Work Text:
Gavin spent the time between assignments improving his surveillance system, gradually turning the office into a data center. His latest project was automatic face recognition. He couldn’t efficiently process any significant amount of video feed yet, but he could handle photos.
A while ago, they gained access to the local police network. Hired one of Burnie’s specialists, recruited another officer. It was a serious investment, but it paid off. Every night Gavin’s system searched through all police reports filed that day to find matches for names, addresses, phone, credit card, license plate numbers, and now, faces they were interested in.
The next step was improving hardware and hooking up to cameras. The next-next step was controlling the city’s decisions on where to add public cameras and where to remove them.
***
Lindsay knocked on Gavin’s office door.
“Come in!” Gavin took off his headphones.
“Eight PM. Are you ready to go? I can come back later.”
“No, we can go now.” He logged out. “If we stop for hotdogs.”
***
“You said hotdogs. That’s a taco and you are eating it in my car.”
“I miss Jack.” A piece of lettuce fell out of Gavin’s mouth and landed on the paper bag.
“Me too. Everyone and anyone who usually drives you to the house.”
Gavin spaced out as he noticed an SUV with no license tag behind them. He felt like he’d seen it before. It quickly disappeared. “Huh?”
“Nothing.”
***
No one was home. Gavin dropped the rest of the food in the kitchen and went to his room. He connected to the office workstation and pulled a couple pictures of the driver from road cameras. No correlates among profile images in his databases. He added the driver to their ‘faces of interest’ list.
To his surprise, a day later he got a match notification. Someone drove over what turned out to be a human heart and called the police. They found a body in the woods by the highway.
***
Ryan took off the mask and threw it on the passenger seat as soon as the gate started closing behind him. He parked in the garage and got out of the car.
Gavin entered from the house. “Hi.”
“Gav, I need to talk to everyone, let’s go inside.”
“Did you kill the guy that was following me?”
Ryan froze. “I did.”
“Was he after me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Do you… do you want to take a walk?”
***
The area around the house was dark, besides the ground lights along some pathways and the bright spot of the pool. Gavin pointed at it.
They walked in silence, with their steps falling heavily. When they got there, Gavin pulled off his shoes, sat on the edge and put his feet in the water.
Ryan sat next to him, cross-legged. There was a nervous pause. “He was after you because of me.”
“He thought I was the weak link.” Gavin caught a floating leaf. “What’s going to happen now?”
“Whatever we decide.”
“It’s me and you who are the problem. If it was just you and the guys, they could handle it. If it was just me and the guys, there would be much less to handle.”
Ryan fell silent.
Gavin reached for the man’s hand and laced their fingers together. “Ry, do you think we all could talk tomorrow?”
“I can’t postpone this conversation any longer.” Ryan’s voice softened. “And I… don’t think I can deal with another possibly last night.”
“Let’s go then.”
***
Ryan held Gavin’s elbow while he was shaking the dirt off his feet at the porch. They could hear movie sounds coming from the house.
Gavin opened the door and the hall light switched on. He put the shoes he was carrying on the floor. Ryan took off his jacket.
Ray’s head poked from an armchair in the living room. "You’re back!”
Ryan waved and turned to put the jacket on a hanger. When he turned back, Ray was jumping on him. Ryan caught the man habitually and then gently put him back on the ground.
Ray glanced at their faces. “Okay, I feel like that was completely inappropriate. Fuck, did I hurt you? Are you injured?”
“I’m not injured. I just need to talk to you.”
“Like about getting new glasses, or?”
“No”, Ryan smiled a little. “To all of you.”
***
Everyone settled on the living room’s couch and chairs and waited for Ryan to speak.
“About two years ago, I took a hit on a guy who was involved in human trafficking. This week, his widow hired a man to kill Gavin.”
“What?!” Michal’s eyes widened. Jack turned the paused movie off.
“They’re both dead now.” Ryan said, evenly.
“Okay?” Ray took Gavin’s hand.
“She knew who I was and who Geoff was. She knew what my latest jobs were like. She did it anyway.”
Geoff sobered immediately. “Did the hire know?”
“I don’t think so. He just moved here.”
“What are you saying?” Michael demanded.
“I’m saying I was delusional when I thought I could just join your crew and move in with you.” Ryan kept all emotions out of his face. “A lot of people want revenge.”
