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Jeremy couldn’t stop staring at his cellphone as he processed the phone call he’d just shared with his mom. It was jarring, out of nowhere. His mom’s calls had gotten more rare the longer it’d been since she’d left for Long Island, and this one was the first since he’d finished his junior year. It was almost September now.
While usually it was just to ask how things were doing, like she felt obligated to check in, today she had some news, news that Jeremy really wasn’t prepared to hear. News Jeremy didn’t want.
She was having a baby. A baby girl. Something she’d always wanted, ever since Jeremy could remember. Just another slap in the face, confirming to Jeremy that she’d moved on from him.
He didn’t know what to do, what to think, how to process, so he did the first thing that he could think of. He called Michael. He’d considered calling Christine instead, as her parents had divorced too, although her dad took her with him when he moved, but he’d decided Michael would be better for this situation, just because Michael had been there when Jeremy’s mom left in the first place, and he knew generally how to handle situations like this and what Jeremy needed from him.
As the phone rang he considered everything. Considered why she wanted him to know so badly she was having a baby, specifically a baby girl. She didn’t seem to want him to visit, having made excuses as to why he couldn’t when she first left until Jeremy just stopped asking. What was the point? Was she just rubbing it in that she was better off now? Rubbing it in that she got everything she’d ever wanted, sacrificing Jeremy and his dad in the process?
“Hey, bud.” Michael’s voice came suddenly through the phone, easy and happy while he didn’t know what was going on, “What’s happening?”
“Michael, my mom called me.” Jeremy’s voice was moving quickly, and he sounded more upset than he meant to. Sure, he was pissed and heartbroken, but he didn’t want to cause worry this early.
Michael was worried though, immediately, and his tone changed accordingly to match the situation, “Oh. How’d the call go?” He was trying to come at the situation delicately. He’d learned to follow Jeremy’s lead in conversations like this, figuring whatever he said next would set the tone for how he should react. Sometimes Jeremy was excited when she’d call, sometimes sad, sometimes angry, and sometimes he didn’t feel anything at all.
“She’s pregnant! She’s having a baby in March!” Jeremy, again, was cursing himself for having little control over his voice. All of the anger he was feeling about the situation came through, making him feel like an asshole for even being mad in the first place. What kind of person was this angry to find out someone was having a baby?
Michael was quiet for a minute, seeming unsure how he should respond. Eventually, after a bit of fumbling and delaying his response, he came up with, “And she made it a point to tell you. Even though she barely reaches out to see how you are.”
Jeremy sighed, at least grateful Michael understood why he was upset. He didn’t always. “Exactly my point. Like- what, is she just trying to taunt me? ‘Look, Jeremy, I’ll finally have a baby girl, leaving you was worth it.’ I don’t know why else she’d tell me, she’s never invited me to stay with her or even visit, so I don’t think it’s so I can get to know her and be like a family or whatever. It’s weird.”
“Bro, that’s fucked up. I’m sorry.” Michael’s voice was sympathetic, “How are you feeling?”
Jeremy swallowed, figuring he should at least be honest, “I dunno. Angry? Sad? Betrayed? How could she do this to me, you know? Everything was fine before she left.” He’d gone down this spiral before, saying that everyone was happy until his mom left, how could she leave? But he knew that wasn’t true either. “Or… I guess it wasn’t fine. But it always felt like she didn’t even try to make it work. She didn’t want me, she didn’t want me to come live with her in Long Island, not even just on weekends. She wanted a clean slate. She wanted a girl.” Jeremy’s voice was wavering, and he hated that. She’d left two years ago, now. Why couldn’t he move on?
Michael was quiet again for a little while, seeming entirely unsure what to say here. Jeremy needed his support, more than anything, but Michael couldn’t help if he didn’t have the words. So, he tried a different approach, “How about this? If you want I can come get you, and we can hang out for a while. Maybe it’ll get your mind off of things? Or at least if you want to keep talking about this, I can actually be there to help.”
That was always Michael’s offer when Jeremy talked about his mom. He’d mentioned once or twice that he always felt like he was just useless over the phone while Jeremy was hurting, but honestly, Jeremy disagreed. Michael did a lot, even if he didn’t seem like it. If anything else, just having him listen made Jeremy feel better.
On the other hand, the idea of just driving around town, or maybe hanging out at Michael’s to play video games or get high? It sounded like just what Jeremy needed. He’d gotten out what he wanted to say already, so a distraction was perfect.
“Yeah, man. That sounds great.” Jeremy stood to change his clothes, having still been in the ones he slept in, “See you in five?”
“Yeah, see you in five.” Michael confirmed, and Jeremy hung up after that.
Maybe a distraction would help clear his mind. Maybe when he came back to the thought of his mom having a baby, he wouldn’t see it as a betrayal. Maybe he’d even be happy for her, like she probably wanted him to be. Like he maybe should’ve been.
Maybe it’d all be okay.