Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He woke up screaming and sobbing. The ghost feelings of cuts from knives and bruises from hands were all over him. He curled up in a ball and hugged his stomach as he heard another body half-way fall out of their bed and stumble towards the door. His sobs would not stop as his mind supplied him with more ghosts. They didn’t stop when he felt the bed dip. They came harder when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey bud, it was a nightmare. Ghosts can’t hurt you here.”

But that wasn’t true. They hurt him. He didn’t have any fresh cuts but they still found ways to hurt.

“Come here, Neil.”

Neil slowly unraveled himself, and when Wymack could get an arm around his waist Neil let himself go into his dad’s embrace. It was still new for Neil— the hugs, the high-fives, the comfort— but getting over the initial fear of men was a quick learning curve. Neil’s social worker had said the adjustment period should be relatively short since he was able to be placed into Wymack’s care at a young age. Still, six years of pure terror would leave its mark.

The boy’s body still tremored, but his sobs had calmed once Wymack had him in his arms. The older man rubbed his back, trying to soothe him in the way the social worker had advised. Neil liked it, it felt nice. It wasn’t light touches like his mom, affection she would teased him with, but it also wasn’t rough.

“Is he okay?”

Kevin. His adoptive brother who was two years older than him. They shared a room. At first Kevin complained because he liked having his own room and there were two other rooms in the house, but once he saw how much Neil hated being alone he relented.

“He will be.”

“Can I help?”

“You want to trade? I’ll go get him some water.”

At first, when Wymack and Kevin would trade they wouldn’t move quick enough and Neil would panic and start crying all over again. Neil hated it because it made him feel childish— even if he really only was a child— but when Kevin would grab the water Neil would freak out more. Neil didn’t have the energy or emotional maturity to analyze why but everything eventually seemed to stem back to his birth dad anyways.

Now, they have a system. Motions so fluid Neil barely registers the switch, but now Kevin’s head is against his. Arms wrapped sound his shoulders. He starts whispering to Neil, recounting his Exy practice that morning, even though Neil was there on the sidelines because Wymack was the coach and Neil didn’t like babysitters. Kevin tells him about what he learned and his cool shots on goal. Tells him about the new kids on the team and which ones he thinks Neil could outrun.

Neil’s heard it all before. He’ll hear it again. It’s a routine, and it’s something that gives him comfort. Though in all honesty, Kevin could start reciting his times tables and Neil would still find comfort in it. His brother has held a certain amount of confidence in his voice no matter what he talks about. Neil wants to be his brother.

“Wanna talk?”

Neil said nothing in return. Just tried to dig himself deeper into Kevin’s chest. He could feel his heartbeat and the warmness of his chest. He’s not shaking anymore. His ghosts are leaving but it leaves Neil with an ache in his chest. He hates that ache.

Wymack came back into the room shortly after holding a glass of water. “Here you go, bud.”

He made no move to unravel himself from Kevin just shook his head so Wymack set the glass of water on the nightstand and sat on the bed.

“Has he said anything yet?”

Neil felt Kevin shake his head as he replied, “No, but he moved earlier.”

Not speaking was normal. Neil got quiet when his ghosts followed him— old habits coming back. Being so scared he couldn’t move was something Wymack had come to recognize as a sign that Neil was reverting too much into himself.

Kevin and Wymack must have had some sort of telepathic communication because Kevin starts adjusting himself and Neil to lay down on the bed.

“Staying?” Neil whispers. You’d barely catch it but Neil asks it every time so Kevin knows to listen for it.

“Yeah, your bed’s better.”

That’s a lie. Neil has crawled into Kevin’s bed plenty of times and knows for a fact that his brother’s is the better one but Kevin is staying so Neil doesn’t complain. “‘Kay.”

He hears Wymack say goodnight and close the door before he drifts back into sleep.

Chapter Text

“No, you’re a stupid little shit!”

“Wow, so original Neil. You just copy everything I do.”

“Do not!”

“Do, too!”

Neil just about jumped on his brother but instead opted to snatch the exy ball off the ground and throw it at Kevin. However, no matter how impeccable Neil’s aim was— he had a knack for basically all sports but refused to play anything other than Exy— Kevin’s ability to guess Neil’s actions was even better. Kevin was moving to dodge the ball before Neil could change course. The ball flew through the air and did in fact hit a target but it was not Kevin; instead it was a short blonde boy.

The ball hit the boy in the back of the head and then fell humorously to the ground. Neil could instantly see the anger radiating from the boy before he even turned around to see who had thrown it at him. There was an older lady with dark skin and long curly hair near the blonde boy standing in shock before quickly moving towards the boy. Neil assumed she went to check if he was okay, which she did, but instead of checking his head, Neil saw her move to place her hands over his clenched fists.

Kevin snorted which grabbed his attention again. But before Neil could choose between picking out his favorite curse word or raising a fist, Wymack came storming at them. Neil didn’t tremble in fear as he might’ve a year or two ago but he definitely knew he was in deep shit. And apparently Kevin knew that too, because he quickly wiped the smile off his face and looked, with no luck, for a spot to hide.

They had come to the park for “family bonding” which most times consisted of practicing Exy. Lately, the brothers had been fighting over everything. Summer boredom wasn’t helping.

“What. The fuck. Do you two think you’re doing?” Wymack demanded as he hauled them away from the blonde boy and his mother and basically plopped them on the sidewalk.

Neither boy answered, petty frowns evident on their faces behind their helmets. Neil didn’t think Wymack saw their scuffle so much as he heard it. He was probably looking for answers neither boy was giving without a lecture.

Wymack pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He muttered something about wearing condiments (which confused Neil) and going underground before addressing them again, “First of all, what did I say about swearing in public?”

“Not to,” Kevin mumbled.

“I’m sorry?” Wymack questioned, clearly wanting more from his “no bullshit” tone.

“You said not to swear unless it’s at home,” Kevin answered again, this time with a little more confidence.

Wymack nodded, crossing his arms. “Exactly, and whom are you absolutely not allowed to swear to?”

Neil answered this time. “Family.”

“So why did I hear both of you calling each other ‘stupid little shits’?”

Kevin caved first, because he always does. And here Neil thought he was the youngest. “Neil is always copying me! He follows me around at home and tries to butt into my practices but we’re not even in the same age division!”

“You’re the one always acting too cool for me. As if the moment you get bored you’re not the one begging me to play you in MarioKart,” Neil countered, crossing his arms and pouting.

Their dad was having none of it. “Kevin, Neil is eight and your younger impressionable brother. Try to act like the mature ten year old I know you can be and be nice. And Neil, Kevin is always going to be your brother and he’s going to stop ignoring you,” Wymack looked at Kevin very pointedly at that fact, “but you also need to give him some space sometimes, too. Remember that he has his team practices and you have yours.”

Neil knew his dad was gearing up to say more but Neil already checked out. Instead his attention drifted back to the blonde boy and the older lady. The older lady had already turned her attention to the playground. Then Neil’s gaze landed on the blonde boy who had not yet gone to play. The boy was looking at him with a certain bored look, but something in his demeanor sent a chill through Neil and he found himself breaking eye contact and looking back at Wymack.

Wymack had an intense look on his face, like he was expecting Neil to answer a question he had asked, but Neil had heard nothing.

“Well, Neil?” Wymack questioned.

Neil started blankly back. “Um, what?”

Kevin snickered, and when Wymack shot him a scolding look, he whined in an attempt to get himself out of trouble. “Why are you looking at me like that? I’m not the one who hit a random kid in the head with an exy ball.”

Wymack blinked at Kevin then looked at Neil. Neil looked back trying to tell him with his eyes that he did not, for once, instigate a fight with a random child. It was just an accident. He was instead trying to instigate a fight with his brother. Wymack didn’t seem to pick up on the telepathy.

“I didn’t do shit, Coach.” He put his hands up defensively as Wymack put his head back in his hands.

Neil realized his mistake when he noticed Kevin trying not to laugh which only made him feel embarrassed. “Shut up, Kevin.”

