Chapter Text
Jeremy was in a stump, listening to the piece over and over again until it became burned in his mind.
The cycle of composing and composing and composing was tearing him apart. Michael warned him that he should take it easy, that he should just calm down and take a break everyone in a while.
However, Jeremy was already spiraling out of control. It was like he only had one purpose, a purpose that he was meant to serve. A purpose that would lead him to finally feeling like somebody who mattered. Somebody who wasn’t a screwup that ended up losing everyone who was close to him.
The Demo is finally done. He smiles to himself, although, he couldn’t find himself to be proud. He could appreciate the melodies, the soft sound but it was not enough. He was not enough. Nothing was enough.
It’s good. It’s very well done. It sounds like a beautiful song with a great melody. He stops for a moment. But…
Jeremy could still remember that day. When they had went to the Empty Sekai and tried to save JD or well, Jake.
Jeremy could still remember how he saw Jake. The Jake Dillinger in the flesh for the first time since sophomore year. He looked so tired. Tired of everything. Jeremy couldn’t stop the ache in his heart when he saw Jake’s perfect aura, the persona he put on for others. The persona he put on for the rest of Middleborough, it had faded away like it was nothing.
It was what it was, a persona and it was a part of him that he kept on the surface yet it never showed his true feelings.
It was like a perfectly crafted lie made by him. He held no true feelings. To him, they were nonexistent.
Jeremy remembers Jake looking at him, a tired look mixed with absolute rage and frustration.
“I’M TIRED!” Jake’s yells echoed through the Empty Sekai. “I’m tired.. of every single time I look and I look and I look and I fucking look! I can’t find it! Then I look again and i feel this shitty pain and despair all over again.”
“What am I supposed to do, Rem?”
Jeremy felt his heart drop for him. He couldn’t bare to see the poor boy, the boy who he had thought of as his friend, suffer in this way. A sense of determination was injected into Jeremy’s veins which caused him to make a promise.
“Then I’ll keep composing, JD.”
Jake’s tired eyes widened. It was more prevalent now than ever about how the light in his eyes had disappeared. Jeremy didn’t know if there was even a light at all. “Huh?” Jake says, he didn’t understand.
“Even if this song doesn’t save you, I’ll keep composing until I make one that does.” Jeremy didn’t even let Jake say his response. He kept on going, a newfound purpose was finally had. “I’ll keep on composing. And I won’t stop until you can find yourself.”
Jeremy remembers that day. That day where he made a vow.
To save Jake.
He gets snapped out of his memory and is brought back to the present. That’s when the problem finally dawns on him and a level of uncertainty starts to rise. “Can this song really save JD?”
He sighs and goes over to Nightcord. “It’s already 25:00. I didn’t realize time passed by that quickly.” Jeremy doesn’t even recall if he ate already, maybe if Michael was here he’d convince him to get a snack but Jeremy wasn’t focused on himself.
He was focused on this new piece.
And nothing was going to change that.
“Hey!” A voice rang. It was Lanna or well, Jenna Rolan. One of the members of Middleborough at 25:00. Silly name, he knows and yet, that school managed to bind them together. It was poetic and strange in a way. “How’s everyone? Those songs aren’t gonna write themselves, y’know?”
“Not so loud, Lanna. I’m trying to text a friend, right now.” That voice belonged to Val who was also known as Chloe Valentine.
“Come on, Val. Where’s your enthusiasm? We’re making a song today! I’m sure it’ll mash well with your art, huh?” Jenna said with a cheerful tone. “And who are you texting? Is it another one of your hookups?”
“Shut it, Lanna! And I can’t be any more excited than I am, right now.” Chloe sighs. “I pulled an all-nighter, trying to finish these drawings. Man, it was a damm pain.” She pauses before continuing. “You were up with me as well, Lanna! God, where are you getting that energy from, you stamina freak?”
“Stamina freak?!” Jenna laughs in amusement at Chloe. “Man, that sure is an insult. Well, it’s hard to be a gossip nowadays so I do need a lot of stamina. How else would I be able to know what everyone’s doing all the time?”
“Shut up, Lanna. That isn’t even how it works.”
“Guys?” Jeremy finally speaks up. “Has anyone seen JD?”
“Huh? Oh, right, I haven’t heard him yet.” He could practically hear Chloe’s eyes rolling. “But I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“Hm? But he’s logged in..? That’s strange. Wouldn’t he have said something by now?” Jenna questions, inserting herself in the conversation.
“JD, are you there?” A moment of silence passed when Jeremy had said that. However, in time, he hears JD’s voice.
“Yeah, I’m here.” The voice of JD was heard in the call. Jeremy could only flinch at the familiar cold voice that he still wasn’t used to.
