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Before Oletus Manor, not once did Norton Campbell think he could love another person.
Before his first year at the manor, before learning how to nonchalantly bleed out in the mud and wake up unbothered afterward, not once did he come to the conclusion that he could love, could care so deeply for a human being.
He especially never came to the conclusion that he was worthy of love. To love, to be loved.
So, after spending his whole childhood impoverished and starving, after overworking his underdeveloped teenage body just to eat one meal a day, after killing everyone he could consider a friend over the allure of riches, after the grueling “recovery” that came after that, and after one, whole, agonizing year into his Oletus Manor career, it should be no shock he has no clue what love feels like.
And then Luca Balsa came along. And he learned that love is deeply, deeply uncomfortable.
At the rare times where the ocean inside him is calm, where he is at peace, his mind crawls itself back to a certain gleaming eye. Back to the most intelligent man Norton’s ever met. Back to a voice that makes his heart ache when it calls his name. The water stirs and the waves crash against the prison walls that are Norton’s mind, but it’s far from the familiar tsunamis that often plague him during his bad days. He comforts himself with a raft made of “what if, what if what if…” until he drifts so far out into the sea he loses sight of the coastline and his only option of escape is to drown himself.
For months, he sits afloat on his ship, holding on for dear life when the waves come to rock him once again. They tug and pull at him, beckon him under the water, just how the object of his obsessions does—over and over. And oh so gradually, this barrier he’s built crumbles, erodes in the water. Oh so gradually, “what if”s turn to reality because it becomes harder and harder to deny that Luca has a thing for him too. Lingering touches, lingering gazes, the way an air of disappointment hangs around Luca whenever Norton pulls away to avoid any further incident. There’s been one too many times where Luca's been drunk and cuddled up to Norton like it was the comfiest place he could've been in the world, eyes shining with adoration before he inevitably passed out in Norton's arms and had to be carried to bed.
That's when the storm started. Later on, Norton would've realized how utterly suspicious it was when no one of the more sober nature offered to accompany Luca upstairs, considering Norton was visibly in no state to carry another human body from the lounge to the bedrooms. Of course, everyone saw a drunk Luca Balsa begging an equally drunk Norton Campbell to bring him to bed as an opportunity to not have to deal with their incessant mutual pining any longer. For how drunk he was, Norton remembers more of the night than should be expected.
He remembers how he poorly faked being upset at having to haul Luca up the stairs, how he pouted and the blushing man in his arms just giggled like it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. How Norton was so happy, grinning like an idiot because it seemed so simple in that moment—like they were already together. How the horrible truth crashed in and suffocated him as he opened the door to Luca's bedroom, how he knew this moment would be nothing but a bitter memory when he woke up hungover. How he gently laid Luca on the unmade bed that already felt more familiar than his own. How Luca's gleeful expression fell into deep lines of dread, and how it oh so perfectly reflected his own. How Luca said his name that night.
"Norton?"
Through alcohol-induced haze, Norton's attention draws back to Luca's disheveled form and away from the idea of ever leaving this moment. He swallows the taste of vomit.
"Yeah?" he slurs.
Luca weakly reaches out. "Come here."
Drunk, confused, and with his heart throbbing, Norton creases his brows and uncertainly leans down, almost as if he was expecting Luca to whisper something into his ear.
"No, not like, not like that. Here. So you can face me." Luca gently redirects his head, so Norton's directly above him and staring down at him. His skin prickles excitedly at the touch, almost a staticky reaction.
"There we go," Luca mumbles. Hands fumbling, he wraps his arms around Norton's neck, basically holding him captive because Norton would rather die before voluntarily leaving this intimate moment.
They stare at each other for a long, long time, Norton resisting the urge to sway on his feet as he loses more and more of his balance. Eventually, Luca's fingers spread out to tenderly hold Norton's face, and it'd be sweet enough to make Norton puke if he wasn't drunk and so, so horribly in love with this man.
"Norton," Luca chokes.
"Luca," Norton responds, shaky and desperate and unsure. The sky is full of storm clouds and the waters are positively raging—
Luca pulls Norton closer by his neck and surges up to meet him, shoving his lips to Norton's with a truly shocking force. His hands twist into black curls, holding Norton fiercely in place as they kiss passionately.
The last piece of raft Norton was clinging to dissolves into nothingness, and he plunges into the deep, dark sea without even catching his breath beforehand. It consumes him so quickly, so eagerly, stealing his air and vision and hearing all at once. Panic is an afterthought—everything and anything is swallowed whole by the great blue waters and the stunning scenery hiding underneath that calls for him. His sight clears, the initial shock fading quite swiftly once it's replaced by the underwater beauty that awaits him. Seaweed and kelp and various other ocean plants stretch their arms out in welcome, impossibly colorful fish circling him excitedly and rainbow coral decorating the sandy floor, as alive as Norton feels in the moment. Forgetting himself, he inhales, hurriedly slapping a hand over his mouth and nose, only to realize it doesn't seem as if he's actually inhaled water. Cautiously, he takes another shallow breath, being greeted by the delightful surprise that it's far easier to breathe down here than it was up in the polluted air. Elated, he laughs heartily, the sound muffled but echoing through the water in the form of small bubbles. Sinking all the way to the bottom, he plants his feet in the soft sand, running his hands over the delicate coral. It is an absolute wonder, a marvelous work of nature that has claimed him.
