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Im Changkyun doesn’t consider himself an alcoholic. Sure, he enjoys a refreshing can of cold beer at the end of a long day and can appreciate a glass of good quality whiskey, but he certainly doesn’t feel like he needs either to survive.

The official definition of alcoholism is “a physical and emotional dependence on alcohol” and Changkyun does not think that applies to him. (He has looked this up, just to be sure.)

Therefore, when his friends—specifically Kihyun—nag at him that he should take better care of his liver and jokingly call him an alcoholic, Changkyun calmly tells them that he disagrees.

He will admit that he has been going through his supply of whiskey a little faster than normal recently, but it’s only because he has a goal to achieve and once he’s done that, he can go back to his normal routine of consuming alcohol at a much healthier rate.

All of this ends today because today is the day that Changkyun will stop stalling and definitely, without fail, confess to the one and only Chae Hyungwon.

Or at least that was what he had hoped would happen last night.

Yesterday was far from the first time Changkyun had declared that he would finally confess to his crush of almost a year now—more if you count the months that Changkyun remained in denial about his feelings—and since things didn’t exactly go according to plan, it unfortunately also won’t be the last.

Changkyun has very little memory of the night. Granted, there really isn’t much for him to remember considering all he managed to do was mumble “hyung” into the phone before promptly falling unconscious.

The morning after is something Changkyun will remember rather vividly, both the splitting headache he awoke to as well as the panic that hit him when he checked his phone history.

The first time he woke up, he instinctively chugged the glass of water on his bedside table along with the medicine next to it before promptly falling back onto the bed and willing himself back into a state of unconsciousness to dull the throbbing in his head.

The second time, Changkyun is actually able to sit up without feeling like his skull is about to split open and the meds have his utmost gratitude for that.

But then it hits him.

He has no clue who he’s actually supposed to thank for reviving him because even though he has no memory of the previous night, he knows for a fact that, in his drunken state, he definitely would not have pulled out a stool to reach the high cabinet that all his medication was located in. At least not without heavily injuring himself and a quick check reveals that he isn’t sporting any new bruises, so the mystery remains.

Feeling his headache on the verge of returning from thinking too much, he finally decides to check his phone and sees a string of texts from none other than Hyungwon, the man he was meant to confess to the previous night. The texts themselves are fairly standard, mostly just asking if Changkyun is alive and to call him again if he needs anything, but Changkyun can’t help but fixate on a single word. Again. The word “again” of course implies that Changkyun had already called Hyungwon at least once before.

It's this moment when he opens his call history and sees a single outgoing call to Chae Hyungwon, timestamped at 11:37PM. It takes about thirty seconds for him to fully process this information in his still mildly hungover state. When it finally clicks, he lets out an agonized scream and chucks his phone away from him, as if it had burned him.

He’s glad he splurged on the apartment with more soundproof walls and a queen-sized bed. Of course, at the time, those were more considerations for his job as a music producer and his recurring insomnia, but he is happy to know that they also serve many other purposes. In this case, they have saved him from his neighbors being privy to his burst of emotional distress and his phone from meeting a terrible demise.

After Changkyun somewhat comes to terms with what he has just learned, he carefully fetches his phone which is precariously positioned on the very edge of the bed and decides he should at least tell Hyungwon he’s alive.

Changkyun

im alive

Hyungwon

good

how are you feeling

Changkyun

better than when I first woke up

the meds really helped

Hyungwon

ur welcome

So it really was Hyungwon who had left them out for him. It’s only a small bit of confirmation, but considering he was working from an almost blank canvas of the events of last night, Changkyun’s relieved to have even just one more puzzle piece. Still, he knows if he wants more, he’ll actually have to ask. Maybe if it were Minhyuk, that wouldn’t be necessary considering the man will always ramble on and on about a story unprompted, recounting the events right after they happen even if Changkyun was there with him the entire time. But he’s not dealing with Minhyuk right now. His opponent is Chae Hyungwon, a man of relatively few words, yet who still holds the capability to take Changkyun out with the blink of an eye. He takes a deep breath and starts typing.

Changkyun

thanks hyung

also um

did I do anything weird yesterday

That sounds casual enough, right? Changkyun waits anxiously for Hyungwon’s response, not knowing if he’s imagining it taking longer than normal or if he really did do something weird and Hyungwon’s trying to think of the best way to break it to him that he never wants to see him again. Luckily, he doesn’t get to spiral much further before his phone buzzes him back into reality—though the response he receives isn’t the most reassuring either.

Hyungwon

you dont remember?

Changkyun isn’t sure if he’s supposed to answer that. Is it rhetorical? He’s pretty sure his initial question already implies the answer, but maybe he’s supposed to confirm it again. Meanwhile, he sees the little bubble that indicates Hyungwon is typing pop up several times only to disappear seconds later with no new message sent and Changkyun feels his anxiety skyrocket once more.

Hyungwon

you called and then went silent so i went to check on you

by the time i got there you were passed out

For a second, Changkyun wonders if there’s something Hyungwon isn’t telling him. Still, he trusts Hyungwon to be honest with him. If he really did anything wrong, he’s sure the older wouldn’t hesitate to call him out for it. Probably.

Changkyun

oh

thank you hyung

i owe you

Hyungwon

yeah u do

it was such a pain trying to drag ur ass to bed

Changkyun

i’m so sorry

Hyungwon

it’s fine

Changkyun

if it happens again i promise i won’t bother you

There’s another pause and Changkyun worries if Hyungwon is actually mad at him. Why isn’t he replying? Before he can think of a possible answer, the sound of his ringtone fills the room and he almost drops his phone in surprise.

Hyungwon is calling him.

Changkyun briefly considers not answering and pretending that he’s busy, but quickly realizes that would not be very convincing considering that they were in the middle of a conversation and he’s made it clear that he’s physically incapable of going anywhere anytime soon.

“Hello?” he greets nervously.

“Don’t make me come over there again.”

“Wh—”

“You’re not a bother, Changkyun. If you need anything, you can call me anytime. In fact, please do.”

“Okay, hyung.”

“But also, I better not find you passed out next to a half-empty bottle of whiskey again.”

“Okay, hyung.”

“I’m serious. Do you know how worried I was yesterday?”

“You’re starting to sound like Kihyun-hyung with all this nagging.”

“Im Changkyun.”

“Okay, okay, I get it! Thank you for coming to take care of me and I’m sorry for worrying you and I promise I will drink more responsibly from now on. Better?”

“Hmph. For now, that will do.”

Changkyun chuckles at how haughty Hyungwon is acting, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the older.

“Hey! Did I not just warn you to be serious?”

“I am! I didn’t mean for yesterday to get that out of hand, I swear.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know, Changkyun. Downing half a bottle of whiskey alone to the point of passing out doesn’t really scream ‘I’m doing great’ to me.”