“We all have fucking enemies”, Michael scowled.
“It’s different. You know yours. You take care of yours.” Ryan looked down. “Some people paid me extra for telling the target it was me who’s after them. Some paid to just say that. And I doubt that I got rid of everyone who used my name without permission.” Ryan’s leg started twitching. “Now all the interested parties are about to find out where I live and who I care about.”
“People will be targeting us. So what? Can deal with that.” Michael raised his voice, already standing.
“Most of them will be targeting Gav”, Ray noted with a sad expression on his face.
“F-fuck!” Michael let out a harsh breath.
“I have to leave”, Ryan said quietly.
Michael blinked at Ryan. Geoff opened and closed his mouth.
“What if we staged your death”, Jack suggested.
Michael glanced between them in disbelief.
“And later a mysterious dude joins your relationship? Too late for that”, Ryan said.
Ray turned to Ryan. “We should all leave together.”
“Or just me”, Gavin concluded.
Michael felt himself starting to move. He went out of the room and of the house, stomping on the steps. The doorstop finished his rash movement with a calm ‘whoop’. Ryan rubbed at his face with his hands.
Finally, Geoff spoke. “What we need to do is to think and continue tomorrow.”
“Okay”, Ryan nodded and went upstairs.
Geoff followed the man with his gaze in indecision, but then headed to the kitchen.
Ray squeezed Gavin’s hand. “I’m fine”, Gavin smiled at Ray before he could say anything. “I’ll just go. Think.” He left.
Jack sat in an armchair next to an empty Geoff spot. Ray settled next to him. “You don’t have an answer this time, do you?”
Jack hugged the man and kissed his cheek. “No.”
Ray relaxed at the touch and took out his phone to text Michael. “I’ll go check on him…” He hugged Jack back. “In five minutes.”
Jack pulled Ray closer.
***
Ray: Where r u?
Michael switched from running to walking and looked around.
Michael: The alley.
He turned on the flash-light app, dropped his phone on the ground and tried to relax.
When he saw Ray, he said, “This is insane. An hour ago, everything was alright.”
“Was it, though?” Ray carefully brushed Michael’s shoulder. “The last time everything was alright was when Ryan still believed in his and Geoff’s reputation.”
Michael looked away. “Fleeing doesn’t sit well with me.”
“We can’t ask Gavin to stay.”
“We can keep him safe!”
“Safe means ‘no one will hurt you’, not ‘there’s a decent chance you’ll come out of this alive’.”
“How can we ask Geoff and Jack to run? Pride and fucking life’s work aside, there are other people in the crew! What’ll happen to them?”
“Fuck, you are right.”
***
“All I can think about is how to prevent Gavin and Ryan from taking off.” Geoff wandered around the master bedroom with a glass in his hand. Jack was sprawled out on the enormous bed.
“What if I told Ryan him leaving won’t help?”
Jack paused for a second and then sat up on the bed. “That’s the worst thing you could possibly do.”
“Why? If he thinks there’s nothing he can do by himself for us…”
“But there is.”
“Like what?”
Jack put a finger gun to his temple.
Geoff had the most pitiful grimace on his face.
***
This morning Gavin was looking through the report. Brutal, yet theatrical nature of the case reminded him of Ryan immediately. The timing fit. When he read that there were no injuries on the body besides the chest wound, he had no more doubts and briefly wondered, how did Ryan even do it.
Gavin searched for links between latest murders he suspected to be Ryan’s and the ones he connected to the mad mercenary before they met. He succeeded, twice.
At that moment, he basically knew what was going on. He hoped for a different answer, but that one explained too much. His heart clenched when he thought of what that was going to put them through, what Ryan had been through already. He pushed those thoughts away to give himself a head start on the decision.
Fear was scratching at the back of his mind constantly.
***
“Ry, are you there?” Gavin knocked. “Can we talk?”
Gavin tried the door, it was open. He saw a silhouette on the balcony and went there.
“Ry?”
Ryan stood unnaturally straight, leaning against the wall with his shoulder. He raised his right arm, gesturing Gavin to wait. It was shaking.
Gavin took in the details fast. The man was pressing the other hand to his chest. His breathing would occasionally hitch, but otherwise was deep and leveled. “Can I touch you?”