“Okay, good.” A light smile graced Jeremy’s features once he had heard the voice.
“Geez, JD. You could’ve spoken up sooner. We don’t have all day, do we?” Chloe says, irritated. She never got along with Jake but he never really had an interest in fighting back. He just took the punches.
“I’ll remember to do that next time.” Jake said, his tone made it seem like he was unfazed by Chloe’s words and that set her off.
“Listen here, you-“
“Alright, you two need to calm down. Or well, Val needs to calm down.” Chloe scoffs at Jenna’s words but stays silent. “Anyways, Rem’s finished with the new song, right? Can’t wait to listen to the demo!”
“Right, yeah, I’m sending the demo now.”
Silence. Silence was in the call while a faint melody was playing. Jeremy never liked the silence. He always loved to hear music while he was composing. Now, it was barely heard and most of the call was pure silence.
And Jeremy didn’t like the silence. It reminded him of a distant memory he couldn’t get rid of.
“It’s so beautiful.” Jeremy hears Chloe say before she coughs. “I mean you’re pretty good at this thing, Rem so I wouldn’t expect less.” She says nonchalantly.
“I think that’s Val’s way of saying she liked it.” Jenna chuckled. “But I did too! There were images that were floating around my mind when I listened to it. It’s like it told a story without any words.”
“Alright, that’s good.” Now, Jeremy knew it was time for the billion dollar question. He noticed that Jake was still silent. He took a dee breath. “So what about you, JD?”
“What do you mean?”
“How did the song make you feel?”
Jake paused for a moment, seemingly to collect the thoughts he had. “I thought it was very.. you, Jeremy.”
Jeremy didn’t know how to take that.
And Chloe noticed that too. “JD, that’s not what he meant. Did you like it? Did you hate it? Give Rem something to work with.”
“I didn’t hate it.” Jake responded, after a few seconds of silence.
“So you liked it?” Jenna questions him.
“Not really, I think?”
“What are you talking about?” Chloe asked him exasperatedly.
“If you liked something, you would have some feeling about it and instantly know.” Jake explained. “But I just didn’t feel that way for the song.”
“I see.” Jeremy finally understood what he meant and now, he could have a peace of mind with the criticism that was given to him.
Chloe didn’t see it that way. “That’s a shit thing to say to Rem, JD.”
“I was just answering him honestly.”
“Okay now, you-“
“Woah, hey, it’s okay! Val, how about we calm down for a bit, yeah?” Jenna says, interrupting Chloe who was probably about to drag Jake through the mud.
“I’m fine, Val. Thank you, though. And you too, Jake.” Jeremy wore a faint smile. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
“Sure.” Jake paused for a moment before he spoke up again. “I have to head to bed. Good night.”
“Night.” Jeremy greeted.
“See ya, JD” Jenna said before Jake left the call. She could hear Chloe sigh. “What’s up, Val?”
“He’s finally gone.” She groans. “It’s so tiring having to deal with him and his stupid remarks.”
“Woah! You’re dropping some snide remarks when JD immediately leaves the call? I love this gossip, Val! Tell me more, Little Miss Perfect!” Jenna teases her.
“Oh my god, just shut up, Lanna. Who are you calling Little Miss Perfect?”
“It rolls of the tongue nicely, don’t you think?” She shoots back at Chloe’s unamused words.
“You’re making me sound like some monster. Listen, I know that it isn’t JD’s fault that he is who he is.” Chloe elaborates on her feelings before being cut off by Jenna.
“You do? I’m surprised.”
“But that doesn’t mean I know how to handle it.” Chloe says, ignoring Jenna’s words. “When we talked to each other in the Empty Sekai, I was pissed at him but I knew where he was coming from. Somewhat, anyway.” She sighs again. “Now, though, it feels like talking to a robot! You’re talking to him and he just doesn’t comprehend anything! Can anyone even look through his thick head and see what he’s thinking or how he feels about like any of this?!”
“I..” Jeremy couldn’t muster up any words. Chloe did have a point. It seems as though, all his efforts weren’t working. That he wasn’t getting through to Jake in the slightest. That thought made him lean back on his chair, dejected.
“Well, JD is being a lot more honest with us than he was before, right?” Jenna notes.
“Yes but..”
As Chloe and Jenna began talking, Jeremy thought about her words more and more. He exited the call without a word and put his headphones down onto his table with a thud.
He ran his fingers through his hair. Val is right, we don’t really understand JD that well. What he thinks or how he feels.. we know nothing about it.
He plays the demo again, letting it fill the room with its sound. He thought about Jake’s feelings. How Jake felt about the song. How Jake was a complicated person that Jeremy wanted to bring light to.
I think I need to understand JD’s feelings more.
I can’t compose a song that will save him otherwise.