“You’re exaggerating! I didn’t drink that much of it,” he protests. It may not be a video call, but Changkyun can already imagine Hyungwon’s scrutinizing gaze at that statement. “I picked up a new brand to try last time I went grocery shopping.” Not untrue. “And I was in the mood for a drink so I thought I’d try it out, but I guess it was stronger than I realized.” Definitely untrue. Changkyun had splurged a bit to get the one that the shop owner recommended when he asked for something extra strong. In fact, it was a whole 60% alcohol, if he remembers correctly and, in hindsight, he doesn’t know why he thought that was a good idea.

“If you say so,” Hyungwon replies, sounding skeptical. “But you know you can talk to me, right?”

“Yes, and I’m really grateful for that. Thank you, Hyungwon-hyung.”

“I mean it. You can come to me for anything.”

Changkyun thinks to himself about how ironic it is that the only thing that is particularly bothering him right now is the one thing he can’t tell Hyungwon because he’s sort of the root cause of it. Of course, he doesn’t voice this and instead simply says, “I promise I will.”

“Good. Now, that we’re clear on that, what kind of hangover food are you craving today?”

The sudden change in topic takes Changkyun by surprise and he finds his stomach growl out of nowhere, as if called to action by the mention of food.

“Pork rib hangover soup?”

“Okay, do you want me to meet you at our usual place?” Hyungwon asks, without missing a beat.

Changkyun knows exactly the place Hyungwon is referring to. It’s not too far of a walk for both of them, located in a convenient midpoint between their apartments, and everything they serve is a good level of spice for their weaker tolerances. It’s not a far walk by any means, but the thought of leaving his apartment also doesn’t sound great to Changkyun at the moment.

“To be completely honest, I’m not sure if I’m quite ready to face the real world quite yet. I think direct sunlight might be too much for me right now.”

Hyungwon laughs. “You make it sound like you’re a vampire or something. But that’s fair. I’ll go pick it up and bring it to your place.”

“Wait, hyung, you don’t have to go through all that trouble.”

“I’ll be there in 30 or so minutes,” Hyungwon replies, pointedly ignoring his protest. “I’m hanging up. See you soon.”

Before Changkyun can get in another word, either of thanks or protest, the call abruptly ends and Changkyun is once again left alone with his thoughts in the silence of his room.

He supposes in the overall scheme of things, there are far worse outcomes. Still, in addition to the fact that he didn’t even come close to accomplishing his goal, there’s something about Hyungwon’s initial response that makes him apprehensive. For the time being though, there’s not much he can do about it and when Hyungwon knocks on his door with two steamy bowls of soup, he is thankful that his stomach seems to override his thoughts.

Changkyun rummages through his closet looking for something to wear to meet his friends for dinner. It’s just a casual meetup at their favorite barbecue place—the owner is rather susceptible to Jooheon’s charms and he easily weasels them bigger portions—but it somehow feels more special because it’s been a while since they’ve all been in one place, hectic schedules never lining up. Still, Hyungwon will be there and he wants to look nice, but not nice enough where someone will suspect he’s trying too hard. What kind of outfit says “I just threw this on and don’t care if grease gets on it” but also “hey, don’t I look so good that you’d like to kiss me right now?”

In the end, he settles on a black sleeveless t-shirt that shows off his arms with his favorite pair of skinny jeans and heads out with just enough time to spare.

When he gets to the restaurant, he hears Minhyuk before he sees him and easily follows the sound to a round table towards the back wall. As he approaches, Minhyuk excitedly greets him, abandoning whatever story he was in the middle of telling.

“Right on time, Changkyun-ah,” Hoseok comments as Changkyun takes one of the open seats.

“I hope the others come soon too,” Hyunwoo adds. “I’m starving.”

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if we started a bit earlier,” Kihyun replies. “They’ll probably show up by the time it’s done cooking anyway.”

That’s all the convincing it takes for Hyunwoo to call over the nearest server and order enough servings of meat to feed a small village—though Changkyun knows from experience that they’ll easily finish it and order even more.

Jooheon arrives right as the first batch of meat is ready to leave the grill, just as Kihyun predicted, but Hyungwon is still yet to arrive. Fashionably late, as always.

Changkyun’s back is facing the door, so he doesn’t notice when Hyungwon enters. It’s only when he feels a hand on his shoulder that he looks to his right and sees the tall figure slide into the seat next to him.

After briefly making fun of Hyungwon for being late yet again, they naturally soar into conversation. They catch each other up on what they’ve missed in each other’s lives, jumping from topic to topic at speeds so fast, no outsider could possibly follow the flow of their conversation.

A few rounds of beef and way more than a few bottles of soju later, the group decides to head to round two—karaoke.

Minhyuk excitedly leads the way, the few sips of soju he had being sufficient to somehow bring out even more energy in him, the rest following suit.

Changkyun trails behind the others, wanting a slight break to regather his energy before they reach their destination.

“You okay?” Hyungwon asks, turning back to glance at him. He slows his pace to match Changkyun. Wordlessly, he offers his arm to Changkyun as a crutch.

“I’m fine, hyung. I’m not even drunk yet,” he answers, though he regrets it almost immediately. It would’ve been a good excuse to be closer to him.

“I’m just a little worried after last time.”

“I told you that was just by accident!”

“Okay, fine. Let’s catch up with the others before they leave us behind.”

Changkyun nods and follows silently, pondering Hyungwon’s words. The tone the older uses with him is always so soft and gentle, conveying exactly how much he cares. The issue is, he can never decipher if it’s a “you’re like a little brother to me” type of way or if it could be the type of care that Changkyun secretly hopes for.

He’s snapped out of his thoughts when Hyungwon’s arm blocks his path and he looks up to find that he almost walked straight into a streetlamp.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. I think I’m just a bit tired,” Changkyun lies.

“It’s okay if you leave early, you know? Don’t feel pressured to stay.”

“I’m not staying because I feel pressured.” I’m staying because I want to spend more time with you. “I wanted to spend more time with everyone. It’s been a while since we’ve all gotten together like this and I missed you all. Besides, I’m really not that tired.”

“Alright, but let me know if you need to go home early. I’ll walk you.”

There it is again. The concern Hyungwon treats him with that extends beyond how he treats their other friends. To anyone else, he’d just say “you look tired, go home,” but never to Changkyun—instead, his tone softens as he asks if he’s okay, offers to walk him home. It makes Changkyun feel like he might be special, but he can never figure out why. It drives him insane.

Still, he can’t deny that it’s a nice feeling—to feel cared for.

Changkyun smiles up at him. “Okay, thank you.”

Within an hour, the small table in the center of the karaoke room is already covered in bottles. Kihyun belts high note after high note and Minhyuk turns the whole room into his stage as he dances to the most popular trot songs. Jooheon follows suit, dancing to all the latest girl group songs with far too much enthusiasm, and Changkyun wonders where he finds the time to learn all of them.

