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More effable fluff. And a big, ineffable, thank you to my wonderful beta and long-time friend Elarielf.
“Okay, what am I supposed to do again, dear?”
“Just… lie on your side here, Angel.”
“Like this?”
“Yep. Perfect. Ow, for someone’s sake, Angel, how old is this mattress? What century is this from?”
“Well, I had to get a bed when I set up my domicile here. It would have looked odd to have a home without a bed…”
“Angel… that was in 1800!” came the incredulous reply. “I’m going to take you mattress shopping tomorrow!”
“Oh, if you must. Do you want to wait until we have a new mattress before we do this?”
“No. I’ve been waiting far too long to do this.”
“Are… are you pouting, my dear? I guess we could go back to your flat and do this on your bed.”
“Mmm, no. We’ve already started.”
“Alright. But before we continue, please enlighten me… why did I have to divest my outfit for this?”
“Because we need to be comfortable for this, and your clothes are not comfortable.”
“My dear, I don’t know what you’re talking about. They’re some of the most comfortable clothing I’ve ever owned!”
“Not to me! It was bad enough wearing them for a day. I don’t want to feel them during this.”
The angel huffed with exasperation. “Fine. Speaking of comfortable, unh, I just need to shift… ow! Elbow… in my back… love.”
“Ngk. Sorry. Just let me readjust…”
“Ahh… there. That’s better.”
“Mmm… it really is.” Crowley nuzzled the back of his angel’s neck with a happy sigh. A slender arm wrapped over a broad, warm chest; a lean leg wrapped possessively over Aziraphale’s hip. “Mmm… this is bliss. Are you okay? Do you like this?”
“Hm… still deciding.” There was a pause. “So, this is what the humans call ‘forking’?” Aziraphale asked.
A puff of warm air tickled the base of his neck as his beloved chuckled. “Spooning, Angel. This is called spooning. And you’re the little spoon.” Crowley’s voice became a bit uncertain. “We can stop, if you want.”
Aziraphale clasped Crowley’s arm gently, and then started stroking lightly through his dark, silk pajamas. “No, I want to try this with you. I’m not uncomfortable… I’m sure I’ll get used to wearing these flannel pajamas. I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do. Humans usually do this to sleep, don’t they? I know you enjoy napping, but I don’t care to sleep.”
“Sometimes humans sleep like this… but some humans prefer having their own space when they sleep. Humans also do this to watch movies together, or just be close. Maybe you could read a book?”
“There’s an idea. Let me go get one.”
The demon groaned as the soft, warm body shifted and moved away. “Noo… my heat source,” he whined.
“You’re being dramatic,” the angel chided.
“’M not. You’re surprisingly warm. Radiate body heat. ‘S comfortable.”
“That’s just the snake in you saying that my dear.” Aziraphale scrutinized one of his bookshelves. “What do you think would be an appropriate book to read whilst spooning?” he mused.
“Chicken Soup for the Soul,” came the grumbled reply. “Now grab a book and get back here.”
“Ooh, I’ve been meaning to read this. It’s not exactly literary, but it seems interesting. ‘An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth’… an autobiography by a human. Chris Hadfield.”
“Mmppfh!”
“Oh, so grouchy. Alright, alright… I’m coming.” He lay on his side once more, pulling a thick, wool blanket over his shoulder. Crowley wasted no time in pressing up against him, wrapping his slender limbs around his partner’s toasty body. “Are you happy now, my dear?”
“Mmmm,” he almost purred with contentment, pulling Aziraphale closer. “Sssssso warm.”
“So… this is spooning?”
“Mhm.”
“Is it anything like that ‘scissoring’ thing I’ve heard about?” Aziraphale asked innocently. He could feel the lean body behind him shudder with suppressed laughter. “Okay… I guess not. What is ‘scissoring’ then?” More shaking, and Crowley had his face pressed into the angel’s shoulder to muffle the choking noises he was making. “Fine,” he huffed, “you don’t have to tell me. I’ll just ask the Google.” He paused. “Can you help me get to the Google, my dear? Not now, of course, we’re busy spooning right now.”
“’Scissoring’ is a human sex act, Angel. Is that enough information, or do you still want to ‘ask the Google’?”
“Oh. No. I don’t think I want to risk asking the Google for more details. Thank you for the warning.”
