Chapter Text
The music is loud, maybe too much so. Banging your head under the neon lights, you get dizzy after a while. It’s hot, full of people, an underground concert somewhere in Soho. Your friend has dragged you here, and you’ve sneaked out of your parents’ house to come. They will kill you if they notice your absence.
You’re sweaty, but you can’t say that you care. Your make up is smeared by now, eyeliner getting away from your eyes, and you don’t mind. You bang your head to the music still, some rock band you didn’t know before coming here. Still, they’re good enough, they make you jump up and down like a mad woman and that’s exactly what you need. You’re seventeen, you’re young, you want to be free. And as you let the music in, let it shake your body and echo with your heartbeat, you do feel like you’re breaking barriers, even if it can’t last beyond this night.
Your friend is shouting, and screaming along the song even if she doesn’t know the lyrics, and you laugh at her. It feels good. It feels liberating… Rock’n roll and Soul and the blurred scent of weed.
“I told you it would be awesome!” Jackie shouts, sending a wink your way through her pink heart-shaped glasses.
“It is!” you nod in agreement, screaming above the music while jumping up and down some more.
“Worse getting in trouble?”
“I’m not thinking about that right now!”
“No?”
“Right now, I’m enjoying myself! I can worry on my way home!”
“Now! That’s the spirit! You know what? You deserve a beer, rebel girl!”
You laugh at that, and let Jackie disappear through the crowd to get some beer from an illegal bar at the back of the room. You’re seventeen, you’re way too young to drink, and you don’t give a damn.
The beat drops, it makes your ribcage tremble, it shakes your brain, you’re dizzy again. You don’t wait for Jackie to be back, instead, you jump and clap along to the rhythm of the song. You only slow down when you have a strange feeling, like someone is staring at you…
And indeed, when you turn around, you notice a guy looking at you, a couple of rows behind.
Tall. Long dark-hair. Even from afar he seems extremely handsome, but the cold kind of beauty that fits better to a statue than to a living thing. Unreachable. Yes, that’s what is painted all over his features. Someone to admire from afar. A leather jacket, a Queen t-shirt. You can’t see his legs, but you bet on some dark jeans. He looks like trouble. An awful lot of it… And as he stares at you, you can’t help but find him intimidating.
But then, he notices that you’re looking at him, and his lips curve into a small, crooked smile. And you kind of like it.
You turn away again, though, and Sirius averts his gaze as well. This is ridiculous, anyway. He’s in Muggle London, at an illegal concert, getting drunk with James, Remus and Peter and this… You’re probably a Muggle, like everyone around him except for his fellow Marauders. He’s spotted you through the crowd: with your woollen crop-top, your flared jeans, and the bandana in your hair, you look like a hippie.
But he’s a Wizard, you’re off-limits. Too complicated, especially for him.
Instead, he raises his cup to drink some beer, but he finds the glass empty. He mumbles some insult under his breath.
“I’ll get some beer,” he tells James, his friend nodding but too busy dancing to properly answer.
And Sirius smiles bright at the sight of his best friend, his brother, grinning and having the time of his life, sweaty and hair even more dishevelled than usual, glasses lopsided upon his nose.
They’ve been back from Hogwarts for a couple of weeks, it’s their first night out since they’ve come back to the Potters. It’s Sirius’s first summer having a real home. And so far he loves it, and tonight more than ever. They’ve sneaked out of the Potters’ house to get on the Knight Bus and travel to Soho for this concert Remus had heard about through a Muggle friend of his. And Sirius loves it. Every second of it. His friends, the beat of the music through his ribcage, the lights, the shouts, the guitar screaming, the banging of his head to the rhythm… He loves it. He feels free. He’s been feeling that way since he ran from his parents the previous summer. It hits him with full strength now that he’s out of this mess, that he can be whoever he wants. He’s broken free, it feels a lot like flying, same exhilarating feeling.
He moves across the crowd to get a drink. He’s seventeen, too young to drink, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything tonight. Tonight is for fun, only. His problems, the struggles of his world… that can wait for tomorrow.
The bar is at the back of the same room as the concert, the music is still as loud as it was when he was in the middle of the crowd, dancing. He points at his empty plastic cup while mouthing another beer to the waiter. The middle-aged man doesn’t ask questions. He’s smoking something, and Sirius isn’t sure it’s a mere cigarette. Sirius admires the tattoos on the man’s arms, intricate details painted with black ink. He wants to look like that. He wants to be tattooed, he’s been thinking about it for a while. He’ll get his first one during the summer, it’s decided…
He thanks the waiter and pays for his beer, but Sirius doesn’t get very far. He’s barely turned towards the stage again that someone bumps into him, and half of his beer is now wetting his favourite t-shirt.