At some point between being dragged into a rap duet by Jooheon and putting on a truly unforgettable performance of SS501’s U R MAN, Changkyun is definitely a little tipsy—maybe even a bit more than tipsy.

He needs to sit down and catch his breath for a bit, so he plops down in the empty space conveniently located right next to Hyungwon. The alcohol is definitely doing something to his head because he feels a strong desire to rest his head on Hyungwon’s shoulder. Granted, that is also a desire he feels when sober, but if not for the alcohol clouding his judgement, he would never even think about acting on it.

But Changkyun is drunk and not only does he think about acting on it, but he does act.

The younger man scoots closer to the older, nestling his head against his crush’s shoulder, and liquid courage is indeed a powerful thing because he doesn’t stop there—he also decides to claim Hyungwon’s arm as his own personal hug pillow.

Hyungwon doesn’t try to move away, but Changkyun feels how he stiffens slightly at the contact. He wants to hope that it’s just because he was caught by surprise, but doubts creep in nonetheless.

Changkyun pulls away and shoots Hyungwon an apologetic look, offering a quick “sorry, just tired” as explanation. At first, he’s not sure if the older hears him over the sound of their friends screaming to IVE’s new song, but he does receive a quick nod of acknowledgement.

Once the song ends, Hyungwon announces that the two of them are going home early and, despite a few initial protests, their friends happily send them off. It wasn’t Changkyun’s intention to imply that he wanted to leave, but once the door of the karaoke room closes behind them and his ears get some reprieve from the blasting music, he finds that he really is a lot more tired than he realized.

More than anything, he’s glad to have Hyungwon to himself, even for just a little bit. He loves all his friends, but he can’t help but selfishly wish to be the sole recipient of Hyungwon’s attention.

Right now though, something is off. As the two of them make their way towards the subway station, Hyungwon keeps his distance. It’s a stark contrast to the walk there when Hyungwon slowed down to make sure Changkyun was following, even offering his arm for balance. Now, he walks quickly in front, maintaining distance between them.

The cool breeze quickly helps Changkyun sober up, but that’s not something Hyungwon needs to know. Instead, Changkyun puts on a show of being more drunk than he really is. He purposely slows down, making his steps slightly wobbly for added effect; he wants to see how the older will respond.

Hyungwon turns back to look at him and upon taking in his appearance, offers a quick “you okay?” to which Changkyun nods. Apparently, that’s enough to satisfy Hyungwon because he continues walking, keeping the distance between them. He occasionally looks back to check that Changkyun is still there, but otherwise offers no assistance.

Changkyun finds this very upsetting.

It’s a strange contrast—the way Hyungwon took it upon himself to escort Changkyun home at the slightest mention of being tired versus the way he’s constructed some invisible wall between them.

Changkyun doesn’t know how to make sense of this sudden change in behavior. He doesn’t know how to cope with how cold Hyungwon is being towards him.

The rest of the way home is silent and uneventful, Hyungwon clearly not in the mood for conversation and Changkyun racking his brain for an explanation. Hyungwon drops him off at his place and while Changkyun would normally invite him in, this time he just obediently steps through the door.

“Get home safe, hyung,” he calls out, but Hyungwon is already walking away. If he hears it, he makes no sign of acknowledgement.

After washing up and changing into pajamas, Changkyun settles into bed, but sleep evades him. He hasn’t made any progress in confessing to his secret crush and, though he has no idea how, he’s somehow made things tense between them.

Normally, on a sleepless night like this, he would text Hyungwon and if the older was still awake, he’d immediately call. Changkyun’s a light sleeper and usually hates even the slightest of noise when he’s trying to sleep, but Hyungwon is the one exception to that. On countless nights, Changkyun has fallen asleep to the comforting sound of Hyungwon’s voice.

Unfortunately, tonight will not be one of those nights. With a sigh of defeat, Changkyun reaches for the bottle of melatonin in his bedside table.

After that night, Changkyun worried about how he would face Hyungwon, not even sure what he did within the span of those few hours that warranted such a cold change in attitude and even less sure about how to fix it. These worries, however, prove to be unnecessary because Hyungwon was soon texting him as if nothing had ever happened.

Though it still bothers him that he never figured out what really happened, Changkyun puts those thoughts on the backburner because his top priority is back to finding a way to actually confess. It may seem like he’s stalling or just making excuses, but Changkyun is genuinely doing his best.

Confessing is scary; it often leads to rejection and rejection is never fun. Confessing to one of your closest friends is even scarier. Being rejected by a random stranger, while still not a pleasant experience, is something he can easily recover from. Being rejected by Hyungwon on the other hand, is something that Changkyun doesn’t know if he can handle.

Of course, he’s weighed the pros and cons hundreds of times already and he knows this is something he needs to do. After denying his feelings for months, his friends got so sick of it that they decided to get him drunk enough to finally admit the fact that the likes Hyungwon out loud and ever since then, it’s been driving him insane.

When it was only ever in his head, he could still pass it off as an occasional intrusive thought, a delusion fueled by lack of sleep, but it’s like once the words left his mouth, they suddenly became real, tangible even. Now, trying to deny it leaves him feeling suffocated, physically constricted somehow.

Changkyun concluded a while ago that living in denial like this is not sustainable, but again, confessing is a lot easier said than done.

Even now, as Changkyun sits opposite Hyungwon, who randomly dragged him out for dinner because he was craving jjajangmyeon, he wonders if he’ll really be able to do it. Honestly, he thinks it’s unfair that Hyungwon was born with such a stupidly pretty face.

Objectively speaking, it’s impossible to eat jjajangmyeon in an attractive way, sauce inevitably smearing all over your face and potentially splattering on your clothes. And yet, Changkyun stares across the table to see that Hyungwon, despite having smudges of sauce all around his lips, still looks unreasonably pretty.

“I’m pretty sure you’re noodles are more than well-mixed at this point,” Hyungwon comments.

Changkyun looks down at his bowl only to realize that he has yet to take a single bite of his food. “I was just trying to make it cool down faster,” he says, shooting out the first excuse that comes to mind.

Hyungwon raises an eyebrow at him, easily seeing through him. After sharing so many meals together, it’s no surprise that Hyungwon is familiar with Changkyun’s eating habits and it doesn’t exactly take a genius to figure out that this certainly is not one of them.

In an attempt to avoid further questioning, Changkyun stuffs as many noodles into his mouth as he can. He soon realizes his mistake because, to reiterate, unless you are Chae Hyungwon, it is objectively impossible to eat jjajangmyeon in an attractive way and that means he is now presenting himself as an unattractive, sauce-covered mess in front of his crush.

Hyungwon laughs at him, taking a napkin and reaching across the table to wipe some sauce off of his cheek. Changkyun thinks he might get indigestion.

“You’ve been really out of it lately,” Hyungwon comments. “Something on your mind?”

“It’s nothing, hyung. I’m just tired.”

“Is your insomnia getting worse?”