Crowley debated the merits of explaining modern tech language to the angel. He decided against it. Instead, he nuzzled in closer and inhaled deeply, savouring the scents of freshly laundered flannel, a hint of sandalwood soap, and the saltiness of skin.
A comfortable weariness was slipping over him. However, he retained enough awareness to realize that the angel had opened his book but had yet to turn the page. “Do you need to get a different book, ‘Ziraphale?” The body against him tensed and stilled.
The demon cracked open a heavy eyelid and lifted his head to gaze at his partner and what he saw troubled him. Grey eyes were lowered in uncertainty and deep, troubled lines marred his beautiful, cherubic face.
Proceed with caution, Crowley. “Penny for your thoughts, Angel?” he asked gently. Silence. The demon’s stomach sank. “Look, love, I’m sorry. We’ll stop this. You’re obviously not comfortable, and we don’t have to…”
“Crowley? Have you ever had sex?” The abrupt question shocked him into stillness.
“Well, yeah…” he answered slowly. “Not often, well, I mean, often by human standards, but we’ve been on this planet for six millennia. You know, it’s sometimes part of the whole ‘temptation’ thing. Getting humans to do things they feel guilty about. Is that… does that bother you?”
Aziraphale rolled onto his back and peered at Crowley shyly. “Can I ask… what is it like?”
“Hmmm…” The demon bit his lip, his mind reeling to make sense of the conversation. “Well, um… what’s it like? Messy. Sticky. Lots of fluids, you know? Sweat, saliva, come… and sometimes it’s physically awkward. I mean, some humans could naturally find a comfortable position and rhythm, but other times it’s been kinda… I dunno… like our bodies just didn’t work well together.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Enngghh… well, generally not. I rarely disliked it. And sometimes the foreplay or aftercare was pleasant. But… the sex itself? Well…” Crowley gazed into Aziraphale’s questioning eyes. “Why do you ask?”
The angel rolled again, lying face-to-face with his beloved. “I just don’t get it,” he confessed. “I’ve observed humans since the beginning, read their stories and poems about burning desire and euphoric release. Seen plays that heavily allude to sexual acts. I’ve seen movies that enact sex between lovers. But I just don’t understand… I’ve never felt that urge that humans have.”
“We’re not built like them, Angel,” Crowley reminded him gently. “They have nerve clusters and erogenous zones that we don’t. They have hormones making them crave sexual stimulation and the biological urge to procreate. I’ve become an expert at providing that sexual stimulation… I mean, I’ve had a lot of practice. But I’ve never gotten much out of it on my end, no matter how talented or considerate the other person was.”
“Is it… is it alright if I don’t want to have sex?” His voice was tentative and worried.
It made Crowley’s heart clench. He cupped Aziraphale’s face gently, running his thumb lightly over a delicate cheekbone. “Aziraphale.” Centuries upon centuries of love and care were poured into that one word. “I. Love. You. I don’t need anything more than what we have right now, and I never want you to feel like you have to do something you’re not comfortable with. I could never hurt you like that.”
Suddenly, the angel beamed and pulled Crowley in close, burying his face in his shoulder.
“Okay… luv, I’m lost. And worried. Is everything alright?”
“Everything’s perfect. I love you.” He looked up and rubbed reassuringly on the strong, lean back. “I’m not saying that I never want to have sex. I just… don’t know how I feel about it and I was concerned that might disappoint you.”
Crowley quirked an eyebrow. “Not all people, Angel. Some humans are asexual – they don’t feel those sexual urges, either. And, like I said, I don’t feel those urges. It’s just part of the tempting job.”
“So, you don’t want us to have sex?”
He fought the urge to place a kiss in those soft, white-blond curls. “If you want to explore with sex, I’ll happily help you with that. If you never want to have sex, I’ll happily live without sex. Just so long as we’re together. The only thing I need is to be with you, Aziraphale.”
“You always will be, Crowley.” The angel bumped the tip of his nose gently against his demon’s. “I greatly enjoy being close like this. Let’s get back to spooning!” He rolled over once again, keeping his grasp on Crowley’s slender wrist.
The demon sighed and settled in against his beloved. “Something’s missing,” Aziraphale mused. He reached back, gripped a lean, sinewy leg, hefted it over his hip, and wriggled closer to Crowley’s body. “There… that’s much better.”
“Mmmm. Warm.”
“Sweet dreams, my lovely snake.”
A comfortable silence fell over the room, punctuated only by deep breathing, the occasional turning of a page, and eventually a soft, hissing snore.