“Oh fuck! Dick! Can’t you watch were you’re…”
But he looks up and his voice dies out when he falls into your eyes.
He’s only looked at you from afar, but he recognizes you in an instant. It’s weird. Like… like he knows you already. Like he’s drawn to you, for some reason.
His voice is much lower when he speaks again.
“…going.”
Your eyes are wide-open, you apologize profusely. You almost seem afraid of him.
And you are, for a part. Sirius is even more intimidating up-close. And his voice is deep and cold, and yet you love it. You love the deep, tumultuous sound. And his eyes are of a deep grey, like a summer sky before a thunder-storm, almost black under the blinking light of the concert. He’s much taller than you, it doesn’t help with the cold calmness that oozes from his frame, a feeling of something dangerously beautiful, almost aristocratic.
“Sorry, I’m so sorry…” you keep on saying that, and it takes Sirius a moment to finally react. He has to blink a couple of times before that.
Because you look beautiful like this, under the blinking lights. You are a hippie, you have the complete set of clothes, and he loves it, you look adorable. There’s something wild and determined in your gaze too, he doesn’t really know what it is, but it makes him feel safer anyway. You’re almost intimidating, in a way…
“No, it’s me. I’m sorry,” he mumbles, and he wonders why he’s acting almost shy now, he can feel a blush spreading across his features.
You notice his reddened cheeks, and you can’t refrain a smile. He looks cuter this way, almost kind.
“I… I’m sorry, I’m clumsy as fuck, sometimes,” he speaks, but the music is too loud, you can’t catch all the words.
“I’ll pay you another drink,” you offer, speaking loudly so he can hear you, but he shakes his head.
“No, no! It’s fine.”
“I’ve ruined it.”
“Not at all. I mean… kind of. But it’s fine. You didn’t mean it.”
You’re staring at each other, and it is very strange because… because you can feel that he’s trouble and yet you can’t seem to look away. He’s a good kind of trouble, you reckon. Not the classic bad boy, there’s something more layered into these dark eyes, and you want to know what it is all about. You don’t know why you feel like you know him, already. Like… like you’re drawn to him.
He's opened his mouth to speak again when Jackie shouts your name, grinning as she spots you, and you turn towards her.
“I was looking for my friend over there. She went to get us drinks.”
“I see.”
“Sorry again for the beer.”
Before Sirius can add anything you’ve turned around and you’re disappearing through the crowd, following Jackie, and Sirius remains standing there, with his glass half-empty and his wet t-shirt stinking of beer…
It takes him a moment to shake himself out of his thoughts, to look for the guys in the crowd again, to join them once more.
He’s barely reached the group that James turns to him with a mischievous grin that clearly means trouble.
“So… found a pretty lady, Padfoot?”
Sirius rolls his eyes.
“She bumped into me and now…”
He shows his drenched t-shirt, but James is not fooled, and neither are Peter and Remus, who are shaking their heads at their friend.
“That’s why you were blushing, of course,” Remus teases him, earning himself a punch in the arm.
“Fuck off, Moony!”
“He’s right, though,” Peter adds with a chuckle. “You were mesmerized!”
“I was not!”
“You should ask her out!” James encourages his friend. “She’s over there!”
Sirius follows the direction his friend is pointing, and you’re there alright. You’re dancing again, struggling a little because of your drink. You throw your head back as you laugh at your friend… you’re charming, really, even from afar…
But Sirius shakes his head, drinking some beer instead.
“Muggle,” is his only answer, barely audible above the loud music, as Sirius is more careful now.
But his three friends roll their eyes in unison.
“Come on, Pads!” Remus encourages him as well.
“Too complicated,” Sirius shakes his head.
“It doesn’t have to be anything serious! It’s summer! You could have a fling, for a couple of months,” Peter argues.
And Sirius is hesitant now. His friend is right. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It can merely be a fling… nothing serious…
“Besides, maybe she isn’t even nice!” Remus jumps in again, still rubbing his painful arm. “You should talk to her, while you still can.”
While you still can… Why does Sirius feel such an urgency all of a sudden? As if… as if he has so much to lose, when he hasn’t, really. You’re a stranger. He doesn’t even know your name…
He wants to know it though.
He heaves a sigh, one last hesitation, before he downs his drink in one large gulp, and strides across the crowd towards you.
His heart is beating so fast, and he doesn’t even know why, because… he doesn’t know. There are no stakes whatsoever. So, why is he nervous?
