Work Text:
CHAT:
[23:31] RedRevolver71: Tomorrow. 9am. 6106 Marabuchi st.
[23:34] WhiteHairedHitman119: ???
[23:36] WhiteHairedHitman119: thats a mcDonalds????
[23:36] RedRevolver71: Don’t be late.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-9:03 am-
-Outside McDonald’s-
-Another day in the 25th ward…-
Kuroyanagi and Shiroyabu stood in front of the door to the 25th ward’s first McDonalds. Although you never would have been able to tell from the outside. The building was coated in the same white, blocky, design as the rest of the 25th ward, making it indistinguishable from the other buildings on the street. Even the “golden arches” themselves were white.
“So why did you want to meet here?” Shiroyabu barked.
“I’ll tell you inside.” Kuroyanagi replied.
Kuroyanagi pulled the door open for Shiroyabu, and made a gesture telling him to go ahead.
—
The white-haired man stepped through the door. His nose was filled with the nostalgic smell of fries and fat. The restaurant itself was surprisingly empty for a Thursday morning. There was a short line at the cash register but all the seats were empty. Honestly, he couldn’t remember the last time he was in a McDonalds, it was probably back when he was just a snot-nosed kid. When was the last time he even ate out at a restaurant? Lost in these thoughts, Kuroyanagi snapped him back to reality:
“Let’s sit.”
Shiroyabu followed Kuroyanagi to a cramped booth towards the back. They sat facing each other across the booth. Light came in from the window between them, which gave view to the city’s morning traffic, and the 25th ward’s near-constant grey skies.
“Akama tipped me off to a guy who worked for the postal federation. He’s since gone AWOL but hasn’t been processed yet. I did some sleuthing myself and found he’s been working here. Fucker’s been flipping burgers day and night so he doesn’t have to face the world” Kuroyanagi explained.
“But now we’ve found him?”
“Bingo, and we’re here to take him in for some ‘questioning’ ourselves.” Kuroyanagi smirks. “Anyways, we should probably get going.”
Shiroyabu made a disappointed face.
“Can we order something first?”
“What do you mean?” Kuroyanagi said, confused at the question.
“Well I’m hungry, and it's not like he’s going anywhere.” Shiroyabu points at the front desk with his thumb. “might as well eat before we work.”
“You’re hungry? Why did you come to work hungry? You’re a detective for fucks sakes, act professional for once.”
“You’re the one who wanted us to meet at a restaurant first thing in the morning, sorry if I wanted to eat”
“...”
“Listen, I’m going to order, do you want fries or not?”
“I’m coming with you.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They make their way to the front of the store, there’s still a short line before the counter. The person at the front seems to be ordering for a clown car’s worth of people, much to the employee’s dismay. Shiroyabu instinctually lines up, Kuroyanagi follows. Shiroyabu looks over at Kuroyanagi.
“Hey are you ok?”
“Yeah why do you ask?”
“I dunno… you just seem a little on edge.”
“Well, I wanted to process this guy! When was the last time we fucked a guy up!”
“We haven’t ‘messed a guy up’ because we’ve been doing our jobs properly!”
“Killing guys is part of our job.”
In the middle of this mess, a third voice rings out:
“Next!” a disgruntled cashier said to no one in particular.
Shiroyabu is taken by surprise.
“Shit it's me.” he walks over the counter “this isn’t over.” he states semi-seriously and does the I’m watching you motion to Kuroyanagi. Shiroyabu turns around to a stone-faced employee, obviously displeased
“hi… welcome to mcdonalds… can i take your order…” said joylessly by the cashier.
“Uh can I get a Big Mac, no pickles… uh… can you make that a meal with a medium fry?”
the cashier doesn’t seem to be paying attention, continuing the same blank expression as before.
“Uh… 6 pieces of nuggets and a large Sprite.”
The cashier remained silent, she wasn’t even writing down the order.
“Uh… hello? Are you o-”
“what name” she said in a low voice.
“What?”
“what name do you want called when it’s ready” she said matter-of-factly.
“Uh, ‘Shiroyabu’?” he nearly forgot his own name.
“thatll be 15.34” she continues with her dull tone.
Shiroyabu passes her a 20$ bill.
"Keep the change" Shiroyabu hated hearing his pockets jingle.
