Chapter Text
My family and their ✨problems ✨, the video was captioned.
Mum- Had so many kids she had to name them in alphabetical order to keep track
Anthony, 32- fell in love with a girl because she was mean to him, tried to marry her sister
Ben, 30- Slut. didn't recognize a previous one-night stand, tried to hit again, married her
Colin, 28- annoying, still in love with the girl he met on a cruise when he was 11
Daphne, 27- Didn’t know how sex worked until she was 21, had 4 kids in 4 years
El, 25- got a phd in women's studies, makes men at the pub call her ‘Doctor’
Frannie, 23- rebounded w her ex’s cousin when he moved away, now engaged to said cousin
Gregory, 19- should have been named Gremlin, friend-zoned the girl of his dreams till she started dating someone else, whipped
Hyacinth (me), 17- Princess, can absolutely do no wrong, special skills: breaking and entering
When she made the post she thought it'd only be seen by her friends, like the video where she made everyone lipsync a Kesha song at their Mum’s birthday brunch, but their Sunday roast dinner turned sibling roast TikTok was getting way more engagement than her social circle.
That meant that at the next week's dinner, she had to explain to all her siblings that 1, the internet was finally recognizing that she was the funniest Bridgerton, and 2, the people were asking for clarification on her very well-thought-out descriptions.
“Can’t wait to see you talk your way out of this one,” Greg said as he dug his elbow into her ribs at the dinner table, watching her fidget with her phone, opening and closing the TikTok app to verify the like count before speaking.
“Soooo,” Hyacinth began, trying to sound nonchalant as she called attention to herself, I may or may not have made a sibling video for my TikTok at last week’s dinner.” taking a second to glare at a smirking Gregory, she continued, “And it kinda sorta has 1.5 million likes…”
The table erupted with questions regarding her announcement her most irritating brother chimed in,
“I sent it to the family group chat!”
With that, the song she had put over the clips of her siblings playing from 10 separate devices, Kate and Sophie watching on their own phones while Daphne shared hers with their Mum.
If there was one thing to be said about Hyacinth Bridgerton, it was that she could never miss an opportunity to mess with her brothers and sisters; so even as she admitted to her past discretion, she has her phone propped against her water glass filming their reactions.
“Hyacinth!” Her mother scolded as her likeness came on the screen, but the young woman noticed the slight upturn of her lips.
“Ha! I'm sending this to Edwina,” Kate said, tapping away as the others continued watching.
“I’m a reformed slut!” Benedict interjected.
“I might not have had an orgasm til I was 21, but it lasted til I was 23,” Daphne interjected, high-fiving her husband, earning a horrified look from everyone who heard.
Eloise had sat back in her chair, smug that her biggest problem was that she was smarter than most men, Fran blushing next to her and probably texting Michael.
And Greg, poor Greg, was becoming more and more frustrated at the lack of anger coming from his family; poor boy thought he was finally pulling one over on his little sister, but instead of embarrassment, most of his older siblings were taking their ✨problems✨ in stride and smiling dopily at the spouses that somehow put up with them.
“Just to be clear, I’m posting this too,” Hyacinth said, picking up her phone and ending the recording.
It wasn’t until the next day when the comments started pouring in that she noticed how Colin had slumped down in his seat as the clip cycled through his screen again and again.
She opened the text thread with her older brother, including a screenshot of the many comments pointing out his sombre reaction to the family’s viral hit.
11:02
the ppl want to know why u are sad puppy
whats with the pout here colly
also
a disgusting amount of ppl are trying to hit on u via the comments so if u dont reply im gonna give them all ur phone number
When in doubt, resort to blackmail; a trick Hyacinth learned early on living with so many siblings.
11:07
I’m fine Hy
Don't worry about it
And if you leak my phone number I’m telling Anthony who really stole his good brandy on New Years.
11:08
you play dirty
seriously tho colin
urs was the nicest one yet u seem the most affected by it
11:10
I am fine, Hyacinth.
Done with his avoidance, the young girl hit call and waited for her brother to answer the Facetime.
The first thing she heard when they were connected was a discontented sigh from the other end.
“Yes?”