You don’t notice him until he’s right by your side, and Jackie frowns at him, wondering who the hell he is.
You freeze when you turn to him.
“Hey.”
“Hey?”
Your voice is too shy, he can’t hear you, but he guesses what you said by the movement of your lips.
“I… I was wondering… would you like a drink?”
He’s cursing himself for not looking as confident as usual. He’s never stuttered like that in front of a girl before.
You seem to hesitate, and he shoots you a crooked smile. It’s charming, but it still looks a little shy. You really love that…
“I’ve kind of changed my mind about the beer,” he jokes, and it’s enough to make you smile.
Behind you, you feel Jackie’s finger poking at your side, and you know what she means without looking at her. You can hear her voice, what she would say, her exact words.
Handsome bloke who seems to be our age. You’d better say yes!
And you’ve come here tonight to feel free. No consequences for now, no trouble, you’ll think about those once you try to sneak back into your parents’ house. For now, you’re in this crazy concert, under blinking neon lights, this guy is gorgeous and there’s something pulling you to him and… and it’s enough. At least, it’s enough for a drink.
“Alright, but I’m the one who owns you a drink. So, I’m buying.”
He grins at that, agreeing with a nod, and you walk towards the bar again.
You buy Sirius his drink, but the music seems even louder than before, and when he tries to speak to you, you can’t hear a thing.
After a second try, he leans closer to speak into your ear. So close, you can smell cigarettes, leather, beer and something of citrus on him. Your head spins a little…
“Mind stepping out for a minute?”
He reads on your face that he’s scared you away. You look up at him with worried eyes, and he curses himself for it.
After all, he still looks intimidating, with his cross earing, the pentagram pendant around his neck, his charming smile…
Is he simply a teenager? Or a psychopath? No one can know, after all… and you’re just seventeen, and he’s a stranger, and you ought to be careful.
He leans closer again, and you force yourself not to breathe his scent too deeply, not to close your eyes when you feel his breath graze the skin right behind your ear.
“We can stay by the door. But it’s too loud here.”
As if to prove a point, he points at his ear, then his throat. And he’s right, of course. If you want to talk, even for five minutes, you can’t do it here.
You slowly nod, going on your tiptoes. He bends a little to bring his ear to your level.
“I’ll warn my friend then.”
He nods with a smile, lets you cross the crowd.
You warn Jackie, she tells you she’ll check on you in ten minutes, just in case. And you’re grateful for it.
Meanwhile, Sirius throws a glance towards his friends, and they all give him some thumb-ups and some ridiculous grins, and he rolls his eyes.
You come back after a mere minute, and you let him guide you upstairs again.
It’s the end of spring, the beginning of summer, but the night is still fresh, cooled down by a small breeze. It sends shivers across your skin, but that’s a nice feeling. It clears your head a little bit. After the loud sound of the concert, the lights, the crowd, the shouts… it feels good to step outside in the quiet of a night in London.
A car drives by, there’s the rushed whisper of the wind in nearby trees, but that’s about it, really. A few people are taking a break from the show too, gathered in small clusters all along the backstreet where you stand now. As a reflex, you step closer to a lamppost, looking for the light. A lost moth in a dark street…
Sirius takes a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket, and offers you one, but you decline. He lights one up for himself.
“Do you like the concert so far?” he asks after taking his first drag.
“Yeah, it’s fun! I didn’t know the band before tonight though, so… not great to sing along!”
“Didn’t know them either. I came with a friend, he’s the one who knew the band. They’re good, though.”
“Yeah, they are.”
“You came with a friend too, right?”
“Yeah, with Jackie! She kind of… dragged me here, to be honest.”
“I’m grateful she did.”
There’s flirt in his tone, and you can’t help but shy away. And you look adorable like this, Sirius loves it. But then again, you don’t seem comfortable yet, and he wants you to be so.
“We can go back whenever you want, you know? It’s fine if you prefer to find back your friend,” he offers.
And you genuinely consider accepting, walking back inside and run away with Jackie but then again… you don’t really want to. Because Sirius is beyond handsome like this: smoking, tilting his head to the side a little as he waits for an answer, his face bathed in the golden light of the lamppost.
And you love his voice. Deep, much warmer than before. More welcoming. Charming…
“It’s okay, I’m just… not really used to going to concerts like that and… this…”
He smiles at that, a smile more earnest, brighter too, and you like it. He doesn’t seem so scary now…
“Neither am I, to be honest.”