“It’s always been like this, it just comes and goes sometimes. You worry too much.”

“Hey, I think my worry is pretty justified if it’s to the point where you could walk straight into a streetlamp without noticing.”

“Okay, fine. Worry all you want then. In fact, feel free to worry so much that you walk straight into a streetlamp.”

“Brat,” Hyungwon scoffs. Still, the smile on his face is warm.

Seeing the way Hyungwon looks at him, Changkyun wonders if maybe confessing might not be as scary as he thought. Maybe he’s worried for nothing.

Three days later, Changkyun berates his past self for being so naïve. If having a secret crush on your friend were so easy to deal with, then he would’ve had this solved months ago. He can’t even count how many times he’s already gone through this cycle of psyching himself up before taking one look at Hyungwon’s annoyingly flawless face and chickening out, putting him right back at square one—square zero, actually.

Once again, he turns to his not so secret weapon, liquid courage. Considering how the whiskey heavily backfired last time, Changkyun decides to go for wine today. It feels like a classier choice and it’s generally considered much more socially acceptable to enjoy a casual glass or two of wine over dinner. Drinking wine alone doesn’t scream emotional instability nearly as much as hard liquor, making it a perfect choice.

He heads over to Hyungwon’s apartment for movie night, a tradition that they do at least once a month. Sometimes their other friends will join in, but most of the time it ends up being just the two of them. While Changkyun has never been much of a movie person, he’s also never one to turn Hyungwon down.

Changkyun is put in charge of the popcorn as Hyungwon pulls a few cans of beer out of the fridge. He smiles when he sees that it’s the brand he likes and eagerly takes a sip once they make themselves comfortable on the couch.

They’re at least twenty minutes into the movie, but Changkyun still has no idea what the plot is about; he doesn’t even know the main character’s name.

It’s not that the movie is boring per se, but Changkyun can’t tear his gaze away from Hyungwon. He’s wearing what he always wears at home, a plain white t-shirt—thoroughly creased with wrinkles from not being folded properly—with sweatpants and his hair is a mess from his habit of running his hands through it at every opportunity. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, a sight he’s seen plenty of times before, but today even more than usual, Changkyun thinks he looks beautiful like this.

He's so lost in thoughts of Hyungwon that he doesn’t even notice when the movie is paused. That is, until Hyungwon throws a piece of popcorn at him—it hits him right on the nose.

“Yah, you’re not even watching,” he accuses.

Changkyun still feels weirdly in a daze. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. The movie’s kinda slow, I don’t know why it’s so highly rated.” Hyungwon takes a large handful of popcorn and stuffs it all in his mouth at once. “But it’s a good excuse to eat popcorn.”

“As if you need an excuse for that. I’m fairly certain that on the days you don’t drag me out for food, you just eat chips for all your meals.”

“And you’re any better?”

“Yeah, at least I eat ramen. That’s considered the minimum of a socially acceptable meal. It even has vegetables.”

“Those aren’t real vegetables. By that logic, potato chips also count as vegetables.”

“But potato chips are more processed. The vegetables in ramen are dehydrated, but otherwise remain true to their original form.”

“Face it, Changkyun. We’re both equally abominations to society.”

Changkyun’s retort is cut off by Hyungwon bringing a piece of popcorn to his mouth. His fingers briefly brush against Changkyun’s lips—it lasts for less than a second, but it’s enough to cause his brain to short-circuit.

If Changkyun were a water droplet, barely holding itself together through cohesive forces and the slightest of touches strong enough to break through its surface tension, then he would be a puddle right now. His brain does indeed feel like a puddle—he nearly forgets to chew the piece of popcorn that was unceremoniously placed in his mouth.

Hyungwon waves a hand in front of his face. “Earth to Changkyun? How many fingers am I holding up?”

Changkyun is fairly sure he’s not drunk—the two glasses of wine he drank earlier having lost their effect on the walk over and the one can of beer definitely not enough—but somehow he can’t answer this simple question.

Instead, he says, “I love you.”

He watches as Hyungwon’s eyes widen in surprise—feels his own mirroring them as he slowly comes to the realization of what he’s just said.

Hyungwon’s expression returns neutral for a few, very frightening seconds, and then shifts to something that Changkyun can’t quite decipher. On the bright side, it definitely doesn’t seem like disgust or disdain, but it’s definitely not particularly positive either.

If he had to give it a name—disappointment? But that doesn’t quite make sense either.

Before he can further analyze just what kind of emotion that could be, it’s gone and Hyungwon’s face returns to terrifyingly neutral.

After the longest pause Changkyun has ever had to endure, Hyungwon finally speaks.

“Did you have too much to drink?”

Of all things Changkyun was bracing himself to hear, this was not something he could’ve imagined.

“What? No.”

Hyungwon stares at him, as if appraising him. He leans in dangerously close and Chaangkyun thinks his heart might just stop. He doesn’t dare glance downwards because if he saw how close their lips were in this moment, he doesn’t know what he’d do.

“I can smell the wine on you.” He says it as more of a fact than an accusation.

 “I mean, yeah, I drank a bit of wine earlier, but I’m not drunk.”

“The answer was three.”

“Huh?”

Hyungwon holds up three fingers in front of his face. “Someone who can’t even count to three definitely isn’t in their right mind.”

Changkyun doesn’t have a particularly strong argument to defend himself. Hyungwon isn’t wrong that he’s not in his right mind at the moment, but he’s wrong about the cause. It’s not the alcohol that’s messing with his head—it’s Hyungwon.

The older man gets up from the couch and takes out two light jackets from the closet, throwing one of them at Changkyun.

“It gets chilly at night,” Hyungwon says, as if that explains anything.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m walking you home.”

“What? Why?” Changkyun doesn’t quite know how to process anything that’s happened in the past ten minutes, but he can’t deny that this feels like a rejection. He professed his feelings of love only to be accused of being an alcoholic and is now getting kicked out. If this isn’t a rejection, then what else could it possibly be?

Hyungwon is in the middle of putting his shoes on when he hears Changkyun’s question. He doesn’t even look up as he answers simply, “I can’t let you go home alone. I worry about you.”

It’s an answer that does nothing to quell his confusion and only opens room for more questions—though Changkyun decides not to voice them. Instead, he obediently follows Hyungwon out the door, trailing slightly behind him for the entire walk back to his place.

Changkyun has always been thankful for how close their apartments are. They hadn’t planned it that way, but something—coincidence, destiny, his real estate agent—had brought them together.

Normally, he’s thankful for how short the walk is because it means he gets to see Hyungwon sooner. Today, he’s thankful because it means he can be alone faster.

Hyungwon drops him off at his door and everything seems relatively fine on the surface. The air is only mildly awkward, which Changkyun thinks is at least somewhat of a win. Considering the fact that he just got rejected and might’ve ruined their entire friendship by confessing, he thinks mildly awkward is far from the worst it could be.