The cashier takes the bill, and her eyes suddenly go wide.
"Thank you!!!" The cashier sings in an excited tone.
Before he can even respond, the cashier takes off to go prepare the order.
"Weirdo…"
Finished with his order, Shiroyabu looked around to see Kuroyanagi sorting out her own order. With nothing to do while waiting, he returned to their table and checked emails on his flip phone.
—--
-Meanwhile, at the front counter-
“Okay, I want a medium coffee and… uhh” she glances at the screens displaying the menu “i’ll have a jelly donut with it too.”
“That's nearly 400 calories!”
“So?”
“You can’t have that many calories in the morning. You’ll start your day off on the wrong foot!” the cashier explains.
“This is a McDonalds.”
“That's why I’m here!”
“What?”
“That’s why I took this job! If I can get someone to choose a healthier option, I’ll be saving people’s diets one-by-one.” he exclaims profoundly.
“Just let me order my fucking donut, I don’t have time for this.” she says, exasperated.
“I can’t let you do that in good conscience ma’am, it’s unhealthy.”
Kuroyanagi takes a second to come up with plan.
“How’s this? You let me order, and I will never come to McDonalds again.” She smirked.
“Throw in a 3 dollar tip for improving your life, and we got a deal”
“Ugh, fine”
—-
Kuroyanagi makes it back to the table, Shiroyabu was already sitting there, eating his food. Right ash she sat down, a voice called out:
“Order for Jabroni!”
…
Shiroyabu sighs.
“You didn’t.”
“I did. Sounds like you should go get it.” Now Kuro is smirking.
Defeated, Shiroyabu went to pick up the tray of food and brought it back to the table, to Kuroyanagi’s delight. Once Jabroni sits down, she starts poking at her donut.
“Oh yeah, some fucking clod at the cash register didn’t let me order”
“He didn’t let you order?”
“No he said my coffee and donut was ‘too unhealthy’, he made me tip him 3 dollars so I could get my food.”
“Everyone’s running a con these days…”
“You think it’s a con? I mean do whatever you gotta do, I’m sure they’re being paid like 2 bucks an hour.” Kuroyanagi takes a bite.
“Hell, If the HCU paid me that much, I'd start extorting people too.” Shiroyabu responds.
“Eh, I’d do this for free.”
“Really?” White says between bites of his burger.
“Investigating, processing, there’s a certain thrill to it that can’t be replicated.”
“Detective work’s fun, but paying the bills is better.”
Kuroyanagi takes a sip of her coffee, and makes a sour face.
“Ugh, this coffee sucks by the way…”
“I mean, you get what you pay for, it is McDonald’s.”
“But this is fucking rancid, I don’t know how other people are drinking this.” She takes another sip and continues talking: “Y’know, a block from here, there’s a cafe with all ethically-vegan-slavery-whatever beans, but they have the best Americano I’ve ever tasted.”
“Ha, maybe you’re too ‘gourmet’ for McDonald’s coffee…” Shiroyabu mocked, “A couple years ago, I lived off this stuff cause it was cheap.” He took another fry. “Sure beat canned coffee.”
“I think, I’d rather drink canned coffee than this shit.” Kuroyanagi finally puts down her cup.
Just as Jabroni was digging into his meal, a deafening gunshot tore through the building from one of the back rooms.
“Fuck!” Kuroyanagi stood up.
She ran for the front counter, slid over it like a car’s hood, and headed towards the source of the sound, the back kitchen. Shiroyabu dropped his burger and followed in close pursuit. Just as Kuroyanagi made it to the kitchen, a suited figure with short hair slipped through the back door.
Kuroyanagi ran to follow the man only to find he’s disappeared through the winding back alleys of the 25th ward. She made her way back to the restaurant.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-9:27 am-
-McDonald’s Kitchen-
Kuroyanagi took in the scene before her. The burger chef’s head was splattered all over the kitchen, they’d have to pick bits out of the fryer. The corpse, laid stomach down on the floor in a pool of blood, leg still twitching. They both stood there, looking at the corpse, staring their failure right in the eye.
“Motherfuckers stole my kill…” Kuroyanagi said disappointedly.
“You want me to call Hirooka?”
“I don’t think we’ll need an autopsy.”
Shiroyabu sighed.
“I’m going back to my burger.”