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Sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night has become somewhat of a routine for Finney. Say goodnight to Gwen and Terrence. Make sure they are asleep. Lock the door to your room from the inside. Be quiet when leaving through the window.
It was nerve wrecking at first. Finney couldn’t relax when he was out. He kept thinking that his father would somehow find out. Thankfully, months have gone by without a single incident.
The thing is, he’s not even worried about himself. No, not at all. He is used to getting the belt for the smallest things. But Albert… He is dreading to even think about what Terrence would do to Albert. The thought of it is still at the back of his mind whenever they spend time together but not as persistent as it used to be. The pressure to keep their relationship a secret is still harrowing.
They usually meet a couple of times a week. Always at night. Always at the back of Albert’s van. Away from the prying eyes of others. Albert says he wishes he could take him out for a date but it’s a small town. Everyone knows each other. It’s far too risky. Finney understands. He just wishes things were a little bit different.
Which is why it’s hard for him to hide his excitement when instead of getting in the back of the van yet again Albert directs him to the passenger seat and takes them to the local beach.
Finney takes in the tranquillity of the faint sound of waves and the clear night sky, as they sit in the sand, clinging to each other in an embrace. Spending time together out in the open has always been out of the question. He’s used to pretending not to know Albert whenever they stumble upon each other in public. Even though Finney thinks it’s a little excessive, Albert has reassured him time and time again that it is absolutely necessary.
This is nice. Finney shifts into Albert’s lap and looks up at him, propping his chin on the man’s chest to be able to peer into his eyes. Albert’s face lights up in a smirk. He ruffles the boy’s hair and effortlessly gets up from the ground, lifting Finney up by the thighs. He instinctively wraps his legs around the older man’s waist and his arms around his neck, soaking in the comfort and warmth of his presence.
“Light as a feather,” Albert’s voice is barely above a whisper.
“You like it.”
“I do.”
Finney eyes him with pure adoration, savouring the moment of being held by the man he loves. The man that makes him feel wanted, like he finally belongs. Albert’s strong arms wrapped around his young and fragile body make him feel at peace. It’s hard to remember what his life was like before they met.
Albert places a kiss on his forehead, as he begins walking towards the ocean. He doesn’t let go off Finney. In fact, his grip only strengthens.
“You know I love you, right?” The man asks, stepping into the water.
Finney slowly nods, getting a tad suspicious.
Albert grins and speeds up. Before Finney can even register what is happening, he feels his body come into contact with cold water.
“Al!” He exclaims with a laugh of disbelief, as he emerges back to the surface, brushing his now wet hair off his face. “You could’ve warned me! I could’ve taken my shirt off.”
The man shrugs. He looks absolutely breathtaking in the moonlight. And his shameless smile… Oh, his smile. How could Finney be possibly mad at him? The boy shakes his head at the lack of remorse and attempts to tackle Albert under the water. He predictably fails, being much smaller than him. Either way, he ends up descending to Finney’s level on his own after a good minute of a laughing fit, capturing his lips in a kiss. It’s slow and sensual, yet noticeably hungry. They cling to each other, Albert intertwining his fingers in the boy’s hair, Finney grabbing onto the front of his soaked shirt, standing on his tiptoes. The water ripples around them, as they simply cannot stay in one place.
After a moment, Albert pulls away. He looks into Finney's eyes and the boy is taken aback by how serious he seems all of a sudden.
“Let’s run away together.”
Run away, huh? It’s a tempting but ridiculous idea. There is just too much at stake.
“I’d love to,” Finney starts, averting his gaze. “I just… I can’t just leave Gwen here all by herself. Alone with dad. I couldn’t do that to her.”
Albert places a gentle hand on Finney’s cheek, slowly caressing it. The boy instinctively leans into the touch.
“What, you couldn’t do what she’s already done to you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Last week,” Albert moves in closer, scooping Finney and lifting him up to his eye level. “When it was your mother’s death anniversary, she went to a sleepover at her friend’s house, didn’t she? Leaving Terrence to take out his frustration on you and you only.”
“She didn’t mean to…” Finney whispers, weakly attempting to get back on his feet.
“You spent the whole night crying in my arms. I can still see the bruises,” he holds on tighter and nods to the boy’s shoulder that’s covered in a faint reminder of the beatings he endured. “What kind of sister does that?”
“Al…”
“What are you even clinging on to?” Albert asks softly, pressing their foreheads together. “Hm? You’ve no friends, your father hates you, your sister doesn’t care about you.”
“Don’t say that,” he can feel his eyes well up with tears. “She does. I know she does.”
The words Albert is saying are dreadful, a punch in the gut. He doesn’t want to accept them as truth, holding on to the hope that he is wrongly interpreting the situation. But there is a part of him that wants to agree. She knew what day it was and yet she left. Albert was the one to comfort him, soothe his pain.
“You deserve better.”
“Al, please…” he pleads, his voice breaking.
“I could give you the life you deserve,” Albert places a quick kiss on his lips and pulls away to peer into his eyes.
“I can’t.”
There is nothing more he wants than to accept the offer. They could start a new life in a place where no one knows them. They could be themselves, not hiding away in a van in the dead of the night. Despite that, he’d never forgive himself for abandoning Gwen.
“Huh,” the older man sighs, frowning. “I suppose that means we won’t be able to see each other again.”
Finney’s eyes widen at the statement. No… That can’t be. He wouldn’t do that to him, right? Right?
“What? Why!?”
“You can’t possibly think we can keep going like this, do you?” Albert sets him down, leaving Finney in the cold water, yearning to seek the warmth that engulfed him a moment ago.
“But it’s been just fine… I don’t understand.”
“It hasn’t though, has it?” He offers him a sad smile, grazing Finney’s temple with his fingers. “It hasn’t been fine. It’s been torture. I’m only able to see you on select days, at night, sneaking around in the dark like a petty thief. I can’t do that anymore.” His voice seems to get quieter with each sentence. “It’s a hard decision to make but I understand it if you don’t need me as much as I need you.”
“I need you! You’re the only person that understands me!” Finney shouts out, a stark contrast to Albert’s whisper. He sounds desperate, utterly devastated.
“Then let me take you away.”
Finney lowers his head, weighing his options. Albert or Gwen. He can’t have both, that’s the ultimatum. He can be with the man that makes him feel wanted only if he leaves his sister behind. Alone with their abusive father.
A tear rolls down his cheek. He looks up at Albert, who is patiently waiting for an answer. He reaches out to wipe the wet trail, leaving the hand to linger on the boy’s face. Finney covers his hand with his own, pressing it even closer, seeking the warmth he longs for. He craves the touches, the attention that the man has been showering him with ever since they met. He can’t imagine losing it. Even if it means leaving everything behind to be with him.
He loves Gwen but he needs Albert.
“Okay,” he finally speaks up. “Okay.”
He wants to say that he is content with his decision. He is scared that he will regret it later, that the consequences will be too dire, but right now all that matters is Albert pulling Finney into his arms, covering his face with kisses, and whispering little nothings. At this moment, he feels like he made the right choice. For now, he is where he belongs.