Ryan gave a slow nod.
Gavin came closer and put a hand on Ryan’s waist, making sure he’d catch him if his trembling legs gave out. He joined Ryan in the breathing exercises he was very familiar with.
Three 5-2-5 rounds later, he helped the man to the couch behind them. He covered Ryan with a blanket. Placed a small pillow on his own bony lap and put Ryan’s head on it.
“Maybe you could sleep a little?”
Ryan closed his eyes. His forehead was covered in cold sweat. Gavin gently wiped it with the edge of his t-shirt and ran his fingers through tangled locks, putting them back in place.
Then he just sat there, growing confident in his decision. He fell half asleep too, listening to the leaves rustle. He felt a cold breeze and pulled the blanket up to cover Ryan’s neck.
***
Ryan woke up in an hour or so. He felt tired, but restless, like so many times before.
“Do you want to go to bed?” Gavin whispered.
“No”, Ryan cleared his throat. “We can talk now.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
Gavin collected his thoughts. “I never saw you have an attack. I thought you didn’t have them anymore.”
“I didn’t for a while. It was when we moved here.” Gavin was still running his fingers through Ryan’s hair. “We were in my room and you had a bad night. I woke up and you were having a flashback. It started… affecting me.”
“Shh…”
“I felt like an idiot. We lived together, just the two of us, and it never occurred to me we might end up triggering each other…” Ryan’s breathing fastened. “Which, I’m realizing, is ten times more likely to happen right now…” He dropped his feet on the floor and sat up.
“It’s not happening, I’m fine. It’s ok.”
Ryan forced himself to calm down. “I thought I could take care of you.”
“And you did.”
“But I ran downstairs and texted Ray.”
“You taught me how to deal with it. Even if Ray wasn’t there, I would’ve managed.”
“I was too happy to see the situation clearly. It hit me then”, Ryan’s voice cracked, “I’d already fucked up.”
Gavin cupped the man’s cheek. “We should talk another time.”
Ryan kept speaking.
“The mad mercenary must’ve died with Edgar. Before anyone else could figure out that we were involved. That was our only chance.”
“I tried to fix it. Started taking jobs, started getting rid of people who threatened me. But that woman… wasn’t even on my list…”
“The worst thing is a part of me knew that wouldn’t work. And I put you all in danger for a few more month… of what? Me making everyone miserable? You were the best thing that happened in my shitty life and I couldn’t bring myself to let go of it.” Ryan gasped for air. “I’m still doing it. Why the fuck am I here?”
Gavin stared at him, stunned. “All this time… you were thinking that?” He dropped to his knees in front of Ryan and took the man’s hands in his own. “Ry, you are so wrong. And no one has to go.”
Gavin built up the courage to finally say what he was holding in.
“I’m not who I used to be. I want to fight now, too.”
“Mostly not literally, but, if it comes to that, literally, as well. Geoff and Jack take risks and enjoy what they have at the moment. I want to be like that.”
“I’m scared, but I’m not terrified. You don’t need to look after me the way you used to. I still suck with knives and guns, but I have other skills. Ones I can protect you with. All of you.”
“I love you more than anything, Ry. You’ve helped me so much. Please, believe in me.”
Ryan looked up at him. “You really would do that?”
“Yeah.”
“You are the most valuable part of our team. You absolutely are capable of protecting us.”
“But?”
“It still might be too much.”
“I know. Nevertheless. This is what I want to do.”
“Please, sleep on your decision. And listen to everything the others have to say before you announce it.”
“Okay. I will. If you take a pill and I see you fall asleep before I do.”
Ryan nodded.
***
The next morning was a gloomy one. Jack made food he knew would probably not be eaten. Michael tidied the kitchen, just to have something to do. Geoff dozed off with his head on the table. Ray sat next to him and changed channels on the TV absentmindedly.
“Hey!” Gavin entered. Everyone but Geoff greeted him. Gavin kissed the top of Geoff’s head, waking him up.
“Hi… Where’s Ryan?” Geoff rubbed his eyes.
“I talked him into taking a pill last night. He’s still out.”
“Is he ok?”
“No.” Gavin frowned. “He’s on the verge of a breakdown. Yesterday I walked in on him having a panic attack.”
Jack turned off the stove and made a move to the door. Gavin stopped him.