“Jesus, Neil,” Wymack sighed, “You two. Pack up. If you’re not in the car in five minutes I’m leaving your asses here and you can walk home.”

The threat got them going no matter how empty it was.

Chapter Text

The beginning of the school year is really only exciting because Neil gets new things. New pencils, new notebooks, new markers, new shoes. Since everything else is Kevin’s hand-me-downs (which never fit because Kevin is tall for his age and Neil is definitely not) this is a very exciting time of year.

So Neil was most definitely okay with it when Wymack packed them into his truck and drove them to the store. After the three of them get back home from shopping Neil was no longer excited and instead nagged Wymack for computer time.

Wymack let him go and so Neil spent the next hour watching college Exy highlights.
His favorite team is the Palmetto Foxes. He likes them because Wymack played for them in college. Kevin says they’re lame. Neil thinks Kevin is lame, especially because he chose a basic popular team: the USC Trojans. Everyone likes the Trojans. Jeremy Knox likes the Trojans, and Jeremy is the epitome of basic-ness, therefore the Trojans are basic.

Neil likes the Foxes because no matter who's on the team or who's coaching the team, they play like they have something to lose. And Neil always feels like he has everything to lose.

Neil ignores the fact that they often do lose and in fact have not had even a three game winning streak since Neil came to live with his family. So, almost 3 years? However, his very petty brother points out this fact to him very often.

He rewatches the “top 50 plays” highlight video from this past season (Palmetto is in only one of them and it’s number 50). Then he rewatches the 1996 Palmetto Foxes highlight video. It was his dad’s sophomore season and their second best year. The first was technically when his dad was in his 4th year but Neil liked 1996 David Wymack better.

If there was any word to explain Neil’s attachment to Exy it might be “obsession”. It felt like a drug. He had been in love with it when he was still with his mom— though he barely understood the sport then— and he loves it now.
When his hour on the computer was up Neil was riding his fix for the rest of the day. The thought of school usually made him nervous but today he barely thought about it. He went to sleep in his shared room that night with a giddy smile.

—

There was nothing exciting about third grade. The only thing relatively interesting was that Neil’s third grade class was actually a 3rd/4th split class. Neil thought it was weird but once Wymack explained it to him he thought it was… still weird.

“They do it so that there is a better student-to-teacher ratio. If there’s too many kids in the grades they'll do split classrooms to basically lighten the load. One teacher will have third and fourth graders. Mrs. Martinez told me that they try to pick students from the younger grades they think will act more responsible than their peers.”

“And they put me in the split classroom?”

“...Yeah.”

Neil wouldn’t say he was irresponsible but he couldn’t exactly couldn’t say he was mature either especially since he rubbed his new-found knowledge in Kevin’s face. Kevin was going into fifth grade and thought he was suddenly the shit since it was his last year in elementary. Neil thought that was the stupidest thing ever and was determined to make sure he did not forget he was still a nerd.

Their dad made them pancakes (and they were not burned) for their first day of school. He let Kevin put as much syrup as he wanted. Neil got to eat as many strawberries. It was a good breakfast, but then Wymack realized that they were running late and basically shoved them out the door.

When they got to the school Wymack walked Kevin and Neil to both their lines and wished them an awkward good day of school before more or less bolting from the undercover area where all the students line up in with their classes at the beginning of the day (Neil has noticed that his dad spends only the minimum amount of time required of him at the school). He stands in line with the rest of his classmates but doesn’t talk to any of them or really acknowledge them. After almost three years most of his classmates have come to realize that Neil rarely gives anyone the time of day. The only way to really get him into a conversation is by mentioning Exy.

Neil lets his eyes drift and watch the other students all in various states of excitement, nervousness, sadness and anger. Neil decides he hates first days when he spots a first grader giving him mom a big hug and giving a fist bump to his dad before he runs off to his line. He quickly turns his head away and decides not to look around anymore, instead he zones out, thinking about everything and nothing at all.

He’s busy thinking about the ever-consuming thoughts eight year-olds usually have (like: is there really a pool in the attic of the school?) when he gets shoved into the person in front of him. He quickly whips around and scowls at the offender when he’s met with a face he recognizes, but not from a previous class. He doesn’t drop his scowl but it does take a confused turn.

A blonde boy is staring back at his blankly. The same blonde boy from the park the other week. Although upon closer inspection he seemed to be in a daze. The boy blinks at Neil, taking in his features before looking away. Neil figures it isn’t worth his time right now to start a fight. Besides, it’s like you’re even now, his mind supplies. He chooses the responsible thing to do and turns back around just in time for his teacher, Mrs. Nelson, to lead them to their classroom.

See. Responsible third grader.

Mrs. Nelson instructs them to stay in line and keep their voices down while they walk to the classroom. The classroom itself is typical. There are colorful posters decorating the walls. Some have helpful tips for math and others explain writing and grammar rules. The desks are grouped together so that there are six at a “table”. Mrs. Nelson has them find their seats and begins to take attendance.

Neil hates this part. Hates the fact that people have to know his full name. Wymack had asked if he wanted to keep his birth dad’s last name when he had been adopted and Neil had immediately said no (though it seemed like Wymack had been expecting that answer and instead was only asking for formality).

He did, however, also ask if there was a possibility if Neil would instead want his mother’s maiden name. After all, his mom was still alive so it wouldn’t have been unusual. Neil had considered it for a moment. He thought about the times that his mother had covered his ears when his dad would become violent, or when she would give him bubble baths. But then he also thought of all the times she let his dad hit him or the weeks she would go away for her own work and leave him in Lola’s care.

In the end, Neil had become, “Nathaniel Wymack?” Mrs. Nelson said.

Neil cringed internally. “Neil,” he said in response.

“I’m sorry?”

“I go by ‘Neil’, not Nathaniel. I’m never called Nathaniel.” He emphasized the last part. He hated that they never changed his first name legally but his mom was adamant that he keep it. She argued that if he had ever loved her he would keep it. She named him, it didn’t matter who he was named after. She fought twice as hard when she found out he was changing his last name. So Neil would stick to a nickname in order to maintain peace until he was old enough to change it on his own.

His teacher nodded and made a note on her attendance sheet before moving on. “Alright, that’s all the third graders, now onto the fourth graders.”

She smiled brightly, and called the next name, “Andrew Dobson?”

Chapter Text

When Andrew had woken up that morning he knew today was going to suck. Most days did, but less since the adoption was official. Most days always included the first days of school. Especially at new schools.

When Andrew woke up that morning he knew the day was going to suck. Most days did, but less since the adoption was official. Most days, however, always included the first days of school. Especially at new schools.

Betsy dropped him off at school but she couldn’t stick around to walk him to his line, she had to get to work at the clinic. Andrew wasn’t disappointed, Betsy made sure to prepare him for this and they thought of a plan together to make up for it. They were getting ice cream after her last appointment.

He walks towards his class line as he daydreams about the flavor of ice cream he wants later then collides into the person in front of him. He stumbles back, mostly surprised by the fact that he was that deep in daydream at all, but quickly wipes the emotion off his face. The kid he bumped into whips around to scowl at Andrew before doing a double-take. Andrew does one of his own as his eyes meet icy blue ones.

The same icy blue he saw at the park the other day peeking from the Exy helmet. Andrew quickly evades the boy’s intense gaze. Normally Andrew would stare the other person down in an attempt to make himself seem scarier than he felt, but this boy held more to himself that Andrew could initially see and it set off warning bells in his head.

To Andrew’s surprise, the other boy turns back around without any comment just in time for their teacher to come get them and take them to their classroom. Once inside the classroom, Andrew passively pays attention to Mrs. Nelson make her way through her third grade attendance sheet. He rates the kids' names on a scale from one to ten to occupy himself.

Abigail. Classic but basic. 6/10.

Mercedes. Expensive car name. 10/10.

Josh. Hate it. 1/10.

Nadia. Old soul vibes. 9/10.

Nathaniel.

The name that belongs to the boy with the blue eyes. But he goes by “Neil”. -12/10. What a mouthful and the nickname is stupid.

