Chapter Text
Why Taylor, why?
Good question, no answer.
What was she even doing here?
Again good question, no asnwer.
‘No, but seriously Taylor. What are you doing here?’ her question was barely a whisper muttered under her nose, answered with an even quiter silence.
She hadn’t heard a silence quite this loud in a while and had this been a different moment in a different city, outside someone else’s house Taylor might’ve laughed at how ridiculous it was for her to be thinking with her old lyrics.
But this was 2 am and she was in LA, outside Harry’s house.
‘Taylor, go away, you have to go away. Just gooo awaaay’ she chanted to herself and maybe it was the fact that standing in fresh air lessened the influence the alcohol had on her or maybe it was the fear of being spotted that made her suddenly listen to herself.
Maybe, but it all didn’t matter when a car appeared out of nowhere on the road making her jump in fear and it certainly did not matter when the car pulled over next to her with the windows down and she saw no one else than Harry.
Her Harry, who was no longer a boy, but a grown-up man.
Her Harry with curly hair longer than her own, with his nipples always out and with his lovely, dimpled smile.
Her Harry who was clearly shocked to see her, but like the gentleman he was, he quickly recovered and got of of the car only to help her get in.
It wasn’t until they were in his living room that he finally spoke up.
And her heart melted when isntead of a ‘What are you doing?’ it was a ‘Are you okay, Taylor?’
‘I don’t know Harry. Harry’ she repeated his name enjoying how familiar and it felt on her lips.
‘I’ll make you tea and give something warm and than we’ll tallk, okay?’ Harry asked, his green eyes never leaving hers.
‘Okay’ she nodded and only then he left the room.
He came back five minutes later with a cup of tea in one hand and a blanket in the other. As he sat down on the sofa next to her and wrapped the fabric around her petite frame, Taylor felt her heart skipping a beat.
‘Love, you know you’re always welcome here, but I have to ask what are you doing here?’ Harry asked handing her the mug, letting their fingers brush for a second.
‘I’ve been asking myself that question ever since I got there’ Taylor said quietly before taking a sip of her tea ‘You always make the best tea. You know that Adam doesn’t like tea?’
‘Oh really?
He raised his eyebrows and there was the smallest of smirks playing on his lips, but other than that he didn’t react.
‘Yes, really. And he’s allergic to cats’
‘Poor lad’
Harry’s eyes were still fixed on her, she knew he was trying to read her, but she wasn’t really sure what was written in the book of Taylor Swift’s thoughts and feelings.
‘He thinks I spend too much time with my girlfriends. I mean I do spend a lot of time with them, but we shouldn’t fight about it, should we? I certainly shouldn’t escape to another city because of a fight like this’ Taylor shrugged her shoulders before taking another sip, the tea calming her frantic alcoholized inside.
She raised her eyes from the floor and looked straight into the bright green of Harry’s eyes and saw a questioning look.
‘I have three free days. Free three days’ she giggled at the sound of that, because she was still very tipsy and was pleasantly surprised when Harry joined her.
They were always bigger dorks when they were together.
‘I didn’t want to spend them on fighting so I came here to have fun’ she continued when their laughs died down ‘I was gonna spend some time with Selena, but she had a date with Nick planned and I didn’t want to ruin it, because she really deserves someone good after Justin, so I decided to entertain myself’
‘A wild party with two cats and a bottle of wine? Ain’t that the definition of fun, love?’ this time the smirk fully present on his lips and Taylor couldn’t help but returning the smile.
That was wonderful about Harry, he always made her smile.
‘It was fun, until I had one, or maybe two… Well, not more than three extra glasses of wine and then Ryan Adams happened’
‘What did that poor lad do to you?’
‘He made me feel things I didn’t want to feel’
‘And in what vicious way did he do that?’ his tone was playful, but his expression got more serious, as if he suspected what was coming.
‘My IPod was a shuffle and when I heard his version of I Wish You Would and it was like he reminded me what I meant when I wrote this song, you know?’ she asked, but he didn’t answer. She figured it was a sign for her to continue ‘Lately, I felt more like a robot, performing the same routine over and over again, but when I heard this aching sadness, this longing it was like, like…’
‘Like he showed you everything you’ve been trying so hard to ignore?’ his voice was so quiet that for a second she thought she imagined him saying that, but the raw emotion all over his spoke louder than words ever could.
‘Yes, it was exactly like that’ she whispered back, her voice trembling ever so lightly.
Taylor put the mug down on the table suddenly scared she’d tip the tea out or just suddenly in need of an excuse to have free hands. Because with both her palms free, she didn’t have to fight the need to put her arms around the men next to her.