“Oh, do not play coy with me, Colin Bridgerton, you are in your feels and I should like to know why.”
“It’s nothing, it’s just-” He cleared his throat, “It is a memory, a fading memory that I haven’t let myself think about for a while, and I know it’s silly but I still can’t let it go.”
Hyacinth wished she knew what to say, but she had never seen such melancholy from her brother, and this change caused by her silly little video rendered her speechless.
“I just wonder what would have happened if we kept in touch, but that was the summer-”
It was the summer their father died, she knew. Of course, she wasn’t there, she was still baking inside her mother.
In fact, their mum had only just entered her second trimester when he passed, and now that she was doing the math, she feared her lunch would be making a comeback. Hyacinth Bridgerton was almost definitely conceived on the cruise.
She broke the silence they had been sitting in since Colin had trailed off with an appalled “Ew!”
and after explaining her outburst to her brother (she prided herself on being able to make him laugh by sharing her discovery,) they said their goodbyes.
With the trill telling her the call was ended, Hyacinth resigned herself to the fact she would be spending her free time digging through old photos to see if she could bring Colin’s fading memory back to life.
~
Hyacinth blew a piece of sweaty hair out of her face as she straightened up over the millionth box of dusty photo albums she had dug through, finally victorious. After a few long afternoons in the family's crowded loft, she had done it, and her hard-won treasure had her texting Colin, telling him she had a surprise.
When he arrived at Number 5, Hyacinth sat him down in one of the overstuffed seats of their drawing room and took out her phone.
“If you want to see what I found I am gonna film you, them’s the rules.”
“Fine, Hyacinth.” He said, sinking into the cushions, “Just show me.”
“Alright, well,” she held out the picture upside down as she focussed the camera on his face.
Taking the print gingerly in his hand and slowly flipped it over, his breath catching in his throat as he took in the memory.
It was a picture of 11-year-old Colin with a wide smile in the pool on the deck of the ship, the lanky boy wearing a blue swim shirt and leaning against the wall so his mum could take his picture; however, it was not his own grinning face that he was interested in, it was the ginger girl with two pigtails and a yellow ruffly one-piece who was happily tucked under the arm of his younger self that had tears filling his eyes.
“Oh my god,” he whispered, it was like he could almost smell the chlorine again.
“Colin?” Hyacinth asked softly, unsure how to help his sudden rush of emotions. Putting her phone down, she placed a soothing hand on his shoulder.
He swiped at his dewy eyes before he explained, “It’s stupid, it's just, after everything that happened with Marina, well- I just miss the magic I guess.”
She nodded, it had been 2 years since his ex had gotten pregnant with another man’s baby and it was apparent it still affected him, understandably so.
“This was the puppy dog kind of love that can only exist for kids, the pure kind of love.” Still looking at the photo, he tried to feel the sheer childlike joy that he was nostalgic for through the ink, “I mean obviously I didn't really love this girl,” he said smiling down at the ginger child who was missing one of her bottom teeth, “But for those two weeks, she was my very best friend and I wanted to be around her every second.”
Hyacinth sat down across from him, frankly a little shocked at the amount of emotion Colin was showing. He was typically so easygoing, even when he found out Marina cheated in front of the entire family he didn’t cry, or yell, or do much of anything besides shrug it off.
“She was my first kiss, did I ever tell you that?”
“No, you didn’t” Hy answered with a shake of her head, her siblings didn’t really talk to her about stuff like that, they felt like she was too young.
“It was the last night on the ship and they were having a farewell dinner; Penny and I stole a bunch of treats from the dessert trays and picnicked under one of the empty tables in the room next door,”
He sighed, looking at the ceiling, “She was worried that we’d never see each other again after the cruise ended, but I was adamant that wouldn’t happen, said Mum would talk to her parents so we could write to each other. They were from London too and 11-year-old Colin thought London was about 1 block wide.”
She stayed silent as he continued to reminisce.
“Anyway, she was sad and everything I knew about girls at that point I had learned from the romance movies Mum would sob over when she was pregnant with Fran and thought everything could be solved with a kiss. It was just a peck and we were both covered in chocolate, but it is still one of my favourite memories.”