Andrew isn’t impressed by Neil. And he was starting to think that his morning encounter with him was a fluke. The redhead looked more anxious than anything. “Danger” was not a trait Andrew would place on him.

When Mrs. Nelson called on him, he only raised his hand, then continued rating names. The rest of the day passed with Andrew giving it the same amount of energy he gave the name rating. Minimal, enough to entertain himself but never more than what was exactly expected of him. Besides, the first day of school was always classroom rules, explaining new routines and icebreakers.

(He most definitely did not spend any amount of time looking over at Neil. He didn’t notice how his auburn hair looked uncombed but in a stupidly good-looking way. Nor did he pay attention to how he would swing his feet in the chair, his feet just brushing the carpet because he was still too short for the bigger chairs).

Andrew didn’t know what he hated more. Being forced to listen to the teacher drone on about what color folder means what nearly drove him to insanity (pink held coloring pages and that’s all Andrew really bothered to place into his memory). He was considering walking out when she was explaining how they were to rotate class chores. He hated cleaning. Except for when Bee had a tray of freshly baked cookies waiting for him when he was done. There were no cookies here. Child labor.

Mercy was finally granted upon him when it was time for first recess. It was a short 15 minute recess at 10 AM. They lined up at the door and Mrs. Nelson led them to the playground at the back of the school. Beside it there was a large field with two baseball diamonds. There was a gap between the two diamonds, big enough to set up soccer goals on either side for an elementary-sized field.

The classic gray, beige and green of the playground was a comforting sight. It looked like the first playground Bee had ever taken him too. It was still when they were only doing supervised visitations, but it was one of the best days Andrew had in a long time.

Andrew walked over to the playground, pointedly ignoring any of his classmates' attempts to try to make a new friend. He had only one destination in mind: the small cave underneath the plastic gray rocks. If foster care had shown him anything, it’s that these pockets of small privacy could be found in almost every playground. The other kids on the playground are usually too busy playing Grounders or Family to utilize the small pockets. And while Andrew might find another stray introvert underneath the plastic rocks, he’s always able to scare them off.

So Andrew was not surprised when he saw feet peeking from under the cave when he approached the playground.

He was not surprised to see them sitting with their head down and playing with the woodchips.

He was, however, beyond annoyed to find that it was Neil fucking Wymack sitting under the playground in Andrew’s favorite spot. Because somehow the universe wanted to continue making his first day of school increasingly worse.

Neil looked up and Andrew thought he seemed startled to find him standing there. They locked eyes for what could only have been a brief second but seemed to hold an eternity. Neils’s reddish-brown hair was darkened in the shade but Andrew remembered the gold highlights that shone in the sunlight. His face was slightly round and his skin was tan. The boy was also really short compared to other 3rd graders, though Andrew couldn’t say much on that topic. However, he knew that it was a person’s eyes that really told him anything. And the boy’s icy blue eyes were mesmerizing, but upon further inspection they held a stone wall. Behind it were secrets Andrew was sure would destroy him one way or another. He knew better than to seek answers here.

Andrew hated how he couldn’t read Neil. He couldn’t tell if he was someone to be watchful of or not. He was getting mixed signals and it was frustrating him to no end. What he needed was for him to just be gone.

“Go away,” Andrew demanded.

There was no indication that Neil heard him despite the boy looking right at him. They still hadn’t dropped eye contact. Andrew refused to be the one to look away first, and it seemed that Neil might have the same idea. No matter. Andrew could play this game.

After a long moment Neil asked, “Why?”

Andrew fumed, but he kept his expression bored and his body language as calm as possible. “Because I said so.”

“Do you own this park?” Neil challenged.

“...No.”

“Then I don’t have to move.”

“Fuck off,” Andrew shouted, taking a threatening step towards Neil. The movement allowed Andrew to see Neil’s tense, jumpy demeanor.

Before Andrew could process what to do with that information he felt Neil’s hands shoving at him. “You fuck off.”

But Andrew wasn’t processing words anymore. He could only feel hands. Big, rough hands. It didn’t matter that the one’s actually touching him were small and soft. He felt only theirs. Holding him down. Dragging him. Touching.

And then he was swinging. He missed his first shot, but his next punch hit. He heard someone— vaguely he categorized it as Neil— cry out and then he was getting punched back. But it didn’t matter that these punches weren’t as hard as theirs, he kept hitting.

He might’ve stayed trapped in the past had he not felt himself land backwards on the wood chips instead of a soft cushion. The feeling jolted him back into his body. His eyes finally focused on an angry Neil trying to block Andrew’s flailing arms. With renewed focus, Andrew pushed himself up and flipped the boy so that their positions were reversed. He grabbed Neil’s wrists and tried to pin him so that he would feel less on edge but Neil kept slipping away.

A swift knee landing on his stomach brought him fully into the present. He grunted and heard schoolyard children shouting at him, his hyperfocus losing its grip. He finally grabbed and latched onto Neil’s wrists and heard a recess supervisor shouting at him. He saw Neil take one deep breath, locked eyes with him one last time, saw the fear and anger and frustration. He felt someone grab the back of his shirt and yank him off Neil and onto his feet.

Andrew flung the teacher’s hands off of him and spun around only to get two words shouted at him. “Office! Now!”

Chapter Text

Neil sat next to Andrew, basically throwing his weight onto the chair. He slumped down and crossed his arms, nearly pouting. Neil swears that he saw Mr. Kincaid roll his eyes at his attitude as he walked away.

They had just finished what Neil would consider a failed interrogation session. After Mr. Kincaid had pulled Andrew off of him, he had basically hauled them over to the office and told the principal, Mrs. Martinez, what had happened. Mrs. Martinez asked the two boys what had happened in attempt to get a better understanding of the situation but neither of them said a word.

Fast-forward thirty minutes (which included several threats of suspension from Mr. Kincaid that Neil knew was absolute bullshit) and their principal accepted the fact that she would not be receiving any type of answer. She called their parents and had Mr. Kincaid walk them to the chairs outside her office.

Neil was not looking forward to the car ride home with Wymack, and he definitely didn’t want to know what Kevin had to say on the situation. Especially since he knew that his family would immediately assume he had instigated the fight. He didn’t think that he technically instigated this fight. He might’ve put hands on Andrew first but it was really the other boy to blame. What was so wrong about wanting to sit under the playground and not get told off by a fourth grader? He would plead self-defense.

Whatever Andrew’s issue was he could deal with it. Neil hadn’t seen the other boy relax once since he had told him to go away at the playground. Not that Neil had either, but Andrew seemed to talk less than Neil did. And while Neil had accepted his situation and fate, Andrew seemed to be deeply bothered about something and lost in thought.

Neil peeked at Andrew from the corner of his eye. He was about Neil’s height, if only slightly taller, but still short for others his age just like Neil. His blonde hair was light and even lighter at the ends. The all-black outfit was a stark contrast to the boy’s light features.

Andrew slid his gaze towards Neil. The redhead jumped, feeling like he’d been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. The other boy’s eyes were calculating. And hazel, Neil’s brain noted.

“What’s with the name ‘Neil’, anyway?”

Neil blinked, processing the quiet sentence that seemed loud in the silence of the hallway. “What do you mean?” he says. The question is random. Is this what's bothering him?

Andrew looks at Neil like he’s the slowest person in the room. Neil swears the look is only for the dramatics, nothing about their conversation requires intimidation anymore. “Why go by ‘Neil’? Why not ‘Nate’ or ‘Nathan’ like any normal person.”

Neil’s stomach turns uncomfortably as he makes a face. Wrong question. Instead of answering he goes back to slouching. Apparently, Andrew does not appreciate that and snaps at him, “I asked you a question.”

“And I chose not to answer,” Neil shoots back, but his fire from earlier isn’t as strong with his ghosts creeping at his back. “I don’t have to answer,” he whispers.

Andrew seems to mull this over for a bit. Neil thinks that the matter is dropped and continues sulking. Wymack sure is taking his sweet time getting here. Though, he shouldn’t be surprised, this is exactly the kind of torture Wymack loves to employ. Neil has never had much patience.