But then again, what kind of person rejects someone and proceeds to give them a jacket so they won’t get cold and personally escort them home? Hyungwon’s reaction when he had told him he loved him is still something Changkyun doesn’t know how to decipher.

He thinks back to the night they all went for karaoke. Hyungwon’s behavior has been strange for a while now, alternating between weirdly cold towards him and weirdly caring.

Changkyun closes his eyes to go to sleep, but it seems his mind has other plans. He feels as if he’s running in circles in his head, chasing explanation after explanation only to find that none of them add up correctly.

When he opens his eyes, he’s met with the harsh morning sunlight streaming through his window. He didn’t get to sleep at all.

A week later, Changkyun has barely spoken to Hyungwon and has decided to spend his Saturday night staying home and being sad about it. Through the few texts they have exchanged, Changkyun has deciphered that this entire incident has been deemed a “don’t talk about it, it didn’t happen” type of situation once again and he can’t tell how he feels about that.

Of course, if he’s been rejected and Hyungwon’s clever use of redirection was simply a strategy meant to spare his feelings, then he supposes that pretending it never happened and quietly moving on is the easiest way to go about things. However, the key word here is “if.”

While most signs do point to the fact that he was rejected, Changkyun can’t ignore the few discrepancies that simply do not fit into the equation. After all, it’s impossible to completely prove something because that would mean being able to test infinite situations to ensure that there are no inconsistencies with the proposed explanation. To disprove something, though, is quite simple; all it takes is one, little contradiction and everything comes crumbling down.

Perhaps it’s wishful thinking, a form of delusion that Changkyun has employed as a defense mechanism to avoid facing rejection, but he clings to that little bit of hope.

After all, what sane person would offer to walk someone home after rejecting them? Why would he give him his jacket? It’s not a lot of evidence, nor is it particularly telling, but it’s enough for Changkyun to question the validity of the assumption that he has been rejected. More research is in order before he can come to an acceptable conclusion.

He’s not expecting any guests, so he’s surprised when he suddenly hears the doorbell ring. His surprise is furthered when he looks at the monitor to find Kihyun and Minhyuk standing in his doorway.

When Changkyun opens the door, Minhyuk doesn’t hesitate to barge inside, swiftly tossing his shoes off and plopping on the couch.

“Yes, please come in. Make yourself at home,” Changkyun says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“We thought it’d be a good idea to come check up on you,” Kihyun explains as he holds up two grocery bags. “Not empty-handed, of course.”

“Not that I don’t appreciate the company, but why exactly do I need checking up on?”

Kihyun starts unpacking the bags onto the kitchen counter, revealing a few containers of side dishes along with some fresh ingredients. “You’ve been acting weird recently and if my guess is right, you haven’t had a proper meal all week.”

“And we’re gonna make you spill whatever is going on between you and Hyungwon,” Minhyuk chimes in, joining Kihyun in the kitchen to unpack the second bag which seems to be filled entirely with alcohol. He holds up a bottle of soju in each hand. “Pick your poison.”

“Minhyuk-hyung, those two are the same.”

“I know. Asking you to pick was just a formality. We only brought soju, but don’t worry, we made sure it’s your favorite brand.”

“Wow, how kind of you.”

“Yeah, you’re really lucky to have friends like us,” Minhyuk says as he finds the shot glasses from the cabinet and immediately fills one, pushing it towards Changkyun. He bats his eyelashes expectantly, as if that will convince Changkyun to drink it.

“Minhyuk, slow down,” Kihyun chides. “Let’s at least prepare the food first.”

“Fine,” he sulkily agrees, picking up an onion to peel. Changkyun offers his assistance as well, but Minhyuk shoos him away. “If you want something to do, you can entertain us with the story of what happened between you and Hyungwon.”

“Changkyun, you can start washing the vegetables,” Kihyun says, effectively ignoring Minhyuk.

The three of them are surprisingly efficient thanks to Kihyun and before long, they’re seated around the dining table with a steaming pot of kimchi jjigae and a plate piled high with pork belly. Changkyun didn’t realize how much he had been craving a homemade meal until this very moment.

“You’re gonna give yourself indigestion by eating that fast,” Kihyun nags.

“It’s just really good,” Changkyun says around a mouthful of food.

Minhyuk who seems to have resumed his efforts to get Changkyun drunk pushes the soju towards him. “It’s okay, you can just wash it down with this.”

Kihyun shoots him a judgmental glare to which he simply responds, “You said to wait until we prepared the food and I did.”

“I guess you can’t argue with that,” Changkyun says, finally accepting the shot that Minhyuk has poured from him.

Soon enough, the table is covered in both empty dishes and empty bottles, which they take as their cue to relocate to the couch. Once comfortable, Minhyuk wastes no time in getting to the point. “Okay, so do you want to tell us what happened?”

“Want” is a strong word, Changkyun thinks. It’s difficult enough to sort out his thoughts on his own, trying to distinguish between what really happened and memories that have been warped from either fear or fantasy. He’s not necessarily trying to hide it from his friends, but he simply doesn’t know what to say or how to say it.

Kihyun seems to sense his hesitation and adds, “We’re not trying to force you. But I think talking about it might help and we’re here to listen.”

Changkyun sighs. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it. I honestly just—I don’t even know what it is. Everything is so confusing.”

“That’s okay,” Minhyuk says. “Start from the beginning. Last time, we had to get you plastered to even admit that you liked Hyungwon, but recently you no longer seem in denial. In fact, you were clinging onto him quite a bit at karaoke that one time. What happened there?”

“Oh my god, was I that obvious?” Changkyun asks, burying his head in his hands out of embarrassment.

Kihyun chuckles at him. “Relax, it probably wasn’t obvious to him, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Yeah, Hyungwon is always oblivious to people being interested in him. Honestly, it feels like a waste of a pretty face. Or maybe he just gets so much attention that he’s become desensitized to it,” Minhyuk chimes in. “But that’s not the point. Don’t avoid the question.”

“I’m not even sure. It’s not like something happened—there was no big ‘aha’ moment or dramatic reveal or anything like that. We were hanging out a lot and I got home one night and I realized I didn’t just like him, I think I love him. And after I figured that out, it got a lot harder to ignore.”

“Awww, Changkyunnie is in love,” Minhyuk coos and the youngest glares at him for it. “And then what?”

“It was slowly driving me insane trying to suppress it, so I eventually decided that I should confess.”

“And did you?”

“Well. Sorta? I don’t know.”

Minhyuk furrows his eyebrows at him. “How do you sorta confess? How can you not know?”

“Well, last week we were watching a movie together and I drank a little, but I wasn’t drunk at all. Hyungwon-hyung did something that kinda sent me into panic mode and he asked how many fingers he was holding up and I replied that I love him and then he accused me of being drunk and kicked me out. Well, he didn’t really kick me out—like he walked me home, but it was weird and we haven’t talked about it at all. Actually, I guess we talked a little, but never about what happened and I don’t really know what to make of that.”

