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"I miss you."
"I know. I know Kaidan and I'm sorry."
"That's..."
"It's not okay. Don't say that."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
"But I am."
"I know. I'm sorry too."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
They were sitting on the ruins of the building that used to be a school. One dead, one living. The dust was still in the air and made the breathing harder. The sky was clouded and sun could be just something from the old tales. But it was there, they knew it. And later, much later, it would shine on the streets of London again.
"I should go."
"John!"
Shepard chuckled and got up from the piece of wall he was sitting at. He dusted off his pants and looked to the distance. He didn't see far but the gesture felt like something he should do.
"You've never liked me saying that."
"No. And I like it even less, lately."
Shepard turned to smile at his lover. It was gentle smile and full of affection, but there was a hint of sadness into it, too.
"I miss you, Kaidan."
It sounded like goodbye and Kaidan wasn't prepared to say goodbye to his man. Not now, not ever. Not again. He took few careful steps through the rubbles and caught Shepard's hand between his palms.
"Don't go."
"I have to."
"Take me with you, then."
"Kaidan."
"John."
Shepard lifted Kaidan's hands to his mouth and kissed the back of Kaidan’s left hand first and then the right one. John’s lips were like hot velvet against Kaidan’s skin and Kaidan fought the urge to squeeze his eyes shut and savor the tender touch because he feared that John wouldn’t be there when he opened them again.
"I’ll be always here."
Shepard placed his palm on Kaidan’s chest where his heart was beating. John wasn’t scared of closing his eyes. He looked so calm. It was probably for the first time when Kaidan saw him like this. Calm. Contented.
"I feel it. Your heart, that is."
"It’s beating for you. It has always been beating for you."
When John opened his eyes, he had that look again. His lips were smiling but the smile didn’t really reach his eyes. His impossibly blue eyes. Kaidan was drowning in them. He wanted to tell John, he wanted to tell him that he… but he wasn’t able to word his worries. And he wasn’t able to word his love in that moment either.
"I love you, Kaidan."
"I’ll go with you John."
"I’m dead, babe."
Kaidan scowled and Shepard burst into laughter, wiping away the tears with back of his forearm in the end.
"I’m sorry. I must see that face of disgust for the one last time."
"You called me that way once."
"I know. It took two weeks for the bruises to disappear."
"You deserved it."
"That I did."
"But seriously now..."
"It’s not your time, Kaidan."
"You can’t stop me."
"I wish I could."
They were standing next to each other, holding hands and watching the ruins of London all around them as far as they could see.
One dead...
... one dying.