Just when Neil is about to escape into a daydream, Andrew speaks again, “How about a deal?”

Neil turns his head, his eyebrow raised in suspicion. “What kind of deal?” He says slowly after a hesitant pause.

“You tell me why and in exchange I tell you something. It’ll be of equal value.”

He thinks over the offer as he tries to get a read on Andrew. Nothing in Andrew’s body language suggests that he’s lying. He's less tense now, his posture is non-aggressive and his hands are loose on the arms of the chair. Neil can tell Andrew relaxed in order to get him to trust him, the slight bouncing of his foot gives away nerves. But it's this honesty behind the mask that Neil finds more trustworthy and he finds himself being more open to the idea.

“Okay,” he says, not taking another moment to think about it but then it dawns on him that Andrew expects him to go first in their little game of secrets. He fidgets in his seat and twists his fingers together.

“I’m named after my birth dad. I don’t like him and I definitely don't like my name. ‘Neil’ is as far away from ‘Nathan’ as I can get.” He pauses, then adds, mumbling, “He was a bad man.” He doesn’t explain further than that. He can feel his anxiety spiking and Wymack still isn’t here. Panic attacks without Wymack or Kevin nearby suck. He takes a deep breath the way Kevin showed him. Kevin sometimes has anxiety, Neil feels comforted by the fact that he isn’t alone in this.

In six, hold three, exhale six, hold three. Repeat. Ghosts can't touch him here.

Andrew hums but doesn't say anything in reply. Neil thinks for a second that he’s going back on his word, but then he registers what must be Andrew’s thinking face. He only guesses because of the slight furrow between his eyebrows, a microexpression. So he gives him a minute to do… whatever he’s doing.

“I was in foster care up until about a year ago. None of them were good, some of them sucked more. Until Betsy anyway, she adopted me and I…” Andrew’s face screwed up, like he was trying to find words but they didn’t fit, “It’s better. But anyway, I have words I don't like either. They remind me of them.”

Neil nodded and accepted it as a fact, returning the favor to Andrew. They continued to sit in silence, though this time it was a lot more comfortable. He watched the minutes tick by on the clock as his mind wandered. He tried to ignore the throbbing on his cheek and the soreness on his wrists. Andrew definitely got him good, he could land a hit better than Kevin ever could. Though, Kevin never tried to actually hit him that hard.

His thoughts become so distant that he barely notices when Wymack walked into the office and towards Neil. But then he’s standing right in front of him with his arms crossed and a disappointed frown on his face. Following him is the older lady he had seen at the park with Andrew the other day. He guessed this was Betsy.

“So, how was your day, son?” Wymack said with heavy sarcasm.

“It was alright. Mrs. Nelson is kind of a bore. Got into a little disagreement on the playground. I don’t think Mr. Kincaid likes me. Still debating the Mrs. Martinez situation,” Neil replied easily, his smile feigning innocence. The reason for them being here was obvious, but Neil wasn’t going to be the first one to bring it up.

Wymack shook his head, then looked over at Andrew. “And who's your friend?”

“This is Anderson.”

Neil swore he saw the other boy’s eye twitch, so his smile grew even sweeter.

“Andrew.” The blonde said, matching Neil’s easy tone.

Wymack quirked an eyebrow, looking quickly between the two boys trying to get a read on whether he needed to intervene or not.

“Oh, right, Aristotle,” Neil amended without sparing a glance towards the boy.

“I guess that’s close enough, Noah.”

“Neil.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t, Nico?”

“No, no, I’m pretty sure I know my name.”

Andrew put his hands up and replied in a mocking tone, “Okay, only if you’re sure. Though I did knock you pretty good in the head a couple times.” Then said to Wymack, “Might want to check Nick for a concussion.”

“You wish,” Neil said, his playful grin going sharp.

Betsy let out a soft laugh but quickly tried to cover it. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make light of the situation,” she said, smiling softly, “I’ve just never seen anyone as quick as Andrew.”

“Oh, kid’s quick on his feet alright,” Wymack grunted, “Just a little slow when it comes to being civil.”

Neil scowled at the comment. He could be civil.

Wymack rolled his eyes, “Don’t give me that look. As soon as Kevin gets home I give it five minutes before you're on his ass about anything,” he unfolded his arms and walked to the principal’s office door, “Wait here while I talk to Mrs. Martinez, then we’re leaving.”

What Neil wanted to do was blow a raspberry, but since he was eight and mature, he did not. But mostly he was petty and wanted to prove Wymack wrong.

Betsy followed Wymack into the office leaving Andrew and Neil to their silence again.

“Whose Kevin?” Andrew asked.

“My brother,” was all Neil said in return.

Did this count as their game?

Neil's heart skipped as he came to the sudden realization that tomorrow Andrew might go back to ignoring him. He wanted to keep this game going.

It was the first time Neil could remember not immediately ignoring the other person. Or skirting around questions.

It was the first time Neil felt like he wanted to continue where they left off.

It only took another ten minutes for their parents to come out and then they all walked out to the parking lot. The pairs went their separate ways to their respective cars. The pit in his stomach was still there as Neil and Wymack had almost reached their car. He definitely wanted to talk to Andrew tomorrow. His legs moved before he even consciously decided and he sprinted to where Andrew's mom had parked their car. He barely registered Wymack shouting after him.

“Hey, Andrew!” He caught up with the boy and his mother before they entered their car and gasped out, “Come sit with me under the playground tomorrow?”

Andrew tilted his head to the side, considering him, then Neil saw the smallest uptick in the corner of his mouth. He pointed two fingers at the end of his eyebrow and mock-saluted Neil before opening the door to the car and climbing in.

Neil felt a giddy grin on his face and ran back to Wymack before he got into any more trouble.

Chapter Text

Neil was trying very hard not to bring attention to himself. Wymack made him sign a contract earlier that month very explicitly stating that he “understood he was not to cause any trouble on Kevin’s birthday”.

He was seriously regretting signing that contract.

For Kevin’s 12th birthday, their dad had decided to gift him a Nintendo 3DS. Neil had already known about the gift. He was a little bummed about being stuck with a DSi, but in the end he was willing to be civil about it. Kevin liked his birthdays, Neil didn’t. Kevin got a new present, Neil got tickets to the Palmetto Foxes opening game in August (far far away from his birthday where bad things could not touch it).

Everything would be going to plan if it weren’t for Kevin waving the 3DS in his face.

Well he wasn’t literally waving it in his face but he might as well be.

“Look! The top screen is in 3D!” Kevin shouted, his arms waving excitedly as he showed the hand console to Jeremy and Jean. They were the only two people in Kevin’s grade that could tolerate Kevin’s obsession with Exy so by default they became Kevin’s best friends.

That also meant that they were invited to Kevin’s birthday party, along with Andrew and Renee— she had recently moved to Columbia, her mom and Andrew’s mom had gone to college together. Andrew had met Renee before Neil and Kevin did. He’d given her his stamp of approval relatively quickly (almost faster than he had given one to Neil) so she became part of their group pretty quick. And though they’d never voice it, Renee and Andrew were at the birthday party for Neil’s sake more than Kevin’s.

Neil fought the urge to roll his eyes at Kevin’s geek-out session as he began to unwrap the games that Betsy and Andrew got him. One was a Mario Party game and the other was an Exy game with both collegiate and professional teams.

“You’re jealous.” Andrew said from behind him. It wasn’t an accusation, it was a fact.

Neil shot him a glare. “Am not.”

“Was it not part of your little contract that you had to remain pleasant during the gift opening?” Andrew asked, his eyebrow arching.

Neil knew this was Andrew’s way of giving him a hard time. It was a bit of a learning curve when they had first met each other but two years later he can recognize the other boy’s humor. He let out a little huff, but the tips of his ears were burning. Partly because anything Andrew said seemed to have some sort of affect on him, and also because Kevin had overheard and was looking at Neil. Jeremy, Jean, and Renee had now all turned their attention outside as Wymack was showing them the new Exy training gear he ordered for the league.

“What contract?” Kevin asked.

“Nothing,” Neil stressed while giving Andrew another glare.