“Changkyun, breathe,” Kihyun says. “So to reiterate, Hyungwon was trying to see how drunk you were by making you count fingers.”

“And you told him that you love him,” Minhyuk finishes.

“Yeah…” he trails off. He grabs the nearest pillow to bury his head in, suddenly feeling the need to hide as well as drown out the sound of his friends’ laughter.

“Sorry,” Kihyun says when he recovers from his laughing fit. “So how did he react when you said it?”

Changkyun groans in frustration, though the sound is muffled by the pillow. “I couldn’t tell. His expression was really hard to read.” He pauses for a moment to think back to that moment. “I don’t think he looked mad, but in a way, he did kinda seem mad?”

“Changkyun-ah, I really want to help, but that doesn’t make any sense,” Minhyuk says very unhelpfully.

“I know it doesn’t make any sense, that’s why I’m stressed!” Changkyun takes a deep breath to calm himself down and regather his thoughts once more. “I guess it reminds me of the way Kihyun-hyung gets mad when he comes over and sees that I let the dishes pile up or when he finds out I’ve eaten ramen for a week straight.”

“Ohh, so more like disappointed mad? With the whole ‘I expected better from you’ speech?” Minhyuk asks to clarify.

Kihyun rolls his eyes at that, but still asks “Why do you think Hyungwon would be disappointed in you?”

“Hyung, if I knew the answer to that, then I wouldn’t be in this mess,” he sighs. “Maybe he thinks I’m an alcoholic and is judging my alcohol consumption.”

“I’m pretty sure Hyungwon can easily outdrink any of us, maybe even all three of us combined,” Minhyuk says. “And even if that weren’t the case, you know he wouldn’t judge you for something like that.”

“Do you think it’s possible that,” Kihyun speaks slowly and softly, as if he might scare Changkyun off if he’s not careful. “Maybe the reason he was so disappointed to realize you might have been drunk was because he hoped you would have said it sober?”

“But that doesn’t make sense, hyung. Why would he be hoping for that?”

“Has it ever crossed your mind, dear Changkyun, that this one-sided crush you’ve been moping about might not be one-sided?” Minhyuk asks.

“I—” Changkyun realizes he doesn’t quite know what to say to that.

“Obviously, I can’t speak for Hyungwon or know what goes on in his head,” Minhyuk continues. “But I’m pretty sure that no matter how drunk I was, he would not offer to walk me home.”

“It’s just because we live close to each other, that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Changkyun, I think Minhyuk has a point,” Kihyun says. “Hyungwon does treat you differently. The way he talks to you is always gentle. He treats you more carefully, like you’re precious to him. Again, we can’t speak for him or know for sure, but the way I see it, I think your chances are pretty good.”

“I think you should confess to him again. Sober, this time,” Minhyuk adds.

“Hyung, I—I can’t,” Changkyun says. “What if I’m wrong? What if he doesn’t like me back?”

 “Changkyun-ah,” Kihyun says, voice soft and gentle. “You can’t think like that. When it comes to things like this, sometimes it’s a risk you have to take.”

“But what’s the difference between me being sober or not? It’s not like everything I say is a lie just because I’m a little bit tipsy. And I wasn’t that time!”

“That may be the case, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re hiding behind the alcohol. You’re trying to use it as a shield, so that you have a backup excuse in case he doesn’t reciprocate. If he rejects you, you want to be able to say that you were drunk and didn’t mean it so that you can avoid the embarrassment,” Minhyuk says. His tone is gentle and in no way malicious, but Changkyun feels a little bit like he’s been slapped from the way Minhyuk sees right through him. “If you’re gonna do this, it has to be sober. Hyungwon deserves that much.”

“Is it really that bad?” Changkyun asks, voice almost impossibly small. “To want a little bit of liquid courage to rely on?”

“It’s not bad. It’s normal to be scared,” Kihyun reassures. “But you’re using it to protect your pride, so that you don’t have to admit to being rejected. That’s not fair to Hyungwon. Loving someone means you have to trust them enough to be vulnerable with them. If you can’t do that for him, then you can’t expect him to do it for you either.”

Deep down, Changkyun has always known this to be true. He’s known he was a coward from day one. Still, it hurts to hear it from someone else.

Concerned, Minhyuk comfortingly strokes the back of his head. “We’re not trying to say that you’re wrong. Confessions are always risky and rejections are scary. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide what’s more important to you, Hyungwon or your pride.”

Suddenly, the fog that was muddling Changkyun’s head has cleared away, like rain clouds unveiling a blue sky. “Hyungwon,” he says. “It’s not even a decision. Hyungwon is more important.”

Kihyun smiles proudly at him. “Then what are you waiting for?”

It turns out that, as has become quite evident, drunk Changkyun is much braver than sober Changkyun. It’s been two weeks since the day his friends have come to label as the second intervention and he is no closer to confessing.

He supposes he shouldn’t be surprised. The fact that he was too much of a coward to confess in the first place is what led him to alcohol and this whole debacle in the first place.

Still, Changkyun doesn’t think that anyone can really blame him for being scared. He’s certain that the idea of looking Hyungwon in the face—his absurdly beautiful face—and telling him that he’s been secretly in love with him for at least a year would be terrifying to anyone. Changkyun knows that if Hyungwon looks at him with that gentle gaze and rejects him with eyes full of concern, he will break down on the spot.

And that’s what leads Changkyun to his answer. If all of this will be solved as long as Changkyun doesn’t have to see his face, then he’ll confess without seeing his face. Simple as that.

He quickly pulls out his phone and dials Hyungwon’s number before he chickens out once again. Part of him hopes that Hyungwon won’t pick up so he can have just a bit longer to stall and mentally prepare for what he’s about to do, but unfortunately he doesn’t get that luxury because Hyungwon answers the call almost immediately.

“Hello?” Hyungwon greets.

Changkyun almost forgets how to speak. “Hey, hyung.”

“Is something up?”

“No, not really,” he says in a panic. “How was your day?”

“It was fine, but why?”

“I just wanted to know how your day went. Is that not allowed?”

“Well, it’s not that it’s not allowed, but you’re acting kinda strange. I don’t think you would call me just to ask that. Are you sure there’s not something else you wanna tell me?”

“Actually, yeah. Uh, I do need to tell you something.”

“Okay, what is it?”

Changkyun comes to the realization that he did not think nearly enough about what he was going to say. He kept dwelling on the “how” and didn’t even get to thinking about the “what.”

“Hello? You still there?” Hyungwon asks.

“Yeah, sorry. I just—I don’t know how to say it.”

“Is everything okay? You sound kinda off. Would it be easier if I came over?”

“No!” Changkyun says a little too quickly before he tries to corrects himself. “I just mean there’s no need to go through all that trouble.”

“I mean you live so close, it really wouldn’t be a big deal, but okay. Take your time, I’ll be listening.”