Snaking her shaking palms around Harry’s neck, Taylor pulled him closer, needing to feel the warmth radiating from his body. As his hands found there way to her waist, they way they always did, the blonde burried her head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent.
‘I’ve done everything not to think about you. I stopped wearing the clothes I wore when we were together, I removed all the things connected with you from my appartment, I removed the most painful songs from the setlist, there was even a moment when I unfollowed my own fans on Tumblr, because they were our mutual fans I couldn’t look at your every single day when I knew I haven’t seen you or talked to you in months’
Taylor felt tears building up in her eyes and fire burning in her throat, but she couldn’t stop. She had to tell him everything. Harry must’ve sensed it, because he pulled her even closer to him, one of his hand caressing her had offering some comfort.
‘I tried everything, but nothing worked. Instead I only missed you more, and tonight when I heard my song sang by someone else I realized why’
Sniffling, she moved away from him, but just so she could look at his face. Her palms were still trembling when she placed them on his warms cheeks, her eyes locked with his, blue on green.
He was looking at her and he was so vulnerable it made her want to shelter him from the world, but she couldn’t do that.
What she could do was tell him, what she should’ve told him months ago.
‘I still love you Harry, I’m still in love with you’ she repeated before smashing her lips into his.
The fire exploaded in her when she felt his soft lips moving under her own, when she felt his fingertips travelling down her body, making her skin burn in the most painful of all pleasures.
Just when Taylor decided she needed him, all of him, tonight, Harry moved away.
He was panting, his eyes were hungrily staring at her, but there was something stopping him.
She knew what it was before he spoke.
‘Taylor Allison Swift, I love you the way I never loved anyone before’ he whispered before kissing her forehead ‘But you’re drunk love and I can’t take advantage of this situation. I can’t’
‘Always a gentleman’ Taylor sighed, but it was a happy sigh, because she still was in his arms and nothing else mattered.
‘That I am’ he flashed a grin at her, the dimples showing for the first time that night, making Taylor’s heart melt ‘Listen’ he titled her chin to make her look him hin the eyes ‘I’ll take you home now and if you wake up tomorrow and you’ll remember everything and you’ll still want to continue than I’ll come. Okay?’
There was so much faith in his eyes, so much love, there was no way she wouldn’t agree.
She nodded her head and pressed herself closer to him once more.
‘I’ll remember, I could never forget you’
Drunk on solitude, love and alcohol Taylor forgot drunk people made promises, sober people couldn’t keep.
***
It was the ringing of her phone that woke Taylor up the next day. It took her a while to realized where she was or what exactly has happened, but the second all the thoughts hit home she jumped up, her eyes wide and terrified.
It got even worse when she looked at her phone and saw Adam calling.
She couldn’t bring herself to answer and she didn’t.
When apart from the missed call she saw a message, she forgot how to move or how to breathe. It was 3 pm and he had sent her three texts.
‘Good Morning, love’
‘How are you?’
She hadn’t seen that in years, and God she had missed those like crazy.
The next one, though, was like a cold shower.
‘How much do you remember from last night?’
She remembered everything.
Every single thing.
The way she clunged to him for dear life, as she would never let go, how his scent once again filled again her nostrills making her feel like she was finally home, how his soft lips for the shortest of seconds landed on hers and how it felt like drinking water after months and months of thirst.
She remembered it all, but with the alcohol gone she also remembered she was still Taylor Swift and he was still Harry Styles and the odds weren’t in their favor.
She remembered Adam, who she shouldn’t have forgotten about in the first place.
Most of all, though, she remembered that she was still Taylor Swift and he was still Harry Styles and the odds were not in their favor.
With trembling fingers and burning tears sparkling in her eyes, she typed what had to be typed even if it meant breaking her heart one more time.
‘Not much, I’m not even sure how I got home’
‘Did something happen?’
She didn’t think the pain could have gotten worse, but it did.
‘No, nothing. Take care of yourself’
The reply cut deep like sharp knife, reopening her old wounds. Taylor threw her phone across the room, finding the wave of sadness and heartbreak too overwhelming.
She pulled Meredith into a hug, burrying her face in her warm fur, letting the tears fall down, mourning once again the loss of Harry Styles.
When all was said and done, grief was the price you paid for love.
Little did Taylor know, that only couple streets away Harry was also lying on his bed, with tears burning like fire in his eyes and his heart breaking just like hers.
But that was the thing with promises, wasn’t it?
Drunk people made them, but soper poeple couldn’t keep them.