Kevin’s eyebrows shot up in interest and Neil saw a mischievous smile slip onto his brother’s face. “What contract?” Kevin said again.

Neil hated that shit-eating grin. He ignored the hypocrisy behind that statement.

He prayed to the gods above him that they would give him the strength not to go off on Kevin right now. He really wanted to watch that Exy game.

Kevin turned to Andrew and quirked a questioning brow at him. “Andrew? What do you know?”

Andrew opened his mouth but Neil hastily cut him off. “It literally does not matter, Kevin. Go back to fangirling about your stupid 3DS.”

Andrew glared at him. “Rude, Kevin wanted to know about my vast knowledge on the Roman Empire.”

“You finally read the book I got you?” Kevin asked.

“Definitely not, Day.”

Kevin deflated but turned back to the task at hand. “Did Dad make you sign another Pleasantness Contract?”

Neil made no comment.

Kevin looked at Andrew for confirmation. After a slight pause Andrew nodded his head.

“Traitor!”

The blonde rolled his eyes. “It was obvious, junkie. Not my fault. You want me to defend your honor? Pick something that isn’t so easy to guess.”

Neil crossed his arms and pouted. “Guess I can’t count on you to cover my ass in an interrogation.”

“I am not getting thrown in jail just because you’re stupid. Learn. To. Lie.”

“Don’t bother, Andrew, it’s part of his charm.” His brother has a soft smile on his face and moves to ruffle Neil’s hair to which Neil does not dodge in time. “I appreciate you trying to play nice, Neil. But everyone who's ever met you knows this is a punishment worse than death. How about you go back to your default settings and I’ll consider it my birthday present.”

“There’s no way you like me better with default settings.”

“Neil, if you weren’t an asshole I’d think that the world is ending. I might not enjoy it but, you, being nice makes me more uncomfortable than anything.” Kevin shudders dramatically and walks towards the backdoor where the others are all outside. “I think it’s cake time.”

Neil did not want to acknowledge the warmth in his chest at Kevin’s acceptance. It’s been years since he moved in but he still feels like an outsider. He still has nightmares about his parents and their associates, his mom still expects him to call and eventually when he’s older she’ll want him to visit. He still feels weighted by his past.

Kevin said that his honesty was part of his charm, but it’s also part of his trauma. Neil sometimes hates that part of himself. The not-normal part, but Kevin treats it like it’s just Neil. As if it’s not years of adults screaming at him to tell him the truth and “secrets in the house will get us killed”. As if Neil can eventually come to accept that part of himself. As if too much honestly isn’t the reason why he fucked up his family.

He doesn’t think he can love his big mouth, but Kevin seems to and maybe that’s enough for now.

Chapter Text

“And the Boosters were able to get us room service for the whole time that we’re here.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Two nights is hardly impressive.” He flipped onto his back and held the phone above his face, tilted at an angle so that his forehead looked bigger on the FaceTime screen.

Neil was in Virginia for a couple of days. Normally Neil’s exy team wouldn’t fly out for tournaments, especially not for 12U, but apparently one of Wymack's old college roommates runs the tournament and a last minute spot opened up. It was their first tournament with lots of funding and teams. Hell, Exites was a sponsor and that was a national company, not just the local ones that the tournaments around Columbia would usually get.

Andrew knew— he definitely did not look up teams stats to come to this knowledge— that it was unlikely for Neil’s team to place anywhere in the top three. No amount of competitiveness or raw talent would counter the fact that Virginia teams just played better. None of this, however, deterred the younger boy’s excitement.

As a testament to Neil’s excitement, he FaceTimed Andrew the moment he entered the hotel room.

“I don’t know, Andrew.” Neil smirked. “I think you’d be saying something different if it was you getting bottomless late-night waffles.”

“It’s hardly impressive for you,” Andrew amended. He didn’t linger on the fact that Neil thought of him instead of how useless room service is to his picky palate. “All you eat are strawberries and the occasional protein smoothie.”

Neil shrugged, his face got stuck in the shrug due to the lag on the FaceTime. Andrew took a screenshot for blackmail purposes. “Bottomless strawberries for me then.”

“They don’t do that.”

Neil’s face unfroze with enough time for Andrew to catch his stupid grin. “No, but Coach stopped by the store and stocked up on snacks. We’re gonna get dinner somewhere else though.”

Andrew hummed and flipped back on his stomach, grabbing a pillow to shove under his chin. Neil, like the heathen he is, is laying on his back on the hotel bed, his head hanging upside down off the side of the bed. He’s stayed like that the entire call.

“We’ll probably go somewhere with a quesadilla,” the redhead says, already aware that Andrew usually doesn’t ask for details. And far too aware that he likes hearing about them anyway.

He rarely has to make small-talk around Neil. The other boy either fills the conversation with his rants or lets themselves fall into silence. Like the one they have just fallen into. Silences with Neil were never uncomfortable. He liked it this way. He didn’t hate talking to Nail, he just liked knowing he didn’t have to. People were always getting him to talk, but even when he and Neil were first getting along there was never that pressure.

Andrew guessed that Neil liked the silence, too. Their truths game hadn’t really gone deep into their pasts pre-adoption, but Andrew’s suspicion was that Neil didn’t know how to do the normal filler conversations either. That and Neil glared daggers at anyone who didn’t have any exy connection.

He’s mostly sure that Neil would’ve found a way to weasel out of their friendship if he hadn't joined an exy league.

Wymack’s voice cut through their silence, though it was muffled slightly on Andrew’s end. “Alright, kid, time to get ready for bed. You got two games tomorrow and potentially a third.”

“Five more minutes?”

“Of what? You staring at Andrew’s face through the phone screen, neither of you saying a word?"

Andrew felt his face heat up at that comment. He had to tell himself that Wymack didn’t mean it like that.

“Coooach,” Neil whined.

Andrew’s almost confident that Wymack is shaking his head in his why did I have kids way. “Nope, do this on your own data plan.”

Nothing happened for a second.

“Bye, Andrew,” Wymack said very pointedly.

Neil groaned but relented. “Bye, Andrew.”

—

Andrew isn’t a genius.

Contrary to his teacher’s beliefs, he doesn’t try hard in school. Facts and events and experiences just stick in his head. It’s not a gift, it’s highly inconvenient.

It does not take a genius, however, to realize that when it comes to Neil, Andrew is done for.

He realized he liked guys around the same time he realized that exy might be preferable to other sports (if he was going to do something active outside of school, might as well be that).

The realization of liking guys was much more difficult than coming to terms with his tolerance for exy. It came with its very own uphill battle. Eventually though— after several sessions with his therapist and more conversations with Betsy— Andrew accepted that he liked guys, but that doesn’t mean he ever has to act on it. After all, twelve is too young, and Andrew has no interest in anyone.

Except for maybe Neil.

He’d deny it until he was blue in the face (Neil was just his best friend), but the fact that he got a free two-week subscription to Exites’ streaming service for the sole purpose of watching Neil’s tournament did not help his case. Or maybe it did because that’s just what a best friend would do.

Bee probably would’ve bought the subscription if he had told her why he wanted it but he didn’t know how to ask without it being awkward. It’s no secret that he and Neil are close, but he’s still not used to the emotions part of anything.

So instead of watching Neil’s game from the comfort of his own room, he’s watching it at the park down the street from his house. It’s the end of July, and there are lots of people around despite the humid South Carolina heat. Children scream excitedly while running around the playground, parents catch up off to the side, and exactly none of them are paying attention to Andrew as he sits on the bench furthest from the playground. He’s sucking up the data on his phone but he doesn’t care, he’ll pick up a few extra chores next month to make up for it.

Neil’s game just kicked off and he can already tell that Neil’s team— NC Bandits— look like a bunch of baby chickens on ice compared to the Virginia team— Roanoke Cardinals. Even the hyperactive redhead looks a little hesitant in his movements. Andrew tracks Neil’s number, 42, on the screen as he moves up and down the field desperately trying to catch and hold onto the ball.

But the Cardinals are ruthless.

