Chapter Text
Nashville.
He was exhausted. Somewhere in the back of his head he could feel the unforgiving grip of sleep deprivation pulling at him, making itself heard as the coffee he had this morning barely made a dent in his delirious tiredness- he yawned, his grip tightening onto the bannister then, the cacophony of noise around him blending into a massive blanket of white noise.
The whirlwind of the last 72 hours have yet to really register in his head, his body riding a rollercoaster compiled entirely of adrenaline and serotonin as his excitement had smeared entirely over the extreme jet lag and stress cowering within the back of his mind. That is, until now- as he stood within the oddly comforting yet exposed space of the now familiar white tent, stood in anticipation as he willed for the coursing excitement around the stadium to enter him somehow, feeding off the energy of the space as he watched the dim stage distractedly.
The sudden roar of the stadium coming to life shoved him violently out of his momentary trance then, his body falling easily into the same routine as the crowd as he responded eagerly, clapping and standing upright now as his eyes were transfixed onto the stage, alongside 70 000 matching pairs of eyes.
-
Her friends were around him, something he was more subconsciously aware of than acutely present of as his eyes were determined to stay fixed on the stage- on her- barely able to break his concentration, and only really for seconds at max- like when Gigi would lean over and some kind of teasing comment would be heard under the all consuming sound of the speakers- as he’d just repeat the polite banter of laughing and brushing it all off, unable to not be watching her, entirely mesmerised by her presence as a performer, and her ability to put on a show of such a scale- and ultimately, unable to believe that they were…whatever they were now…
We're drivin' down the road
I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool
Run your hands through your hair
Absent mindedly makin' me want you
He had been nodding along, mouthing the words absentmindedly- until her eyes caught his- even across the expanse of the stadium, her eyes somehow managed to bear into his, bridging the distance between them as if it didn’t even exist at all as he found himself entirely transfixed, mesmerised by her happiness which was so incredibly contagious- a huge smile breaking against his face as he even had to bite his lip to contain his heartbeat, his grin so wide as he shook his head ever so slightly, disbelief painting his every move. She was gonna be the death of him.
-
July 2023.
“-Do you ever think about nashville?” he’d asked, the odd sound coming through from his end as he ruffled through his closet half-heartedly, rummaging for his white shirt as he kept looking back to see her watching him, stealing glances whenever he could as his fingers dug through the row of clothes.
“-like my home nashville? Or the nashville shows in particular?” she responded easily, amusement painted in her voice as she watched him, seated on her couch comfortably as Benjamin laid on her lap, petting him as she waited for him, laughing softly at how distracted he was as it was taking longer and longer for him to locate that damn shirt- not that she was complaining, of course.
“Erm- the shows- you know…when I was there-" he answered, his head ducking out of frame then as he’d finally found his button-up, shrugging it on quickly as the unbuttoned shirt swayed with his every movement, ducking back in frame quickly as he moved to his bed.
“Of course I remember- I keep telling you how much I miss seeing you in the tent,” she said wistfully, an unspeakable melancholy swimming in her chest then as she shot a saddened smile at him, knowing he understood.
“I miss being there too- you know that love,” he said, and it was true- not that he was going to admit that he still caught up with the tour through scrolling on his burner tiktok account right now-
“Mm-" she hummed, a noncommittal sound as she nodded gently, “what about the nashville shows?” she asked then, curious on why he’d brought this up.
“Just- reminiscing I suppose……” he said, mindlessly buttoning his shirt as he cringed slightly at himself, not an uncommon response around her as he finally took a moment to pause, turning to focus on her as he ruffled his still-wet hair “sorry- I don’t actually know where I was going with this- think I just…miss that feeling-“
Shit. What the hell was he even talking about?- would’ve been words running on a sped up loop in his head if this were them months ago- but after the chaos and whirlwind of the past year- hell, May alone…blatant honesty between them had become the better part of their relationship, having had experienced the rollercoaster of extreme public scrutiny and consequently figuring things out together…they were perhaps the only two people who understood exactly what it all felt like…and he thanked whatever higher power existed (if it did) for having her there for it everyday.
She sighed, nodding as she glanced at him, though familiar in seeing his face on a screen, it was nothing like having him there, sitting with her on the very same couch, not even a month ago- “I miss it too,” she simply said. The words hung between them heavily then as they both glanced at each other, studying one another in a mutually agreed silence as he felt the familiar longing within him slowly resurface, tugging heavily at him.
PR, cancellations, media tactics, a barrage of articles- the insanity of the rise and fall of their relationship going public spawned and vacated his mind in such an unfathomable measure of speed that he often questioned if the past month had even happened- it was intentional of course, and it obviously worked as he knew more than half the people screaming murder at him just weeks ago had moved onto other carcasses of social media discourse- disgusting, even by his standards.
A wall of complications aside, the truth stared plain and simple back at him now, stranded emptily in his head now that every other distraction had seemingly been absolved: he missed her.
The onslaught of noise and the endless parade of the media and having to put out every fire that seemingly appeared endlessly had distracted the both of them for the better part of their first few weeks apart- how was he going to address things on stage? how would he deal with the flood of attention on his band, his boys, his family? how would he deal with not seeing her for yet another few months? how would they manage under so much weight?- were just some of the endless list of questions running on loop in his head; but now, not having had seen her for so long…did it even matter?
He just wanted to see her.
Hell, no wonder his headspace was swimming in the air of the Nashville nights again- damn it.
“-Matty-“ she said first, breaking the blanket of silence over them as he looked at her, not even having been aware that he’d been staring away at his bed for a while now-
His eyes were on her, a soft nod indicating that he was paying attention as he felt his heart pull at him even more at the sight of her- god, she was beautiful.
“-we’ll be okay,” she simply said, looking at him with so much meaning behind her eyes as he found himself having to fight back tears for a second- fucking hell, he could never quite keep himself together around her.
He nodded, biting his lip as he pushed back the slight sheen of tears in his eyes, looking away momentarily before looking at her again, “-I know,” he said, offering a small smile as an understanding passed between them, mirroring countless parallel moments over the last month as they had understood the sacrifice of what committing to this would mean for the both of them.
A beat.
“-So……evermore huh?” he said, changing the topic for something lighter as he watched her immediately light up, his own heart lifting at the sight.
“How did you- you’re still stalking tiktok?” she asked, leaning closer as her mouth hung agape, amusement shining in her eyes.
“-Maybe,” he said, chuckling lightly as he ruffled his curls-
“You’re so-“ she shook her head, though laughter obvious in her voice as she eyed him, “I love you, you know that?”
The sentence was so sudden it had genuinely caught him off guard- though having heard it in person, through countless calls, through text, and even on stage in front of thousands…he’d never tire of the sound of those words coming from her lips.
His face broke into an uncontrollable smile then, a massive, abashed grin on his face as he looked at her, “I love you too.”