“Thanks, hyung. I appreciate it.” Changkyun takes a deep breath. Then, two more. He knows Hyungwon probably thinks he’s going insane and he doesn’t know if these breaths are even helping at all, so he gathers his determination and finally speaks.

“I like you, Hyungwon-hyung. More than like, actually. I think I’m in love with you.”

Changkyun wonders if Hyungwon can hear how unsteady his voice is through the phone. If this had been in person, he definitely would’ve seen the way his eyes are squeezed shut in fear and the way his body trembles.

Still, amongst the silence from the other end of the call, Changkyun’s shaky breaths are deafening.

“Hyung, are you still there?” His voice comes out in almost a whisper.

“Changkyun, are you drunk?”

“What?” he asks dumbly. His mind goes blank.

Hyungwon sighs. “Look, I was willing to just pretend it didn’t happen the first few times, but this is getting a bit much, don’t you think?”

“W-what are you talking about?” Changkyun feels tears threatening to form at the corners of his eyes. He’s glad Hyungwon can’t see him right now as he furiously blinks them away.

“The time you called me and I went over to check on you—I guess you don’t remember, but you said you loved me before you passed out. Then, there was last time when we were watching the movie and you’re just—you always get so affectionate when you’re drunk. And that’s fine, I know to some extent you obviously can’t help it, but I don’t think I can handle much more of you doing and saying things you don’t really mean every time you drink.”

“But hyung—”

“I’m sorry, Changkyun. I think it’s best if we forget this happened again. Make sure to drink enough water and get some rest. I’m hanging up.”

Changkyun doesn’t even get a chance to respond before his phone rudely beeps to inform him that the call has ended. His phone is still pressed to his ear as he hasn’t fully processed what just happened and his arm hasn’t quite gotten the memo that the call is over yet. He stays in that position for a long time and he doesn’t know when—barely even registers it happening—but at some point, tears begin silently streaming down his face.

Chae Hyungwon hangs up on Changkyun and promptly screams into the nearest pillow. He doesn’t understand why the younger is doing this to him.

It all started on that first day when Changkyun called him, extremely drunk. He picked up the phone to hear Changkyun mumble, “Hyung, I’m in love with you,” and then go completely silent. When he called his name multiple times with no response, he became worried enough to climb out of bed, put on some real clothes, and go to Changkyun’s apartment to check on him.

Using the spare key he’d been given for emergencies—and he maintains that this was indeed an emergency—he barged in without even knocking to find Changkyun sprawled across his coffee table and the half empty bottle of whiskey next to him.

He remembers trying to carry him to his room as gently as he could so as not to wake the younger and the fact that the light sleeper didn’t rouse at all from being relocated told Hyungwon that he really did have far too much to drink. After tucking him into bed, he dug around the cabinets and left some meds and a large class of water on Changkyun’s bedside table for his inevitable hangover.

On his way out, he took a swig of the whiskey and if anyone ever asks him about that, he’ll claim it was simply the emotional tax that was owed to him. Even now, he doesn’t think anyone can blame him for that—wanting a drink after your crush confesses to you and then passes out is pretty reasonable.

Hyungwon barely slept that night, not knowing what to make of the sudden confession. He didn’t think he could trust an alcohol-induced confession, though some part of him really wanted to.

Even though he partially expected it, he can’t say it didn’t hurt when he realized Changkyun didn’t remember anything about what he had said the previous night. Hyungwon debated a bit about whether or not he should fill him in before ultimately deciding not to. He figured that if he really meant it, then it would come up again, and if it was just something he randomly said because he was drunk, then it would be better to forget it anyway.

He became a lot more sensitive to Changkyun’s drinking habits after that. He noticed the way that he would be clingier, touchier once the effects of the alcohol started to set in. Despite being fully aware that it was because of the alcohol, Hyungwon couldn’t stop his heart from skipping a beat when Changkyun would grab his arm or lean on him in that state.

It was dangerous and logic told him that he should stay away from danger. Though it was the last thing he wanted to do, he made sure he always drew a line and pushed Changkyun away when he was drunk.

Still, he could never push Changkyun away completely. He likes spending time with him. He likes him.

It was right when Hyungwon was starting to let his guard back down, that Changkyun did it again. He told Hyungwon that he loved him, to his face that time, and it took everything Hyungwon had to not get his hopes up too high.

Reasonably, he didn’t think a few beers were enough to get Changkyun drunk, but he had to make sure and he found exactly what he feared—the traces of alcohol that had definitely impaired his judgement, made him spout nonsense once more. As much as he wanted to believe it wasn’t nonsense, Hyungwon just couldn’t trust the wine-tainted words.

He knows this time must be the same. He can’t bring himself to believe that Changkyun could actually reciprocate his feelings because if he does let himself believe and he’s wrong, the results will be catastrophic.

Hyungwon feels bad for hanging up on Changkyun, for cutting him off without even giving him a chance to speak, but he’s doing it for his own sake. Hyungwon’s heart can’t take much more of this whiplash.

As much as he loves Changkyun, he thinks maybe it’s not enough to just push him away when he’s drunk. Maybe he needs some time away from him entirely because right now, his feelings for Changkyun are strong enough to destroy him if he’s not careful and he finds that, around Changkyun, he’s never really capable of being careful.

Changkyun wakes up on the couch, eyes puffy and swollen from crying. He doesn’t even need to look in the mirror to know that he looks terrible.

He doesn’t know what to say to Hyungwon, afraid he’ll just make it worse, so he calls the only people he can think to call in this situation.

Within the hour, Minhyuk and Kihyun arrive at his doorstep, hands full of groceries once again. The food was not something he requested, but it’s definitely appreciated nonetheless.

Minhyuk takes one look at him and pulls him into a warm hug. Kihyun gently pats his head in comfort on his way to the kitchen.

“How do pancakes sound?” he asks, already taking out all the ingredients.

“That sounds great,” Changkyun says.

“While Kihyun does that, do you wanna talk about what happened?” Minhyuk asks.

Changkyun takes a deep breath and nods.

“It’s okay, there’s no rush. Go at whatever pace you’re comfortable with,” Minhyuk adds.

He tells them everything. He talks about how after they talked last time, he went back to square one of being too afraid to confess and concluded that the only way he could do it was over the phone. He recites word for word what Hyungwon had told him on the call.

Somehow perfectly timed, as soon as he finishes his story, a tall stack of pancakes is placed in front of him.

“Eat before it gets cold,” Kihyun says, cutting into his own stack. Next to him, Minhyuk begins drowning his pancakes in syrup.

“What are you gonna do now? And do you need the syrup?” Minhyuk asks casually, as if those two questions are of equal difficulty.

He takes the bottle of syrup with a sigh. “I don’t know. He didn’t believe me. How am I supposed to convince him now?”

“Well, you could start by telling him in person,” Kihyun says.

“I’m scared.”