Technically, checks aren’t legal until 15U, so high school, but some coaches bend the rules in order to teach a more aggressive play to the game. Obviously, the Cardinals were such a team. Normally, Andrew would appreciate a good bending of the rules. This was not one of those times.

He cringes as a backliner pulls a cheap trick on Neil which causes him to trip over own feet and lose control of the ball. Again.

Neil’s small size and speed are typically an advantage for a striker who needs to score goals. Backliners usually don’t have the same speed which makes it hard for them to fully shut him out. The Cardinals, however, have speed. And the combination of speed and aggression was destroying the Bandits offense leaving their defense to scramble to protect the goal.

The Bandits played their entire first half on defense.

Andrew did not want to be in their goalie’s position. The kid was sweaty and sticky, Andrew could only imagine the exhaustion. But he had to applaud the Bandits, they kept the score to a solid 0-4, with fifteen shots on goal.

Andrew can almost imagine the halftime game-plan talk they were getting right now. Enough time at the Wymack’s house and he could basically call himself a strategy pro. Their aim for the second half would be to get on the board. A shutout— not being able to score a single point— would only benefit the opposing team more in a tournament. Scoring a point and still losing wouldn’t bring home any trophies, but it would lower the Cardinals in the overall ranking.

Essentially, the Bandits' focus for the second half was to drag the Cardinals down with them.

He’s about to exit out of the streaming app when he sees movement out of the corner of his eye. His reaction to being snuck up on is minimal and unnoticeable to the untrained eye, scared is not a feeling that he experiences (anymore).

Renee is not one of those untrained eyes and that is exactly who shows up in his field of vision.

“Hello, Andrew,” she says sweetly, no doubt some of the smugness in her eyes coming from the fact that she caught him off-guard.

Andrew doesn’t return the pleasantry, but he does acknowledge her.

“You must be pretty bored to have come to the park without your other half.”

He doesn’t dignify the statement with a direct response. “Did Stephanie bring you out for one of her street clean-ups?” He says instead, nodding toward her bright orange vest and the trash bag in her hand.

“Yes. I asked, though.”

They lapse into a silence, and Andrew thinks it will end there but he guesses Renee’s curiosity wins this time because she asks, “So. Whatcha watching?”

What Andrew wants to do is to tell her to fuck off because his face is starting to heat up and his stomach did a little somersault but it’s Renee and if Andrew didn’t have Neil he would consider her his most trustworthy peer.

He tilts his phone towards her so that she can peek at the screen. Technically, this isn’t an admission, this is Renee finding out on her own.

“Oh! Is that Neil’s game?”

He nods.

“Is he winning?”

He shakes his head.

Renee pauses for a second, as if analyzing Andrew’s mood and comparing it to her plan of action. He knows exactly what she’s going to ask, and before she asks it he motions for her to sit beside him on the bench. An open invitation to his front row seats to Neil’s game. She accepts it wordlessly, with a bright warm smile on her face and sits happily next to Andrew.

If Neil is a comfortable understanding then Renee is a calming motivation. A motivation to overcome trauma. He knows about her birth mom and how she ended up in foster care. She once called herself a bad person trying to be good. Andrew hates that she thinks that. He’s seen bad people and Renee isn’t what he sees when he thinks of them.

He still does little things to show her he listens. “If Neil loses this game you’re going to have to help me cheer him up when he gets back.”

Renee laughs, then puts her hand out for him to shake in agreement. He accepts. “Deal.”

Chapter Text

Neil was so fucking excited he could eat a horse. He’s also ninety percent sure that he didn’t use the correct expression but the point still stands. He was sitting in a sea of black, red and yellow fans at what could only be considered the most important pro-Exy game of the season. The Carolina Bomberos were playing against their long-time rivals, the Ohio Storm, and Neil was freaking out.

“Andrew! Did you see that pass!” Neil shouted, he refrained from grabbing Andrew’s shoulders and shaking him and instead grabbed his own hair and pulled on it, “It was wicked! He just threw it against the wall and it ricocheted and I didn’t think the striker was gonna get it cause his speed has been ass all game, but he did and then he shot on goal before the goalie could even see it coming!” He sucked in air with a gasp.

Wymack looked at Neil with wide eyes as Neil collapsed back into his seat, trying to regain a normal breathing pace. “Kid, are you okay?”

Neil gulped and looked over at Wymack. “I’m just so excited.”

“I think ‘excited’ is an understatement,” Wymack replied, his eyes flicking over to Andrew for confirmation; Andrew nodded.

Neil could tell Andrew was feeling out of depth with Neil in his current state of energy and was just waiting for Neil to ride out a high and crash. He wanted to apologize, but Wymack had gotten the tickets last minute so Neil was trying to make the most of it.

“I’ll take any opportunity to be a hater,” Neil said while shoving popcorn into his mouth. Professional teams weren’t his go-to. He was a Fox fan through and through, but Neil has accepted the long-coming fact that he was also a hater before anything else. There was no way he would pass up a good rivalry game.

Neil saw Andrew and Wymack share a look from the corner of his eye but he wasn’t going to let them ruin it for him. He focused on the game, totally dialed into the push and pull of the plays. The Ohio Storm were better in terms of technique, but they were also a bunch of veteran players who worried more about attracting a higher paying contract than building a completely cohesive team. Their strategy was well-thought out, but too many of them were taking the opportunity to show off themselves when they had to improvise rather than doing what’s best for the team. The Bomberos though held true to their name. They were passionate, if more inexperienced, compared to the Storm. Their team was full of prospects that needed to both put up good plays and prove themselves as team-players if they wanted to make their mark in Exy history.

Neil’s mind was reeling from the ongoing onslaught of stats and strategy going through his mind. He truly did believe it was the rivalry aspect of the game that was getting him so hyped up, he needed a break soon or he very well may pass out.

“Got the snacks,” Kevin announced from behind Neil as he walked down the steps. His hands were full with more popcorn and candy. Abby, their dad’s girlfriend, walked behind him with two hot dogs and a carefully balanced tray of nachos in one hand and a big cup of soda in the other. (Neil was totally, definitely, not impressed.)

Abby had been in Wymack’s life for the better part of three years but Wymack didn’t start inviting Abby to “family” events until this past Thanksgiving. The way Neil understood it: Wymack wanted to make sure that their relationship was a commitment before he started bringing someone around him and Kevin. Especially someone who might just up and leave after taking the time to know them. Apparently Abby had passed the test.

Neil was still working out on whether he liked Abby or not. She was nice, yeah, and he thinks that’s part of the problem. He was waiting for her to show something ugly. Like his mom. Behind his mom’s sweet smiles was something sick. She was full of contradictions. The main one being that her very conditional love never felt that way to Neil. He had been fully convinced his mom would do anything for him until he started living with his dad and Kevin.

Kevin liked Abby but their relationship was also different because Kevin’s mom had been a good person. His brother wasn’t stuck making constant comparisons. Abby also wasn’t trying to replace Kayleigh. But everyone believed Neil’s mom could be replaced.

Neil has spent a lot of sleepless nights trying to figure out whether he hated his mom or loved her. He'll spend a lot more nights like that in the future too seeing as the answer hasn’t presented itself.

Melodramatics aside, Neil did like Abby for one specific reason. She was the team nurse of the one and only Palmetto State exy team. As far as Neil was concerned, if she was able to wrangle some quality season tickets for him, he was more than happy to invite her to the family.

Abby smiled warmly at Neil, “Hey, sweetheart, let us through really quick?”

Neil and Andrew both stood up, letting Abby and Kevin pass by so that they could get to their seats between Andrew and Wymack, before sitting back down. Neil pointedly did not look at how good Wymack, Abby and Kevin looked sitting together. How normal it looked, and how normal they fit into conversations and activities.

It wasn’t even the physical attributes. Kevin and Wymack shared the same dark hair and tan skin, but the similarities stopped there. Unlike Wymack, Kevin was lean and had Kayleigh’s sharp features. Abby had wavy brown hair, brilliant blue eyes, and a smile that could melt the coldest of hearts. They didn’t look alike, and yet they looked like a family.