“Stay. The best thing we can do for him is to decide as quickly as possible.”
“Okay. You guys are leaving. I’m staying with the rest of the crew for debriefing to join you later.” Geoff said.
“Or the lads leave for a bit while the gents take care of most of the mess.” Ray chimed in.
Geoff hooked a thumb toward Ray. “Or that.”
“Basically, we aren’t fucking breaking up.” Michael concluded.
“And if we have to split for a moment, neither you nor Ryan stay alone.” Jack added.
Gavin took a deep breath. “I don’t want to run. I want us all to stay. I can manage. I understand what’s about to happen and I’m not suicidal. I just think we are capable of containing the shitstorm.”
Michael crossed the kitchen in two large steps and hugged Gavin, squeezing him tight.
“Gav”, Ray let out.
Gavin lifted his head from Michael’s shoulder to look at Ray’s concerned face. “Don’t make me do the speech again, just trust me.”
“You are certain?” Geoff asked.
“I am.”
“Then the first plan is to stay. We’ll see how it goes. Anyone can change their mind at any point. But not, and I can’t stress this enough, not secretly. Not without talking to us.” Geoff stood up. “I’ll go tell Ryan.”
***
Geoff felt his heart race and his eyes water as he walked up the stairs. He shook it off and prepared to deliver the information as lightly as possible. He knocked on Ryan’s bedroom door.
Ryan opened in a moment. He was brushing his teeth. He waved at Geoff and went back to the bathroom.
Geoff followed him, put down the toilet lid and sat on it. He was directly behind Ryan and could see the man’s face in the mirror.
“You missed the meeting. It was brief. We decided, as Michael poetically put it, that we are not fucking breaking up.” Geoff smiled at Ryan’s reflection. “We were all ready to leave. Besides Gav. He said he decided to stay and he was pretty convincing. Since that’s what we all wanted anyway, that is the plan. We can change it at any point. Do you agree?”
“Yes.”
“Great! I’ll go crush in the bed.”
***
Geoff took his pants off, climbed under the covers and turned on the TV. He was overwhelmed, hungover and worried.
He heard the shower turn on.
Geoff looked through the shows and movies and picked Star Trek XI.
Ten minutes later, Ryan walked out of the bathroom in a towel. Geoff smiled and followed him with his usual mesmerized stare. Then he really looked at the man and stopped smiling. He hadn’t seen Ryan naked in a while.
When Ryan hunched, his backbone and shoulder blades poked. He lost a lot of muscle mass. His movements were sluggish.
How could I let this go on for so long?
Ryan put on a fresh set of clothes, crawled in next to Geoff and put his head on the man’s shoulder. Geoff was swallowing tears at this point.
By the time Vulcan got sucked into a black hole, Geoff had his shit together. Now he was just waiting for a light moment in the movie he remembered to be a fucking action comedy. When Kirk was sent to Delta-Vega, he spoke.
“Ry, I’m so sorry. I thought you got tired of us. Or, at the very least, I thought you had personal space the size of Australia and wasn’t comfortable around people who aren’t afraid of you.”
Ryan scoffed. “The second guess isn’t that far off, but you are an exception.”
Geoff shoved the rest of what he wanted to say back in his throat and just kissed Ryan’s temple.
“We need to plan our defense”, Ryan said.
“What we need to plan is our attack, defenses are in place. This house is our fortress. We don’t have to do shit right now and you definitely can rest.”
“Okay.”
***
They finished the movie.
Geoff shifted. “I’m fucking hungry, are you?”
“I guess.”
“Are you going with me?”
“Yeah.”
They went downstairs.
Jack saw them and jumped up.
“Hey”, Ryan waved.
The lads turned to him.
“Okay, I know we are all super relieved and filled with warm fuzzy goo inside”, Geoff said.
Gavin retched.
“Exactly. Please express your emotions in the least gay way possible.”
Jack whacked Ryan’s shoulder. “Glad to see you, bro.”
Ryan chuckled.
Michael moved and patted the couch space between him and Ray. Ryan sat down. Ray whispered something in his ear and kissed his lips.
Ryan smiled. He took Michael’s hand and relaxed on the couch. The guys engaged in a conversation he wasn’t really listening to. He didn’t want to put pressure on Gavin by saying it out loud, but all he thought was thank you.