“Changkyun, I know it’s scary but you can’t keep hiding like this. We talked about this,” Minhyuk responds.

“I know, I messed up. I chickened out and then before I knew it I was calling him and it was too late to take it back and now I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Talk to him. Tell him what you told us,” Kihyun says. “If he cares about you enough, and I know he does, he’ll hear you out.”

“But he didn’t even believe me. He didn’t even let me try to explain,” Changkyun whines.

“You know, it’s kind of like that story, the one about the boy who cried wolf,” Minhyuk says. “He lied so many times about the wolf attacking that the villagers didn’t believe him even when he was telling the truth.”

“I wasn’t lying! It was the truth every single time!”

“Changkyun, we know that because you told us, but Hyungwon doesn’t really have a way of knowing that. Considering you don’t even remember telling him the first time because you were drunk, I think Hyungwon has good reason to doubt your credibility.”

He knows Minhyuk is right, but it’s never pleasant to hear your mistakes all laid out for you.

“But it’s not too late,” Kihyun reassures. “You can still explain it to him now.”

“I think you’re right,” Changkyun says, standing up from his seat with renewed determination. “Thank you, Kihyun-hyung, Minhyuk-hyung. I think I just needed to hear it from someone else.”

“Anytime, Changkyun-ah,” Kihyun says.

“That’s what friends are for,” Minhyuk adds.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be.”

And with that, Changkyun runs out the door.

Changkyun is realizing more and more that he really tends to lack forethought. This is what he thinks to himself as he stands in front of Hyungwon’s door having no idea what exactly he’s supposed to say in this situation.

Hyungwon looks surprised, reasonably so, as he opens the door to see Changkyun’s disheveled appearance.

“Hyungwon-hyung, we need to talk,” Changkyun pants, still out of breath from running here.

The older look apprehensive, but wordlessly gestures for Changkyun to enter. It’s only after he’s inside that he notices Hyungwon is still in his pajamas and his hair is ruffled from sleep.

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” he asks. He suddenly realizes he doesn’t even know what time it is.

“No, I was just laying in bed,” Hyungwon replies simply.

The air between them is a bit awkward, which is understandable considering how their last conversation went down as well as the fact that Changkyun has just barged in here unannounced for an unknown purpose.

“First, I need you to know that I am completely, one-hundred-percent sober right now,” he says.

Hyungwon blinks at him. “Changkyun, it’s like two in the afternoon. Why wouldn’t you be sober? I’d be a little concerned if you weren’t.”

“I don’t know. I just, I needed to make that clear before I say what I’m about to say.”

“Okay,” Hyungwon says, clearly confused.

“I’m sorry. I was a coward and I wasn’t being fair to you,” Changkyun continues.

“Are you aware that you aren’t making any sense right now?”

“I—fuck—I should’ve practiced this. As soon as I realized how much of a jerk I was being, I ran over here to apologize and explain myself, but words are hard and I’m still a coward so I keep stalling instead of saying what’s really important.”

Hyungwon puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I can’t say that I know what you’re trying to get at, but, um, it’s okay. Take your time. Breathe.”

“Right, breathing is good. Breathing is important.” Changkyun does as he’s told and takes a few deep breaths. “Hyungwon-hyung, all those times I confessed to you, I meant it. Even the time I don’t remember. I don’t know exactly how long it’s been, but I’ve been in love with you for probably more than a year by now. At first, I kept trying to drink because I thought a bit of liquid courage would help me tell you, but then I started using it as an excuse. I wanted to use it to protect my pride so that if you rejected me, I could just say it was a mistake.”

Changkyun makes sure to look Hyungwon straight in the eye as he continues. “But that was wrong of me and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even thought about lying and calling it a mistake because it’s not. Loving you could never be a mistake.”

“Changkyun,” Hyungwon says, eyes wide.

“Wait, hyung, let me finish, please” Changkyun interrupts. “I know it might be hard to believe me after all that’s happened, but I’ll do anything to convince you that my feelings are genuine. And it’s also okay if you don’t feel the same way, I’ll understand, but I think I owe it to you to finally tell the truth and I promise it really is the truth.”

“Changkyun,” Hyungwon calls once more.

“Wait, no, one more thing.” Changkyun is pretty sure he’s rambling now, but he can’t stop. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but please don’t cut me out. I promise I’ll make it so that my feelings don’t burden you, but I really can’t lose you as a friend and—”

This time it’s Hyungwon’s turn to interrupt. He leans in and presses his lips to Changkyun’s.

Changkyun’s body reacts before his brain has time to process what’s happening and suddenly, he’s kissing back.

“I love you too,” Hyungwon says when he pulls away. “Probably also for more than a year.”

“Oh.”

“The first time you called and told me you loved me, I’ll admit I kinda got my hopes up. But then you didn’t remember anything. And I noticed that any time it seemed like you might return my feelings, you also happened to be drinking, so if that was the only reason, I didn’t want to keep giving myself false hope.”

“I’m sorry I was such a coward,” Changkyun says, head drooping in shame.

Hyungwon places a hand on his cheek, lifting his head back up to meet his gaze. “Stop apologizing, Changkyun-ah. I was a coward too. I also had plenty of chances ask you about those times instead of pretending they didn’t happen, but I was too scared to hear an answer that I didn’t want. I was always waiting for you to bring it up first.”

“I guess we’re both stupid cowards, huh?”

“Yeah, we definitely are, but that doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing that matters now is that I can do this,” he says and pulls Changkyun in for another kiss.

“Does this mean we’re dating now?” Changkyun asks, just to be sure. It’s a bit of a silly question considering his declaration of love just now which was followed by not just one, but two passionate kisses and the Changkyun of a few weeks—even a few days ago—definitely would’ve kept the question to himself out of fear that Hyungwon would judge him for asking something so silly.

But Changkyun finds that he’s no longer afraid.

“Of course, as long as that’s what you want too,” Hyungwon replies.

Changkyun looks up at him, beaming. “I do want that.”

“Good. Maybe we should do something fun to celebrate our first day as a couple.”

Changkyun laughs. “I didn’t know you’d be into things like that, hyung.”

“What can I say? You turn me into a hopeless romantic.”

“That’s so cheesy. But okay, what do you want to do?”

“Maybe we can go out for a nice dinner? Order a fancy bottle of wine?” Hyungwon suggests.

Changkyun winces. “As much as I would normally enjoy that, is alcohol really a good idea? After all this mess?”

“I mean, now that I know you’re serious, I don’t really have a reason to be opposed to it. And besides, you’re pretty cute when you get all touchy when you’re drunk.”

“Well, okay, but for the record, I can do that sober too. I wasn’t even drunk half those times, I was mostly was just using alcohol as an excuse to be able to do it more.”

“Is that a promise?” Hyungwon asks, pulling Changkyun closer to him.

Changkyun chuckles and leans into Hyungwon’s embrace. “Yeah, it’s a promise.”