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Alex had been situationally celibate for the last year aboard The Rocinante and although the first few months was a frustrated battle with his own hand, recently his desire waned entirely. His lack of libido was, for the most part, well and fine by him - it's not like he would want to proposition any of his crew mates and he was kept plenty busy with the main lady in his life, The Rocinante.
However, when the crew took a 3 day shore leave on Titan, he felt obligated to seek out a willing partner knowing full well it could be another year before feeling the touch of a lover.
***
Alex wandered the halls of Outer Titan, not bothering with a directory and letting his intuition pick a place for him. He settled on a brothel somewhat off the beaten path, but still well maintained.
The exterior was unassuming, the signage subtle and there was a live, human clerk manning the front desk. Alex always felt a bit gross patronizing the places that used impersonal kiosks - it felt like he was custom ordering a part for a ship instead of meeting a real human being. At any rate, he had nothing to hide and the seedier establishments catered to the folks who had to sign pain and injury waivers before entering.
The clerk flashed a warm smile as he crossed the waiting area.
“Welcome to Resplendence House, what can I help you with?”
“Just lookin’ for some company for the night. Well, intercourse specifically…and company.”
“Sa sa me - partner preference?
“Female, I guess and er, someone close to my age.”
The clerk started clacking away at her computer.
“Do you consent to a health scan?”
Alex nodded and held out wrist so she could scan his latest health metrics.
“Sandy will meet you after you get settled. If you need anything just -” the clerk mimed holding a terminal to her face with a smile.
*****
Sandy was uncommonly short and pale for a belter with dark hair loosely wrapped at the nape of her neck. She had the faintest of wrinkles at the corner of her eyes and Alex felt instantly at ease with her. They did not chat for very long before she started undressing herself and then him. She pushed him into the room's solitary chair and straddled him, teasing him with her hands, and grinding against his thigh.
He was pleasantly bewildered by her aggression; she was a professional, sure, but he had never been with someone quite so … eager and vocal. He wasn’t sure how he felt with someone else taking the reins. Relief? Anxiety? Guilt?
By the time they moved to the bed, Alex felt a glowing tension in his stomach, a harbinger of his imminent climax. Sandy continued to grind against him, breathing hard, hands exploring his shoulders, arms and neck. He kept his hands on her hips, more for his own grounding than any attempt to direct her movements. He stifled a gasp of surprise and then a moan as his orgasm crashed over him.
He felt the familiar bloom of guilt - a side effect of his prudish upbringing he had yet to shake.
“Ahh, sorry Sandy, I will need a few to recoup before we finish this proper. Didn’t expect to finish so quickly.”
“I’ll take it as a compliment” she said, dismounting. “You were awfully quiet though - is that how you normally are?”
“Yeah, I guess it's just been awhile is all. And I normally try not to make too much of a fuss.”
“It's okay to just enjoy yourself sometimes. You have nothing to prove to me, or anyone else.”
Sandy stood up and busied herself while Alex stared at the ceiling, mind churning on double time. Without looking, he knew she was scrambling to get dressed. He’d perhaps get a hasty goodbye, or maybe an awkward one. The departure was just another ritual of brothel ceremonies. He dismissed the familiar disappointment - the craving for someone to warm his bed for more than an hour.
It dawned on him that she still hadn’t left and he propped himself up on his elbows.
“Are you … staying?” He let hope swell, unbidden.
“This isn’t one of those establishments where you pay by the hour, honey. Besides, it looks like you might need some looking after.” She was wrapped in a robe, balancing two cups of water, a small towel and a packet of an unidentifiable belter snack. “Scooch over, no use laying in the wet spot.”
“Uh, what are you doing?” Alex’s voice curved up with confusion, shifting to accommodate her.
“It's been a long time since I saw someone as tense and touch starved as you, darling and I work here, ” she gestured vaguely at the walls around her - a classy brothel, but a brothel nonetheless. “When's the last time someone took care of you?”
“I… I mean I have my family and friends, my crew mates.”
“Hmm, what are they like?” She pulled herself up against the headboard and patted her leg gently, inviting Alex to rest his head on her thighs. At first he was hesitant, uncertain. “I wouldn’t let you do this if I didn’t want it, Alex, ok? Rest here.”
She gently brushed the towel across his torso, taking a few extra moments to stroke the hairs on his chest. Her hands traveled to his neck and shoulders and she gently kneaded at the tense spots.
“Well, Cap and XO are pretty tightly coupled. Amos is a beast of his own. Bobbie and I fit together well, she's my life partner but in the entirely platonic sense of the word.”
Sandy nodded sagely and ran her fingers through his hair. “Take a sip darling, best stay hydrated in these trying times.”
Unbidden, Alex felt tears sting his eyes, but he didn’t wipe them away.
“You don’t let people take care of you very often, do you?”
Silence.
“I’m guessing you don’t even know how to ask for what you want, either.”
“No, ma’am.”
“Your past partners…?”
“I was married - technically am married. And have had other relationships in the past. It was never explicitly stated but I always felt pressure to always pursue and initiate. To be giving with no expectation of return. None of my partners ever questioned that and so neither did I.”
“Well, I think you deserve to have needs and have them met. Maybe I can’t give you that outside these walls, but if I had the power, I’d give you the confidence to ask for what you need, all areas of your life.”
Alex was beyond words, an incoherent whirlpool of deep sadness, relaxation ... and hope.
“Would you like me to stay the night?”
***
A short 72 hours later and Alex was back in his crash couch, feeling every thrum and pulse of The Roci as she geared up. Amos handed him a bulb of coffee before heading to his own couch.
“Amos? I’d actually like green tea, if you wouldn’t mind.”