The next morning, he'd awoken in a bed unlike his own, naked and with a splitting headache. When his hazy eyes focused on Luca's still sleeping form, he'd nearly flipped onto his other side hard enough to wake the man. Suddenly very awake and very scared, he stared blankly at the white wall, hands covering the bottom half of his face. It took everything in him to not jump up, get dressed, and bolt out as soon as possible. But just as he'd been collecting himself, his mind once again ran blank when he felt Luca shift closer to him, nose brushing against his back.
"Norton?"
The presence of Luca's voice jolts him more, as it proves the man is awake. Swallowing and forcing his voice steady, Norton replies as nonchalantly as possible.
"Yeah?"
"C'mere," Luca mumbles, a weak hand pulling at Norton's shoulder, beckoning him. "'M cold. Turn over."
Utterly speechless and confused, Norton flips back over to face Luca. His eyes are still completely closed, probably barely awake, but he wastes no time shuffling closer into Norton's space and pressing their bodies flush together in order to accomplish his main goal of tucking his head under Norton's chin. With all this done, he seemed satisfied, and fell silent once again, leaving only the sound of his breath.
Norton was left opening and closing his mouth, lip quivering like a fish. It was so intimate, so soft and affectionate, almost something he’d never expect from anyone he’d had drunk sex with the night before. Almost something, because the person he had sex with was Luca Balsa, and, well, that really should be self explanatory.
Trembling, he reaches his hand out and rests it on the back of Luca’s head, allowing himself to gently scratch Luca’s scalp with his fingertips. Luca hums in approval, somehow snuggling closer to Norton’s chest. Norton can feel soft lips curving into a smile against his pec. He allows himself to smile, too, and wards off the guilty thoughts before they can crash in. He’d hate to take this moment away from Luca.
That was months ago.
After a few begrudging, long talks about their relationship, they came to the conclusion that it’d do more harm than good to not indulge at least a little in their mutual appreciation and desire. The first few weeks of being together were absolutely wonderful, a constant warmth flooding Norton’s mood even when he wasn’t around Luca. The genuine, caring smiles Luca would so often give him made his heart pound in his chest in a way he’d never felt before. It took barely a month for the first “I love you”s to be exchanged.
Nowadays, Norton couldn’t be happier. He imagines the only thing that could make his life better is, well, if he wasn’t still trapped in the cycle of this death game and could own a small house with Luca and have enough money to cook three meals a day and afford a slightly higher water bill with how many baths they take together. But other than that? He’s come to the conclusion that, as little as he believes in fate, this was where he was meant to end up.
When Luca comes back from matches, Norton sits him down and cleans the grime and blood from his face with a warm washcloth. Luca does the same with him, though Norton makes considerably more of a fuss, insisting he can do it by himself, eventually relenting into Luca’s touch anyway.
On Saturdays, when everyone is free from the game, they’ll usually donate an hour (or a few) to just cuddle, curtains drawn with Luca burying his face into Norton’s chest.
When they have matches together, they’ll throw themselves in danger’s way if it means the other gets out alive, much to the annoyance of some of their teammates. They always rinse off in the shower together after.
On Sundays, they’ll visit Emma and Melly in the garden and help remove weeds or transfer growing plants into the soil. Neither of them ever minded getting a little dirty.
On Tuesdays and Fridays, they’ll find time whenever they can to take a long bath together, simply enjoying the warmth and presence of the other. Norton has taken to washing Luca’s hair every time, holding him in his lap while he scrubs his scalp free of dirt and dandruff, and then gently washing all the shampoo out and making sure none gets in Luca’s eyes. Occasionally, Luca will insist he wash Norton’s, but that often involves a lot more splashing and giggling. Norton will dry Luca off after, too.
Sometimes, one or both of them will have a frustrating day, and they’ve acclimated to each other to know when the other wants space, time, or affection. If anything, Norton appreciates how Luca’s grown to not be bothered by some of the things he says. At the beginning of their relationship, it was enough to tip Luca’s mood sour, but now he simply sighs and kisses Norton on the forehead, telling him it’s okay. With that being said, Luca was naturally surprised by how needy Norton could get when upset. He found himself being held like a teddy bear most of the time.
With the amount of free time they had in the manor, it wasn’t uncommon for them to spend that time in bed, especially after mostly keeping their hands to themselves for the first month of their relationship. Luca was like no one he’d ever had before, passionate and exciting and receptive and loud. Luca initiated almost as much as Norton did. Aftercare was always extremely important to the both of them, even if that was just cuddling for half an hour after and not letting the other go anywhere. Even on days when haunting memories came back to plague Luca, when he went quiet and didn’t make eye contact during it, Norton always held him close after and assured him it was okay.
Every drop of boredom or emptiness Norton ever felt in the manor was quickly replaced by Luca. Every drawling minute of the day, Luca was there, Luca filled his thoughts and everything began to revolve around him. There was never a dull moment, because even menial jobs like cooking and hygiene brought him so much joy. To make a snack for Luca felt like fulfillment, to observe the new softness of Luca’s hair felt like success, to hold Luca close to him felt like perfection.
Norton Campbell never thought he could love. Never thought he deserved to be loved, not when his hands have hurt so many, but Luca treats him with the utmost softness and care anyway, and he’d be damned if he didn’t do the same.
When Luca Balsa had first arrived at the manor, Norton thought love was uncomfortable.
He couldn’t have been more wrong. Keeping himself from love was what was uncomfortable.
And now that he has Luca, he’ll never make that same mistake again.