

Now, dear readers, for those of you who don't know this, Krishna never said that, his name isn't even 'Vukul Krishna' infact, it's 'Vasudev Krishna'

Dokja's claims had many holes, but so did the internet so it's not like any of they could Google it, so most of the gullible dumbasses decided 'huh, I didn't know Krishna had a first name' and went along with it and the rest of the gullible dumbasses decided, 'huh, those guys are cheering so what he said is probably right' and they started cheering too, apparently ready to spread the message of God in fire.. or something 

And this is how the cult of Kim Dokja was formed.

***

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is speechless at the sheer audacity of this kid]

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is contemplating whether he should be amused or strike down incarnation 'Kim Dokja']

[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding along calmly]

[Constellation 'God of preservation' says that 'I have never been insulted like this in the entire month!']

[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]

[Constellation 'God of preservation' says that 'young man, you should apologise to your elders when you beseech their honour!']

[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is urging incarnation 'Kim Dokja' to reply to his very serious, very brutal and very important claims]

[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]

Kim Dokja just decided to ignore the new additions to his channel, they have been there since three days ago when Kim Dokja started a cult out of the goodness of his heart.

Now, Yoo Sangha will tell you that Dokja got bored of said cult within half a day and left the station to find his gall pall Heewon, who had apparently left just after his death, and dragged her along, she would be wrong, don't listen to her, she's on her period and is too delirious to know what she's talking about

Kim Dokja isn't bored of his cult, he's just taking a break from their relationship, he's setting up boundaries.

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying that, 'I might just play a prank on you if you don't answer']

[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]

[Constellation 'demon like judge of fire' is wondering if all constellation 'last prophet of God' does is nod calmly..]

[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]

"...alright, what is it?" Kim Dokja asked the screen

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying that 'you have sullied my honour, how do you plan to compensate me?']

Kim Dokja started at the message for a while, then thought about it, the truth is, he's probably the richest incarnation on the planet right now, so he can infact 'compensate' this constellation, but the thing is.. "I don't wanna" 

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is wondering if he should strike you down]

[Constellation 'last prophet of God' is nodding calmly]

[Constellation 'God of peace and destruction' is telling constellation 'God of preservation' to calm their tits]

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is gasping while clutching at his chest]

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying 'how dare you']

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying that 'I am a married man!']

[Constellation 'God of peace and destruction' says that he's married too]

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying that 'I am a father!']

[Constellation 'God of peace and destruction' says that he's a father too]

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying "how dare you talk about my very shapely, very soft, very voluptuous tits?!']

[Constellation 'God of peace and destruction' is sighing]

[Constellation 'God of preservation' is saying 'was our bromance of forever just a lie?! Were you just going after my body!?']

Kim Dokja as always, decided to ignore his growing collection of constellations in favour of continuing his epic quest to search for his arsonist bro.