With a wry laugh, he finished with, “I think that's the reason I love eclairs so much.”
Slapping her thighs, Hyacinth stood up from the couch quickly, shocking her brother from his sentimental daydream.
“Give me two weeks.”
“What?” He asked, confused as she made her way out of the sitting room, snatching up her phone on the way.
She turned in the doorway to face him again, “Give me two weeks to find your girl, if I don't, then she's dead.” And with that, she made her exit.
Hyacinth started a new group chat with all the siblings sans Colin.
13:42
mayday, colin is actually still in love with that girl on the cruise
im gonna need as much information as possible if im going to find her
999 i made him cry, please respond
Franchester- 13:48
YOU MADE HIM CRY?!
13:48
*photo from the cruise*
Daphnasty- 13:49
Oh god, now I'm crying!
E (formerly known as Smeloise)- 13:51
You’re pregnant, Daph… you’re always crying.
Daphnasty- 13:52
Shush you.
Ant- 13:54
Oh Lord
We went on the cruise for Colin's 11th birthday, the git was obsessed with travelling all the way back then
She knocked him in the pool on accident our first afternoon there and by the evening she was at the birthday dinner we had for him on the ship
Beans- 13:56
I'm pretty sure they were holding hands under the table
E (formerly known as Smeloise)- 13:57
I think she had some older sisters but tbh I kinda remember that they sucked
Beans- 13:59
They were definitely british
E (formerly known as Smeloise)- 13:59
I swear the whole family wore yellow. Every. Single. Day.
Daphnasty- 14:01
He cried when we parted ways at the dock, it was the saddest thing I had ever seen 😢
Grog- 14:03
Idk im too young to remember
14:04
then why r u speaking
With her newfound knowledge on Colin’s lost love, she opened the media app, green screening the picture behind her and started recording.
“Okay, since that first video went viral everyone on here has been desperate to reconnect my brother with cruise girl, so I risked my life crawling through our loft for two days to find this photo.” She made herself smaller on the screen to better show the image.
Hyacinth kept the girl steadily in the frame, hoping that someone would recognize her. “So this is Penny, this would have been the spring of ‘05. We are 90% sure she was British, her family only wore yellow and she had an undisclosed amount of older sisters. Oh! Also, I found out that I was most definitely conceived on this cruise ship, so this video better get enough likes to pay for the therapy necessary from that discovery.”
“So please, if you know this girl let me know because I have made some promises that I will have to break multiple laws to keep if no one pulls through.”
She added the clip of Colin seeing the photo for the first time, the part before he started crying, to the beginning then posted it.
~
“ Oh my god,” The man on the video said as she played it again,
“Oh my god!” Felicity sputtered through a mouthful of cereal, spitting the Krave back into the bowl, knowing if she tried to swallow she’d choke.
“Penelope!” She was on her feet, running to the bathroom door behind which her older sister was getting ready for a meeting with her editor.
“What?!” The woman swung the door open, standing in the threshold with liquid eyeliner dripping down her cheek. “Why are you screaming?”
“Did the family go on a cruise when you were little?” Felicity asked bouncing on the balls of her feet as Pen stared at her like she had grown a second head.
“That’s why you shrieked and I poked myself in the eye?”
“Just answer the question please!”
With a put-upon sigh, Penelope turned back to the mirror, trying to salvage her makeup before she was late.
“Yes, we went on a cruise when I was little, it was before you were born and Papa lost all of our money.” She answered.
“So then this is you.” She held the phone up to her sister, showing her the paused video of a girl talking over a picture of a young Pen.
“Oh my god!” The older girl shouted as she snatched the device out of her hand.
“That's what I said!”
“Where the hell did you get this?!”
“TikTok! Play it, I almost choked to death on my cereal!”
Pen pressed play on the video, transfixed on the man that she had known from so long before, “This is crazy,” Penelope marvelled, “this was a whole lifetime ago. You- you weren’t even born yet.”
She continued staring at the phone as it played through again, “I can’t- I didn’t think he remembered me.”
“Well, he does! And he’s hot, so finish getting ready and we can respond and-”
“No.”