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The pale morning light has filled the room by the time Tony groggily searches for his partner’s body in their bed. An annoyed groan slips out of his mouth as he finds the side of the bed empty, he begrudgingly opens his eyes confirming his solitude in their room. It wasn’t abnormal for him to wake up alone, Steve would often wake up before him to go for his run and usually would come back to stroke his hair until he woke up, or better yet bring up a coffee (and the smell alone would be enough for Tony to fade from his slumber). As annoyed as a sleepy Tony could be, he doesn't think much of it and throws on a soft sweater as he leaves towards the kitchen.
Guess I’ll make my own coffee then.
Tony’s surprised to see Steve sitting at the island, and even more surprised to see him tense up as he hears him enter the room.
“So, here my boyfriend has come to abandon me, leaving me cold and decaffeinated.” he teases dramatically, heading towards the coffee pot to turn it on.
Steve chuckles lightly instantly causing Tony to frown. He hears the rasp and notices the small sniffle, and definitely doesn’t recognise it as Steve’s normal laugh, not even close.
“Hey,” he starts, pulling on his shoulder to get a look at the blond. His heart drops at the sight of red rimmed glossy blue eyes.
Please God, tell me the serum doesn’t work for hayfever he thinks to himself, Steve crying is rare, even when the man hurts he is stubborn to keep himself ‘strong’ and ultimately tearless.
“Hey, what the hell, what’s wrong?” Tony swivels Steve’s chair so the man is fully facing him.
Steve blinks, looking down at the phone clutched in his hand causing the wetness of his eyes to spill over onto his cheeks, he lets out another weak laugh, muffled by the lump in his throat.
This is no laughing matter, Rogers.
“It’s nothing,” he starts, looking up at Tony with a small smile. “Nothing’s wrong, I-”
“Is someone bothering you?” he interrupts, snatching the phone from his hand quickly scanning it.
“Tony, nothing’s happened-”
“What is this?” he asks, brows furrowed with worry. These are texts that appear to be addressed to Tony, though he doesn't remember receiving them. He looks up from the phone at Steve.
He takes his hand and squeezes it to give his boyfriend some comfort as he awaits an answer. God, it kills Tony to see him like this.
“I was clearing the phone and found texts I wrote for you but never sent.” he finally confesses and looks down, tears slipping around his forced smile. Tony recognises it as the one he forces through pain. “You know, when..”
“Yeah..” Tony whispers, giving the text another glance before swallowing the lump in his throat. He puts the phone down on the counter and places his free hand on Steve’s cheek, he wipes away the running tear though it only seems to spread over, leaving his cheek dampened.
Steve leans into his touch with a gentle sigh. “I wanted to reach out, you know..” he murmurs, closing his eyes as if he’s hoping the tears will get the message to stay in. “The timing never felt right, it never felt appropriate.. I didn’t wanna hurt you.” He clenches his jaw, pausing for just a moment. “I missed you so much.”
Tony damn near feels winded by the shakiness of Steve’s voice. “Oh, honey,” he moves to sit on his lap, placing both hands on his face. Steve just wraps his arms around him for security.
“Hey, look at me.” he whispers gently, his thumbs placed on his cheeks, ready to catch and wipe away any tears that have been brewing up behind those blond eyelashes.
“I know I should’ve reached out,” he whispers, still not opening his eyes.
“Steve,”
“I was too scared to send those messages-”
“Look at me.” He nearly demands of him, keeping the softness in his voice.
Steve does, and as predicted the shaky pools in his eyes overflow on to his thumbs. The light peaking through the kitchen blinds cast over his face, his eyes bright and face shiny its almost unnerving seeing him like this, in a state Tony never sees, beautiful yet so fucking painful. A sight that has probably only been seen by few, if ever in this generation. If Steve could help it, he probably wouldn't have let Tony ever see him in this state, it kills him to know the dams have cracked, even more that he’d choose to do it alone.
“We’re here now, aren’t we?” Tony pulls his sleeve over his hand to dab away the wetness on his cheeks. “If you ask me, it all happened the way it was supposed to. I wouldn’t trade the love we have now for anything.” He gives him a warm smile. “It was a bad moment in time for both of us. Stop taking it all on your shoulders,” he runs his fingers through Steve’s hair in a comforting manner. “And stop doing it all on your own.” He kisses his forehead and Steve sighs at the affection.
“I just hate that I ever let you down. I should’ve known- done better.”
“What did I just say?” Tony reminds. “We both could’ve done differently. It was a hard time but it's a part of our story. I know how you feel now, you know how I feel and we love each other strongly for it.” He places a light kiss on his lips. “No more tears now darling, we’re okay. I love you so much, every day I do.”
“I love you too.” he whispers.
“I know,” Tony smiles and caresses his jaw. “Our past will never make me doubt that, alright? We love hard so we fought hard, it's us. We learn together, yeah?”
Steve smiles, genuinely this time and pulls Tony closer. He rests his head against his shoulder as his tears dry. “Yeah.” he eventually agrees. “I’m sorry, I got a bit too much in my feelings there.”
“Don’t ever apologise for that. Just don’t hide it from me next time.” Tony murmurs, playing with his hair. “It’s more of a burden to me that you suffer in silence, especially when it comes to us. Please come to me next time.”
Steve looks up at him. “I’ll try.” His expression genuine as he looks at Tony’s eyes, it will be hard but he will try.
Tony knows it won’t happen overnight, there will probably be more moments where Tony will have to drag it out of him, but this is a start. Opening his arms to him and letting him know he has the space to feel and doesn’t constantly have to be the strong one is a good start. He may have to repeat this, reassure him but it can take as long as he needs, at least Steve knows how much he loves him, every part of him and their history he is in love with, and nothing will break that.