“Kevin,” Andrew said beside him, knocking Neil out of his thoughts.

Kevin looked at the blonde, mouth already stuffed with peanut M&M’s. “What?”

Andrew looked at him very pointedly but said nothing. It took a second for him to catch onto what Andrew wanted but eventually it clicked. It took a minute longer for Kevin to take a hint, but eventually his brother cringed and let out a, “Ohhhh,” then paused, “Yeah, I forgot your ice cream.”

Andrew’s eye twitched but he didn’t say anything. He just got up and nudged Neil. “Come on, we’ll go get some snacks since someone’s incompetent.”

Neil shrugged and got up, this might be a good time for that break. Suddenly, the crowd around him shot up in cheers as another goal was made by the Bomberos and Neil moved to watch the game again. Andrew cleared his throat, getting Neil’s attention back again.

“Ugh, fine,” Neil said when he saw Andrew’s raised eyebrow and expectant posture. It took all his self control to continue walking after Andrew when the crowd shouted in anger as the referees announced a replay on the goal.

Neil tailed Andrew up the row of seats and towards the concessions, but then quickly got distracted by the bathrooms.

“Uh, Andrew?” the blonde boy glanced at him, acknowledging that he has his attention, “I need to go pee. Well, to be honest, I’ve had to go pee for the past two hours. I just didn’t want to go.”

Neil could feel the eyeroll Andrew gave him without actually seeing it.

He pulled Neil to the side and dealt out quick instructions. “You go to the bathroom. I get in line for ice cream. If I get my ice cream quickly, I’ll meet you here. If you finish and don’t see me here, go to the ice cream line. Got it?”

“Got it!” Neil confirmed and then ran into the bathroom before Andrew could get another word out.

There was hardly a line for the men’s bathroom (unlike the women’s bathroom), which meant Neil was in and out within record time. Andrew wasn’t outside so he figured the ice cream line was decently long. So, per the plan, Neil went to find Andrew in said line.

It wasn’t too far down from the bathrooms. He walked up to the ice cream concession and followed the line from the end to the front looking for Andrew’s familiar head. He found him at the very front, being handed two ice creams by the worker.

Neil rolled his eyes at the sight, of course he’d get two. He walked up to the boy and said, “Y’know, you’re gonna die one day from the amount of sugar you consume.”

Only Andrew didn’t immediately reply. He gave Neil a weird, confused look. “What?”

Neil sent him back an equally confused look. “... your ice cream, obviously. Why did you get two?”

Andrew paused. “Because they’re for me and my mom.”

What the… his mom? Neil noted the number on the jersey Andrew was wearing. He was wearing the number twelve instead of nine, and his shoes… “Betsy’s not here,” Neil said slowly, getting more confused with each increasing second.

“Who the hell is Betsy? Who the hell are you?” Andrew shouted in frustration.

And then it clicked in Neil’s head. But not a satisfying click, or a calming “a-ha” moment. No, in one moment Neil felt like his entire world had been flipped on its axis again. Instead of acknowledging not-Andrew’s question he bolted away from the boy in search of his actual Andrew.

He didn’t know why that boy looked like Andrew, and he didn’t really want to spend too much time looking into it. Instead, he pushed his way through the crowds of people and traced his steps back to the bathroom. Maybe the line moved fast and Andrew was waiting for him there, Neil thought. Several glares were thrown his way as he pushed against people, but Neil ignored them. He didn’t see Andrew once he got to the bathrooms, so he scanned the area, trying to think of his next move.

He could walk past all the concessions and look one-by-one for Andrew. They circled around the field so, in theory, if he circled around he would eventually run into the other boy. On the other hand, if he ran in circles, and Andrew had the same idea, then they would continuously circle each other. And if he couldn't find him then Wymack would be pissed at him and he might start yelling and Abby might start hating his family and she might leave and—

Before Neil could spiral any further he spotted a familiar-looking blonde boy. He looked down at the boys shoes, checking to see if they were his Andrew’s green Air Jordan’s. Neil exhaled in relief. Yup, green Jordan’s. Relief filled Neil's bones and he felt an immense amount of panic flood out of his body.

He took a deep breath and jogged up to Andrew, who was holding a Dippin’ Dots— not ice cream. “So, I guess you changed the plans, huh”

Andrew turned around and shrugged. “You left before I could say anything. I figured you’d realize you needed to come back here at some point. I was there for the ‘if you’re lost, hug a tree’ talk that Wymack gave you and Kevin.”

“Yeah, well next time, don’t assume I’m that smart. You nearly gave me a panic attack.”

Andrew frowned and gave Neil a once-over. Neil could see hesitance in his frame. “Really?”

It was Neil’s turn to shrug things off. “Yeah,” he admitted, “but it’s no big deal. I found you in the end. It also wasn't all your fault.” Neil shoved his hands into his pockets and gestured for Andrew to follow him back to their seats.

“Whose fault was it then?” Andrew said, as he trailed Neil.

“Your twin,” Neil joked, a grin growing on his face but the word weighed heavy on his tongue. He didn’t even really mean to say it, the words just slipped out.

The blonde boy threw him an unimpressed glare. “Hilarious.”

“No, seriously, this kid could’ve been your twin. Spooked the hell out of me. He had the same blonde hair and it was cut in nearly the same way. He had the same eyes and the same freaky stare. Oh! And he was just as short as you.” Andrew shoved him for that comparison but it only made Neil grin wider. “Honestly, I was super confused until I looked at the clothes…”

Neil trailed off, his eyes catching onto the devil himself. He stopped walking suddenly, causing Andrew to walk right into him.

“What the fu—”

“Actually I want some lemonade,” Neil said as he spun around, attempting to block his friend's view. He had a sick feeling in his stomach. As fun as describing this all was to Andrew, he knew the other boy hated surprises. Sure teasing Andrew about it was fun, but the actual event of running into his “twin” would not be.

“Huh?”

“Lemonade. Let’s get some lemonade.”

“I hate the lemonade in this stadium. And so do you, it’s sour.”

“Then pretzels.”

“Neil—”

“Let’s get some pretzels,” Neil insisted, trying to get the other to turn around without touching him, but a sharp gasp behind him crumbled his efforts. Andrew stiffened and Neil could only assume who he just saw.

He really wished Wymack was here.

Chapter Text

By the time Neil had gotten to Wymack he was a blubbering mess of tears. His thoughts had spiraled completely and he could barely explain to Wymack what was going on. He tugged on the older man’s shirt until he got the hint to get up and follow him. Abby and Kevin exchange looks of concern before following albeit from a distance.

Wymack tried to grab onto Neil’s arm as they slipped through the crowd and towards Andrew. “Neil— shit— slow down, kid.”

Neil did not slow down. He was in the midst of a panic attack and it was only pure adrenaline that was getting him through the groups of people. A mantra of find Andrew, find Andrew was really the only thing going through his head and it kept him from falling onto the floor into a ball of anxiety.

Another burst of anxiety surged up and constricted Neil’s throat as he thought of how he just left Andrew there with two strangers. Well a stranger and his look-alike.

Finally, Wymack managed to get a hand on Neil’s shirt and yank him to a stop but Neil already spotted Andrew just a few feet away. He squirmed away and turned to bolt in his direction but was stopped by Wymack’s two strong arms holding him firmly by the shoulders so that they were facing each other. Wymack didn’t seem to notice Andrew yet.

Wymack kneeled down as Neil fell further into hysteria. He could barely see with all the tears in his eyes and his breathing was erratic. “Neil, bud, talk to me. Breathe.”

Neil sucked in a choppy breath but then let it out in a big rush on the exhale.

“Jesus, kid,” Wymack muttered underneath his breath before trying again, “Come on, Neil. Try focusing on the sound of my voice while I walk you through the breathing.”

Slowly, Wymack was able to talk Neil through calming down. His sobs turned into soft hiccups and he pressed his forehead into his dad’s chest.

“I messed things up. I always mess things up. I talked too little to my mom. I talked too much to the cops. I’m rude at school. I hate eating new foods. I got so hyper focused on teasing Andrew that I didn’t even really think about how this whole thing could really affect him. I knew there was something off but I just kept talking. And now he won’t talk to me.”