“You look like the part, though,” you joke, pointing at his leather jacket, his t-shirt, his combat boots. He laughs at that, and you find that you like the sound. It’s brighter than you expected it would be.
“True but… let’s say that I didn’t often have the opportunity to come to this kind of things. Besides, I’m still young. Plenty of time to catch up with that now.”
“How old are you?”
“Seventeen.”
You seem to relax at that.
“I’m seventeen too.”
He raises an eyebrow, his smile crooked again, near a smirk, and you like it. You really do.
“Are you still in high school?” you ask him, and he nods.
“Yeah, huh… boarding school.”
“Oh, I see. It must be nice to see your parents during the summer.”
But he merely smiles, and doesn’t answer. You silently curse yourself for obviously touching a nerve.
It’s alright though, Sirius doesn’t mind. He doesn’t reckon that it’s a conversation fit for such a night though, so he changes the topic and guides it towards you again, and finally asks for your name.
“Y/N,” you answer with a smile, and he finds that he adores the sight of it; it’s infectious, he wants to smile too now. “What about you?”
“Sirius. Sirius Black. I know, weird name.”
“Pretty though.”
You exchange a grin, but the gesture is shy for both of you.
Damn, Sirius’s throat tightens, and he’s a ball of nerves, really. He doesn’t know what it is about you that just… makes him lose his cool. But he loves it. It’s endearing. And you’re worth it. He can feel it.
He guides the conversation towards you again, and ten minutes fly by, and you forget all about Jackie who’s supposed to check up on you. Sirius is on his second cigarette, and you don’t even notice her when she smiles at the sight of the two of you and decides to leave you alone and head back for the end of the show.
You talk for a long time, actually. You’ve relaxed as the minutes flew by, you feel good now. You don’t cling that much to the light of the lamppost, you’re turned fully towards Sirius instead. Another source of light, even if this one seems more complex.
You talk for a long while, so long that people start flooding the street as the show ends. You’re both running out of time… and neither of you want to say goodbye just yet.
But it’s late. Very late, the night is heavy and the moon is declining. You must go home, and so does he.
He takes a deep breath, before diving.
“Would that be too much to ask for, if I wanted to go on a date with you?”
But you’re not so hesitant anymore, and you grin up at him.
“That would be nice.”
Sirius grins, his heart skipping a few beats.
“What about some dinner?” he offers, remembering an Italian restaurant where Remus has taken them before. “On Friday?”
But you can’t afford to take the risk of your parents saying no, and going out with a stranger on a Friday night is a lot to ask for…
“What about lunch, instead?”
Sirius merely shrugs.
“Sure. Okay. Let’s do that. There’s an Italian restaurant a couple of streets away. Let’s meet there at noon.”
“Okay.”
The two of you exchange a grin, that turns into shy chuckles.
“Alright, I’ll see you at noon next Friday, then, Y/N. And… thanks again for the drink.”
“I owed you one.”
“Still nice to be offered drinks by such a pretty girl.”
He expects you to shy away but you laugh instead.
“Wow, what a lousy line!”
He’s a little taken aback, but he likes it. You fire back; he likes that.
“It was an amazing line!”
“No, it was terrible. All it was missing was a good old wink…”
Sirius shoots you a grin and flirtatious wink in response, and you hate yourself for letting your heart miss a beat at the sight, but you can hardly help it. You laugh harder still, the sound infectious, so much so that Sirius chuckles too.
“Well, for our date, please, work on your flirt,” you tease him, and he decides that he adores this side of you…
“Very well, ma’am.”
You exchange one last smile, but you can’t buy yourself more time. And Sirius knows that he’s staring a little too much, but he can’t help it. He just wants to remember you perfectly, waiting for this date.
“Goodnight, Y/N. Be safe to go home.”
Your smile grows fonder.
“Thank you. Same to you, be careful, it’s very late. Goodnight, Sirius.”
He wants to bend down and kiss your cheek, raise his fingers to the edge of your jaw to touch your skin, judge how soft it is by himself. But he’s afraid to go too fast, to scare you away again, so he doesn’t. He looks at you as you walk towards Jackie instead, as you walk down the alley and disappear by the corner. The boys are waiting for him, amused smiles on their lips, but Sirius doesn’t notice them. He merely stares at you instead.
And you want to go on your tip-toes and kiss his cheek, rest a hand on his shoulder to see if it’s as strong as it seems to be. But you’re afraid to go too fast, to scare him away, so you don’t. You turn around instead, looking for Jackie, and you walk away, leaving Sirius alone under the light of the lamppost. But then you disappear, and he steps out of the light.