Andrew had taken one look at his dopplegänger and went non-verbal. Neil tried to get him to say something and to figure out something to do. The mom had asked them if there was an adult with them. Andrew looked like he wasn’t in his own body. Neil freaked and bolted to grab Wymack.

He could feel his dad take a deep breath before pulling him back. Neil didn’t look at his face though. Instead, he opted to look at the crack in the concrete right below him.

“Where’s Andrew?” Wymack asked.

Neil let out a sob but managed to get two more breaths in before looking up and pointing in Andrew’s direction. “Okay. I’m going to go over there and figure out what’s going on. You are going to stay here with Kevin and Abby.”

He felt a spike of panic shoot through him as his dad started to stand up to leave so he grabbed onto him. Through his sobs he let out a broken apology. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m so, so sorry.”

His dad kneeled back down and gave him a fierce hug. “I’m going to tell you this now but we’re also going to talk about this later. You have nothing to apologize for. Whatever it is that happened here is not your fault. You do not always mess things up. You're my son and there is nothing you could do or say that would make me love you less. We will figure this out.”

Maybe it was a sign of growth that his dad’s words of affirmation actually did something to calm him down. Neil nodded and for once his panic finally ebbed though some anxiety still lingered. His dad pulled back and he wiped Neil’s tears before standing up and heading towards Andrew, his clone and the clone’s presumed-mom.

Neil just watched and let Kevin wrap an arm around him in a show of support. He didn’t say anything and Neil kind of wished he would but the loss of adrenaline left him tired. Asking Kevin to take his mind off things seemed like too much effort. He didn’t even have the energy to acknowledge Abby who stood close by.

He turned into Kevin and tried to hide in his embrace when Andrew finally looked up at Neil. Maybe Wymack wasn’t upset with him, but Neil couldn’t imagine Andrew feeling happy with him.

—

The car ride home was silent. After a very lengthy conversation with Aaron’s foster mom, Wymack decided that the best thing was for them to go home, talk with Betsy, and regroup later.

Aaron, who was Andrew’s twin. That much had been obvious, but after a couple of questions, which had been directed to Andrew but essentially answered by Wymack, they pieced together the story: Andrew and Aaron were twins, their birth mom had originally planned to give them both up for adoption but then decided to keep one—Aaron— and the other went to foster care—Andrew. Andrew was in foster care until Betsy met him and eventually adopted him. Aaron, on the other hand, grew up with his birth mom until his ninth birthday before CPS came in and found out that Tilda was abusing drugs… and Aaron. Aaron was placed into his current foster home and hadn’t been moved since.

Andrew barely looked at Neil since Wymack had gone to talk to them. He was hurt by that but Andrew also hadn’t looked at his own twin brother much either, so he supposed it might not be a “I’m mad at Neil” thing. It definitely stung when Andrew shoved Kevin into the middle seat of the car to act as a barrier though.

Music was playing in the car. Andrew was looking out the window. Kevin was picking at his nails. Neil tried to peek over at Andrew every so often to make sure he was okay but was only met with the back of his blonde hair. Abby and Wymack were talking to each other in hushed voices.

When they finally pulled into the Dobson’s driveway the sun was starting to set. The Columbia sky had turned into a pretty canvas of pinks, oranges, and reds. Much too beautiful for how shitty Neil was feeling.

Wymack parked the car and turned it off. Andrew was unbuckling and opening the door before anyone could get a word out. He slammed the door shut and stomped up the driveway and to the front door. Betsy was just opening up the front door when Andrew got there, he completely ignored her and disappeared into the house.

Wymacked sighed, something that felt aged, and looked over at Abby for support. She placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a soft, encouraging smile, then turned to Kevin and Neil. “Would you boys mind staying in the car while we talk to Miss Betsy? Or would you rather me drive you home while your dad talks to her?”

Neil didn’t want to answer, but he saw Kevin glance at him before doing so himself. “We can wait in the car, it’s okay.”

“Okay, we’ll try to be quick,” she said, still smiling.

She and Wymack opened their doors and got out of the car. Neil knew this really would be quick since they had given Betsy a short run down over the phone once they had finally parted ways with Andrew’s twin. She knew the basic information, Wymack and Abby were just giving her the chance to be fully let in on everything and ask any questions. So he and Kevin watched the three adults talk in the driveway from inside the car.

The excitement and commotion from the day suddenly hit Neil like a train. It was weird to think that it was only a few hours ago he was watching the rivalry game of the season. He guessed that he should be more bummed about missing a good chunk of the game, but honestly he was more worried about Andrew. Funny to think that if it was anyone else— like Kevin— he would be more upset over missing the game.

He barely even noticed he had dozed off until he felt someone shake him slightly. He found himself leaning on Kevin as he blinked the sleep from his eyes. He turned and found Wymack nudging his shoulder gently.

“We’re back home, bud. N’ you’re too big to carry. Gonne need you to walk yourself up.”

Neil nodded and rubbed at his eyes sleepily before pulling himself out the car, walking inside the house and up the stairs to his room, then curling under the covers of his bed and passing out.

—

Two days had passed since the events of the game. Two days doesn’t seem like a lot, but to Neil it might as well have been five years. He meant to give Andrew longer to process but his anxiety got the better of him. He practically bolted out the door when Wymack told him that he could go check up on Andrew. Betsy smiled knowingly at him when she opened the door and nodded up towards the stairs.

Neil slowly walked up the steps of the house and towards Andrew’s door. He felt weird, being this far into his house. Andrew was always over at Neil’s and he kept his own space private. Neil was sometimes at the Dobson’s when they invited him over for dinner and a movie, but this really wasn’t that often. He most definitely never went upstairs, nevermind Andrew’s room.

He knocked softly on the door and was met with silence. He waited some excruciating seconds before knocking again. When there was no answer he knocked once— this time louder— before the door was yanked open and he was met with Andrew’s stony face. Blank and careful.

Neil opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He dropped his hand by his side and bit the inside of his cheek. Really he had no idea what he wanted to say to Andrew. He only wanted to see him and know that he was still here. That he hadn’t left. That he would still open the door.

Andrew huffed and rolled his eyes after a solid couple of minutes of silence, then turned to walk back into the room and sit on his bed. Neil followed tentatively. He tried not to let his eyes wander around the other boy’s room, which was hard considering he’d never been inside of it. It was a simple gray theme with some hints of blue. Books were scattered about on his desk and nightstand instead of on the bookshelf in the corner of the room. His all-black closet was neat and clean; all the clothes were folded neatly in their place.

His eyes eventually wandered back to Andrew and he found the boy already staring back at him, waiting for him to start whatever conversation they were going to have.

Time to rip off the band-aid.

Neil figured he would start with his most pressing question. The thought that had been festering in the back of his mind since he ran off to grab Wymack two days ago.

“Are you mad at me?” he whispered.

Andrew, as always, measured his words carefully as he answered. “I’m not mad, it’s just… a lot.”

“It’ll be okay though.” Neil assured him. He wasn’t so sure he believed it himself though. After all, he certainly wasn’t over his family trauma.

And apparently Andrew didn’t believe it either because the look he gave him was one of those are you dumb? looks. The blonde shook his head and said, “No, it probably won’t be for a while.” Then he paused and looked to be considering his next words before continuing. “We’re good though.”

Neil’s heart jumped at those words and a soft, hopeful smile spread across his face. “Yeah?”

Andrew nodded. “Yes.”

“Pinky swear?” Neil said. For the fun of it. And because he knew that if Andrew really meant that they were okay, then he would indulge him and his stupid gestures.

“Seriously?”

“Yes, duh. It’s the most sacred form of a promise.”

Andrew made a show of rolling his eyes and dragging himself up from his bed to come stand closer to Neil. “Fine, okay. Yes, we’re good.”

They linked their pinkies together and stayed like that for a beat. Neil could feel it in his chest that all was right with the world, before Andrew said, “You owe me a Dippin’ Dots though.”